Controlling Our Fates
by Nature9000
Summary: Everyone has something holding them back, an internal struggle that consumes the soul like a powerful inferno. On the brink of hopelessness, these friends must learn how to defeat their pasts, to change their future, and in turn, to control their fate.
1. Game of Mortal Kombat

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: To my readers, I want you to know that I'm not going to let my ex steal even my once favorite pairing of the show. It may be painful, it still is hard to cope with writing Sam/Freddie (for reasons you would probably not understand right now), so I'm taking my best friend's advice and doing "baby steps" first. The first baby step, writing a story with the main couple not Sam/Freddie, but they are a secondary and a strong focal point. This will be a Jonah/Valerie-Freddie/Sam story. Please, _please_ read, and enjoy.

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><p>Chapter 1 (Game of Mortal Kombat)<p>

"It's about damn time!" Jonah smacked Freddie on the back and smirked as his friend let out a sharp cough. He was proud of him for how he went about Sam's confession of her feelings. They'd talked about her kiss during the days she had gone missing, so it was a bit of a surprise when he spotted his friend on iCarly in a _mental_ hospital. "So, what is this, the third time you've kissed her?" Freddie casually opened his apartment door and entered with Jonah, they were going to sit down and play a game of Mortal Kombat on the PS3.

"Third, unless Sam was really Melanie…"

"Seriously dude…I believe we've already talked about that."

"I know, I know, spare me the lecture, please." Jonah chuckled softly and moved over to the couch in front of the television. Back when Melanie had come to visit, Freddie had been so adamant in thinking she was Sam, so much so that Jonah actually dared to give her a call and confirm her existence for Freddie. Of course, by this time, she was already pretty close to gone, so Freddie hadn't ever been able to apologize to her. "You should know how it feels to be constantly reminded about something you're guilty for."

"Yeah…" He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together as he grabbed the remote and flipped on the television. "Do me a favor. Don't remind me, I deal with it enough at school." It had been three years since he dated Sam, and while he was certain he wouldn't ever make the same mistake again, the people at the school _never_ let him forget. He felt enough guilt and pain over such a stupid act. He was only fourteen, going on fifteen, at the time, and was a stupid teenager. Now, he was on his last few months of high school before graduation. He was seventeen and would be turning eighteen in June. "I'm going to be glad to get out of that damned school, three months is too long of a wait." In Seattle, schools ran until the first week of June, so graduation was in the first half of the month. It was early March. Jonah had a good handle on things, as far as their treatment of him, the other kids in the school had backed off a bit in recent years as he usually retaliated aggressively towards them.

"It'll come by sooner than you think, bro." Freddie clicked on the game and tossed Jonah the controller. Jonah grabbed it and leaned back, resting his ankle on his leg and staring at the screen. Just thinking about all the hell those kids put him through after what he did to Sam, and despite her moving on and no longer caring, it made him queasy and nauseous. Why was it that he could be friends with Freddie, though they had been friends for some time _before_ Jonah ever dated Sam, and why was it that Sam could forgive him to the point she just no longer cared, but the rest of the school refused to leave him be? He rolled his head back and thought back to all the people that iCarly either made or broke. One of the earliest people that seemed to be humiliated through iCarly was some girl that Freddie dated at one time. "Hey, who was that girl you dated a few years ago, I can't remember her name…"

Freddie kept his eyes glued to the screen as he pressed the buttons on the controller to select the two player option. "Valerie?" Jonah tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair and nodded as her face came to his mind, he remembered her now. Hell, he was there when Freddie told him Valerie had just tried to tear iCarly apart. "What about her?"

"Whatever happened to her?"

"I don't know…You remember I said she just wanted some friends or something…" Jonah lifted his eyebrow as the character selection screen came up. He leaned forward with a mild groan, recalling the memory of their talk. It seemed Valerie told Freddie some things that he, of course, told Jonah and told him to never repeat to anyone else, and one of those things was indeed of Valerie's lack of friends. "I haven't really heard from her since we dated, she wasn't as bad as the people in the school made her out to be."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't remember?" Jonah moved his cursor over to Kung Lao while Freddie clicked on Scorpion. Freddie sat cross-legged on the ground and leaned his back against the vanilla couch. "When she and I broke up, everyone started telling me how sorry they felt for me and always called her a bitch, but she wasn't, they just didn't really understand her." The story struck Jonah close to his heart, he wanted to know if this girl was doing all right now or if she was being bothered like he was. If she was, he wanted to see if he could make her feel better at all. "You're being Kung Lao?"

"Yeah, but I might go with Sub Zero next time."

"You know I hate when you use those two characters, right?" Jonah smirked with pride as Freddie clicked the _start_ button. It pleased him that Freddie couldn't beat him whenever he played as either of those two of his favorites.

"I know. Good way to take out aggressions, you know."

"Unwarranted. At least when it's me you're beating up and not one of the jackasses at the school…" Jonah frowned and watched the screen count down, once it said to fight, he immediately began mashing the buttons and opening a can of unbridled fury onto Scorpion. Freddie could hardly escape the flurry of punches and kicks, so he just looked away and set the controller on the ground. "Of course…" Jonah's eyes lit up as the words "Kung Lao Wins" appeared on the screen. "You know, you can't be fighter in both realities, you need to put up all that aggression to good use."

"I put it into plenty good use. People mess with me, I mess with them, simple enough. Honestly, I wish you guys never put me on iCarly, I wouldn't have to deal with all the crap I've been putting up with."

"I know, man. You hassle me on that quite a bit." Round two began and this time Freddie quickly moved his character to the opposite side, successfully avoiding Jonah's forward lunge. He laughed and shot the hook out, grabbing Kung Lao and pulling him towards, unleashing a hell of punches and kicks. Jonah growled and quickly kicked Scorpion to the ground.

"I'll keep hassling you on it too, man. Until those idiots can learn to back the hell off, I'm going to keep hassling _everybody_ about it." Freddie flipped his controller over his shoulder as the words 'finish him' appeared on the screen and it was _his_ character that was awaiting death.

"One of these days, Jonah, one of these days I'm going to get you."

"In your dreams, pal." He set his controller down on the sofa and placed his hands behind his head, smirking with pride. He closed his eyes and breathed out gently from his nose. "So tell me, when's your first date?"

"I'm not sure. I like her, but I'm kind of nervous about it."

"That's normal."

"What was it like for you when you dated her?"

"Seriously?" He opened his right eye and felt his muscle tension increase. It wasn't like he dated Sam for long enough to form any kind of sense of relationship with her, was it? He only met the woman's mother one time, and it was difficult to get along with the woman. As for Sam herself, there wasn't much that Freddie didn't already know. She had her walls, she had her insecurities, and she had the father that left them when she was young. He'd also met Melanie. Freddie rose up and looked at him with curiosity. Jonah rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "I only dated her for one week, and then I screwed up. You know more about her than I do, Freddie. I guess she's not all that hard to get along with, but her mother's a bit difficult. Met her only once, knew her long enough to formulate the same basic opinion of the woman that you did when you met her."

"Right…I guess I shouldn't worry. So, if I date her, I guess I'm going to have to tell her that I'm friends with you."

"That's up to you. Sam _kind of_ knows, don't know if she remembers." The girls knew Freddie had known Jonah at the time he dated Sam, but they never knew that the guys had gone way back. Sam asked him once how he and Freddie met, and he told her the honest truth. That was why she never questioned when Freddie helped Jonah out after the wedgie bounce incident. Freddie had been concerned when his friend was hanging for two hours, Carly was the only one a bit confused by Freddie's quick tempered actions at getting Jonah _off_ of the thing. "I think the important thing is not keeping one of your best friends hidden from your other friends, but for some reason you decided not to tell them anything."

To know that Freddie didn't want to bother Carly or Sam with that information was somewhat burdening, it weighed down on him as it was just another thing that resulted because of one mistake he made. What the hell had he been thinking, trying to kiss Carly like that? Cheating on Sam in such a way. He blamed his dad for never being there for him or for his little sister, so he had been acting out constantly when he was younger. Eventually Sam and Carly would probably find out about their friendship, but chances were somewhat slim.

Freddie moved over to the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. "Hey Jonah, want anything to drink?"

"You have a root beer in there?"

"Got it." He reached in and grabbed two bottles of root beer, then headed back to his friend. Jonah took the cold bottle and nodded slightly.

"Thanks bro. So can you believe what they're making us do starting Monday?" He grabbed the cap of the bottle and twisted it off with mild effort. Freddie and Jonah were in a medical type class together that the school was putting up with the local hospital. For two weeks, they would be learning CPR and becoming certified in it, but the somewhat fun fact was, the medical teaching staff would be meeting in the back of the Home Economics room. "You'd think they'd use the main auditorium."

"Eh, free food if you ask me. What's to complain about there?"

"True, I'd shoot for that over the auditorium any day." Jonah put the bottle to his lips and drank the sparkling fluid, it was cold on his tongue and tasted sweet, as though he had not had a drink in so long. He licked his lips and lowered the drink. "Say, what do you think would happen if Sam's dad showed up?"

"I don't know, but one thing at a time. I mean, she _just_ opened up and let me in." He set his root beer down and picked up the game controller. Jonah smirked deviously and did the same as Freddie flipped over to the character select. "So, another game? I'm sure I'll win this time around."

"We'll see." Jonah chuckled as Freddie chose his character, again he was confident in his ability to win. Freddie clicked on Kintaro, but sighed as Jonah skipped _over_ Sub Zero and went for his actual best character on the game. Smoke. Jonah clicked the 'start' button and grinned. "Let's play. Since it's pretty obvious who's going to win this match, you'll be buying pizza."

"Shit."

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><p>I hope you enjoy the start of this, it's going to be good in the future, and I'll state again in case you're worried, <em>yes<em> Sam/Freddie will be focused on just as much as Jonah/Valerie. Let me know what you think, hopefully you'll support me as I heal here...


	2. Dangerous Boyfriend

ControllingOurFates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N: By the way, I love this statement I found off a website, it works _so well_ with this story: **" 'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you." **I find this statement may work best with Valerie the most, and even with Sam, but it does work for all of them.

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><p>Chapter2 (Dangerous Boyfriend)<p>

Valerie Williams ran back and forth in her kitchen, sweating as she tried to prepare the chocolate mint cookie recipe that the teacher wanted her to show the class how to make. She stopped in front of the paper on the counter and brushed her hair behind her ear. She lifted the pen up and started writing the next ingredient down onto the sheet. She honestly didn't know why she was bothering, even though she loved cooking, she knew nobody else would care. Maybe her boyfriend was right.

She set the pen down on the paper and leaned forward, placing her hands on the counter and letting out a deep sigh. She had so much going on, so many things stressing her out, she could hardly focus. All that seemed real to her was her cooking, it seemed that was perhaps the only thing that had ever been real to her. She gazed outside her window and pressed her lips tight as she pressed her fingertips along the counter.

She was the second oldest in a family of five kids. The oldest, Vanessa was twenty and lived at college. Maybe if she were here, things wouldn't be as troublesome as they were, she never tolerated any crap from anybody. Valerie and all of the other sisters looked up to her the most. She was the strongest one out of them all. She seemed to be the first to really grow, the one to try her best for everyone, and she had to. Then there was Veronica, not _quite_ sixteen. She was the 'model' of the family, always showing off her most fashionable design. Then Victoria, turning fourteen in September, she was the calm one. She always seemed to go from day to day without a care in the world, but she had the most love for anyone and anything. The youngest was Vixen, almost twelve years old and the only girl with blonde hair, which she got from their father. She was a dancer and had beautiful blue eyes that peered out from her freckled face.

Their parents were Victor and Viola. Viola had been a military woman who had been overseas during the Iraq war. When she came home she was in a wheelchair, learning how to cope with that. She was still coping as she came home three years ago. It shook up the entire family, they were just trying the hardest not to let themselves be depressed, these things happened, right? Victor had begun to increase his workload as a businessman, he had to, he was working to support his family and try to bring in as much money as he could for his wife.

Then there was Valerie, turning eighteen in July. She sighed and moved her eyes to her paper as she thought about the events of her life that led up to where she was now. It was horrid, she was faced with never forgetting an old sin. When she dated that Freddie Benson, she was still going through a bunch of stuff. She was trying her best to help her mom while trying to take all of the strain the family was going through. This kept her from going out and enjoying life, so much so that she didn't have many friends. When she saw iCarly, she wanted to befriend them. She hadn't been thinking about how to go about it properly, so she ended up using Freddie and tearing iCarly apart.

A tear rolled down her face and she shook her head as her heart tightened in her chest, she hated thinking about what happened back then. Freddie didn't even care anymore, but the kids at school never _ever_ let her forget. She never could deal with the trouble they dished out on her, only because she was always so concerned with her family and with her mom, but even they weren't the worst of it.

She lifted her hand to the side of her face and tentatively touched a spot near her eye where it was still sore, she had a good amount of makeup that hid a fresh bruise. She sobbed once and quickly brushed it off, it was best that she did. She was dating the school's prominent drug addict, Rodney Lewis, also known as Rodney the Rip-off. He was just like the kids at the school, but worse. When she started dating him, he was better than the abuser he was now, although she couldn't quite remember a time. She didn't know why she was with him, probably due to the thinking that there wasn't anybody out there who would want to be with her.

_"Why would anyone want me?"_ She took a deep breath and turned her gaze to the oven, she was already preparing a batch of those cookies for the class, but something told her they wouldn't be bothered with her cooking. _"After what I did, nobody would want me. Not only that…"_ She closed her eyes tightly and moved her hand up to her chest, closing it tightly on her shirt. She was damaged goods as far as anyone was concerned, she had no self confidence nor the ability to keep Rodney from hurting her, as long as the inability to leave him. So Freddie aside, she hated the way her life was going, but maybe she was destined for failure.

"Hey, Valerie!" Her head lifted as Rodney's voice came wafting through the air. Her family was gone for a few hours, Viola had taken Vixen to dance class, Victor was at work, and Victoria was at the park while Veronica sought out some modeling agency. "Are you still working on those cookies?" Rodney moved over to the counter and brushed up against Valerie while looking at the ingredient list on the counter. "Seriously, chocolate mint? You realize nobody's going to like these, right? I mean, it's not a matter of what they are, it's just…they're disgusting." Valerie bowed her head slightly and closed her hands. Why wasn't it good enough? She thought they were great, she was one of the best cooks in the class, wasn't she?

"I…" Her heart sank down into her stomach and she quickly shook away the thought, it was best not to speak out and disagree with him, that way a fight was avoided. "I know, but it's what the teacher wants…" She personally chose them, but he wouldn't care to know that. It would just be seen as argumentative to him and he might hit her again. In the end, she deserved this, a man who abused her. She hid it from her family well enough, but what would they do if they knew?

"Well you should have asked her for something different." She looked up at him and her brow furrowed as she gazed at his features. He had bloodshot eyes and was wiping his nose over and over, a sign consistent with cocaine. Was that his drug of the day? He hung out with the drug addicts of the school, so that's who he sold to. It explained how he never got expelled, nobody ever saw him dealing. She never took drugs, she was from too Christian of a family and was raised better, but it did cause a lot of fights with Rodney. Even still, she'd not introduced him to her family yet, but they did know she had been dating someone. Her father was too busy with work to be the typical protective father, so he never demanded to meet the man. If he had, would it have been any different? "Hey Val, why haven't I met your folks yet?"

"Uh…" Her eyes fled to the door and she started to wonder if she could make a fast break for it. She didn't know just what to say because she knew it might incite some sort of rage within that man. "They're just always busy I guess." It was at least halfway true, they were almost always out and about. Usually she was with her mother whenever Vixen was supposed to go to her dance lessons, but Viola suggested she stay home and work on the recipe. "They never know when a good time is."

"I'm available any time." The oven rang and Valerie quickly grabbed her mitt and rushed to the oven. She retrieved the cookies and quickly set the tray on the stove, so as to keep the countertop from burning. "So how many have you made already?"

"Enough for the entire class and the medical staff that's teaching CPR in the other half of the classroom…I believe that's fifty people and I'm cooking in dozens, so this is my fifth dozen."

"Sixty of those things, huh…" He chuckled and folded his arms over. Valerie started waving her hand over the freshly baked cookies, wafting through the steam. "You know what you should do, lace them with something like heroin and light everyone's day up." Valerie choked up a gag as she tried to imagine something like that. She'd _never_ taint her cooking in such a way. She muttered something about him being a pathetic drug addict and hoped he didn't hear, but he did. "What did you just say to me?"

She winced as her heart began to race, she should have known better than to do that. She _did_ know better than to say something like that to him, what the hell was she thinking? "Nothing Rodney…" She could see the drug induced rage in his eyes and quickly tried to get away, but he grabbed her wrist tightly and glared into her eyes. "Please don't-"

"What did you say to me!" She screamed as he tossed her onto the ground and rubbed his nose. She peered her eyes up at him as he approached her. "Did you just call me a drug addict? Who are you to criticize _me_ when you're a no good, lying, conniving bitch!"

"I'm not!"

"Don't start with me. Get up." Fear stung her like the venom of a wasp and she quickly shook her head, pleading with him. "I _said_ get up!" She couldn't be too sure which drug it was, she thought it was cocaine, but it could be anything from Heroin to PCP. It really didn't matter, though, they all made him crazy.

"Don't…Rodney, don't…"

"Why won't you listen to me?" He grabbed her hair and she screamed as it practically tore off her head. She came up and met his fiery glare. Tears stung her eyes as he backhanded her with a swift blow to the right side of her face. Her cheek shone bright red and her hand fell to it. She started backing up as he moved closer to her. "I'm not a drug addict."

"Okay! Okay, you're not a drug addict! Please!" He grabbed her arms and shoved her back against the stove. Her left hand flew back and landed on the hot tray, burning it. She screamed and crashed back reflexively, sending all the cookies flying into the air. "No!" Her safe hand flew to her wrist and she fell down to her knees, sobbing as the cookies slammed onto the ground around her. She looked up at Rodney and he slammed his fist into her face, cutting her lip slightly. She screamed and her hair fell forward. Rodney wiped his nose again, sweating and grunting with effort.

"You're nothing, you hear me? _Nothing_. You're a swine, you're filth, you're dirt. You're lucky even _I_ want to be seen with you!" Her body trembled as his words struck her and tore the wind from her lungs. "If anyone's pathetic here, it's you, and for the record, those cookies are probably the best thing you've cooked, and that's saying something, because they suck. You'd practically have to lace them with drugs just to give them any taste or flavor whatsoever."

She shuddered and her words came out in shallow sobs as she reached down and started trying to pick up the fallen baked goods. "My cooking is good…it is…" Rodney raised his eyebrow and laughed at her efforts to grab them up. "Please…please…"

"Whatever, I don't even know why I'm here." She didn't want to be by herself, so she'd asked him to come over. He'd been watching television since being over, but his show had gone off. Valerie stopped moving and stared at the floor, her face was throbbing and her lower lip had some blood on it. Rodney knelt beside her and she quickly took her breath. "You know you don't want to be alone, you also wanted friends, so you need me. I need you, you can cook. You know when I hit, it's only because I care." A whimper escaped her throat. Her chest was on fire. He lifted his hand up to her face and she quickly moved her head away from him, fearing the touch causing any pain. "I'll call you later, babe. I have to meet someone about a sell."

She listened to the sound of his departing footsteps, she heard the front door open and close. How long she sat there, staring at the floor, she wasn't sure. She knew it had been some time, because when the door opened and closed again, her family was calling out to her. She absorbed their shocked voices and looked up to see Vixen, Victoria, Veronica, and Viola surrounding her. The two youngest girls were helping to pick up the cookies while Veronica was running for the medicine cabinet.

Valerie looked into her mother's soft brown eyes, which were framed by her short brown hair. Viola gazed at her with a look of concern and brought her fingers to Valerie's chin. "What happened to you, baby?"

"I-I…" Should she tell them? No, she didn't want to worry her mother with anything more than what the woman already worried about. She was still concerned with the loss of her ability to walk, Valerie still took her to a counselor for crying out loud. Veronica came in with some rubbing alcohol, water, cotton balls, and just about everything else that could be found in a first aid kit. Valerie didn't want to worry Veronica with anything, either. Victoria and Vixen were too innocent to see such cruelty in the world. Not only that, but Rodney was right, he _was_ all she had as far as friends or relationships went. "I fell…I tripped and fell into the stove after putting the hot tray on it. My hand hit the tray and everything went to hell from there."

"Oh sweetie…" Viola looked into her daughter's eyes. Valerie flinched and looked away, unsure if her mother could see the truth in her eyes or not. Vanessa knelt down next to her and brought the cotton swab to her cut lip and started to clean it.

"We'll have to talk to dad when he gets home." Valerie's eyes widened as she stared at her sister, she knew Victor might suspect something if they told him. His parents both were full blooded Italian, his father had actually once been a part of some Italian mob when younger, so her father knew what someone looked like after a fight. She knew that even though her father had been too busy to be that overprotective father type, it didn't mean he _wasn't_ protective.

"No! We don't have to tell him, I mean, it was just an accident right?"

"Daddy might want to make sure everything is okay with you and with the kitchen." The thought of her father being told made the pain from the rubbing alcohol feel like nothing at all. She looked to Vixen and Victoria, who had finally finished putting the cookies back on the tray.

Once Vixen turned around, she met Valerie's eyes and tilted her head. "Why do you look so afraid?"

"I'm not, I'm just hurt…" She attempted to stand up and Viola took her burned hand in her hand. It didn't look all that bad, but it was still a burn. Victor would be home in ten minutes, he would definitely need to take a look at it and decide whether it was serious enough to go to the emergency room or not.

"Vixen dear, would you start filling the sink with some water? Victoria grab the ice." Valerie sighed as she watched her sisters run around the kitchen, it was almost a pleasure knowing that her family cared so much about her. As long as they didn't wash off the makeup on her face that hid the bruises of the other day, she'd be fine. She would be fine. Besides, she didn't have time to worry, she needed to make sure everything was ready for the class. She needed to check the cookies and see if she needed to make a new batch or not.

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><p>This chapter was definitely rough. Now I was debating whether or not I would have Sam be Valerie's friend from the start (like I usually do with those two) or not, and judging by Sam's personality, for her to have been Valerie's friend (would have been for the last 3 years), there's no way she would have just sat by and let Rodney, or even the kids at school, treat Valerie in this mannar. So, I've opted not to have her as Valerie's friend at the start.<p> 


	3. Instant Attraction

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 3 (Attraction)<p>

Jonah arrived into the school building, clutching the shoulder strap of his backpack with a firm grip, today was going to be fun for him. He wanted to become a doctor some day, but hopefully a military doctor. He wanted to go into the air force, perhaps after college, then study medicine. He thought it amusing that Freddie was going to find this lesson boring when he wanted to go into law enforcement and become a police officer like his father had been. They _needed_ to know CPR.

He glanced over towards one of the students walking the halls. The student had blonde hair hidden beneath a backwards turned baseball cap. He had high cheekbones, green eyes, and a medium build. This kid was one of the biggest culprits that started picking on Jonah early on and continued to do so, nowadays he didn't mess with him. It wasn't like Jonah was violent, he was hardly violent in nature, but he'd since shown an aggressive stance towards anyone who caused him trouble. One thing he did believe in, though, was never to hit a woman unless it was complete self defense. That much he'd learned from his mother before she passed away. "Hey kid."

The boy looked up at Jonah quickly moved to the side, gasping wildly. "J-Jonah, hey man, how's it going!" Jonah smirked with pride as he exchanged a high five and continued down the hallway until he met up with Freddie. He caught Freddie eyeing him with a suspicious expression on his face. He chuckled nervously and shrugged his shoulders.

"What? I can't feel good when an old enemy acknowledges me with respect? I mean it's about damn time they start getting the idea." Most didn't bother him in public anymore, they usually waited until he was in a more private location to bother him. Freddie pat his shoulder and laughed vaguely.

"Whatever man, whatever…You want to go stop by the girls' locker? I'll introduce you to them again and tell them how long we've been friends for." Jonah thought about that for a moment, he wasn't too sure if he wanted to do that right _now_ when he wasn't really prepared, or if he wouldn't mind talking to them. The thing was, he had absolutely no interest in Carly, and he didn't want to be the reason for either of the girls trying to break Freddie in two. Granted, as they already talked about, Sam already knew Freddie and Jonah had been friends for a while.

"No need to bother with Carly right now, Sam will probably figure out I'm your friend anyway and she can decide whether she wants to bother with me or not." He continued walking and Freddie followed after him, shrugging his shoulders. He wondered if Freddie had already done his usual hanging out with the girls for the morning or not, it was likely not, considering classes were about to begin. "Hang out with them yet this morning?"

"Yeah, but Carly seems a bit concerned that Sam and I might turn her into a third wheel." Jonah raised his eyebrows and smirked teasingly. He closed his eyelids halfway and stared at Freddie.

"Please, I've been living as one since you met those girls, you get used to it."

"You have been far _from_ a third wheel, bro. Actually, on the contrary, you basically saved me from ending up with no real guy friends."

"Dude if you didn't hang out with any guys at all, I think we might have a problem." Freddie blinked for a second as Jonah laughed and continued on ahead of him.

"Yeah...wait a minute...Are you implying something?"

"Yeah, I'm implying Sam just saved your status." Catching the joke, Freddie laughed and moved up to his friend.

"One day I'm going to get you for that." Jonah shrugged and gazed up ahead, they were almost to the Home Economics classroom. He licked his lips and pat his stomach, how he hoped for some delicious treats. Hell, they'd be spending the rest of the day in there. He was just glad that they finished up any studies they would have had over the next two weeks. Freddie stopped walking after a minute and pointed off to the side. "Hey Jonah, look over there."

"Huh?" He paused and followed Freddie's point to the corner of the hallway. There was Rodney the Rip-off. Old Rodney, they knew him well. Years ago he just sold typical, sometimes useless items. After a while he began to sell drugs. They generally tried to avoid or ignore him, especially considering he was also one of the worst people that kept bugging the hell out of Jonah. The guy was rather scrappy and really tried to get onto Jonah's bad side. He kept trying to start a fight with him, kept wanting Jonah to fight, but he never did. He was always confident in his ability to kick Rodney's ass if it ever came down to it. The guy did not look like he could fight and acted like a coward with zero self respect. "Keep on moving, Freddie. Ignore the dumbass."

"Fine by me."

As they continued on towards the classroom, they heard him call out to them. Jonah froze and clicked his tongue. He whirled around and narrowed his eyes as Rodney came up to him. "Hello Freddie, and hello dumbass." Jonah arched his eyebrows and breathed out slowly. "I have some very interesting items for sell if you would like." Freddie started to say something, but Jonah stopped him. He put his hand to Freddie's chest and stepped forward, looking seriously into Rodney's eyes.

"How many times have we pretty much said we don't do drugs?" He watched the man smirk and instantly felt like knocking this guy's head from his shoulders.

"Well the way I see it Jonah, a man like you would like drugs. Remember what you did to Sam? You don't even know how to treat a woman, that right there entitles you to being a druggie. I mean you are a womanizer, aren't you?"

Irritation seeped into his veins and he cracked his neck to the side. He did _not _like being called a drug addict, especially by someone who _was _one. "Oh really? So am I to assume you don't know how to treat women either?" Rodney stared at him for a minute and Jonah stared back with a triumphant smirk. "What? No comeback this time?" He knew what he was doing was pissing Rodney off even further, but that was just it, let him take the first strike.

"Fuck you!" Rodney threw the expected punch and Jonah quickly caught his fist in the air. Jonah narrowed his eyes as Rodney gasped and grunted. "You bastard, let go."

"One more thing. Since just telling you we're not interested doesn't teach you your lesson, maybe this will." He clenched his free hand into a fist and delivered a swift blow to Rodney's abdomen. Rodney doubled over and Jonah lowered his hand. "I don't know why, but something tells me you deserved that. Oh, and no, I'm not a womanizer. I made _one_ mistake, _one_ time, and I wouldn't make that mistake twice. Come on Freddie, let's get going before we're late."

"Sure." They walked as men into a very woman friendly environment, but these days cooking classes weren't just reserved for women, many men took Home Ec. Jonah scanned the room and smiled as sweet smells began coming towards his nostrils, they were already starting to cook and it wasn't even time to start their class yet. The room itself was a large, white walled, blue carpeted room with several baking ovens in the middle of the room, several desks in the front, the teacher's desk and podium directly up front, and the medical personnel in the very back where the sewing equipment had been moved out of the way for them. "Well Jonah, I guess we should introduce ourselves to the medical staff. You're the one that'd be working with them in a year, right?"

"Well, college…" He had his heart set on Seattle University and then their very prominent, lucrative medical school. As he saw the two doctors, their staff, and the students working and talking, his heart rose to his throat. This was almost heaven for him. "It'll be perfect when I'm wearing a military uniform with that doctor's lab coat. It's nice to dream, though."

"I think you could do it. Come on." Jonah felt Freddie pat him on the back and watched as he walked ahead. It was easy for him to do so, he wasn't the one that practically idolized the older, grey haired doctor standing in the back of the room. He was confused, didn't Freddie see that it was Doctor Stein, the most well known and promising doctor at Seattle University Medical School? His body started to heat up as the sweat slowly rolled down his neck The other doctor was a Military doctor and someone that Jonah had been talking to on a regular basis, he would become one of his closest friends throughout college until he was ready and well prepped for the military. Dr. Richards. He saw Freddie turn around and give him a questioning look. "What are you doing, man? You want to sit up there with the cooks, or do you want to come learn CPR?"

"R-Right, I'm coming." The two doctors looked over at him and smiled as they motioned for him to come over with the hand not holding the clipboards. There were about four nurses and five other students, it made for a good learning environment. He shook off his nerves and hurried on down, shaking both Dr. Stein's hand and Dr. Richards. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Stein, I want you to know that I really admire all of your work." The old doctor gave him a soft smile and pat him on the shoulder, stunning Jonah into silence.

"It's good to see you, son. Tell me, how much do you know of CPR already?"

"I was a lifeguard last summer and I bought a CPR mannequin back then to practice on, I've been practicing ever since."

"Excellent. If you will, stand over there with your friend and we should be getting started pretty soon."

"Yes sir." Jonah hurried over to Freddie, not catching a slight bounce in his step. Freddie was at one of the tables set up in the back where a CPR dummy was lying. This would be their station for the next two weeks. He saw his friend shake his head and smirk, quickly bringing him into reality. "What?"

"I never thought _you'd_ fall into that hero admiration thing. You always seem so dark."

"Not when it comes to the things I'm passionate about." The Home Economics class began filing in and filling their seats while the teacher moved to her desk. She had short, light yellow hair going just to her neck and had a thin frame, she looked like a nice lady. "I mean it isn't often you get to meet your idols or even-" Freddie was focusing on setting up the mannequin and clearing the table, but Jonah's eyes were elsewhere. His heart pounded once in his chest as a beautiful girl with long, soft brown hair. She looked his way and he could feel her eyes upon him. The heat in his body started to rise and his throat tightened up. Who was this beautiful woman, who was this girl that made his heart flutter like no other? He wanted to know her, or at least her name. "Freddie?" When her eyes connected with his, the heat inside of him shot up. Her eyebrows rose with his and he watched her face turn slight pink as she quickly tore her gaze away. There had been certain sadness in her eyes, though. Why was there any sadness at all?

"Freddie!" He called again, nudging his friend rapidly. He heard him groan in frustration.

"What? You're the one who _wants_ to be here mostly, and you're losing focus?" Freddie leaned his elbow against the desk and stared in silence at Jonah. His eyebrows rose as Jonah turned to him and pointed at the girl who just walked into the classroom.

"Who is that?" Now he didn't always believe in love at first sight. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he believed in love to begin with, but there was a vision of it and her name? Well he didn't know her name, but she was currently walking to her desk in the middle of the room, carrying couple containers of cookies. Freddie turned his head and raised his eyebrow at the girl.

"Wow. Didn't think she'd be in this class, but then again…she's always enjoyed cooking." Jonah rolled his eyes and circled his hand in the air with agitation.

It was clear Freddie knew _who_ this girl was, but did he know the specifics? "Name…please? Can you give me a name?" Freddie lifted his eyebrows up once more and chuckled. He pat Jonah's shoulder and returned to the mannequin.

"Valerie. Valerie Williams."

"Valerie…" He breathed in slowly, releasing a sigh as he took in her name. It sounded familiar to him. He heard Freddie clear his throat and glanced over with haste. His eyes widened as he recalled just where he'd heard the name before. "Oh, she's the first girl you…dated…" His eyes drooped slightly and he returned his gaze to her as Freddie walked around the desk and moved the dummy's arm against its body.

"What? I'm dating the first girl _you_ dated, it isn't like we're bound by some strict 'don't date your friends' ex' rule. Talk to her if you're interested."

"You think I should? I mean…"

"Never known you to lack confidence when it comes to women, I'm just saying."

"Well, I've never really…" His stomach emptied and filled up with air as he saw some girls talking to Valerie. His heart dropped a bit when he realized they were hounding her about something. Was she going through the same crap he'd gone through? What was she struggling with? "You know what you feel for Sam?"

"Still confused, actually."

"Well I've never felt this way before…"

"I can see that. Talk to her when you get a chance."

"But what if she…what if she's like-" He stopped himself short and shook his head, disagreeing with his own thoughts. She didn't seem like she'd be like anyone else who chastised him for his past. She actually seemed genuine, wholesome. Freddie seemed to understand just where he was going with that sentence and interrupted him as well.

"She's nothing like those people. I wouldn't put it past her to be struggling with the same thing you have been all these years. I will admit, iCarly has screwed up some people's lives, almost messed up some, and it's also done a great deal of good for others. Remember, Mr. Franklin almost lost his _job_, but we got it back for him…"

"I remember that, yeah." He could almost swear that all those 'gone wrong' moments were why he never wanted to bother with iCarly again. Hell, he hardly ever watched the webshow anymore, just because he didn't want to have any negative memories. "You don't think she'd be too judgmental?"

"She's too kind to judge, Jonah. She's also dealing with other issues…like when we dated, she told me one of the reasons she didn't have many friends was because she was always so concerned with her mother, who lost the ability to walk."

"Really? Why can't she walk anymore?" He looked to Freddie, who was now leaning back against the desk and had his arms crossed over his chest. He frowned and closed his eyes.

"She was wounded during the war. She's a military woman, you know." Jonah felt a thump of sadness inside of him, he couldn't imagine what it must be like to have to deal with that. He looked towards Valerie and pressed his eyebrows together. He pressed his fingers on the desk and let out a wistful sigh.

"My mom died of cancer when I was eight, Olivia was four…she hardly even remembers her mother. Valerie must know how lucky she is to have her mom, but even after something like that…things change."

"Yeah. I know a lot changed for your family, didn't it? Your dad became withdrawn and stopped really paying much attention to you and your sister…well, I'm not sure how it all impacted her."

"She never knew her mother, she can only remember so little of her. Dreams about her every night, wakes me up and we'll have those long talks about her. She misses her every day…She may not remember much, but she knows enough. I just wish Dad would talk to us about her a little more."

"Must be rough…" Freddie and Jonah had first met and bonded over the subject of their fathers. Freddie's dad had been killed on duty when he was just eight years old and Jonah's father was practically dead anyway with how withdrawn he had become. The two met when they were almost ten years old, Jonah's little sister ran off to the cemetery and Freddie found her while visiting his father's grave, she was scared because the cemetery was closing and it was getting dark, she didn't think she would get home. Jonah had been all over the place searching for her and was grateful when he got a phone call from her saying that she was at Freddie's place. He immediately rushed over and the two became fast friends ever since. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure the Doctors are about to talk, so regain some focus here."

"Yeah…"

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><p>Hope you guys liked this chapter ^_^. Rodney gets punched in the gut by Jonah, hah, a favorite part there. Then Valerie and Jonah see each other for the last time. The next chapter will be a Jonah and Valerie chapter, but chapter 5 will be focusing on, yes, Sam. I should probably change the summary of the story up a little, because we're going to be focusing on the struggles of <em>everybody<em>. That includes Carly and Spencer, and everyone will help everyone.


	4. A Caring Gesture Rolls the Ball

ControllingOurFates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N:

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><p>Chapter4(A Caring Gesture Rolls the Ball)<p>

After some amount of time, the doctors were letting the students have their break, so Jonah and Freddie sat back and watched as all the cooking students worked on the ovens, they were giving presentations. Valerie was finishing hers up, but Jonah felt like he was the only one watching her. He felt for her, she was straining herself to give the best presentation she could, but the people were just laughing at her. She knew what she was doing, she was the best chef in the class, but they weren't saying anything bad about her cooking. They were simply heckling her out of spite of her past.

Jonah could see Freddie was getting irritated with these people. "Why do we want to listen to _you_, you probably just want to steal all the attention from us so you can make the better grade."

"Yeah, isn't she the one that wanted to take away the fans of iCarly?"

"Careful, she might have laced those cookies with poison." Valerie's eyes started to become misty, but she quickly shook away any tears. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want her makeup to run away. "You remember when that television dropped on her?"

Jonah growled and Freddie closed his eyes, both men were trying their best not to get involved. It wasn't their place. Valerie pointed to the cookies on her counter and frowned. Maybe they were bad. Some of the cookies were broken, due to their fall. She never got a chance to make a new batch. "Look at those cookies, they're probably bad, I mean those few over there are already broken anyway. And what's with her hand?"

Valerie whimpered under her breath and Jonah's eyes fell to her hand, it had been wrapped in a sterile gauze bandage, possibly treating a burn. A tear escaped her eye and Jonah felt a surge of pain in his heart. He understood the cruelness of people, but why would they be so cruel to someone like Valerie? He knew she had to have a good heart if even Freddie would stand for her.

"I don't know, I think that television should have put her out, no one needs her around, right?"

"Class that's enough," the teacher interrupted. Though it didn't make much difference, Valerie was running out of the classroom in tears. Jonah looked to Freddie, anger coursed through his veins. He wasn't going to get violent though. Freddie cracked his neck and stepped forward.

"Hey! That's enough out of you guys!" The class let out a gasp as their eyes turned to Freddie, they hadn't been overly aware of his presence, oddly enough. "You shouldn't judge someone that you don't know a damn thing about! You don't know what she goes through, now I know more about her than you do because I dated her, and I'm not about to spout her personal business, but maybe you should cut some slack after three years!"

Jonah smiled with pride and grabbed one of Valerie's cookies, he was definitely going to try them. He admired Freddie for standing up for her, at least maybe if they saw that even if Freddie didn't hate her, that it was time to back off. If not, he'd deal with the students at a later time. He bit into the cookies and was stunned by a sudden wave of chocolate and minty flavor shooting onto his tongue and down his throat. It was warm, moist, and did he detect a hint of Andes Mint?

Thinking fast, he brushed past Freddie, nearly knocking his friend over and ignoring Freddie's shouting at him. If his mouth hadn't been full, he would have told Freddie to just keep talking to the kids in the class, not that he wasn't already doing exactly that. As he burst from the classroom, he could see Valerie sitting against a wall next to the bathroom. She had her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them, and her head down against her arm. His heart broke as her silent sobs penetrated that hardened shell he had around them.

He pressed his lips together and slowly walked over to her. "Hey, I think this is fantastic. What did you say these were again, Mint Chocolate chip?" He heard a sniffle and watched her barely lift her head up, he couldn't see her face.

"That's an ice cream flavor…those are Chocolate Mint Cookies. Yes, chocolate chips are used, but they're put in a pan with some butter, sugar, eggs and water…they need to melt into the mixture…" She spouted out the ingredients with such haste, as though it was all she knew and a deep part of her soul. It impressed him. When she lifted her head up, he could see makeup mixing together on the right side of her face and a mark that he instantly recognized as a bruise. Where did she get that from? What happened to her? Who did that to her? He swallowed and continued to talk to her, not wanting to seem too improper.

"You really know your stuff, that's impressive." She smiled slightly, it wasn't hard to detect a level of vagueness. When their eyes met, they locked tight. Jonah's breath left him and he quickly battled to regain his confidence. "I thought I tasted Andes Mint in here?"

"You can substitute the mint if you like, I used Andes." He knew Olivia _loved_ Andes mint candies, she had a pack by her bedside practically every night. Sometimes he'd try to sneak one away, but she wouldn't let him.

"You know, I have a little sister that would love these. Do you think I could take a batch home with me?" Valerie's eyes brightened for the first time and Jonah finally felt he could relax. He held his hand out, offering to help her get up. She gave him a brisk nod and placed her hand in his, using it as support as he pulled her to her feet.

"I can make them from scratch and show your sister how to make them. The ones in there were made a couple days ago. I had church Sunday, so I couldn't make any more. How old is your sister?"

"Fourteen."

"Does her mom let her cook?" Jonah frowned and moved his eyes to the side, he definitely didn't want to make her feel bad. He pushed his hands into his pocket and walked to her right, then leaned up against the nearby wall. Valerie took a look in his eyes and gasped as she suspected the worst. "Oh my god, did I just…"

"No, you're fine." He gave her a kind smile and lifted his hand up. He watched her eyes dart to his hand, watching it closely. He frowned and lowered it. His eyes traced her bruising and his stomach churned. Whoever did that to her, she wanted to find that person. "My mom died when I was eight years old, and ever since, I've pretty much raised my little sister…"

"What about your dad?"

"He spends all day and all night in his study. He's become a stay at home worker, writing codes for some computer company. He also tends to write novels, but none of them have really been published."

"Wow…" Jonah's chest rose as he took in a sharp, steady breath. He smiled at her and straightened himself up. "My daddy's always busy with work, he's a CEO at Seattle Computer Products, SCP. He actually just became CEO, he's been working really hard since Mom…" She pressed her lips together and sighed as Jonah continued to watch her eyes. She breathed in and nervously ran her hand through her hair. "I noticed you were standing with Freddie."

"Yeah, he's one of my best friends, known him since I was a kid."

"That's great." She gave him a smile and folded her arms over. She moved her body to the right and flicked her eyes down the hallway. Jonah had been keeping track of her movements and was actually wondering why she was so concerned with the hallway.

"He's actually in there right now, telling the other kids in your class off for what they were saying." Her eyebrows rose and she turned her head to the door, she could see through the window that Freddie was still talking to the class. "He did tell me about your mom, not much though, just enough to understand…You don't deserve any of the crap you have to deal with. Believe me, I know what you're going through with these kids, I've been through it myself. You've probably heard it a million times, but you don't have to go through it alone, you don't even have to take it."

"I don't know…maybe I do deserve it…" Her eyes grew cloudy and her words pierced him. Exactly how much did she suffer that she honestly believed she _deserved_ all the bullshit? "I don't want to think about that right now, I just…" She shook her head and put her hand to her forehead. "I need to get cleaned up…what's your sister's name?"

"Olivia."

Valerie smiled and lifted her shoulders. Jonah's eyebrows rose as she closed her eyes and brightened a bit. "I have four sisters, one older and three younger."

"Do you want to go back into the classroom?"

"I…I can't go back in there, not like this." Jonah nodded and rubbed his chin, he knew Olivia would be getting home from school in a few hours, maybe Valerie could show him what ingredients they needed.

"Here's a thought, if you don't mind…We could go to your place, you could grab the ingredients you need and then we could swing over to my place and you could teach Olivia how to make those cookies, I just _know_ she'd love them."

"Well…" She tapped her chin and slanted her eyes. "Cutting class, though?"

"I think right now, you don't need to deal with them."

"Yeah." Jonah heard a voice around the corner, it was Rodney, talking to possibly another 'client' of his. He saw Valerie's eyes widen and yelped as she took his wrist and started pulling him, running down the hall. She looked like she was very afraid of something, or _someone_. "I'm all for your suggestion, let's just go!"

"Well okay then…"

Valerie's father had dropped her off to school on his way to work, so they took Jonah's car. While they drove, Jonah took note of Valerie's silence through the entire trip. It gave him time to think, time to piece things together, and he had to wonder if Rodney had something to do with her. When they made it to her house, he had to respond to a text from Freddie asking where he'd gone, even though class was over, he was still wondering about Jonah cutting the _rest_ of the school day. When he texted that he was with Valerie, Freddie's only response was a shocked smiley and then the word 'Ok'.

They made it inside, Valerie had to unlock the door. She looked at him and smiled vaguely. "I need to put some more makeup on…I'm sure you've noticed the-"

"Yeah, would I be in the wrong to ask what happened?"

"You're fine…If you want to know, it was my boyfriend…" Jonah's heart sank, not for the fact that she already had a boyfriend, but for the fact that her boyfriend actually _hit_ her. He knew better than to openly call the man a scumbag, even if it was true. It was always best to not harp on somebody's relationship, as it made you look like a chump. "Please don't tell anyone…"

"They don't know? Your family? Friends?" She moved her eyes down and shrugged her shoulders. Again, he felt like an idiot. Of course she wouldn't tell anybody if she was being abused, most people didn't want to know.

"I don't have any friends…I don't want to worry my family either."

"I understand, but you can't just let him continue doing this to you."

"Why not? I deserve it…For the record, you're the only one to say those cookies were any good. Minus my family, of course, but I'm just saying…you are…" His heart stopped and he watched her move to the bathroom. He thought she looked beautiful without any makeup, but if she thought it best to cover up the bruises, he wouldn't argue with her.

He turned his eyes to a family portrait and smiled as he walked closer to the picture. It had a brass frame around it and appeared to have been taken at a park. It obviously reflected a happier time. The parents stood in the middle, holding each other's hands, while their daughters surrounded them. On the right of the father was Valerie and her older sister, she was looking bright as ever. On the side of the mother were two girls who looked a little younger than Valerie. Then, standing in front of the parents, was the youngest child. He looked to Valerie and a smile graced his face. She was so beautiful. He didn't notice her step next to him for a second until he tore his gaze from the picture.

"That was taken five years ago, mom was on visitation from overseas. This was a year and a half before she got shot…I don't mean to be a downer, so stop me if I am."

"You're fine." She smiled and looked at him for a minute. As he met her eyes, he smiled back. "What is it? Do I have something on my face?"

"No it's just…would you like to know more about my family?"

"Sure."

"Okay, I'll tell you all about them while I get everything ready." She bit her lip, evidently thinking about something, then looked off to a bedroom. "I would check on mom, but since she's probably asleep, I think it'll be okay…"

"Never skipped class before, have you?" Jonah smirked slightly as Valerie slowly shook her head. Her eyes were large, as though the mere thought of skipping class was deathly absurd. She led Jonah into the kitchen and grabbed her ingredients sheet. She had him running all over the kitchen, collecting every ingredient she asked for, including of course, a whole sack of the Andes Mints. Once they were done there, moved to Jonah's car and started driving to his house. "You know, you seem like a really good cook and a good person. Your boyfriend doesn't know how lucky he is. I don't see why anyone would want to hit you."

"You think that?" She blushed slightly and turned her head to him, smiling slightly. "Did Freddie tell you anything about me?"

"Well of course, but I don't see why one mistake should become your entire life."

"What do you mean?" Jonah's eyes turned down to the dashboard as he shook off the memory of his own mistake.

"The past is the past, this is why they call it the past. It's a quote I found somewhere, it really stood out to me these last few years." Valerie lifted her eyebrows and stared straight ahead at the road. Jonah kept his hands firmly on the wheel and looked at the left turn he'd have to make. He knew if he couldn't ask her out, that was okay, but he wanted to at least be her friend. "I could go on and on with all the quotes I've found, but I'd like to think my own words mean something to people too. Then, it turns out it doesn't always mean anything coming from me…if you really want to know the people who've helped me best, I'd say my best friend."

"Freddie?"

"Yeah. I don't know if you know that I dated Sam once." She nodded and a subtle smirk made him fear, she knew of him already. He felt guilty now, having not recognized her at first. "Well I messed up. Big time…and I've been paying for it ever since. However, that day, Freddie helps me down and he tells me some crucial words."

"What were those?" She leaned forward and pushed her hands along her legs, scraping her fingers into her palms.

"He told me not to let this become _me_, not to let anybody hold one mistake against me for the rest of my life, as we were sure was going to happen. He stated quite simply that it would be best to make damn sure I was ahead of the game, that he'd be there to help me out if I needed him."

"And did you?"

"Did Freddie need a guy friend to keep the girls from dragging him along to all those feminine shops?" Valerie laughed, remembering that little dilemma that he talked about. Her laughter was like music to his ears, a sweet treasure which he could hold dear. "That's the thing about friends, you can stare the storm in the eye, you can go through hell, you can push along the strain and come on top or you won't, but without friends to bear the strain with you, none of it would mean anything. That's why we all need friends."

"Yeah, that's the truth. I never know how to make friends, always so busy…"

"Well it's not hard. For instance, we could be friends. I'm sure Freddie wouldn't mind hanging with you either." Valerie chuckled and Jonah detected a shy smile upon her face. "Well, Freddie's also dating Sam now, by the way."

"Oh wow, I wondered about those two years ago..."

"Yep, they're finally together. So…tell me a bit about yourself."

"Okay!" She cleared her throat and closed her eyes, where to begin? "Well, I told you about my mom and about my dad, they're really nice. We're Christian, we go to church every Sunday. My sisters and I are all two years apart from each other, the oldest is Vanessa and she lives on the campus dormitories of the college she's going to. Then there's Veronica, two years younger than I am, I'm the second oldest. She wants to be a model when she grows up, or at least a modeling agent of some type." Jonah nodded and turned the corner, he would definitely remember this in case she decided to quiz him one day. "Then Victoria, she's really good at art and is a very carefree person. Although, she tends to be the one with that 'middle sibling' syndrome that people talk about…I don't see why, she gets plenty of attention. Then the youngest is Vixen, she's taking dance lessons and hopes to be either a professional dancer or a dance teacher, she's not sure yet, but she always says something to do with dancing. Every night we have family time which consists of reading the bible, playing games, studying, watching television, and so much more."

"Awesome, your family sounds really close." He was almost jealous, but he thought it was enough that he and Olivia were close.

"Yeah, we are. Though, I still don't feel like telling them about my boyfriend…They know I'm dating, but they've never met him." Jonah raised an eyebrow as Valerie frowned and looked away momentarily. "I don't really even like him anymore…I think my feelings for him stopped a long time ago."

"Oh…" He clicked his tongue and tried to make heads or tails out of what she was saying. It confused him. Why, if she was over him, was she still with him? Would it be insensitive to ask? He didn't know, but he would have to try. "Can I ask a question? You don't have to answer…"

"Go ahead."

"Why, if he hits you and you're over him, why are you still with him?" He glanced at her and studied her expression. She was biting her lip and had a very hard look in her eyes. It was almost like she was afraid to leave this man.

"I feel like…I feel like I can't do any better, and honestly, I'm _scared_. I could have broken up with him a long time ago, at least a year ago, but the way he is…I just have no feelings towards him. He's a drug addict, he's a dangerously violent man, but I don't want to leave him and he end up killing me…besides, after what I did to Freddie, it feels like I _deserve _to be abused like that. I feel like…he makes me think I'll never find anyone better…and truth is, I think he knows I want to leave him, but he won't let me. He constantly reminds me that if I left him, I'd never find a man."

Jonah's throat tightened and he growled inwardly as he drove into his driveway. Who was this guy? He wanted to tear this man's head off, he wanted to destroy everything about this man. "Valerie, take it from me. You _don't_ deserve that, and even Freddie will tell you that. You _can_ do better than someone like that. Someone that would abuse a woman is a coward, he is a coward. That type, they're afraid of being alone, so afraid that they feel if they don't try to keep you with fear that you'll leave them…"

"There was nothing ever good about Rodney…I don't even know why I ever dated him…" Jonah's blood ran cold and a chill shot down his spine. His body froze and he felt Valerie's concerned gaze on his him. _Rodney_? Did she just say _Rodney?_ "I don't have the strength to leave him…" He pulled himself to reality and spotted Freddie's car driving up. He raised an eyebrow and grinned as he saw Sam in the passenger seat, evidently Freddie was cutting class and had Sam's help. Valerie looked over and gasped, she hadn't expected them to show up.

"What are they doing here?"

"I don't know, Freddie probably is coming over to jump my ass for leaving him back there on his own." He chuckled nervously and imagined Freddie trying to handle the entire class solo. Chances were likely, they didn't listen to him very well.

"Please don't tell them about Rodney. Please?" He could respect that, but it would be hard. She needed somebody to help her through it all, maybe he could be that friend. Or maybe, just maybe, Sam could. Hell, Jonah wasn't even positive why Sam would even be here if she knew Valerie was, but then again, Freddie did say Sam didn't really care so much about everything that happened before.

"I won't tell them. The only one that will tell anyone anything is you, and that'll be whenever you feel like it, all right?" She smiled at him and reached over, giving him a friendly hug. He took a deep breath and hugged her back. "Don't be afraid of that jerk, Valerie. Trust me, Rodney isn't worth it. Come on, let's get inside."

"Okay, and…thanks for talking to me."

"Gladly."

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><p>Hopefully you liked the chapter, a lot of sweet moments. Next chapter will be told from Sam's perspective. By the way, a little teaser for you, Valerie's ringtone that goes off whenever Rodney calls is Rihanna's "Man Down" XD<p> 


	5. Heart to Heart

ControllingOurFates

Disclaimer:IdonotowniCarly!

A/N:

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><p>Chapter5 (Heart to Heart)<p>

"Of course, he's still with Valerie." Freddie chuckled as he saw his friend talking to Valerie in his own car. Sam lifted her eyebrows up and nodded. Freddie had texted her in class and said Jonah took off with none other than Valerie, so Sam had responded that they should wait for him at his house. She hadn't actually talked to Jonah in so long, but he wasn't the reason she decided to tag along and get Freddie to actually skip out on the rest of his classes that day. It was Valerie she was interested in.

"I can't believe she's actually here. I mean, it's one thing that you and Jonah are friends, but Valerie…" She was curious as to what was going on with Valerie, she had already been talking to Freddie about what went down during the classroom and in all honesty, she'd been appalled by it. She always wondered if Valerie was okay after the incident with that screen falling on her head. She still felt somewhat guilty over actually having _laughed_ back then "Do you think she's going to hate me?" Freddie shook his hand and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Nah, she doesn't seem like the type. I'm just worried about her because she took out of that classroom in tears…" Sam met Valerie's eyes from the car and breathed a shallow sigh of sorrow. What was it with the sadness and worry in that girl's eyes? There had to be something deep rooted. There was in all of them, after all. "All right Sam, let's get out of the car before they start thinking we've grown another head."

"Freddie, I know you say we all harbor _something_ inside of us, something painful. Do you really have anything? I mean, you never seem to…" She turned her head to him and saw his face grow stern and his muscles tense. His eyes started to fill with animosity and he quickly turned his gaze away. She felt his anger rub off on her like a fire, but what could possibly be burning inside him? "Freddie?" She couldn't possibly expect him to tell her when she herself was harboring things that he didn't know about. Sure, he knew she had some insecurities, but he never knew exactly what. Only Carly really knew a good majority, but she hated burdening people with it all. It wasn't even until recently that it had been brought up that her father left her mother. She'd been so young at the time, at least five years old when her dad just walked out that door and never returned.

"I'll talk about it later, there's no time to talk about it right now."

"I understand." She knew better than to press a subject that shouldn't be pressed, she'd been doing that all her life after all, and it still brought negative results. The two exited the car and watched as Jonah got out first. Sam swallowed hard as he leaned against the roof of his car and looked to Freddie, who was smirking at him.

"You know you left me in there with a bunch of psychos, right?"

"Yeah, sorry about that one, bro…I got caught up." Sam moved her eyes from Jonah to Valerie, who was finally getting out of the car. She felt her heart clench inside her chest as her eyes fell to the bandaging on Valerie's hand. What exactly happened to her? "Yo, help Val and myself out with some of these ingredients."

"Ingredients? What exactly are you doing?"

"Teaching Olivia how to make those cookies Valerie made."

"Oh! Those were awesome by the way, I tried some, couldn't get enough." Valerie's eyes lit up and Sam's eyebrows rose. Such a small compliment and Valerie practically jumps for joy? She tilted her head and gazed at Valerie's right cheek, the way the sun was hitting it looked way off. It was _clear_ she was wearing makeup, but the strange thing was, three years ago Valerie at some point stated she hated makeup. Not only that, but it was evident Valerie wasn't putting the makeup on right, half her face didn't have nearly as much, she wasn't evening out the makeup and laying it on way to thick. Matching that up with the look that had been in her eyes and the quick flash of joy when Freddie complimented her cooking, Freddie did tell her the kids had been chastising her cooking. She swore she'd seen it all this reaction before. The only question was _where_? "Anyway, what about your dad, won't he care if you're home early?"

"Pops? He's probably in his study like he always is, and no…he wouldn't give a damn." Sam caught a hint of disappointment and anger in even Jonah's eyes. Now what was the problem? It wasn't her primary cause of concern, she came for Valerie, but that didn't mean she wouldn't at least _talk_ to Jonah.

"Fair enough." Sam breathed in as she saw Jonah turn to her. What was she going to say? How was she gong to act? She was basing everything on what Freddie told her about him, about how he changed and about how he had been going through rough times. She met his eyes momentarily, she could feel the pressure of his stare. He shifted his body to the side and tilted his head. Had he even wanted to see her? "Well Jonah, you know Sam. Sam, Jonah." Sam bravely moved herself forward. She was pushing down her nerves and questioning who to talk to first.

"Yeah I know who she is, though it's been what, three years? I think I still have the scars to prove it." Sam clicked her tongue and looked towards the green grass of the front yard. So she was young and putting someone on a thing like that wedgie bounce could have potentially killed the guy.

"Yeah, just wanted to apologize for that, but still..." She flicked her eyes to Valerie and eyed the makeup once more. She remembered where she'd seen it before, but she wasn't sure who would possibly want to hurt Valerie, or if it actually happened. She'd seen enough abuse victims in the school's counseling office to know what abuse looked like and how they responded to it. "Can we go inside?"

"Sure, come on." Valerie walked ahead to the door, letting Jonah lead the way. Sam kept in line with Freddie and kept her eyes locked onto Valerie. It pained her to have to think about Valerie being abused. She'd texted Carly earlier to say that she wouldn't be able to go to the smoothie shop until later because she wanted to see what was up with Valerie, that Freddie had been sticking up for her when people were chastising her about what happened three years ago. Carly texted her back with a frowning smiley and said she'd wait around for her.

When they entered the house, Jonah stopped moving abruptly and stared at his sister _already_ home and playing a video game. She shouldn't even be home for at least another hour. He cleared his throat and Olivia froze. "Olivia, what are you doing home so early?"

"You know, I could ask you the same thing, Jonah." Sam snickered as Olivia rose and turned towards them. She had a bright smile, minimal freckles on her cheeks and light brown hair going down in a ponytail. She wore a pink tank top with a picture of Hello Kitty, she was also wearing deep blue jeans and had a fuzzy black wrist bracelet on her right arm. "Besides, I wasn't feeling too well earlier and had the nurse send me home." Jonah crossed his arms over and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"You look like you're feeling better now."

"Oh yeah, playing a few video games made me feel _much_ better!" She flashed a grin and Sam covered her smile with her hand. Sam looked over to Jonah and saw him smiling and shaking his head. His chest rose and he lowered his arms.

"Well anyway, I want you to meet someone."

"Okay? Well let's see, I know…" Olivia pointed to Freddie and grinned widely. "Freddie!" Sam raised her eyebrow watched Olivia run up to Freddie and hug his neck, screaming like a fan girl of a superstar. Sam cleared her throat uncomfortably and Jonah moved over, tapping Olivia on the shoulder.

"He's dating someone now."

"Aw!" Sam gave Freddie a look of bewilderment as he lifted his shoulders up and chuckled. "Well anyway, what's Sam doing here, Jonah? I haven't seen her in years!" Sam closed her eyes and pushed down the nauseating feeling of annoyance. She shouldn't be surprised that someone out there had a crush on Freddie, a _lot_ of people did.

"Well first of all, I'm dating Freddie. Second of all, we came here because Jonah left class early." Sam smirked and watched in triumph as Jonah paled and his sister laughed, pointing a finger in his face.

"Hah! And you were getting onto _me_ for being home early!" Freddie guffawed and Valerie continued to watch in silence. Sam moved her gaze over to Valerie and felt a shadow of sorrow over her once again. She didn't even _smile_ at the fun moment. "So what _are_ you doing home so early?"

"Okay, this is Valerie…" Jonah pointed to Valerie and she waved. "I met her today in the room where the CPR training is."

"You mean the home economics class."

"Yes. That class…Hey, it's free food!" Valerie closed her eyes and the corners of her lips drew upwards. Sam's heart rose slightly and she returned her gaze to Jonah. "Anyways, she made these awesome cookies today and I thought it might be nice to ask her if she'd teach you how to make them."

"Well I _do_ enjoy cookies."

"You enjoy Andes even more." Olivia's eyebrows shot up and she quickly looked from Jonah to Valerie. "This recipe is Chocolate Mint Cookies and while it calls for a specific mint, you _can_ substitute, apparently. She often substitutes the mint with Andes Mint candies."

"Oh…my…_god_, okay I definitely want to learn!" Sam watched as Olivia ran for Valerie, to try and introduce herself. She was so energetic that Valerie actually took a step back. Sam's brow furrowed as she watched a hint of shock and fear pass through Valerie's eyes for a split second before she regained herself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spook you…I just really like…yeah okay…"

Valerie lifted her hand up and smiled politely. "It's okay. Just lead me to your kitchen and I'll show you how to make them. It'll just be us two, so the boys won't distract us." Sam tapped her fingers on her left elbow and looked over as the boys walked to the television and Olivia led Valerie into the kitchen.

Sam moved over to the guys and leaned against the burgundy couch. It was all starting to come back to her, she was able to remember just about every part of this room. She let her hands slide along the top of the couch and looked down to where Freddie was sitting in front of her. Her heart beat and she carefully guided her hands to his shoulders and down to his chest, then around his neck. She felt him place his hand upon her arm and she countered with a kiss to his neck. "You ever plan on telling Carly that you are friends with Jonah still?"

"She still doesn't know?"

"I haven't told her…" She was respectful of that fact when Jonah revealed they'd been friends. After the whole incident with the wedgie bounce, they asked her not to bring it up with Carly until they felt the time was right. "You never told me to let her know, so I never did." Jonah chuckled and the couple glanced over at him, wondering what he was chucking about. He took a seat on the recliner that was on the left of the couch, facing towards the front door.

"So does this mean you're going to stop picking on Freddie all the time?" She winced and slowly stood straight up. She did feel bad about that, but it wasn't her fault. It was that damn father of hers. Everyone always ends up leaving her, so she never lets anyone get too close. She felt Freddie's eyes on her, so she rounded the couch and took a seat. Her throat tightened as she stared straight ahead. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's just…" She pressed her lips together and turned her eyes to the ground, only Carly really knew anything about her. Did she really want to tell Freddie and Jonah? Granted they probably already knew _of_ her insecurities.

Freddie turned his eyes to her and moved his hand onto hers. The warmth of his touch set her nerves on fire and she started to smile. "You okay, Sam?" She closed her eyes and placed her head comfortably onto his shoulder. Maybe this time, she'd be lucky. Maybe this time the world would let her be happy.

"You'd never leave me, would you?"

"Of course not." His words echoed into her heart and she rubbed her head against his shoulder. If it hadn't been for Carly telling her to try and be happy, she would never have even kissed him. If it hadn't been for his talking to her that night, she would never have let him know. If it hadn't been for the kiss at Troubled Waters, she _definitely_ would never have allowed herself to get close to him.

"No matter what?"

"Sam, what's on your mind?" Was she being that obvious? Maybe she was. She looked over to Jonah, he was leaning forward with his fingers pressed together in between his knees, and his eyes were staring at the ground before him as though he were thinking about something. If Freddie was right, then everybody here was alike, yet different. They all must have something on their minds.

"You already know it's difficult for me to open up myself to anyone…but mostly guys." The men looked to her and she felt a pang in her heart. She really didn't _want_ this. Valerie peeked her head into the room and looked at Sam closely. "I don't know what it is, I think…even my dad didn't want me, you know. Not only that, but…only Carly knows this…I think I might have seen…" Pausing, she felt her heart start thrashing about. She moved her arms up and hugged herself, closing her eyes tightly. Freddie wrapped his arms around her while Jonah moved over to her and placed his hand upon her shoulder.

When they had gone to LA, to that party, there had been a boy there that looked _so much_ like her father did, but she couldn't be sure. It weighed heavily on her mind and tore her insides apart, even rapping against that damn kid with the puppet didn't make her feel any better. The strangest part was that guy looked like he was the same _age_ as her! When they made it home, she went right to that school website and ever since, she'd been staring at that guy's photo, saying that it was impossible. Every day she looked, every night she cried, and every time, Carly would be the one to hold her and tell her it was okay.

"You guys don't know how lucky you are…" The minute she said that, she felt a twang of guilt, making her wish she could pull that statement back. Her eyes flicked over to Freddie, who had his eyebrows lifted up. She knew his father was dead, she didn't know the specifics, but she knew. "I'm sorry Freddie, I don't mean that to say-"

"It's fine Sam. Jonah and I both have some difficulties with thinking about our fathers." Sam followed Jonah's gaze to a closed door and watched as his face and eyes crashed downwards. "Sam, I know I've never told you girls this, but…do you remember the Shadow Hammer guys?" Sam furrowed her brow as she let the memory sink into her mind, she hardly ever thought about the guy, but she remembered him. When Spencer changed the signs on Freddie's door, she and Carly went by to check on him, but he was gone. Mrs. Benson said he'd been gone for hours.

"Yeah, you vanished at one point." Sam moved her eyes over to Jonah as he cleared his throat.

"He was over here. He called me up, said he needed to get his mind focused on something, so I went over and we talked about that guy. Then after that, we came over and hung out with my little Sis."

"I see, what was going on?" She returned her gaze to Freddie and saw him shaking horrendously. Thinking fast, she carefully placed her hand upon his and he moved his eyes to hers. She smiled at him and watched as he began to relax.

"That man, Sam…That man killed my father when I was eight years old…" Her eyes widened and the words pounded her with such force that it stole the air from her lungs. Freddie leaned forward, placing his elbows upon his knees and then clasped his hands together just below his chin. "Dad was…responding to a robbery going on at the video arcade I was at."

"Oh my god…"

"Dad went in there, and maybe I interfered with his line of duty, I don't know, but I remember calling out to him just before…" His muscles tensed up and Sam moved her other hand onto his. "I have wanted to kill that man ever since that day. I've hated him, I've tracked every robbery he was responsible for…"

"Freddie I'm so sorry." She hugged him close and felt her stomach flip. She hated seeing him get like this and she was going to be sure that he made it through this. She already knew about Jonah's dad and wanted things to work out for them too, but only time would tell. She lifted her head up and saw Valerie slowly walk out of the kitchen. Once more, she could detect that sadness in the girl's eyes.

"Hey, Olivia's doing well with the cookies…" The boys looked over and smiled at her. "They should be done in a few minutes if anyone's interested." Sam's lips curled up and she slowly stood to her feet.

"I bet they're going to be good. If Jonah and Freddie say they're good, then they must be." Valerie's nervous looking face shifted to a look of pride and Sam lifted her eyebrows up, feeling the success of making Valerie smile.

"Thanks."

It was not long before the cookies were done and everyone was going on and on about how amazing they were. Sam kept her eye on Valerie while Olivia was prattling about how delicious the cookies were and how Valerie made the best teacher. It lifted her heart to see Valerie's face glowing as it was, she couldn't explain it. When she first met Valerie, she disliked her, but after that screen fell on her head, she felt guilty and now she just wanted to talk to her.

Bravely, she stepped forward to Valerie, who was watching the others munching on the cookies. She lifted her hand and tapped Valerie's shoulder. The girl turned around and faced her, her smile immediately fell. "Hey Sam…"

"Come with me."

"Why?"

"Just trust me." Sam took Valerie's hand and started pulling her from the room, smiling surely. Valerie followed her, but Sam could feel her reluctance.

"What's happening?" Sam led her into the bathroom and closed the door. When she turned around, she saw Valerie's eyes beginning to betray a slight amount of panic.

"I just wanted to talk to you in private. Also…your makeup is off, I want to help you balance it." Valerie's eyes grew some more and she took a fearful step back.

"T-That's not necessary." The words stuck Sam in a tender spot, but they seemed to confirm the truth for her. She breathed in slowly and moved over to the cabinet above the sink, opening it and revealing some of Olivia's makeup items.

"I'm not going to hurt you Valerie, I just need to do this for you. Freddie told me you'd never been a makeup person…"

"That's right, I still don't like makeup…"

"Then you need to go light on it, but you also need to balance it." Sam pulled the makeup from the cabinet and started setting it down on the sink. "I came here when Freddie said he was going to see if Jonah was at the house and that Jonah left with you. I wanted to talk to you…"

"About what?" She heard the hesitation in Valerie's voice and continued to speak calmly, trying her best to avoid freaking Valerie out any longer. She closed her eyes and breathed in, her heart was swelling remarkably.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what happened all those years ago, I'm sorry that those jerks at school are laughing at you." She opened her eyes and studied Valerie's face closely. It took everything inside of her to even muster up the strength for an apology. Valerie's face fell while her lips moved up slightly, but she didn't seem all that happy. "You never deserved any of that, all you wanted was a friend, right?"

"I never had any friends….but I never wanted pity either."

"Nobody is going to pity you Valerie. A true friend will care about you. Everyone out there right now, and even Carly, would be and is a true friend, if you'll let them be." Valerie found a stool and pulled it over to the sink, sitting on it. "I learned that recently." Sam moved over to Valerie and pulled the girl's hair back into a ponytail. "Now relax, it'll be okay…"

"Just…"

"Shh…" Sam started brushing Valerie's hair and looked in the mirror. She saw Valerie's eyes developing some water. Sam put a ponytail holder onto Valerie's hair and brought her hands gently to Valerie's face, wiping her eyes with a napkin. "Just trust me Valerie, I'm not going to do anything to you, okay? You know, I used to push everybody away from me, still do to an extent, I've been hurt so much from my dad leaving us, from almost every guy I've ever liked screwing me over. I'm really hoping Freddie's going to be…better than that." She watched Valerie smile, it was a wary smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"He will be, I know that. He's a good guy." Sam's heart lifted and she continued brushing Valerie's hair.

"I hope you're right. I really do. I've gone through a lot of counseling, I still do. I've also had Carly to be that friend I needed all this time, she really supported me. I want to be your friend too, if you'll let me."

"Okay…I'll let you put makeup on me, just…be careful."

She smiled and nodded her head. "I will be. I'll have to remove the makeup on your cheek though, is that okay?" Valerie remained silent and stared at herself in the mirror. To Sam, she looked horrified of even the suggestion of the idea. "Well? It'll help me balance the makeup just fine."

"O-Okay, but…" She closed her eyes and breathed in. "Sam, you might see something…please don't be alarmed." Sam nodded with understanding and moved over to grab a dampened washcloth.

As she started washing Valerie's face, the girl began to sob, as the extensive bruising was revealed. The bruises were yellowish, almost brownish, with some purpling in the centers. They covered a third of her right face. It broke Sam's heart to see such abuse, but true to her word, she did not become alarmed. She breathed in and reached for the makeup. "Who did that to you, Valerie? Someone at the school?"

"Something like that…please don't tell anybody…Only Jonah knows. He's in the medical field, can't really lie to someone like that."

"Jonah and Freddie have always been intuitive like that, but I understand. I won't tell anybody. Just let me apply some makeup and you won't even be able to see it."

"It was Rodney, by the way…"

"Rodney? As in Rodney the Rip off?" She hadn't even heard about that guy in so long, to think that he was the one doing this to Valerie, it was unheard of! Then again, she didn't really know Rodney all that well and usually stayed away from him in the past. "What is he to you?"

"Boyfriend…" Sam raised her eyebrow and Valerie sobbed once. "I know, I know what you're thinking…I must be pathetic."

"No, you're not, and don't allow _anybody_ to tell you that. Okay? I know I treated you pretty badly back then, but those were different times, Val. You're a great cook, you're a good person. If Freddie says you're a good person, then you are a good person." She watched Valerie smile and felt a sense of pride rising inside of her. She didn't know it could feel so good to make someone smile, someone who had gone through so much. "How did you two meet? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's okay…and I don't know. We met after that day the screen fell on my head, he said he wanted to ask me out. After all this time, I know it was just…it was just another way to hurt me…He never cared about me and I don't care about him, but I can't just leave him…"

"Why?"

"I'm weak."

"No you're not, you're just scared." Valerie clenched her eyes shut as Sam finished applying the makeup. She shook her head and Sam took a step back.

"I don't want to talk about this. Please, not right now…"

"Okay, I won't make you talk about it."

"Thank you. Do you mean it when you say you want to be my friend? I mean, I know our history was…"

"I promise you, that's all past. Everyone in this house right now, Valerie. We'll all be your friend. Okay? Hell, even Carly would if you talked to her." She watched Valerie's smile grow and stepped back as the woman moved from her seat. Valerie then hugged her lightly and sniffed.

"Thank you…"

"Come on, let's go back out there. I want some more cookies." Sam smiled and took Valerie's hand, then led her back into the living room where everyone was waiting for them. The start of, maybe, a brand new path for all of them.

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><p>Next up we'll be seeing Carly and then Spencer. I hope you liked this chapter.<p> 


	6. Feelings of Guilt

ControllingOurFates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N:"'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter6 (Feelings of Guilt)<p>

"Carly, weren't you supposed to be out with Sam right now?" Spencer's voice rang in her ears as she focused on her homework assignment. She looked up from her desk and to her bedroom door where Spencer was standing. "I thought you guys were going over to get some smoothies or something."

"Yeah, but that's been put off for a couple hours, she's out with Freddie right now." It wasn't a surprise to her, but what was a surprise was what Sam told her about Valerie. Her brows furrowed as the girl came to mind. "Give me a few minutes Spencer, I'm still working on this assignment." Her brother nodded and started hurrying down the hall. She turned back to her paper and stared at the answers. It was a Government assignment, the class she was doing the best in. She had wanted to go into politics her entire life, so it was actually fun to hear the guy from the mental hospital say she'd be the future vice president. Even if he _was_ crazy and that would probably never happen, it was still incredibly flattering to hear. She could see herself as a powerful congresswoman though. He eyes lit up as she imagined herself older and in a dazzling navy blue or black suit and standing before a podium, giving a speech to congress. Maybe that could never happen, but a girl could dream, couldn't she?

Her eyes moved to a framed photo sitting on her desk, her thoughts quickly pulled away and to the people in that picture. It was of the family, her father, Spencer, their mom, and herself at the age of seven. It was the last family photo they ever took. Her lips curled down as she leaned back in her chair and rested her hands behind her head. She moved her eyes to the window in front of her and stared absently at the building on the other side of the street. "No beautiful views here…"

Now she didn't think much of her mother anymore, the woman was a cheater, just like Sam's father had been. She met some guy, probably as 'backup' for when their dad went overseas. She divorced him faster than the man could even cast a blink of an eye, then ran off to another state somewhere, probably Florida. She never once called her children, probably forgot about them. It didn't trouble Carly too much anymore, she just shrug it off and tried to focus on the positives in life, that was how she kept so peppy these days.

"Times are changing." She leaned forward and stared at the question on her worksheet. "A public official is accused and charged with unlawful conduct, what is the process called?" She slanted her eyes and tapped her chin, she couldn't get it out of her mind how remarkably easy this test seemed to be. She moved her hand to the blank space beneath the question and wrote _impeachment_. "Give me a challenge, I already know enough about politics. God I can't wait for college. Dad and Spencer would be proud. Maybe."

Her eyes turned to that photo once more and her stomach churned inside of her. Letting out a growl of frustration, she slammed the picture down and stood from her desk. She felt it was time for a break, anyway. As she walked to the other side of the room, she gazed up at the wall to see a sign that read "iCarly filmed here". There were a lot of good memories, but now it made her sick just thinking about all the bad things their webshow may have cost. Principal Franklin lost his job, they actually almost lost iCarly on multiple occasions to a television producer, who later lost _his_ job. They had a little childish brat trying to destroy them and losing all his viewers. Everybody hated Ms. Briggs even _more_ since iCarly ever begun, she even quit her job because of it. Now Sam texts her and tells her Valerie's been dealing with a beat down from the kids at school because of iCarly. It was even Carly herself who posted a message asking if anyone else thought what happened in the end was funny, but having a better frame of mind than that, she took it off, but by then the damage may have already been done. Steven, yes he cheated and deserved it, but his life was ruined too. Even their former doorman, Lewbert, had been fired just a year ago after he reacted with more anger towards them after the final prank they'd pulled on him. His boss's daughter just happened to be watching and told him what was going on. Freddie's mother got letters from people claiming she belonged to a nuthouse. While that may be true, it still really hurt her. One person she never knew about, that she would like to know how his life at least turned out, was Jonah. How bad did iCarly's 'curse' hurt him?

She groaned and walked out of her room, then headed down the stairs to where Spencer was actually drinking a bottle of beer while sitting on the couch and staring at the blank television. She raised her eyebrow and tightened her grip on the stairwell. He _drank_? She never knew he drank. "Spencer? What the hell?" She heard him scream out and jump up in surprise, hiding the bottle behind his back.

"Carly, how's your assignment going?"

"Um…fine…" She moved forward and kept her suspicious eyes upon him. He was shaking to the point Carly could practically feel his vibrations from here. "Spencer, since when do you drink? This is new…"

"What? I…"

"Don't try to lie to me, I saw the bottle in your hand. Plus…" She pointed to his reflection in the screen and he glanced back, wincing as the bottle reflected as well. "I can see it right there. What's wrong?"

"I don't know…" He set his beer on the coffee table and threw his hands into the air. She knew he had been seemingly out of it lately, but he always put on a show whenever anyone else was around. Sometimes, even when she was there. "It's just all getting to me, Carly. Don't look under the couch cushion."

"What? What are you hiding!" She rushed over to the couch and Spencer screamed in panic as she tore the couch cushions away in a frenzy. Her eyes widened and fear coursed through her veins as she feasted her eyes upon three months of unpaid rent and other utilities that they were supposed to be paying, such as the electric and the company that provided their extensive cable box. Their monthly rent was actually $1500, the cable they were using, which also came with the internet they needed came up to $300 and the electric was $150. Among the bills were prices for other things, including the junkyard which had come under new management that had started making people _pay_ to take junk out. Not to mention that the management of Bushwell Plaza upped their rent to $2000 due to damages. There were also bills from the maintenance and even from their car. She was looking at _least_ $10,000 worth of unpaid bills! "Spencer! What the hell is this?"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Spencer ran to the other side of the couch, his body movements were frantic and his eyes were glazed over. He threw his hands to his head and moaned. "I didn't want to tell you this, but a few months ago Dad found out I wasn't in law school and he made me start paying all of our bills."

"You're serious…" She already knew Spencer had been dealing with a lot of stress from feeling like he had gone down the wrong path in life. They had a deep heart to heart just a couple weeks ago about how he felt like he wasn't contributing anything in life and how he was starting to get bored with his art and running out of ideas. It seemed so peculiar, but now it was all making sense. He even told her how he didn't know if he should go back to school or not, he did know a lot about law. She knew when they came back from that mental hospital, he told her seeing his old friend from the college really hit him hard and made him really start thinking about the path in his life.

Carly's chest heaved as she moved her eyes up to his. He'd always said he'd taken 72 hours, which was actually a lot when talking about college. Some younger people thought 72 hours in college meant three _days_, but in reality that was the amount of credits that he had behind him. To become a lawyer, one only needed 90 hours of law school, close to 100. That was actually three to four years of law. He only needed 13 more hours, that would be another single semester, assuming he took five classes that equaled out to be three hours each, ending with fifteen hours. So one semester and then he could study for the bar exam and become a lawyer if he really wanted to.

"Carly, do you think I made the right choice by leaving law school?"

"Well…" She took his bottle of beer and walked to the kitchen sink, dumping it out. It made her sick to think he was drinking now, she hated to see that he might be ruining his life because of it. "You did it because you wanted to spite both Granddad, _and_ dad, since they both wanted you to become a lawyer so bad. So now you have no job, you make sculptures that you're telling me now you're still enjoying but having a hard time with the creative streak…and that's making our monthly payments suffer now. You spend all your spare time catering to a webshow. How did Dad find out, by the way?"

"…" She raised her eyebrow and set the bottle on the counter, then turned fully to him. He folded his arms over and sighed. "I said it on the webshow, that's how." She cringed as the words sank into her. Another life ruined? What was this world coming to? She knew Freddie and Sam would try to talk her out of it all, try to tell her that iCarly could benefit people, but she wasn't seeing it now. Her guilt was eating away at her far too much for her to see the good side. "He told me he was going to make me see that the way I was living was not a way to live and I told him he was wrong, but…"

"He wasn't wrong, I guess?" Her eyes moved to those unpaid bills. The very sight of them was making the bile rise up her throat. If this continued, they might have to find a different place to live, but that was too damn hard in the city. "Can't rely on dad's payments forever, Spencer." She didn't want to move, she really didn't. What was one more semester at the college? Four to six months? What could that hurt? "I don't think it would hurt to get back to law school. You'll always have art to fall back on, but at least you'd be making a decent sized check."

"How are we going to pay these bills off, Carly? I don't want to feel like I need to ask dad for help! He'll tell me he was right!"

"I don't think so, but whatever…Just, don't start drinking okay?"

"God Carly, it's not like I've ever been drunk, I only have like one bottle every now and then!"

"Sure, if you say so. Is there anything else you're worried about?" She moved to the couch and began taking all of the bills from there. Her eyes drifted to Spencer as she returned to the kitchen counter and placed the bills down neatly. He appeared a bit more troubled than a moment ago, but didn't seem to want to talk. She would get it out of him though, whatever was on his mind. "Talk to me Spencer. What _else_ are you worried about? We're never going to get anything straightened out if we hide things from each other you know!"

"Well, you know how I always go on those dates that seem to last like…one day?"

"Yes?"

"There's a reason for that…" She raised her eyebrow as Spencer returned the cushion to its original spot and sat down. His chest fell with his exhalation and he closed his eyes tightly. "You remember Sasha Striker?"

"Yes."

"Well it turns out…I dated her for a few months when we met all those years ago. I don't know if I told you that." She folded her arms over and started tapping her arm gently. She pushed down the irritation inside of her and sat down next to him. No, he had not told her that. What happened? How had it worked out? "We _really_ had a connection, one I've _never_ had with _any_ girl I've _ever_ been with, Carly!" She smiled and moved her hand to his shoulder. That was the first good news she heard in a long time. "We were happy with each other and I honestly think she could have been the one for me. We talked a lot about a possible future together…"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I was going to tell you, but then we broke up and I…well I kind of just got depressed and never wanted to talk about it." Her lips fell as she leaned back against the couch. What could possibly have gone wrong with a relationship that sounded so happy?

"So why didn't it last?"

"Because of that thing!" He pointed to his bottle robot and Carly lifted her eyebrows. "Sasha had _always_ been accepting of my art, but after the first time we, you know…" Her eyebrows rose even more and her face began to flush, she did _not_ want to know if Spencer had sex with Sasha. Such a binding act should at least wait for marriage. His eyes darted away as his cheeks started to turn red. "She said she loved me, Carly. She _loved_ me!" She gasped and felt her heart jump for joy, but there was still a hint of sadness as she realized every girl he dated after Sasha must have just been an attempt to fill a void left behind from his relationship with Sasha.

"Oh my god…Spencer, I'm so happy for you!"

"Don't be…I mean, I loved her too, but…" He moved his eyes to his sister and she could see they were still filled with love and longing as he spoke of Sasha. Maybe she missed him too? "When we broke up, it was really the first time I felt like I had nothing…" Her heart mourned and she brought her hands to rest in her lap. "We talked about having a future together and she said that she loved me very deeply, but if we were to have children, she wanted there to be promise that they would have a good life and that while she loved my art and felt that it was a _great_ life, it wasn't going to pay the bills whenever we would start a family. I…I told her I valued my art more than anything and then…"

"Don't tell me. Please tell me you didn't…" Her eyes widened with horror as Spencer's eyes began to water. He nodded and his head fell onto her shoulder as he began to tear up. He may have just ruined the best thing he ever had.

"I want her back so badly, Carly. I want to go back and tell her that I would do _anything_ for her. I want to tell her she means so much to me, that I would never ever trade her for a single thing in this world. My sculptures mean _nothing_ to me anymore if it means I can't have her by my side."

"Spencer…" She lifted her hand up and started rubbing his back. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, that he would be just fine, but she couldn't promise him that. She was done making promises now. If he was still mourning over Sasha, longing for him, two to three years later, then there was nothing she could say that would make him the slightest bit relieved.

"I was going to ask her to marry me, Carly. I wanted a life with her. I wanted to be with _her_. You know, she's probably forgotten all about me by now? She's probably moved on, found someone new, someone who _could_ provide a life for her and a family. Look at me! I'm a thirty year old man living off of building art and I can't even pay all my bills with it!"

"We'll figure something out, Spencer. I'm sure we will…it can't be all that bad."

"I have no life, Carly! It's all over! I'll never get a job anywhere!" Thinking fast and without hesitation, she slapped Spencer straight on the face, shutting him up. He yelped and his hand flew to his cheek as his eyes filled with pain.

"Now enough of that, okay? We're going to figure things out one way or another! If you have to go back to school, then go back to school. Until then, get a damn job somewhere, I'm sure T-Bo will hire you at the Smoothie shop. Now I knew things seemed off with you lately, but I didn't know you were harboring a depression this long, you _should_ have told me! I could have helped a long time ago! Dad could have, Granddad, _anybody_ could have helped if you _told_ someone! Now. What's done is done, there's no changing it. We just have to try…and make a better future…okay?"

"What am I going to do, Carly?"

"First…" She put her hands to Spencer's arms and looked into his eyes. "We're going to call Dad up and see if he'll take care of these bills before we get kicked out and you get put so far into debt that you run your credit into horrible shape."

"I don't want-"

"Ignore your damn pride, Spencer. There's no shame in asking Dad for help! At the very least, he wants you to go back to school, right? Maybe that was even Sasha's thing, wasn't it?"

"Well she did always talk about it…"

"Then you have to really think hard about what you want to do. Until then, we're going to call up T-Bo and get him to give you a job. Maybe you can get back into the Seattle University Law School and finish your last semester, but we can get you a bunch of books and whatever so you can study for the Bar exam at the same time."

"You're telling me you want me to go back into Law School too?"

"What do you want to do, Spencer?" Her phone rang out an alert for a text message. She groaned and pulled it from her pocket, checking it quickly. It was from Sam. Her eyebrows rose as she read the text. "It's Sam, she's going to be coming over now with Freddie, and they're bringing a couple friends…"

"Oh." Carly stood up and looked towards the kitchen. Her stomach growled as her eyes fell upon the refrigerator. She placed her hand on her stomach and looked to Spencer. "Can you make some supper for us?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, good. I want you to think about what we talked about, all right? In the meantime, those bills…they'll have to be taken care of. I'm going to go upstairs and get ready. I have a couple more questions on my homework to finish, so let me know when Sam and Freddie get here."

"Okay."

"Thanks." She gave him a hug and smiled at him. "It's going to all work out eventually. That much, I'm certain of."

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><p>Next chapter is Spencer's chapter, deals with three memories and was the toughest chapter to write up to this point. Yes, even harder than chapter 2 was. Carly seems to be the word of reason here, so that's good.<p> 


	7. Pride is a Killer

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N: IMPORTANT: I've decided to give GREATEST SECRET the ending I've originally intended it. This means that I'm continuing and rewriting the story from chapter 131. I don't know how many more chapters it will have, I don't think it'll have too many, but it may. I've made a few of the chapters 131-147 into blanks for now because that path is false and unimportant. Also, I can't delete those chapters as no one would be able to review them, those "blank" chapters on the site will be deleted when I have finished uploading the entire story. Okay, now that that's out of the way, please read this chapter and let me know your thoughts. This chapter was difficult. Here are the title options I debated with:

"Sasha" "Words He Can't Erase" "Guilt Over Her" "Pain of a Mistake" "Asking for Help" "Hardest Thing to Do"

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><p>Chapter 7 (Pride is a Killer)<p>

Spencer moved to the kitchen, thinking partially of what to make for supper. He placed his hands on the counter and looked at the bills. He wasn't sure why he thought if he hid them that they would go away. How had he ever been so naïve as to believe he could just make them disappear in the blink of an eye and pretend they didn't exist? "Don't think about them, Spencer…Don't think about money…Freddie and Sam coming over, Carly needs supper." He ran to the pantry and started pulling out various cans, there didn't appear to be anything worth calling dinner. "No, no, no, no!"

With a frustrated groan he flew to the fridge and opened up the doors. They had some lunchmeat, but he was almost certain nobody would want plain old sandwiches. They had no taco shells, no spaghetti, no eggs, or anything else that would have been essential to make. He yanked his wallet from his pocket and stared into the cash part of it, but it was bare. He reached in and was certain he saw a dead fly. "Ugh…" He knew his credit card didn't have a lot of money on it at the time, nor did he have anyone wanting to buy anymore sculptures for a while. "What the hell am I doing wrong?"

_"Spencer…"_ His face softened as his heart started to beat softly. An image of Sasha in a long, silky blue dress flowing down to her heels, and luscious brown hair fluffed and swaying with a bounce of her step came to his mind. She was laughing joyously and jogging in the park, teasing him about not being able to keep up. _"Come on Spencer, catch me!"_ They'd just left a formal party that had been hosted in honor of some of the military soldiers. Spencer had been there in place of his father. _"Can you keep up?"_

_"Slow down, I'm not that athletic!" She laughed, her beautiful sound ringing in his ears. Her cheeks were flush with pink and her eyes shone like diamonds. He wanted her more than anything._

_"So you think you can beat my record at a video game, I guess that's all you can beat me at then?"_

_"Not true!" He hid himself behind a tree as she ran on ahead. He followed and kept his eyes on her, studying every gorgeous feature. She was physically beautiful as she was in her heart. She stopped when she didn't see him following her any more._

_"Spencer? Spencer where did you go?" She frowned and looked around. She was in the center of a bunch of maples and pine oaks, surrounded by knee high grass. She looked up into the sky and smiled as she watched the clouds roll by. "That one looks like a bunny…"_

_"I got you!" He charged from the brush and spread his arms out, his lips were wide in a grin._

_"Huh?" She squealed as he tackled her towards the ground and turned so he'd land on his back. She laughed with rich laughter and leaned in close to him, almost touching his nose with hers, and gazing lovingly into his eyes. "You shouldn't scare a lady like that, Spencer."_

_"I don't think I scared you, did I?" He pouted his lip playfully and she laughed once more, brushing her hair behind her ear.__ She giggled and ran her finger along the bridge of his nose. _

_"Not really, I thought you were hiding somewhere. So what's the big bad prince going to do now that he's caught his princess?"_

_"Well first, I'm going to do this…" He tightened his embrace around her waist and pulled her down closer. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Then I'm going to kiss you."_

_"Oh? You're going to kiss me? What if I won't let you kiss me?"_

_"You'll let me."_

_"Is that a challenge?" She smirked playfully and he smirked back. _

_"I just know you're going to kiss me, because I have something to tell you." _

_"And what is that?"_

_"That I love you." Her eyes brightened with stars and her voice left her speechless as her cheeks turned bright red. It was the first time he'd ever told her that he loved her. He could feel her heart pounding with his as she leaned down a bit more._

_"Y-You really…"_

_"I love you Sasha, I know you've wanted to hear me say those words, but I love you more than you could ever imagine. You are so beautiful, in every way. So graceful, so…I know we've been together now for three months, I've never felt the way I feel now than I've ever felt before, and I don't think I'll ever feel any differently. You make me so happy, happier than I've _ever_ been in a lifetime."_

_"Spencer, I…" He examined her quivering eyes and her soft lips. He meant every word from the bottom of his heart. He couldn't live without her love. _

_"Kiss me, Sasha?" _

_"Oh Spencer…" She let out a breathless pant and moved down, kissing his lips in full. He tightened his embrace and closed his eyes, kissing her back and taking in the passion and the pleasure of every second of their kiss. The sparks were there and he was almost certain there were fireworks going off somewhere in the park. Though it could have been in his head for all he cared. The fire ignited inside of him and he slowly moved his hands up to her back and put some extra passion into the kiss before pulling apart. He smiled at her and watched as she tried to catch her breath. She moved her hand to his cheek and lightly kissed his lips once more. "I love you too, Spencer. Always and forever."_

Spencer whined and pounded his fist on the counter. How could he have screwed up? She was so picture perfect, loving, everything he could ever _want_ in a woman, and she was it. He still loved her. The words he wished he could recant were the words spoken in the heat of the moment, the words that probably broke her heart the most.

Once said, you could never _ever_ take them away.

Someone knocked on the door, inciting his frustration at being interrupted in his thoughts. He ran over to the door and opened it to see Ms. Benson with a large chicken. His eyebrows rose as she gave him a friendly smile. "I was just making a big dinner when Freddie texted me and said that he and some friends were coming over here for dinner. I had already made supper, so I was thinking, if it wasn't too much, I could bring the dinner over here."

"You know what? Yeah, that'd be perfect Ms. Benson. I could use the help, we really don't have a lot of food available right now." He didn't like admitting that, it made him cringe with embarrassment just thinking about someone else thinking he couldn't handle things himself. It must not be a lie, though. He really was in trouble.

"Okay then. I still have to make some preparations, but it shouldn't take too long. I'll have dinner ready soon, okay?"

"Thank you." He let her enter the house and pressed his lips together. He slowly closed the door and felt a shallow, empty feeling inside of him. He never asked for help before, sure it felt good to ask for help and he was grateful, but the feeling that he couldn't do it himself was killing him. The grateful feeling that he had just looking at the chicken in Ms. Benson's hand was eating away at that empty void inside.

"Okay now do you have something that will let me put my glaze on the chicken?"

"Yeah, lower left hand drawer." He walked to the couch and froze as he heard the woman open the drawer, he had forgotten something very crucial, something that he had kept hidden from everyone. Something that was the cause for him joining the book club, to keep his mind off of how bad things had become. His eyes widened as she pulled out the utensils she needed, and then, a .38 caliber pistol.

"Spencer? What is this? You have a gun?"

"Uh, uh, in case we're ever robbed!" He dashed over and grabbed the gun from her, snatching it away with haste. She eyed him skeptically as he ran out onto the fire exit and, without thinking, threw the gun over the railing and towards the ground. He never needed that anymore, he wasn't that bad off.

He gripped the rails and stared at the ground as the gun sounded off and broke on the ground far below. His knuckles started to become white as the wind blew through his hair. Carly didn't know the real truth, that their father hadn't just cut off his payments only three months, it had been a year. Just a few months after the break up with Sasha. He'd been so depressed that he'd gone into the studio when the girls were finishing up iCarly and he waited until they were gone. Freddie actually _forgot_ to turn off the recording and Spencer begun talking to himself about how he quit law school, how he lost Sasha because of his art. He got called by his father just days after that.

Yes, there were $10,000 in unpaid bills currently, but there had been more. Those were paid off on a one time basis by his friend, Socko.

_It had been several months after they broke up, he'd lost his will to produce art and clients stopped coming around. The words he told her, the look on her beautiful, angelic face as she ran out that door, they ate away at him. Carly wouldn't understand, nobody would, so he wouldn't tell her. No, he wouldn't tell anybody, except maybe Socko. Yes, only Socko would know how he fucked up the best thing he ever had going for him._

_He was sitting on his couch, holding his arm over his right knee and dangling the gun he purchased from a nearby gun shop. His eyes were staring at the cold steel and tears were dripping down his cheeks. Carly was at school with Sam and Freddie, they wouldn't be home for hours. He had nothing to do, he didn't have anything to do for years so long._

_Life had fucked him over in so many ways. He didn't have a girlfriend anymore, he was piling high in unpaid bills and loans, and he was sure he'd be going into debt soon enough. What could be done? Was there anything at all that could lift him from this muck? No, he didn't think so. He'd hit rock bottom for the first time, and those rocks were as sharp as spikes penetrating into him._

_"She'll never come back, Dad will never understand my reasoning, I've lost it all. Carly must be ashamed to have a fuck up as a brother. Granddad…" He choked up a sob as he lifted a shaky hand. Guns are not toys, he was told this all through growing up. He hated guns, hated them with a passion, but maybe this was his only salvation. "Yes Granddad will take care of her…"_

_He closed his eyes and pushed the gun into his lips, ignoring a thumping sound coming from the hallway. He couldn't be sure what it was, but was certain it wasn't important. The sweat rolled down his neck and his hands shook as he moved his finger to the trigger. Just before pressing he pulled the gun from his mouth and took a deep breath._

_"Oh god! No…No I have to…It's the only way out." His eyes stared at the gun as he cocked it back and swallowed hard. The veins pulsed in his neck as his temples protruded and creases formed in his forehead. "Carly, I'm sorry." He took another deep breath and quickly pushed the gun into his mouth as the door slammed open._

_"Spencer?" Suddenly, before he could reach the trigger, two strong hands reached forward and pulled his hands back. Spencer whimpered as the hand continued to hold his wrist and the other yanked the gun. They were his buddy, Socko's hands. Socko was the same age as him and shared a similar build, had brown spiked hair and a sharp face. Spencer clenched his eyes shut and started sobbing as a feeling of hopelessness shot through him. His attempt failed, why did even that fail? He felt Socko wrap his arms around him in a brotherly hold, letting him shake forward. "It's okay Spencer. You don't need that…you don't need that man…"_

_He stared at the gun and continued to tremble. He shook his head. "Socko, I've failed…I've ruined everything. I can't pay my bills, Socko, I lost the one woman I've ever truly loved, I can't take care of my little sister, and my dad thinks I'm a total fuck up."_

_"Spencer, get a hold of yourself…If you do this, do you think it will really solve anything? You'll still leave the money behind for everyone else to pay, you'll leave Carly and everyone else in a depression, and as for Sasha…do you think she really wants you _dead_? She loved you, Spencer! She fucking loved you!"_

_"And I screwed it up!"_

_"So you made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. So you lied to your dad, of course he would stop paying your expenses. There's _nothing_ worth killing yourself over. Do you really want this?"_

_"I…I don't know…"_

_"You have to think it through Spencer. If it's what you really want. If you think it won't affect Carly, your dad, Sasha, anybody else…If you think it's the only way out of your problems and there's absolutely nothing else to be done…then do it."_

_"W-What?" He watched Socko sit back and stare at him with a serious expression. He turned his fearful gaze to the gun which was now on the coffee table and started thinking about everyone and everything around him. It hurt, he would be causing them all of that pain._

_"If you're going to let your depression…get to you this badly…Then so be it. Do you really think you, or anyone else, would be better off?"_

_He reached his hand out, trembling with an agonized, painfully beating heart. He thought about Sasha, about the tears in her eyes on that fateful day. He caused them, he never wanted to cause them. If he did this, those tears would return. He knew they would, because even on that day, her eyes were so filled with love for him. His heart tore inside of him, bleeding out all the anger at himself. His chest tightened and his muscles started screaming. Those tears would be present in Carly's eyes too. Everybody's eyes._

_"Well Spencer?" He moved his eyes to Socko and whimpered quietly. He knew Socko wouldn't let him go through with it, there was no way he would let his best friend kill himself and break so many people. Socko's eyes betrayed him, revealing that soft sadness, but yet understanding of Spencer's pain. _

_"N-No, I-I can't do it…Socko, help me…" His heart broke and he moved his hands to his eyes, bawling like a little girl. He hated that, but there was no escaping it. "What's happened to me?"_

_"It's okay buddy." He felt a hand rub his back and slowly he took a breath. "I'm proud of you, you know."_

_"Why did you come?"_

_"I'm not sure…I know I wanted to help you pay off some of your bills, but other than that…Something just told me my best friend might need someone to talk to…You put up such a good act, nobody ever suspects you to have this much trouble, but it doesn't need to come to this…let me help you with your finances, just this once?"_

_"You know I hate asking for help…"_

_"I know, but you need it."_

Spencer winced as the emotions came flooding back to him, he had to ignore them. He vowed from that day to never touch a gun again. It was always there as a reminder, but a painful one at that. "Hey Spencer, you okay?" It was Freddie's voice. He lifted his eyebrows and turned around, smiling goofily.

"Hey Benson, how's it going?" He rubbed Freddie's hair, causing him to laugh and push his hand away. He always saw Freddie as a younger brother, someone to do things with that brothers often did together. "Carly's upstairs doing homework."

"Great, well come inside, there's some people you should meet…again."

"Oh?" He followed Freddie inside and froze in shock when he spotted Jonah and Valerie on the couch with Sam. He cleared his throat and pointed to them. "Wow, those two?"

"Yeah, they've changed a lot, Spence. Actually, Jonah's been my friends for years, so, yeah…Anyway, I guess I'll go get Carly from upstairs?"

"Yeah, she's in her bedroom doing her government homework."

"All right, thanks bro."

Spencer moved to the kitchen counter and leaned forward against it. He moved his eyes from the table with the roast chicken to the bills on his table. Was Carly right? Was he too proud to ask for help from his father? Was the only reason he left law school to spite his old man and his Granddad? Could everything be solved if he went back? Who knows, he couldn't tell.

His fingers slid on the counter as he moved his eyes to the bedroom. Every damn day, that bedroom was filled with the haunting, horrifying memory. He could just remember her voice as vividly as if she were standing before him.

_"Spencer, come on, we've talked about this baby." Sasha's eyes were filled with love, with concern, but also with pain. Spencer shook his head and crossed his arms over. "I'm not asking you to give up your art, you _know_ I would never do that. I'm just saying, it doesn't have to be law, it could be anything, but if you just have something that's bringing in more money…"_

_"No, I'm fine with my art, Sasha. It brings plenty of money, it can pay the bills, and it gives me enough money to take care of Carly and have some stuff left over." They were having a fight, these things were not irregular but they did hardly actually fight over things. In reality, fighting drew them closer, but he'd never been this adamant. Usually he let her win or eventually saw her side to the argument. "You know why I left Law school."_

_"Yeah, to spite your dad because he always wanted you to become a lawyer, but so what? Who _cares_ what your dad thinks right now? If it's a job, a way to bring in more money, you can still make your art and sell it as well."_

_"No I can't! If I'm a lawyer, then I'll never have any time for art!" Spencer sliced his hand through the air and stared at Sasha with narrow eyes, he was becoming way too annoyed and frustrated to really think clearly. "I'll always have to go to those boring old meetings, go to court constantly, I won't have any time for myself!"_

_"You don't know that. Many lawyers are capable of managing their time well enough for free time. I'm not saying you have to give up your whole life, I just…I'm trying to think of our future. If we have a future together, I want to be a stay at home mom and raise our kids, home school them. We can't do that with only the money you get on your art. I mean you've seen it, sometimes you only get at best $500 for one sculpture that takes one to two weeks for you to build. That's no life for a family, Spencer! That's no life for one to three kids, no life for that dream home we always talk about." He rolled his eyes and groaned frustratingly. He tore his gaze into her eyes and stomped his foot on the ground._

_"No! My word is final, I'm _not_ quitting with my art! It's the only thing in this world I care about right now, and if you can't see how important it is to me, then maybe we have no future!" Sasha gasped and Spencer immediately cringed. The moment those words fell out of his mouth, he felt like he'd just been socked in the gut. He didn't mean to say it like that._

_"Y-You…but you…you loved me…didn't you? Was that all a lie?" He looked into her wide eyes, they were starting to water, but they didn't hide the love she felt for him. They were filled with it, filled with pain as well. _

_"Sasha, I…"_

_"You'd choose your art? Over me? Over a family? What about all that we talked about…what about…You said you loved me, but now you…" She whimpered and turned her confused gaze to the floor._

_"I wouldn't choose my art over you, but no…I'm not giving up my art for anything. Not for dad, not for granddad, not for law school, not for…"_

_"Not for me either, then. You said it just now, you know. Art was the most important thing to you, more important than anything in this world. More important than I am…"_

_"Sasha, that's not true. It came out that way, but I didn't mean it that way."_

_"If you meant it any other way, then would you have said it differently? I love you, but…I guess, if you do love me…You'll call."_

_"Sasha." His heart was breaking and a chill was running down his spine. He'd never seen her like this. He'd never seen her so hurt before, but then, he'd never been so cold._

_"Until then…" No, don't say it, he was begging her. He knew the words that were coming after that. He had his ring in the drawer near the end table, he wanted to spend his _life_ with her. So what if he was just so one-minded that he couldn't see life with anything _but_ his art. Yet, when it all came down to it, was that really all that he required? _

_"Sasha, please. I just…I don't know what I meant…" He watched her chest rise deeply as she closed her eyes. Could she not bear looking at him? Would she break down and cry if she did? Would he hold her if she did? Yes he would._

_"No, I'm going to give you some time to think. I know this isn't the first time we've argued about your art, so if it's so important to you…I hope you have a good life with it." She choked out a sob and covered her mouth with her hand. "We're through, Spencer. If that's the way you feel, I…I just can't take feeling second best, and that's how you've made me feel for a while now, like I'm only second best to your art…"_

_"No, Sasha baby, that's not the case. Come on!"_

_"Goodbye…" It hit him like a slap and he froze. He watched, unmoving as she walked out of the room in tears. Move damn it, move! Go after her you fuckup! The words ran in his mind over and over again, even as she took one last, tearful look into his eyes. "I do love you, Spencer…" Her voice cracked and she quickly turned away from him. Say something you goof, say something! He mentally beat himself, but he couldn't even breathe. This was all too much for him!_

_As he heard the front door open and close, that was it. He knew it was over, she probably would never turn back for him. She probably would never wait for him. He let out the tiniest whimper and fell to his knees. He hadn't meant those words, he just wanted to know he was scared. He was afraid. His art meant so much to him, but not _nearly_ as much as she meant. _

_Minutes passed by and he stumbled into the living room. Sitting in the living room, rising up to the ceiling, was a sculpture that he'd been working on for the past four months that had taken up almost all of his time. It was for a client who didn't even care anymore. It caused so much drama with Sasha, created such a large rift between them. _

_His nostrils flared as he slowly grabbed a baseball bat from beside the front door. By now, Sasha probably hadn't even left the building. She'd probably get in a cab, go home, and would she care? Probably, but he didn't know. Tears drenched his cheeks as he let out a fierce, rage-filled yell, and started destroying the near finished sculpture piece by piece. If the client did care, it didn't matter. If he didn't make his money from this fucking sculpture, who gave a shit? _

_"I hate you!" Spencer's chest tightened and his muscles tensed with power as he slammed the bat through the strange pillar like sculpture. "I hate you!" He sucked in the air through his teeth as he ran for the bottle robot and slammed the bat into it, breaking off its arm and shattering one of the bottles. He shouted as glass fell to his leg and cut him. "I…" He fell to his knees and pounded the floor, weeping bitterly. "Hate…you…I...what have I done? What have I done?" He needed help, he needed something, but what could be done? "Oh God…Sasha! No-o…" She would be out of the complex by now, it was far too late to run after her, wasn't it? Far too late to call her, to tell her he was wrong, to tell her she was right and that he couldn't possibly live without her. Wasn't it?_

Words he could never take back. A tear left his eye and he quickly wiped it away before anyone could see. The bumbling, goofy, idiot brother. That was the image he portrayed and the image he wanted everyone to think of when they saw him. Not someone who was too prideful, not someone who screwed his life up so bad that he couldn't fix it without even asking for help.

Carly's words came to his mind in a flash, even Socko's words showed up for him. Help? Even the toughest politician asked for help when he needed it. He could imagine his sister trying to understand a bill and asking a fellow congressman for help. She would, if she had to, no matter how much of a politician she would become if she ever did take that route.

At the rate he was going, with these bills piling up, he wouldn't be able to even think of paying for Carly's senior year of school next year, much less _college_. They would have to move to a lesser neighborhood, a scary one at that. He hated to admit it, and everything inside of him burned with spitefulness, but he had absolutely no choice. Maybe he could never win Sasha back, maybe her coming to his arms was but a dream, but he had to think of Carly and not himself.

His eyes moved to the bottle robot and they fell to the busted bottle and missing arm. Where was his motivation to fix that thing? He closed his eyes and slowly picked up the red house phone. He dialed a number and turned his back to the others, allowing his pride to let a tear escape his eyes. At this rate, picturing himself in a tuxedo, sitting in front of a oak smelling desk and pine scented air with a beautifully polished, black office phone, was looking quite luxurious to him.

"Hello? Who is it?" He took a deep breath and pulled his wallet from his pocket. He opened it up and held it with one hand, smiling as he saw the photo in the center. It was of Sasha, blowing him a kiss. He could never get over how beautiful she was. Where was she today? "Hello? Anyone there?"

"Dad…its Spencer…"

"Spencer? What's going on?"

"I…I've made my decision. I'm going back to law school, but…" His stomach churned inside of him and the bile started burning his throat. He fought it down, straining inwardly with effort to remove his pride. He knew his father was waiting for these words, and he hated it, but again, there was no choice. "I have so many bills, Dad. You…You were right, I couldn't make a living off my art and now I have ten thousand in unpaid expenses that will be reported to the creditors if they remain unpaid. I've lost the only woman I've ever cared about, and my life…is in shambles. I can't even pay for another semester of law school because I fucked up so badly…"

"So. What do you need?"

His throat tightened and he fought back a whimper. Was he _really_ going to make him say it? The taste was bitter and foul to his tongue. He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath, relaxing his body before he said it. "Dad…Please. I need it, if anyone, yours…"

"Need what?" Spencer rolled his eyes and whimpered. For a second he thought he felt eyes on him. He looked back and saw everyone focused on his own thing, nobody was watching and nobody cared. He turned his attention back to the call and breathed out, he wasn't hesitating any longer. "It is okay to say it, Son. There's nothing wrong with it…"

"I know. Dad…I need help."

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><p>Hope you've enjoyed the chapter, it was difficult to write because of one his harder memories, the suicide attempt was difficult to write. Stay tuned<p> 


	8. Carly's Decision

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 8 (Carly's Decision)

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><p>Freddie opened Carly's bedroom door and saw her working in a feverish haste on her homework project. He was one of the people always proud to see how well she worked. "Carly, think you want to take a break? We're all here now." Carly stopped writing and turned around smiling at him.<p>

"Awesome! I just finished my homework anyway."

"What do you think you'll make?"

"Eh…100." He lifted his eyebrows and chuckled as he turned to head towards the stairs. Her confidence was in no way surprising. After all, she was the one who had been tutoring Sam to make better grades, and even _that_ was a success. "So, should I be concerned about the friends you guys brought over?"

He clicked his tongue and stopped at the front step. His nerves were beating at every end of his body. He actually expected her to react negatively when she saw Jonah, but it was only speculation. "That depends. You in a good mood or a bad one?" He moved his eyes to her as she walked up rubbing her hair in boredom. It was taking a lot of strength and courage to do this, but it had to be done. She might be pissed about him lying to her for all these years, or she might not care. "The person you're about to see has been my best friend since I was ten years old…well, just a little before that actually."

"Didn't know you had a close friend like that." He chuckled nervously and started to descend the stairs. There was a lot she didn't know regarding him, it was no shock. He especially didn't want to tell her when the whole mess happened, back then she might have told him to stop being friends with Jonah. She was definitely crazier in the past than she was presently. His eyes met with Jonah's and he pushed his hand tightly on the railing. When Carly stepped next to him, she froze. He could see the gears turning inside her head. "Jonah? You're kidding…"

"No, I'm not kidding. We've made friends with Valerie today, but Jonah and I have been friends for years." When he looked back to her, he was relieved that she didn't appear pissed off, rather just shocked. She had every right to be shocked. Jonah lifted his head up and stared at Carly. He and Freddie had a long talk about this very moment. Did he _want_ to be there? Not entirely, but he didn't care, and neither did Freddie. All Freddie wanted was for Carly to be accepting of his best friend, but if she wasn't, that was okay. He wasn't going to let her reaction base whether or not he was going to remain Jonah's friend.

He was pleasantly surprised when Carly, remaining somewhat calm, moved down the stairs and motioned for him to follow. "Okay, just give me a moment to process. There's a lot going on lately, and I've actually was kind of wanting to see what Jonah was up to these days."

"Really now?" He moved his gaze over to Jonah and saw his friend arch an eyebrow up. Jonah leaned against the armrest of the couch and propped his legs up on the coffee table. Sam, who was sitting in the middle of the couch, stood up and hurried over to Carly. Valerie did not move. Freddie could see she was the most anxious about seeing Carly, it had taken all of them to persuade her to come see her. Even when she said her boyfriend might come looking for her, at that point both Jonah and Sam told her not to worry about that guy and they'd deal with the situation if he did. It wasn't like the guy would know she was with Carly, anyway.

"Yeah. Sam, how come you didn't tell me you and Freddie were hanging with Jonah?" She hugged her friend and waited for a response. Sam stepped back and glanced over her shoulder briskly.

"I was told to not tell you that until they were ready."

"Okay." She cleared her throat and turned to Freddie with a diplomatic look in her eyes. At that, Jonah pushed off of the couch and made his way over to Freddie, resting his left elbow onto his friend's shoulder. "Freddie, why didn't you tell me that you and Jonah were best friends, had been, and were still friends? I don't see why this issue should have been avoided, do you? Especially if Sam already knew, why would you ask her to keep that from me? I mean, sure I don't need to know _every _little detail, but it's still nice to, you know, be involved in the circle of friends here and know that we can all trust each other. Am I right?

A pang of guilt struck him and he quickly moved his eyes to hers. She had a very valid point, but he did feel his point was valid as well. "When I first introduced Jonah to you girls, talked about him, you wanted me to hook him up with Sam. He was going through a lot of stress at that time, still is, but that's not for me to disclose."

"Understandable. Move along…" Freddie chuckled and slowly shook his head, he had to admire Carly for being in the political mindset whenever she was working on government assignments.

"Well that stress, and being young, caused him to do some things that he greatly regretted, but that's another story as well." Jonah cleared his throat and Freddie quickly moved on with his points before he gave away too much information. He watched Carly tap her finger on her arm and started trying to figure out a way to explain it all to her in a way she could understand. "Basically when he tried to kiss you, he wasn't in the right frame of mind, just got out of a big fight with his dad, and so he wasn't thinking. After that, you talked so negatively about him that I thought you expected me to never talk to the guy again, so…I never told you that he was my best friend because-"

"You thought I'd put you on the spot?" Her eyes revealed a pang of hurt that vanished within an instant. She always had been a very resilient person,.

"Exactly…" When she said it like that, it made his stomach empty out, gave him a feeling that he might have been an ass to assume Carly would have done as such. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly.

"Okay, first of all, yes…back then I _might_ have been upset if you were still hanging around with Jonah. I didn't know the specifics, and I still don't, but the fact that Sam seems to know and…isn't complaining, actually says a lot." Freddie's heart lifted up and he smiled as his eyes met Sam's, she responded with a smile and quickly tapped Carly's shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Freddie and Jonah are like brothers, they always have been."

"Okay, good to know. I mean, I can see that just by the way they're standing, very brotherly." Freddie laughed and Jonah lifted his hand up for a high five, in which Freddie met with eagerness. He heard Carly chuckle and quickly looked over to her. "So, maybe you can tell me about how you met? If you've told Sam, then you could probably tell me, unless that's like a…girlfriend boyfriend type thing."

"No, it's fine. We met when Jonah's little sister ran off and I was at the cemetery where my dad and…well…" Jonah gave him a brief nod of approval, so he continued on without worry of saying anything Jonah didn't want people knowing. "His mom, who passed away from Cancer when he was eight, was buried…"

"His mother?" She looked to Jonah and pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry, I know how painful that must be."

"It's fine, but thank you…" Jonah lifted his hand up and moved his eyes to the side, breathing out very slowly. Carly nodded and turned back to Freddie, motioning for him to continue on.

"Well, it was getting dark and Olivia, his sister, was just five at the time, so she was scared and didn't know how to get back home. I brought her home where mom gave her some warm clothes and some soup, I remember that very clearly." He laughed heartily and looked over to his mother, who was smiling at the memory. The woman had always treated Jonah and Olivia well, despite her seemingly insane ways. "Anyway, Jonah was out looking all over for Olivia, he even had his dad's cell-"

"Not that dad even noticed it missing," Jonah responded with a huff. "He didn't even realize Olivia was out of the house."

"Yeah…well we called that number, got a hold of Jonah and waited for him to come over. They stayed over for a while, went home, then Jonah found me at school the next day and we started hanging out ever since." Carly cooed and placed her hand to her chest, giving them both a smile of approval.

"That sounds like a great start of a great friendship! Now I understand, and I'm happy that you two are friends. I want to ask Jonah something, though…"

"Okay." His brows furrowed as Jonah straightened himself up nervously. What could she want to talk to Jonah about? Then again, there were likely several things that she might want to ask him after all this time, but that didn't mean he couldn't guess. She turned to Jonah and held her hands together at her waist.

"Jonah, after the whole wedgie bounce incident…which, I've probably beat myself a million times over for ever allowing it on the internet, among other things…" Her eyes flickered over to Valerie for a split second, then she promptly returned her gaze to Jonah. "How…how did people react to you? How did you deal with it, if you had any issues at all?" Freddie winced visibly and Sam moved to his side, taking his hand in hers. It was a comfort, to which he smiled and quickly kissed her cheek while he thought nobody was looking. Though Valerie had been watching and it was probable that she was seeing for the first time how a relationship should be like.

"Honestly, Carly? You want my honest answer?"

"Yes Jonah…"

This might end badly, but he was probably over-thinking things. He thought Carly would react horribly to seeing Jonah, and that didn't happen, so maybe Jonah wouldn't be too harsh. Then again, he knew his best friend well enough to know he had a very blunt streak to him. "Being on iCarly was, perhaps, the worst thing I have ever done in my life." Freddie swallowed and watched Carly's face, she seemed stricken, but at the same time, taking it in full stride. She may know as Freddie did that Jonah wasn't intending to be harsh, was not meaning to be cruel, but just simply stating his opinion of the matter.

"Okay, I can understand that."

"Aside from doing what I did to Sam, I had been reeling in guilt over that for so long, and I still do. When you aired all that info on iCarly, _every_ kid in that school turned against me. Already dealing with a shitty ass father, taking care of a little sister, and dealing with my own personal vices, I couldn't contain myself. Yeah, I felt like I deserved what I got for a whole year, but then it just started getting tedious, the name calling, the threats…Did you know I actually got threats against my _family?_ I've had someone actually tell me they were going to beat my _sister_, my little _sister_, Carly!"

"Wow…who would…"

"Not important." His eyes flicked over to Valerie and returned quickly, the anger was rising rapidly inside of him and he quickly pushed it down. Freddie knew who he was referring to, as did Sam, and that was why it was such a shock when Sam learned that Rodney was Valerie's boyfriend. Rodney made various threats to Jonah over the years, constantly attempted to fight him, but Jonah, always being the better man, just ignored him. "At that point, I started taking it into my own hands and letting them know I wasn't going to take the abuse any longer." Valerie lifted her eyes up to Jonah and raised her eyebrows, giving him a hopeful glance.

"You fought back? How?" Jonah looked at her and smiled slightly.

"I had to take back who I was, I couldn't let those kids derail me. Yeah it took me a bit of time to get my strength up, but once they realized I wasn't going to take it anymore, they backed down. Some still try, but for the most part, people leave me alone."

"Wow…"

Carly put a closed hand to her mouth and cleared her throat, making all eyes fall to her. Freddie could see a large amount of guilt in her eyes. It was worrisome, because he never saw her look so guilty before, not even when they had gone into the school system so many years ago and changed a grade to an A. "Jonah, I'm sorry that iCarly put you through all of that, I'm sorry you've had to endure so much pain, I really am…"

"It's not that bad…I mean, I dealt with it."

"Yes, but the fact of the matter is, you _shouldn't_ have dealt with it." Her head turned to Valerie and she breathed in sharply. "Neither should you have." Valerie pressed her lips firmly together as Carly walked over to her and sat next to her. "I was sent a text message before school was out saying that you were having some people from school chastising you for your actions years ago. I don't know what you've dealt with, and in all honesty, I'm sorry…"

"No, I should apologize…" Valerie breathed in the air and kept her gaze fixated on the coffee table in front of her. Freddie swallowed hard and started walking over with the other two, he was a bit nervous about what would happen next, as he really didn't know what was going on with Valerie now other than her basic family troubles. "Back then, I…I don't know what was wrong with me then." She closed her eyes and Carly moved her hand to hers, squeezing it gently. "I made a mistake, did a horrible thing, and I deserved everything I got because of it. I know I did. I'm constantly reminded of that. When that screen fell on me, it could have killed me. I think maybe…maybe it should have…"

"Valerie, no…"

"My mom and dad, they wanted to take me out of that school a year ago, but I told them I wanted to finish up there. Vanessa, my older sister, she always threatens to come home and beat up anybody that harasses me, but I don't want her to."

Freddie felt sick to his stomach, he never knew Valerie was still going through so much pain, and for what? A simple little mistake? A simple, desperate act to get a few friends? She didn't care about having a damn webshow, she just wanted friends to help her through a rough as hell time. He watched the tears come from Valerie's eyes and heard Sam gasp as those tears started to streak her makeup. Carly blinked and raised her eyebrow.

"Val, I didn't know you were wearing makeup. Didn't you hate makeup?" Valerie's eyes widened with horror and Freddie's entire body froze. He could feel his blood beginning to boil as Jonah and Sam exchanged worried looks. Under those streaks, the bruising of her face could be seen. Freddie's throat tightened and his hands clenched, who the _hell_ would have done that to Valerie? Wasn't she going through _enough_ already?

"I-I do hate makeup." Valerie wiped her eyes and quickly turned away. Sam ran over to her side and took her hand. "Sam, why is my makeup running?"

"Don't worry, it's fine, we'll just put some more on it okay?"

Carly took a deep breath and calmly looked away, it was not hard to see that there was something Valerie was hiding that she didn't want anyone to really know about. She could respect that. "Valerie, I want you to know that you don't deserve _any_ of that. You made a mistake, you've admitted that, and we all forgive you for it. As far as the other kids in the school are concerned, their opinions aren't important, as Jonah stated. However, seeing what's happened to you, to Jonah, maybe even Shane years ago, to everyone…iCarly's just had a negative impact no matter what."

Freddie lifted his eyebrow and felt a sinking sensation. Where was she going with this? Negative impact? The show had done some amount of good, it was fun. Sure there were bad things that happened, but didn't bad things come with _everything_? "Carly, what are you getting at?" He could see Sam was having the same worries he was. The tension of her body had increased and her breathing had become shallower. Carly closed her eyes and exhaled softly.

"The webshow's done no good, nothing about it is positive anymore. I've been thinking that…with as many lives that it's either ruined or almost ruined, then it's time to shut it down."

"What?" Suddenly everything seemed bleak. It all came crashing down around him and his legs started to go out. Sam's eyes were large while Jonah's and Valerie's were becoming slightly concerned. Sure, Jonah always stayed away from iCarly, but it had become such a big and vital thing that even he didn't think it should really end. "Carly, you can't be serious!"

"I am very serious." Her eyes flew open, ridden with guilt, and her facial features remained hard and stern.

"Carly, come on, there is some good in iCarly, you just have to see it beyond anything _bad_ that's happened."

"How can I, Freddie? How? Hm? Would you like to enlighten me on that subject, please?" She rose to her feet and stepped closer to Freddie. "Principal Franklin almost lost his job because of us, Ms. Briggs has been even _more_ hated since iCarly, forcing her into a _much_ earlier retirement. Sam blabbed on iCarly once about Mr. Howard making out with Ms. Briggs once, that caused Mr. Howard and his wife to divorce. Let me think of something else, shall we? Your mother gets those statements that she belongs in a mental house, Sam's mom gets the same basic hate mail, along with the _rest_ of her family, so I can imagine how they must all feel!"

He swallowed hard and took a step back as Carly's eyes became filled with such intensity, such rage, such anger and guilt, that he could hardly fathom any of it. "A television producer's lost his _job_ because of us. Our pranks on our former doorman would have cost _anyone_ to go insane, and his boss's just _happened _to be watching iCarly's last, most harmful prank on him yet, and so _he_ lost his job. Rent's gone up, people are having money issues, and there's a matter of Shane, who fell down the elevator shaft years ago…So, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that iCarly is a _curse_ to anyone involved with it!"

Just as Freddie was about to dispute that statement, along with everybody else in the room, his mother came in with a smile on her face. "Dinner's done, who wants chicken?" Carly growled huskily and looked over to Marissa. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. They would likely have to talk about this later, but she honestly doubted anyone could change her mind. iCarly was as good as dead to her, unless there were any good things that could possibly come out of it.

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><p>So Carly's made her decision in her mind, but <em>maybe<em> she can find some good achievable with iCarly. Only time will tell.


	9. A Sister's Concern

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter9(A Sister's Concern)<p>

Jonah sat with Valerie on the couch while Freddie, Sam, and Carly were upstairs talking. Dinner had been great, but it was also filled with confusing emotions. Spencer had run out in a hurry with a bunch of papers that looked like important personal documents. Ms. Benson had returned to her apartment, so there was really nobody downstairs. "Do you think Carly saw the bruises?" Valerie's voice was small and unsure. She knew it didn't seem that Carly was all that worried, maybe she was just being quiet to avoid a stir. Jonah shrugged his shoulders and stared ahead at the wall.

"I wouldn't put too much worry on whether she saw or not. She's probably not going to judge you if she did." Valerie looked towards the ground and buckled her knees together. Jonah looked to her and gave her a kind smile as she lifted her head up.

"He says he hits me because he cares. He doesn't care, does he?"

"A man should never hit a beautiful woman, and that's the truth." He meant the sentence, whether it was appropriate or not. Her eyes brightened and her cheeks flashed with a hint of pink. She hadn't felt beautiful in a long time, there was no way he could have meant that. Her phone buzzed and she moved her eyes to her pocket, she was afraid to see who was calling her, but could she really avoid him? Jonah moved his arms onto the top of the back of the couch and turned his head to her, raising his eyebrow as Rihanna's 'Man Down' sounded as the ringtone. He smirked slightly and tilted his head, maybe still had some fight in her. Though in her eyes, he could see the fight almost completely gone. "Now what does your family think about that ringtone?"

"Huh?" Her head flew up as the ringtone kept ringing. She chuckled nervously and moved her eyes to the phone. "It's _his_ ringtone, not my primary one. It's just how I know he's calling…"

"I see. You're going to answer it?"

"I have to…he'll hurt me if I don't…I don't have the strength to not answer."

"It's quite easy, and if he doesn't assume you just missed the call, it's his fault."

"Easy?" Her eyes flashed with suspicion and skepticism as Jonah reached over and gently took the phone from her. "W-What are you going to do?" He lifted the phone up and pointed to the phone with a wide grin on his face. Her eyebrows rose and her heart started jumping erratically as she watched his finger click the ignore button. Her eyes widened and fear flooded her. "What did you do?"

"An abuser will forget. Yes, he may rage, but you know what? He'll either blow some steam off on his own if he can't find you, and as your official friend, I'm going to keep him from finding you for the next few hours."

"How do you intend to do that?"

"Quite easily." Jonah rose to his feet and extended his hand, a peculiar gleam shone in his eyes. "I have to take Olivia to her soccer game and you're coming with me."

"Rodney will get pissed if he finds out that I made plans with a friend and didn't tell him…"

"Believe me, Rodney won't do shit to you with me around. Keep close to your family and don't be alone with him, he won't do a thing."

"Really? I mean…Is that possible?"

"Better to go through this before you live with the abuser than after, because when you live with them…they can do a lot more to you." Valerie swallowed and stared at Jonah's hand, his palm faced up and she slowly lifted her hand. It trembled and froze as Rodney called again. Was she to go with Jonah and take Olivia to soccer? Was she to cheer on his little sister, or was she to respond to Rodney? "Can I make the decision easier on you?" Her eyes met his strong, passionate and confident eyes. For some reason, they spoke to her. For some reason, they filled her with certainty. "Watch this. You're going to 'leave' your phone." She raised her eyebrow as he put the phone on silent so it would no longer sound out when Rodney called "Which one of your sisters is the most capable of stringing tall tales?"

"Veronica…what are you planning?"

"Trust me, Valerie?" She swallowed hard and placed her hand in his, she loved hanging with Olivia. The girl was so sweet, just like her two youngest sisters, so she wanted to cheer her on for her soccer game. Olivia even said she was going to make those cookies and share them with her team, as well as the entire opposing team. Jonah turned his head to the stairs and saw Freddie walking down the steps, eyeing them curiously. "Hey Freddie we're heading to Olivia's soccer game, think you'd care to join? I know you said Sam's going to hang with Carly a bit, so it's either the girls or soccer."

"Yeah, I'm all for soccer…"

"Good, we're making a pit stop along the way."

"Huh?"

Jonah sped quickly to her house, knowing it was a matter of time before Rodney got so pissed off that he started hunting Valerie down. He couldn't let this happen. He parked down the street a bit, so if Rodney by any chance _did _go to her house, he wouldn't see Jonah's car.

Valerie saw Veronica in the front yard, sitting in a large lawn chair while Vixen and Victoria spun in circles, laughing and playing. She smiled slightly and wiped her eyes. Years ago, she'd be the one laughing with her. Jonah turned to Freddie and stared directly into his eyes, a look so serious that Freddie knew his friend was deadly serious about whatever he was about to say.

"Freddie, stay right here and keep your eye out, if you see Rodney, watch him closely and do not move. Got that?" He waited for Freddie to nod before turning to Valerie and giving her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, this is foolproof."

"Okay…I believe you."

With that, he hopped out of the car and hurried over to where the sisters were. Vixen and Victoria stopped dancing and watched as he moved over to Veronica, who was reading a magazine through black shades. Veronica looked up at him and lifted her sunglasses up. "Hello? Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I'm a friend of Valerie's. My name is Jonah. We need you to do something for us, okay?" Veronica raised her eyebrow as Jonah handed her Valerie's phone. He wasn't sure if Veronica would think him suspicious for even being there and taking her somewhere when she had a boyfriend, but if she was, so be it. He gave Veronica a very trusting look, making sure she knew he was to be trusted. "Believe me when I say Valerie and I are only friends, okay?"

"So you're _not_ her boyfriend?"

"No."

"Oh okay, she never talks about her boyfriend anyway. Mom and Dad seem a bit skeptical about him…"

"And they should be…" He muttered the words and Veronica gazed at him, confused.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just…there are certain things that your sister doesn't want anyone to know right now. Maybe she'll talk about it in the future, maybe not, but until then, please don't press her." Suddenly Valerie's phone rang again and Veronica quickly grabbed it, raising her eyebrows curiously as she clicked off the silent button and heard the ringtone.

"Really now? Okay…what do you want me to do?"

"Tell him you've had the phone all day, that Valerie lent it to you or something." She looked up at him and winked, smirking slightly. He could see the gears already turning in her mind.

"Got it." She clicked the answer button and put the phone to hear ear, flipping the speaker on as well. "Hello?"

"Valerie, where the _fuck_ have you been? Why haven't you been answering my calls?" Jonah flinched and clenched his fists angrily while Valerie's two younger sisters stared with wide eyes. Veronica narrowed her eyes and snapped her shades back over her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Her voice rose in a sudden snap, jarring Jonah from his own thoughts of wanting to kill this man and shocking him into silence. "You did _not_ just talk to me like that! Who the hell do you think you are, Mr. Big and Tough? This is Valerie's sister, thank you very much!"

"What? Oh shi…her _sister_? Which one? Why do you have her phone?" Veronica rose to her feet and growled with irritation, never before had she felt so insulted by a man. Now she wasn't a thing like Vanessa, Vanessa would have done more than just bite the guy's head off, she wouldn't _stand_ for this behavior.

"I don't know if Valerie lets you talk to her that way or not, but I'm going to tell you right now, you're not talking to _me_ in that way!"

"She doesn't, actually. You have a very strong sister."

"I better! She's the kindest, most caring and generous woman in the world and you know what? She deserves respect, and if you're really her boyfriend and really care about her, you're going to give it to her!" Jonah's heart lifted with pride as he watched Veronica snap her fingers in the air. With sisters like these, who could possibly go wrong? "You want to know how caring she is? My phone died today and I was waiting on a _very_ important call from dad, who's been at work all day, and so Valerie gave me her phone after calling Dad and letting him know what was going on!"

"Okay okay, I'm sorry I snapped, Jesus. Any idea where Valerie is? I really need to talk to her…"

"_Hell _no, you wanna know what? You want to talk to Valerie you're going to _earn_ the right to talk to her!"

"Huh?" Jonah put his hand to his mouth to avoid laughing, he could hear the sweat in Rodney's voice. This man couldn't do a thing to Valerie's sister, and he knew it. The mind of an abuser was a funny thing, he remembered this from studying the mind of an abuser in a psychology class just a year ago. He was doing a class project and the teacher gave him the assignment to compile a presentation on the abusive male. They desired control of their mate and usually used affection, then they used the fear. Any of Valerie's sisters or her parents were immune to Rodney simply for the fact that they didn't know him nor did they care about him. Doing anything to them would result in a lawsuit or an arrest, and if he were smart, he would realize this.

"I don't know where Valerie is right now, but I'm going to be holding onto this phone for the rest of the night whether she wants me to or not! Do you know what that means? I'm sorry, that means I'm not allowing you the right to talk to Valerie. See, talking to my sister isn't a right, just because she's your girlfriend, it's a _privilege!_ If you're her boyfriend, you're going to learn to respect my sister! Uh huh, that's right, that's what I said, so put that in your shoe and _beat it!_ You don't get Valerie tonight, _we_ get her! Goodbye!"

"Come on, please? It's only for a-"

"I said goodbye! If you call again tonight or attempt anything, I will tell Dad, and you know what? You don't _want_ me to tell dad. Daddy's on to you, sucker, and he's _very_ protective of his girls, so you don't want him to know that you talk to Valerie that way. If he does, your head's coming on a platter. That would actually be _fun_ to see, so go ahead…Make. My. _Day!_" She clicked the phone off, blew out some air, and pushed it into her pocket. She lifted her eyes up to Jonah and rolled her head to the side. "Where's my sister? I want to see her and make sure you're not going out with her while she has a boyfriend."

"I'm not. Honest." Couldn't a guy and a girl be friends without feelings get in the way? He acknowledged it could be hard, but he was respectful of Valerie. Veronica met his eyes and poked his chest, making him stumble backwards from surprise.

"I think you like her. Do you?" He moved his eyes to the side and breathed out a nervous sigh. Emotions were a complicated thing. "It's not easy to have a guy and a girl be friends without there being some sort of feelings in the way."

"True, but rest assured. I am _not_ trying to date Valerie if she has a boyfriend, okay? I'm better than that…"

"Good, you're a good person. As for her boyfriend…what the hell is up with him? Let me see Valerie!"

"Okay, okay, just…follow me." Jonah began walking towards the car, rubbing the back of his neck gently as he entered. Freddie had his elbows on top of the head rests while Valerie was fiddling with her shirt. She looked up to Jonah and smiled when she saw him. "Hey Valerie, your sister is awesome."

"Yeah she is, what happened? I noticed her yelling in the phone."

"The minute she answered, your boyfriend started cussing her out, thinking she was you. She put a stop to that and said she wasn't letting him talk to you for the rest of the day."

"Oh…You didn't tell her about the, you know…"

"No, I'm a man of my word. Although, she is on her way over here." Valerie raised her eyebrow and heard a light rapping on her window, causing her to jump and clutch the seatbelt in fear. "Val? Val, it's okay, it's just Veronica." She stared at the window and her eyes met her sister's as Jonah rolled down the window.

"Veronica…" Seeing a strange look in her sister's eyes that she'd never before seen, Veronica was filled with concern. What was going on with Valerie? "What's going on?"

"I was just checking on you, Val." Veronica breathed out slowly and spoke softly, her eyes filled with respect and love. "You know we all look up to you, you're our sister and we love you. Please don't keep anything from us, we would hate for something to happen…" Valerie moved her gaze to her lap and closed her eyes, trying her hardest to keep from tearing up. Why was it so easy to cry now? She never cried before Rodney ever happened! It was so frustrating for her.

"I'm sorry Veronica, I just…I don't want you guys to be worried or to get involved."

"No Valerie, you need to understand this, and I think Vanessa would say the same thing if you called her up right now…The fact that you're out sister, you're a part of this family, we're _already_ involved with each other. There's no going back, we're _family_, Valerie. Now, I don't know what's going on with your boyfriend, I don't know why he would talk to you the way he just talked to me, thinking I was you, but…if there is _ever_ anything going on. If he _ever_ lays a finger on you, I want you to tell us. Please, _please_ don't keep it from us, Sis."

Valerie remained silent as Veronica reached in and gave her a hug. She squeezed gently and stepped back from the car. "You have a good friend, he cares about you." Jonah's heart swelled and his cheeks started to turn red. He could feel Freddie's teasing eyes upon him. He slowly glared at Freddie and sighed as he spotted Freddie's smirk. "He is just a friend, right? There's nothing going on between you two while you're still dating this guy?"

"What? No, we're only friends, Veronica." No matter how much of a prick Rodney was, cheating on him with anyone wasn't right. Sure, she might have had a mild crush, if anything, on Jonah, but she wasn't ready to start thinking about those things even if she wasn't with Rodney.

"If you say so. Where are you guys going?"

"Grabbing his little sister and taking her to her soccer game. We're going to be running late soon, though…"

"Okay, then go and I'll take care of your boyfriend if he calls again. I'm really thinking about calling Vanessa though…letting her deal with Rodney." Valerie's eyes grew as she imagined the daunting thought of her older sister having a conversation with Rodney. There was no way in hell that he would come out of that alive because she would go in swinging.

"Yeah, don't bother Vanessa, please. Better yet, don't bother anyone…"

"Valerie…" Veronica pressed her lips together and examined Valerie's eyes. So much pain, so much hurt. Those eyes had once been filled with certainty of a calm future, filled with joy and happiness, filled with love and truth. A light that had been present in all of the sisters, it was diminished now. "What happened? Who took the light from your eyes, Valerie?" It broke her heart. This boyfriend, Valerie said he wanted her to move in with him after graduation. If this man was violent, there was no way she would let that happen. Telling Vanessa, telling Victor and Viola, it would be the right thing to do. Wouldn't it? "We love you sis, please…have fun today, okay? Don't let your problems with your boyfriend weigh on your mind. Please understand that we'll all be here waiting for you when you decide to talk to us…"

"Okay."

"By the way, Vanessa's visiting from college this weekend. Love you, sis." Valerie chuckled nervously as the window rolled up. She knew what that meant, if Vanessa noticed something off with her, she wouldn't be like Veronica, she would _make_ Valerie tell her what was going on. As Jonah started to drive off, Valerie looked at him with a smile, her savior of the day, so to speak.

"You have a good family, Valerie."

"Thank you, I love them all very much." She moved her eyes to the rearview mirror and felt her heart lift up with joy as Veronica, Victoria, and Vixen waved goodbye to her. As she tore her gaze from them, she eyed Jonah carefully. "So, how do you know so much about the mind of an abuser?"

"I had a school project a while back for psychology class. I had to study and give a presentation on the abusive male." Valerie nodded and leaned back in her seat. It was not long before they picked up Olivia and were on their way to the soccer game where hopefully they would have a good time without worrying about Rodney.

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><p>Veronica can be <em>pretty <em>feisty, and maybe even scary XD. Hopefulyy you've enjoyed the chapter, stick around for a soccer game next chapter!


	10. Soccer Game

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 10 (Soccer Game)<p>

Jonah turned into the parking lot at the city park's recreation center where Olivia would have her big game. There were eleven people to a team and Olivia was the best runner and kicker, the team's secret weapon. "Are you sure you're not going to feed the other team the cookies _before_ the big game, Olivia?" Jonah stated jokingly as the group exited the car. "You'll stuff them up so full that they won't be able to play, they'll be too busy dealing with how good those things are." Olivia raised her eyebrow as she held two containers of the treats. Altogether, she had about fifty cookies made. More than enough to feed both teams _and_still have some left over.

"We don't need the cookies to win, we just need skill."

"You know, you don't have to get all technical when your big bro's trying to joke."

"Oh I know. I just don't care. Don't take it personal, it's what little sisters do, annoy the living hell out of their big brothers." Valerie covered her smirk with her hand while Freddie couldn't contain his laugh. Jonah huffed and smiled as he closed his eyes and crossed his arms. Two could play at this game. After all, big brother knows _all_, including whatever little sister talks about in her sleep.

"Remember that I still know certain things that I can use against you."

"Like _what_? Name one thing?" He smirked and leaned in towards Valerie, whispering in her ear. Valerie's eyes lit up with a snicker as they danced over to Freddie. Olivia furrowed her brow and stomped her foot on the ground. "What are you telling her? I _demand_ to know right now, brother! Whatever it is, I'm sure it's hitting below the belt!" Jonah straightened up and crossed his arms over once more, still smirking victoriously. He knew he'd already won this battle, triumphing over his little sister once more, as a good older brother must do.

"Tell her, Valerie."

"Okay." Valerie leaned towards Olivia and whispered to her. "He says you still talk in your sleep, and…" Olivia's eyes widened and flew from Jonah to Freddie, then back to Jonah. "He knows you still have a crush on his best friend." Olivia gasped and hopped back as Jonah smacked his hands in the air with a rousing laugh. She pointed to him and narrowed her eyes, growling spitefully. Freddie raised a curious eyebrow and looked to Jonah for answers, but he knew he wouldn't get anything. This was just a playful banter between brother and sister.

"That's not fair Jonah! It's a low blow! Don't forget, I know how to kick a soccer ball and replace your head with it."

"I'd like to see you try, but considering we're running a bit late, it'll have to wait. Let's get in there." He pat his sister's back and started leading her inside. Valerie watched with her heart filling up inside her, she was impressed with how well Jonah was with Olivia. Freddie scratched the back of his head and stepped next to Valerie.

"Why do I feel like I just missed something? Anything I should worry about, Val?"

She pressed her lips together and grinned widely at him. "Mm-mm." He lowered his arm and watched as she ran off to catch up with Jonah and Olivia.

"Okay great, so there's nothing to worry about then…strange as hell…"

It took some time, but the trio found their seats in the third row of the left stands. Olivia was with her team, preparing for the game. Freddie sat in the middle while Jonah sat on the right of him and Valerie sat on the left. The seating was not selected that way, they just randomly sat down. Jonah actually preferred it that way, though. It felt more comfortable for him with Valerie on the other side of Freddie, but he wouldn't say that. He didn't want her to think that he felt something was wrong with her, because on the contrary, he didn't think there was a thing wrong with her. He saw the excitement and thrill on her face as she watched the field. Waiting for the players was always exciting and it constantly built up anticipation of the people watching. "Hey Valerie, have you ever been to a soccer game before, Valerie?"

"No I haven't, this is the first time."

"Oh, well you're going to enjoy this. Mind if I explain some of the basics? Olivia's been playing soccer since she was nine, so Freddie and I have usually been the ones taking her to the games. So if there's anything you don't understand, we'll know all about it."

"Okay." As they could see, the field was divided by one long stripe with a circle in the middle where the two teams should meet. On either end of the field were the goals. The home team, Olivia's team, were named Seattle Royals, they were located on the right side of the field. The opposing team, the California Radicals, were on the left.

"Now, some of the terms to help explain the position. You have Center of the field, which is basically as you see, the area between the two goals. This is where the 'center fullback', 'center midfielder', and 'center forward' play. Next, Middle of the field, the area that includes the halfway line." He pointed to the line and Valerie nodded, he could tell she was listening very well. It was nice to have this moment where she wasn't thinking about Rodney. Maybe a little bit of her would come out, just maybe, if she let it. "When the coaches say 'go to the middle' most of the time they really mean 'go to the center'. Make sense?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay, so next up is Attacking Third. This is the third of the field closest to the opposing goal. When the team attacks, you want the Forwards and the Midfielders to get the ball into the attacking third. Whenever the opponent is attacking your goal, everyone's probably going to be back trying to defend. Then there's Middle Third, the third of the field that includes the halfway line and the center circle. When attacking, the fullbacks will come into the middle third to the halfway line, or even inside the center cirle so they're in position to win 'cleared balls'. Still with me?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Next is Defensive Third, the third of the field that includes your goal. The Fullbacks will spend most of the time in the Defensive Third unless they're good enough to move forward. The Midfielders will probably drop back when you're under attack to help defend, but the Forwards shouldn't come out, because if they come out of the Defensive Third, there won't be anyone in position to win the ball when your Fullbacks or Midfielders 'clear' the ball."

Valerie was mildly confused, but she was beginning to understand. She didn't want to interrupt him though, she'd wait till he was done to ask questions.

"Now the positions and number of players…The players vary greatly by age and league, they can range from five per team to eleven. Olivia's team has eleven, as does the other side. You know about the goalkeeper I presume."

"Who doesn't?"She smirked lightly and straightened her back. "They're the ones who keep the ball from going into the goal.

"Pretty much. The Fullbacks, they're the ones who play closest to their own goal, their primary job is stopping the opponents from scoring, but to a degree, every player ought to be a defender when the opponent has the ball. Then the Midfielders, they play between the Fullbacks and the Forwards. They're often in the Middle Third of the field and there can be Offensive Midfielders who will play closer to the Forwards as well as Defensive Midfielders who play closer to the Fullbacks."

"So what I'm understanding so far is the Fullbacks are primarily defensive, then the Forwards must be offensive and so the Midfielders are right in between, basically they can be either defensive or offensive?"

"You're right on target there, Val." She beamed for joy as Jonah continued on with his explanation. "The Forwards, they're the ones who play closer to the opponent's goal. They're the primary scorers, Olivia is considered to be one of the Forwards on her team."

"Awesome!"

"Yeah, she's their best kicker and runner, so she's usually the best scorer. Sometimes she'll be put as a Midfielder, but for the most part, she's one of the three Forwards on the team. The other two positions in soccer aren't always used, but I think they are this time, I could be wrong. You have a Sweeper and you have a Stopper. The Sweeper will play behind the Fullbacks and the Stopper plays between the Fullbacks and Midfielders. They add additional layers of defenders and give you more defensive strength in the center of the field."

Freddie sipped his drink nonchalantly and watched as the players started coming out. Once he spotted Olivia, he cleared his throat and pointed. "Hey, there she is!" The audience cheered on the teams and Valerie quickly rose up.

"Go Olivia! Yeah!" Jonah felt his heart flutter as he continued to applaud. Valerie was such a free spirit when she was not worrying about Rodney, she was so loose, so relaxed. This was the side of her he wanted to get to know so badly. She inspired him. He chuckled and stood to his feet, shouting out his little sister's name along with Valerie, who looked at him with a bright smile and continued. Feeling a bit left out, Freddie stood up and joined the trio. Down on the field, Olivia looked to them while she was running and waved at them. The game was afoot.

Time passed and it was now getting to the final part of the game, both teams were tied at fifty points. The California Radicals were the Seattle Royals' toughest challenge yet, but they weren't giving in. The air was tense around Olivia as she stood face to face with her opponent. The sweat dripped down her neck as she threw her ponytail back over her shoulder and glared into the eyes of her opponent, this would be the last score, everything was riding on her. No big.

She heard her name being chanted from the stands, somehow Valerie and Jonah got the entire home audience rooting for her and the Seattle Royals, this was enough to boost morale. She closed her eyes and drowned out the sounds of the crowd, the sounds of the birds, the sounds of the players shuffling about. She pictured the ball in her mind and only the sound of a heartbeat.

_Focus on the ball, Olivia_, _the ball is a part of you. You _are_ the ball._

The game was on, her eyes flashed open and she quickly pulled the ball in with her foot, surprising the other player with her sudden movement. With a shout and a huff, she took off for the opposing goal. She narrowed her eyes into a fierce glare and positioned her fiery gaze upon the sweaty goalie. Her eyes remained fixated to the point that it became all about her, the ball, and getting past that goalie.

An opposing player charged her, with two surrounding him, thinking fast she looked to the nearest player on her team and kicked the ball to him. She then swirled around the three players and ran alongside the player, allowing him to kick the ball to her. During all of this, her eyes were still purely fixated upon that goalie.

As the clock counted down the ten seconds, she positioned herself in an appropriate spot to kick the ball. She let out a growl and swung her foot into the ball, sending it flying at high speed towards the goalie. The blocker let out a frightened yelp and dodged to the side, missing the ball. She threw her hands up as the scoreboard buzzed out the final score. All of her teammates ran towards her and lifted her up, cheering her name.

"Go Olivia!" Valerie screamed. "Yes! That's the way to do it! Yes! Whoo!" Jonah couldn't be prouder of his sister, now if only their deadbeat and withdrawn father were actually here to cheer her on. It could mean so much to her if her dad were there. Hell, it would show Jonah that the prick actually cared. Shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the thought, he turned his attention to Valerie. Her eyes were shining and her face was glowing, it seemed to him that she just didn't want this day to end.

After a while, Olivia was back with Jonah and the group, she held two empty Tupperware containers and was grinning. "They loved those cookies! They were delicious!" Valerie hurried over to Olivia and gave her a quick hug.

"You were great out there, Olivia! Good job!" The young girl's face started to turn red and her eyes drifted over to Jonah. He folded his arms over and watched his little sister glow. This moment meant so much to him and so much to her, there was no denying just how special having Valerie around was for Olivia when she never once had her own mother.

"Jonah, can we keep her with us? Please?" Jonah laughed and hugged his sister close.

"I don't think her mom and dad, or her sisters for that matter, would appreciate that very much. Would they, Valerie?" Valerie laughed at the thought of her parents and sisters faces as a fourteen year old girl took her away, they'd probably go insane without her!

"No, I don't think they would Olivia, I'm sorry." The girl pouted and quickly faced her older brother, pointing a finger at him and striking an order.

"Then you'd better bring her around more often, brother. If you don't, I'm not going to be happy, and you aren't going to like it when I'm not happy!" Jonah smirked and thought of a fast comeback to her statement, one that would defeat her.

"Hey Olivia, you do know that Freddie's got a girlfriend now, or at least working on it, so…"

"Shut up!" Her hands flew to her ears and she started shouting out. "I can't hear you! La, la, la, la, can't hear you!" Jonah lifted his eyebrows and put on a smug grin, once more, the older brother was triumphant.

"Boo ya."

"Wait," Freddie interrupted with a curious gesture. "What does my dating Sam have to do with-"

"Freddie." Jonah took one look at him and motioned his head to Olivia, reminding Freddie in a way of the girl's old crush on him. Freddie's lips formed a circle and he released a quick sigh.

"Oh. I see."

"Anyways Olivia, Valerie's a new friend, so you might see her often if she wants. All depends on her wanting to visit us." He looked to Valerie with question and she practically jumped at the opportunity.

"Of course! I'd love to come see you guys sometime!" She wasn't even thinking of Rodney, or the fact that he could get pissed if she started using her time for anything that didn't have to do with him. "I want to hang out with Sam too, I mean she and I kind of bonded and so I was hoping to spend more time with her."

"You'll get that chance, I'm sure she'd be more than happy to hang out with you."

"Do you really think so?" Jonah met her eyes and gave her a reassuring glance, he could see that insecurity trying to rise up again, but he was not going to let it. Today was a beautiful day, a perfect time, and there was _no way_ Rodney was going to screw it up. He looked to Freddie, who responded with a smile.

"I know Sam, and if she's started a friendship with you, there's absolutely no way she's going to back off from that. You're officially one of us now, Val. Do you know what that means? Jonah too." Jonah raised his eyebrow and slowly turned to Freddie, pondering what he was going on about now. Was he referring to being part of iCarly or just being a part of the inner circle of friends? "It means we're all best friends through thick and thin. Your troubles are our troubles and our troubles are yours, we rise above the top with the assistance of everyone else and we carry everyone to the top. Carly, Sam, myself, Spencer, Jonah, Olivia, now even you can be a part of it…once you're with us, you're stuck like glue." Valerie's face started to turn a deep shade of crimson as she imagined herself a part of the group. Would Rodney even allow her to have friends? He hardly allowed her to have much time other than family time and homework time.

"Yeah Val, as Freddie says." He lifted his hand and smacked Freddie hard on the back, he was rather irritated for being thrown in the same pot as Sam and Carly, not that he didn't like them, they were good people. Freddie coughed and stepped forward. "You're a part of the pack now."

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><p>So what did you think, a lighter chapter away from it all. In the next chapter you're going to dislike Rodney just a little more, and then just when you think you couldn't hate him any longer, he gets worse. Though props to Jonah, you'll see why if you stick around for the next chapter!<p> 


	11. A Father's Hidden Past

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 11 (A Father's Hidden Past)<p>

Jonah walked into his house with Olivia, who ran for the front couch. She started doing jumping jacks and other aerobics, still trying to work out all the sweat she built up over the game. He looked to his father's study and frowned as he set a bag from Arby's on the coffee table. He put his hand to his mouth and called out for his dad. "Hey pops, food's here! I got something from Arby's, come on!" He lowered his hand and scoffed. Why even bother? If the man's daughter's soccer game wasn't important enough for him, chances were food probably wouldn't even be important enough. "You can just starve, though, I'm sure it won't matter!"

"Jonah!" Olivia placed her hands onto her hips and stared at him with great disapproval. "That's not nice, be nice to daddy. I'm sure he has good reason for being the way he is." She hurried over to the study and grabbed the doorknob. Jonah sighed and shook his head. Olivia really took after their mother, practically a carbon copy. "Daddy, we're home!" They weren't supposed to go into the study under any circumstances. He held his hand out to stop her, but he knew when she was determined to do something, there was no stopping her. She pushed the door open and stopped. "Jonah, Daddy's not home."

"What? You're kidding me." He walked into the study and frowned as he eyed the room. He'd seen it several times, but only at a glance. He never really cared to see it. His father's brown pine desk was propped against a window, there was a large brown office chair and a black desk lamp seated next to a PC. He looked up at the ceiling and saw the fan off, which meant his dad had to be gone. "Now where's the prick at?" He narrowed his eyes and turned around to see Olivia looking towards the ground with a hardened expression on her face. It truly pained him to see her like this, always wanting a father when she never even had a mother, always wanting her father's greatest approval. He growled spitefully and walked past her, grabbing the phone from the end table next to the couch. He would find out where his father was and he would give him a stern talking to

"Is it too much to hope he went to see my game after all?"

"We'll see." He lifted up the phone and dialed his father's number. After it rang a few times, he took a deep breath and relaxed so the man could answer. The man's deep voice come over the phone. "Hello? Son? Is that you?"

"Yeah, who else would it be? Where are you, dad? Usually you're home."

"I'm on my way home, don't worry."

"Dad, listen-" The phone clicked off and Jonah moved it away from his ear, growling in frustration. He was going to tell his dad how Olivia made the winning kick at the game. "I guess you don't care, you old bastard." The doorbell rang and Jonah slowly put the phone back onto the receiver as Olivia slowly moved over to the door. When the person behind the door spoke, Jonah froze and his nerves spiked up, it was Rodney!

"Hey Jonah, I was just in the neighborhood." Jonah moved his eyes over to Rodney and his throat vibrated dangerously.

"Not _now_, Rodney. What the hell are you doing at my house?" He never associated with the guy, but the asshole had actually hung around his house years ago trying to spook him. "Better yet, what the fuck are you doing _in _my house?" Rodney smiled cheerfully and pat Olivia on the shoulder, she quickly grimaced and swat his hand away. Rodney lifted his hands up and took a step back as Olivia growled threateningly at him. She hated him for making her brother's life miserable after the whole wedgie bounce incident years ago, it was this guy who rallied up just about _everyone_ to torment or beat the crap out of Jonah. Not to mention, this guy that actually threatened _her_ at one point. Jonah folded his arms over and tensed his muscles up, preparing to beat the shit out of this guy if it came down to that. After all, he was _still_ reeling over the fact that it was _him_ who was abusing Valerie constantly.

"Whoa now, I haven't done anything, no need to get all fired up." Olivia pointed to the door and was about ready to throw him out of the house, but he wasn't prepared to leave. "I was bored, got done rolling a blunt and was wondering if perhaps you had any idea where my girlfriend was. I know you probably don't, you probably don't even know who she _is_, nor would you care, right?" Jonah shrugged nonchalantly and kept his eyes locked with Rodney. He could tell the punk didn't know anything, he was just going through the paranoia stages of his high. "I called her up and her sister actually told me off, told _me_ off."

"Yeah and why do I care? Again I ask, no, I'm telling you, to get _out_ of my house before I beat the shit out of you." Normally the guy was afraid of him and didn't want to get involved in any fights, but whenever he got a high off of drugs, that's when he started to get a bit cocky. "I'm dealing with something right now and I don't have time for you."

"Come on man, be a bro."

"I sure as hell am not _your_ bro."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Look man, I really need to see my girlfriend, I got to see her." He placed his hand on Jonah's wrist and pleaded with him. Big mistake. Jonah turned his eyes to Rodney's hand, then back to his gaze.

"I'll give you three seconds to remove your hand before I kick your ass. I know you don't want me doing that."

Rodney removed his hand and raised his eyebrow. He tilted his head to the side and hummed softly. "Are you threatening me?"

"No, I'm promising you." Then again, he was well aware that if Rodney was beaten up at all, even if it wasn't related to Valerie, she would be upset about him possibly getting into trouble for her. Not only that, Rodney could easily say Jonah attacked him, and what would Valerie think? He had to be the better man. He lowered his arms and sighed. "Never mind, as much as I would love to beat the shit out of you, I'm not going to. Just get the hell out of my house." Rodney raised his eyebrows and brushed his nose.

"You're _not_ going to fight me? Whoa, that's a big step for you, buddy." Rodney laughed violently and Jonah rolled his eyes, now he was almost certain the guy was going to start dishing out insults at him. "Anyway, I'll tell you why I came by."

"Oh why _ever_ did you come? Surely not to try and insult me?"

"I was informed that you, Mr. Toughest guy in school, are taking that CPR class in the Home Economics class." Jonah lifted his eyebrows up and Olivia quickly turned her eyes to the phone. "Which just so happens, that's the same class as my girlfriend." His eyes flew up and his body tightened as he heard someone approaching the house. They were not his father's slow, yet heavy footsteps, rather they were racy and had something dragging with them. "I thought I'd give you a little message. You know, the typical _stay the fuck away from my girlfriend or die_ message." Jonah remained with a stoic expression as Rodney laughed and waved his hands in the air. "Ooh, big bad boyfriend's coming after you." There was nothing he could do to him.

"Okay. Whatever…How about this? I'll do my own thing and you do yours. Again, I've got no time to worry about you." Jonah turned around and started to walk off, ignoring the man. Olivia scream sent a chill down his spine, freezing him. What the hell?

"Jonah!" He turned around and saw a kid dressed in black leather with piercings in his ears and nose, wearing metal bracelets, he was holding Olivia back and grinning widely. Jonah's eyes widened as panic struck his heart. Rodney's face darkened as another man dressed similarly walked in, swinging a metal chain in a circle. Olivia struggled to get free, but a third guy stepped in and helped to hold her still.

"Let go of her!" Jonah lunged for the two men holding Olivia and didn't see the fourth man that had come in through the window. The man was clenching a metal pipe in his hands. He swung the pipe and slammed it into Jonah's side, sending him crashing to the ground. "Fucking cowards!" Olivia screamed and cried out for her brother.

"Jonah! No! Stop it, you're hurting him!" Rodney laughed as the chainman whipped Jonah's back several times. "Please! Stop it! Stop hurting him, please!" Jonah clenched his teeth as Rodney stepped up to Jonah.

"That's kind of the point, brat." With a swift kick, Rodney sent Jonah rolling across the floor. He growled as he slammed into the wall, but nothing was more painful than Olivia's scream of terror. He needed to get to her and fast, he had to protect her. "How do you like it _now_? You're not so tough!" Suddenly Rodney's foot came crashing into his chest, jerking his body upwards a bit. He gasped for air and felt the man's hand on the back of his head, then suddenly he was shoved into the wall.

"Quit it please! God!"

"Don't worry, it's just a little _warning_, that's all. I only do it because I _care_." Jonah sucked in the air through his teeth and pushed himself up from the ground, staggering and glaring at Rodney. "I'm surprised you can even stand." Olivia cried out again, begging Jonah to not continue the fight. He wiped his mouth with his hand and became angry when he spotted a large amount of blood.

"You care, huh? Is that what you tell your girlfriend? That you _care_?"

"What? Fuck you, she's at least obedient." Jonah felt the chain wrap around his body and growled as the man tied it around his neck and wrists. Rodney smirked and dealt a decisive blow to Jonah's abdomen. He groaned and spat out blood, but he was still standing. Rodney bounced on his toes, swaying from side to side as he continued to punch Jonah in several places.

"K-Keep going, I'm not out yet you fucking bastard…" Not fighting back _sucked_ ass, but he already made it a choice that he was not going to do that.

"Where the hell do you get your damn endurance from?"

"Same place I get my ability to kick your ass when I choose to. That's the difference between you and I, Rodney. You'll beat just about anyone and anything if something doesn't go right, you don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself. I, on the other hand, don't beat anybody down unless it's absolutely necessary, usually self defense."

"So why aren't you beating me down now?" Jonah shrugged and Rodney slammed his fist into Jonah's abdomen once now. He grunted and opened his eyes slowly, his vision was blurry and he was close to losing consciousness. Olivia's sobs reached him and he felt a twang of guilt snap inside, he couldn't lose consciousness with her still being held hostage.

"Olivia. Think soccer…" Olivia's eyebrows rose from her tear-filled eyes and she looked to the two men holding her arms. She closed her eyes and pictured a soccer ball in her mind, she had one in her pack, but she wouldn't be able to get it out in time. She twisted her body, pulling her arms free of the men. They let out a shout and grabbed at her, but her movements were fluid and she drifted to the end table, grabbing the cordless phone.

She ran across the room with the men chasing after her, but they were not as well breathed as she was, nor were they as fast. She dialed the star-69 code and put the phone to her ear. A voice came on the phone, but it wasn't her father's, it was of a woman. "Hello? Your dad will be home soon, he just needs to drop me off-"

Not even thinking about the voice, she locked her jaw and screamed. "Daddy! Help, please!" Jonah yelled in pain as Rodney kicked him to the ground and started snapping his leg into his side. "There are some people in the house and they're hurting Jonah! I'm scared! He's not fighting back, they might kill him! Please, _please_ come home Daddy! We need you!" Finally one of the men got in front of her and caught her. She screamed and dropped the phone to the ground as the man shoved her against a wall. "No!" Jonah's eyes flew over to her and he started to push himself back up, having finally been freed from the chain. Only as he rose, Rodney kicked him again and sent him to the ground. His vision started to black out as two sounds came to his ears, Olivia's choked scream as the man put his hand around her throat, and a car screeching to a halt outside the house.

"Back off my children," Michael Brown said as he entered the house. His eyes were narrow and his heart was pounding with endless rage. Behind him, Marissa Benson rushed in with her first aid kit. Olivia looked over with wide, questionable eyes, recognizing Ms. Benson. Rodney and his goons looked over and laughed at the man. He raised his eyebrow and pushed his hands into his pockets. "Why laugh? You think the first aid kit here is just for my son?"

Underneath his closed brown sports jacket, brown tie and khaki colored dress pants, he appeared very thin and possibly frail. He had neatly groomed brown hair that went to his handsomely chiseled jaw. His nose was sharp as his eyes were piercing. He looked to his unconscious son and his heart broke. Jonah didn't look too rough for wear, but likely he was passed out more from the exhaustion rather than anything else. He narrowed his eyes and glared at Rodney with lethal conviction. He wasn't about to lose another family member, even if he seemed to be an absentee father to his children.

He undid his sports coat and handed it to Ms. Benson. His veins within his forehead began to pulse as vivid, blood filled memories came pouring into his head. "Marissa, could you hang this on the coat rack right over there?" She nodded and quickly put the coat onto the rack as Michael started undoing his tie and dress shirt. Rodney and his cronies watched quietly, wondering what was going to happen next. His eyes flew to the goon that was still holding Olivia by the neck, the man's grip was loose now so she could breathe. He narrowed his eyes and growled.

_"Help me!" A young boy shouted as he squirmed three feet off the ground with an armed soldier's hand around his neck, strangling him. _

Michael twitched and took a step forward, steaming. "You're first." The others looked back, then to Michael. The only thing they could see as he unbuttoned upwards were firm looking abs. As more of his body started to show, they began to sweat and grow concerned. "You see, when I was younger, and through all my life, neither of my children know this about me…Well first, a little history lesson for you kids."

_"Help me!" The memory flashed again, followed by several other flashbacks that taunted his brain. _

"Huh? What are you going on about old man?" His eyes flicked open and sank onto Rodney with spite and malice.

"In South East Asia, even today, along with India, which is where my family comes from. You see, I am one fourth Indian, not native American mind you, but _India,_ with my father being half and his father being full blooded. Yes, the men in my family had a taste for the American women that came down there. Anyway, these are just two countries in which children can either be sold or kidnapped into the slave trade, did you know this?"

"…"

"For instance, children 'carpet slaves' in India. They're kidnapped from their villages when they are as young as _five_, yes _five_ years old. About two hundred to three hundred _thousand_ of these children are held captive in locked rooms and forced to weave and whatnot for food. In India, along with other countries, this issue of slavery is exacerbated by a very rigid caste system." Rodney narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Don't use words I can't understand."

"Really? You're that stupid? Okay then…exacerbate means to make a problem worse, a caste system is something of a classification system. I'll let you try to figure that out." Rodney rolled his eyes as his goons started to become weary and bored. "These children are forced to sleep on the ground, living in a den or a small shed, no prospects, no pay. Most beaten with sticks, iron rods, branded with red hot irons, burnt with cigarettes, starved, whipped, beaten while hanging upside down, chained up…some even sexually abused. Many are locked in cupboards for days to an end. Sounds gruesome, doesn't it?"

_Several young children screamed as they watched a young girl have her back branded. "No!"_

He raised his eyebrow and watched Rodney gag, just imagining the torture. Hearing it was painful enough, but he could hardly imagine being whipped with iron rods or branded with irons, or even burnt with cigarettes. Then again, they just beat Jonah with a pipe and chains. "Okay old man, what are you getting to here?"

Michael started to remove his shirt and the men noticed what appeared to be toned muscles and firm chests. Though, they also noticed a couple faded scars, some long and narrow, some round and crisp, these scars surrounded his chest and some even went to his arms. Marissa's eyes widened as she stared at his muscular back, though it was not his muscles that she saw. "Michael, what is that?"

"What? My back?" He turned around to face her, showing off a large round scar from having been branded with some hot metal. "Don't worry too much about it…" He was truly self conscious about all the scarring on his body, but at this moment, he really could care less. He had told her about his past before, but this was the first time he ever removed his shirt around her. She could leave if she wanted to, right now, his children were first priority. He turned back to the kids and stared into Rodney's eyes. Olivia was staring at him with a wide, concerned gaze. "The children's parents never know what's happen, and if any become suspicious, well…too fucking bad, right?"

"Seriously?" Rodney felt the sweat drip down his neck and took a slight step back as Michael placed his hand upon his shoulder and started moving his arm in a circular fashion, exercising it.

"If you asked for your parents, you got beat. If you tried to escape, you got beat. If you talked out of turn, guess what? You got _beaten_. If you died, they wrap your bodies in these little bags, the bags tied with stones, and you're thrown, _splash_, into the river!" Rodney tugged at his collar as Michael cracked his neck to the side. "I'm sure you've figured out by now, a secret that I harbor. Would you like to know how I got out?"

_Inside a plastic bag, quickly filling with water, a boy struggled to hold his breath while trying to search for his hidden knife. _Michael rubbed his forehead and let out a small moan. When he opened his eyes to the thug holding Olivia, he saw the guard.

"Y-Yes sir…"

"Well." In the blink of an eye, Michael dashed across the room to the man holding his daughter. He narrowed his eyes and let out a shout as he slammed his fist into the man's neck and struck him unconscious. "I learned to fight, and it earned me quite the amount of beatings, but I learned to endure. I gained remarkable strength and continued fighting, topping out everyone else. Then, a fellow slave and I figured out a way out, we would fight each other…"

"Huh?"

"He was already dying, so he told me…they never check the bodies. We hid a knife within what little clothing I had, then we fought. My finishing blow was something like this."

_A man came at him with a whip, he screamed as the whip slammed down upon him several times. Where was his mother, his father, his brothers? _

Michael grabbed the chainman's chain and yanked him forward. He roared with anger and slammed the bottom of his palm upwards, striking the youth's nose and knocking him onto the ground. He struggled to push the violent memories of his childhood away, but the more they came, the worse they seemed to be. "I fell as well, pretended to be slain. That night, they put both of our bodies in those fucking bags, and you know what? I took that knife and I cut that bag right open. I swam for my life, finally reaching the surface, where I ran and didn't look back."

"W-What about your friend?"

"I think about him all the time."

_Two boys locked in a fight, his friend bloody and pleading. Tears rolled down his eyes as he brought his leg up. He wouldn't let his friend die in vain. The master warden grinned with pleasure._

Michael closed his eyes and walked over to the man with the metal pipe. He grabbed the pipe and swiftly moved behind the man, grabbing both ends with his hands and bringing the pipe to the man's throat."I'm not going to kill you, master. I'm just going to show you how it feels…"

"Rodney help!" The man begged. Rodney's eyes widened as Michael slammed his knee into the man's back, pushing him forward into the pipe, but withdrawing the pipe at just the right time to not kill the man.

"I don't know how old you all are, I know Rodney here must be eighteen by now. You guys…you look about twenty."

"Yeah, they're all nineteen to twenty two."

"Ah, full grown. So I won't feel guilty when I do this." Michael stretched his arm out and crashed it into the man's side. "That's what you did to my son, that's what I endured for ten fucking years…well, not even a fraction of what I endured."

"Sir, please don't." Rodney backed up as Michael started his fiery approach. His eyes remained deadly and his muscles tight. He cracked his neck to the side and stomped forward. "Don't hurt me, man!"

"What are you, afraid?" Michael grabbed Rodney's shirt and pulled him close, breathing hot, venomous air onto his face. His inferno burned into Rodney's retinas and reached every corner of the man's body. His violent flashbacks continued roaring through him as he glared at the boy, he was not seeing Rodney. He was seeing someone far different. This was the first time he'd let this happen in so long, it shamed him. He shook his head and growled, shaking the memories. "For some reason my son's taken a vow of non-violence towards you. If he would have fought in self defense, he wouldn't have been in this situation. I understand, though. He's like me, not like you…It's all self defense. I won't kill any of you, just put you out of commission. However you…I think you need a little more _fear_ put into you." He grabbed Rodney's throat and slammed him up against a wall. "Whatever reason Jonah has for not fighting back, it is not my reason. My reason _for_ fighting back is my children."

"I thought you didn't care about them…"

"Do I come across that way? Yes, but I have my reasons…they're not for you to know, though. Coward…Let me show you part of what I did to my master on the eve of my escape from that infernal prison." Michael clenched his fist tightly and Rodney swallowed hard.

"Wait, how old were you?"

"Fourteen when I got out. Did I ever find my parents? No. I'd search and search, but never will I find them. I stowed away on the first ship to America, got my Visa, became a citizen of the United States, and here we are."

He knew Olivia wasn't comprehending any of this, in her mind, she was already too afraid and too confused to comprehend. Most likely, she would not remember a thing. That was good, that was what he wanted. He did not want to burden his children with his past, he didn't want to be judged by them. He loved them, but he hid from them, watching over them from behind the scenes. When he lost Denise, he was hit hardest and he'd become so withdrawn that it became habitual to him. "P-Please sir, I b-beg of you, don't hurt me."

"Shut up. How else are you going to 'learn' your lesson?" Rodney's eyes widened as Michael slammed his fist into Rodney's abdomen. The man coughed up blood and was soon released. As his goons started rising up, Rodney called out to them. "Come on guys, let's get the fuck out of here!"

"Right boss!" They all ran from the door as Michael started to put his dress shirt back on, covering up his old and faded scars. Marissa watched in silence as he put his tie back on and returned his coat to his body.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Marissa…"

"It's okay…I didn't know you've gone through all of that…I'm so sorry Michael."

"It's okay…" He knelt beside Jonah and lifted him from the ground, cradling him as he carried him to the couch.

"Will he need a doctor?"

"No. He's my son, he'll heal fast. My family, we've always been able to endure. Sadly, my father was literally the pack mule, or beat mule, of the family. Jonah will need a couple bandages, but nothing that you couldn't fix right here…I'll check for internal bleeding, but I doubt he has any." He moved his eyes over to Olivia, who was staring at the wall with wide eyes and panting heavily. "Olivia? Are you okay?"

"Daddy…what just happened? They're gone, right?"

"Yes, they're all gone. It's safe now." With those words, she scrambled to her feet and ran over to Jonah's side while Michael checked him over multiple times. Olivia's face was red and stained with tears. "H-How is he?"

"He'll be fine. Once he wakes up, he'll be in a bit of pain, but there's nothing broken…no internal bleeding…he's alive and well. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure Rodney won't be coming around here for a while…" He lifted his hand up and groomed Olivia's hair back, running his fingers through her ponytail. She smiled lightly as her eyes met her father's and his heart swelled with pride. "Olivia. I'm so proud of you, of who you've become. You are so much like your mother, do you know that?"

"Really?"

"Yes. In every way. You were great at the game, congratulations." She gasped lightly as Michael and Marissa began going through all the first aid necessary on Jonah. Her being a nurse, plus his experience with all the wounds he'd ever suffered and endured through, helped remarkably for Jonah. "You know, in a way, it's appropriate for him to want to become a doctor."

* * *

><p>Tell me your thoughts, perhaps Michael's past was shocking for you. These things actually happen, I don't remember the site I did my research on...Child labor is a vicious thing which can leave everlasting scars. Maybe this is why Michael has always been distant from his children. Or, at least, Jonah.<p> 


	12. Rage and Hatred Mix

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 12 (When Hatred and Rage Mix)

The next day, Freddie waited patiently for Jonah to arrive to the classroom. They were supposed to get there _early_ to try and work on the dummy, but now it had been nearly five minutes _after_ the start of class. Valerie was at the desk, talking with Freddie, she was wondering if Jonah was all right too. He couldn't help but to be a bit irritated after having heard _nothing_ from him. "You're sure you've not even heard from him, Valerie?" She shook her head and his eyes flew back to the CPR mannequin. The doctors were waiting patiently, giving a couple extra minutes for Jonah to show before they marked him off for the day. They were very strict on punctuation. "If he's not here in a few minutes, then they're not going to be too happy with him. He doesn't need his grade marked down."

"They could mark his grade down for being late? You have to be kidding…this is just high school."

"Yeah, but it's for college credit, Val." Valerie's teacher cleared her throat, signaling her to come back. She quickly said goodbye to Freddie and ran off to her desk. Freddie folded the mannequin's chest over and adjusted some of the items stored inside. He moved his eyes up to the clock and clicked his tongue. _"Come on man, where the hell are you?"_ The door opened a few seconds later and Jonah came walking in, trying his best to cover up what looked like a limp. Freddie's eyebrows rose curiously as Jonah moved over and handed one of the doctors a slip from the nurse. He thought this was strange, as Jonah _never_ went to the nurse for anything. What could have happened to him over the night? His mom didn't actually come home until late, then she wouldn't say anything about what she'd been up to, which was suspicious enough.

"Sorry for being late, Dr. Stein, the nurse was told she needed to check me this morning to see if my body healed up." The doctor took the note and smiled at him, patting him on the shoulder and motioning him to his station.

"It's fine Mr. Brown, it will not count against you. Let's just get started shall we? "

"Thank you, sir." Jonah placed his hand onto his side and moved over to the desk. Freddie saw him glancing over at Valerie and straining himself just to stand erect whenever she looked over at him. He had a sickening feeling inside as he tried to imagine what could have happened to him. "Hey man, I didn't miss anything, I hope."

"No, you didn't. We were actually waiting on you. So, I know Spencer didn't go home till late last night because he was signing up for law school, the classes starting up in May…Mom wasn't home until late last night for a reason she won't tell me, and now you show up looking like you just got out of a war. What the hell happened?"

"I'm not too sure myself, Olivia says she doesn't remember much after I passed out. She just blacked out…" _Passed Out?_ Freddie felt a tremor inside of him as Jonah's eyes flicked over to Valerie. He smiled slightly and looked back to Jonah. "Rodney came over last night, Freddie." Everything stilled around him and his breathing became shallow. Rodney couldn't have possibly damaged Jonah, so what else took place? He was almost afraid to know. " He had a bunch of his drug buddies or something, they had weapons and whatnot…they beat the shit out of me." His eyes widened and his body began to tremble with rage. That fucking coward beat his best friend and Jonah didn't even fight, did he?

"What! Why didn't you fight back?"

"Oh I wanted to, you don't know how badly I wanted to, but it was Rodney. I wasn't going to beat him up and make Valerie feel like…never mind…" Freddie stared at Jonah skeptically and turned his head away. He clenched his teeth and felt his muscles tighten. He'd had about _enough_ of Rodney. "Either way…they left and I'm not too sure what happened after that. All I know was your mother was there for a good time of the night." He looked down at the mannequin in a daze, everything was spinning around him like crazy. What was his mother doing over there? Wasn't she supposed to have been out on a _date_? Why the hell would she be over with Jonah's dad, unless. His eyes shifted to the side and he glanced up with astonishment. Were their parents _dating_? If so, how long, and what did this mean for them? If they _were_ dating, then why didn't they let them in on it all? Maybe they were planning to and they just didn't, or maybe he was assuming way too much to begin with.

"My mother was supposedly on a date…"

"Then I don't know what she was doing with Dad, unless those two are dating. Which right now, I'm in a bit too much pain to process. Those assholes used a fucking metal pole and a chain against me, though Rodney did most of the punching." Freddie's blood was boiling, there were too many things going on at once. For his best friend to be hurt in such a way, by such a coward and in such a cowardly manner, _someone_ had to bleed.

Lunch break came and Freddie was nowhere to be found, he was _supposed_ to be eating with Sam by the lockers, they were all going to discuss the next iCarly while trying to convince Carly to not discontinue the show. By halfway through lunch, everyone was frantically searching for him. Nobody would have suspected him to be in the alley behind the school where Rodney usually hung out during this hour. It was as many said, revenge was a dish best served cold. He didn't want to kill Rodney. No, he wanted to punish the motherfucker.

He might not have said anything, but he had a feeling it was Rodney that inflicted those bruises on Valerie. For years he and Jonah had been dealing with the prick, not even knowing what he was doing to Valerie. "Hey Coward, what's up?" Rodney looked up from the corner of the alley, puffing on a cigarette. He had his hand on his stomach and his eyes were narrow. Freddie clenched his fists and took a step forward, perhaps he was being overly confident here. "You've worn my last nerve, shithole. That attack you and your little friends just had on my best friend? Yeah, you're going to pay dearly for it."

"Ooh, I'm so scared. What do you think you're going to be able to do to me, really?" Rodney's smirk was brimming with confidence as he walked towards Freddie. "You think you're so tough? I just took out the toughest person in school."

"Yeah right, with a chain, a pipe, and a few thugs here and there. You know damn well he could take you one on one, even three on one. So I'm going to teach you just how rough the two of us can be when pissed."

"Oh shut up and get out of my sight." Rodney lunged forward and threw his fist. Freddie quickly hit it away with his left arm and swung his right arm powerfully into Rodney's jaw. "Shit!" Rodney staggered backwards and Freddie kicked him square in the chest. He watched as the man stumbled backwards, gasping for air. "The fuck? That's impossible!"

"Not really, I go to a gym on a regular basis, have been for the last couple years. That, and I've taken weightlifting a while back. How else am I going to be a police officer? I'm going to show you what I'm going to do when I find that damn Shadow Hammer!"

"Shadow…what? Why do you care about that guy?" Freddie's expression remained stoic as he charged towards Rodney, bent down, grabbed him around the waist, then slammed him into the wall. The man let out a painful yell as Freddie straightened up, lifted his arm up horizontally, then slammed his elbow into the man's face. Freddie grabbed the man's jacket and slammed him twice in the wall, then held him firmly, glaring dangerously into his eyes. "Come on, _beg_ me. Beg me to quit like your girlfriend does!"

"Wha…" Rodney's eyes widened as Freddie roared and threw him across the pavement. "You don't even know who she is!"

"That doesn't matter. You're right, I _don't_ know who she is." To a point, it was true. The girl Valerie was when Rodney beat her, that wasn't who she was, that was her when she was scared, when she was frightened and timid. The Valerie he knew, the Valerie that she let surface during the soccer game, _that _was the real her. She was the free spirit, the gentle, kindhearted, passionate woman, much like Sam but not _as_ tough. That was still in her, but Rodney covered it up, hid it away, as did the rest of the school. It pissed him off to a great extent to see her snuffed out like that. "It doesn't feel very good, does it, Rodney? You think people don't see how you treat her? People notice. Everyone in school probably knows who your girlfriend is. Fuck it, I've heard them talking about her one time and how she came to school with a bruise on her face, while she said she fell, it was obvious to some that it wasn't a fall. You're not very careful, Rodney. One day the wrong person's going to catch wind of it and you'll be fucked. Now get up. I'm not doing this just for her, though. I'm doing this for Jonah and his little sister, who _you _attacked last night! Get up!" Rodney rested on his arms and knees, panting heavily as he looked up to Freddie. "Are you afraid, Rodney? If you are, you should be."

"Fuck you, Benson. You're nothing! You know that? Nothing! Just like your father! You're nothing and you'll never amount to anything! You know what? I'm glad he's dead, because I bet he'd hate to have a failure as a son!" With that, Freddie snapped. _Nobody_ talked about his father like that and got away with it. Rodney's eyes widened with fear as Freddie let out a rage filled cry and lunged for him. His hands flew over his head and he ducked down, trembling as Freddie's murderous shadow fell upon him.

"Freddie! Stop it!" Freddie roared as he felt two strong arms reach under his armpits and rise up, locking his arms in. His eyes remained locked onto Rodney and he struggled to get free.

"Let me at him! Nobody beats my best friend and insults my father to my face! I'm going to take him out, just like the fucking Hammer guy! Let me go, Jonah!"

"Freddie, quit it now!" A flash of golden locks came in front of him and a hand reached across his face. He let out a loud yelp as his head snapped to the left and his right cheek stung with incredible pain. Sam turned to Rodney and stared at him as he looked up. He sneered and rose to his feet, laughing maliciously at Freddie. Sam growled with frustration and grabbed his shirt, clenching it in her fist and glaring into his eyes.

"What about this? Ever have a girl stand up to you? Maybe kick your ass? Right now, I think it's very probable, because I'm _not_ in the mood for shenanigans. Get out of my sight." Rodney narrowed his eyes and Sam lifted her eyebrows up. "Oh you don't like that, do you tough guy? Makes you feel…what…inferior? That a _woman_ is ordering you around? Well too damn bad, you're going to have to get used to it. Now, I believe I _said_, get out of my sight!" Rodney nodded and took off down the alley and Sam returned to Freddie. "What the hell were you _thinking_, Freddie?"

"I…I don't know…" He looked down shamefully, knowing he fucked up. He knew he had to be better than that, he couldn't sink to Rodney's level. Sam placed her hands onto her hips and slowly shook her head. "I…He attacked Jonah and Olivia in their home last night and I confronted him for it…With everything going on, I just lost it. You have every right to hate me."

"I don't hate you…" She reached up and placed her hand to his cheek, making sure he looked into her eyes. His chest rose and fell, he was trying his hardest to calm his pounding heart. Never before had he felt such venom, such _hatred _for another human being. No. Not a human. A monster, just like the Hammer guy, a _monster, _that's who Rodney was. "I've never seen you like that before. Honestly, it kind of worries me, because I _know_ that isn't you, Freddie. I'm glad Valerie wasn't here to see that, do you know what that would do to her? What it would do to her to see _anyone_ beating Rodney up."

"I was doing it more for myself and Jonah, to be honest…"

"But she was a part of you indiscretion too. Freddie, that kind of rage…You can't have that. I know it hurts that your father is gone, that the shadow hammer killed him, but you can't spend your whole life angry at the world…I mean, I do that enough, so I kind of need you to be able to be here for me and let me be here for you. Can we do that?"

"Yeah, yeah we can…I'm sorry you saw me like that Sam, I lost it. I'm really not that person." His guilt was overwhelming, but the softness he saw in her eyes helped to soothe him. Yes he was wounded, yes he was scarred, and yes he was angry at the world like she was, but evidently she did refused to love him any less than she already did. "I can't promise I won't lose my cool like that again, but I will try my hardest _not_ to."

"Please, it's really important." His eyes softened and his lips curled upwards as he slowly lifted his hands up to her waist.

"When did you get to talk like that, huh?"

"Carly's been rubbing off on me a little."

"I see."

"Let's go inside and tell the others we found you. And Freddie? I think your dad would be happy about who you are now. You don't _have_ to seek revenge, you don't need to dwell upon all that hatred."

"I know, but it's hard not to."

"I understand." She gave him a quick peck and took his hand in hers. Freddie felt Jonah pat his shoulder as they walked back to the doors of the school. He felt better now that he was with his best friend and his girlfriend, perhaps with them he could calm down enough to forget about the nasty mess of the day.

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><p>A bit of a tense chapter, you have Freddie defending his friend and Rodney pissing him off. Well, what did you think of it all<p> 


	13. Discussing iCarly's Future

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N:"'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter13 (Discussing iCarly's Future)<p>

"Look Carly, I know I'd probably be the _last_ person to say this, but I don't think you should cancel iCarly." Jonah was sitting in Carly's apartment with Sam, Freddie, Carly, and Valerie, who'd managed to somehow get out of having a 'date' with her boyfriend. Jonah figured Rodney was too wounded and out of shape, thus too embarrassed, to let Valerie see him in such a weakened state. Sam was the one who told her to have the courage to tell Rodney she wanted to cancel, and miraculously, she _did_. It impressed him greatly when she'd been able to do that. By now, she figured everyone in the circle had found out. With all the crying she'd been doing lately, it was hard not to. Jonah constantly told her not to feel embarrassed, not to be ashamed, that abuse happened to many people and she wasn't alone.

Jonah was sitting on the right end of the couch, with his leg up on the coffee table while Freddie was on the left end and Valerie in the middle. She hadn't actually been alone with Rodney in the last couple of days, so her bruises were _definitely_ going away. However, she was almost certain new ones would replace them soon, but for now, she was going to enjoy no makeup and Jonah was going to have to try and ignore her beauty as well as he could. Sam was behind the couch, sitting up on the top and drinking a bottle of soda. Carly was standing in front of everyone, her arms crossed and eyebrow raised. "Jonah, while I admire that _you_ of all people think I should keep iCarly around, I see no reason to do that. I _know _I don't need to go over all the negative things that the webshow has caused people…and where the hell is Gibby, anyway?" Jonah shrugged and looked to the door, Gibby seemed to be MIA for a while now.

"Maybe the dude's dealing with his own stuff." He wasn't as much of iCarly as he used to be, they all could see that. Maybe he was growing out of it, or maybe it was as Carly thought, he didn't want to be brought down by iCarly's 'curse'. "I don't know, but right now we're focusing on here and now. You're the only one who wants to cancel iCarly. Everybody else is telling you _not_ to cancel. Surely you see how important it is to everybody. It's like…It brings people together."

"Jonah. It also ruins lives. It causes people to lose their jobs, causes people to hate people, causes fights, causes shitty things and secrets being revealed. Nevel can't even show his face anymore, that's _our_ fault! That insane girl got arrested because of _us_. People fought at a damn webicon thing, rather violently too, because of _us. _I'm not seeing the good of iCarly here anymore, all I see is misery after misery. What _good_ has it done anyone!" Jonah felt Freddie shift on the couch and heard Sam groan, as light as she was trying to be. Their pain could be felt. After all, was it not iCarly that brought them together? He looked over to Valerie as she moved forward, she seemed like she wanted to say something but was too afraid to speak. Jonah cleared his throat and smiled at her, he needed to let her know nobody was going to be upset with her if she spoke her opinion. He hated what Rodney did to her, practically turning her into a frightened little puppy. He'd get his just desserts soon enough, though. Valerie looked at him with nervous eyes while the others glanced to her.

"Valerie, if you have something to say, don't be afraid to say it. We're all friends here and no one's going to judge you for talking. _Everybody_ matters, Valerie." She bit her lip and turned her eyes to the side. So far he'd been right on everything else he said, plus she was beginning to trust him to the point that she actually valued his presence in her life. "Go ahead Val, don't be afraid to speak your mind. Besides, most human beings have clear minded, rational thinking minds. You won't be judged here. I promise." She looked from him to Sam, who merely smiled and nodded her agreement to what he had said. Carly tapped her foot lightly on the floor, she just wanted to hear _anybody's _opinion right now. Her mind was almost practically made up, so if anybody else had anything important or meaningful, hell, even inspirational, then she could definitely think about it. Valerie lifted her hand up to emphasize her point that she was about to make.

"Well aside from yes, the negativity, Jonah and the others are right. iCarly _has_ done good things for people. I know it's hard to see the good from the bad, especially when there is so much it seems like…I mean, personally, I have a lot of bad that it really _is_ hard to see the good. You guys, especially Jonah, really are helping me to see the good…" Jonah's heart lifted in his chest and her words danced around his head like sweet, sweet music. He couldn't believe she actually thought he was doing some good for her! He was impacting her in a positive way, and that was exactly what he had wanted to do all this time. "Carly, you miss the most important thing _ever_. Your webshow _helps_ people…Look at Sam and Freddie, they're the most recently helped!"

"Sam and…" She turned her eyes to them as they smiled back at her. Jonah smirked triumphantly and lifted his hand up for Valerie to give him a high five. She hesitated for a brief moment, almost fearing the hand, but she knew Jonah wouldn't hurt her and she realized it was just a high five, so she slapped his hand and laughed. Carly watched Sam lean forward and kiss Freddie on the lips. "So, you're saying iCarly…" Sam pushed herself from the couch and walked around it, stepping close to Carly.

"Carly, as often as you've told me not to be afraid of my feelings, as often as you've told me I don't need to be so insecure. So _afraid_ of everyone I let close to me to leaving me, I started realizing that the ones I did care about, who cared about me…they were still here. Like Valerie may be realizing now, I realized that I had friends, _true_ and loyal friends." She looked over to Valerie, who smiled cheerfully at her. "Friends that would never, _ever _leave me…As for Freddie…" She looked back to Freddie and pointed at him. Carly breathed in deeply and folded her arms over, pressing her lips together and pulling the corner back. "No matter how _hard_ I pushed, no matter how much, he…he didn't leave me. I know, I tried so hard to push him away. So much so that I started developing feelings for him, feelings that I was _sure_ were crazy. I was certain he'd hate me, certain he'd want to ruin me, certain he'd want to reject me. When that happened, who was the one that told me _not_ to be afraid? Who was the one who told me to embrace my feelings?"

"Me?"

"Exactly! Even more importantly, though…When you were sure I didn't believe you, what did you do?" Carly lowered her arms as Freddie and Jonah exchanged knowing, triumphant looks with each other. Jonah was positive Carly was getting it now. At least, that's what he hoped. "You started up iCarly. You asked people if they thought I was nuts, embarrassing at first, but still…it inspired Freddie to actually participate, and…well what happened might _never_ have happened if it had not been for iCarly. I want you to know that. No matter what you will say, I will always believe it was because of iCarly that I was able to get together with, well, as cheesy as it sounds, the man of my dreams."

"You're right, that is cheesy…but, if that's what you say…" Carly rubbed her chin as she looked to her friends. Sam moved over to the couch and sat on Freddie's lap, wrapping her arms gently around his neck. Freddie grinned brightly, never happier, and placed his arm around her waist. "Yeah, you guys do seem pretty content there. A little _too_ content, but who am I to judge? I suppose you're right, that's a really big thing…"

"Come on Carly, of course they're right." Carly's eyes shifted to Jonah as he closed his eyes and lifted the corner of his mouth into a slightly smug smile. "If you can use the power of iCarly to make those two get together, just _imagine_ the things you can do with iCarly!"

"Jonah, my point is I think iCarly's worn its welcome. I think it's become flat, negative, nothing more than something people view at and think 'wow, look how bad that turned out to be!' Do you still have scars left over from that wedgie bounce, Jonah? I bet you have internal ones."

"Everyone has internal shit, Carly." He rose to his feet and kept his eyes locked with hers. "You're dealing with guilt, Valerie's dealing with her stressors, Freddie's got his, Sam has hers, I'll bet even Spencer's got his. Nobody in this world is without something big and stressful." She tapped her chin and narrowed her eyes, it was still very difficult. After all, what good is iCarly now when all it is, is a sketch thing that people are growing out of. "If you say iCarly's worn its welcome thin, then maybe…just _maybe_, you should change it into something positive. Don't cancel it just because of a few negative things-"

"I have a whole _list_ of negative, Jonah." He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. She wasn't listening like she ought to be, this was an issue.

"So maybe you can turn them positive? What you can't, maybe you could use iCarly to do positive things. I don't know, I'm just speculating here. We're all trying to get you to see that iCarly is a _good_ thing."

"Well aside from helping Sam and Freddie get together, which yes you're right, is a _very_ big thing…I'm afraid I can't find a thing to use it for anymore. Also, while we're on the subject of _issues_, what's yours? I mean seriously, you say everyone has them…"

He raised an eyebrow and let out a small breath of air as he felt everyone's eyes upon him. He didn't want to spill out, but he may as well. "Well fine. I struggle with my father. He's practically never around, I don't think he even gives a shit about us. I've practically raised Olivia since mom died! It pisses me off, he should be a _father_."

"Haven't you ever talked to him about it?"

"No. I don't see a benefit to that. If he can't be a father, then screw it." He moved his eyes to the side and felt his stomach churn. He was spouting things that he did not fully believe in.

"Wouldn't you be willing to try and talk to him? I mean, maybe there's a reason he's so avoidant."

"I don't see any reason to avoid your son and daughter." He really didn't want to talk about this right now. Not now, not ever. He waved his hand in the air and took his seat. If he couldn't convince Carly not to cancel iCarly, then screw it, nobody would. "I was just thinking if you tried to do things to see the good, then you would be fine. I think you're dealing with pride here…"

"No, I'm dealing with growing up, Jonah."

"Whatever you want to call it, I still think it's a bad idea, and that's my two cents." The others nodded as Carly turned around, thinking heavily about what Jonah was talking about. If there really was any good in iCarly, maybe she could find it and perhaps then she could stop feeling so damned guilty about causing so much trouble. She moved her eyes to the side and smirked slowly. She was responsible for some of their troubles, the least she could do was pay them back somehow. Jonah, though, would never _willingly_ appear on iCarly again. Then again, maybe her very thought was just pure crazy. No one really could tell.

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><p>Not much to say in today's author note, though I did update a little late since I woke up later than I wanted to XD<p> 


	14. Making Contact

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 14 (Making Contact)

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><p>Sam typed carefully in the address bar of the browser on Carly's computer, she clicked enter and came up to a site called "The Slap". She turned her head away momentarily, then moved her eyes to the picture of Beck Oliver. On a separate window was a photo that had been scanned in of her father, a husky male with brown hair framing his face and sharp features, an older version of Beck. "It just can't be right…" Beck was actually older than she was, by at least a few months. She clicked on a photo album and started thumbing through all the pictures she could find of him. It was too uncanny, too strange, too weird. She wanted an explanation, but she would probably never get one. She picked up a small donut she had next to her and bit into it, leaning forward against the desk and frowning at the screen.<p>

"See, this is what she does every day." Sam jumped at Carly's voice and looked back to see Carly and Freddie watching her. She cleared her throat as Carly moved to the screen and pointed at the photo of Beck and of Sam's dad. "You see how alike they are? I've told Sam time and time again to send the picture to Beck and to ask, but she doesn't listen. Maybe she'll listen to you?"

"Quit talking about me in the third person, Carly…I'm right here." Her stomach flipped inside and she felt the bile slowly rising up inside of her as Freddie stepped next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "How is it possible? I mean, unless Beck's mother was either here in Seattle or Dad was in LA at the time of conception…and who cheated on who?" She knew her parents had been married at least four years _before_ her birth, so it was very likely that the dad cheated on her mom. "I would send him a message, but…I don't know…" She didn't want to be laughed at, she didn't want to be judged, and most definitely, she didn't want to be wrong. "What if…what if maybe…what if he looks more like his mom, and his dad is completely different? Like Valerie's Dad." Freddie raised his eyebrows and started going through the pictures until he found a picture of Beck with his father.

"Sam…I'd say the resemblance is too close…"

"Huh?" She took one glance and her entire world crashed to the ground. There he was, in full view, her father standing next to Beck with his arm around his shoulders. "I-I hadn't seen that one…" Freddie pressed his lips together and rubbed Sam's shoulder firmly. Why did she feel hungry all of a sudden, unless, that wasn't hunger? She had a very empty feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. She could feel the bile rushing to her throat. "So, dad's been there…all this time?" She clicked over to another photo of her father that she had on the computer, one with him next to Pam, holding one of his two twin babies in his hands, Sam. She leaned forward and grabbed her bangs, trying to fight the urge to cry.

"I think it may be time for you to initiate contact somehow." Her throat tightened as she pulled up Beck's email. She had his email since their trip to LA, they'd gotten the emails of the whole group. She felt Freddie's hand rub her back while Carly sat next to her and placed her hand on her arm. Her eyes moved to Carly and she was comforted by her friend's reassuring gaze. Tears dripped down her eyes as her fingers hovered over the keys, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"I don't think I can do this. I really don't…" This had gone on long enough, she knew that much. However, no matter how long it _had_ gone on, she wasn't sure if it was the pain or the fear keeping her from emailing him. What would even happen when she did? Would he react negatively? Would she be ignored? Would his girlfriend try to kill her for contacting him because she thought that she was being an obsessed freak over Beck? Probably not, but it was just another wild possibility.

"Well then move aside, if you will…" She raised her eyebrow at Freddie as he motioned her to stand from her chair. He smiled politely and she slowly rose up, uncertain about what would take place. She watched as he sat down, stretched his arms out, and rested his fingers on the keyboard. What the hell was he doing? Her eyes widened and her heart started beating rapidly. "Dictate. I will type down whatever it is you want to say, then I'll attach the pictures and we'll be on our way. Whatever happens after that, it's out of our hands. Up to him to decide whether he's going to pursue contact or just blatantly ignore you. Sound fair enough?"

"I…I guess so…" He smiled at her and tapped his fingers on the keyboard lightly. Sam took a shaky breath and tried hard to think of what to say, knowing the minute she spoke, Freddie would begin typing. "H-Hi, my name is Sam Puckett. We met at the party in LA. I don't know if you remember us, but you, Jade, and your teacher hung out with Carly's brother Spencer in the Jacuzzi. I'm the one who beat your friend Robbie in the rap. I don't want to come off too strong, I really don't know any way to say this really. I'm mystified, I don't know how, and I'd like to know the truth, but most of all…I want to get to know my family. You see-" She closed her hands and her throat locked up. Freddie looked at her with concern as her hand flew to her chest. She cleared her throat and clenched her eyes shut as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. She quickly brushed away the tear and breathed in as Carly gave her hand a friendly squeeze. "I have a twin sister and was born on Mom and Dad's fourth year of marriage. Dad left us when I was five years old, and we've never known where he was, and I've enclosed a picture of him in the email. Also, I'll give you my instant messenger in a little bit. I know you probably won't care, but, please…"

"…I think you're my brother." Beck ran his hand through his hair, shuddering silently as he read that sentence over and over again. The photo she'd attached to the email was of the family picture. There was no mistaking it, the man in that photo was indeed his father. He'd received the email about half an hour ago and he was unable to take his eyes off of it since. The door flew open and Jade rushed in, holding her phone tightly in her hand. He whimpered slightly as she hurried next to him.

"Beck are you okay? I got your emergency message…" Another whimpering moan left his lips. His heart was ripping in shreds and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to break down and cry or tear up his father limb from limb. She took a look at the photo on his computer and lifted her eyebrows. "What is your father doing with that woman and two babies?" He flipped over to the email and Jade ran her eyes along the email, slowly widening them as she glazed over each line. "Holy…what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He couldn't believe that for once _he_ was the anxious one. He thought he knew his father, but now he wasn't sure. "Was everything a lie, Jade?" He wanted to know more, he wanted to know the truth. "Dad will probably tell me it's nothing and I should just disregard it…" He ran his hand through his hair once more and sighed as Jade scanned the information line where Sam gave her instant messenger and so forth.

"Well you're not going to leave her hanging." She was right, he had to be strong here. If he had a younger sister, then he wanted to be able to talk to her. With an oddly steady hand, he highlighted her messenger info and copied it. He swallowed and added her as a contact. "Think you'll talk to your dad at all about this?"

"Eventually…right now it's just one step at a time."

Yeah, I understand that." His messenger buzzed and he quickly looked at it, seeing that Sam accepted is request. His emotions were already reaching the peak, his nerves were completely shot. A new window popped up, Sam initiated contact. She was requesting a video conference. He hesitated briefly and Jade nudged him. "Well? You're not leaving her hanging, answer the call!"

"I know…I'm just…" He shook his head and clicked the accept button. His webcam light flicked on and soon Sam's image appeared. While she looked more like her own mother, she had her father's eyes. Standing behind her were Freddie and Carly, to familiar people that he was grateful to see. He took a deep breath and studied Sam. "Hello there…"

"Hi." There was a bit of awkward silence when Beck could not think of a thing to say. After all, what _was_ there to say to someone who might be the sister you never knew you had. "So…I was born first, right?"

"Yeah. By a few months, I think…"

"Nice to know." This was going slower than he'd anticipated. Slower than he'd _wanted_ it to go. He was fishing the sky, trying to figure out what the hell to say or do. Somebody needed to throw him a fucking bone and soon. "You don't look too bad for someone who just found out she had an older brother…" He mentally slapped himself for saying that statement, what the hell was he thinking? This wasn't a time to joke! Though, Sam did smile and shrug her shoulders gently.

"Yeah, well, you're not looking too good right now. Did I catch you at a bad time? I'm sorry if I did…actually I probably just threw a wrench into someone's world just now, didn't I?"

"Kind of hard not to do that…" Oddly he was actually slowly entertaining the idea of being a big brother. He felt like he could be a brother.

"So…How is this possible? I mean, you're older than I am, you live in LA, but we have the same father. Plus, didn't it say somewhere on your profile that you were born in Canada?"

"Yep. Mom lived in Canada for a few years before moving to America. She even worked at Niagara Falls." Sam's eyebrows rose sharply and her face started to pale. Beck saw this and immediately began fumbling, wondering if he'd said something wrong. "What's wrong? I didn't say something bad did I? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's just…Before Dad left us, he and mom would take a week around their anniversary and go up to Niagara Falls. Mom once told me that when I was young, she had a fight with Dad about a waitress working there…"

"Mom was a waitress…Oh my god…When did he leave you guys?"

"I was five." Beck's heart sank and Jade visibly cringed. Now it was Sam who was getting worried. "What? What is it?" His mother died when he was just five years old, and the man he always knew as dad, he'd just assumed had always been there.

"I always assumed Dad had been here the whole time. Mom died when I was five years old. Sure I had a stepmom, but they divorced about a year ago. She wanted no part of dad and myself. I wonder why…"

"Will dad listen if you bring this up with him?"

"No, he's stubborn about that stuff. I once asked him why I didn't seem to get anything at all from my mother and he just told me to not look into it. I can't believe this is happening…it's so much like a dream…"

"I'd pinch you, but I kind of can't from here. Pity, maybe your girlfriend there can pinch you for me." She smirked and he felt himself lifted up emotionally as he started to chuckle. Maybe he could get used to this whole brother thing, but of course, he'd have to figure where the hell to begin.

"So, you're a twin, right?"

"Yeah, you should meet Melanie, she's nice. Although she hasn't been too happy with me lately…"

"Why is that?"

"She thinks I stole her crush. AKA Freddie." Beck raised his eyebrows and chuckled slightly as he turned his eyes to Freddie. He didn't seem all that bad at all, a knowledgeable guy that was likely capable of taking care of Sam in the ways she would need.

"Hey, Freddie my man, what's up?"

"Um, not much, just sitting here with Sam and helping her through a couple things."

"Hey, can I ask a personal question?" He didn't know why all of a sudden he felt the need to interview this guy, but he did, and he actually liked it. "What's your view on sex?" He heard snickering in the background and Freddie's face drained. Sam's cheeks became red as Freddie turned around and shouted for Jonah to stop snickering.

"I don't believe in sex before marriage. Why?"

"Okay that's fine." Beck grinned widely and Freddie's eyebrow arched up. Sam closed her eyes and in appropriate, sisterly fashion, she directed Jade.

"Jade, please hit Beck for me."

"Uh oh…" Beck's eyes widened as Jade smacked him upside the head. He threw his hand to his head and winced as his head started throbbing. "Hey, what was that for?"

"Embarrassing your sister," Jade replied nonchalantly. He rolled his eyes and looked to the door of his RV. He heard footsteps coming towards his house. His eyes widened and Jade glanced up as well, it was his dad. The door opened slowly and in trotted the man that he _thought_ he'd known all his life, and now he had nothing but spite for this man. Emitting a low growl, he minimized the screen so his father wouldn't be able to see Sam.

"Hey son, what are you doing?" Sam's eyes went wide as she heard the man's voice. It was her cue to remain silent, but that wouldn't be difficult to do. "Do you think you could mow the yard for me while I go pick up some groceries?" Beck steamed and Jade gently placed her hand upon his shoulder, hoping to calm him down.

"Easy Beck, easy…"

"I want answers, Dad." The man lifted his eyebrows up as Beck rose from his seat, growling softly. Ever since he'd been in the RV, he'd been taking care of himself. He had thought of emancipation once before when his father was married to that one psycho woman and he just couldn't take her, that's when he moved into the RV and his father begged him _not_ to apply for it, but now, that thought was back and there was nothing his father could do to prevent it. "Who the hell are you? If not a liar, a cheat, a swindler…" He had already applied for emancipation anyway when he decided that it was time to be on his own. His father had been acting strangely and had also been keeping a lot of things from him. Beck had become so stressed that he applied. Yes, it had been done on impulse, and yes he'd been thinking of recanting his application, but now it was over. Now that he'd discovered _this_, it was all over.

"What are you talking about? I am your father."

"Oh yeah, I won't deny that, now how about anyone else. Are you anyone _else's_ father?" The man chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Why would you be so concerned?" Now he was getting agitated, the man was dancing all around the subject and avoiding it. Why couldn't he just answer the question with the truth?

"Why are you so fucking afraid of the truth, dad?"

"Don't use that kind of language."

"Come on! Were you even here for the first five years of my life?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I was!"

"Liar! I have fifteen days to decide whether or not I'm cancelling that emancipation, so you'd better start learning to give me the truth."

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth! I just said that!" What was so hard to understand about the question? "You've been lying to me all your damned life about who you are and about the family you left in Washington."

"What _family_? There is no family you need to know about!" Like a ton of bricks slamming into him, he crashed under the weight. The air fled his body and his muscles started to become tense. What was there for him here now, a father that lied about everything and refused to tell the truth? He growled and shook his head.

"That's it, we're through. If you refuse to acknowledge _all_ of your children, then you refuse me and you are not my father. I'm sorry…I have nothing more to say to you." He sat down in his chair and stared blankly at his computer, he hoped his father would just leave. "I'll mow the lawn for you, but that's it." The man stared at his son and slowly started walking off, he felt defeated at best. Beck brought the messaging service up and saw Sam with tears in her eyes. "Sam…"

"Dad doesn't even care…"

"You shouldn't have seen or heard all that, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I should have expected it from him…" She wiped her eyes off and gave Beck a small smile. "I'm glad, though, to know I have a brother, I suppose." Neither of them had any idea what to do next, so they were just going to have to wing it.

"Good to know I have more family out there."

"Yeah. You don't even know the half of it."

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><p>Voila, Sam finally initiates contact with her relative, unfortunately their father decides to be a cheap bastard about it and avoid the subject. Pity.<p> 


	15. Spencer's Emotional Confession

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 15 (Spencer's Emotional Confession)<p>

Thursday afternoon, iCarly was actually happening. Spencer was interested in seeing what Carly had planned, as she didn't tell anybody what was going on. Rather, most thought she was going to cancel it today. He was actually suspecting her of making this her final webcast. She'd been doing a lot of planning for the webcast, which was odd. Yes it was normal for her to do some planning, but the amount she'd been doing was way too much. It was as if she were planning for every single movement, every step. Why was she being so precise, anyway? Or was it not just for this week?

Everyone was up in the studio, leaving him downstairs to his own devices. He managed to get a job at the Groovy Smoothie and was currently wearing his uniform as he'd just gotten off work. He was sitting on the couch with a bottle of pop and his legs spread out in a bored posture. He would be watching iCarly on the television, of course it hadn't started up yet.

He rolled his head back and sighed. His dad had successfully paid off all the bills that were due before they were reported to creditors and he managed to register and get back into Law School. Classes would begin in May. Despite all of this, he still had one big hole in his heart, something that was amiss. "I don't have Sasha…" He moaned in frustration and cried out for Carly to start the show already, he wanted to think of something, anything _other_ than Sasha. His prayers were answered when Carly and Sam popped up on the television. He leaned forward and waved his hand at the television. "Thank you!"

"I'm Carly and this is my best friend, Sam!" Sam lifted up the remote to create an applause sound, but Carly quickly grabbed it away from her. Sam looked at her with confusion as Carly smiled softly. "Trust me, we're doing something else today, guys."

"Please not another surprise, Carly."

"Oh it is. First, I need Spencer to get up here. Get up here Spencer!" Spencer raised his eyebrow and waved his hand dismissively. He had a sneaky suspicion she was going to pull some insane stunt, whatever that would be. "I promise you Spencer, I'm not going to do anything to you that will be _bad_. Nothing that you're not going to thank me for afterwards…I know you're watching this, so get up here or I'm going to tell all the viewers what your underwear says."

_"She's bluffing…"_ He chuckled nervously and looked down at his pants. _"She is bluffing, right? She wouldn't know what they say…"_

"You wear this specific pair every Thursday because of the day you met a certain person for the first time." His eyes widened and he quickly stood up, she wasn't bluffing! "I do believe they say…I love-" He screamed and leapt over the couch, then stumbled all the way to the steps in a frantic attempt to stop his sister before she spoke too much.

"I'm coming! Carly I'm coming up there! Don't say anything more, please! Okay? You win!"

"Music to my ears." She grinned widely as Spencer burst into the room and tripped over the electric cords. His arms flailed as he crashed into the ground behind Sam and Carly. He moaned and pushed himself up, brushing off the dirt on his clothes. He narrowed his eyes and stared at Carly. "Aw don't get all red in the face, Spencer."

"What do you need?"

"Hold on, I still have to give my intro speech stuff." He smacked his forehead as Carly turned full to the camera. She breathed in and slowly exhaled, preparing herself for the show. "Okay for those of you who don't know, I've been having some trouble lately with some troubling guilt issues. A lot of negative things have happened due to iCarly, and…well…I wanted to cancel it. A part of me still does, since I can't really find anything positive about it, but some of my friends have told me that iCarly was positive and I shouldn't cancel it. Well…I don't know what to do, but I do know there may be a few changes. I guess I'm going to see what happens, but first, I'm going to use iCarly to help people. First, I give you my brother Spencer." His heart pulsed once and stopped as his eyes widened. He turned his eyes to the camera and his hands began to shake.

"What?" He took a step back and let out a nervous chuckle as he eyed the door. "Let's not and say we did, all right?" As he made a break for it, she grabbed his shirt.

"Not so fast. This is for you, Spencer. This is for your happiness." He whined as she dragged him to the small black chair sitting in the center of the room. He stood with his posture straight and his brow tight. He hated this, he was scared, scared of what she was going to do and scared of what would happen. "What do you have to lose, Spencer? You don't have anything to lose by just talking." She took a step closer to the camera and folded her arms over, gazing seriously. "Spencer has been pining for someone and has been kicking himself for a mistake that cost him the greatest thing in his life." His eyes widened and pain struck his hart as he turned away and started walking off, nearly in tears.

"No, I-I can't. I don't want to remember…"

"Spencer! What can it hurt?" He looked back and pressed his lips together. She was staring at him with pleading eyes, as if everything was riding on this _one_ thing. His heart was aching and all of the memories were coming back. He moved his hand over to his chest and spoke in a soft, but pained voice. "Carly, I don't know what's left _to_ hurt. I screwed up, okay? I'm the one that screwed up, okay? She showed me that, dad showed me that…My heart has been destroyed by my own actions. It was _my_ fault Carly, _my_ arrogance, _my _stupidity, and so my heart left me."

"So why don't you try and get it back?"

He waited for a minute, contemplating his response in his mind and awaiting for some sign. He let out a small silent sob, crying inwardly as he crossed his arms over and closed his eyes. This was such a painful subject and he _hated_ to be vulnerable. He never wanted Carly to see it, he never wanted her friends to see it, and for some crazy reason, even Sasha had never seen it. "Because it's too late to fight for it, isn't it?"

"No Spencer, it's not." She walked around him and started pushing him back to the center of the room. She rubbed his back gently as he faced the camera. "I know you don't like vulnerability, I know you hide yourself, you want to be seen as the crazy and obnoxious older brother with no problems whatsoever…and I know you don't like asking for help either, but Spencer, I ask you this one statement. How would you live? How could you live giving up, losing hope, hiding behind a fake wall, and so many other things?"

"I've never lost hope…"

"Then say them. Say the words you've wanted to say to her for the last two years. Right here, right now, let it be known how you feel. I promise you, if it doesn't make you feel the slightest bit better just to get the words off your chest after all this time, if it makes things worse, then I will personally shut down iCarly. Not because of you, but for confirmation of my own thoughts."

He closed his eyes, trembling slightly. He let a tear stroll down his cheek and drip from his chin. "Carly…please…stop." His heart wept bitterly and he clenched the shirt above his chest. Carly slowly stepped back and Sam stepped aside, looking to Freddie with raised eyebrows. Spencer slowly opened his eyes and continued to shake. "Sasha Everett." His voice cracked and he quickly tried to recover. Carly ran over to a desk she'd brought up to the studio and grabbed a tissue box. "Wherever you are right now, I'm either going to embarrass myself or…I'm just going to come out with it. The words you were waiting to hear, the words I should have told you that day. God I've been a fool…I love you, Sasha. I loved you then, I love you now."

He felt Carly smile upon him and slowly looked up to the ceiling. He wanted to say he'd never felt this emotional before, he wanted to say he never cried before, but he couldn't. "I miss you, I want to talk to you when I say these words, not Dad, not Carly…" He sniffed and his voice shook harder, becoming more and more strained as he eyed the camera. What was he doing? How was he just coming out with this? "You were the only woman, the _only_ woman I've ever loved. The only one I've ever wanted, and I fucked up royally. You remember that fight? That argument we had…You remember that? Those words that I said, so full of pride…so full of myself…I didn't mean them, Sasha. Never, _never_ could I mean something like that. I loved you then and I love you now, I love you more than any of my art combined. I've enjoyed you more than I ever enjoyed those sculptures. The words I should have told you then…God…"

Carly handed him a tissue and he took it graciously. He wiped his nose and pressed his fingers to the corner inside sockets. "I hate breaking down, I hate being vulnerable." As awkward as it felt for him to stand there, confessing his sorrows to a camera, he still had, for some crazy and unknown reason, the faith that_ maybe_ Sasha would hear him. "It would be wrong of me to beg you to come back after all this time, especially…when you might have moved on, you might hate me now, but Carly's right…I should say how I feel. The real words that were on my mind back then: You're right, I love you so much more than anything else in this world. You mean everything to me. That dream house you want, that family you want, that life? I want it so badly too. I want it for you and for us. I remember saying to you early on when we first started dating, I loved you so much and that I didn't think I'd ever feel differently…it's true, I've never stopped feeling that way for you. Hell, even Socko thought I'd lost my mind."

He saw Carly move over to the desk and grab some papers off of it, she held them up and smiled with pride. "Look, he's started Law School. He only has one last semester and he'll be done." He moved his eyes to the side and frowned. He didn't take too kindly to being interrupted.

"My art's become tiresome. I lost the enjoyment for it when I lost you. You were my world. My dad showed me that there really was no life with just art, it is a difficult living. I don't know if you can forgive me…for those words that I can't take back…I can only ask that you forgive me, so maybe we both move on. I won't stop loving you, I haven't even tried…I should have run after you that day, but I was so scared, I couldn't believe…I couldn't believe that actually _happened_."

"Sasha, do you see this!" Spencer flinched as his sister ran past him and grabbed a small box from the desk. His eyebrows lifted and panic struck him as he eyed the leather box. When she opened it, a sparkling diamond ring shone. He quickly grabbed it and threw it into his pocket. He turned to her and wiped his eyes. Yes, he felt better after getting that off his chest, but now he was scared, scared of what might come his way.

"Carly why, why did you make me do this? I know it all comes from my heart, I know I love her, I know I wish I could have her back, but…it's been, it's just…." His legs started to quiver beneath him as he turned his face to the camera. "Everyone in the world knows…what a fool I've been now."

"If one good thing can come out of this, Spencer…"

"Like what? What do you think can come out of this? You should listen to your friends, iCarly isn't negative…it's just when you do negative things, that's when it becomes negative. Like when you put Jonah on that machine and told everyone that he cheated on Sam, that was practically telling everybody to attack him…"

"I…I know…" She stared down at the ground and closed her hands up. She wanted to make amends, she wanted to fix the things that had gone wrong, but maybe she couldn't fix everything. "At least I know, Spencer, that I can _try_ to make a difference. That's what some of the best politicians do, isn't it?"

"Politics? What does that have to…oh, I see." He remembered Carly's ultimate goal in life and slowly smiled as his heart lifted up briefly. He hugged her and felt her body tense in surprise. "Carly, you know you'll make a great politician one day, and I'm sorry if I got upset…it's just, this was a little sudden and…I'm steal dealing with it." He stood up straight and met her eyes as they danced around curiously. "I have no doubts you'll make a great politician one day, and you know what? You were right…I do feel better after getting all that off my chest. You should warn people though. It might help in the long run."

"Yeah…"

"Now if you don't mind. I'm going to go take a long shower, then get some rest. I don't know where you found that ring, but if you've been snooping my room, since you evidently know my _underwear_ too…" He narrowed his eyes darkly and she let out a nervous chuckle. "I hope you haven't found anything else."

"Well there seemed to be a custom made teddy bear on your bed that read Sasha and-" He quickly covered her lips and shouted out, trying to make sure nobody heard her.

"Okay! And we're done here!" The others in the room laughed as Spencer rushed Carly out of the room. This day had gone well, at least.

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><p>Hope you liked that chapter, let me know what you thought of Spencer's confesion. Oh, and check out my other story as well, "Against All Odds". It's going to be pretty good. Next chapter's coming up, this will be the chapter where I'm sure you're all going to hate Rodney<p> 


	16. Emergency!

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 16 (Emergency)<p>

Later that evening, Valerie was waving her family off as they went on to separate things. Viola had a check up at the military doctor and Victor was taking her. Victoria was going out to the movies with a few friends and Veronica was taking Vixen to dance practice. Vixen was dressed up in a pink fairy dress and had long transparent wings. In her hand she had a long wand with a star on it. "Are you sure you can't come with us?" Veronica asked quickly. Valerie smiled sweetly and shook her head, she'd been telling Veronica no for the past ten minutes. "Come on, Vixen's going to be a princess, the whole dance is supposed to be beautiful."

"I will get to see it when she performs it for real, that'll be the most special moment. I told you, my boyfriend wants to see me. He hasn't had a chance, so he's kind of…well, upset about that." Veronica's lips fell at the mention of Rodney, she hated that guy for some reason. Ever since that phone call, she had an unsettling feeling. She only told one person about her worries, and that one person was all that was necessary. "Don't worry Veronica, I'll be fine." She still hadn't told Veronica the specifics of that phone call, she simply couldn't tell her that Rodney was abusive.

"Valerie, when he called your phone and I talked to him, you know he was cussing and thought I was you at first. I can't stand to see my sister treated like that. None of us can." Valerie hugged her close and she let a tear drip from her eye. Veronica smiled slightly and took a step back, looking into Valerie's eyes. "I know you're just trying to get rid of me right now, aren't you?" Valerie smirked and shrugged her shoulders.

"Who knows, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I know Vixen's going to be running late if you don't hurry."

"Okay, I can take a hint. Just be careful, got that?"

"I will be."

"Promise? If he does anything, you _promise_ to stand up for yourself?" Valerie dropped her gaze and took a deep breath. How could she promise anything like that? "You're not weak, I know you're not." If only she knew the truth, she wouldn't be saying that. Her heart split in two as she started pushing Veronica towards the door. "All right, all right, I get it. I'll see you in a few hours, Sis!"

"Bye, have fun. I love you two."

"Love you!"

When they were out of the house, she walked to the couch and lounged onto it, flipping the television on. She rubbed her temples and smiled when she saw the movie _Enough_ with Jennifer Lopez playing. She _loved_ that movie, watched it almost every week. It gave her what she liked to call her mental 'fix' of the week. Yet why, _why_ couldn't she be like the woman in that movie? Strong, steady, powerful, never backing down? Go figure, Rodney absolutely despised the movie. He actually hated women who stood up for themselves, he _feared_ them, was more like it. It was the reason he left Sam alone most of the time, that girl could handle herself just fine.

The movie was at one of her favorite parts, the part with the trainer. She sat up and watched with wide, vibrant eyes as the instructor boxed with Jennifer Lopez "Slim" and trained her.

_ "Relax. Close your eyes. I'm not here. He's not here. You ready?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "Can you lose?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Can he hurt you?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Even though he's bigger?"_ Valerie began to speak along with the quotes, leaning forward and nodding slightly.

"He's a lot bigger."

_"Even though he's stronger?"_

"He's a lot stronger…"

_ "He's a lot stronger."_

_ "It takes twice as much energy to swing and miss as to swing and hit. You think you're done for, he's got you by the throat.__ So how do you win?"_

"I attack."

_"And what do you do after you attack?"_

"Nothing."

_"Why nothing?"_

"I never stop attacking." Valerie watched with pride as Jennifer Lopez and the trainer started sparring, him teaching her everything he could.

_"One last thing, the hardest lesson. We can't control the universe. Suddenly the maid enters, you're distracted for an instant and he hits you."_

"That's not possible."

"_To win, we must prepare, even for the impossible. We bend the universe to our will, but it will only go so far."_

"So you're saying…" The woman frowned as the instructor nodded his head.

_"Yes. You're down. Lying there. Seemingly beaten, but hear me. Hold on to my voice. He's standing over you, he _thinks_ he's won. And as sure as he's a coward, he will try to kick you."_

"Yes."

_"But because you know what he'll do…you're smiling inside."_ Valerie's favorite quote, it played well with the movie and carried out strongly in the climaxing end. Suddenly the door opened up and Valerie's head flew over to see Rodney enter the house. He really needed to learn to ring the doorbell. He moved over to the couch and raised his eyebrow.

"You're watching this shitty movie?" She frowned as he grabbed the remote and flipped off the movie and onto another channel. Her eyes fell and she slowly stood from the couch, what was the point? She couldn't argue with him, she couldn't fight him. She wasn't strong like the woman in that movie was, she was weak. "I guess you must be bored. You make me anything to eat?" She narrowed her eyes for a split second and looked up to the kitchen. Yes she loved to cook, but that didn't mean she was his cook slave, did it? She digressed though, whenever she saw that movie, it always put her in this kind of a mood. Maybe that was just how she was inside, but she had to hide it before Rodney noticed and beat her down for it.

"Is there anything you'd like, Rodney?" Whatever it took, whatever it took to not have him snap at her. Maybe she could get into the kitchen and call Jonah. Just then she had a funny thought, in the movie the man that the woman had feelings for was named Joe. She shook the thought from her mind and thought about the possibility of calling Jonah as a way to get someone over here, fast. She was scared as hell of being alone with this man.

"I guess a sandwich would be nice. Make me a sub with lots of meat and vegetables." She nodded slowly and walked into the kitchen. When she made it in there, she slowly pulled her phone from her pocket and carefully brought it to her ear, not thinking about anything other than getting a hold of Jonah. She grabbed all that she needed to make the sandwich while waiting for the phone to ring.

_"Come on Joe, pick up. Pick up."_ The phone went to his voicemail, which was a surprise. She tried to think about what he could be doing and realized that Olivia was getting her teeth checked. Jonah probably had his phone on silent and wouldn't be able to get out of there. _"No…"_ It was best to leave a voicemail, because she knew he would check his messages if she called him. "Jonah, it's Valerie. Um…well Rodney's over and I don't exactly know if he's going to do anything. Maybe you could come over just in case?"

"I don't hear food making going on in there!" Valerie cringed and put the phone to her shoulder. Thinking fast, she continued to prepare the sandwich, almost finished anyway. For her, sandwiches were a cinch to make.

"I'm making your sandwich, don't worry!" She lifted her eyes up and brought the phone to her ear. "I can't really talk right now, he seems like he's in his usual bad mood. I think I'll call Sam next since you're probably still at the dentist." She hung up the phone and pushed it back into her pocket. She topped the sandwich off with the bun and turned around just in time to stop herself from bumping into Rodney. She let out a yelp and took a step back.

"Who were you talking to just now?"

"What? Nobody…I was making your sandwich." She looked up fearfully and held the sandwich up.

"Don't play coy with me, Valerie. Who the fuck were you talking to?"

Something sparked inside of her, something _bad_. She narrowed her eyes quickly and cleared her throat. She _wanted_ to talk to Jonah, she couldn't explain how she felt for Jonah and Olivia. "It's none of your business, Rodney. I have friends too. I'm not going to _not_ have a personal life just to cater to all your needs." As soon as she said that, her eyes widened and she took a step back, what the hell did she just do? She watched as Rodney closed his eyes and raised his eyebrows.

"I see. So what gave you the strength to talk to me like that, huh?" She attempted to make a dash past him, but he grabbed her wrist with such intensity that she jerked backwards and dropped the sandwich and plate on the ground. She screamed as her wrist twisted. Rodney moved his eyes to the food and he let out a dangerous growl. "You're dropping my food now, bitch?"

"Stop it! I didn't mean that, it just slipped out!"

"Oh, I see, well then allow me to fix that." He pressed her against a wall and backhanded her. She screamed as the pain flared up inside. He pulled his fist back and she quickly ducked down, causing him to slam his fist against the hard wall. She ran off as she heard a cracking sound and Rodney cussing out in agony. "You fucking little bitch! Get back here."

"No! Leave me alone!" She knew he'd been having a rough week, but she didn't know it had been _that_ rough. She didn't want to end up with a bruised face again, she didn't want to end up with a split lip. Thinking fast, she reached for her cell phone and quickly dialed Sam's number with her good hand. Just as she put the phone to her ear, firm hand grabbed her wrist and violently pulled her back.

"Valerie? It's Sam, what's going on?"

"Sam!" Rodney quickly cupped his hand over her mouth and closed her phone. He grabbed it from her hand and tossed it onto the floor. She screamed out and tears left her eyes. "Please! Don't hurt me, I'm sorry!"

"Oh you're going to be sorry. Are you stepping out on me? I've been wondering that. Isn't it ironic that the school's toughest kid gets put in _your_ class for his CPR stuff?" He clenched his fist and slammed it hard into her stomach twice. "How the fuck am I supposed to trust you, Valerie? You're all for me and then what? You decide all of a sudden you're going to stand up and tell me you deserve a personal life? I don't think so."

"Rodney! Please!" He roared with anger and threw her down against the floor. Her body jerked upwards, the air quickly left her mouth and she let out a devastating moan. He sneered and cracked his neck to the side as he stepped over her.

_"And as sure as he is a coward, he will try to kick you."_

She watched as he lifted his leg, her eyes widened as her chest heaved. She was gasping for air and clutching her chest tightly. Why couldn't she breathe? She was crying too hard, she was screaming at the top of her lungs, he wouldn't stop. "I told you. You're to respect me, to obey me, to listen to me, to not speak against me. I am your fucking _god_, you pathetic bitch." She clenched her eyes shut and felt him kick the air from her.

"Oh you did _not_ just call my sister that." Valerie gasped for air as she heard Vanessa's voice. Vanessa? What was she doing home? She wasn't supposed to be there until Saturday. Vanessa was a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, she lived and breathed fighting. Rodney looked up and froze as he met the intense, murderous glare of Vanessa Williams. "I'm going to give you three seconds to get the fuck away from her. I don't care _who_ you are, I don't care what you think you're entitled to, you _will_ leave now"

"Let me guess…You're definitely not Veronica."

"No. I'm Vanessa, the eldest. Veronica was the one who called me. Two seconds."

"Oh…"

"Made me think, perhaps I should come home early. One second. Get out. I'm not joking, I don't play, and I'm deathly protective of my little sisters, _especially_ Valerie." She sneered and positioned herself for fight. "You're out of seconds. Goodbye Rodney." With a dangerous, powerful shout, she leapt through the air with a bent knee towards Rodney. His eyes widened as she extended her leg and slammed it into his chest, sending him against the wall. Before he could react, she had his jacket and was pulling him up, holding him with a death glare. "You think you're big, huh tough guy? Think you can mistreat women? Think they're inferior? I knew Valerie was acting strange, now I know why." With another fierce yell, she threw him overhead and slammed him into the ground. He moaned and slowly pushed himself up, coughing out blood as he did so. She slammed her foot down in front of him and scowled. "I'm not ordering you again. Get out of my house!" Her shout was so powerful that the voice alone could have thrown him out, but regardless, he wasted no time scrambling to his feet and dashing madly from the house.

In a heartbeat, Jonah and Sam both burst into the house, having responded to Valerie's phone call. Sam's eyes locked onto Valerie's unconscious body and her eyes grew wide, she feared the worst. "Valerie! No!"

"Shit!" Jonah ran towards her and knelt beside, tapping her shoulder. "Valerie? Valerie!" He clicked his tongue and looked up to Vanessa and Sam. "One of you call 9-1-1! Stat!" He quickly put his hear to Valerie's mouth and watched her chest for any rise, no breath was detected. "Fuck, I'm not letting you die." Thinking of protocol, in order to see exactly the right place for hand placement, one had to remove the shirt. He was too busy worrying about her life to care whether anyone thought it looked right, so he removed her shirt and placed the heel of his hand to the middle of Valerie's chest.

_"Compress the chest two inches, allow the chest time to recoil but do not slow your pace."_ He interlaced his fingers and began the chest compressions, counting up to thirty. _"Every thirty, check the breathing and perform two rescue breaths. Open the victim's airway using the head tilt and chin lift method. Give two rescue breaths, the chest must rise, if it does not rise the first time, you haven't positioned the airway appropriately. After the rescue breaths, continue with thirty more compressions, you must be able to do one hundred compressions per minute, or you're not doing enough and you may lose the victim! Keep this cycle going until the paramedics arrive, do not stop."_

He shut out Sam's frantic voice on the phone and was sure Vanessa was keeping watch for the ambulance. With each swift compression, he kept his eyes focused on his hands. Yes there was the typical snapping and popping sounds, but those were safe, he knew better than to quit, as the noises didn't mean anything. Once he reached thirty, he moved over and placed two fingers under Valerie's chin and pinched her nose as he tilted her head back. He performed one rescue breath and positioned his ear over her lips while watching her chest for a rise. As it rose and fell, he quickly performed another rescue breath and waited for the rise. Once that worked, he moved over and continued chest compressions.

"Come on, stay with me!" After repeating this cycle several times, sweat was pouring from all ends of his body, even in the places he wished he could wipe off but knew better than. "Stay with me. I'm not letting you go!" His hair was falling in front of his eyes, sweat dripped off the tip of his nose, and his shirt was completely drenched, but he was not stopping. "You have to wake up soon enough." He had to perform this until she either started breathing, regained consciousness or the paramedics arrived.

It was not much longer that Vanessa came running inside. "They're here!" Jonah made a mental note of that and kept going until the paramedics ran in and tapped his shoulder to relieve him of duty. He moved away as they took over. The final couple of rescue breaths did it, because Valerie coughed, which meant she was breathing again.

He watched anxiously as the paramedics put her on a stretcher and held an oxygen mask over her face. Two people were allowed in the ambulance, so Sam and Jonah went with them while Vanessa made sure to contact the family and follow the ambulance. As they rode along, he was going to make sure Valerie knew the medics were the ones that saved her. He didn't think she would be a candidate for it, but remembering what happened when Freddie saved Carly from that truck, he didn't want Valerie to start thinking she owed him anything. He wasn't vain enough to believe that she would, though. It was mostly Sam that told him to let her think the medics did all the CPR.

Halfway to the hospital, Valerie's eyes were opening, a great relief to Jonah. Sam was holding her hand and smiling with tears of joy in her eyes as she waited for her friend to speak. Her voice was weak and a bit garbled, but just coherent enough. "Jonah? Sam? What happened to Rodney? I thought I heard Vanessa…"

"You did, and Rodney _met_ Vanessa." Valerie closed her eyes and breathed in. She had hoped that wouldn't happen, but there was no escaping it.

"What happened? Where am I?" Jonah brushed Valerie's bangs from her face and rested his hand on her forehead, gazing into her frightened brown eyes. "What's that loud noise?"

"You're in an ambulance, Valerie. We're going to the hospital. Vanessa's following…and I'm pretty sure the rest of your family's following too, minus Mr. and Mrs. Williams, who I think Vanessa said were still at the hospital." Sam looked up and slowly shook her head.

"Not the emergency side, but they're just a short drive there."

"Right."

Valerie moaned and tried to move, but she felt too weak to do so. She wanted to scream, because now surely her entire family was going to know she was a battered woman. "Why does trying to move hurt?"

"I think you have a bruised organ, that's a severe medical case, Valerie." She moaned and closed her eyes tightly. Why had she ever let Rodney do this to her? "The paramedics said it's not too horrible, that it could recover in about a week, but we'll have to see what the doctor says." She smiled weakly and looked into his eyes.

"I thought you were a doctor?"

"Not quite. I want to be one eventually, preferably a military doctor."

"That's a good goal to have…" She looked to Sam and swallowed. "Sam? Am I going to live? I've never been in an ambulance before…." It scared her to be carted away like this, she had always thought, when she was a kid, that the ones who go in the ambulance were the ones who were dead. Sam nodded her head and looked over at the paramedics who were monitoring all the equipment as well as Valerie herself.

"You're going to be just fine."

"I'm not strong, Sam. I'm not like Slim is…"

"Slim?"

"You know, Jennifer Lopez? Enough?"

"Oh yeah! I do know that movie. You are strong Valerie, you just need to believe it."

Once they made it to the emergency room, it was some time before the doctors were done with her. She had a high priority in the triage system, which was basically the hospital's way of prioritizing their patients. The ones with the higher priority were seen before the ones with lower priority. Such as, someone with a gunshot wound would have higher priority than a patient with a sprained ankle. She would still have to be monitored overnight, then she was free to go home, but she had to have some follow up appointments with her family doctor, a Gastroenterology specialist, basically a specialist dealing with the internal organs belonging to the GI tract. These organs are the Liver, Intestines, Stomach, Pancreas, Lungs, Diaphragm, Esophagus, gallbladder, rectum, anus, and the spleen. She had a contusion, or bruising, of the Liver. The doctor determined it was not _too_ severe, but it would take at least a week for it to recover.

"Jonah, Sam, I don't feel so good…" Valerie's eyes were closed and her heart was pounding with fear. She didn't want to stay overnight, she was too afraid. She was afraid Rodney would come back for her and finish the job. "Where's mommy and daddy?"

"We're right here, Baby." Her mother's soft voice touched her ears and she slowly opened her eyes. She was in a large room with several chairs around her and multiple machines near her bedside. She could see the concern in everyone's eyes. Why did it have to come to this? Why did they have to find out like this?

Viola was seated closest to the machines against the wall that the head of Valerie's bed was. Standing behind her wheelchair was her husband, Victor. Next to Valerie, sitting in a gray chair, was Jonah. Sam was standing next to him. At the foot of the bed, Victoria and Vixen eyed Valerie with anxious hearts. On the other side of the bed stood Vanessa and Veronica.

"Are you guys mad at me?"

Viola squeezed Valerie's hand gently and kissed her forehead. "No sweetie. Why would we be mad?"

"Because I didn't tell you about Rodney…" Viola started grooming her daughter's hair. "Assuming you all know now."

"We know, but we're not mad at you. You were afraid, we understand that." A tear ran down Valerie's face and Vanessa reached over to wipe it off.

"I'm glad Veronica called me." Valerie pressed her eyebrows together and smiled sadly. So was she. She thought for sure her family would react worse to the whole thing, but they seemed anything but judgmental of her. "She told me about that phone call, so I took some time off from college and came home. Yeah, you should have told us, and no, we don't think any less of you. Got that?"

"I do…"

"We're a family, Valerie. We all care about you just as much as you care about any of us. We shouldn't hide things from each other, especially something as serious as this."

"I understand Vanessa."

A few hours later, the family had to head home. Vixen was getting tired, Victoria was getting bored, and Valerie was feeling a bit too crowded. Jonah decided to stand guard overnight since she didn't feel comfortable with being completely alone. She had a couple nightmares, but overall, she did just fine. A doctor had asked if she wanted to press charges and she told him no, she was too afraid of what Rodney might do to her if she did.

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><p>Valerie has reached the pinnacle of her abuse, Rodney's hospitalized her. I told you, you would likely hate him after this chapter. Tell me your thoughts on this chapter. Jonah did well saving her, he is a good person to not try to hunt Rodney down, but at least we all know everyone there is thinking it. Her family knows know, they seemed to handle the news maturely.<p> 


	17. Night Watch

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 17 (Night Watch)<p>

The meticulous beeping sound of the heart monitor played a beat in Jonah's head as he slowly looked around the room. His chair was against the wall and his right leg was resting on his left leg with his cell phone in his lap. The clock said it was three in the morning and he could hardly sleep. This was the first time in a hospital after night and he actually was having fun. He had taken a walk through the halls earlier, got some food and drinks from vending machines, laughed with the night shift workers.

Sure he explored a bit, but for the most part he remained in Valerie's room in case she woke up. She'd already had a couple nightmares that he had to talk her through, so it was a rough night for her as well. Even Sam wasn't asleep, she was sending Jonah text messages all throughout the night, wanting to know how Valerie was doing. Sometimes one of her sisters would call his phone, he'd probably heard from Valerie's dad a million times and received a million too many thanks for having saved Valerie's life. Not that it was a bad thing, he appreciated it, but he didn't want to be the _hero_. He wanted things to happen naturally, for positive relationships to build, and everyone seemed to understand that.

In the left corner of a room, sleeping in a cot provided by one of the nurses was Olivia. She wanted to see Valerie when she learned Jonah was at the hospital. When he received that message at the dentist's office, he called up Ms. Benson, who gladly came over. He and Freddie had already gotten over their shock at discovering their parents dating, now they just didn't care. Jonah did feel a bit left out, wondering where his father was during all of this coping that would have taken place? She begged Michael to bring her to the hospital, and the moment she arrived, he left. It shouldn't have come to him as a surprise, his dad was always like that. At least for him. As for tonight, that man was the furthest thing from Jonah's mind, he could care less whether his father bothered to hang around or not..

His eyes traveled to Valerie and he watched as she took slow, quiet breaths in her sleep. She somehow managed to ignore the fact that she was in a hospital overnight for the very first time of her life. Granted, she was still frightened of the fact, he could see it in her eyes. He closed his eyes and leaned back, trying to fall asleep. Sure he didn't _want_ to fall asleep, he wanted to enjoy the hospital a bit more, but he was definitely tired. He did think it was odd that he actually enjoyed the hospital though.

"Jonah…" His eyes flew open and moved to Valerie, she was still asleep. He raised his eyebrow and watched as she turned over. "Check the halls. Rodney's coming. Rodney's coming to kill me…" She was talking in her sleep, he was almost certain she was having a nightmare. Olivia stirred from sleep and lifted her head up.

"Is she okay?"

"She's having a nightmare." He walked over to Valerie and placed his hand gently on her harm. He spoke softly to her, trying to let her know it was okay. "Valerie, Rodney's not here. You're safe, I won't let him hurt you, I promise." Olivia stood up and stretched her legs out.

"I need to use the restroom." Jonah looked back and gave her a nod of approval. She left the room as Valerie rolled onto her back and looked up at Jonah. She smiled softly as her eyes met his.

"Hey Jonah." Her voice was groggy from sleep, but that was fine.

"Hey there you, are you feeling a bit better?"

"A little. I'm sorry you got dragged into all my horrible stuff, Jonah. My life's never been this bad before…" He smiled as she sat up and let him fluff her pillow a little. He helped her to lay back down and pulled the blanket up.

"I don't mind. That's what friends are for, isn't it? Can I check your wrist for you?" She looked to the wrist that Rodney grabbed and lifted it up. There was a bright mark that he left. Jonah gingerly touched the swollen area and Valerie winced for a split second. "You good?"

"It hurts just a little, but I think it'll be fine. The doctors said it wasn't broken?" Jonah carefully rested her wrist back onto the bed and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, they actually let me look at your X-rays." He lifted two fingers up, a V for victory, and grinned brightly. Valerie laughed once and looked towards her feet. She swayed them from side to side and took a deep breath. "It was a good time."

"You definitely like hospitals. More so than I do, I'll say that much." She rubbed her arms and shuddered. "I can't believe you would actually stay overnight with me." His face started to turn red and he quickly shook his blush away.

"Yeah well everyone wanted to, but only one of us could stay. Your younger sisters had to get sleep, obviously, so they couldn't stay up all night in the hospital. Your dad had work in the morning and was your mother's ride. Between myself and Sam, well, let's just say I won a game or rock paper scissors, shall we?" That wasn't entirely correct. He was biased, he wanted to stay with Valerie more and was better fit to watch over her without getting too bored in a hospital.

"Well thank you. You're a good person, you know that? You really are." Her words touched his heart and he gave a small smile. He'd softened up lately, he wasn't going to deny that. He could have taken on Rodney and his goons when they showed up at his house, but he made that vow not to damage Rodney so Valerie wouldn't worry. "Thank you for staying around."

"Hey, you're not so bad either. We've had our shares of trials and tribulations, but you know what? We can always rise above."

"I don't know how I will…I mean, there's Rodney. How do I leave him? You saw what he did to me today, and that was just because I…I spoke out against him. I brought it against myself." She turned her head to the side and moved her eyes towards the ground. Jonah's heart softened and he slowly sat on the bed next to her, staring off at the wall. Valerie looked up at him as he narrowed his eyes.

"A boy sits alone in a dark room, he is only five or six. He is beaten by the neighborhood kids and his classmates because he is always a loner. He keeps to himself. When he walks the streets to get home, he walks by himself and stays away from all others." Valerie pursed her lips and furrowed her brow as Jonah turned his head towards the ground. "When he gets home he finds a drunk and depressive father reliving some old childhood abuse. Those flashbacks cause the man to strike his own son, thinking that this kid is someone trying to hurt him. The boy remains in that room, staying away and listening to his mother try and soften the blows. Haunted by nightmares, haunted by dreams, fearing every moment his father flashes back to that traumatic time. Desperately trying to understand, questioning and wondering, why him? Why him? Did that boy deserve what he got? Did kid do anything to cause what happened to him?"

"Jonah…" Jonah looked at Valerie as she lifted her hand up and placed it over his. Her eyes became misty and she slowly shook her head. "No. No he didn't…"

"So what's the difference between that kid and you, Valerie? Why should he not deserve any of that and you do? Why should he do nothing, yet every time you glance away, Rodney lashes out at you, and you blame yourself?" Her eyes met his and she released her hand for a split second, gasping as she studied his sad brown eyes. She slowly sat down and reached forward, hugging him tightly. "Wha…" His cheeks started to turn crimson as a single tear fell from his left eye. He close his eyes and cleared his throat, quickly flicking the tear from his cheek. "Listen to me well. Rodney has a mindset of his own, it's been screwed up by the drugs he's taken and fears of those stronger. He thinks he can control people who he thinks are weak."

"Like me?" She lifted her head to him and he met her eyes sternly.

"You're not weak, everyone knows that. All your sisters say Rodney's turned you into his vision of what he thinks you should be. You're a strong girl, you're a great woman, even I've seen flashes of that. You don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does. You've done nothing to deserve it, but with Rodney's mindset, an abuser's mindset, he'll use _anything and everything_ to gain control over you. I'll bet the first thing he did was play on that guilt you felt over the whole fiasco with Carly, Sam, and Freddie."

"Yeah actually…for the first month or two he was okay, and then he just started getting worse. It's never gotten this bad until now."

"Do you still feel guilty about what happened back then, Valerie?"

"Not really…" She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back, staring at her feet. "When Sam, Carly, and even Freddie accepted me…I realized I didn't need to feel guilt, but…the damage done by Rodney and the kids at school is already done."

"You can't change the past, nobody can ever change the past, but the future is always changing. If you want to be free, you have to let go of the past and say you won't allow it to control you any longer. Once you do that, you regain who you truly are."

"I…I am strong." Jonah hummed as he listened to her meek sounding voice. He slowly shook his head and smiled.

"No. Too small. Let me _hear_ it." She raised her eyebrow as Jonah stood up. He tensed his muscles and rolled his shoulders, moving his head from side to side. "I'm not just strong. Shout it loudly, shout it proudly: I am _strong!_ I am _powerful!_ Nobody can control my fate but _me!_" He emphasized strong, powerful, and me and put extra shout on those words. "When you start believing that, then _nobody_ can take it from you. More conviction. Roar, let's hear you roar. You are your own person."

"I am strong, powerful, and…I control my own fate. How was that?" He crossed his arms over and smirked teasingly.

"Eh, that was more like a _purr_." She laughed and shook her head.

"It was not, I had conviction!"

"Oh you did, did you? 'Cause I didn't hear any. You are strong, you are powerful, you are beautiful, you are in control! Let's hear it."

"Roar!" She sounded out a small roar sound and Jonah laughed playfully. "I am woman, hear me roar!"

"Well now we're getting somewhere."

"Roar! I'm going to tear the room apart! Roar." She giggled and Jonah quickly shook his hands in the air, laughing uncontrollably.

"Now let's not get carried away here, we _are_ in a hospital. I don't think the nurses would be too happy if you broke the room apart."

"Yeah…now if only I could stand up to Rodney without being afraid of him. I used to be that person…"

"Tell me about it." She sighed and set her hands on her stomach while Jonah sat next to her on the bed.

"It used to be that Vanessa, Veronica and I were the three toughest sisters. Vanessa still is, Veronica's sassy as hell, and I used to be the strongest spiritually wise."

"So what we have here is the strongest physically, strongest emotionally and the strongest mentally, or something like that?"

"Something like that. Vanessa's strong physically and always has a good mind. She's the one we all look up to, she was always my favorite sister. No going around telling the others that." Jonah chuckled and lifted up his right hand as though he were taking an oath.

"Scouts honor."

"Good. If all us girls were one big planet, she'd be the atlas holding us up. Protective as she is fierce, as she is smart. Veronica's just sassy, but she lets no one, and I repeat _no one_ treat her badly. She's loyal to a fault. Me, I helped Vanessa keep everything together, especially when Mom lost the ability to walk. I kept the girls from crying, kept them from being hurt, I made sure mom was well taken care of when Dad was at work…"

"In a way, you were like the rock?"

"Yeah. It took an emotional toll on me though…" He nodded understandably. It was easy for all that stress to wear someone out. "I didn't have friends, so I thought maybe if I competed with iCarly I'd get friends…it was a mistake and I wasn't thinking right. After that, I felt guilty, and that already weakened my mindset…That's when the kids started picking on me, and then I met Rodney. That girl I was, she's dead…she's gone…"

"Now that I don't believe." She raised her eyebrow as Jonah placed his finger onto her chest, hovering just above her heart. "She's still in here. You just have to find her again. She comes out every now and then, and whenever she does, she impresses everyone around her." Her face turned a shade of crimson as she lifted her eyes and locked onto his. There was something there, something that held her gaze. What was it? She'd never seen it before. Not even Freddie ever held that look in his eyes. Her breathing softened. The door flew open and she nearly jumped from the bed. Jonah winced and turned around to see Olivia breathing heavily.

"Jonah, he's here. I just followed him, he's going in every room of the hospital!"

"What?" His heart tightened and he quickly closed the door. Valerie's eyes widened and the color started to drain from her face. He looked over at her, then back to Olivia. "Olivia, go stay with Valerie. It'll be fine…" He couldn't let Rodney find them. Right now, these were the two most important girls in his life, there was no way Rodney was going to get them. "Whatever you do, do not open this door. No matter what. You got that? When I return, you'll know it's safe when you hear this…" He lifted his hand up to the door and knocked three times, paused, knocked three more times, paused, then knocked five times. "Got that?"

"O-Okay brother, but what are you going to do?"

"Try to keep him away from you two, obviously." Valerie lifted her hand up and called out for him.

"Don't do anything bad!" He pressed his lips together and met Valerie's eyes. They were fearful, but trusting. He wanted to kill Rodney for putting her here, but he wasn't going to do that.

"I promise. I'll be back." He rushed out the door and heard Olivia lock it. His eyes narrowed as he stared down the bleak hallway. He could hear footsteps off to the left. Most likely those belonged to Rodney. "Hey Rodney, that you? Allow me to escort you _away_…" He began moving in the direction of the footsteps and found Rodney peering into a room. He smirked slightly and folded his arms over. "Wrong room druggie." Rodney looked back and his eyebrows rose sharply. "Hi there."

"Hey, I was just looking for Valerie, she had a bit of an accident I think."

"Oh, really? You mean an accident that _you_ caused?" Rodney's lips fell as Jonah grabbed Rodney's shirt and started dragging him down the hallway. "You almost killed her, I hope you know that. I only refuse to beat the shit out of you because she doesn't want anyone kicking your ass for you. So don't provoke me."

"You know where Valerie is? What the fuck is with you? I thought I told you to stay away from her!"

"Yeah, and since when do I give a shit about you?" Eventually he dragged the struggling drug addict to the front desk where the night nurse looked up curiously. "Hey, this is the guy that put Valerie in that bed. He's been snooping around, trying to find her. Don't let him in."

"Oh, we'd be happy to escort him out, Mr. Brown." Rodney smirked and crossed his arms triumphantly.

"And who's going to do that, a scrawny little female?" Jonah clenched his fist and waited as the nurse clicked a button. He grinned, beaming with pride as he knew what was coming.

"No, these guys will…" Rodney's eyebrows rose as two husky looking security guards, clearly bigger than he was, grabbed his arms and started dragging him away, much to his disdain. Jonah waved as Rodney cussed him out. "Bye bye dirtbag." He looked to the nurse, who went back to the computer. "Thank you very much, miss."

"You're welcome." Jonah nodded and returned to the room, giving the knock he told Olivia. She opened the door and smiled as she let him in. He walked over to Valerie, who was lying down in the bed asleep. Olivia looked to him and whispered softly.

"She fell asleep a few seconds ago. Is Rodney gone?"

"Yeah, I've taken care of him."

"Great." Olivia moved back to her cot and lay down, closing her eyes and breathing out softly. Jonah moved his eyes to Valerie and placed his hand on hers, giving it a soft squeeze. He quietly moved back to his chair and watched the two girls sleep.

"Nobody's going to hurt you while I'm here. I won't allow it…" He closed his eyes and breathed out softly as he drifted off into sleep.

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><p>Let me know what you thought. Seems we also see a little background on Jonah's past even. How fun, kicking Rodney out of the hospital, it's good to see Jonah cares about Valerie. Let me know your thoughts on the chapter<p> 


	18. A Mother's Joy

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 18 (A Mother's Joy)

Jonah walked into class Friday morning, the whole place was practically on fire with rumors. But for every person he heard say "Maybe a TV fell on her again", he practically snapped at and tore them apart. It didn't help that he was crabby as hell for staying up so late and waking up so damn early. Dr. Stein and Dr. Richards looked over to him and frowned as he walked up to them. They most likely heard of what happened last night. "Good morning Dr. Stein, Dr. Richards, how are you today. I'm ready for today's-" He yawned and shook his head, groaning in frustration. He hated yawning at the most inopportune times. "Ready for today's teaching…"

"You should go home and get some rest," Dr. Richards stated as he pat Jonah's shoulder. "We know you were at the hospital all night with your friend. For the record, you seem to know your material."

"Thank you sir…" It really didn't matter much, when it came to something like CPR, when it really mattered the most, it all came rushing back. Of course, once you use it to saves someone's life, you never really forget it. "With all respect, though, I want to participate in today's lecture." The kind doctors nodded as Jonah moved over to his station. Freddie smacked his arm lightly and furrowed his brow.

"Dude, what the hell happened last night? Sam said Valerie was in the emergency room." Jonah leaned forward against the desk and stared at the mannequin. His muscles flinched as the mannequin started to turn into Valerie, lying beaten and unconscious on the ground. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes, groaning with exhaustion. He felt his friend pat his back and slowly looked over to him. "People are talking so much shit. It's pissing me off."

"Yeah, relax man, don't get angry. I know how you're feeling, it's pissing me off too. Rodney hurt Valerie again…put her in the hospital, she had to stay overnight and I watched after her. Good thing too, because Rodney came looking for her around a quarter to four…"

"Damn bastard." Valerie was now safe at her own house with her mother taking care of her. Jonah joked with her about how she felt it was ironic that this time her mom was taking care of her when it used to be the other way around. "Is he just not going to get it through his thick head that he can't push her around like that?"

"He'll get what's coming to him one day. Valerie's getting stronger, man. You should see it, she really is." He admired that about her, the fact that she was so able to tune into her true self when she was alone with Jonah or her friends. "She wanted to try and come to school today, but her parents and sisters told her there was absolutely no way she was coming to school. I'm kind of glad for that, actually, after seeing all the ignorant dumbasses around here."

"True. I can't wait for Valerie to kick Rodney to the curb. That little prick deserves it."

"Yeah, well I'm going to check up on her after school. Want to come with?"

"Yeah sure." The bell rang and the two boys looked up as the instructors started talking. The home economics teacher gave her class the news that Valerie would be out for the weekend and if anyone wanted to make her something as condolences, they could. Freddie and Jonah were surprised to see at least three girls wanted to bake her some cake and some brownies.

Towards the end of the class, the girl with the blonde braids going over her shoulder walked up to them and looked up at Jonah kindly. "I'm Traci. My friends and I were wondering how Valerie's doing?"

"She's healing."

"We're making her some brownies and a get well cake. We're going to make it a velvet cake with pink whipped cream at the top." He pressed his lips together and crossed his arms as he studied her. She and her friends weren't one of the ones that constantly belittled Valerie, but he still couldn't be too sure. She could see the distrust in his eyes and pushed her hands into her pocket. "I know the others treat her coldly, but I think she's cool. I mean, she's honest and knows what she's doing. Regardless of what anyone says, she's probably one of the best cooks in the class."

"Thanks, and I will be checking your cake and brownies later. Just don't take it the wrong way, got that? Other than that, you can find me at my locker after school, or just find Freddie, then follow us to Valerie's."

"I understand, and I will do that. Thank you! By the way, do you know what really happened to her?"

"It isn't for me to say."

"Okay."

After school, the cake and brownies passed Jonah's inspection, so the girls were able to follow him to Valerie's. When they made it inside, Viola was happy to see them all there for her daughter. She led them to Valerie's bedroom where the girl was dozing off. "She's been tired for most of the day. Her boyfriend called a couple times, but Vanessa's been the one answering."

"Good." He walked alongside Valerie's bed, dragging his fingers along the reddish comforter. Valerie murmured in her sleep and slowly opened her eyes, meeting Jonah's almost instantly. Her lips turned up into a smile as she tentatively wrapped her hand around his fingers. It was more a subconscious move than anything else, but she didn't really care. Jonah smiled at her and sat next to her on the bed. "Hey Valerie, can I hear that roar yet?"

"Roar…I am strong." He smirked playfully closed his eyes.

"A little better, but you're still a cat. Be a lioness."

"Mm, are you a Lion?"

"I may be whatever you want me to be." She laughed and slowly sat up. Freddie moved around the two and propped her pillow up against the headboard so she could lay against something soft.

"Then you're a lion."

"So I am. Lions are courageous, strong, brave, confident…" He tapped his chin and quickly nodded. "I think I'll take it." Her eyes sparkled like diamonds, dazzling Jonah as he attempted to tear his gaze away for the moment. "Anyway, you have some people from your cooking class here for you, they made you something."

"Huh?" Valerie looked past Jonah and smiled as she saw Traci and the other two girls. One of the girls had carrot colored hair up in a ponytail and freckles that lined her face and shoulders, her name was Penny. The other girl had sandy brown hair cut just under her chin. "Traci, Penny, and Sarah, what are you three doing here?"

"We made you cake and brownies!" Traci smiled kindly and placed the cake down for Valerie. Valerie gasped in delight as she eyed the delicious treat and read the red 'get well soon' written in what looked to be strawberry coloring. Penny brought the brownies over and sat them down next to Valerie. "We hope you enjoy them. Jonah had to inspect them for you."

"Aw, well thanks guys…"

"Oh you should have been there today! You know Regina? The girl who is always getting on your case? She was trying to one up everyone in the class, but everything she made just came out flat or undercooked!" Valerie sighed and slowly shook her head.

"Well somebody needs to go in there and help her out. I mean, if she wants to cook, she needs all the help she can get."

"You think so?"

"Oh yes, just sitting there and laughing at her wouldn't be right."

"Val, only you would want to go in and help _her_ after all the crap she's given you." Valerie shrugged her shoulders lightly and smiled at them. It was how she was, she couldn't help herself. Jonah tapped his upper lip and raised his eyebrows, for a moment, he believed he saw a glimmer of the true Valerie, and she was beautiful. He was glad to actually see her coming out of her shell a bit more frequently than when he first met her. She might not have known it, but she had come a long way in just one week from the timid, easily frightened, teary eyed girl flinching at every move.

"Well I don't know, Jonah says I should learn to mark my place and not let the past become who I am."

"That is so true. You can be strong and confident, Valerie. Don't let people like Regina get you down."

"Truthfully? She's not the top most person on my mind…" Jonah turned his eyes downward as Valerie opened the container of brownies and reached into them. "I bet everyone at school is saying a bunch of bad stuff about me…"

"Yeah, it's not a good day for you to be there…There were some who were worried." Valerie scoffed and took a bite of the brownie. Her eyes lit up with delight as she pulled the brownie away and grinned. "Those are called Brownie Delight, we actually found the recipe off of all recipes dot com. Do you like them?"

"Oh yes, these are really good." Traci's eyes sparked with joy and pride, she appreciated Valerie's complimenting of her cooking.

"Your cookies the other day were really good too. I know I didn't get a chance to say that. Penny and Sarah said we should have spoken up, but when you ran out and then Jonah went after you, we figured it was for the best that we didn't…should we have?"

"No you're fine."

Jonah felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Viola smiling at him, she motioned her head to the doorway. "Maybe we should let them talk. Let's step outside."

"Okay Mrs. Williams." Jonah stepped behind Viola's wheelchair and grabbed the handles. He pushed her out of the room and next to the couch.

"Valerie told me you were her 'knight' last night." He blushed a deep shade of crimson as Viola gave him a smile. "You've been making her really happy the past few weeks. I've seen her dance around the kitchen, going on and on about Olivia's soccer game or about something you said that made her smile. A lot different than when she's been with that boyfriend of hers. He's been changing her, but now, we're all noticing her slowly, but surely coming out of her shell. Thank you."

"Well…I'm just being her friend." Viola smirked and raised an eyebrow as she stared at him with knowing intensity. He could feel her searching his soul, something that a lot of mothers were able to do. Did she know he liked Valerie? She reached up and pat his hand gently.

"Give it some time, Jonah. It's hard right now, understandably, but you're not doing anything wrong. She'll need to heal from Rodney, and if she ever leaves him, she'll need time…but I think, should you two ever start dating, you'll have all of our support. That includes Victor and Vanessa, and I believe to Valerie, their support is what matters most."

He blushed again and rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. "You know, I'm not thinking of dating her _right now_."

"That's good. As it stands, she's still with Rodney, and no matter how much she doesn't like him or how much he hurts her…she can't do anything that would be cheating. So just continue what you're doing, be her friend first. For the record, you can't hide the way you look at her, and her eyes are radiant whenever she thinks of you. I guess, nobody can explain how the heart works, but something tells me…you have a habit of coming in at just the right time."

"Thank you."

"Did you know, she's happier now that she has more friends? That's the important thing. It's always a pleasure to see that Freddie's even a friend." Jonah smiled kindly and looked up as Freddie walked out of the bedroom, gagging.

"I couldn't take it anymore in there, man! They're talking about makeup and guys! Hell, I think that's what Sam, Carly, and Valerie were doing yesterday after iCarly." Jonah laughed as Freddie narrowed his glare upon him. "What's so funny?"

"You see bro, this is why I say it's a good thing for you to have guy friends. I'm telling you, Sam saved your status."

"Oh shut up. If it weren't for me, I'm positive you wouldn't _have_ any friends. So there!"

"You keep saying that, bro."

They looked towards the bedroom as Valerie slowly walked out with the three girls. Jonah was surprised to see her actually walking, but maybe she decided against being bedridden. Valerie's face was in full blush while Traci and the girls pat her on the back and surrounded her. Curious, he walked up to her and lifted his eyebrows up. "Well. One, are you sure you should be on your feet? Two, what's got you blushing so hard?"

"I'm not blushing, and yes I'm sure it's okay to be on my feet. What? You thought I was going to lay down all the time? Of course not! Besides, I want to show everyone my favorite movie. Sam and I are going to watch it over the weekend…" She moved to a shelf next to the television and pulled out a DVD case. It had a picture of Jennifer Lopez on it. She smiled and showed it off to the girls as they nodded respectively. "This move is called Enough and it deals with one woman's struggle to regain a normal life and escape an abusive husband while protecting her child at the same time. This is my most inspiring movie." Traci tapped her chin and nodded. She gave Valerie a polite look and smiled.

"I never really got into the movie, but I agree that it is very inspiring."

"Vanessa says she wants me to start taking some martial arts classes." Jonah's eyebrows rose and he pictured Valerie performing a roundhouse kick. Somehow, it didn't seem to fit her completely, but if she learned martial arts, she could definitely beat up any guy that tried to harm her. She moved over to Jonah and looked up to his eyes. When her soft eyes met his, he almost melted. "Jonah, I don't know if I've said it, maybe I have, but thank you…thank you for being my friend and thank you for being here for me…"

"I'll continue to do so too."

"Why? I mean…the fact that you care anything about me…"

"There's just something about you that I seem to click well with, I suppose." She smiled and nodded in agreement. She felt the same.

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><p>So what did you think, looks like Valerie's got some friends there at the school. Jonah's got the support of her family, apparently XD. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, stick around for the next<p> 


	19. Sasha

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

A/N:

* * *

><p>Chapter19 (Sasha)<p>

Saturday evening, Spencer had a law book on his bedroom desk and had been reading for a while. While he didn't have to yet, as classes hadn't started up just yet, he felt like it would be a good idea to study beforehand so he could refresh on anything he might have lost track of. Plus, it was good to distract himself from the pains and fears he had after having gone on iCarly. What was he to do when the only thing on his mind was a woman he might never see again? Hell, even T-Bo was worrying about him.

He bit the tip of his pen and leaned back in his chair, contemplating his future as a lawyer. Where did he want to go? Family law, Civil Cases, Criminal Law, or maybe a legal consultant for somebody, all were excellent venues. He had more of an attraction to criminal cases than anything else, though. Maybe in time, he could become a _judge_. "Judge Spencer Shay presiding…Spencer Shay, Attorney at Law!" He got a chill of pleasure when saying those titles. He laughed gleefully and went back to highlighting and making annotations in his book.

He thought on Carly and lifted his head up, she had been acting strange today. Very strange. Whenever she looked at him, she had a creepy grin on her face and looked as if she were cheering on some major fact. He shrugged and put it out of his mind as he stared down at the book. Even though he was ready for classes to begin and he had to book, he was still finding it hard to study. It might have been the whole depression that he had, but maybe not. "Ah geez…"

He leaned back and brought his hands to the back of his head and closed his eyes. He breathed in and detected the smell of lilac for the first time in his room, which he found odd, considering he didn't have any reason to own a lilac scented perfume. He didn't complain, though. It brought to mind an old memory that he loved and cherished. Sometimes, the best thing to do was cherish the good times and not let the bad times bring you down.

The smell of lilac and lavender seemed to draw closer to him, almost putting him into a dreamlike state of mind. He felt someone's gentle touch on his shoulders. A woman's touch. He hummed lightly and tilted his head back as the hands moved down his shoulders and across his chest, wrapping arms around his neck. The woman brought her chin onto his shoulder as he lifted his hand to her arm. Her voice toyed with his eardrums as she remained soft and loving. "Every powerful man needs a woman beside him…"

"Sasha?"

He slowly opened his eyes, snapping back into reality, but the woman was gone. His heart sank and his eyes moved to the book. He had to be going insane, or was he already insane? "I guess…it was just a dream…" It felt so real. Why, why did his mind have to play tricks on him?

He shook his head and started reading aloud a passage in his chapter. Hopefully reading aloud would distract him from his thoughts. "The RCW is the Revised Code of Washington. These laws are passed by the state legislature and can only be changed by passing a bill during a session of legislature. These laws are called _statutes_ or _statutory authority_. The WAC, or Washington Administrative code are rules adopted by a state agency, board or commission. They are the interpretation of the law and can be amended or repealed by…" He sniffed the air and frowned, that pleasant smell of lilac and lavender still clung to the air. Why was this happening to him?

He looked to his book and saw a feminine looking hand reach around him and close the book. His eyebrows rose and he stared at the hand. After a minute, it appeared as it was, a masculine hand that belonged to himself. He groaned and pushed himself from the desk. "Fine, I'm not getting any studying done today. Jesus…"

He turned around and started walking out of his bedroom. His eyes fell to the kitchen counter and he saw a woman with a beautiful tray of steaks. She smiled at him and his eyes widened. He walked over to the counter, but once he got there, she was gone. He screamed in frustration and slammed his fist on the counter. The visions, the scent, it was driving him mad! "You know." His body froze and his eyes widened as his heart took one loud thump and stopped. That time it sounded real, but he couldn't be sure. He perked his ears up as her sweet voice drifted to his ears like honey. "I think having the Judge or Attorney at Law in your title would be very awarding. It sounds powerful."

He slowly turned around and there she was, the heavenly vision, but not a vision. The real thing. She was leaning against the wall, her hands behind her back and fingertips pressing against it. She had one foot on the ground and her left foot up on the wall. Her velvety brown hair framed her face and brushed her bare shoulders. She wore a purple tank top, much like the one she had when they first met, and a pair of denim jeans that stopped just after her knees. Her bright brown eyes shone with joy and her lips were raised in a beautifully seductive smile.

"S-Sasha?" He rubbed his eyes and gasped with disbelief. _She_ was actually _here_? She was actually standing before him? "H-How?" She nodded, her eyes were watering and her chest was rising and falling slowly. Silence surrounded them, only the sound of his soft heartbeat entered the atmosphere around him. He had to know she was real, he had to know this wasn't another trick. He slowly walked towards her, keeping his gaze locked onto hers.

"Let's just say…the power of iCarly?" His eyes widened and his cheeks began to turn a bright red tint. His confidence shot out the door and he winced inwardly, he had thought she wouldn't even watch iCarly.

"Y-You _saw_ that?"

She let out one giggle and pushed herself off the wall, moving towards him. Her hand lifted up to his face and her eyes remained locked onto his. God he missed her touch, her smell, the sound of her voice, everything about her. "I.._never_ stopped loving you, Spencer." She closed her eyes and brought her lips to his, pressing against them with loving passion. Euphoria struck him and he slowly placed his hands on her waist, kissing her back. Their hearts combined and started to beat as one, their bodies relaxed into each other's arms and all that surrounded them vanished away into nothing. What did the world matter? Maybe he could be happy again.

After a minute, Sasha tore her lips from his and eyed him with longing. He swallowed softly and gazed in a nostalgic happiness at her. "I'm so sorry, Sasha. I'm so, so sorry for what I said to you that day."

"It's in the past, Spencer. I thought…when you didn't come after me, I thought you didn't want to be with me. Then you never called, you never…I thought there was something wrong with me."

"No, no you were and you are perfect." She blushed crimson as he started bushing her hair back. "When you left, I…I went through the worst time of my life. I racked up so many bills and-"

"There's beer in your fridge too, did you start drinking?" He winced as she lifted her finger up and shook it. "You didn't start drinking too much, did you?"

"Not so much, just once in a while…"

"Good, you don't need to be spending money on beer. As for the bills, are they paid off?"

"Yeah, I…asked dad or some help."

"I'm proud of you for that. Also, for having the courage to stand up on iCarly and say what you did…" He chuckled nervously and lifted his eyebrows up. Sasha leaned in close and placed her head on his shoulder while he held her waist. He breathed in her beautiful, sweet smelling lilac and lavender perfume. It had always been his favorite perfume that she wore. "As for whether or not I saw it…I wasn't watching iCarly."

"You weren't?"

"Too many memories, Spencer…" He slowly nodded his head and let out a silent sigh of guilt. He hadn't actually thought of all the memories she would be struggling with. "My friend was recording the webshow on the computer, saw you, and told me to watch. And so I did, after a while, and well…here I am. I'm waiting."

"Waiting for…"

"For you to say you want me, for you to say that you love me, for you to say I'm the only girl in this world…I don't know…should I say all that?"

"How do I…" He blinked for a moment, then slowly brought his lips to hers. She gasped into his mouth as he kissed her with passion and fell back on the couch, pulling her with him. She let out a yelp and laughed as her arms flew onto the top of the couch and she kissed him with mad passion. As she lifted her lips up from his, she brought her hand to his face and traced her fingers along his jaw line. "Sasha Everett, I wouldn't trade you for the world, and I mean that. I'd give up anything I had just to be with you."

"I would never ask you to give anything up completely. I don't know why you gave up your art. Your poor bottle robot…"

"Yeah he's missing an arm, but oh well. You're the one that's important to me, and only you. That's never going to change. You were right to think I just stayed out of Law School to spite my dad, I did. Now, I realize it's not about spiting him, it's about making a life…and maybe one day, a family. Is it too late?"

"Too late for what?"

"For that dream…" Her eyes brightened as clear as day and he rubbed her back gently, smoothing over her arch. "The family, the house, is it too late? Is it too late to start over, too late to say I love you more than anything in this world? I saw it then but I was ignorant of it, I took you for granted Sasha…I know that I can't change the past, there's nothing I can do to take back those words I said to you, and I can apologize a million times over…"

"But that would be dwelling." She leaned forward, hovering her nose over his. "I've already forgiven you for that, Spencer. If I didn't, if I didn't still love you, if I didn't want to still be with you…if I didn't still cry myself to sleep every time I went to sleep and woke up to an empty bed…then there is no way I would be here. You are _my_ one and only, nothing and no one could ever come before you." He closed his eyes as her hot breath encompassed his face and blew through his hair like the wind. "Maybe it's time for you to let go of that past, of that guilt and sorrow…maybe it's time for you to make your bed in the present, and maybe…work towards your future?"

"…yeah maybe…learn from the past, but dwelling on it does the exact opposite of production." Where had he been going with the art? Where had he been going with his depressing mistake? He could be dead by now, he could be falling into debt, but he wasn't now. Why? Why not? Was the future not predestined? Was he not predestined for failure? Now he was on his way to success. When he called his father, that cleared up the money issues. He rid himself of his pride, got a job at the smoothie shop and registered for the rest of Law School. Then Carly got him onto iCarly and now Sasha was here. Did the past change? No, it was still the past, but that was just it. Now where could he see himself going? Rather than a cheap studio apartment, alone and miserable, with nothing but art to satisfy while his sister grew up and went onto a successful life, he could see himself in a much more satisfying future. A black suit, black tie, big smirk on his face as he questioned a suspect and won a case, only to return to a large house and a beautiful wife with wonderful children.

Sasha moved to the side of him and cuddled up onto his chest, resting her hand gently upon him and nuzzling herself into his neck. "What are you thinking about, Spencer?"

"I'm thinking…" He was the master of his own fate. He could decide whether he was successful or whether he flopped out in the school of life. Roar, Spencer, roar. "I never want to lose you again."

"It'll take a lot for you to lose me a second time." She reached up and pecked him on the lips. She sighed and rested her head back onto his chest as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

Carly stood at the top of the steps, watching the two with a bright smile. Sasha had called her up Friday to tell her that she would be coming by, that she'd seen Spencer's confession. She was crying for joy inside, but cheering externally. This night just couldn't get any better. Gleefully, she turned around and started heading down the hallway to her room. What else could she use iCarly for?

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><p>Sasha's back! Spencer can be happy now, and what is Carly up to? Hmm. Stick around. Sorry I'm taking so long to update, I'm trying to slow my updates a couple days to give some time for more people to read and enjoy the story.<p> 


	20. True Blood Siblings

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

A/N: "'The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.' —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 20 (True Blood Siblings)<p>

Sam was eating dinner with her family, everyone was talking about their week. It was rare that they sat down at the table and ate, but Freddie was over, so Pam wanted to at least be polite in that respect. Sam knew her sister was still a little sore about her dating Freddie all of a sudden when she had the crush on him in the first place, but Melanie chose not to make an issue of it. "So mom, you actually _cooked_?" Sam was eyeing the plate of chicken puffs and honey glazed pea pods and carrots. She was amazed that her mother actually had the decency to _cook_ a meal when she almost never cooked or even had money to do so

"We have company, Samantha. Your boyfriend's over." Sam blushed and turned her eyes to Freddie, they hadn't actually made it official yet, but she was seriously considering it if he was.

"Funny, you'd cook for him but you won't cook for us. Not to nitpick or anything…" Sam heard Melanie say her name with a bit of a warning tone, nobody wanted to start anything. Freddie lifted his eyebrows up and glanced to the front window where he spotted a car pull up. Within a few minutes, he watched a man with hair that reminded him of a lion's mane and a woman with dark hair and a purple stripe walking up to the door. He could see the man's expression was nervous and a bit fearful. The woman was comforting him. As they got closer, he recognized them easily. He looked to Sam, her plate was already empty. "That was a good meal."

"How the hell did you finish so fast?"

"Simple Freddie, I love to eat." The doorbell rang and Sam glanced up. She was the first one done, so she figured she would be the one to answer. "I'll get that." She rose up and made her way to the door. She opened it and spotted Beck, her eyes grew large, she practically fainted on the spot. "Beck? I didn't think you'd actually come here!" She wasn't sure how to feel, she told him he should come up and he actually thought about doing so. She was elated to see him here.

"Hey there…Can we come in? It's been a rough flight and all."

"Of course, come inside!" Pam and Melanie looked over curiously, but the second Pam's eyes fell onto Beck, she froze. Sam spotted this and let out a small sigh. "I haven't told mom yet…" He lifted his eyebrows and started to proceed to the table. "Mom, Melanie, this is Beck…he's got the same name as his mother. He's about two months older than I am. Melanie, this is our half brother."

"You're kidding…" Sam shook her head and moved her eyes to her mother's frantic eyes that were now starting to water. Melanie was just confused. "I don't understand, how is he our half brother?" Pam, finally recovering, cleared her throat and closed her eyes.

"Girls. Your father…before you were born, we went to celebrate our anniversary up at Niagara Falls. He found this woman and…well, he slept with her. He told me about it, said he'd been drunk." Beck rolled his eyes and folded his arms over, shifting his body weight to the side. "I forgave him and moved on...He left five years later, just left without any word…"

"Great…no wonder…"

Some time later, Sam and Beck were at the work of Gibby's father. Mr. Gibson was a DNA specialist and was willing to perform a sibling check for the two, just to prove and make sure that they were positively siblings. Pam, Jade, Melanie, and Freddie were hanging around a restaurant nearby, they were just going to wait and see what the results would be. Beck and Sam were chatting while waiting for the results, they wanted to know everything they could about the other person. "So basically, dad's a prick?"

"Yeah, I mean…sometimes he's a good guy and sometimes he's just a real asshole. You can never be too sure." Sam raised her eyebrows and leaned back in her chair. She always wondered what her father was like, but she got a taste of that. She felt disgusted for wishing he had been around more often. "Anyway, I've been thinking…I want to move to Seattle."

"Huh?" She lifted her eyes up to him, surprised by the sudden statement. Where would he stay? What would he do? _Why_ would he want to move? "What about Jade? What do you _mean_ move?"

"Jade is already emancipated, she finally got tired of her dad never talking to her and his constant disapproval of everything she says or does. She said if I wanted to move to Seattle, she wanted to come with me…"

"What about all your friends, Beck?" He looked to the side and smacked his lips together.

"Friends…they come and go. Family…I spent seventeen years thinking I _had_ a family, but I realize now…my dad wasn't family. I want to get to know my family. I'll always be able to talk to Andre, Tori, any of them…but can I be honest?"

"Sure…"

"I like Cat, she's fun to hang around. Tori's cool, her sister's crazy but interesting. Robbie is…well, he's Robbie…Andre is my best friend, and probably the only one there that I really bother to hang around with. The others all faded when I found out I had two sisters elsewhere…"

"Maybe you should give it some time to think about." Sam looked up at Pam's voice and saw her looking at Beck with a small smile. Melanie was behind her. Jade and Freddie moved over to their respective dates. Pam moved towards Beck and placed her hand on his shoulder. She looked into his eyes with a certain level of seriousness. "In the end, it'll be your decision, Beck. I think my daughters would love to know more about you, I know they've always kind of wanted a brother. Just remember, this isn't a decision you can make on impulse. I won't mind at all, personally, if you want to become a part of the family. You know, you _are_ a part of the family after all." He smiled at her and slowly nodded in understanding.

"Thank you. I know I've had some time to think about it, but maybe I could use a little more time. I'm going to be sticking around for a few days."

"Remember this too. If you do opt to move up here…yes, we'll help you with a place and the whole moving process, that's not what I want to say…I want to remind you not to leave your friends hanging. Don't just ignore them, don't forget them, don't vanish without a word. That will be the most painful thing you can do to any of them."

"I will be sure to do that…I would never just move without saying goodbye to them."

"Good. I have some very choice words for your father, you know. How he just left."

"Did he ever file for divorce or anything?" She chuckled nervously and Beck's eyebrows rose astonishingly. Sam cupped her mouth and let her eyes widen. "He never filed, did he…"

"No…" Sam figured this also meant he couldn't actually remarry without first being checked, so there was a likely chance that the man never even married his second wife. She felt guilty now for ever even wishing she knew the man, for ever even wanting that man to be around. If he was just going to be a prick about the whole thing, there was no way she wanted to talk to her father!

"So then he's still technically married to you. Huh, the guy really is a bastard…" Maybe there were worse fathers out there, but Sam didn't know of any. She looked to her feet and narrowed her eyes, the bile shot up her throat, burning it. She never wanted to her father, not now. She could care less if he existed or not.

"I'm done worry about him." She slowly stood up and the others looked at her. "I don't care what happens to the asshole, he can rot in a ditch for all I care." How could someone like that just walk away? How could he treat his family, his children, in the way that he did? Did she and Melanie not even matter to him? It made her sick just thinking about that question. "I'm going to see if Mr. Gibson's done with the results yet."

She walked away from the group and made her way to the lab where Gibby's father was working. She knocked on his door and waved at him. "Mr. Gibson, are you almost done in there?"

"Yes actually, I was fixing to come out." She beamed with anticipation and started back to the group, the man followed after her. Beck slowly stood up as the man stopped before him. All eyes fell upon him as he peered down at the report. "In the case of Sam Puckett and Beck Oliver, you two _are_ siblings." Sam jumped for joy and quickly hugged Beck on impulse.

"Yes!" It was a weight off her shoulders, something she'd been seriously hoping for an answer to. Of course this also was a depressing thought, confirming the fact that her father really left to take care of a different family. She pushed him out of her mind and grinned. "That is the best news I've heard all day, I can say that much."

"Yeah really, I've always wanted to be an older brother." He smirked slightly as Sam raised her eyebrow. Was he issuing a challenge? If so, he so wasn't going to win.

"Well don't worry, I fully intend to bug you just as much as a sister should bug a brother."

"Good luck with that, runt." Sam narrowed her eyes as Beck rubbed her head. Everyone else laughed as Sam whined and pushed his hand away.

"Not fair, I'm not a runt."

"You are now, older brother has made it official."

"Damn."

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><p>Beck made it to Seattle, they're reunited. Reunited, and it feels so good. What? It's a good song! XD<p> 


	21. Growing Emotions

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter21(Growing Emotions)<p>

"You guys are spending quite a bit of time together," Freddie stated as he and Jonah walked through an amusement park. Jonah shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes on the Ferris Wheel in the distance. He, Freddie, Sam and Valerie were all enjoying the cool Monday morning of March 28th. There was some sort of faculty meeting at the school, so they had the day off and decided to hang together. They would alternate riding partners every so often, but at least two people would always be together, no one person rode alone. For Valerie, this worked out great, as she simply did not want to be by herself. "I'm not saying that's a bad thing, especially since you two aren't dating or anything, but you know…she is still seeing Rodney."

"I know Freddie, and nothing is going on between us." He knew Freddie was just being concerned, but there was no reason for him to worry. Chances were likely, if she ever did leave Rodney and if they were to ever get together, it would take a while before they actually started dating. "Besides, if anything were to happen, it would be whenever she's ready. I'm not going to hold out high hopes, because, you know we could wind up in the friend zone." The thought of that scared the living hell out of him, but at the same time, if Freddie and Sam were not in the friend zone after knowing each other for all the years that they did, then maybe he shouldn't worry. Freddie laughed and pat Jonah on the shoulder.

"You two? Stuck in the friend zone? Never!" He laughed again and Jonah raised up an eyebrow. "You two are practically romantic with each other as it is."

"We are not." His tone was defensive and questioning, as he didn't think he was being the slight bit romantic with Valerie. "I'm trying to _avoid_ that. I'd really rather not have to deal with the whole 'oh look! He's a cheat' thing again…"

"Are you still going on about that? Dude, that's all over, and besides, you wouldn't be cheating."

"No, but Valerie would if she were dating me while she was with Rodney, and I don't condone that. I'm not going to let her do that to herself."

"Admirable." Freddie tore some of the blue cotton candy in his hand and pushed it in his mouth. "Oh wow, I am telling you, I don't know how they make these things melt in your mouth like this." Jonah moved his eyes over to the center fountain and gripped the railing that surrounded it. It was time to rotate, but the girls were taking a bit of time. "Ten bucks says they're stuck in the fun house." Jonah smirked as he saw Valerie and Sam in the distance buying a couple turkey legs.

"Ten bucks says you're wrong and they'll come with turkey legs. Are you willing to make that wager?"

"That seems rather specific…but sure, why not. I'd say they got caught up on a ride."

"Excellent." He looked over to see where Freddie was looking. As it turned out, he was actually facing the opposite way and leaning back against the railing. "You know, I always seem to win those bets." He looked back to Sam and Valerie, smiling as they walked towards them. Sam was biting her turkey leg while Valerie was waving in the air with the hand not holding a turkey leg. "Oh Freddie, I'd turn around now, if I were you."

"Huh?" He rolled around and dropped his jaw as he stared ahead. Jonah snickered and watched him pull his wallet from his pocket and tear a ten dollar bill out of the item. "Here, you win. Damn it."

"I told you man, I'm in it to win it."

"Oh hush. One of these days, I'm going to get you back."

"Uh huh, I'm sure you will. _After_ I beat you about a million times again on Mortal Kombat of course. I'm just saying." Freddie sighed and glanced to the side as the girls came up to them. He placed his arm around his girlfriend's waist and kissed her. He turned his head to Jonah and smirked.

"You can boast about winning that as much as you want, but when it comes to which of us has a girlfriend first. That'd be me."

"Oh, you _really_ want to make that bet with me, Freddie?"

"Oh yeah. I do." Sam smacked her forehead and Valerie glanced over at her with confusion.

"Val, this might take a while."

"They're always like this, aren't they?"

"Yep. What can you expect, they're like brothers…"

Jonah cleared his throat and brushed his shoulders off. "February 2008, my first girlfriend. It might not have ended well, but either way." Sam rolled her eyes and Valerie gave her a nervous smile. As it turned out, they were going to end up being used in this bet. Freddie smirked and tilted his head.

"Hah, my first girlfriend was back in November of 2007. Three months apart, my brother, but I still had a girlfriend before you." Valerie lifted her eyebrows and lifted her hand cautiously.

"Uh, I'm not sure we actually ever made it official. We might have just dated, did it ever become official? We dated for a week, so does that count?" Freddie turned white and Jonah grinned triumphantly. He knew better than to declare victory before the actual victory, but he was certain that he was about to win by default.

"Did I never ask you to be my girlfriend back then?"

"No. We might have talked about it, but it wasn't official. I was going through a lot back then, so yeah…" Jonah smirked at Freddie and crossed his arms.

"So Freddie, looks like I'm keeping this ten…Hey Val, you ready to go ride the rides?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Okay, let's leave the lovers be. We'll find some good rides." Valerie waved to Sam and Freddie before taking off with Jonah. "Sorry about all that. When Freddie and I get into it, we get into it."

"I can see." She laughed happily and glanced to the side. "Oh my gosh, look at that!"

"What?" He turned his eyes to where she was pointing and saw a giant brown stuffed horse. "You're eyeing the horse?" Her eyes lit up with stars and she quickly nodded her head. He shifted his eyes to the ten dollar bill in his hand, then over at the game stand. It was a classic game of busting the bottles off the table, he could do this. "What do you say I win you that horse?"

"Oh I don't know. Rodney might not like it too much."

"What? A friend getting you a stuffed horse?"

"It isn't _that_, he just doesn't like me hanging with other guys." He lifted his eyes skyward and rolled his shoulders.

"Typical. Well don't think about him, you're with friends, and I'm winning that horse. You know, there's something about a guy's ego and pride that makes it so he has to do this sort of thing at amusement parks. I'll never understand why." Valerie giggled as Jonah approached the game stand. He met the attendant's eyes and slapped the bill onto the counter top. "I'll be going for that horse right there."

The man looked to the horse and nodded, smiling as he placed several balls on the counter for Jonah. "Is this for your girlfriend?" Jonah twitched once and slowly closed his eyes.

"We're not dating…"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed…" He gripped one of the stone type balls and threw it at the pyramid of bottles, but missed by a long shot. He raised his eyebrow and growled as the attendant called it. "That's a miss." Rolling his eyes, but not giving up, he threw another ball and only hit the top bottle off. "That's a miss!" Jonah narrowed his eyes as the attendant started making change for the ten, in the form of several dollar bills. He grasped another ball, aimed and tossed, but only hit about three out of six bottles. "That's a miss." He leaned forward and put his hands on the counter, sighing and staring at the man.

"Must you?"

"Yeah, sorry…it's just protocol."

"Ah, go figure." He felt Valerie rub his back and looked over to see her smiling cheerfully at him. "I'm not giving up Val. I _will_ get this horse."

After about eight more tries, he _finally_ got her the horse, it was such a big moment that he almost jumped up with great enthusiasm. The two of them were now on the Ferris Wheel, Valerie had been allowed to take the horse with her. She clung to it tightly, as though it were the most precious of her possessions. "Thanks for winning this for me, Jonah."

"No problem. It was a cinch."

"Uh huh, that's why it took you ten times." She stuck her tongue out playfully and he let out a wry laugh. He stared out at the clouds in the sky and felt the wind breeze through his hair. He'd really grown it out since 2008, no longer opting to keep it short. He noticed it was becoming more and more like his father's hair, which he wasn't sure if he could say that was a good thing or not.

"Jonah, why are people so hateful?" Her sudden question struck him deep and he slowly shook his head.

"I don't know, Valerie. Maybe it's childhood trauma and the inability to recognize your actions as wrong and to control them."

"Is your dad really cruel?"

"I wouldn't know…" When he was young, his father had those moments when he would just start imagining things, as though he were living through a nightmare while awake. Jonah moved his eyes towards the ground below and watched a family of four walking off into the distance. "Something happened to Dad when he was young. I don't know what, but I know something did because when I was young, he would have these horrible flashbacks…He would think I was the person hurting him, so he would fight back, not realizing he was hitting his own son."

"That's terrible…"

"He stopped when Mom died. That was when he became withdrawn and just hid away from us…"

"Maybe he feels guilty?" Jonah scoffed as the Ferris Wheel started to come to a stop at the very top. Ahead of them was a large body of water, birds were flying over it while ducks were swimming in it. Valerie smiled and looked to Jonah's hand. She pulled her hand to her lap and put her other hand onto her wrist. The wind blew through her hair and brushed lightly in to Jonah's face.

Jonah looked over to Valerie and his heart started to rise in his chest. He wanted to capture this memory, to remember it forever. As he closed his eyes, he turned his head back towards the lake and peered down at the cart in front of them. There was a couple, making out. In the cart behind them, the same thing was happening. Were they the only non couple on this thing? He pulled his lips back and groaned inwardly. Valerie lifted her hand and brushed her hair back as she watched the waves of the water ripple and the grass around the lake roll with the wind.

"It's so beautiful, Jonah." He looked back to her and felt his stomach fill up with a strange feeling. Butterflies. He wanted to caress her, to tell her _she_ was beautiful. He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked back to the lake.

"You're right, it is beautiful. Very beautiful." Rodney should learn not to take her for granted the way he did. He should consider himself lucky to be with someone like Valerie, but instead, he abused her and hid away the very person that she was. Her light was coming back, he could see it, and he was proud. Rodney had not snuffed out her fire just yet. "I know I probably shouldn't ask, but Rodney…has he ever said he loved you?" She raised her eyebrow and shrugged.

"That would imply he has any feelings whatsoever. No, he's never said that, and I don't think he would mean it if he did…"

"I'm sorry that he is the way he is, Valerie. You know you deserve better."

"Yeah, but I'm scared of him. He could severely hurt me if I told him anything like that…"

"He's a coward. Any idea what his home life was like?"

"He lives on his own, has a twin brother that lives with family in LA. I think he was neglected by his family, he has a lot of issues…says when he was younger, he hitchhiked all the way up here and just made a life for himself with the gang and drugs…"

"Wow."

"Yeah, no wonder he's a prick, right? Now I'm afraid that I won't do any better than him, that if I leave him…what guy would want someone who has been so beaten, so battered, so used…who would want to be with me?"

"Probably anyone who knew the real you. I'd say the moment you let yourself show, there would be guys falling at your feet." Jonah smirked as her cheeks started to turn a hint of red. "Any man out there would have to be crazy _not_ to like you."

"You really think so?"

"I know for a fact." He figured he'd let her know just how she was, the things he thought were great about her. "In his last week, I've seen the real you so many times, I've seen the Valerie that your sisters talk about so much. You're attractive, you're smart, you have a witty bone inside of you, you're literally the best cook I've seen yet, and to top it off, you're generous and caring. You're strong willed, that's clearly seen and talked about. You shouldn't snuff those qualities out, Valerie, because those are some of the best things about you." Her lips curled up as she bit her lower lip. Her heart rose to her throat and she pulled her stuffed horse closer. "Any man would be a _fool_ to not think highly of those qualities."

"So…you think Rodney's a fool then?"

"Valerie, I think Rodney is an idiot who doesn't know how to treat women." He prided himself over being blunt, sincere, and to the point. "Then, I can tell you these things a million times, but until you start to believe it about yourself, until you see it in yourself…You have a great heart, Rodney's mistreated that heart of yours, and it's not right."

"Yeah…yeah it isn't…"

"You see that lake out there?" She looked out to the lake and her eyes softened upon it. "The way we're looking at that lake right now, the way we see that as the most _beautiful_ thing to look at, you deserve people looking at you in the same manner. You deserve people telling you how beautiful you are, how great of a personality you have. Also, listen to me, no matter what Rodney could ever do to you, if you believe you're beautiful, if you remain true to your heart, all he can ever do to you is skin deep. What you have…" He lifted his hand and pointed to her heart. Her hand lifted up and rested gently upon her chest. "What you have is inside, your heart. That's the most beautiful thing you can ever have. Inner beauty." Her breath escaped her throat and her eyes began to glaze over. Some day Valerie, you _will_ find a man who appreciates _that_ about you. A man who will love you for who you are, that's what you deserve."

"What I deserve?"

"You deserve all the happiness in the world. We're all entitled to it, Valerie, every single one of us. We _all_ deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be loved, to be treated right. We're all entitled to what our hearts want, don't you think you should be included in that mix?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to be happy, Valerie?"

"More than anything." Jonah rubbed his ear and picked at it once before lowering his hand.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I said I _want_ it, I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy!" Jonah's eyes lit up with pride as he nearly took her hand in his.

"Everyone's entitled to it. Why should you be any different?"

"I need to be strong first…"

"You are strong. You just have to pull in that inner lioness inside of you. Let me hear that roar."

"Roar."

"Very nice, you'll get it though."

"Yeah…Jonah, I have a 'mandatory' date with Rodney tomorrow." His heart thumped to a halt and panic stabbed him. He knew Valerie shouldn't be alone with him or else he might be capable of _anything_. "He wants me over at his house…alone…what do I do?"

"What do you do? Hm…" Jonah looked towards the line for the Ferris Wheel as it neared the stopping point for their cart. He spotted Sam and suddenly an idea sparked for him. "I got it. You won't be alone per say, but Rodney doesn't have to know that…"

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><p>So Jonah's got a plan. Okay, this whole chapter was great to write. Let me know what you thought, like of the Ferris Wheel, of the brotherly bet, and so forth. We all wish Jonah would just tell Valerie what he really thinks and that even he'd love to be with her, but we know that can't happen yet.<p> 


	22. On Guard

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter22(On Guard)<p>

Valerie shook with fear as Rodney walked her inside his house, he had his hand on the small of her back. She knew she hadn't been completely healed from the last attack, she was still taking the medication prescribed by her doctor for the bruised liver, but it was almost healed. She couldn't stand to go through that a second time. She was doing all she could to not cry, to not scream out in fear, but also to not let him think something was up. Sam and Freddie were hiding among the bushes of the house, so the second Valerie gave the warning sign, they'd spring into action. There'd be constant distractions too, if they needed them.

Gibby was working as a pizza delivery guy, so they knew they could use him. Unfortunately, _he_ didn't quite know. Sam and Freddie would watch through the window and keep an eye on Valerie, if at all she seemed distressed and knocked on whatever object she found, two times, then they themselves would start to interrupt. If Rodney grabbed at her, they wouldn't be nice enough to knock on his door. They would run in and pull him away from her. This was all Jonah's plan, he had to make damn sure that all the bases were covered.

She had no choice but to trust and have faith in Jonah's plan. _"Why am I alone with him?"_ She was insane, certain of it. _"Trust Jonah…he wouldn't hurt me, would he? No, of course not, he wouldn't even let Rodney hurt me…Freddie's his best friend, and he's stood up for me, he won't let anything happen. Sam's my friend too, she wouldn't let him touch me. Okay. You're in good hands Valerie."_ She felt the sweat dripping down her neck and quickly looked up to Rodney, swallowing nervously as he moved to the couch. _"What's that thing Jonah always says? Believe? I'm scared, god I'm scared…he's going to kill me."_ Her chest heaved as Rodney motioned for her to come over to him.

"What are you doing over there all by your lonesome self? Come over here, be with the Rod-ster."

"O-Okay…" He was so disgusting, so creepy. She wasn't going to say no to him, though. She slowly moved over to the couch and sat down next to him. Her eyes moved over to the window where she saw the branches of the bush moving about. It was calming to her heart to know that Sam and Freddie were right there.

She froze as she felt Rodney grab her shoulder and pull her against him. If he wanted to cuddle, why couldn't he just ask? "So, it's finally just me and you, huh Val? You know, I really am sorry for what I did a few nights ago. I didn't mean to scare you, but you were just…You were in the wrong, Valerie."

"I know. I'm always in the wrong…" She stared down at her feet and narrowed her eyes. She wasn't always in the wrong, she was right many times. Why would he say that about her? Jonah wouldn't say that, surely not. "So Rodney…Can you tell me a bit more about your family?"

"Like what?"

"Well obviously your last name isn't your real name…You told me once you came here from LA."

"Yeah ran away from my folks when I was eleven. They never even noticed. I don't think my twin noticed either, he always had this thing he carried around with him. Anyway, I had a friend up here who let me stick around until I could live on my own. Now I'm on my own."

"Go figure…you made quite a name for yourself."

"You got that right, babe. Besides, I could never go back to my family, I hate them." At least Jonah and Freddie cared about their families, despite the rough patches here and there. Why was Rodney so different? Why was he so cruel, so rough, so violent? She heard a motorcycle engine outside and looked to the window, Rodney just ignored it. Her eyebrows rose as she spotted Jonah getting off of his Harley and checking on things with Freddie. She knew he would be checking up on her before heading off to work at Walgreens. It was a temporary deal, he wanted to try and get close to a pharmacist to see what he could learn about pharmacology. And of course, he decides to ride his motorcycle to work.

Valerie smiled and closed her eyes as she thought about when he showed off his motorcycle for the first time. She had been so astonished, so impressed by it. It was a genuine, black Harley Davidson motorcycle, beautifully painted and decorated with trims and fiery designs. There had been a bluish red motorcycle, but Jonah told her it belonged to Freddie. When asked how on earth Freddie's mom allowed him to ride a bike, he grinned a handsomely toothy grin and replied with _"She doesn't. He rides in secret, that's why we keep the motorcycle here."_

She breathed in slowly and continued to watch Jonah, studying him closely. She could see his work uniform beneath his leather jacket. He removed his helmet from his head and was holding it under his arm. It was a black helmet with red spikes around the eye area. His wavy brown hair swung with the wind and covered just the tops of his ears. If he grew his hair out any longer, he'd look like Nicolas Cage. Perhaps that was what he was going for.

Within moments, he got back on his motorcycle, took one wistful glance at the window. For a second, Valerie thought his eyes connected with her. He started up his bike and rushed off. Her heart cried out and she slowly turned her gaze away. She'd give anything to be with him rather than Rodney. Her eyes moved over to a gun on a shelf near the wall. Her blood ran cold and a shudder zipped through her, she _hated_ guns. "Hey Valerie, how come you're not very talkative."

"I don't know what to talk about. What do you want to talk about?"'

"Well I don't know, I was thinking maybe…Er, I had something for you." She raised her eyebrow and watched as he stood up and left the room. This might be a good time to get some air in the house. She moved over to the window and slowly opened it, glancing over her shoulder periodically to make sure he wasn't coming in. She leaned out to Sam and Freddie.

"What did Jonah want, guys?" Sam looked up and smiled at her.

"He said if anything goes wrong and we have to get you out of there, we should probably bring you over to Walgreens where he's at."

"That sounds good. Where's Gibby at? Did you guys order the pizza already?"

"Yeah, thirty minutes or it's free." She grinned brightly as Valerie giggled. Her hand flew to her mouth and Sam smirked as Freddie raised his eyebrow. Behind her, she heard approaching footsteps, so she quickly turned around just as Rodney was walking into the room. He lifted his eyebrows and carefully set a wooden box on the table.

"What's with the window, Valerie? Is it that hot in here?"

"Just a tad, I thought I'd open it up and get a breeze in here. What's in the box?"

"We'll get to that." She rubbed her lips against each other as she eyed the box suspiciously. She had a terrible feeling in her gut and wasn't sure if she trusted He walked up to her and she eyed his hand closely. That rough, terrible hand just did not have the same gentleness that Jonah's hand seemed to have. "First, I was hoping to talk to you about another issue. As you know, I turned eighteen a month ago. You're turning eighteen in July, at this time, I want you to live with me."

"Uh…" She already knew this, but lately she'd been seriously thinking against moving in with him. Although, how was she supposed to say she didn't want that without him attacking her? "I'm a bit concerned about that because I was thinking of going to the college that Vanessa's going to, and I wanted to live on the campus." He rubbed his nose and cleared his throat.

"Uh no, we're not doing that. You can go to college and live with me."

"I thought you wanted to discuss it." Why did she just say that? She closed her eyes and sighed. What was wrong with her? She knew not to talk back to him, just say okay and nod her head, lest he strike her down.

"Well yeah, but I'm just telling you what I expect. I wasn't asking for your opinion. You think you matter that much?" Her eyes flashed with pain and her hand shook as she thought of knocking on the windowsill.

_"I matter…I know I matter…"_

"You see, I realize the issue now." He chuckled and shook his head as she looked up to him. "You've started to make friends and now your head's getting filled with crazy thoughts that you should undermine _me_. Let me put it to you this way, Valerie. _I_ am your boyfriend, _I_ am the only person you should listen to. Everyone else is just fodder."

"You're…" _wrong_, she wanted to tell him off. Her muscles tensed as she eyed his ferocious fist. Just thinking about being hit made her sick to her stomach. She listened to the slamming of her heart as Rodney awaited an answer. She thought he might already know what she was thinking, that maybe he was waiting.

"Well?" The doorbell rang aloud and Rodney quickly looked up. "What? I'm not expecting visitors…" He moved to the door and Valerie let out a small whimper as she pressed herself against the wall and slowly sank down. Rodney opened the door and stared with growing curiosity as he saw Gibby suited up in a Pizza Hut outfit and holding a black bag.

"One large pepperoni and sausage pizza with garlic bread sticks and Hersey's dunkers." He looked incredibly bored. Then again, when his family told him he needed to stop iCarly and get a job, he almost couldn't believe it.

"I didn't order anything…"

"No, I have an order for _this_ address, specifically stated that it goes to Rodney. You're Rodney."

"I'm telling you, I didn't order a damn pizza. I'm not paying, but I _will_ take the food." He grinned and quickly took the pizza away.

"Hey!"

"Whatever." He slammed the door and turned around, laughing. "Free pizza babe." Valerie placed her hand on her stomach and pushed swallowed the bile rising up in her throat. She was beginning to feel trapped. She wanted out or she might die. "Anyway, let's get right down to what I want you to do."

"Great…" She lifted her eyes up as Rodney set the food on the coffee table and move over to the wooden box. She put her hand on the windowsill behind her and slowly pulled herself up as he lifted the box. "So. What's in there?"

"Take a look…" He slowly opened and Valerie's eyes went wide as her heart was stricken with panic. What she was staring at were two syringes with a clear fluid, otherwise known as _heroin_. "You're going to take this with me. It'll symbolize our togetherness, Valerie." Her jaw fell and she started shaking her head, snapping her hand quickly on the all.

"N-No! I'm not taking drugs, Rodney."

"Valerie, I'm not giving you an option here." He stepped towards her and her body's flight reaction poured out all the adrenaline as she watched him lift his hand up to grab for her.

"No!" She screamed and started to climb out of the window. Sam and Freddie saw her and quickly started after her. "Help me!" Suddenly she felt his arms around her legs. She let out a painful scream as he grabbed her shoulder and growled.

"What the fuck are you doing, Valerie? Come on!"

"I said _no!_ This was why you wanted me here?" He let out a loud grunt and pulled her inside, making her fly through the air and land on the couch. She moaned and looked up as Rodney started to approach her.

"What did I tell you? Why are you all of a sudden disobedient?"

"Please…Stay away from me!" She lifted her arms up in front of her face as he reared his fist back and narrowed his eyes. She whimpered and waited for a punch that never came. When she opened her eyes, she saw Freddie grabbing Rodney's wrist and Sam in front of her. She had her arms spread out and was growling dangerously into Rodney's eyes.

"No, she said _no_, Rodney. You are _not_ putting _drugs_ inside her body!"

"It's just fuckin' heroin, what the hell's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you!" Sam looked back at Valerie and bumped her head towards the door. "You can go, we're getting you out of here." In a craze, Rodney broke free from Freddie's grasp and backhanded Sam on the face. Valerie's eyes widened with fear and Freddie froze as Sam fell back against the couch.

"Sam!" Valerie shot over to Sam and Freddie snapped. She looked up as Freddie let out a violent roar and tackled Rodney to the ground. Rodney looked up as Freddie reared his fist and started pummeling him multiple times. "Freddie! Freddie it's okay, stop!" Sam sat up and seethed, her chest rose and fell with anger.

"Get off him." Freddie looked up as Sam seethed and grabbed Rodney's shirt, pulling him up and slamming him against the wall. She leaned dangerously close and narrowed her eyes into his while Valerie and Freddie stepped behind her. "Okay you little fucker, is that how you do it? When the girl looks away, you strike her?" She growled and pulled him back, then slammed him forward against the wall again. "I'm pretty damn fucking _sure_ I've kicked your ass at some point of time in junior high, if you don't think I can still do that, then you're wrong. However, I'm not going to, but guess what. If you lay a _finger_ on me, or _her_ again, I _will_ kick your fucking, cowardly, insignificant little ass, you fucking douche!" She then tossed Rodney to the floor, causing him to shout in pain and grab at his knee. "Come on guys, let's go. Sorry you had to see that, Val."

"It's okay…" She was beaming with pride as she followed Sam and Freddie out to the car, she definitely felt safe now. Though seeing Freddie flip out like that bothered her, it wasn't enough to make her afraid of him, because he had a valid reason. As she entered the backseat, she looked ahead and did not glance back at Rodney's place. Even as he ran out of the house, shouting obscenities at her, she just closed her eyes. Freddie glanced back at her as Sam started up her car, ignoring Rodney banging on the window.

"Valerie! You'll get out of that car this instant! Do you hear me? Right now!"

"Hurry up and drive Sam, please…" Her voice cracked as she tensed her body up and looked away from Rodney. Sam nodded and sped off while Freddie dialed Jonah at work. "Freddie. Is Jonah on break?"

"Yeah he should be by now."

"Okay…I don't want to disturb him while he's working."

"Understandable. I don't think he'd care though. I'm sorry you saw me flip out like that, Valerie…I swear I'm not that way when it comes to those I care about."

"Please, just…It's okay…" He nodded as Valerie looked out her side window. A tear fell down her cheek as she tried to quell the fearful quaking of her body. She was away from Rodney for now, that's what was important. She wasn't focused on Freddie as he told Jonah everything that happened, including her reactions, she was just focused on her future and where she was going. She still wasn't sure if she'd be able to leave Rodney or not, but after what he just did to Sam, and trying to get her on drugs, she really was about ready to call it quits. She just needed to see Jonah first above all else.

The scenery passed by her in a haze. Whether it took five minutes or half an hour just to get to Jonah's work, she wasn't sure. All she knew was when she heard Sam say they were there, her door practically flew open and she was _out_ of that car. She turned towards the Walgreens and spotted Jonah standing on the curb of the parking lot, looking over. "Jonah!"

"Valerie." He moved over towards her and she quickly wrapped her arms around him. Tears drenched her cheeks as Jonah held her in his strong arms. She felt more than just safe there, she felt there was nothing in the world that could take her out of his protective hold. As she sobbed, finally letting it all out, Jonah attempted to get her attention. "Hey, Valerie…Valerie, I'm proud of you, okay. You know that? I'm proud of you." She looked into his eyes and furrowed her brow.

"Are you sure? Why…"

"Don't you see, Val? Don't you see now that you _are_ strong and you've had it inside of you the entire time? You stood up to Rodney, Freddie said he even heard you say some things that, well…I was pleased to hear you say! You told him you didn't want to do certain things, told him in not so many words that you didn't want to live with him, and told him you wanted nothing to do with those drugs. You fought him, whether you know it or not Valerie, you fought him. You _are_ strong, you have the capability, you just have to reach into there and pull that part of you out."

She was stunned into silence and looked up as Jonah gazed into her quivering eyes. Strong? She'd been strong? Where did that come from? Thinking back, she did seem to talk back to Rodney, he hadn't reacted, but she did. She did tell him she wanted no part of the drugs. "Wow…"

"Besides that, are you okay?"

"I don't know…" She was in a state of shock, her body was still panicking, and she thought Rodney was going to chase after her. "I'm confused, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do." She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead onto his shoulder while moving her hands up to his shoulders and trembling.

"You could either head back to your family, go hang out with Sam and her brother, hang around here for a few hours until my shift's over, or whatever it is you feel like doing. In the end, that's all that matters."

"What I want to do?"

"Yes."

"That has never mattered…at least…not in Rodney's mind."

"I think we all see how Rodney is."

"No they don't. The kids at school don't, nobody does. It'd be one thing if it were just Rodney that mistreats me, but everyone at school does too. They don't know what I've gone through, what I've dealt with, what I go through…they just think I'm the world's biggest _bitch_…and they tell me all the time, just affirming what Rodney always says."

"Shh, shh…" He rubbed her back gently and whispered softly. "You're not those things, Valerie. What they don't see, they don't know, so naturally they don't understand. It isn't your fault, you're not to blame for all the shit that's been piled onto you." She wiped her eyes and slowly nodded her head. It was hard to wrap her mind around the words he said, but she tried so hard. He had to be telling the truth, he _had_ to.

"Is there someone in there who I can just talk to? Someone not involved in this whole thing…"

"Well, there's a pharmacy tech in there who has a Master's degree in counseling, if you'd like to talk to her."

"Please?"

"Okay, come with me then…" He looked over to Freddie and Sam, who were leaning on the side of the car and watching with smiles on their faces. "You two can do whatever you like, all right? Everything's fine now. Sam walked over and gave Valerie a hug, telling her goodbye and making sure she knew she'd be back over soon enough. Freddie said farewell to Jonah and the couple went on their way as Jonah led Valerie inside to talk to the tech.

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><p>This chapter was tough, what did you think of it?<p> 


	23. Thanks to the Power of iCarly

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 23 (Thanks to the Power of iCarly)

* * *

><p>Jonah walked into the iCarly studio with Freddie, Carly wanted to see him for some reason, it had something to do with today's segment of iCarly. He was ready to let her know that at no means was he going to go on that webshow, but he didn't want to insult her. He actually had just finished talking with Valerie over the phone, she said Vanessa was teaching her some martial arts before returning to college for finals. "Okay, what do you need, Carly?" He was at least tolerating her now, since she had been able to do something good for Spencer with iCarly. "I hope you're not going to ask me to appear on the show, because you know, just because I told you not to cancel it doesn't mean that I want to be on the webshow."<p>

"Oh don't worry Jonah, I'm not going to ask you to be on the webshow." He narrowed his eyes with suspicion, she had a politician's look in her eyes, and was that a silver tongue he detected? "I just want you to stay for the whole thing, got it?" He tilted his head to the left and folded his arms over. "No matter what happens, you have to stay, got that?"

"What do I get out of it if I stay?" That wasn't his biggest question, he wanted to know why there would be anything that might make him leave. If that were the case, then what was this woman planning? She tapped her chin. He watched her closely as she circled him like a shark. He was wondering if Freddie knew anything, but by the looks of his friend, he was as clueless as the next person.

"Something big, it might not benefit _you_, but it will at least benefit someone close to you." He raised his eyebrow and pulled his lips back into a frown as she stopped in front of him. "But if you don't stay for the whole thing, we're going to have a little trouble. So no leaving, no matter what happens, got that?" He lifted his eyes to the ceiling and shrugged. He didn't really care, but if it was that important, then what other choice did he have? It was like she was holding him hostage. "Well, I'll also have the door locked so you can't get out, I've got the key…"

"What the…" His eyebrows shot up as she smirked and held up a key for the door, was she psycho or something? "There's still the elevator up there."

"Oh don't worry, I'm letting Spencer lock it after a certain thing…" _Now_ she was beginning to creep him out. Was she planning some sort of psychotic scheme or what? "See, ever since our little discussion a week ago, you got me thinking." He glanced over to the car seats in the other side of the room where Sam was drinking a bottle of water. She gave him a shrug and propped her heels on top of the car. "I did a little test run with Spencer, I brought back Sasha. I made him _happy_ again, Jonah! I did something _good_ with iCarly. Now, I want to pay back for all the negativity that iCarly's caused."

"Oh boy…"

"I'm going to help by doing a variety of things." He now noticed that Freddie was no longer standing beside him. Rather, as he turned around, his eyes widened when he saw Freddie holding the camera up with an apologetic look in his eyes.

"Hold on, you're _filming_ this right now?"

"Started just a couple seconds ago, right when I began talking about Spencer…That isn't a problem, is it?"

"Problem? No, it _is_ a problem. I didn't ask to be put on iCarly…"

"I realize your pain, but people need to see that you're a good person now, that you've moved on from your past mistake and that Sam has since forgiven you. Not only that, but that Freddie is and has been your best friend since you were ten and he was nine years old. That's eight years of friendship, Jonah!" He looked back at her with trembling arms, watching silently as she walked over to her desk in the studio and started thumbing through the papers that were on the desk. He felt sweat running down his neck as he looked up and started flashing back to the wedgie bounce. His hands flew to his temples and he groaned.

"Oh god my head…you do realize you're not getting a big old confession out of me like you did Spencer, right?" He walked up to one of the two grey chairs in front of Carly's desk and sat down in it. He wasn't a man who consistently showed his emotions, at least not to just anyone. All his life was built over keeping his emotions inside.

"Yes I know, and because of that, you're a very hard driven person. However, you're also a caring and genuine friend, as Freddie, Valerie, and yes…even Sam, can all attest to. _I_ can say that without any problems. You've had a hard life, Jonah. You've dealt with so much, things that nobody even knows because you've never told a single soul. Your life shaped how you became, but yeah, you've risen above the strain. You made a mistake, you've paid for it, but what people don't understand is they're adding strain-"

Sam interrupted for a brief moment with a grin on her face. "If people don't stop messing with him, I'm aware he can take care of himself, then Freddie and I are going to haunt you." Carly cleared her throat and Sam quickly silenced. Jonah leaned back and crossed his arms, then placed his leg over the other.

"Where was I? Anyway…what you don't understand Jonah, sometimes you _should _talk about things. Sometimes it _pays_ to talk, rather than avoid the subject. Avoidance can cause misconceptions." He raised his eyebrows up as the elevator beside began to open. Spencer called up, saying he was locking the elevator now, so nobody could use it. Carly smiled and pointed over. "It's time to talk out your issues, Jonah." Freddie's eyes widened as Jonah slowly looked over to the elevator.

"What?" His jaw fell and he quickly rose to his feet as his eyes fell upon his father. Michael's eyes filled with astonishment at the realization that he'd just been _tricked_. Olivia moved into the room, whistling silently as she stepped next to Freddie. Jonah pointed at Michael and growled. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was told by your friend that she had some important information for me."

"And I do, Mr. Brown…please, have a seat sir." She pointed at her chair and watched as Michael calmly walked to the chair next to Jonah and took his seat. "We will get to the important information in a minute, but first, I want you to talk everything out. I have a couple special guests, but we'll get to them."

"I am _not_ talking to that deadbeat." Michael rolled his eyes as Jonah turned his back to his father and crossed his arms. "We have _nothing_ to talk about. He's made that clear since mom died." His father leaned his arm against the chair and rubbed his left temple, sighing quietly.

"Jonah, do you even know why I stayed away most of the time?"

"I don't know, maybe you felt guilt for screwing up my childhood."

"Actually yes, that's a big part of it." Jonah raised his eyebrow and moved his eyes towards the ground. "How was I supposed to be happy when I would have flashbacks to my past and hit my own child, thinking he was some dangerous person? Tell me that. Your mother was the only one who could bring me to my senses, to end the nightmares, the horrors. When she passed away…There was no one to quell those flashbacks. So I did my best to stay away from you or risk abusing you some more…I never meant to make you _hate_ me." Confusion struck Jonah as he slowly turned around and looked towards his father, what was this about nightmares and horrors?

"Avoidance can do a lot of things. We've never even talked about mom…you know, when she died."

"I will work on that, Jonah. I will be a better father, I can be, if you'll give me a chance. I know I haven't been the best father in the world to you, but I am immensely proud of the man you're becoming."

"I could have used you a few years ago, when I made that big mistake."

"You needed to learn to be tough, and so you became tough. My…" Thinking about talking personal stuff, father and son both slowly turned their heads to the camera. Carly chuckled nervously and smiled politely.

"Okay, while Jonah and his dad talk, please enjoy this picture of various animals swimming in large bodies of water!" Freddie clicked the camera off and Jonah felt a sense of relief, he didn't want to air his past for the entire world, and neither did his father.

"Dad, why did you act the way you did when I was young? What was that all about?"

"Jonah…you know about child slave labor in India, right?" Jonah slowly nodded his head and watched as his father's face fell. The man leaned back and closed his eyes. "When I was a child, just five years of age, I was abducted into this. I've never known my parents, but I can remember small tidbits, such as my father was half Hindu and my grandfather was full." Jonah's eyes widened and he felt his stomach flip. "I was beaten down in so many different ways, there was nothing I could do…I felt my life would end there. Yet I was determined to get out, I fought my way through so much trouble in life, got _into_ a lot of trouble. Then one fateful day, I was able to escape…I escaped to America by stowing away on a boat."

"Dear god…How old were you?"

"Sixteen. I suffered nightmares for so long, endured all sorts of flashbacks. When I met your mother, she helped with this…but as I got older, those flashbacks grew worse and I would lash out. For some unholy reason, I lashed out on you, Jonah. You endured the brunt of all my abuse, and I couldn't stop myself…" Jonah's chest tightened and he slowly closed his hands up. He hated remembering that time. "Your mother passed away and I fell into that depression, so factor that in with the fact that I didn't want to abuse my own son any longer, I withdrew and stayed away. I'd been able to take care of Olivia, she reminds me so much of your mother."

"She's got mom's looks."

"Yeah…When I heard Olivia call me that day when Rodney was at the house, when I saw what they were doing to you two…I flipped." Jonah's eyebrows rose sadly and he felt a cold chill run down his back. So it was his father who scared Rodney away that time? How much damage could he have done? "I couldn't control myself, I even started flashing back, coming in and out of that state."

"Hold on!" Carly winced as Valerie's voice rang out, she had been one of the people who Carly was planning on waiting on introducing in. Jonah looked over with surprise as Valerie ran around the corner. "_Rodney_ hurt you?"

"Valerie…"

"No. What did he do to you?" Jonah moved his eyes to the side and took a deep breath as he returned his gaze to her eyes.

"He brought a couple thugs over and started beating me up, they actually tried to hurt Olivia too…" Valerie gasped and Jonah watched as her fists balled up in tense anger. He knew she was becoming more and more angry with Rodney. While that was a good thing, he didn't want her to get too angry, not angry enough to hurt the man. "Valerie, did Carly invite you over?"

"Yeah…she wants me on iCarly. I don't know what she's got planned right now."

"Yeah…I know the feeling." Jonah eyed the hostess of the show with a frustrated glance and Carly chuckled to herself. He shook his head and looked back to his dad. "Dad, I never knew all these things…it would have been nice. Why would you hide it all?"

"I didn't want you two to judge me, didn't want you thinking I might still be a monster."

"I see…" They still had so much to talk about, so many things they would need to iron through, but maybe with time, that would happen. "Dad, I think it could benefit you to see a counselor, and maybe even take medication if you have to…That way, if you still have problems with your past, you at least have help."

"Yeah, I'm looking into all that."

"Good. Carly, you can turn on the camera now…I think we're done for now."

"Okay," Carly replied with a nod and motioned for Freddie to flip on the camera. When she did so, she smiled and waved while Valerie stared with fear at the object. "Well we've established a connection between father and son! Now my guest here came out a little earlier than anticipated, so let me introduce her…You know her as Valerie Williams." Freddie glanced at the computer screen and groaned as the negative comments started coming. He looked to Sam, who quickly stood up with Jonah. The two of them stepped next to Valerie and stared at the camera with narrow glares.

Jonah was first to point at the screen with a dangerous smirk. "Any of you people decide to do _anything_ to her or say anything to her, my bro Freddie here, Sam, and myself will find you. We _will_ hunt you down, and we _will_ haunt you in your sleep. So think carefully." With that, the negative comments stopped and Carly let out a frustrated growl.

"Okay, okay, let me talk!" She rose to her feet and stared at the camera with a passive expression. "A lot of you have been treating Valerie badly for years now, for a _mistake_ she made. Since then, Freddie's forgiven her, we've _all_ forgiven her…" Valerie swallowed hard as a tear dripped down her cheek. Jonah looked to her and smiled kindly as he rubbed her back. He knew she was out of her element and would be much better if she were doing something she was comfortable with. "I don't know what you at the school have to do with it, but none of you really _know_ her, none of you really even know what she's all about, or the things she goes through."

Sam stepped in front of Carly and folded her arms over. "Let me give you a brief synopsis of my good friend here. What she did three or four years ago, she did because she wanted friends. That's all. She just wanted to have _friends_. Her mother had come home from overseas with the loss of her ability to walk, and they still deal with this today. Valerie was stressed out then, and still is. She has a large family, but a religious family at that. They go to church every Sunday…"

"If you want to see what Valerie's really all about, then come to the back of the school on Saturday around three in the afternoon. We'll be having a bake sale where Chef Valerie will be making _many_ delights." Jonah's eyebrows rose with shock as Valerie's jaw dropped.

"Y-You'd really do that for me, Carly?"

"I need to do this." Carly turned to Valerie and Jonah, giving them a nod of her head. "Both of you especially. When you became involved with iCarly, I feel like I've ruined your lives…The things that have happened to you, _I_ feel responsible for. This is my way…of giving back to you. They don't know what either of you two are all about, and they need to see it!" Jonah and Valerie smiled at her as she turned back to the camera, giving it a serious look. "So _be there_. There _will_ be food, and so much more. Now…there's one more thing I need to do."

"What _else_ could you have in mind?" Jonah asked cautiously, he didn't want any more surprises sprung upon them. She grinned brightly and turned around, brandishing her hand in the air. He caught Valerie's smile and lifted his eyebrows. "You know something, don't you?" She nodded and he chuckled lightly. "Is it good or bad?"

"It's good…"

"Come on out!" Michael stood from the chair and lifted his eyebrows as Jonah walked up to him. The first to round the corner was a twenty year old girl with light brown hair that framed her oval face and landed over her shoulders. Behind her stepped an older woman with sandy brown hair and an hourglass figure. She placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, as a mother would. After her, a man with a full head of grey hair and some mild stubble led a much older man with bald head and white patches of hair around.

"I thought she'd never call for us," The eldest man said with a rapid voice. Carly turned around and acknowledged Mr. Brown with a smile as the young girl gave Jonah a smile.

"Hey cousin." Jonah's face flushed and his jaw dropped in shock. Did this girl just call him her _cousin_? Carly cleared her throat and placed her fingertips onto her desk.

"You see Mr. Brown, when you came to America, you changed your last name. So I looked into the public records around the time you gained your visa. I had Olivia be my little spy for me as well, and somehow, she discovered and confirmed that when you lived in India, your last name had been Dilipa. I searched everywhere in both India and America, posted your adult picture _and_ a picture of you as a young child, which I believe you had in your files, posted them online…The power of iCarly, Mr. Brown. By the power of iCarly, June Dilipa saw your picture and recognized it as the very same picture that her father had in one of his photo albums." Jonah looked to his father and saw a look of pure shock, the most stunned he'd _ever_ seen the man.

"Wow, I thought nothing shocked…okay…just wow…" June moved towards Jonah and moved her hands from behind her back, revealing a scrapbook. "Mom and I started scrapbooking the entire family history. We would come to Uncle Michael, but…we couldn't even confirm whether he was alive or not." She turned around and saw Michael still in a state of silent shock. The older man was looking at his son with pride. "Okay, so the man with the pepper gray hair is my dad. You know him as Uncle Roy. The lady is my mother, or to you, Aunt Christa. Then our grandfather, Ryan…Grandma passed away in 2005."

"So I…at least have one grandparent left, huh?" He smiled at his grandfather and took one more glance at his father, who was finally regaining his composure.

"Roy…dad…after all these years?" Roy and Ryan moved over to him with smiling faces, it was not impossible to recognize him at all. "I can't believe…" Roy had been three years older than Michael. "Roy, you've definitely grown a lot since I saw you last…What about our brother, Kiran?" Roy frowned and Ryan closed his eyes mournfully. Kiran was their youngest brother, born in 1966. He had curly brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"Michael, Kiran had been taken as well into the slave labor camps, he was five also." Michael's eyes widened as Roy crossed his arms and stared painfully at the floor. "He was eight years old when they fished his body out of a lake…"

"No…that can't be…"

"We left for America after that, it was 1975." That was four years before Michael's escape from the camps, so it was no wonder at all that he could never find his family. "Mom went to her grave believing you were still out here…" Michael's eyes started watering as Jonah, June, and Valerie walked to them.

Carly smirked triumphantly and winked at the camera, it was another job well done for her. She'd used iCarly for yet _another_ positive thing, so she was ecstatic. The family had a _lot_ of catching up to do, but they would be forever grateful to Carly and iCarly for having been the determining factor for reuniting them. Now, she was starting to see the positives and her guilt was going away, but she was not done yet.

* * *

><p>So, Carly went and found Michael's family and is planning a bake sale for Valerie. Things may be looking up. Who knows. The next chapter is going to be <em>really<em> interesting. Stick around. Oh, and let me know what you thought of the stuff that happened this chapter ^_^


	24. Finding Her Voice

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter 24(Finding Her Voice)

* * *

><p>"Sam, how are the manicotti's?" Valerie asked as she rushed over to the Italian booth, the largest station. Since her family was Italian, with her grandfather being full Italian, it was her favorite and best type of food to prepare. The whole of Friday at her house had been spent knee deep in dishes. Everyone in the family was helping to prepare, Sam even brought Beck and Jade. Now they were behind the school and iCarly was busy filming everything. She was live on iCarly and she wasn't the slight bit nervous about it, for she was more concerned about the food being treated properly and taken care of.<p>

"Manicotti's are delicious, but I promise you Val, that I'm not eating them all." Sam smiled innocently and Valerie laughed. She checked off all the Italian food they'd prepared, from the Italian pastries to the Italian dishes. Sam and Jade were in charge of that particular booth. She had foods from all over, anything she could think of. As she walked towards the veggie table, she smiled at her sister Vanessa, who helped prepare a variety of _awesome_ salads. She was no vegetarian, but she definitely believed in eating healthy for the body.

Victoria and Vixen were in charge of the sweet shop, where they had a few cakes and other delicious items. Over at the Mongolian section, Veronica tapped her foot and rubbed the back of her neck. Michael and his family manned the Indian and African foods. Though currently, Michael and Valerie's dad were chatting up a storm and becoming fast friends. Valerie was certain she heard her dad offer him a job! Viola moved around with her father in law, Valentine. They were going to catch up with his wife, Vala. Currently, there had to be hundreds of guests, so Valerie was working as fast and hard as she could. The three girls in her cooking class were there for support as well, Traci was a fan of the Italian food already, so she opted to hang out there.

Valerie made her way to Jonah's table and grinned as she held her hands together at her waist. "I'm so excited!" Was there nothing that could bring her down?

"As you should be, this is your big day Valerie." She smiled and brushed her hair behind her ear. Elation couldn't come close to explaining how great it was to have this many people here for _her_.

"I thought nobody would care about my cooking. You know…how Rodney always said it was crap."

"Yeah, well try not to think about _him_ today."

"Valerie." Valerie hesitated and glanced back to see Regina, the voluptuous redhead in her cooking class that hated her with a passion. What was she doing there? "I'm just here to see this fail miserably, you know. Nobody likes you. Not after what you did to Freddie." Valerie pressed her lips together and Jonah slowly shook his head. It didn't matter what Regina did, everything, and that meant _everything_ was being recorded on camera. Valerie cleared her throat and stepped behind Regina, scaring the girl.

"This is just a small example of what Valerie deals with every day at school, but despite this, she _still_ manages to try and be kind to everyone. Regina, maybe you can tell the people at home why it is you treat Valerie so cruelly, even when everyone involved in the past has actually _forgiven_ and _forgotten_ her past grievances?" Regina gasped and placed her hand to her chest as Carly leaned in closer. "Would you _please_ step away from my friend before I decide to diplomatically turn your entire life around…watch how you can go from highly popular girl to _nothing_ in a matter of seconds. Don't believe me?"

"Okay, okay, I get it! Just leave me alone…Geez." She threw her hands up in the air and started walking away. "It isn't _my_ fault. Besides, if she doesn't have some drama in her life, then she's not got a life at all."

"Believe me, she has plenty of drama, no need for more." Regina stopped walking and spun around, raising her eyebrow suspiciously.

"Oh yeah? And exactly _what _'drama' is that? So she's got a big family, so she has a mother who lost the ability to walk, so _what_? These are all things you can work on, nothing to dwell upon. You sound like there's some sort of big tragedy or something that caused all the crap. Well there's _not_."

"None that you would know, anyway."

"Be real, come on…So Freddie's friends with her now and Sam is to, evidently so are you, does that mean that you're going to make us change our opinion of her? Maybe, maybe not, I wouldn't rely on a bake sale." Traci and her two friends stepped up to the plate and tapped Regina on the shoulder.

"It isn't just a bake sale, this is a chance to get to know Valerie for who she really is, something that nobody in the whole school's taken the chance to do! I think you'd be surprised."

"Please, it isn't like I don't already know she's nice and all, she's constantly trying to be generous and helpful. Of course she's not like she was three years ago, why would she be?"

"Then _why_ do you treat her like dirt?"

"I don't know, I just do, all right? That's how I am, _who_ I am. There's no question of the fact. Anyway, you want to know why people don't like her? She's so easy to pick on, she doesn't stand up for herself anymore, nobody knows _why_ she doesn't stand up for herself but-"

"Okay enough." Valerie was shaking with anger, she was trying her hardest to be civilized and not argue. Yet, Regina just kept pushing and pushing. "I'm not a bad person, at least I don't want to be…I have things that happen, things that hurt, and I try to get past them." She closed her hands up and felt the tears coming, thinking fast, she pushed them back down. She hated to cry, she honestly wanted to be stronger. "What happened, Regina? We used to be such great friends…"

"Yeah, when we were like…twelve…" She turned around and spotted Viola and Valentine, her eyebrows rose in shock and she quickly glanced over her shoulder at Valerie. "Val…what happened to your mom? Why's she in a wheelchair?" Valerie's heart clenched as she closed her eyes and crossed her arms over.

"She came home from overseas a few years ago. A sniper hit her on her last day, punctured something and now she can't walk. Ever since, Dad's been working harder at his job in order to bring in all the money he can for doctor appointments, to pay for five daughters, while also trying to be a family man. It's only through luck that dad's even at this bake sale…"

"Oh my god...I didn't know you were going through that…"

"Regina, there is a lot you don't know. I've been dealing with the kids at school bashing me ever since that incident on iCarly. Do you _know_ how much that television hurt? Do you know how much it hurts when you tell me I probably should have _died_ from that?"

"Val, it's…" She could see a flash of guilt in Regina's eyes, but surely it wouldn't mean much to this girl. She turned to Jonah and he smiled proudly at her. Was there something to be proud of? She was standing up to one of her top tormenters, so maybe there _was_ something to be proud of.

"I _am_ strong, I am _powerful_, but most of all…" Jonah's grin grew as he whispered out the final end to the quote. She followed it with certainty. "No one can control my fate but-"

"Valerie!" She froze as his voice rang aloud over the crowd of people, silencing everyone with his roar. How was she supposed to roar any louder than that? She turned around, her eyes wide as saucers as everyone in the bake sale looked at her. Regina saw the fear in her eyes and parted her lips in confusion.

"Who's that?"

"My…" Her voice cracked into a whimper as her hands began to shake. "Boyfriend…" All eyes then turned to the parking lot where Rodney stood with a deathly pose and a violent look upon his face. His eyes were bloodshot, veins were popping out of his neck, and he wasn't caring about being in a public place. As he started to approach Valerie, she leaned back against the table. Regina stared at her with growing concern.

"What are you doing? You're _afraid_ of him?"

"Regina." Her breathing and voice were quivering just as badly as her body. She knew he might show up, she was afraid of this. She hadn't seen him since he tried to shoot her up with heroin. "You want to know so badly what I've been dealing with…alongside everyone's taunts at school? The abuse I suffered at school just mimics the physical and emotional abuse I've received from him for the past two or three years…"

"What?"

"Valerie, what the _hell_ are you doing?" He stepped in front of her and she winced as his words pounded into her. "Why haven't you answered any of my calls? Why the fuck have you been avoiding me? What is your problem!"

"I'm sorry!" Regina's jaw dropped as she watched Valerie throw her rams up. "Not here Rodney, please…_please_ not here…"

"I really don't give a shit about what you're doing here, or about all these people, or about the shit that you call _food_. You think anyone's going to give a damn about you? Fuck no! When are you going to realize, _nobody gives a shit about you!"_ She fell to her knees, winded by his words. Her eyes started to become dull and were at risk of becoming devoid of emotion. Soon enough, she would be completely gone. That girl who she was, that was her past. "Nobody sees the _sweet_ little _Valerie_, they just see you as a bitch, and that's all you are!"

"N-No…"

"Now you're coming with me, you got that?" Comments and replies began coming onto Carly's laptop. She read them quickly and saw people beginning to sympathize with Valerie, surprised that she'd been dealing with this guy, that they were all chumps, and even that they wanted to wring this guy's neck. "I don't know why the fuck you've been avoiding me this week, but I'm not allowing it." He grabbed her wrist tightly and she whimpered as he started to yank her forward. Several people gasped as he released Valerie and let her fall onto the ground. Regina quickly rushed over to Valerie's side and looked up with wide eyes as Rodney glared down at her. "Hey bitch, get away from my girlfriend."

Valerie coughed and slowly pushed herself up. She saw two legs in front of her and her eyes widened as she looked up and saw Jonah. He was protecting her. "How about _you_ get away from her, asshole!" He pushed Rodney back and Valerie watched as Carly moved next to him, then Sam, and even Freddie. Her entire family moved behind her and glared at Rodney violently.

"Back off me, Jonah…" She watched as Rodney slammed his fist into Jonah's chest. Her hand flew to her mouth, she expected him to fall from that blow, but he didn't. Though, what happened next surprised her. Regina slowly stood up, seeing and feeling how badly Valerie was shaking, she turned around and stepped next to Jonah and the others.

"So I misjudged Valerie. She's a good person, _you're_ the asshole!" Rodney raised his eyebrow and stared at Regina as she poked his chest. "How _dare_ you abuse her! We wondered why she missed school that day and was at the hospital, I can't _believe_ it was _you_ who put her there!" Traci and her friends moved in way and surrounded Rodney, scowling at him with fiery glares.

"Well it wouldn't have worked if she didn't have a weak, low self esteem thanks to _all of you!_ You all made it possible, Regina." She gasped as Rodney spread his arms out and laughed. Once he stopped his laughing, he began pointing at random students one by one. "You, and you, and you, every last _one_ of you who beat her down, agonized her, cursed her out as though it's all you know. You did the same thing to Jonah, you do it to whoever the hell you feel like without giving a fuck about what they might be going through. Thanks to your persistent, snotty little stuck up bitch modes, you gave my girlfriend a low self esteem, and so I could use whatever I wanted to get that little bitch to be submissive."

"You bastard!" Regina slapped Rodney clear across the face and he let out a dangerous shout. He grabbed her wrist and narrowed his eyes.

"You're _in_ my _way_. I would like to get through to my girlfriend please."

"Fuck no! You have to go through _me_ first!"

"Fine…" Traci snapped her fingers and pointed to Jonah and the others.

"Something tells me though them as well, along with her family. Oh and…" She smirked and crossed her arms as every student and teacher from the school started to surround Rodney and the group. "All of us, too."

Valerie slowly climbed to her knees, staring in shock as all of her former tormenters were standing to protect her. Her heart lifted up and she slowly moved her eyes to Jonah, who glanced back at her with a soft smile. He held his hand out to her, palm up, and she eyed it carefully. "You're not alone, Valerie. Look around, everyone's here for you, and now they're standing for you…need some help up?"

"T-Thank you…" She placed her hand in his and let him pull her up. Sweat dripped down her neck as she eyed the circle of students glaring at Rodney, threatening him, challenging him. Carly's computer was beeping continually from one of the tables, so she glanced at it and saw the comments flashing.

_"Get that bastard out of there!"_

_ "No more Rodney!"_

_ "I can't believe I thought _Valerie_ was bad."_

_ "She's going through so much pain."_

_ "Tell her I said I'm sorry for judging her all this time."_

_ "We should have forgiven her when iCarly did!"_

_ "Valerie, you're not pathetic!"_

_ "She's not alone, we'll all stand behind her!" _

These comments were just a few of the many that were beginning to build her up. She had been filled with so much disbelief, so much shock and pain, but what was she doing now? She couldn't let Rodney win. Now every student at Ridgeway felt used by him, because he used their insults. Her eyes landed once more upon Jonah as she remembered their conversation in the hospital, his words affected her the most.

_"You can't change the past, Val, nobody can, but the future is always changing. If you want to be free, let go of the past. Say you won't allow it to control you anymore, and once you do that, you regain your true self."_

"I am strong…" She closed her hands up, remembering how badly Rodney mistreated her over the years, and even those she cared about. He attacked Sam, he attacked _Jonah_, even _Olivia_. Anger spiraled inside of her as she closed her eyes. The old her wouldn't have _ever_ let that happen. If she'd been abused, she would have kicked him to the curb. If her boyfriend hit someone close to her, he would have been gone. What was different now? "I was strong then, but, I am strong…"

_"No, too small Val. Let me hear it." Jonah rose up and cracked his neck to the side while puffing his chest out. "Shout it loudly, shout it proudly: I AM STRONG! I AM POWERFUL! NOBODY CONTROLS ME, BUT ME!" His eyes feel upon her with love and concern. "When you start believing that, nobody can take it from you. Now with more conviction, roar. Let's hear you _roar_. You are your own person." _

"I am strong. I am powerful. I control my own fate…" She hid that person away when she thought she was alone in the world, she hated who she had become, but she couldn't let people see the side of her that wasn't insecure, that wasn't afraid. Now, everyone that caused her to hide away was standing at her side, protecting her from Rodney. If there was any time to step up, it was now. Rodney wouldn't _dare_ do anything to her while they were all there.

_"That was more like a purr. More conviction, Val, let it out. Show who you really are, that strong and independent woman that you hide inside, that Rodney forced into submission. Let her out! You _are_ strong, you _are_ powerful, you _are_ beautiful, and you _are in control_. Let's hear it. ROAR!"_

She breathed out as Rodney rose his voice amongst the commotion of people telling him to leave and chanting him to get out of there. "She is _still_ my girlfriend you motherfuckers! So back the fuck off! If you don't think I'll kick each and every one of your asses-"

_Jennifer Lopez, AKA Slim escaped. She saw that she was strong inside, and that strength overpowered her abusive husband. She'd had enough._

_ Find that inner strength._

Rodney continued cussing out the people standing in front of her while everyone else shouted back in return, she couldn't think with all that commotion. She turned her eyes to her older sister and recalled words Vanessa spoke to her a few days ago while showing her some martial arts moves.

_"You're not an object, you're not a possession, and you are definitely not a punching bag. You're independent, you can stand, so show him that. Show him that you can stand."_

_ You are independent._

_ You are strong._

_ You can stand._

_ Find your inner voice and let her out._

_Jonah flashed a smirk on his handsomely framed face as she looked up from the hospital bed. His lips moved slowly and he issued some strong standing advice for her to hear. "Roar." _

Her body tensed as she lifted tilted her head back and screamed out, roaring above everyone and everything. "Enough!" Her shout silenced the crowd and struck fear into Rodney's heart as he eyed her closely. Jonah looked back at her with a smile of awe and pride. She locked eyes with Rodney and narrowed her gaze as she began moving towards him. "Rodney, I'm going to tell you something I've been meaning to tell you for at least a year now. We're _through!_ It's _over!_" He closed his eyes and chuckled softly.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I _know_ you heard me! I don't know why I ever even thought to date you, maybe because I actually thought you were a good person when we first met. You kicked me when I was down and vulnerable, you've ridiculed my family, you've attacked my friends, and to top it all off, you've physically abused me for so long…well, enough is enough. I won't take it anymore!"

"Heh, no, you are _not_ breaking up with me. You're just under a lot of stress right now, I understand." He placed her hand upon her shoulder and she quickly beat it off.

"Don't touch me! You have no right to lay a finger on me! I'm stronger than you are, Rodney. I'm more powerful than you are, because I'm not a coward like you. I would _never_ treat anyone the way you do. I'm not weak, you made me weak, but I'm not weak. I'm strong, I'm powerful, I'm independent, and I am _not_ your possession!"

"Why, you little bitch! Who's been feeding you with all this? We're going to have to have a ta-" She lifted her hand and swiftly brought it against his face. A loud smacking sound erupted and echoed through the air as Rodney's eyes flashed pain and anger.

"You have no right to talk to me that way. I'm not going to live in fear of you anymore, I am _not_ that type of woman. I have three little sisters that I have to take care of, Rodney! _Three_, Veronica can't drive on her own, you know!"

"Come on, what do you care-"

"My sisters! My family is and has _always been_ the most important connection I've had. My dad can't always be here and my mom still suffers from the depression of having lost her ability to walk. When Vanessa left for college, she told me _I_ was the one who had to be strong for the family now. _Me,_ she gave _me_ that order, and I was supposed to fulfill that. You tried to take away who I was, tried to snuff out who I really was, but you know what? She's still inside."

"Now I know you're just talking bull-"

"Did I ask your opinion?"

"Excuse me, did you just _interrupt_ me?"

"Raise your hand to me, Rodney. Go on. Raise your hand." Rodney arched his eyebrow as Valerie crossed her arms and growled. She hoped she was getting through to him, letting him know that she didn't care a thing for him anymore. "I'm not getting pulled around by you any longer, so if you're going to raise your fist to me, attempt to put me back in that hospital…go for it, but I guarantee this: Jonah, Freddie, Sam, everyone here right now, will go after you before you can even lift a finger." His hand twitched and he took a slight step away from her. "You see Rodney, when I went after iCarly all those years ago…Mom had just gotten back and I was desperate for friends. I would do _anything_, even go so far as to split up iCarly, just to have _someone_ to talk to that wasn't my own family. So I screwed up, I made a mistake, and I've been paying for it ever since. Though, you know what? I have friends now, I have people who are willing to give me a second chance, people who are willing to stand up for me…"

"Okay…"

"Your friends are what build you up, Rodney. They're what give you strength. I learned that from Jonah and Sam. They've been my friends, as have Carly and even _Freddie_ himself. They took a chance, and I let myself out of my shell when I was with them, and they appreciated that, so now…I'm going to come out of my shell for _you_, no more hiding in fear. I'm going to be the person I truly am. I'm going to roar. I'm not taking it anymore, it's _over, _Rodney! I am not your girlfriend!"

He lifted his fist up to strike her, but she remained standing. A hint of fear flashed before her eyes, but she opted to take the blow. "You fucking little cu-Hey!" Someone grabbed his wrist and he looked over to see Beck, Jonah, and Freddie standing in his way. Beck was holding his wrist, Freddie his other arm, and Jonah was in between him and Valerie.

Beck tapped his chin and smirked. "Hey you know something? You look almost exactly like this guy I know from LA." He growled lightly and flicked his eyes over as Carly and Sam walked up to him.

"He should, Beck." Carly wagged her eyebrows and grinned brightly. "His real name is Rodney _Shapiro_. Maybe that's why your friend is always carrying that puppet, his brother ran away to Seattle." Rodney growled as Beck chuckled once.

"Odd, because Rex _does_ sound a little like Rodney, now that you mention it."

"It's a psychological thing, your friend is probably trying to fill the void left over by his own twin brother." Valerie cupped her hand over her mouth, covering her smile as she took a step back and eyed her, now _ex_, boyfriend with a look of pity. "You know Rodney, I've been meaning to say. Smile, you're on candid camera, viewers all over the world are watching you right now." Rodney's eyes widened as he spotted the camera that some student was holding, he was beginning to panic now. It did _not_ feel good to know everyone knew how he was or who he was. "I don't like to be the reason people's lives are ruined. I _hate_ causing negative things, but I think…this isn't a negative. After all, women will know what you're like now, so nobody will ever have to suffer your abuse again. Sure, _your_ life's probably going to be ruined now, but I think you brought that upon yourself by your actions and attitude. You're not welcome here Rodney, you should leave now."

"Wait, I have one more thing to say to him!" Valerie moved up to him and stared into his eyes, almost challenging him. Her eyes softened and she felt her confidence rise up inside of her. "I want you to know that I don't _hate_ you, I've been raised to never hate anyone, but I don't _like_ you either. I'm not going to judge you, it isn't my place. I'm not going to let you rule my mind anymore, Rodney. I just want you to know that. I'm going to _try_ to move on with my life, try to forget all the trauma you've caused me…but never, I will _never_ let you back in." Rodney let out a grunt and pulled himself from the ones who held onto him. He lowered his arms and bore his eyes into hers.

"Is that it? You have nothing else to say to me? You think your friends really care about you?"

"No." She closed her eyes and slowly breathed out. He waited as she opened them into narrow slits. "I _know_ they care about me. Otherwise, they'd let you attack me. So please leave, I don't want anything more to do with you."

"You're going to regret this."

"Whatever." He let out an angry growl and turned away from her. His fist shook angrily and he took off. Valerie slowly lowered her arms as it finally dawned on her what just happened. She'd _just_ broken up with him? "How did I…" She was speechless as the crowd started to cheer, but those cheers fell to deaf ears. Did she really just let herself come out? Why? How? She saw Jonah turn to her with that strange look in his eyes again. He was her biggest supporter and she was eternally grateful to have him around. "Jonah, I…"

"You did it Valerie, and can I just say, that was one hell of a roar." She swooned forward and caught herself before toppling over. Jonah actually caught her and chuckled as he rubbed her back. "I think I can speak for everyone here when I say, I'm proud. Once again, you've shown yourself to be strong."

"I don't even know what just happened…"

"You were true to yourself. Now come on, let's get the rest of this party going. I'm sure people are getting hungry and the food shouldn't become cold before they get the chance."

"Y-Yeah." Her eyes sparkled into his eyes and she slowly moved her arms around him, hugging him tightly. His cheeks turned deep red as she rested her head on his chest. "Thank you for being there for me, Jonah." His smile grew and he lowered his voice and bowed his head, positioning his lips beside her ear.

"Don't sweat it, you know I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you."

The rest of the bake sale went off without a hitch, Rodney didn't dare show his face there again for the rest of the day. Valerie was pleasantly surprised with how many people were coming to her for tips on cooking and asking her if she wanted to hang out. Even Regina was with her for most of the rest of the day, sometimes competing with Traci for assisting Valerie. She could only smile at them, because at the end of the day, it would still be _Sam_ who would be her assistant at the bake sale and still her best friend. She was glad to be friends again with Regina.

Freddie and Jonah would constantly bet which of the food stands they were at would get more people eating, then when they lost that bet, they would counter with another. Her family had told her as well just how proud of her they were for being strong and standing up to Rodney, something she never could have done if she hadn't been at that bake sale today.

Carly was still reporting to the viewers of iCarly on just about _everything_ going down at the sale. This included the food products and utensils, all the way up to Rodney himself. When Valerie found her, she gave her a hug and wiped her eyes. "Carly, thank you…"

"For what?"

"For today…for everything…This is the best day I've had in a long time, and it's all thanks to you." Carly smirked and thrust her chest forward with pride.

"Power of iCarly, you know." The girls laughed for a minute, then Carly subdued and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Jonah's right though. In reality, it was all you. I just provided the time and place…You stood your ground when Rodney came up, didn't back down, and I think people definitely respect you for that. I'll gladly take your thanks, but remember, you're the one that made it all happen." She smiled brightly as Carly hugged her and went on to another area of the bake sale. She looked off to the parking lot and up to the sky as the warm sun shined down on her. Tomorrow would no longer be bleak, maybe. No. Tomorrow was a new day for her. She still worried that Rodney would come after her, but now that she knew she could stand up, she would no longer let him hurt her.

In her mind, a peaceful, beautiful song played in her head. One she knew well, she'd heard often, and it was an anthem to battered women everywhere. _Alive_, by Jennifer Lopez, and it brought a perfect feeling to her heart.

She moved eyes over to Jonah, who was laughing with Freddie and Sam while Carly was pointing her camera to some food on the table next to them. Jonah looked over at her, a gleam in his eye. Her heart pounded in her chest as Sam looked over and motioned with Jonah for her to come on over and hang with them. With tears in her eyes, she ran up to them. Carly started working on the laptop and let out a loud gasp.

"Oh my god, Valerie! You'll never believe who wants to talk to you on the webcam!"

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed this! I loved this chapter, was very proud of Valerie ^_^. What did you think of it all? Everyone standing up for her, her rising up and telling Rodney off. Love it, hate it, penny for your thoughts?<p>

Oh, and as a bit of a freebie, I will include those lyrics to that song _Alive_, which is pretty much said to be an anthem for battered women. It's a _very_ beautiful song, so I've included the youtube link, just take the spaces out.

Alive Lyrics  
>Jennifer Lopez<p>

http : / www . youtube . com / watch?v=KE-JQVrBCTM

_Time… goes… slowly now… in my life  
>Fear… no more…<br>A word I'm not sure…_

Searching for your soul  
>Strength to stand alone<br>The power of not know  
>And letting go<p>

I guess I found my way  
>Simple when it's right<br>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight  
>And happy just to be me and be ALIVE<p>

Love... in and out…  
>In my... in my heart…<br>And though life can be strange  
>I can't be afraid<p>

Searching for your soul  
>Strength to stand alone<br>The power of not know  
>And letting go<p>

I guess I found my way  
>Simple when it's right<br>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight  
>And happy just to be me and be ALIVE<p>

I guess I found my way  
>Simple when it's right<br>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight  
>And happy just to be me and be ALIVE<br>The power of not knowing and letting go

I guess I've found my way it's simple when it's right  
>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight<br>and happy just to be me and be alive  
>I guess I've found my way it's simple<br>when its right feeling lucky just to be here tonight and  
>happy just to be me and to be alive.<p> 


	25. Meeting her Idol

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 25 (Meeting her Idol)<p>

Valerie turned to the webcam and parted her lips in shock, on the other end of the webcam was her inspiration, her hero, Jennifer Lopez herself. She cupped her hand over her mouth and looked to Carly. Jonah peered over and raised his eyebrows. "Oh my god, you're…you're…You called me?"

"Well actually, your friend called me up." The actress waved happily at the screen and leaned back in what looked like a brown reclining chair. Valerie lifted her head up and turned her eyes curiously to Carly, that girl seemed to be a miracle worker lately. Carly's face shifted to confusion and she slowly shook her head, as if to say she wasn't the one that called her. "Must have been pretty determined to get through to me, he called himself 'Joe' and said that I was an inspiration to you." Joe? _Joe_? As in the name of the man in the movie, the good man that Slim ended up with? But who would use that alias? "I was informed you were having a bake sale, so I decided to see this webshow thing and learn a little more about you. I was very interested in what I saw."

"Wow, I…I don't know what to say. Yeah, _Enough_ is my favorite movie of all time, I have probably watched it every single day for the past, I don't know how many years." She was trying desperately not to look like a crazy fan and to not freak out, but it was too difficult. "So someone calling himself _Joe_ called you and asked you to contact me?"

"Yes. He said he watched the movie a couple times, thought it was a great inspiration and that you would love to talk to me if you got the chance." How one earth was this possible? She was dreaming, she had to be dreaming. Her mood was elevated and she quickly turned her eyes to Jonah, who was standing back with a small smile on his face.

"I can't imagine you would have done that for just anyone."

"I'm a busy person, but he explained that you were in a similar situation." Valerie slowly nodded her head and breathed in, she didn't care that the woman knew about the situation, hell, it was her hero! "When I was told that, I thought I'd check you out and he said you were having a bake sale."

"It's an honor to be talking to you right now…" She looked back at Jonah again, she was suspecting him of being the one who got a hold of the actress. He grinned and leaned his elbow onto Freddie's shoulder while Freddie wrapped his arm around Sam's waist. "I have an idea who 'Joe' might be…" She turned her head back to Jennifer and once more felt the butterflies in her stomach. "So, you saw everything that happened?"

"From the very beginning, yes. I was amazed at how bravely you stood up to your boyfriend. Or should I say, _ex_ boyfriend." Valerie's eyes brightened, freedom felt great! She looked around as her family joined the group. "So, tell me what your favorite part of that movie is?"

"Oh where do I _begin_? The whole ending was good. I mean the self defense training, the fight with the husband, and then the very end where you were with Joe and Gracie on the boat."

"Those are definitely memorable moments of the film." Jennifer put her fingertips together and lowered her lips slightly, causing Valerie a bit of worry. "You do realize it's likely not over yet, right?" She felt her heart sink and swallowed as she lowered her arms to her sides.

"What do you mean?"

"Well first, you're lucky Rodney is just a boyfriend, not a husband, _and_ you don't have a kid, as Slim did in that movie." Valerie nodded as Jennifer breathed out. "The mindset of an abuser is a funny one. There may be a chance, if he's anything like Mitch was in the film, he won't be done. No is never satisfactory for them. So I do want to give you prior warning…I don't want to scare you, I honestly don't, I'm just trying to tell you what may or may not happen." Valerie's face drained as Jonah walked up to her and scrunched his eyebrows together in concern.

"Do you think Rodney would try…"

"You were great standing up to him, I was proud of that. A lot of times the abuser doesn't get the message or they just think you're being 'difficult' during that time, so while your relationship with him is over, he may have the mindset that it isn't over. He will try to go after you, but you can head him off at the pass if you think enough."

"Really? I mean, what would I do? A restraining order won't do much."

"True, but again, he's not legally bound to you, and trespassing on someone else's property can constitute jail time. The best thing to do is stay away from him, make sure he doesn't know where you can get to. If you can help it, don't be alone wherever you are. Tell me, do you have a 'Joe' in your life?"

"A who…oh yeah…" Her cheeks turned red and she slowly closed her eyes. Joe, in the movie, was one of Slim's best friends and someone that she had feelings for. Those feelings were returned and she ended up with him at the movie. Valerie slowly moved her eyes over to Jonah. Her heart swelled inside of her and when he met her eyes, she was boosted onto cloud nine. Did he, perhaps, feel something for her? She had to think, the words Slim told Joe in the movie when he asked why she came to him, what were they?

_"I tried to remember the last time I felt safe…and I thought of you."_

Her breath escaped her as she thought once more of the instant their eyes first met, or when they hugged, or whenever he talked to her. The last time she felt safe, with anyone, was when she was with him. Jonah, her own personal version of _Joe_, she was amazed. Could she be okay to think of him like that? Would her feelings for him be okay to have? She didn't know, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to date anyone at all for fear of being hurt by someone. "Maybe I do…but, if I date someone, how do I know they won't…you know, hurt me?"

"Well, let's take a look at this 'Joe' in your life. If you, per say, dated him, do you believe he wouldn't hurt you?"

"I know that he wouldn't. I mean, he doesn't seem the type. Unlike Rodney, he genuinely cares about me, I think. I mean, that's the feeling I get when I look into his eyes. I don't know, I'm kind of confused."

"Give it some time. Think about it. If he does care about you and it's genuine, he'll wait for you as long as he can. After all, Joe waited for Slim for six years, if you remember the movie well enough."

"Yeah, I don't think I want to wait six years to date anyone."

"You never have to. Judging on how you felt towards Rodney, that can gauge about how much time should be necessary to start dating if you even look into it. I say give it a couple weeks, you're not going to be comfortable with the concept of dating for a while, most likely. Most of all, you should remember this: Do what makes you happy. Remember to always trust in your friends too. If you remember the movie, several things wouldn't have been possible if Slim didn't have her friends with her." Valerie nodded and smiled as she took Sam's hand and grinned. To her, Sam was the friend that Ginny was to Sam. She could just imagine Sam doing most of the things Ginny did.

"I'll always remember that."

"Also remember this, if you ever start dating again, make sure whoever you start dating _isn't_ a rebound person. That can really hurt. If I may give you a little advice, before you even consider another relationship, get some professional advice first. Actually, if you wouldn't mind, _I'd_ love to be a personal consultant with you." Valerie gasped and placed her hand to her chest, she didn't know what to say. The fact that her idol would want to communicate more with her was remarkable!

"I-I'd love that!"

"Great, and in order to save your family expenses on mental help, should you decide to look in it, I'm certain I could help out a little."

"R-Really?" She heard Jonah and Freddie high five each other and laughed happily, of course they would have something to do with this! "I'd love that!"

"You're in Seattle, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"I happen to know some of the best counselors around there, and I'll pay in full if you'll go to talk to them." She bit her lip and looked at her parents, pleading with them. She knew she would need help and if she could get the best help out there, then that would be perfect. Her parents understood this and they wanted to do their best to help their daughter heal. "You should learn as much as you can about the abusive relationships and know that abusive behavior can stem from various causes and have lingering effects. So…" Jennifer pursed her lips and lowered her arms, leaning back and smiling slightly. "So if you can educate yourself about _why_ it happens and the effects it has on your emotional and mental health, as well as what causes people to enter into these relationships, it's a really big step in the healing process."

"I understand. I'll do that."

"Keep in mind what your emotional state is. As I'm sure you've seen, when you're too emotionally involved or interested in a potential partner, you tend to compromise the ability to evaluate that person correctly." She did have that problem with Rodney, they entered in way too suddenly. "Keep in mind your response to a partner and seek advice from others when you're starting a new relationship."

"What about…new relationships? Not that I'm interested in starting any right now, I'm just…" She ran her hand nervously through her hair as her idol lifted her hand and shook her head, smiling at her.

"My advice for you there is to go _slowly_. Chances are, you may have trust issues. You need time to build up a healthy relationship. Don't rush, the person your with will understand."

Valerie bowed her head and felt a low feeling of low esteem building inside of her. It was perhaps a normal thing for her now and she wanted to be completely normal. That may never happen again, though. "You think so?" Jennifer closed her eyes and nodded. Valerie felt a hand on her shoulder and lifted her head up, fear started to rise, but she quickly pushed it down knowing that Rodney was nowhere near. At least, that's what she hoped for, in this crowded area. She looked to Jonah and smiled back at him, he was trying to comfort her, and she appreciated it. "Thanks."

"If you ever start a new relationship, let your boyfriend know to be careful, don't be scared to talk to him, okay?" She turned her attention back and nodded.

"I understand."

"If he's truly understanding and genuine, he won't rush you and he will be willing to be careful while not being afraid to touch you." She didn't want to feel like she was untouchable, that she would jump whenever a man touched her, so she understood the desire for a man that _wasn't_ afraid to touch her.

"Yeah, it doesn't feel good about that. I mean, who wants to feel like the plaque or something?"

"Exactly…"

"I don't want to be avoided. Sure, I'm a bit jumpy right now whenever a guy moves towards me, but…other than that-"

"It's normal to feel that way, Valerie. I promise you, though, there _will_ be a time that you can be happy and safe again. You'll find the right man, and who knows, you may already have just as Slim had in the movie." Valerie's eyes dropped for a split second as she attempted to push the doubt from her mind.

"Yeah maybe I will…maybe I have…Whatever the case may be, I guess I got a lot to do. Think Rodney would go after him?" Jennifer pressed her lips tightly together an clicked her tongue. Valerie studied her expression closely and started to feel a sickly emotion inside of her. She watched quietly as Jennifer leaned forward and looked straight into her eyes.

"If Rodney is half as crazy as he seems…and if he's already _tried_ going after those you care about, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid he probably will. You just have to be strong through it all, do you think you can do that?"

"I don't know, maybe…"

"We'll see, but for now, let's try not to think about him and to have a good time. If you'd like to give me your number, I'll call you."

"Okay, thanks!" She quickly recited her number while the others decided to return to the bake sale, checking on her occasionally while she chatted with her idol. She was looking forward to healing and prayed that she'd make it out again. Perhaps, as the cop in the movie said of Slim, she too, was one of the lucky ones.

* * *

><p>Awesome, Valerie may make it through this. Jonah did a good thing. Stick around for the next.<p> 


	26. Still Out There

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 26 (Still Out There)<p>

About a week later, Jonah and Freddie were helping Beck to fix up his new apartment in the Bushwell Plaza while Sam, Jade, Carly, and Valerie all had a girl's day out. They were in Beck's designated bedroom with a bunch of boxes and some paint. Jonah was sitting on a wooden box while Freddie looked through a moving bas as Beck painted his walls with a light amber colored paint. Jonah dangled a paintbrush in his hand as Freddie talked to him. It had been a mildly tough week with everything going on. His father was _trying_ to put himself back into Jonah and Olivia's lives, but it wasn't so easy. Valerie was doing well talking to Miss Lopez every so often, while also visiting a counselor, she was slowly but surely starting to heal. Yet things that were harder to deal with were seemingly afoot, some things that Jonah _wished_ would just go away. "So you're not going to tell her, man?"

"About what?" He moved his eyes to the side and gently tapped the paint brush on the box. He knew what Freddie was talking about, and he was genuinely concerned as well. Since Valerie broke up with Rodney, he'd been receiving death threats in the forms of letters and other items from some 'anonymous' sender. "The whole point of her healing also means her knowing that those in her life are _safe_. Believe me, if I thought it would be a good thing, I'd tell her about those letters, but I do not want to worry her."

"Yeah, but you know she's a strong girl, she can handle the news. Probably. Maybe…" Jonah smacked his lips and slowly nodded, he agreed with Freddie but he was still conflicted over what the right decision would be. If he told Valerie, would she worry or would she have faith that everything would be all right? Hell, it would probably upset her more if something happened and she _didn't_ know it was coming. "You know I'm right, but in the end I suppose it's up to you. Though, if you consider the situation…there really _isn't_ any reason to not tell her. What if this jack-off tries something? What if he does hurt you? I mean we know he's probably out there somewhere, right now, watching us…or her…"

"Freddie…" He closed his eyes and his insides twisted in a sharp pain. Just thinking about that asshole watching Valerie, spying on her, it made him want to tear the man's head off. "Please never mention that possibility again." He moved his hand to his forehead and ran it through his hair, shuddering slightly. "How the hell did I get in this situation?" He heard Beck chuckle and looked over as the man set down his brush on a sheet of wax paper and turned around.

"You fell in love with a woman who has a psycho ex boyfriend."

"Yeah. Thanks Beck." He never doubted his feelings for Valerie and never would. Hell, with how many times he'd even seen that movie, _Enough_, he had to wonder how that Joe guy managed to stay at the top of his game. "I wish the characters in that movie were real so I could just ask Joe how he managed to do it."

"Hey, easy solution man." Beck grabbed the towel from his shoulder and wiped off his face as he made his way past Jonah and to the mini fridge on the other side of the room. He opened it up and grabbed a bottle of water, looking back as Freddie lifted his hand up.

"Hey man, can you toss me a drink?"

"Sure." He grabbed another bottle and tossed it over to Freddie. Jonah leaned back and turned his gaze out the window as Beck walked over to the two. "You be there for her no matter what, be honest with her, love her, and do everything in your power to keep Rodney from getting to either of you." Jonah lifted his eyebrow and stared at Beck with quiet skepticism.

"You're saying that's _simple_? I'd sooner _die_ than to let anything happen to her, but as far as keeping Rodney away…I'm at a loss! You know restraining orders are shit, right?" He wasn't even dating Valerie, and Beck was talking like he _was_. Rodney probably thought it too, but who could be sure? "Rodney's made it clear he doesn't want me doing anything with Valerie. I'm not about to give him what he wants, that's not even up for questioning. The thing I have to make sure of is that he doesn't also hurt Olivia in some way, or anyone close to us. That includes Sam, Carly, Valerie's family, _my_ family, you guys, Jade…" Freddie moved to his feet and placed his hand firmly on Jonah's shoulder. Jonah met his gaze, his heart was pounding in his chest and he tried not to let anyone see him sweat.

"It's true what they say about a stalker," Freddie spoke his words softly and slowly, hoping Jonah would be able to understand them completely. "They can cause their intended target and everyone around them…their entire worlds…filled with nothing but fear. It's okay to be afraid, but don't try to deal with this alone. Hell, you _should_ be having this conversation with Valerie right now."

"I know that. You think I want anyone, especially people like Rodney, knowing…" He moaned and rubbed his forehead slightly. He was beginning to grow irritated. "It's Rodney's objective to get me to sweat, and I fully intend to not let that happen."

"Okay, but Jonah. Valerie needs to see that. Maybe not in so many ways, but she does deserve to know that she's not the only one going through this."

"You're right…and I will tell her about this as soon as I see her next." Freddie and Beck both nodded as Jonah pushed his hand into his pocket. The other two went to work as he pulled out a crinkled sheet of paper that had once been attached to a brick. His lips fell as a variety of emotions tore at him. Nobody knew where Rodney was. Hell, he wasn't even going to school. This made him even more dangerous, considering how untraceable he was. Jonah's eyes read over the note, he must have read it a million times.

_"Jonah, I don't need to introduce myself. I don't care if she thinks it's over between us, she's still mine. I know I'm staying low for a bit, but I guarantee you this. If you go anywhere near her, if you touch her, I will keep my promise: I will kill your little sister. Fuck your old man, he's a piece of shit anyway. I will kill everyone you know until I come around to cutting your throat open. So, do us all a favor and stay the hell away from my girlfriend. She'll come around eventually, she knows she can't leave me. She's hooked to me, whether she believes it or not. I'll be back, and once I am, I'm taking her with me…you're dead Jonah. Signed, yours truly, Rodney."_

He chuckled nervously and sighed. Just one of many, he was hoping no others were headed his way, but perhaps that was too much to hope for. His eyes trailed over Rodney's signature and he scoffed in return. "The fool actually signed his name…" Freddie looked up from the moving box and gave Jonah a concerned look.

"What was that, bro?"

"Nothing bro, it's nothing…" So how was he supposed to protect everyone? Freddie and Beck were right when they talked to him earlier about not putting the whole thing on his shoulders, but he felt like he had to, that no one else would do it. "I would go to the police with these letters, but they're not going to do anything. They'll just tell me to get a restraining order and send me on my way. You know, a sniper rifle can kill someone from two hundred yards away."

"Okay, that's a long shot Jonah."

"Yeah but that isn't a maximum…I'm not _afraid_ of Rodney. I'm worried about Valerie, worried about my family, worried about her family…I don't know what I'm going to do." He watched Beck continue panting the wall, perhaps he and Freddie were trying to send a message. Was he to just treat this like it was nothing? It wasn't _nothing_ and Rodney wasn't going to stop just because he was being ignored. Would he? Freddie walked over to his friend and placed his hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes.

"Jonah, you're thinking about it too much. I know it's a problem, but this is what he wants. He wants you to shake. You're the strongest person Valerie has on her side, if he can make _you_ sweat, then guess what, he's getting what he wants. Other than that, just do whatever it takes to keep everyone _safe_. It isn't hard to do once you figure out how." He raised an eyebrow and stood up, stretching himself. He wasn't positive on Freddie's words, wasn't sure how much sense they made, but he did know he was right. It was best not to think about Rodney right now, not to concern himself with that asshole. Freddie took a drink of his water bottle and moved over to Beck. "Hey, so how did your friends take you moving to Seattle anyway?"

"Oh, relatively well." Beck stepped back from the wall and smiled, so far it was looking great. He'd already done two walls, now the third one had just a little more to go. Jonah moved over to him, rubbing his own shoulder slightly and looking up at the freshly painted walls. "Andre was happy for me, but seemed to be down pretty much."

"Understandable," Jonah commented. "He is losing his best friend."

"Yeah. Robbie wasn't really _there_, if you get it. I think he was watching the bake sale thing and saw Rodney, he just froze." Jonah winced and looked out the window in thought. What would happen if he had a twin brother who ran off just randomly appear on a webshow, attacking someone? It seems like it would be painful. "Tori and Trina, they didn't seem to mind _too_ much, though Tori kept asking me I was _sure_ I wanted this. I do, more than anything. Then there was Cat, who was extremely confused."

"Yeah, makes sense." Jonah's phone buzzed, so he took it from his pocket. It had buzzed once before, but he ignored it since he was hanging with Freddie and Beck, but this second time he figured he may as well check it. The first initial buzzing sound had been only ten minutes ago, so somebody was trying to get in touch with him. "Hold on, let me check this real fast. It's probably nothing."

When he checked the messages, his heart stopped and his eyes grew large. The first was from Olivia, she said she'd gotten home with their cousin, June, and the house had been _ransacked_. The second message was from June, telling him he needed to get home immediately. "What is, bro? Something wrong?"

"I have to get going guys, Olivia and June are texting me. The house…it's a mess, something happened." He pocketed his phone and quickly ran out of the room, trying his best not to panic. Once he made it downstairs and out the door, he could feel somebody watching him. Or was that just paranoia? Rodney was likely nowhere to be found. It wouldn't matter, he had more pressing matters than whether or not the asshole was watching him. He jumped into his car and quickly started up the engine, then proceeded to speed off.

* * *

><p>So, Rodney's become a stalker now, this could be bad. Keep on hangin' and keep on enjoyin'<p> 


	27. The Next Step

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 27 (Next Step)<p>

When he made it to his house, he found June and Olivia sitting on the couch, the older girl was trying to comfort the younger. Olivia was shaking and scanning the room. Jonah glanced about as well, mildly afraid of what he was seeing. Chairs had been toppled over, doors were wide open and mildly off the hinges, shelves that had once contained a variety of items were now spilt upon the floor. He could see into the living room where silverware, dishes, and other items had been thrown about. Most likely the bedrooms were all in similar disarray. "Olivia, June, did you guys call the police?" June, whose arms were wrapped around the trembling Olivia, glanced up at him with sorrowful eyes.

"Yeah, they're on their way now. The couch was the only thing _not_ moved. I don't know what's considered valuables in your home besides jewelry and other basic, obviously valuable items. Nothing appeared to be missing out of the basics."

"Right…" He took that to mean he'd better start checking around the rooms, because he _did_ have some really valuable things in here. Mostly items left over from his mom or her immediate family. If anything of hers was missing, it was almost irreplaceable. "I know Dad keeps a lot of important files on his laptop, he backs them up constantly. Do you think his computer's missing? Should be in his room…"

"I checked his room, there wasn't any computer." Jonah cussed mentally and ran into his father's room, he knew there was _plenty_ of valuable info in there. June walked in after him and crossed her arms as he breathed out a single shallow breath. His dad's room had been wiped clean, completely devastated. "Uncle Michael's study seems to have taken a lot of abuse. Who do you think could have done this? Rodney?" Fear pulsed through his heart and he quickly ran for his bedroom. "Jonah?"

When he reached his room, everything had been turned upside down. His desk was on its back, their drawers had been torn out and thrown across the room. He kicked one onto its bottom with his foot and frowned, it had been emptied out. His mattress was against the wall and anything that had been underneath his bed was either out on the floor or missing. One thing that was missing was the briefcase that held his mother's laptop, she had a _lot_ of personal information on it. "Shit!" Clothing had been torn from his closet and littered the room along with all the books that had been on his bookshelf.

"Brother…" He looked back to see Olivia walking into the bedroom, June came in behind her. "There was a note in my bedroom, I think Rodney wrote it."

"A note?"

June closed her eyes and leaned against the doorframe. "There was a note in each bedroom. Each of them signed by Rodney...They were short, pretty much telling everyone to make sure you stayed away from Valerie or something bad would happen. Anyway, the police are here, so is Uncle Michael." Jonah nodded and brushed past them, hurrying into the living room where Michael and some police officers were investigating. Michael was staring into his study and rubbing his head. He always did that when he was irritated. He turned around and frowned at Jonah.

"What happened? June called and said we'd been robbed."

"I don't know if it was a robbery or not, we had some notes from Rodney." One of the officers stopped what he was doing and walked over just as June and Oliver came into the living room. June handed the officer the notes while Jonah closed his eyes. "I've been getting threats from him for the last week, but he always said not to go to the police…I'm not afraid of him." The officer raised his eyebrows and nodded as he carefully thumbed through the notes.

"Okay, we're going to classify this as a robbery, but if you get anything further from this Rodney, let us know. We'll make sure you remain anonymous. Was anything taken?"

"Yes, a lot of personal information was on my parents' laptops, both are gone." Jonah saw his dad glance back into his room almost mournfully, then glance back to the officer. "I haven't seen anything else missing, but we'll let you know if we do. Rodney goes by Rodney Lewis, but I think his real name is Rodney Shapiro, he has family in LA. He ran off from them."

"Is he a minor? Younger than eighteen?"

"I believe so, I turn eighteen before he does, and my birthday's in June. I'm not sure when his is, we've never really been close."

"Then if we find him, we can probably send him back to his family if we find he does have family in LA." Jonah nodded and slowly moved to his couch. He was hating the cleaning up part that would be coming soon, with every room practically trashed, there was no way in hell he was going to be able to relax. The officer turned to Michael. "If this person is stalking your family, I suggest you find a relative to stay with for the time being. It may be the safest thing you can do for your family. Do you have anyone that this man wouldn't know about?"

"My brother…I don't know if he'd be able to do that or not, though. I can't just uproot my children in their last few months of school." Jonah pinched his nose and sighed, his uncle and aunt didn't live in Seattle, so there was no convenience there. They were currently in a hotel and had another week or two before they were going to head back to Nebraska, where their farm was. They lived on a quiet farm out in the country where Ryan was able to get as much rest as he needed for being an eighty year old man. "I'll have to talk to my family about it."

"Consider it for your family's safety, sir. Until then we'll try looking for Rodney, if you can give us a description of him, that will help."

"Thank you."

After the police were gone, the family gathered around. Roy, Christa, and Ryan had come over as well to see what was going on and to talk about the future. Jonah wasn't about to give anything up, though. To run was a coward's move and he was no coward. They had at least managed to make the living room look neat once more. Jonah was leaning against a wall while Michael sat in the recliner that faced the side of the couch where June was sitting with her parents. Ryan was sitting in a computer chair they'd pulled into the room while Olivia was stretching behind the couch. Even Marissa had come over, bringing Freddie with her. After all, this whole thing affected them too, she was getting serious with Michael and they'd actually been thinking about maybe getting married.

Michael looked to his children, then to his brother. "So, I know I need to let my children finish their last few months here, but when summer begins, would we have a place with you? I can't let my family remain in danger from this guy." Jonah looked away and frowned, while he would really enjoy living on a farm, getting to know the family he never knew, he had too many things in Seattle going for him.

"No offense Dad, as much as I'd love to spend the summer and, however long it takes to find Rodney, with Uncle Roy and Aunt Christa, I'm not leaving Seattle." Michael raised his eyebrow and looked over as Jonah pushed himself from the wall and moved forward. "I have a job, I'm going to be going to Seattle University, I've got a spot waiting for me at the nearby hospital to work as an orderly while I go through college and med school. I'm not leaving."

"Look son, I know the real reason you don't want to leave, and it's admirable. I understand you're close to this girl, I'm not asking that you cut all ties to her, but for your own safety it may be better that you-"

"Not. Leaving." He gave his father a serious look and was fully prepared to defend his position. He saw his sister looking at him with concern while the others just sat there, thinking. Michael stood up and walked over to him, looking softly into his son's eyes.

"Jonah. I can't lose someone else. I lost your mother, apparently my younger brother perished, I can't allow myself to let something happen to you. You are my only son. If you stay here…if something were to happen to you…"

"I'll be fine. Besides, let's think of Olivia here, I'm turning eighteen in June, after that you really can't worry about me. She's got four more years to go."

Roy was whispering with his wife and stopped to talk with his brother. "We have been discussing for the last week, moving up to Seattle at some point of time." The two men raised their eyebrows and looked over to Roy. "June was going to move here first, try to find a nice farm area out in the country for Dad, then we'd already have everything packed up. Maybe we can do that, you can come help us pack, Mike, while your kids stay safely with June. Does that sound reasonable?"

"Hmm, I suppose that'd work out. Jonah? Olivia? Does that sound good to you?" Jonah thought about it and shrugged his shoulders. Personally, he didn't mind at all. It just meant he wouldn't have to leave this area. Olivia looked happy, her face was glowing and she was hugging June tightly. Jonah turned his head to Freddie, then back to Michael with a chuckle.

"Hey, if I'm about to have a brother, I don't want to move to another state right away." Marissa's cheeks started turning red as Michael cleared his throat. "So Dad, is it true, the men in our family prefer American women?"

"Yeah…it's true…"

"Oh, because well..." Valerie was Italian. Maybe not _full_ blooded Italian, but her grandfather did come from Italy. He could eel Freddie's smirk and was debating smacking him upside the head for even thinking of teasing him. "It won't matter. I need to tell Valerie what's going on. She deserves to know." In the prior week, he'd probably seen Valerie two or three times. Both had been relatively busy. "Anyway, let's talk a little more about what's left to do…"

* * *

><p>So Rodney ransacked the place, looks like June is moving into a farm, Olivia and Jonah can join. Seems like it could work out. Jonah and Valerie get next chapter together. Stick around<p> 


	28. Peaceful FF has been having trouble

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 28 (Peaceful)<p>

Jonah drove down the streets of Seattle, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel as his Nickelback CD played off the song _Never Again_. It was a great song, one of his favorites from his favorite band. He was going to meet Valerie at the church that Marissa and Freddie usually went to. It would be a private location that Rodney wouldn't be able to find. Valerie sounded worried when she detected the wavering nervousness in his voice, so he had told her simply he'd tell her when they got there. He didn't think of whether or not she might be followed by this guy, but he was hoping Rodney was taking time off from being a creep.

When he pulled up to the church's parking lot, he left his car and looked around for Valerie's car. She drove a dark colored minivan with black tinted windows. He rested his arm on the top of his car and leaned diagonally against it, tapping his fingers gently on the roof. What were the chances of Rodney seeing them talking? What would happen if he did? He'd have to defend Valerie from the menace.

His eyes trailed the quiet street until he spotted Valerie's minivan turning onto it down a ways. This church was a ways into the country area, so it was definitely a drive. He smiled as she drove into the parking lot and stopped her car next to his. He scanned the surrounding areas once more as she got out of the car. He moved his eyes over to her and his heart fluttered about as it always did. She was glowing, her eyes were lit with happiness and wonder, she was beautiful as always and no longer makeup dependant. "Okay, I'm here, so what's going on, Jonah?" He cleared his throat and walked around his car to her side, he had to give himself a minute to pull himself out of that trance.

"You know your ex boyfriend…" He caught a flicker of pain in her eyes and wished he didn't even have to bring him up. "I know you don't want to think about the guy, and I am sorry for bringing him up, but you need to know something…"

"What?" He peered down the street, watching closely. It was a one way street this way, so if Rodney had decided to follow either of them, then that entranceway would be the only possible way for him to get to the church. "Jonah? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, come with me." He pushed his hands into his pocket and walked to the front doors of the church. Marissa had stated the church _always_ had somebody working inside, so the doors were unlocked each day. He gripped the door handle firmly and pulled open the door. He scanned the street once more as Valerie walked inside. He swung around and made his way into the building. They made their way into the foyer and sat down in one of the pews furthest from the door. This way if Rodney entered, they might spot him first and get out of there before he got to them.

"Okay Jonah, you're starting to worry me here."

"Don't be. We just need to talk about Rodney some place he's not going to find either one of us." Her eyes widened and she cupped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh god, he's stalking you too, isn't he!"

"Don't worry about me, Valerie. I'm tough, he won't scare me easily, but he's been threatening my family. Olivia and I are going to move in with my cousin while Dad goes with Uncle Roy and Grandpa back to their family farm in Nebraska, help them pack, and move back here."

"June's got a place here?"

"I don't know if she's found a place or not, but she's trying to move to a farm." He placed his arm on the back of the pew. Valerie leaned against the back and moved her head back, resting it on his arm. "Has he been threatening you?" He watched her facial expressions and saw a tear slowly moving along her cheek. He lifted his hand and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He probably didn't need to ask her that question, considering the answer was most likely an obvious yes. "They'll find him Val, the police _will_ get him."

"How do you know? How do you know meeting me right now won't hurt your family some way? Should we even be meeting?"

"I'm not letting him scare me away from you." The corners of her mouth lifted as her eyes slowly drifted to him. "Besides, I'd miss that cooking of yours if I didn't have you around." He smirked playfully as she chuckled. His eyes studied her joyful face and he felt a deep yearning inside of him to lean in and kiss her, but he pushed that desire away as inappropriate for the time being. Besides, why kiss when they weren't even dating? Perhaps he needed to look into what his best friend had done with Sam, that spontaneous kiss. Those two were officially boyfriend-girlfriend now.

"Ah my cooking's not all _that_ special."

"So says the girl who had a perfect bake sale last week, topped off by a guest appearance of her idol." He nudged her playfully and her cheeks grew red. "Is that a blush?"

"No."

"Uh huh, are you _sure_?"

"I'm positive." He laughed for a brief second and stopped when he felt her head upon his shoulder. His cheeks burned and his heart pounded roughly inside of him. This was too unexpected, but yet, it was nice. He moved his eyes to the large cross on the stage and smiled slightly, maybe God was there looking over them right now. "Jonah, why does God let people like Rodney do the things they do?" He lifted his eyebrows and brought his arm gently to her shoulders. He rubbed her arm gently and continued to stare at the cross, searching for an answer. Everyone would tell him throughout life that trials happened because they were tests, but the emotional and mental ramifications of these tests were sometimes very damaging, but yet, God always provided a way out.

"I guess guys like Rodney are around to test us, I don't know. All I know is, God provides a way out most of the time. He gives something or someone to make it all better."

"Kind of like you…" She whispered it, possibly meaning for that to be only for her to hear, but he heard it. His heart lifted up inside and he slowly leaned back, closing his eyes. This felt right. He couldn't remember feeling this comfortable before, never had he actually enjoyed a girl's touch so much. She was beautiful, an angel really. They dozed off, blissfully unaware of the danger that couldn't make it inside.

Rodney paced the church grounds, steaming mad. The doors were _locked_, every one of them! The doors into the foyer, the doors into the church, and even the office doors, it was as though something were preventing him from getting inside the building. There were people in there, he saw them, but for some reason, they didn't see or hear him banging around. Surely they weren't ignoring him, because if they were, he was going to become further pissed off.

"She's mine!" He growled angrily and slammed his fist against the wall. He heard a popping sound and jerked his hand back, searing in pain. "Fuck!" He heard Valerie tell her mother earlier that she was meeting Jonah at this church. He got there in time to see the two go inside, so why was he unable to get in there? He scoffed and mocked the building as he kicked its walls. "A higher power, no doubt. Well fuck the higher power, I'm getting inside and there's nothing anyone or anything's going to do about it!" He slammed himself into the door and heard a crackling noise, pain shot through his body as he fell backwards onto the ground, holding his side and rolling back and forth. "Son of a bitch! Fuck the higher power, I said!"

Rodney was unlike Jonah and Valerie, a proud atheist. Although he'd seen a number of things that couldn't be explained, this was one of those things. There had to be a logical explanation for why the doors weren't opening for him, but he couldn't believe every single door would be broken. "Hey God, you're not keeping me away from her, I hope you know that. I refuse to be without her. I don't care what your rules are, I _will_ get in there one way or another. I'm a desperate man, and I'm sure you know what that means."

He made his way to his car and glared at the building, he could smash through the walls if he were crazy enough, but that much property damage might cause a severe problem for him. Perhaps the axe in his trunk could destroy the oak door that stood in his way. He was about to retrieve the axe when he heard a siren in the distance. He lifted his eyes up and saw two police cruisers turning onto the street. "Oh you have to be shitting me…" He lifted his head to the sky and raised his hand up, sticking his middle finger out. "Fuck you!" Thinking fast, he jumped into his car and started driving around the back of the church. "Don't worry Val, I'll bring you back to me. You'll see the error of your ways soon enough. I'll be the only one you're going to love."

The police cruisers turned into the parking lot while Rodney quickly drove over the curb, through the grass, and onto the street, unseen by the officers. Kid

Jonah felt someone nudging him in the side and opened his eyes to see Valerie peering over her shoulders nervously. "What's wrong?" That's when he heard the sirens and blinked himself awake. "Let's see what's going on." Hopefully they weren't in trouble for falling asleep in the church. He helped Valerie up and moved into one of the main halls where a few office workers were talking to a couple officers. "What's going on?" One of the office ladies looked over at him and smiled vaguely.

"Someone was trying to break in, they set off an alarm. It's strange, because the doors are normally unlocked and they were all locked. Someone must of accidently hit the master lock button, but nobody heard anything." Jonah felt Valerie tense up and looked at her, she was afraid of something. The office woman went back to talking with the officer, so Jonah pulled Valerie aside to see what was going on. He had a sinking suspicion who might have tried to break in, but he hoped he was wrong.

"Are you okay, Valerie?"

"I'm fine, it's just…do you think Rodney might have been trying to get in?"

"The important thing is, if it _was_ that guy, that he didn't get in and must have given up." She nodded and stared off at the doors. "Want to head back home?"

"I'd rather not go alone right now."

"Understandable." He could pick his car up later, no big deal. "I'll go with you if you want me to."

"Please? You don't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind. I can always get my car later, it's no big deal."

"Thanks Jonah." He was stunned when she quickly and tightly hugged him. He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her in a hug, she felt so warm and so fragile. He needed to be gentle with her. "I wonder, how come you didn't bring your motorcycle?"

"Don't always pull it out of my garage…plus, Olivia's not fond of when I ride it, she says it's too dangerous."

"Well she's right, you know." He chuckled as she released him and stepped back, brushing her hair over her shoulder. She smiled and looked into his eyes with a kindness that made the butterflies jump into his stomach. "So let's go. Thank you for telling me about Rodney, I'm sorry he's bothering you…"

"Well, it's nothing too bad, we'll be fine."

"Sure you're not just saying that to protect me, or keep me from worrying?"

"I'm sure, but I would do anything to take your worries away." He paused briefly as her cheeks turned red once more. Did he just say that to her? He really needed to _watch_ what he said. He felt her studying him and chuckled nervously.

"Why do you look so nervous? You didn't say anything wrong. You're not embarrassed, are you?" She smirked at him and his cheeks flared red. She let out a satisfied chuckle and started heading outside. Jonah followed after her, trying to get rid of this blush that he had. It was a bit too difficult. He watched as she stepped next to her car and looked at him, beaming with joy. "I thought you were a guy that '_never_ blushed', Jonah?"

"I am…" He closed his eyes and casually opened the door. "I'm not blushing at all, you don't see a thing."

"Whatever you say, Jonah."

* * *

><p>Yes, I'm a Christian. I really hope this chapter was enjoyable! I think Jonah and Valerie deserved some peace, and apparently there may be a power out there that doesn't want Rodney in that church. Of course, I did try to make it believable too, using the explanation of what mechanisms failed. Ah, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did ^_^. Stick around for the next chapter, which I believe is a little karaoke time.<p> 


	29. Face Down

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: " 'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

A/N: This chapter includes one song: Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It will be sung, the lyrics are sung in italics.

* * *

><p>Chapter 29 (Karaoke: Face Down)<p>

"Why am I here?" Freddie asked with narrow eyes. His elbow hung out of the passenger side window of Jonah's car. June and Olivia were in the back while Jonah drove. Valerie's family invited Jonah to go to a karaoke place with them for a family karaoke night, and Jonah took this as his chance to drag Freddie along for the ride. "I would much rather be with my girlfriend right now."

"Yeah, Valerie already said Sam was with them, so you'll be seeing her. Besides, I don't sing, so it's only fair I bring you." He smirked as his friend slowly glared back at him. He knew Freddie didn't care much for singing, but it was only fair that he join the ranks of everyone who would. "As for _me_, there's no way in hell I will be singing."

"Unless Valerie asks you to…" Freddie smirked and Jonah raised a curious eyebrow. Preposterous! When he said he wasn't singing, he _meant_ he wasn't singing. Then again, if she really _wanted_ him to, he might think about it. For the most part, he did not plan on singing anything when they got there. "After all Jonah, you know you two have each other wrapped around your fingers, now everyone is here on the sidelines just waiting for you to hook up with each other."

"Yeah, that's going to take some time, man." He parked in a spot and noticed Freddie rolling his eyes. His eyes moved to the rearview mirror as June and Olivia jumped out of the car. He turned his eyes to the front door of the karaoke place and saw Valerie standing with Vanessa and Veronica. His eyes softened as Valerie waved in the air. "Believe me, I want to ask her out so badly, but she needs time to heal from Rodney. She needs time to be able to trust other men. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it makes plenty of sense, now ask her out!"

"I told you, give it _time_."

"Like the human species has all the time in the world. Come on bro, you can't just expect her to wait forever can you?" Jonah sighed and stepped out of the car. Freddie was right, but it still didn't keep him from wanting to make sure the timing would be more appropriate. Olivia and June were the first to head over to Valerie, Freddie was next. Jonah seemed stuck, he was frozen under Valerie's gaze. He saw Freddie glance back at him and raise his eyebrows. "Hey man, what are you getting cold feet for? Get over here! Don't keep Valerie waiting, man!" He rolled his eyes and Valerie giggled as Freddie smirked.

"Oh shut up, Benson." He closed his eyes and sighed as his cheeks burned. He moved over to the group as Freddie laughed. Valerie looked up into his eyes and he felt himself paralyzed once more. He looked to Freddie and smirked. "You know what I just thought of? You should sing 'Paralyzer' to your girlfriend."

"Yeah, how about no."

"Aw but you have to sing _something_, you know my disposition already." He looked back to Valerie and grinned. "Well, we're here, hope I didn't keep you waiting _too_ long."

"Oh you didn't." She gave him a quick friendly hug and motioned for them to follow her inside. "Let's head in guys! We're going to have fun, got that?" The others all nodded and hurried in, chattering and laughing amongst themselves. Freddie hung behind with Jonah as Valerie started heading inside. Jonah felt Freddie perch his elbow upon his shoulder. He watched her with a wistful sigh and closed his eyes.

"You can say she's beautiful, there's nothing wrong with that man. Don't hide how you feel."

"I didn't think I was. But yes, she is beautiful…" Freddie nodded and pat him on the back before heading inside. He quickly hurried in and saw Valerie waving from a group of tables in the corner of the room where her family was. Jonah looked around and chuckled as he folded his arms over. "Now this place is nice. How have I never been here before?"

The walls, ceiling, and floor were all black, the floor was tiled. The entire place was large, square, and filled with tables in the front half of the building. The back half had a rectangular stage that came out of the wall. On it was a microphone and some speakers. A large screen was positioned behind and in front of the stage. There were doors on either side of the stage for the waiters and other workers to come through. Someone was already on the stage, singing. The screen behind the person had both the lyrics, on one side, and a list of names in numerical order of singers. He raised his eyebrow when he saw his name next. Freddie evidently saw it too, because he started laughing wildly.

"Looks like someone's signed you up to sing already, Jonah!" He groaned in annoyance and walked over to Valerie and her family with Freddie.

"I…don't…_sing_. I'm cancelling that." Valerie looked at him sweetly and almost pleadingly.

"But you can't, I have a song I really want to hear you sing." He felt Freddie's mocking gaze burning into him and flattened his eyebrows. He could try, but by the look in her eyes, he wouldn't be able to turn her down. He turned his eyes to Sam, who was grinning at the two, something told him she had something to do with this.

"Okay, but what's the song?"

"Face Down, by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. You know it, right?" Jonah's eyebrows rose in surprise as Freddie ceased his teasing laugh. Of all the songs Valerie could have had him sing, why _that_ song? "It's been in my head for a couple days and I keep picturing you singing it…Don't ask me why. I just want to hear you sing it."

"Normally I don't sing, Val. But for you…" She held her hands together at her waist and tilted her head, smiling sweetly into his eyes. He felt his knees tremble and his limbs beginning to turn to butter. Freddie smirked at him and folded his arms over triumphantly. "For you, I'll sing the song. I can't turn you down. But! Freddie's singing it with me." Freddie's jaw fell as Valerie looked over at him. Jonah smirked devilishly at him and wagged his eyebrows. "No turning it down now, Bro."

"Okay, he can sing it too." The person singing stepped off the stage and the announcer called up Jonah and his song. He closed his eyes and gripped Freddie's shoulder firmly, then led his still stunned friend to the stage. Once they made it on the stage, Freddie shook his head and glared at Jonah.

"When we're done here, I am _so_ going to get you for this." Jonah laughed inwardly and took the microphone from the stand. One of the employees handed Freddie a microphone and the announcer pointed to Jonah.

"Okay, so is this your friend? Will he be singing backup?"

"Yep, so play the jam, Sam."

"Got it! Face down, by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, sung by Jonah Brown and his backup singer-"

"Freddie Benson."

"Freddie Benson." He felt Freddie's continuous glare and smirked as the song started to play. Jonah stood with his feet stretched out and eyes narrow upon the screen in front of him. He was tapping his hand against his leg as he waited for the words to begin. He could do this _without_ the words, to be honest. He moved his eyes to Valerie, who was now sitting at the table with her mom, dad, and Vanessa.

_"Hey girl, you know you drive me crazy, one look puts the rhythm in my hand. Still I'll never understand why you hang around, I see what's going down." _He rolled his head back and brought his microphone up to his mouth, holding it firmly with his right hand. _"Cover up with makeup in the mirror, tell yourself it's never gonna happen again! You cry alone and then he swears he loves you!"_ He belted out the last part, leaning forward and closing his eyes.

He thought he saw Rodney in the crowd, but that was likely just a hallucination. Either way, he focused on that person and growled. _"Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?" _Freddie started to sing with him, catching up to his pace. _"Well I'll tell you my friend, one day the world's going to end as your lies crumble down…A new life she has found!" _He turned and began pacing to stage right, locking his eyes on that person who reminded him of Rodney. _"A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this world will bear a consequence. If you wait around forever you will surely drown, I see what's going down."_

He moved his eyes to Valerie, she had her hands to her chest and was smiling as tears started coming to her eyes. He was doing this to help her with some sort of closure, so he honestly didn't mind. His eyes flicked over to the man that looked like Rodney, though he didn't know it was actually him. _"I see the way you go and say you're right again-"_

_ "Say you're right again!" _Freddie sang out.

_"Heed my lecture!"_ Jonah pointed out to the crowd and twisted his face into a mildly angry expression. _"Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end, as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found!" _

_ "She has found!"_

Jonah slammed his foot down on the stage and turned full frontal, shouting out the lyrics. It was almost hard to reach some of the high notes, since he had such a deep voice, but somehow he managed to belt out every lyric just fine. _"Face down in the dirt, she said 'this doesn't hurt', she said 'I finally had enough!'"_ The man in the crowd looked to the side, rolling his eyes with irritation as Jonah and Freddie repeated themselves. _"Face down in the dirt, she said, 'this doesn't hurt', she said, 'I finally had enough!'"_ His proudest moment for her, the minute she finally told Rodney off and told him she'd had enough of his abuse. _"One day, she will, tell you, that she has had enough!"_

_ "He's coming around again!"_

He cracked his neck and closed his eyes as the sweat started dripping down his nose, he was probably moving around too much for this one song, but he couldn't help getting emotional. _"Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?"_

_ "Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?"_

_ "Well I'll tell you my friend one day the world's going to end, as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found!" _ Freddie started slowly walking towards the front of the stage as they belted out the words again. _"Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, one day the world's going to end. As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found!"_

They put their strong foot forward as the man got up from his table, threw down the napkin, and started walking out of the building. Everyone remained blissfully unaware of him. The two mimicked each other's strong posture and belted out the final part of the song.

_ "Face down in the dirt, she said, 'it doesn't hurt', she said 'I finally had enough!" _The music performed its final quick close as the two lowered their arms and the audience roared with applause. Jonah's chest rose and fell as he looked to Valerie, who was smiling happily at him. He smiled back and lifted his arms up into the air. He checked the roll call quickly and saw no one else had remembered to sign up. Taking this advantage, he smirked and called out. "Freddie will now sing Crash and Burn by Savage Garden! Who wants to hear it!" Freddie paled as the crowd roared out with more applause. "Awesome!" He turned around and pat his best friend's shoulder, a dark gleam shot in his eyes as Freddie growled. "Have fun bro."

"You are such a dick, I hope you know that."

"I know." Jonah laughed and made his way off the stage as Freddie's music began to play. He dedicated the song to Sam, as it was one of those 'I'll always be there' type songs. He made his way over to Valerie, who gave him a large smile. "Well, how was it?"

"You were awesome, Jonah. Thanks for singing that for me."

"No problem. You might warn me next time, though." She giggled once and cleared her throat.

"Okay." He watched as she bit her lip. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but right now in front of her family might be highly inappropriate. Besides, it might make things a little on the bad side if he did that too soon. "Don't know why that song's been in my head for a while, it just has been."

"Well, is it out of your system now?"

"Yes." She took his wrist and led him over to a small booth. She scooted in against the wall and pulled him with her. He smiled and looked over as Freddie came towards the end of his song. He felt Valerie rest her head on his shoulder and lifted his eyebrows up as he turned his gaze to her. "You don't mind, do you? I'm just tired right now, it's been a long day and I didn't get much sleep last night…"

"You're fine, Val."

"Thanks." His body started to heat up and he felt her family smiling upon him. He closed his eyes and smiled as he rested his head back onto the velvet cushion. It wasn't long before he heard Sam and Freddie scoot into the booth in front of them, but he didn't open his eyes to look at them. He just simply didn't care.

"Let's not disturb them," Sam whispered softly as she placed her head upon Freddie's shoulder. He nodded with agreement and gently kissed her forehead. She smiled and cuddled closer while he rested his head upon hers.

* * *

><p>It was a good song, and a very sweet ending to the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. What did you make of the guy in the audience, did you think it was really Rodney? Well, stick around for the next chapter!<p> 


	30. Things Do Change

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.' –C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 30 (Things Change)<p>

Melanie was on the edge of her bed, tapping her foot gently on the ground and leaning back, her hands flat on the mattress behind her. She was gazing up at the ceiling fan, spinning like a flying saucer. Her eyes fluttered shut and she allowed her mind to wander to thoughts of her family. She knew she should probably have said something to Beck in these last couple of weeks, but she'd always been too upset to do so. Like Sam, she'd always wondered about her father, but over time she'd been able to grow used to how their family had always been. Now a wrench seemed to have been thrown into the normal scheme of things, and she didn't much care for that. She wasn't sure how to respond to their father having a son, an older sibling for that matter.

She needed the time to think. When she first saw him, she was afraid. It wasn't fear of him, but fear of change and fear of reality hitting her. Sam was spending most of her time with Beck, would he replace her as the favorite sibling? Her stomach turned over inside of her and her eyes slowly opened and started to mist over. She shook her head and whined.

"Maybe I should just talk to him…he's my brother too…" She pushed herself up and folded her arms over her chest. Her eyes played upon the floral wallpaper on her walls and quickly darted to her door. How long had it been now? Two weeks? Three? She just couldn't be positive, time was moving by too quickly for her.

Someone's soft knock on the door jarred her from her thoughts as she nearly jumped from her bed. Who could be knocking? Sam was on her date with Freddie, and her mother would likely be sleeping right now. Her throat locked as the door started to open, the knock was just to let her know the person was entering. A flash of dark brown hair swirled around the shoulders of the person entering, she had been looking away from the room. Melanie's eyebrows rose as she found her eyes meeting Jade's. "Hey, you don't mind if I come in, do you?"

"Jade? Beck's girlfriend?"

"Yep." The girl walked in without Melanie's approval, but it was no real bother. The girl seemed to pause to take in the room, she closed her eyes and shuddered lightly. It was enough for Melanie to detect. "Sorry, I'm just not the biggest fan of pink and floral stuff. You'd think I'd be used to it though, my best friend Cat had a similar room."

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to be with Beck." Jade pressed her lips together and sat at the headboard of the bed. Melanie turned to her and furrowed her brow, what did Jade want? Furthermore, how did she get in? She shouldn't be surprised though, she heard from Sam that Jade was similar to her. "So, I was wondering…why are you avoiding Beck?" The question was sharp and it pierced her like a knife, though its initial intent likely was not to be harmful in any way. Maybe it was the guilt, perhaps it was the desire to talk to him, but whatever the case, Jade's statement did have a debilitating effect on her.

"What makes you think I'm avoiding him? How'd you get in anyway?" Jade rolled her head to the side and pointed to the doorway.

"Your mom was asleep so I let myself in the same way Sam showed me. I wanted to come see you and Sam told me how to get in if Ms. Puckett was asleep."

"Ah. Go figure." She smiled warily and flattened her back onto the mattress. Her hands slid behind her head and her eyes gazed upon the tiny bumps on the ceiling. "You wanted to visit me. I wonder why…"

"Well, look at it this way. I'm in love with Beck, we're thinking of maybe getting married after college, so I want to know _all_ the people that are going to be a part of his family. That includes you." Melanie chuckled nervously and moved her hands to her abdomen. Her stomach lurched and her heart cringed inside of her. She felt Jade's curious eyes glancing off her, questioning her. "You…is it that you're having a hard time? I mean, that's understandable." Her heart twisted once more and she slowly sat up. Tears stabbed her eyes and she quickly shot her gaze to the wall beside her.

"Dad abandons us and all this time later, we find out that he has a son? I know Sam thought she saw our brother when they went to LA, I just…I didn't know it was-I don't know…" Jade's eyes fell to the light red comforter and her lips smacked tight as she thought of something she could say.

"I think you're trying to think of 'real', right?" Melanie turned her head and felt the bed shift as Jade started to move forward a bit. "There's really nothing I can say, I mean…this _is_ happening whether you want it to or not. You could either accept it for what it is or you don't, the ones you're hurting would be yourself and perhaps Beck too, because he doesn't get to talk to his sister." She gasped and moved her head up to Jade, quickly shaking it.

"I don't mean to hurt his feelings, it's just that…"

"I think I understand. When Beck and I went back to LA to pack our things, Robbie saw his twin brother on iCarly after _so_ many years. I never thought, in all my life, I would see the look that was in his eyes, it was unreal. He dropped that puppet he was always carrying…and just walked away…" Melanie cringed and dropped her eyes down momentarily; she couldn't even imagine what the poor guy would have been feeling.

"What did he do? I mean…"

"Well you saw how Rodney treated Valerie." She nodded her head and felt the bile rising up in her throat. Ever since that bake sale, she was sure someone was watching the house, but that was a different topic. "Robbie couldn't _believe_ that was his brother. He was so devastated that…I think Cat said he actually threw Rex away." Melanie arched her eyebrow as Jade leaned back on the bed. "Rex, that was his puppet."

"I remember, the one that Sam had that little 'rap off' with, over there in LA."

"Right. Rex had been given to him at an early age by his brother, so when Rodney disappeared, I guess he clung to it. After discovering what he did…Cat and Tori tell me Rex is swimming in a lake, getting nibbled at by the fish and creatures of the sea…"

"Oh my…" She cupped her hand to her mouth and felt her heart sink down as she tried to envision what she would feel if she were in the same situation. If Sam were nearly as bad as Rodney were, then she would certainly be devastated. "How is he now?" Jade moved her eyes to the side and slowly stood from the bed.

"I wouldn't know, he's not been in school all of last week, so I hear. Cat told me she tried to get into the house, but he won't talk to even her. They're all at a loss as to what to do. With their birthday coming so close, Tori's dad says they can't simply take Rodney and bring him back."

"Well why not? It's only just the start of April. Didn't Jonah say Rodney would turn eighteen _after_ June?"

"Yeah but he was mistaken, I guess 'knowing your enemy' isn't his style. Robbie is a year ahead of all of us by age, not by school year, he turns eighteen on May 12th. That means Rodney turns eighteen then as well, so with a month to go, there's no time for Mr. Vega to fill out all the paperwork that's necessary to go in and bring Rodney home."

"Wow. So you and Beck can't be there for your friends, huh?"

"Well, I don't know if you know how much of a cynic _I_ am, but I'm pretty sure Beck wants to be with his family. Our friends can take care of themselves. I know that sounds cold, but that's the way it is, Beck feels more of a need here than anywhere else."

"What's he doing now? I mean why are you here and he's not?"

"He'd like to be, but he's busy taking care of the house. Freddie and Sam are on their date, Valerie's with her family, so in turn…I'm here." She detected a tone of boredom in Jade's voice, it was a curious tone. It sounded like the girl was a bit irritated, but calm and peaceful at the same time. Was this a normal occurrence? Probably not, she was probably trying to be nice.

"You don't sound like you want to be."

"Oh don't get me wrong, I do. Like I said before, I want to know all of Beck's relatives, but I think I'd rather _he_ be here instead. You know? He's spent seventeen years getting lied to by his dad, who happens to be yours as well…Now he wants to know his family, so don't you think you owe it to him to get to know him too? I mean, what are you afraid of?" Jade placed her hands to her hips as Melanie wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled her knees to her chest.

"Change…"

"Change? What-oh…" She buried her head into her knees and felt Jade rest her hand upon her shoulder. "Mel, of course things are going to change…"

"It's not fair though, why did Dad leave us?"

"I don't know, I suppose the only good thing that man did was making sure Beck didn't get sent into a foster home. Other than that…I don't know why he did what he did."

"Mom, Sam and I got so used…so used to the way things were…and now things are going to be different. Now Sam's going to spend all her time with Beck and not me…"

"Mel…why do you think that is?"

"I don't know!" A sharp pang hit her and she lifted her head up to Jade, seeing the girl's eyes closed and a simple expression on her face. The answer seemed so obvious, didn't it? Sam and Melanie were almost sixteen, they too had gone nearly seventeen years not knowing anything about their father. Now they had a brother, Sam was taking advantage of it, getting to know him, while she was stuck in the past. "Oh…"

"You see, of course things aren't going to be the same, you have an older brother! You can choose to accept that or you can wallow and keep wishing for a status quo, but while you do that, your sister's taking the opportunity to get to know him. Why don't you? I mean what are you afraid of? I know you're worried about the change, but who knows, maybe it's change for the better?"

"I don't want things to change. I mean, I want to get to know Beck, but…what do I say? I don't really even know him. Sam probably had a better start than I did!" Melanie listened to Jade chuckle her response, the woman pulled out a printed piece of paper and set it on Melanie's knees. She raised her eyebrows and peered down at the paper, exhaling softly as she read the words. It was Sam's letter to Beck.

"All Sam did was…she saw him in LA, and that was it. They didn't talk, they didn't do anything. What she did was take a risk and hope they could make some sort of connection. They did. So now, it's your turn to make a connection…" A beeping sound filled the air and Melanie's eyes shot to Jade, who was looking at her watch. "Shoot, I have to get going. Cat and I have these regular times each day that we talk on the webcam, so I'll talk to you later, all right?"

"You're going?"

"Yeah…" Jade moved to the doorway and paused, looking back with a kind smile. "You know where Beck lives?"

"Yeah, Sam told me…"

"You thinking about visiting him?"

"I don't know."

"Well…it is up to you. Maybe we'll see each other soon." Melanie pressed her lips together and slowly nodded as she watched Jade rush out of the room. Her heart slammed her chest as she stared down at the letter. So, if Sam took that risk, why couldn't she? She wanted to know her brother too. She clutched the letter and laid back onto the bed, closing her eyes and sighing in exasperation. She was just too confused to do anything.

* * *

><p>So Jade got into the house and talked to Melanie about seeing Beck, she should do so. And in the side note, Rodney's twin brother got hit hard.<p> 


	31. Tangled Hearts

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 31 (Tangled Hearts)<p>

Melanie sucked in a deep breath as she stepped in front of the brown door leading into Beck's new apartment. She wondered if it was all fixed up yet, chances were slim, but possible. Her heart was going a mile a minute and her body was heating up to high temperatures. She could feel the sticky sweat trailing down her neck as she lifted her trembling hand to the doorknob. She couldn't help but wonder why Beck didn't ask Pam if he could move in with them, surely she'd say yes. Even though he was emancipated, what harm was there in living with his real family? Guilt started to grow inside her as she realized that she probably gave him the idea that she didn't want anything to do with him. This wasn't the truth, but she could understand how that might feel.

She had called Jade up while on her way over and was told that she was doing the right thing. After all, Beck would be nervous too, chances were he was going through a million emotions as well. What _wouldn't_ someone be going through when they just realized what he had? She made sure to tell her mother where she was going, the woman was proud of her and wanted to come along. She was parking the car and preparing herself, so she would be a while before she managed to get inside Bushwell and meet up with Melanie. So leave it to Pam to make her daughter go in first.

_"Don't be so nervous Mel; he's just your brother. Just your brother that you haven't met in your entire life…"_ She swallowed hard and clutched the doorknob tightly. Her skin grew red and she began to question herself, shouldn't she knock rather than just enter? Especially with the things that had been going on lately? For instance, Jonah was moving his stuff into his cousin's new farmhouse out in the country somewhere, this was because of Rodney wasn't it? Wouldn't Beck be nervous as well of the guy coming after him, considering he's one of Jonah's friends and also Sam's brother? If she just entered without saying anything, she might get shot! _"Don't be overly dramatic Mel…come on…"_ She chuckled to herself and shook her head. Why would Beck have a gun? Was she stupid?

She closed her eyes and slowly opened the door. As she entered, she opened her eyes and took a look around. The wallpaper was up, the flooring was bright peach carpeting that matched the white wallpaper. The apartment itself was a small one, not much bigger than Spencer and Carly's place. She'd second guess herself if she tried to estimate which one _was_ larger. There were no stairs, the front room looked strikingly similar to Carly's place, and she was sure the bedroom was on the right of her. Suddenly she heard Beck's voice and froze, was she in trouble? _"I should have knocked, I knew it!"_

"Hello? Who's there?" She closed her eyes and nearly squeaked as Beck came walking around the corner from his bedroom, he was wiping his hands off with a rag. He had a white muscle shirt, faded jeans, and he was sweating, probably from moving stuff around. Melanie opened her eyes and saw him staring at her with wide eyes, it seemed he could tell she wasn't Sam. "M-Melanie?"

"Jade didn't tell you I was visiting?"

"No, did she-"

"She came and visited me. Oh, uh…" She quickly looked at the door and pointed nervously, she was beginning to worry about turning into Sam. "Sorry I didn't knock. Should I have knocked?" Beck smiled kindly and shook his head.

"No you're fine, do you want anything to drink? I got my fridge all set up the other day. Well, the kitchen's all done, Jade really helped me out there. I have some water, soda, whatever you want." She smiled back and looked towards the sectional that was placed against the corner of the room towards her left, it was facing a small television that was propped up on a small brown cedar chest. "That sectional was a homecoming gift of sorts. The most expensive thing in this place." He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Believe it or not, Jade has family in these parts." Melanie's eyebrows rose as she walked towards the couch.

"Really? I guess that explains why she's not having any trouble with location." She sat down on the far right end of the couch and looked to her brother with a gentle sigh, he was surprisingly comfortable to be around. Maybe it was just appearance, maybe it was blood, but she never really had much of a problem with him when they met before. "I don't think I need anything. Uh, Mom's going to be here soon, by the way."

"Mom?" He quickly looked down and yelped. "I'm not wearing anything appropriate, I've been working all day!" He tugged at his shirt and looked back to his bedroom, he may need to change his clothes rather quickly. "This is so-wait…" He visibly winced and looked to Melanie with curiosity. "Did she say I could call her that? I mean, it's a bit sudden yeah, but I've never really had a mom and well, last few weeks and all…"

"You can ask her that yourself, probably. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Beck nodded and walked over to the kitchen area. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, then turned to lean forward on the counter. "I'm surprised, I didn't think you'd be nervous."

"Yeah, I guess that's what happens when life throws you those curveballs and stuff." She could definitely agree to that, she was still just a little miffed at Sam for having started dating Freddie while she still had a little thing for him. "Surprised Jade went over there, she didn't tell me she was going to do that. I've never known her to be that interested in people."

"She said she wanted to get to know your family, and I guess she wants you to be happy too." She caught a smile from him and grinned in return, it surprised her to see he wouldn't think Jade would do something so nice for someone. At least she knew she'd do the same for someone she loved. "You said she has family up here, who is it?"

"Her grandparents, they're really wealthy. I think that fact annoys the hell out of Jade…" A gentle knock came from the door and Beck moved his eyes over. Knowing it was Pam, Melanie quickly shot over and opened the door. Beck winced as Pam walked in, she seemed to be very nicely dressed. "I'm sorry I look like…" He looked down at himself, then back to Pam, who was eyeing his reaction with amusement. "Well I look like I just got out of a sweatshop."

"It's okay, I'm not worried about it," Pam replied as she walked into the apartment. She eyed the front room and smiled. "Nice place, I was actually going to offer to let you stay with us."

"You'd do tha-I mean, I wouldn't want to impose. I'm emancipated, so I figured I needed to make the best use of that." Pam nodded and walked over to the couch, brushing her fingertips along the arm. Melanie looked to her mother and could tell by the look in her eyes that she really wanted to know Beck, she'd really been hoping he would move in with them.

"I suppose it would be for the best. Is this couch the best looking thing in the house?"

"I imagine so." Pam chuckled dryly and Beck was beginning to fret. Melanie took her seat and started thinking about how the two of them could actually have a conversation. What do you say to a child born out of an extramarital affair anyway? Do you treat them like a part of the family? In a sense, he is a part of the family. She couldn't even imagine what kind feelings Beck was having right now, with the way he found out. Pam cleared her throat and closed her eyes, probably trying to think of something, anything to say to clear the awkward silence in the air.

"Okay, so even though Sam's not here right now, I think she would understand what I'm about to say…" Melanie raised her eyebrow and Beck seemed to hold his breath. "I've given a lot of thought to this over the last few weeks, and it seems that this is the best decision I could come up with. Affair or no affair, you're a part of this family. We can all choose to accept that and treat each other as such, or we don't. I move that we do, we put all this awkwardness behind us and just act like a family, because that's what we are. I don't know what kind of man your father's been the last, however many years it's been since he ran off, I've stopped counting. The thing is, no divorce was filed, which means any children brought into the marriage, are by law counted as the child of the married couple. So you're my son, Beck. Like it or not, you are my son and the brother of Sam and Melanie. Got that?"

Melanie's lips parted and for a brief second, she was speechless. Beck was in the same state of surprise. How had Pam not told her anything about her thoughts? Then again, she stayed pretty cooped up lately, closing herself off into her bedroom. To Melanie's opinion, Beck looked ready to cry, it seemed he was caught up in a mixture of emotions. This came to no surprise to Melanie, who was currently feeling the aftershock inside of her, stirring up a variety of feelings that she just couldn't explain.

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, I think we should act like it. Any word from your father?"

"No, I told him not to call me…I'm done with that guy." Pam nodded and moved over to Beck, giving him a comforting hug.

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. It isn't your fault."

"Kind of sucks thinking I was a mistake, you know…"

"You weren't a mistake Beck, trust me you were not a mistake. Yes you resulted from an affair, but whatever the case, you're here for a reason."

"I suppose…" Melanie's heart sank as she heard the uncertainty in his voice, it seemed he really was taking this harder than she thought. She knew her mother had to still be taking things really hard, because while she forgave the affair so long ago, this was the first she'd heard of a child being produced from it. "I just wish he would have at least have had the sense to be honest. Even when mom died, I was five years old…he could have just come back here and brought me along couldn't he?" Pam pressed her lips together and looked to Melanie. Melanie shrugged lightly and quickly stood up, she knew they needed a family bonding time together, they'd have to get that some time, why not now?

"Hey Mom, Beck, I have an idea for us to do something!" The two looked warily at her as she stepped forward and held her hands behind her back. She was grinning with pride as suggestions ran through her mind. Could they do a movie? Maybe, but it would be dark and there was little time to talk or have fun, so that was out of the question. An arcade would be too noisy and a dinner was just poorly timed, considering Sam was actually on a date with Freddie and probably was eating.

Pam turned fully to her daughter and tilted her head. Her eyes were glistening with wonder and concern. "What's your idea?" An old classic came to mind and Melanie quickly clasped her hands together.

"I say we find Sam, I'm assuming she's done with her date or getting close to finished, and we all go out to play some Mini Golf!" Beck raised his eyebrow and a slow smile grew on Pam's face. It was perfect, Melanie knew her mother wouldn't resist it, they'd gone there so many times when they were younger. "Beck, I think you should take a shower, get changed, and we should all go. Mom? What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea."

"Awesome!" She cheered happily and looked over to Beck, her head was lifted with a high feeling of hope and wonder. "Beck? What do you say? Just you, me, Sam, and Mom, all playing Mini Golf."

"Well…" Beck rubbed his neck and looked towards his bedroom with a nervous chuckle. Melanie looked towards the room and back to Beck, she figured he could finish later. He sighed and smiled, nodding his head. "Right on, I love golf!"

"Then let's get ready!"

* * *

><p>Aw a family moment, and Beck is a part of the family, officially ^_^.<p> 


	32. Brothers Through and Through

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 32 (Brothers Through and Through)<p>

Freddie and Sam were cuddled up on his living room sofa watching the television, they were relatively surprised with the level of relaxation that Marissa had with them dating, but Freddie had attributed it to her dating Michael. There was that, but there was also the factor that she'd been taking some psychology counseling as well as parenting sessions, it was actually through these things that she met Michael. Their mutual therapist had a group therapy session with all the clients of his that needed help with their parenting skills, surprisingly his clients all went for this. Marissa explained that when she and Michael met, they just clicked, and had been friends ever since. One thing led to another and Michael eventually braved the courage to ask her out, and she accepted.

"You think you and Jonah might become brothers?" Freddie chuckled as Sam cuddled closer to him. How did he feel about the possibility of Jonah becoming his step brother and their parents marrying? He liked the thought, so perhaps it could happen. Sam moved her hand to his chest and he puffed it out for her. She raised her eyebrow as he smirked and flexed his muscles, trying to show off. "Really Freddie? You don't need to show off." She chuckled as he shrugged and relaxed his body.

"I know, it's just fun to do. As for Jonah, yeah I think we could get along as brothers. I mean, we're practically brothers as it is." To him, nothing would change if Marissa and Michael were to end up together. Right now, Marissa and Michael had gone off to Nebraska to help his family pack and make a move over to June's new farm, where Jonah and Olivia were currently helping to unpack all things from their prior house. Everyone hoped to have everything done by the end of the weekend, or by the end of the following week. "The whole house all to myself, I'm loving this."

"You saying you never get to have the place to yourself?"

"Not all that often." He chuckled and leaned his head back against the couch. His chest was on fire, but it wasn't anything Sam was doing. It was the time of year again, one year to the day he saw the Shadow Hammer rob the Groovy Smoothie. He had done nothing, unable to move, fear and rage had begun gnawing at him as he watched the man scuffle with T-Bo before running off.

"Are you okay Freddie?" He lifted his head and met her worried gaze with a frown, he was afraid of letting his thoughts pull him into that depressive mind state while he was with her. His lips curled upwards and he nodded his head.

"No worries, Sam." He lifted his hand and ran his fingers through her golden curls. He was completely entranced by her beauty, but that was no surprise to him. Even before she kissed him that day during the lock down, he'd started feeling something for her but he was starting to throw out the possibility due to her mischievous actions against him. When that love calculator detected who he assumed was Brad, he was a bit jealous, but he had to fight it. Hell, he didn't think she'd want to be with someone like him anyway, not with the pain he'd been harboring. Then she kissed him. Everything changed in a single moment. He smiled and caressed the back of his fingers along her smooth cheek. She moved her wide, blue eyes into his and smiled back at him. "You're stunning, you know that Sam?"

"Thanks Freddie…" She hugged him and rested her head upon his shoulder. "I didn't think anyone could make me feel so…I don't know, happy?"

"I try." He kissed her forehead and leaned back on the couch, sighing softly as he closed his eyes. Would she really be happy with him? Could he make her happy? He wanted to, god knows that's the truth. He took a deep breath and rubbed Sam's arm as a thought slowly came to his mind. "You know, out of us two…myself and Jonah, which one of us do you think had more anger or got into more trouble?" He felt her weight shift and opened his eyes to see her looking at him with confusion.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just curious."

"I don't think either of you are all that aggressive, honestly." She leaned back into his arms and stared at the television, they'd gotten so wrapped up in each other that they forgot what it was they were watching. "As for which of you probably got into the most trouble in your life…I'd guess Jonah?"

"Jonah?" He watched her nod and chuckled inwardly as he brought his head back to the back cushions. He closed his eyes and breathed out as he felt her gently rest her head back onto his chest. While it was true Jonah had a rough upbringing, it was actually false that he got into trouble more. Freddie had more anger, more reason to get into trouble, and he did just that. It was Jonah that helped him to truly calm down, once he discovered a life Freddie had started getting into, a past that the two swore never to speak of. If asked how Rodney knew where Jonah's house was, most would assume stalking was the case, as it was very likely. However, Freddie was fully to blame for leading Rodney directly to Jonah's house. Freddie's lips fell into a frown as the memory of the fateful night from so long ago seemed to seep from the deepest and darkest regions of his mind.

_A young, thirteen to fourteen year old Freddie Benson walked with Rip-off Rodney, his eyes were bloodshot and his body covered in sweat. He'd met Rodney just two or three months ago, the guy felt sorry for him or some bull like that. He hadn't told Jonah about it, considering they were going through a momentary rift in their friendship. It pissed him off to think Jonah could possibly hurt Sam in such a way. He knew Jonah was a better person than that, but still it was wrong! Jonah had tried to talk to him in the halls, but Rodney was always there. In the back of his mind, he could hear Rodney's voice telling him to let his anger rise, or maybe that was the drugs talking._

_ Drugs. The solution. Alcohol. The escape. Rodney provided this. It was so much better than what Jonah's friendship had given him, a way to escape the pain left over from his father's murder. Fuck the Shadow Hammer, he'd let the drugs and alcohol provided by Rodney do the talking!_

_ Revenge, retaliation, all the pain that Jonah's father caused him by withdrawing. This could at least do Jonah _one_ good thing, it would mean getting back at Jonah's father as well. He stumbled to the left and moaned as the alcohol continued to burn his throat, what the hell had Rodney given him? It had an XXX on the bottle. His vision was blurry, but it seemed his strength was up. God, he wasn't addicted to this shit, he really wasn't. The girls didn't know, they could never know. Jonah could never know. _

_ His sweaty hands gripped the metal bat tightly as they approached Jonah's dimly lit house. He knew around this hour Michael would have his usual doctor appointments and Olivia would still be in school, but Jonah might not be. He wasn't sure, to be brutally honest. _

_ This wasn't right, this wasn't what he was supposed to be doing. His heart beat erratically as he contemplated backing out. He knew it would be the right thing to do, but the rush of the adrenaline seemed too much. He'd not been involved in this for long, but he could definitely see himself feeling this rush again, even if it defeated the purpose of his father or was in spite of his best friend. _

_ "Rodney, why are we doing this?"_

_ "Just think man, you avenge your friend for Jonah's cheating on her. The bastard deserves it anyway." Freddie moaned inwardly as the two of them approached the car. "You also help out Jonah get back at his father by trashing the car. Once you've done this, you can use all that extra anger to find the shadow hammer guy! Yeah get pumped up man!"_

_ "Yeah…" Freddie bounced in his step and shook his muscles as he raised the bat. He let out a loud shout and started to bring the bat down against the car._

_ "Freddie?" He froze, his eyes wide. Thinking fast he turned to face his best friend, who was standing just ten feet away. He could see the rising upset flowing through his friend. What was he doing? _

_ "Jonah forgive…"_

_ "What are you-have you been drinking?" His appearance betrayed him, now Jonah knew. There was no getting past that. Jonah narrowed his eyes and stared at him with disbelief and shock. "Drugs too? What the hell is wrong with you?" He heard Rodney give a chuckle and watched as Jonah's head snapped to Rodney. "Oh great! That explains it. You've been hanging out with the school's resident druggie, no wonder I haven't been able to talk to you. Are you seriously trying to destroy my father's car?"_

_ "You earned it." His words slurred together and Rodney's smirk deepened. In a flash, he did something he never would have done before, he charged Jonah with the bat raised. Although, he wasn't very fast and his balance was throwing him off towards the side. As he brought the bat down upon his friend, his eyes betrayed his true feelings and horror shot through his body._

_ Jonah's arm flew up and his hand caught the bat. "Look, I _know_ I fucked up, okay? I've been trying to tell you that! I'm not letting you become a druggie, Freddie, there's better ways to resolve your anger you know." Freddie gasped as Jonah pulled the bat from him. In what seemed almost an instant, Jonah had him in a headlock and pinned against the ground. "I'm sorry about this, but it's for your own good right now."_

_ A sudden pain hit him in the neck and his vision almost instantaneously went to black. When he awoke, he found himself on Jonah's living room couch, the lights were out and he had a damp washcloth on his head. Ten year old Olivia was watching cartoons and the kitchen light was on. He felt a joyous feeling inside of him as he listened to his friend's sister laugh, but then he remembered the earlier events and started to frown. What had he done? Had he really tried to bust up Jonah's car?_

_ His eyes flew to the kitchen and he saw Jonah walking out with a towel on his shoulder. Jonah's eyes moved from Freddie to Olivia. "Olivia, it's past your bedtime you know."_

_ "Aw but you said I could stay up, brother!"_

_ "I know, but it's almost eleven and you have school tomorrow. Go to bed." The young girl huffed and crossed her arms, but obeyed her brother. Freddie slowly sat up, wincing as his head started to pound. He groaned and felt his body burning with agony. "Good to see you're awake, Freddie. I assume you have a headache?"_

_ "What happened?"_

_ "You were drunk and under the influence of drugs. What the hell were you thinking!" Sparing no sentiment for the aching head, Jonah made his way over and smacked Freddie upside the head. The pain spiked up and he let out a loud shout, his hands flew to his head and he bent forward, weeping softly. "What the hell were you doing hanging with Rodney? Look, I know I fucked up. I fucked up big time. But we've been friends ever since we were kids, why the hell would you try to attack me?"_

_ "I'm sorry, that…that wasn't me, I swear! I promise you, I would never do something like that!"_

_ "I know you wouldn't" Jonah sat next to him and pat his back, staring ahead at the wall in front of them. "We all do crazy things Freddie, we all do things that personally, we would and should never do. I just wish you told me what you'd gotten involved with earlier, I could have done something! Did you think those were going to be your solution for everything?"_

_ "I-I don't know what I thought." He bowed his head, guilt and shame ate away at him. "Rodney used my anger…what would he have against you?"_

_ "Same thing everyone at that school does, I tried to cheat on one of the most popular kids there." Freddie let Jonah's words sink in and chuckled dryly, he never thought Sam and Carly were _that _popular. "Ever since my actions, Rodney's been leading the force against me. How did he get you onto drugs man? How'd he get you on his side?"_

_ "I don't know…"_

_ "How long?"_

_ "Maybe a couple weeks…We met a little bit before what you did. After that, he could tell I was angry I guess…he gave me something he said would 'help' my anger at everything."_

_ "Well I have news for you…doesn't help." Freddie groaned and closed his eyes, he was beginning to feel physically and emotionally sick. "Look, I don't care that you did what you did, let's just call it even? I fucked up, you fucked up, we're both fuck ups." Freddie chuckled and lifted his head, tears were streaming down his cheeks. It was an embarrassment. Jonah smirked and tilted his head. "Aw, do you need a tissue?"_

_ "Oh shut it." He laughed once and turned his head away. "I'm really sorry Jonah, I really am."_

_ "I know you are buddy, and I know the hangover you're having right now is probably hell." Freddie winced as his head pulsed once more. He met Jonah's eyes and slowly nodded. "I bet that'll make you think twice before doing a damn thing with Rodney again, huh?"_

_ "Yeah…ow…" It hurt just to talk. He didn't think he could move very well either. "What happened to Rodney?"_

_ "Scared him off with the bat. The guy's really just a coward that hides behind people and manipulates them. Seriously, not hard to see that in him when you're wandering the halls. Anyway, I called up Ms. Benson and told her you were resting over here. I suggest you sleep on the couch the night and get all that stuff out of your system before tomorrow. You've been asleep nearly seven hours."_

_ "I'm sorry Jonah."_

_ "Look, cut the apologies. I probably deserved it too. You know I am sorry for what I did, right?"_

_ "I know, you've been under a lot of stress lately."_

_ "Still wasn't an excuse."_

_ "There wasn't an excuse for what I just did…" He felt himself trembling and felt Jonah smack his shoulder. _

_ "Tell you what, how about we start fresh here? We both fucked up, we both know that, no one else needs to know that. Right?" He raised his eyebrow and lifted his head silently, staring curiously into Jonah's eyes. "At least what happened tonight. Just forget it. I mean sure we can't simply forget, but the least you can do is not make the same mistake. I won't let you make that same mistake, and isn't that what friends are for? To keep the other from making the same mistake?"_

_ "So…we can still be friends?"_

_ "Dude we're brothers through and through, maybe not blood, but close enough. There is no separating that." Jonah smiled at him and Freddie grinned back, the joy of realizing he still had a friend seemed to erase the pain his body was in. _

_ "Thanks bro. Let's make a pact?"_

_ "All right, what pact is that?"_

_ "No matter what, we stick together. If something happens, we talk it out, we help each other…"_

_ "Isn't that what we've been doing up until the whole thing with iCarly?" _

_ "Yeah…" He knew Jonah had been upset with him since iCarly begun, as he'd been spending less time with him and more time with the girls. At least he knew they could try to work with each other on whatever problems they had._

Freddie opened his eyes and heard a very light snoring sound, he looked to Sam and saw she was asleep. He chuckled and turned his gaze to the television, grunting slightly. "Yeah…Jonah's not quite the aggressive one." Neither of them were at this point, but if he knew one thing, those few weeks he'd hung with Rodney, he probably was more of a troublemaker than Jonah could ever have hoped to be. Fortunately for him, Jonah helped him curb that part of his life.

The fact that no one got hurt in what happened so long ago and Jonah was the only one around, meant there was no reason for anyone to worry. He breathed in and smiled slightly as he watched Sam stir awake. She looked up at him with half lidded eyes and smiled. "Hey there handsome…"

"Hey, have a good nap?"

"Feels like it, you know you have a comfortable chest?"

"Thanks." He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her in a firm hug. As their gazes were locked, a knocking sound was heard at the door. Without budging, Freddie called for the person to simply enter. When they did, he heard Beck clear his throat and quickly released Sam. With a nervous chuckle, he rubbed his neck and stood up with his girlfriend. Sam smiled at her family and quickly hurried over to them.

"Mom, Mel, Beck, what are you guys doing here? You actually talked?" The surprise was catching Freddie as well, considering he was almost certain Melanie wouldn't be talking to Beck anytime soon. He was almost proud! "So what's going on?"

Melanie stepped next to Sam with a bounce in her step. "We decided to have a family day and night, we're going to go to the Mini Golf and we want you to come with us." Sam gasped and quickly turned to Freddie, almost questioning his approval. He shrugged and she turned back to her family.

"I'd love to! Does Freddie get to come along?"

"Well, we kind of want it to be family still, but that's up to him." He raised his eyebrows as the family looked at him, almost awaiting his response. He really didn't care to go golfing, the memory he'd just had was burdening him a bit and he didn't feel like he wanted to be a downer for anyone. He waved his hand through the air and shook his head.

"I'm good. Go have fun, all right."

"Okay!" Sam hugged him and gave him a peck on the lips. "I'll talk to you later!" He smiled back and nodded slowly.

"Let me know how it goes."

"I will."

It seemed to go by a bit too quickly, within moments Sam and her family were gone. He hoped they had a great time bonding together, they really deserved it.

* * *

><p>Yikes, so now we know just how Jonah, Freddie, and Rodney know each other. Good to see Jonah and Freddie held that strong bond, they're truly brothers. Though, I'd be concerned for Sam, Freddie <em>does<em> have a lot of pent up anger. Stick around for the next chapter, where at least one person does become the brunt of Freddie's anger.


	33. The Right Choice

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 33 (The Right Choice)<p>

Freddie took his seat in front of the television and propped his heels up onto the coffee table, he had absolutely no idea what to do now as boredom began to bite at his heels. He knew Jonah was too busy to hang out, but the thought did occur to him that he could possibly go and help his friend with the move. He did wonder if Rodney was able to track Jonah there, probably not, as June and the others had some very specific directions and instructions on how to keep low enough that Rodney might not find them. Besides that fact, they would also allow for June to grab the stuff from the house during the hours Rodney was at school, therefore allowing her to grab a good majority of the items Jonah and Olivia marked as important. As for Freddie, he knew he needed to be careful when going to the house, as the guy did know how to follow him.

Today would not be a good time for him to head over to Jonah's, considering it was the weekend and Rodney was probably out and about. With the mind of the stalker, he couldn't help but to wonder who Rodney might be stalking today. It was difficult to guess, but he knew just about everyone involved was getting warnings and threats from the old rip off artist. It pissed him off pretty badly just imagining what Rodney could be doing. _"Maybe I should call around and check on people."_

He took a deep breath and pulled his phone from his pocket. Would Rodney dare to stalk Carly? Spencer? Would he be stalking Valerie right now? Thinking of the person that Rodney had the most interest in, he called up Valerie. He was pretty sure she was out shopping with her mother somewhere. As he rested the phone against his ear and started watching the television, the news popped up with an urgent news report. A small time convenience store was being robbed.

Freddie leaned forward and narrowed his eyes as he listened to the alert, they were saying that all the cameras had been cut and the robber had a partial mask on his face, like a masquerade mask of sorts. In recent years, it was the new thing that the Shadow Hammer had started to do. He let out a thick growl and started wondering if he should go try to subdue the man, but he knew better. By now, the Shadow Hammer was likely already gone. The news and police were almost always late and nothing ever traced to the right guy.

"Freddie, is that you?" Valerie's rushed voice came onto the phone as his eyes moved to a car in the parking lot of the store. There were about five cars, two mustang convertibles, one ford explorer, one four door truck, and purple SUV. The van, he recognized, it was the car belonging to the Williams family!

"Valerie? I was just checking up on you, I was bored so I thought I'd give my friends a call…" He spoke calmly and slowly, just in case he was being deceived by the television.

"Freddie, now's _really_ not a good time. The store I'm at is being robbed!"

"I see the news, is it the Shadow Hammer?"

"Yeah, he's still here too." That was new, what could keep the guy so interested that he'd still be at the store. "There's another thing, I think mom and I were being followed around all day. I'm scared, where's Jonah?"

"He's helping with the move to his cousin's farm." Just then, a crazy thought hit him and he quickly rose to his feet. "Hold on Val, things are going to be just fine."

"Freddie?" He heard voices in the background ordering all people to keep their phones off. That voice was instantly recognizable, it was _him_. He ran out of his apartment and eventually made his way to the parking lot, while holding his phone to his ear still. Valerie was breathing hard, but at least it was a way to know she was still there. "The police can't get in, the robber has hostages, and he's arguing with one of them, but I can't make out who that is." Her voice was quieter now, perhaps due to the robber's last statement. Perhaps he wasn't so focused on all the hostages.

Hatred flooded his veins as he made his way to the parking lot of the store, he didn't care too much about the police already there, he was going to sneak in through the back and take out this man one way or another. "Valerie, take a deep breath and relax. I'm going to sneak in and I'm going to take out the Shadow Hammer."

"What? Are you crazy?" He cracked his neck and felt the fire licking him all around. His eyes shone with murderous rage as the memory of his father's death played over and over in his mind. Revenge was going to taste sweeter than honey.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." He reached under his seat and started fiddling around for that crowbar of his. He heard Valerie scream and the phone went silent, his eyebrows rose sharply and he leapt out of the vehicle. The Hammer was _dead_. He finally felt cold steel and pulled the crowbar out from the chair, it had been hidden away for a very long time. There was only one person he ever wanted to use it on, and that was the Shadow Hammer himself.

He made his way around the back where there were no police, it was surprising to see that they'd not surrounded the entire place, but perhaps they didn't account for the back door. He pressed his lips tightly together as the murderous blood ran with a certain thickness through his veins. His heart was pumping out more adrenaline than he'd ever thought possible.

He didn't want Valerie or anyone to see him take out the Shadow Hammer, he didn't want people to view him either as a hero or a violent man. He was not violent. Sure he had some issues with anger, but here he was facing the source of that anger. He ran his tongue across his lips and slowly opened the door. He'd tracked the Hammer enough to know that he worked alone most times. There were some special occasions where he might have one other accomplice, and now the man had taken to using heavy artillery along with his trademark hammer.

As he stepped into the darkness of the store, he could hear Valerie screaming. The Hammer was cussing and telling her to be quiet, but someone else was around. This person was grunting, as if they were holding Valerie and trying to restrain her. "If you want her so fucking badly, then hurry it up. The cops are outside and I have to leave, I don't give a fuck what happens to you." He threw the man's words out of his mind, focusing solely on this man. Whoever had Valerie, he'd deal with that person after dismembering the Hammer.

He heard someone say something, but wasn't too sure who it was or what they said. The Hammer simply replied that he did not know the man, nor did he care. It sounded as though Valerie's constant struggling was becoming an issue and the man wanted the Shadow to help him get her out. Freddie sneered and turned his eyes to the pointed ends of the crowbar, he could just picture the Hammer skinned alive. Sure, no one would approve of this method of revenge, but the man deserved it after what he put Freddie through. _"You killed my father, now you're going to die." _ Just as he made his way down the hall, he saw the man come into view and quickly pressed his back against the wall. His eyes widened and his chest heaved. What the hell was he doing? He was no killer. While this was true, he just couldn't ignore the anger and the hatred inside of him. The power was just too great.

"Fine I'll help you out the back, I need to make my escape anyway. You go your own fuckin' way and I'll go mine. Have fun with the girl." His eyes narrowed as he watched the Hammer step into the hallway. His hand became tighter around the crowbar and his teeth ground against each other. His eyes fell onto the man's neck, just underneath that bearded chin. He watched as the Adam's apple rose and fell. That right there, he would tear it out.

The man turned around and Valerie let out another muffled shout as he grabbed her and pulled her down the hall. Freddie's eyes widened as he watched. They tied her hands up and gagged her. His eyes darted to the Shadow Hammer and his hand twitched. All he needed was one good blow. He started to raise his crowbar, but as it reached the peak of his swing, he froze. His eyes widened remarkably when he saw who it was that had Valerie originally.

Rodney!

His arm fell and his heart began racing as the two men made their way outside. Had his eyes just deceived him? The Shadow Hammer would never work with someone like that, but then, the man seemed to not care too much what Rodney was doing. So maybe he didn't actually count it as working with him.

Thinking fast and regaining his awareness, he followed the men out the back door. The Shadow Hammer had his bags of money while Rodney clutched Valerie's arm. "Remember kid, you talk and I'll find you. You don't want me to find you, because if I do, I'll kill you. Got that?"

"Whatever Hammer, I got my girl." Freddie swallowed hard and watched as Rodney began running off to the left, pulling an unwilling Valerie along with him. The Hammer ran off to the right, taking his stuffed bags. He whined and lifted his eyes skyward, what a time to have to make the right decision!

Either he could go after the Shadow Hammer, stop him and let the police take him, or personally kill him and wind up in a bit of trouble with the law himself. Or, he could go after Rodney and get Valerie away from him. Whichever way he went, he knew the other would be gone until god really knew when.

The crowbar slipped from his hand and landed next to a two foot, heavy metal pole on the ground. He played the consequences in his mind, but he really didn't have to. He knew if he let the Shadow Hammer go, sure the serial robber would keep hitting stores, not being found or caught by anyone, but at least Valerie would be okay. If he let Rodney go, the Hammer would be caught, but for what cause? Valerie going missing and possibly not showing up until she was found half naked in a ditch somewhere? Freddie rolled his eyes and sighed, he really had to stop watching _Forensic Files_ and _CSI_ so much.

Thinking fast he moved his hands to his lips and quickly kicked the pole forward. "Valerie! Jump!' Valerie gasped and looked back, jumping in time to avoid getting hit by the rolling pipe. Rodney, on the other hand, was caught off guard by Freddie's voice and was soon toppling onto the ground due to tripping over the pipe. "Come over here! Hurry!"

Rodney grabbed at her from the ground, but she was quick on her feet. Freddie eyed the distance and frowned, the Hammer was likely long gone by now. Once Valerie was next to him, he quickly untied her wrists and pulled her gag from her mouth. "Thanks Freddie."

"No problem, get back inside to your mom." Valerie nodded and rushed inside as Freddie leaned over and grabbed the crowbar from the ground. Rodney stood to his feet and growled. Freddie merely smirked. "You were expecting to simply get away? You want to fight, Rodney? We can do that."

"Yeah whatever, Benson."

"You'd better be careful Rodney, the police can still get you. I wouldn't be too worried about them, though…_Shapiro_." Rodney grit his teeth and stepped back, glaring spitefully at Freddie. Valerie poked her head from the doorway and lifted her eyebrows up. Freddie heard the door creak and glanced back to her. "Go back inside, I'm sure your mom's worried."

"I know, it's just…yeah you're right…" The door closed and Freddie cracked his neck to the side while taking a dangerous step towards Rodney. "You see Rodney, I remember everything about our so called 'friendship' three years ago. It doesn't take much to get a stoner to reveal every explicit detail about themselves. Nobody's going to feel sorry for you now, Rodney. Not after the things you've done."

"What are you talking about?" Freddie saw the fear in his eyes and watched the sweat beads start forming above the man's glasses.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You know, Beck tells us that the crazy woman's passed on now…passed away one or two years ago." Rodney's body began shaking as Freddie twirled the crowbar in his hands. He wasn't going to do anything with it, he just wanted to scare the guy a little. "You know, your mother was crazier than _mine!_"

"Shut up…"

"Your brother's little security blanket, I think he still carries it around. Maybe he wonders why you left him behind with those two parents, I know I wonder it. If it were me, I would have taken my brother with me. Hell Rodney, from what you told me three years ago, your parents were worse than Michael was when Jonah was a kid."

"They…did stuff…"

"They did drugs, they did a whole bunch of shit, and you took the brunt of it. And you know what? You let it fuck you up, you're not strong, you're _weak_. Maybe if you were to go to jail, it would keep you from being found by your family." He chuckled and moved his crowbar to his shoulder. "God if I were in your shoes Rodney, I'd rather be found by the police."

"What? You honestly think they'd know where to find me?"

"Oh yes, if they were watching that webshow." Add a little insult to injury, hit Rodney where his pride and ego were. That was his next thought, his next plan of action. He pointed his crowbar to Rodney and winked, clicking his tongue in addition. "You see, those three months, you might have wanted to go after Jonah for a little more than just what he did. It was fun, seeing you on drugs and seeing you reveal every little detail of your life to me. All the way from your little crush on Sam back then to how seriously, mentally deranged and fucked up your family was! I can use this against you, Rodney. Not as blackmail, because that would be for monetary purposes." Rodney's face darkened and his hands clenched into fists. Freddie licked his lips slightly and smirked. "You see, keep in mind that Beck still talks to his friends in LA, so there's the means of contact. Through Valerie, we know exactly where _you_ live." Rodney's eyes started to widen as Freddie beat the crow bar in the palm of his hand, bouncing it repeatedly. "You see where I'm getting at with this Rodney? All that child labor your parents made you do, all the drugs they did and drugs they tried out on you and your brother, all the child abuse you two suffered, the severe disgust of it…I can see why you would leave them and why you'd want them not to be able to find you. Just remember, Mr. Shapiro is just a login away." Rodney's face paled dramatically as Freddie took another step forward.

He knew full well what was meant by those words, he was no idiot. All they had to do was log into the instant messenger, contact Robbie and tell him to get Mr. Shapiro on the line. Then they'd tell the sick bastard exactly where to find Rodney. "Keep in mind that I probably wouldn't be the first person to do this, but if it came down to it I would. I mean they're still family and family has a right to see you. Seems kind of sad, the way Beck always says…Robbie would carry that puppet around, pretending you were still there. Pretending and hoping that you would come back to him. I guess those dreams were kind of shattered, weren't they? I wonder what's being done to his mentality these days."

"Fuck you, Benson. What the hell do you want?"

"What do I want? It's simple, really. All that animosity I hold inside of me? I can direct it to whomever I please, whenever I please. I have grade A control over it. So piss me off, and I direct it towards you…" He walked forward once more and pushed the curved end of the crowbar into Rodney's chest, pushing him back. "Stay the fuck away from Valerie, you hear me? You stay away from Sam too, while we're at it. I know a little paper won't do much, but let's hope my thr-no,_ promise_ will hold up better. You leave Valerie alone." Rodney scoffed and turned his head to the right. Freddie raised an eyebrow and lowered his arm. "What's so funny?"

"No dice man, Valerie's still my girlfriend whether she admits to it or not. You have no right to-" He quickly shut Rodney up by bringing the crowbar to his neck and sticking the prongs against him. Rodney swallowed hard and raised his eyebrows as Freddie leaned in closely.

"Now you know I'm not that violent, and I'm not a killer, but I also don't go back off my words. Valerie officially broke it off with you, you're done, and if you continue to stalk her or burglarize the homes of her friends, well then…" Rodney sneered and bat the crowbar away.

"You wouldn't." Freddie huffed and closed his eyes. He tilted his head and slowly moved his eyelids halfway up as he spoke in a mock concerned voice.

"Hello, Mr. Shapiro?" Rodney's eyes widened and his hands began to tremor once again. "My name is Freddie, I'm a friend of Beck Oliver. He told us about Robbie's brother and I felt really bad for you and your family, having struggled with Rodney's running away. If it pleases you, I have his home address." Rodney shook his head and slowly stepped back.

"N-No…" Freddie smirked dangerously and tossed his crowbar to the side as he took another step forward and began reciting the home address. "No! Shut up, stop it, no!" Rodney cupped his ears and with a loud exclamation, ran off into the distance. Freddie crossed his arms and chuckled, he knew it was wrong, but he'd been watching the 'bad cop' TV shows for far too long. If Rodney's whole world was fear, then why couldn't it be possible to shake him up with his very own medicine? If it worked, maybe he'd leave Valerie alone for a while. One thing Rodney surely learned to day, and probably regretted, unless you're sure it's not going to come bite you in the ass, don't tell someone your greatest secrets even while under the influence of drugs. Especially if that person is going to become your enemy and possibly quick tempered. Now if only he could do something about feeling pissed for letting the Shadow Hammer get away.

* * *

><p>Certainly the right choice was letting the Shadow Hammer get away, but not so sure about the threat, which I think is still considered blackmail. Damn, Rodney's family is messed up...At least we know why he's so screwed up. Freddie may be a bit too aggressive. Stick around for the next chapter, "A Friend's Concern"<p> 


	34. A Friend's Concern

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 34 (A Friend's Concern)<p>

Freddie stepped in front of his door and stopped just before grabbing the doorknob, he had a suspicious feeling weighing upon him. It was as if he felt something or someone was waiting for him inside, but that would be a preposterous assumption to make, wouldn't it? Paranoid, perhaps. Rodney could easily be waiting for him, revenge for the fear he just instilled in the poor sap. There was ample time, considering he had stayed behind to watch over Viola and Valerie, to make sure they were okay. Once they were together after that hell, they seemed to be okay.

When he left them, Valerie was trying to call her idol for some advice, as she didn't want to disturb Sam when Freddie told her that she was out mini-golfing with her family. She also didn't want to burden Jonah, but Freddie let her know it might be a good idea for her to call him and just talk to him, he would make her feel better. It had to be hell, nearly being pulled off by Rodney.

His head was pounding and his stomach was doing its typical flipping, he had gotten so damn _close_ to taking out the Hammer. Though, he knew he was going about it the wrong way. Violence never solved anything, and possibly killing the criminal like that could have put him into a lot of trouble. He knew he wanted to do the same to Rodney, just bash his skull in with that crowbar, but that would have been even worse than having killed the Hammer. He had to wonder, did the guy even feel like his life was in danger? He seemed in a hurry to get out of that place and Rodney clearly held him up from escaping.

He shrugged his shoulders and slowly opened the door, the lights and television were turned off, the first thing he noticed. He had left the house with the lights on and the television on, he was in too much of a rush to do anything about them. _"Okay so someone _has_ been in the house…"_ He raised his eyebrow and slowly closed the door behind him. As he crossed his arms and took a step forward, he scanned everything in front of him.

His mind started ringing out the concerns he had, hopefully Rodney hadn't decided to grow a pair and come kill him. Or maybe he had something worse coming his way, he wasn't entirely sure. He knew something wasn't right, there was a distinct feeling in the air that told him something was there, waiting for him. Good or bad, he wasn't entirely sure. "If there's anyone in my house, I'll give you a warning, I don't really get along all that well with intruders. So if you don't want your face smashed in by my fist, you better start doing some talking!"

He closed his hand up and moved closer to the couch, he hadn't thought about looking behind him. Why should he, when he just came from that direction? His mind told him to look behind him, but before he was able to do that, he felt someone shove him hard against the couch. "Freddie!"

His eyes widened as Carly's agitated voice exploded in his ears. He flipped over aggressively and was filled with panic when he met her eyes. His chest heaved and his body tensed, he could have fought back and seriously hurt her if she wasn't careful! As he studied her, he took note of how tense she was and how much aggressive emotions were in her eyes. He was detecting anger, a bit of fear, nervousness and concern. "Carly, what are you doing?" He pulled himself from her grasp and moved to the right end of his couch.

"I'm just going to come right out and say it. I was at the supermarket, I saw what happened with you and Rodney." Panic shot through him as his body froze and his mind started trying to think through what she'd just told him. She was _there_? She really had a habit of seeing things that she really didn't need to see. Though at least he knew why she would be giving off the things she was right now. "It sure seemed like you weren't there for him though…"

"His being there was a bit of a setback, I wanted the Hammer, but still…how did you see anything?" He straightened his shirt sleeve out, as she'd pushed it up accidently. He watched as she folded her arms over and stared at him. She didn't seem like she really knew what to say, he'd become good at reading through people in recent years. "And yes, I fully intended to catch the robber. One Rodney showed up, I figured it was more important to try and stop _him_. Though next time, I won't miss the Hammer."

"First off, I was going to the store to get some beans to go with dinner tonight, Sasha wants to make some rice and beans, but when I got there, the police were already there. I saw you drive up and go around back…Yes I snooped, but it seems I had a good reason. Freddie, you looked like you wanted to _kill_ someone!"

"Yeah, I wanted to tear off the robber's neck. I realized that would be wrong, so I didn't do it. Same thing goes for Rodney."

"That's another thing!" He arched his eyebrow as she threw her hands into the air and started to pace the floor. She quickened her voice and began prattling on. His only response was to roll his eyes and wait for her to finish. "The way you talked to him, it was like you _knew_ him! Friends, you were _friends_ with him once before? I don't understand how you can be friends with someone like him, not after all the things he did. Then you start talking about his family…I don't get it Freddie, I just don't get it! What's going _on_ with you? I've never seen that side of you…"

"Not many have." He slowly stood up and looked her straight in the eyes, he knew she had nothing to worry about, but the trick was convincing her of that. "I'm not a dangerous or violent person, and I really don't want to talk about my past."

"Well obviously not, I mean damn…how well do Sam and I really know you? Hm? How much do we know of you?"

"You know just about everything, besides a couple basic stuff. As well as the stuff I'd rather you didn't know…" She deserved an explanation for what she saw, he couldn't hide that from her. He couldn't be cold to her, just the same as he would never be cold to Sam. "Jonah's saved my life more than once, I'll give you that much. He's definitely not the aggressive one, though. I do well to hide it, but I do have problems with anger-"

"Figures, but god I hope you're not another Rodney for crying out loud!" She smacked her hand against her hip and his eyebrows shot up. He growled as a mild anger rose from that statement.

"I would _never_ be anything like him! I'm not Rodney, I wouldn't hit someone that I care about. The most I've ever done with him was three months back around the time when Jonah and Sam dated. Jonah and I had almost completely decimated our friendship over what happened…Rodney told me to use my anger and not put it away, then he managed to get me hooked on drugs. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want to know?"

She was frozen on the spot, her eyes widen and her hands shaking. He waited, giving her time to let the revelation that he'd been on drugs sink in. When she spoke next, her voice cracked and broke. "D-Drugs? Anger? Why…" He moved his eyes to the side and walked over to the light switch. It was way too dark in the place for them to be off, so he flipped them on and turned his head back to her while softening his breaths and trying to relax.

"I don't like it either, that's why only Jonah knows…"

"You told him but not us? Why?"

"Carly. Rodney almost got me to smash up their family car, I almost struck my best friend with a baseball bat." Her eyes widened tremendously as his throat clenched on the memory. He truly hated remembering that time and wished he could rid himself of it. "Jonah managed to put me out for a while. When I woke up, he sat down with me and we talked about what happened. We talked about everything. Hell, it's my fault that Jonah has to move now, because back then, _I_ was the one that led Rodney to his home. _I_ am the reason Rodney knew where Jonah lived."

"Come on Freddie…don't beat yourself up…" He crossed his arms and huffed. Who was she to tell him not to beat himself up? She was the one that had wanted to end iCarly over a few negative things.

"I've been doing that for years." He walked past her and started to straighten the red cloth that covered the coffee table. "Carly. The Shadow Hammer, the guy that killed my father…did so directly in front of me…" He closed his eyes and his face flinched with the horrid memory of his own father's blood splashing onto him. "I drove my mother crazy when that act changed me. She was already dealing with trying to cope with his loss, and I can't say I really helped her. I had so much hate, so much loathing, so much _guilt_ over thinking it was _my fault_."

"…Freddie…"

"I wanted to die, I wanted the hammer to die." He turned to her, fire splashing his eyes as his muscles tightened and anger slowly creeping up his back. "I spent years and years just trying to find him, trying to track him down. So yes, I stalked that killer, learned everything I could about him and learned his psychology. Mom went practically insane because I was always so…so different…I didn't know what to think when my best friend started dating Sam. Fuck, even Rodney had a thing for her." He scoffed and moved behind the couch, he felt her horrified eyes upon him and was waiting for her to leave him. To back out and never say another word to him, that was how much faith he put on her friendship at this point.

"I can't say taking those drugs did much, but at least Jonah still being my friend really helped. I wasn't as dependent on those drugs, but during that time, I learned so much about Rodney.."

"You…you could easily ruin his life forever…"

"His life's already ruined, Carly. He's already done. My promise to him wouldn't really matter much, since his family could find him anyway." His stomach churned as he thought back to Rodney, thinking back to that mindset he had. There was no reason to ever pity the guy, no matter what. That loathing he had for the Shadow Hammer, it was almost the same power and significance as his hatred for Rodney now. "Carly, you can't possibly imagine how sick and disturbed Rodney's family is…I doubt even Beck knows, but the history can probably explain why his friend Robbie kept that puppet. However, I do wonder if Robbie's drowning the puppet was significant for anything, I wouldn't put it past him to have a slowly deteriorating mental state as well."

"It's not my business to know about Rodney, but…" He tapped his chin and studied her eyes closely, she wanted to know. Maybe she wanted to know if she could help him, but there was no way for her to do that.

"You want to know. There's nothing iCarly can do for him."

"I'm not really worried about that…"

"You know, his family, as he grew up…he and his brother were abused by both their parents. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and I think sexually too. The parents took drugs, forced their kids to take the drugs as well…They were forced to do such strenuous physical labor, not quite the same stuff that someone who has gone through slave labor, such as Jonah's dad, per se, but still it was disgusting enough. Rodney ran from that, but he left his own brother behind to suffer." Carly's face appeared to twist in disgust and her skin started to turn green, imagining that horror was probably too much for her to hear.

"Okay, yeah…I think I'm going to puke…How can someone be that evil?"

"Who? Rodney or his parents?"

"Both! He left his brother behind for their sick and twisted games!"

"Robbie will never have a normal life, neither will Rodney. In truth, they'd be better off dead, but as I said…I'm not a killer."

"Could have fooled me back there…" Freddie held her stare for a minute and sighed in desperation. He slowly walked into his kitchen, Carly followed. As he opened the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water and tossed it to her. "Thanks." He shrugged and pulled one out for himself, took off the cap, and drank some of the liquid. She was still watching him closely, probably wondering about all the anger he had oozing out of him. "You won't be satisfied until you get justice for your father, isn't that it?"

"Hm?" He lowered the bottle and arched his eyebrow up as she walked over to him.

"I'm not worried about Rodney, but I am worried about you." He took a swig of his water and watched from the corner of his eyes as she leaned against the kitchen counter. "I'm worried that you may become obsessed with this Shadow Hammer guy and it's going to affect your relationships. Clearly it's affected your mother, as you just said. Eventually it's going to affect your relationship with Sam, and believe me…all that pent up anger inside of you could very well affect her in negative ways. You did good to not let Valerie, of all people, see you today talking to Rodney…"

He lowered the water and sighed as it splashed around inside him. "I know that." Carly moved from the counter and over to him, she placed her hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"I don't want anything to happen and I don't want to start anything, but I think it might be good for you to get some real help. Sure, Jonah's been a great friend to you, but just your friends alone…"

"I'm fine, Carly." He pushed away from her and groaned as he walked around the counter and made his way back to the living room. He was a bit put off by Carly's suggestion and preferred doing things in his own way. "All I want is to take out the Hammer, and you're right, I wouldn't be satisfied until he's either put away or dead. So maybe I obsess about the guy, but he murdered my father in cold blood, and there's something about being drenched in your father's brains that destroys a kid!"

"I know, I know it's hard for you. I can't possibly relate or know the exact right things to say to you, but you need something. You can't just ride on with this whole thing tormenting you, torturing you."

"I know everywhere that he's hit, I know everything about him, and I won't stop until he's no longer a threat to the streets. What's wrong with that?" She reached forward and put her hand on his arm, a gesture that comforted him a bit. He looked to the side and scrunched his forehead a bit as his hatred for that man rose up inside. "I won't sleep until then…"

"It's not a _bad_ quality Freddie. It would make you a good cop, like you always say you want to be. However, hunting him out with the intention of killing him, that is the bad quality. That makes you no better than he is, do you _want_ that? Do you want to be no better than your enemy or do you want to be better? Also, I personally think scaring Rodney like that doesn't make you much better than he is, I mean you don't see _Jonah_ doing it and he's falling for Valerie."

"You see it too, huh?"

"I'm not sure it isn't blatantly obvious to everybody and she's the only one that's oblivious to the fact." She lowered her arm and chuckled as Freddie slowly shook his head, he really had to tell Jonah it would be okay to just let Valerie know how he felt. "Either way, my point is, you _have_ to do something about all that anger inside of you. I mean it's easy to manipulate an angry person, cause as you said, Rodney almost managed to get you to destroy some stuff of Jonah's during that one time…"

"Yeah, I need to be more in control of my anger, but still…" He really wanted her to leave, he wasn't going to be rude, but he just couldn't stand this conversation. His mind wasn't on Rodney, it wasn't on himself, it was on the brutal massacre of his father that occurred just years ago.

"Just find someone to talk to that knows a bit more. Maybe look into some anger management classes, but I'm going to warn you: You need to take this anger issue head on while you're only seventeen. You can't afford to still have this problem when your older. I know you love Sam, but if you don't get rid of this problem…you risk hurting her, severely."

"I would never do to her what Rodney did to Val…" She pressed her lips together and dropped her eyes, a sign that made his heart crash down.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that at this point." Was she right? Did he run that risk? He didn't take drugs, he didn't drink, he only had an anger management problem. Nothing more. Though he knew in his heart she was right, the ones that couldn't keep a handle on their anger usually grew up to be controlling, abusive, intolerable. He swallowed hard and looked down to his hands as he imagined Sam in the same position that Valerie was in, abused and beaten down. Controlled. It disgusted him, it was making him hate himself. Carly pat his shoulder and started walking towards the door, stopping to look back at him with a look of sympathy. "Take my advice, trust me. You know it's wrong, so it's likely you wouldn't do anything to hurt her…because you _know_ better than that…but Jonah's dad also knew better."

"I wouldn't compare-"

"No, he suffered from flashbacks. Seeing what I saw today, seeing that in that snap decision you _could have_ gone after the Shadow Hammer instead of Rodney, which would have caused so much trouble…seeing how you affected Rodney in that way…you suffer from that difficult to control feeling, and the more you obsess, the more likely you are to lose yourself. Don't do that, Freddie. Stop thinking about the Hammer and think about Sam. Think about Jonah, think about Valerie. Can you do that?" He started to answer, but realized once she opened the door, her question was simply rhetorical. He lowered his arm and swallowed as she started walking out. "I'll talk to you later Freddie, I have to think about what to do for the next iCarly."

"Okay…" He turned his head as the door clicked shut, his eyes met the mirror hung on the far east wall and he seemed to focus upon his reflection. As he walked towards the mirror, he not only saw himself, but he saw his greatest enemy. His anger. He had crease lines in his forehead, very slight scowl lines and he wondered if they were actually there. He lifted his hand to touch his face and quietly turned his eyes downward. Was she right? Was his anger turning him into the one thing he never wanted to be? Was his obsession truly killing him? Perhaps he had more to work on than he thought. He pressed his lips together and slowly stepped back, he really did hate what he was becoming.

_"I want to be a good person."_ He couldn't see himself becoming someone bad, someone who would hurt anyone or anything. He knew from the past that Sam could really get him irritated, and sure he thought about hitting her back then, but he never did. Yet the more he concentrated on the objects of his hate, the more his anger at everyone and everything grew. Just a year ago, he wouldn't have held that crowbar to Rodney's neck, he wouldn't have threatened the guy the way he did. So what did that mean for him the _next_ year, or the year after that? The words left his lips, but he hardly felt them. Everything around him was just darkening and he was almost certain, he was in deep trouble if he didn't change his ways soon. "I'm…becoming a monster…" Or at least, he was at risk of it.

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><p>Tell it like it is, Carly, protect your friend! I am at the point in my story where I have no idea if Freddie and Sam should split up or not. You know, the point where he comes out and tells Sam <em>everything<em> about his past. Including the drugs, the anger, the history with Rodney, the almost killing his best friend. Yeah, not looking good. What do you think? Should they split or should they not. I'm leaning towards not, but I don't know if there should be a fight or not. Next chapter, Freddie seeks Jonah.


	35. Seeking Help

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer:I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

Chapter35 (Seeking Help)

A couple hours passed by, he really wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there on his couch, staring at his reflection in the television screen in front of him. His reflection gazed back with cold, unfeeling eyes, just an image of who he was inside. Lacking the empathy, lacking the heart that he needed or thought he had, but driven by revenge and hatred, driven by anger. Rodney had _used_ that, he never thought much about it over the years, but now he understood it. Was he a bad person? Was he evil? No, he didn't think so, nor did Carly say he was, but he'd be damned if he didn't think it now.

He'd scared the shit out of Rodney, made him, of all people, practically crap his pants. There wasn't much a man driven by insecurities and fear could do against a man driven by anger and hate. It wasn't the first time he'd beaten Rodney, perhaps it wasn't a physical beating, but an emotional or mental one. What would he have done if Valerie or Sam saw that? How would they have reacted? He knew Jonah was there for him when he saw how bad things got, but he was different. He _understood_. The girls wouldn't likely understand. It was a miracle only Carly saw, but that was bad enough.

Freddie slowly turned his head to the glowing phone next to him, sounding off its alert for a text. His body was shaking and he could barely muster the courage to grab the item. He closed his eyes as cold liquid dripped from his eyelid. He hated to think of that reflection in the television, to think of _becoming_ that. He already was, though. He was beginning to notice all around him, he just had a hatred that was beginning to surface, something that he'd never noticed before.

He hated the extra large cup from the smoothie shop, he hated T-Bo going around carrying obscene items on a stick, he hated the way Gibby always took his shirt off at every flick of a wrist. His veins on his hand bulged as he ran through his mind, every single thing, small and large. He hated the old habits of his mother, putting him in those needless tick baths, he hated the blue lockers at the school, he hated Mrs. Briggs and Mr. Howard, he hated the way Sam used to beat him around constantly.

_If only someone would show her that being constantly beaten down was painful, she'd learn._

Freddie's eyes widened and a clawing sensation gripped at his heart and his stomach, his hand flew to his mouth as the bile rose up. Those words, they were spoken to him several years ago by Rodney while Freddie smoked the pot with him. The response was an agreeing statement, but he'd _never_ say that about Sam, or at least he'd never do anything to hurt her. That was the difference. Wasn't it? Wouldn't he?

He felt his body go cold as his arms worked against his mind, grabbing the phone and answering the text. His eyes absently read the words, Jonah was done helping on the family farm for the day and was at their usual gym.

_So why don't you do it?_

_ Nah, sure she pisses me off, but I wouldn't hit a woman._

_ How else is she going to learn? Punish her._

_ I don't know, dude._

Fear coursed through his veins as he gave in to his panic and let his legs take charge. His mind was racing as his heart was, pulsing with several extra beats a minute. His body was pumping the adrenaline as he charged down the hall and towards the stairwell, he could hear people opening their doors to watch him. He hated that, why couldn't they mind their own businesses and stay in their rooms?

This was beginning to be a problem. As he ran through the lobby, he was grateful not to hear Lewbert's cries for him to cease. He was almost certain he'd order the man to shut up. Why? Why was he so angry? Why did the world piss him off? Was it them? Was it him?

_"Dad!" The young boy cried, covered in his father's blood as he shook the man's body. Screaming with terror, the boy lifted his eyes to the man who killed his father, who destroyed his entire world in that moment. "I hate you! I hate you!"_

_ The Shadow Hammer looked back at him with a smirk and wiped some blood from his face with his thumb. "Sorry kid, look at it this way. Saved you the grief of wondering when your father will come home every time he's called out. Now he'll never come home. Do you think anyone cares?" The boy's heart clenched and fresh tears shot down his cheeks as the anger spiraled around his heart. "I suppose we'll meet again one day. Maybe not, but whatever the case, remember my face…you'll grow accustomed to it in your nightmares." Filling a kid's heart with fear and agony, was that how he controlled the situation?_

_ "He's my dad, he can't die! He won't die!" He buried his face in his father's shirt and sobbed as people started running around in the arcade, thinking only of themselves. "Help! Somebody help me! My daddy…" Nobody ran over to them, nobody cared. They were too busy trying to get out of the arcade to stop, too busy fearing for their own lives to help someone who was dying. "Please! Please!" His sobs choked him, strangling the life from him. How could this happen to him? How could this be possible? _

_ "No daddy, you can't die, you have to stay with me and with mommy." He sat up and pushed his father's chest, now the only person left in the arcade. "Please Daddy, please! Don't die!" He couldn't do it alone, he couldn't save his father and he knew it._

Freddie's tears drenched down his chin as he hopped into his car and shot out of the parking lot, thinking only of that moment, when it all began. It was then that his hatred for the world came, would his father have made it out alive if someone only stopped to help? The rest of the police hadn't even arrived on the scene for another five minutes. By the time the paramedics came in, his father's body was cold and white as a ghost.

_ No one helped you two._

Hearing Rodney's voice in his head, manipulating that anger and controlling him, it just wasn't right, but he brought it upon himself. Those words, again, had been told to him ages ago. It was to the point, he wished he never met the guy.

What was that moment, when they had been selling penny tees with the children a few years back? Sam did something to him and he wanted to stab her with that knife. It was a silly thing, wasn't it?

Stabbing her though, that was something that wouldn't have been funny at all, it was wrong and he knew it. He loved her, why would he, how could he possibly hurt her in such a way? He would _never_ hurt her!

The car came speeding to a halt in a parking spot in front of the gym's front door. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to simmer down and relax, if at all possible. He moved from his car, the world around him seemed to slow as he felt himself becoming more and more aware of the anger inside him.

Why hadn't he been aware of this before? Why had he only become aware of it when Carly pointed it out? Had he been living a life of trickery, a life of ignorance? Was he fucking _blind!_ Thinking to himself on the misery of his feelings, he walked to the front doors of the gym and into it.

Immediately the familiar smell of sweat and the sounds of people pushing themselves with the weights struck him, he and Jonah had spent countless hours hanging out there. They always wanted to keep their strength up.

As he walked through the people on their weights, he found Jonah in their usual spot, the empty group of benches in the back next to the rack of dumbbells. Jonah was lying on his back, lifting two fifty pound dumbbells directly above him. He was wearing the typical white t-shirt and short jeans. "Hey, Jonah."

"Freddie?" Jonah lifted his head up and brought the dumbbells down. He slowly sat up and set them on the ground, then grabbed the towel on his shoulder and wiped his face. "What's up? I didn't know you were going to be heading over here. How was your date with Sam?"

"It was good, she went out with her family to the golfing range." He walked over to the dumbbells and grabbed off two thirty pounders. His stomach continued to churn as he clicked his tongue and moved to a bench next to Jonah. "Do you think I've got anger issues?"

"Do I? Why would you ask that?"

"Carly pointed it out and…well I scared the shit out of Rodney."

"Again? Man, when are you going to leave that prick alone? You've already got one vendetta against the Shadow Hammer, you don't need another vendetta."

"It's already _formed_, Jonah." He set one dumbbell on the ground and gripped the second with his hands and moved it behind his head. He brought his hands down and pulled up with a grunt. "Valerie call you?"

"Yeah, she told me what happened. She wanted to be alone with her family, so I'm here."

"You want to be there for her, don't you?" He smirked as Jonah shrugged and looked off to the distance.

"From how you're talking, I'm guessing you're not here to talk about whether I want to be with Valerie or not."

"Nah, already know how you feel about her."

"Good." With a raised eyebrow, Jonah turned his head back to Freddie and stared for a second. "I think. Anyway, she told me you showed up and were confronting Rodney. What happened? Why were you really there, cause I know you weren't there for Rodney, right?"

Freddie chuckled and continued his counting, then set the dumbbell down. "You know me too well."

"We're brothers, of course I know you."

"Then you know I wanted to tear the Hammer's throat out with that crow bar." Jonah sighed and took the water bottle next to him, bringing it swiftly to his lips. Freddie turned his eyes downward as the anger spiraled up inside him once more. "When Rodney showed up, he became the target."

"And here I thought I was the one with anger problems." Jonah chuckled while Freddie glared vainly at him. He knew Jonah was teasing, especially considering Jonah didn't have anger issues. Sure he had been an angry person when it came to the people at school, but he just didn't care or let it get to him. It was to the point that Jonah was actually calmer than Freddie in some cases. "Freddie. You want me to speak to you as your best friend and brother?"

"Don't you always?"

"Yes." He watched silently as Jonah carried his dumbbells over to the rack and sat them down. He knew what Jonah meant whenever he said that, and it was that he would be completely blunt and serious. Jonah turned to him and folded his arms over, sighing quietly. "You've always carried a vendetta with you, you're easily angered though you don't like to show it. You've always been very quick tempered, you have a chip on your shoulder the size of Mount Everest. Do I think you have anger management issues? Freddie, you'll never be like Rodney, but for a time being three years ago, you were exactly like him." His eyes widened briefly and his heart began to sink, Jonah's words were strong and powerful. "If you don't get a control over the anger that you do have, then you will probably end up letting it overtake you. If it does, you may wind up being exactly like him."

"I….I don't want to be like that…"

"I know, and that's the one thing that sets you apart. He doesn't care what he does or how it affects people. You realize it's wrong and you care."

He turned his head down as Jonah eyed him momentarily. He felt everything inside him go numb, something he was used to. It happened whenever he heard something he didn't like, he would just become numb. He groaned and pushed that feeling aside and lifted his head up, meeting Jonah's eyes. "Carly saw me and she said I needed anger management classes or something."

"You do." Once more the words ripped at him, he winced and put his hand to his side.

"Sparing no blows there, huh?"

"You know me, I don't hold back when it comes to the truth."

"Yeah, don't ever hold back either, it just wouldn't be you."

"I'm glad you're aware of that. I'd hate to think that after almost ten years you wouldn't know that about me." Freddie chuckled and turned his head to the side, he was scared. What could they do? "Now, let's work out for a bit, get the sweat pumping. You'll feel better once you get that out of your system."

"Right…"

They went on to exercise for about two hours, alternating between weights and treadmills. Jonah had been right, all that exercise really got the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing, Freddie felt as loose and fluid as a river. The gym also had an area for people to shower, there were doors and separate spaces, so they were good there. Once done, the two were making their way to their cars, Jonah stopped next to Freddie's and leaned against it. "All right man, I want you to follow me somewhere. I got an idea for you."

"What is it?"

"See, the first step is always admitting you have the problem. Next step, finding the people who can help you…I'm going to take you to an anger management place that is near where my dad goes for his counseling. The classes there will help you." Freddie swallowed hard and got into his car as Jonah got into his, once out of their parking spots, he waited for Jonah to get in front and started following him.

Fear was settling in, just as was his nervousness, what would people think of him getting started at one of these places? Would he? Should he? If _Jonah_ said he should, then perhaps he should. At least he'd have his best friend's support, now what of Sam? Surely she'd support him, but would she shy away from him if she knew he had an issue with anger? Would she shun him if she knew what he'd once done, what he'd once been through?

After about ten minutes of driving on the freeway, the two made it into the parking lot for a large facility. Freddie pulled to a parking spot in the front doors of the clinic and started to get out of his car, turning as Jonah left his. "This is the place bro, the people here will help you to control that anger."

"Yeah why do I feel like I'm going to be the youngest one here?" He muttered briefly as Jonah shrugged and led him inside. A lot of pride had to be sucked up, and he wasn't completely sure he could do it. Of course, he might need his mother's signature to get in, but he wanted to check it out first. He wasn't going to turn it down, only a fool would turn down help if they wanted to change something about themselves.

"You'll be fine Freddie, just know I'm behind you if you choose to take this route. This is a large clinic, they deal with a _lot_ of issues. They have support groups, therapists, so much for Anger, addictions, suicide, abuse, you name it, they have it." Freddie smiled slightly as Jonah pat his shoulder.

"I know. Glad to have you here man." He moved his eyes to the golden haired woman at the front desk, she peered up and smiled at the two. Freddie lifted his hand and smiled nervously. "Hi, I'm Freddie Benson…I'd like to know more about this place."

"Oh, okay," the woman replied with a smile. She stood up and moved over to him. "What do you want to know?" Freddie eyed a brochure of the clinic that she held in her hands, he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He needed to be brave. This was for himself, for Sam, for his friends, everyone. He _needed_ this, no matter how much he wanted to fight it, he had to go through with it.

"Anything necessary to take some anger management classes here…" The woman nodded and led him over to the front desk. As she walked around, she handed him a brochure of the clinic, then began searching a filing cabinet of her other brochures. Freddie watched her and gazed at the other items, he was impressed, Jonah was right. He saw brochures on abuse of all kinds, addictions of all kinds, suicide, anger, whatever it was, they seemed to have it. He glanced at Jonah, who gave him a reassuring smile. The woman took the Anger Management Brochure and handed it to him.

"Okay. It's a big step, and I am glad that you've decided to make that decision. It's for a better future." She started giving him directions and pointed down one of the hallways. "We have several different wings for several different issues here, but if you go to the left, straight down the hall, take a right at the sign, keep going, you'll reach a door for the Anger Management. In there, the receptionist can help you further. You can opt to have a one on one counseling session or a group session, even both, and they do accept walk ins." He eyed the hallway and a lump began forming in his throat, preventing him from breathing. The hall looked like it went on forever, even though it was likely shorter than his mind was imagining it to be.

"Yeah…" He glanced over as Jonah pat his shoulder and smiled slightly. He swallowed his anxieties and slowly moved forward, shaking the woman's hand. Now or never, that was the situation, and he did _not_ want to risk turning into Rodney. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>Freddie has Jonah's support, such a great friendship they have with each other. The next chapter, you may be surprised by a few familiar faces as Freddie walks through this clinic.<p> 


	36. Living a Masquerade

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 36 (Living a Masquerade)<p>

"I can't believe you got me into this…" Freddie shivered as he and Jonah walked down the long corridor of doom, as he was referring to it. Jonah raised his eyebrow and slowly shook his head. Freddie could hear his heart thumping as he took every quiet step. "You said you dad comes here? Do you think he's here _now_?" He looked to the side and saw brown door with a window, inside there were several people with multicolored hair, piercings, and sullen eyes. There were also several normal looking people, business men and women, but they were trembling almost as badly as he was. He moved his eyes to the top of the door and saw _Narcotics__Anonymous_. "Strange, the people in there don't really look like drug addicts."

"Freddie, the most normal looking people have problems. You and I never actually _knew_ my father had been in child slavery, right?" He nodded his head as they stopped walking. Jonah glanced over and pointed in the opposite direction. "The wing down there is strictly for abuse. Dad would go down there, but he also has to come this way towards the anger management classes as well. He's actually working today, this isn't his counseling day." He frowned and looked back to the window.

"Oh…So why are we going past the drug addicts on the way to the Anger Management?"

"The people there chose that room, I think it was because it had more sunlight than the one they were in. It's actually the closest to the door. You know how the lady said for us to take a right, that's for the Anger Management. The _left_ is the wing for all your addictions. The Narcotics room usually has something covering the window, I'm not sure why they don't now…Let's keep moving so they don't think we're staring."

"All right…" They started walking and came to a three way clearing. They could turn right, left, or keep going straight. Jonah tapped his chin and snapped his fingers.

"Follow me for a minute…"

"Okay." He moved with Jonah down the long hallway until they came to a wall with only a left turn. He looked up to the sign and raised an eyebrow. "Suicide?"

"They have this area all to themselves, it helps them out tremendously because when they come for their counseling, they don't want to feel like they're actually in a clinic, so they're not actually neighboring any of the other areas. They _do_ have group therapy here, but by that same respect, many opt _not_ to get involved in it because they're scared of either others knowing or remission due to hearing another person's depression…They've had a recent admittance, and if I'm correct, he should be here right about now…" Now Freddie was starting to get suspicious, how did Jonah know about all this stuff? Did he come here himself?

"Is there something you're not telling me? How do you know about all this?"

"I volunteer my time here a lot." He raised his eyebrow and huffed with astonishment. He knew Jonah often volunteered at different places, but never really knew where he volunteered at. "I know this place like the back of my hands and I actually do talk to the customers here on a regular basis." He crossed his arms as they stopped in front of a pair of brown, windowless doors. Jonah put his hand to the door and looked back to Freddie. "Stay out here, I'm going to go inside and see if he is willing to come out and talk to you. You need to understand that people are very sensitive here and I made a mistake, anyway…I said 'recent' admittance, but the reality is he's been here for a while. Actually his friend made him come here, he's still recovering and helps others who are going through it."

"Okay…so why am I meeting him? I'm not suicidal…"

"I know. Oh, and never say 'suicidal' here. Whoever you see, It remains confidential. I can't stress that enough. As for why you're meeting him, you know him." Freddie raised an eyebrow as Jonah hurried inside the doors. With a heavy sigh, he leaned back against a wall and narrowed his gaze onto the floor. He really didn't see the point of being here. Besides, weren't the people who went to these types of clinics supposedly strange for some reason? No, they weren't, he needed to avoid that mindset.

He shook his head and pressed it back against the wall, closing his eyes and taking a deep sigh. It wasn't the people psyching him out, he was just naturally scared. What would people think of him? Everyone had seen iCarly, they knew him. He wasn't the type to have to come to a clinic like this. "I don't belong here…I'm not the type. I can't…" When he opened his eyes and looked in front of him, he was shocked to see _Spencer_ looking at him. "Spencer! You?" Now if there truly was a type, Spencer was _not_ that.

"Since when does someone have to be a certain type to be anything, Freddie? Yes, I attempted to kill myself, Socko drove me here after that, and I've been coming ever since." Jonah nodded and leaned against the wall opposite Freddie. He met his friend's bewildered eyes and sighed.

"Freddie. The reason I brought you to this wing was to show you that even the most normal looking person, or the person you least suspect to ever have a problem, could be harboring something. There's no type at all. As you saw in the Narcotics, there were some people who might have looked scary to you and there were people who looked like businessmen. Not all those with the piercings were drug addicts, not all the businessmen were either. There's no appearance, there's no way to judge. There's nothing in this world that you can't conceal, even those who are, physically abused. However even then, they can't conceal the scars."

"I tried to kill myself when Sasha left…when everything started going downhill, I was so bad off that I just didn't see the point anymore…my lowest point, I gave up. If it hadn't been for Socko coming in when he did…I wouldn't be here right now." Freddie's heart sank. He could feel the guilt for his thoughts beginning to eat him away, how dare he assume there to be anything behind an issue someone could have, how dare he presume someone like Spencer couldn't be the type to become depressed or attempt suicide.

"Freddie, let me be honest with you. I can't name any names, but I can tell you that a lot of people we know at that school actually come to this clinic. Teachers and students alike…there's some in every single wing, every single door." Freddie slowly nodded as Jonah lifted his eyes to the ceiling. "We all live in a world similar to that of a masquerade ball, if I can compare it. We wear these daily masks that conceal who we are, they hide our innermost feelings, deepest secrets and most painful scars. Things we don't want anyone else to see, because if they saw, then we instantly become vulnerable, and we don't like it. That's why we put on that mask and we mingle, we dance among the others, all wearing their masks, all concealing their true selves. At least there, because no one knows us, we fit in with 'society'. When in reality…" Freddie closed his hands and sighed. Jonah was right, Spencer was right, if people like Spencer could do this and people such as those at the school could do this, then he could do this.

"…Society is just as screwed up…right?"

"We all wear a mask, every one of us. Not a single one of us, not even Carly herself, is perfect or without their grievances. Some people choose to seek help, others don't. Some change, some don't, help or not. We all can control our fate, Freddie…we can decide where we want to go in life, what we want to make of our lives. I know you're scared to be here, and you don't have to be here at all, but I know you can get a lot of good help just by being here. Right Spence?" Spencer nodded his head and looked back at the doors with a bit of impatience. Jonah chuckled and Spencer turned his eyes back to Freddie.

"Yeah, so why are you here, Freddie?"

"Anger…management…" Spencer raised an eyebrow and slowly shook his head.

"I don't know your story, and I'm not going to ask, out of respect, but I can ensure you…I've heard good things about the anger management area, one of the best in Seattle. In fact, this clinic itself is one of the best, we have the best psychologists here and everything. So you would be getting some of the best help you can get in Seattle." Freddie smiled at that and turned his eyes to the hallway, maybe he could take them up on their word. "Anyway, I have to get back in there, but it was nice seeing you here…"

"Yeah, sure…I think I'll take a chance here." Spencer smiled at him and started heading back to the doors.

"Glad to hear it, you're making a good decision." Just before entering, Spencer put on a playful grin and stared at the two. "And in reference to Jonah's analogy, it's difficult to take that mask off and be in the company of other mask-less people. But hey, that's just those choosing to be different in the 'masquerade'." He laughed and Jonah's eyes fell flat for a brief second.

"Hey, don't make fun of my analogy. I thought it was good!"

"Sure it was."

"Geez." Freddie snickered as Spencer walked back through the doors. Jonah rolled his eyes and looked back to Freddie, who instantly pat his shoulder.

"I thought it was a good analogy."

"Sure ya did. Let's go…" Jonah grumbled and started walking down the hall. Freddie snickered once and followed him to the room they were supposed to be in. Once there, they met up with a female receptionist wearing glasses and with black curly hair in a mini beehive hairstyle. The woman looked up and smiled at the two men. "Hey Ms. Renee, my friend's here to sign up for Anger Management."

"Oh, okay." Freddie chuckled nervously and walked to the desk while the lady pulled out a clipboard. "If you'll fill out your information, we can get you in. What would you prefer, a counselor or a support group?" He hummed as he took the clipboard and pulled the pen from the clip. He wasn't too positive on what he wanted, but was thinking of both.

"Maybe both…"

"Okay, well we have a support group meeting in just a few minutes. If you would like, you can go in there and introduce yourself."

"I would appreciate that." He smiled at her and started filling out the information. He was thankful that Jonah was there to at least distract him from his anxiety and nervousness. Thinking to himself, he wanted to make sure he'd still be able to latch onto his friend during this excruciating first time process. He looked up at the lady, she was studiously typing on the computer, probably trying to get the new customer roster up. "Hey, will Jonah be able to go in with me?"

"That's up to you if you'd like. Normally we do ask that you consider leaving visitors out on the first visit in respect for the others, but a lot of people prefer it since they are nervous. Also, everyone here pretty much knows Jonah, so they're comfortable with him."

"Okay. Thanks."

Within a few moments, they were walking into the room, there were a number of people all sitting in a circle. One man was standing behind an empty chair, he had a nametag and appeared to be the teacher. He looked to Freddie and Jonah, then smiled at the two. "Welcome, are you here for the support group?"

"Yes sir…" The people in the room looked over at him and he stared back with a surprised expression. Within the group of people, he saw Mr. Howard, Gibby, and even _Principal__Franklin!_"Um…" Jonah shook his head and pat him on the back, drawing him back into reality. The man walked over to him and extended his hand.

"My name is Luke, it's a pleasure having you."

"Yeah…" He shook Luke's hand and was led over to the circle with Jonah. He took stopped in front of the chair as Luke asked him to introduce himself. "My name is Freddie Benson and I'm here because I have a hard time struggling with my anger."

"You're not alone Freddie, and it takes a lot of courage to come here. You look surprised about something?"

"I am, um…" Freddie tore his gaze away from the three familiar faces and glanced back at Luke. "I wasn't expecting to see familiar faces. Certainly not people who I never expected would have trouble with anger…"

"Well, we all tend to deal with it, and hopefully, you'll come to know everyone in this room. How about we let everyone introduce themselves to you now?" Luke turned his head over to the others in the group and moved to his chair. "Let's start with the ones who recognize Freddie, how about it?" Mr. Howard nodded and smiled briefly.

"I'll start. My name is Randy Howard. My story begins with my, now, ex-wife. I got mixed up in an affair, wanted it to end, but the other woman didn't want it to end. After that, it just started spiraling. I don't know that I'd say it was the trigger, I had anger issues before all that." Freddie slowly nodded and took his seat next to Jonah, already he was beginning to feel a bit more comfortable. Mr. Howard stopped and looked over to Gibby. "I'm done…"

"Okay, so I'm Paul 'Gibby' Gibson. I've struggled with anger for a few years now, I blame my mother for smothering me after my dad passed away from heart failure. I've been coming here, coping. That's all for my introduction."

Freddie was definitely surprised to hear about Gibby's father and his tale, but it helped him. It was almost as if he needed to hear it, to let it appease his heart. Next was Principal Franklin, someone that Freddie would _never_ have expected to be an angry person. "I'm Ted Franklin, my bout with anger has gone on for two decades now. When I was younger I struggled with drugs and alcohol. Ever since 1990 I've been clean, but it caused me so much damage and the withdrawal seems to still be around. On occasion, I'll have these bouts of anger and I'll hit my wife…I don't want to be like that, so I've been coming here now for five years. Ever since, I have been clean and less angry, it's helped my relationship tremendously."

Freddie's heart lifted up with the Principal's tale. If there was hope for a man like him, then there would be hope for him too. He didn't want to hurt Sam, he couldn't even imagine hurting her, but by having these anger problems, he was already hurting her, whether she knew it or not.

He sat there as everyone in the room introduced themselves and a brief moment of their story. Hearing them all made him feel amazing, to think that _he_ could stop struggling with anger one day was a blessing. After they were done, Luke turned to him and asked for his story.

"Okay, I'm ready. As I said, My name is Freddie Benson, I struggle with anger, now…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His body began to tremble and the others gave him words of comfort and reassurance. He felt Jonah pat his back and slowly opened his eyes, he had to be strong. He had to let it off his chest, no matter how painful. "Now here's my story…"

* * *

><p>Such support, and what a surprise to see Spencer there. Jonah seems to have made a great analogy. Next chapter will be a good chapter too, still at the place, and then in chapter 38 will be a major surprise chapter. Sort of sounds like a documentary at the end, but it's called "Polar Opposite: Yin and Yang". It sort of follows with a song I heard while driving, "Behind Blue Eyes" by Who. You're going to enjoy it. Now I hope you enjoyed this chapter, prepare for the next! Oh and Penny, you already know what chapter 38 may entail, as you know a secret that hasn't been revealed yet, involving the Shadow Hammer.<p> 


	37. Their Comfort

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 37 (Comfort)<p>

Jonah was walking through the halls of the clinic on his own, Freddie wanted to talk to the therapist and they were one on one.. It was getting late, but that would be just fine, he didn't worry about the time. He made his way to the blonde at the front desk and leaned slightly against it. He was bored, so he figured he'd make conversation. The woman glanced up at him with a smile. "Jonah, how is your friend? Is he doing okay on his first day at the clinic?"

"Yeah, they're really helping him out. He's talking to the therapist now, so I'm just out and about." She nodded and looked back to her paperwork. He looked off at the wing where all the abuse victims went, it took his mind to Valerie. He wanted to know how she was doing and to let her know things were going to be okay. "You know, Mrs. Blackwell…what do you do…" He stopped himself and she looked up, waiting for the rest of his question. He shook his head and sighed. "Never mind…" He knew that even though Valerie was strong and not as fragile as she was before, she was _still_fragile He wanted to change the subject, and fast. "You know, my dad's starting to get more involved in family, Carly really did a good thing, finding our lost relatives."

"Oh yeah, I saw that segment. I'm impressed with what Carly's doing, I think she should continue helping people and using iCarly for the right thing." Jonah nodded and gave a brisk smile. He was proud of Carly, proud of Freddie, but most of all, he was proud of everyone trying their best not to sink below the grain. "I know you and your dad had to iron a lot out, how are you two doing nowadays?"

"We're talking more, that's for sure. Since he's become a bit more involved, we've definitely been talking more often. He's actually dating my best friend's mother, I didn't know that until recently."

"You feel all right about that?"

"Yeah actually, cause Freddie and I are like brothers anyway." He looked off to the side and spotted _Rodney_ snooping around. His blood spiked, but he remained calm. After Freddie made the guy piss his pants, maybe he was trying to seek help, but then again, Rodney wasn't the type to do that. So, what _was_ he doing there? "Hey Mrs. Blackwell, have you seen that guy around here often?" The woman looked up and shook her head.

"No, I don't recognize him at all." He hummed and crossed his arms. That was strange, considering she _never_ forgot a face. Even if she saw someone one time, she would always remember them. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his hands up, he was not wanting to fight anyone and after the earlier scare, he didn't want her to have to deal with Rodney a second time. She already knew the asshole was stalking her, along with everyone else. The only question was, was he really stalking _her_ right now? Was she even here? He knew she came here, he was volunteering here on the day she first came. "Is there something wrong?"

"Has Valerie come in?"

"Hmm, I believe I saw her with her mother just a bit ago."

"I see. Did they go down that wing over there?" He pointed to the abuse wing and Mrs. Blackwell nodded in reply. "Okay, so what do you think I should do? I mean, I could throw him out the door right now because he's probably stalking Valerie right now, or I could try to go and let her know he's here."

"I'll just have security send him out."

"Good idea." She pressed a button and waited for a security guard to come to the front desk. Rodney, who was now fiddling with a plant near the entrance of the abuse wing, lifted his head up and stared at the guard as a deer in headlights. The guard moved towards him and started reaching for his nightstick.

"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you're disturbing a few of our clients."

"How am I disturbing anyone? I'm just admiring these plants."

"Do not make me tell you again, you are going to have to leave."

"Not like I'm hurting anything, but fine, I'll _leave_ if it means that much to you." Jonah lifted his eyebrows as Rodney stormed out of the facility. It was almost too easy. On a hunch, the guard followed Rodney outside. Jonah moved to the window and looked out, Rodney was about to walk to Valerie's car, but when the guard walked out, he turned away and started heading off in the opposite direction.

"Bastard was up to something…" He made his way outside and stepped next to the guard. "Can you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Can you get him in your patrol car and keep him there for a while, at least until Valerie's gone. I don't trust him around her. The guard nodded and started walking towards Rodney. After a minute, he heard the stalker start complaining. Once done, Jonah walked back inside and found Valerie walking out of the wing. She saw Jonah and waved. He smiled back at her and waved his hand in the air.

"Jonah! What are you doing here? Are you volunteering today?"

"That's debatable, actually. I'm here with a friend who is in their first therapy session, so I'm just walking around."

"Oh you are? Mom's with her therapist right now." Viola would be in a different wing for depression and recovery. Jonah nodded and Valerie folded her arms over. "I decided to visit my counselor and tell her what happened earlier." He flattened his lips and met her sullen eyes. She needed something to liven her up, something to get her spirited.

"Yeah, how are you doing from that?"

"I'm all right. Just a little bored, Mom's going to be in her counseling for the next two hours."

"Yikes!"

"I _know_! I was thinking I might go to the park or grab a bite to eat. Something to kill the time…do you know how long your friend's going to be in his counseling?" Jonah glanced back at the hallway and shrugged, he was guessing at least a couple hours for a first time session.

"It'll probably be a couple hours." Valerie nodded and eyed him carefully, she did trust him enough to go off with him on their own, that wasn't a problem. The only thing was she was far too jittery and she still felt like a burden. "I do know of a great ice cream place nearby if you're interested."

"Sure, I don't mind at all. Though, I don't know how well an ice cream place is going to keep us occupied until your friend and my mom are done with their counseling." She had to wonder why he hesitated around her, then again, he might think she was too jittery to ask out. In some ways, she was, but if it was _Jonah_, then she wouldn't mind a date at all, as long as they took it slowly. "I know for a fact Mom's got like two hours…" Jonah smiled and looked off to his car outside, then back to Valerie.

"Then I have an idea. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel before?" She perked her head up briefly and raised an eyebrow. He folded his arms over and kept his gaze with hers. "It's a great restaurant and usually has a great country type store connected with it."

"Yeah, I've heard of the place, but have never gone."

"There's one about ten minutes from here, we could go there if you'd like." He watched her face light up. She took a slight step forward and nodded her head.

"I'd love that, actually."

"Okay." Jonah looked over to the lady at the desk and smiled, she was working on some paperwork. She moved her eyes to him and he waved while Valerie reached into her purse. "Mrs. Blackwell, Valerie and I are going to the Cracker Barrel, so if you see my friend come out, have him give me a call."

"Okay Jonah, you two have a good time. I'll be sure to let him know."

"Thanks." He moved his gaze back to Valerie and saw her sending at text message. She smiled at him and put the phone back in her purse when she finished.

"I let mom know where I was going. Let's go, I'm excited to try Cracker Barrel." She always wanted to go, but Rodney never really took her on dates when they were together. Then again, she wasn't sure if this could be considered a date or not, she was just happy to spend some time with Jonah.

"All right." He moved over to the door and opened it, waiting as she walked out and thanked him. They made it to his car and were soon driving towards the restaurant. Jonah knew it took a lot of trust on her part to get in the car with him. Even though they'd been in a car together several times before, this whole thing would have to take a lot of courage on her part. He glanced at her and felt a sense of relief to see her with such a pleasant expression on her face, even with the events of earlier, it was good that she was happy. She probably wasn't thinking about earlier.

"Jonah, is your friend in there…" He lifted his eyebrows. "I know it's for his privacy, so you don't have to tell me, but is it Freddie? I only ask because he's the one who came by when he saw the Shadow Hammer was around…and with that Crowbar, I think he was after that guy. Once he saw Rodney, he started talking to him. I don't know what was said or anything…"

"He was after the Shadow Hammer." He already knew she was well aware the Hammer was the one that killed Freddie's father. I'm actually glad he stopped and got Rodney instead." She lifted her head and looked over at him.

"You are?"

"Yeah, of course, I don't want you to be hurt any more than Freddie does. As for whether or not that's Freddie in counseling-"

"Don't worry about it, I'm not that concerned." She smiled and eyed his right shoulder, she was often drawn to it like a magnet and she never really knew why. There was just something about Jonah that made her feel very relaxed. She inhaled and moved her gaze to the passing buildings. "Jonah, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why are you so calm?" He raised an eyebrow and looked over as they pulled to a red stop light. They were just a few buildings away from the Cracker Barrel. "You were hurt when you were young, one would think you'd be a lot angrier than you are, but…the way you talk to people, your friends, _me_, I just…how can you be so calm?" He chuckled and closed his eyes, he was not to certain himself.

"I'm not a very angry person and I value all my friends. That includes you." Her cheeks started to turn red, so when he glanced over to her, she quickly looked away. "When I was young, I had my mom around to keep me in line, to pick me up when Dad would go crazy. After she passed away, I had Olivia to take care of. She also kept me in check. Even Freddie had his moment where he needed a good friend, so I've managed to learn to keep my cool when things get hard."

"You'd think it'd drive you nuts, having people all around you that have something going on…Like me, for example." She bowed her head and he moved his gaze to the light. He started moving as the light turned green. "I mean, I could understand how a girl who's been battered might be a burden…Besides, what guy would want to be with someone like me, anyway? I have so much baggage…"

"You, a _burden?_" He shook his head and she slowly looked up to him. "No. You're a good person with a strong heart and a strong will, you're anything _but_ a burden. Especially to me, you could never be a burden to me. As for who would want to be with you…" He smiled as they pulled into the parking lot. He moved into a parking space, clicked the car in park and met Valerie's gaze. His heart jumped to his throat and he quickly gathered his train of thought before falling into a trance. "First off, let me just say that you have really beautiful eyes. Would it be appropriate if I said that?" Her eyebrows rose and a blush shot to her cheeks.

"You kind of just said it anyway…and yeah, it's appropriate."

"Good, because it's true. Now, your statement…" He moved his elbow to the top of his seat and exhaled softly. "I know just about any guy would want to be with you. Even still, I would love to be with you." Her eyes remained locked with his and she was blissfully unaware of how crimson her cheeks were becoming. "You're beautiful, you're smart, you're strong, you're very family-oriented. Stop me whenever you like. You have shown you're very capable of standing on your own two feet, you have a beautiful laugh and a personality that shines out. There isn't a guy in this world that wouldn't love to be with you and you need someone that can support you in all that you do, someone that makes those features of you stand out, not someone that hinders them. If you can find that, you will never have to worry about not being wanted."

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying to recover. Right now, more than ever, she wanted him to hold her. Why? She was starting to figure that question out. "Okay…so another question. How is it you always know what to say to someone?" He laughed once and shrugged his shoulders.

"I just speak my mind, which usually, in my mind, is the truth."

"I see. Thank you…" Her voice was so soft, he could barely hear her, but he was glad that she was at the very least, happy. She smiled and opened the door. "Let's go in, I'm starving."

"All right." They exited the car and within minutes, they were inside. They first entered into the store part of the restaurant where Valerie began looking around in awe. He watched her for a moment and folded his arms over. "They have a lot of old time stuff, in addition to some more relative stuff."

"It looks awesome."

"Wait until you have the food. They emphasize home-cooking."

"Oh they do? Well then, let's see just how good they are." She smirked playfully and walked over to the corner of the room where a woman stood in front of an open doorway. Jonah chuckled and followed after her. Did she enjoy testing restaurants on their home style cooking? It would make sense if she did. The hostess asked how many there would be dining in and Valerie answered. "Just two please, and maybe a booth if you have one." The hostess grabbed two menus and turned to the dining area.

"Right this way." When they entered, Valerie was overcome with the awe of the atmosphere. It was very comforting, warm, and ad very fitting decorations on the wall. She looked over at Jonah and laughed happily.

"This place looks awesome!"

"It is awesome." They were led to a booth where Valerie took Jonah's hand and pulled him next to her. He blushed at the contact and made a failed attempt to conceal the blush. He didn't pull away from her, rather, he waited for her to let go. She stared at his hand for a minute before releasing, smiling as she did so. Did she expect him to pull away from her? To shy away? He wasn't afraid of her, wasn't afraid of being comfortable around her, and he wanted her to know that.

"You have soft hands, Jonah. I'm surprised." He raised his eyebrow and chuckled briskly. He didn't think his hands would be all that soft, but then, he did wash them regularly. You have to wash your hands a lot in the medical field.

"Kind of surprised about that, but then, I'm not all that surprised. I wash them a lot, since I'm going into the medical field. Your hands a pretty soft too." He watched her blush. His lips curled into a grin as he grabbed the menu. "So shall we find our food?"

"Yeah…"

After some time, they had their food, along with the homemade bread. He was listening with satisfaction as Valerie embellished each bite she took. She'd been _amazed_ by how good the food was and was commenting on how she wanted to ask for recipes. He took a bite of his baked potato and swallowed it down with his iced tea. "So I take it you're enjoying the food?"

"Yeah, it's really good! You know, I rate a restaurant on it's taste, style, preparation, and whether or not it grabs me and makes me want to come back. This makes me want to come back."

"Well that's good. If you think the food's good here, I should introduce you to the Cotton Patch Café."

"Ooh, I've actually been there before, that's _really__good_ food!" She set her silverware down as Jonah grabbed his roll and brought it to his mouth. "Anyway, I've been wondering…"

"Yeah?"

"What you said earlier…that I was beautiful…you really think so?" He inhaled the bread too quickly, caught off guard, and took a swig of his drink. The action caused her to giggle, which made him happy to hear. He smiled at her and nodded his answer.

"Yes. You're very beautiful." He caught a small smile from her lips and watched as she stared down at her food. What was she thinking? Was she doubting the words, was she doubting herself? No, but maybe she was still struggling to believe it. "That guy really did hurt you. The things he said to you, the things he did, you have to know they were wrong. No man should ever do or say those things to a woman."

"You wouldn't, would you? You'd never hurt me…you know, if we were dating…"

"I would never lay a hand on you. I'm not that man." She lifted her eyes to his and carefully leaned over to him, bringing her head upon his shoulder and closing her eyes. She breathed out in a slow, gentle fashion.

"Thank you, for everything and…for being there." His heart swelled inside him as he felt her hand grace his. She let her fingers glide into his palm and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He felt her sigh and looked to her as she cuddled close to him. He smiled and used his free hand to take a bite of green beans.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes. Er…" She opened her eyes and looked up at him, meeting his eyes with mild uncertainty. "You don't mind, it's just…"

"You're all right, I don't mind at all. You want to get some dessert?"

"Yeah, but I want to sit like this for a bit, if it's okay."

"It's fine by me." They had plenty of time, and he could sit like this forever if they had the chance, but he was certain Freddie wouldn't want to wait all day. Well, he couldn't help it if he was comfortable too

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><p>Aww, it's an almost sugary sweet chapter. Hm. I hope you enjoyed this one! Next coming soon<p> 


	38. Polar Opposite: Yin and Yang

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

A/N: This chapter's a bit different, the first and probably only one that will focus on the villains. A little insight. I had to do this when I heard this song on the radio: _Behind Blue Eyes_, by The Who

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><p>Chapter 38 (Polar Opposites: Yin and Yang)<p>

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

"Mama, Mama I might be going away for a while. I don't know…" Quincy Saphens, also known as the Hammer, kneeled beside his mother's bed. His mother, Margaret Saphens, turned her head to him and slowly placed her hand upon his hand. She was only forty-nine, but her body was deteriorating. She was all Quincy had left. "Mama, there's something you should know about me…but I don't want to break your heart." Margaret's lips parted as his heart started to break. She was marked to die on his thirtieth birthday, but he didn't think she would make it that long.

"Quincy, my heart's strong enough." He closed his eyes and turned his gaze to her eyes. She'd been through so much, he knew this already. He even knew he wasn't supposed to be born, he was just a mistake made by her mother while drunk at a college party. Sure, she loved him, they were all each other had. His dead end father never wanted anything to do with either of them, but that was fine, the man had been dead for almost ten years now. "If you have something to tell me, you can tell me…I am not worried."

"I can't tell you, Mama. I just can't."

"You will when you're ready to, Quincy."

"Yeah…" Tears came to his eyes and his body trembled just barely. He slowly rose up and squeezed his mom's hand gently. No matter how much money he stole, no matter what he did, he just couldn't get enough to buy her health back. What was the point, really? Her body had been going out for all these years. In truth, he only killed one man. Was it wrong? Maybe. Did it feel good? Hell yes, it felt good.

"I love you Quincy." She lifted her hand up and looked up into his eyes as though it took all her strength for her just to utter those words. The sight broke his heart, crushed it into pieces.

"I love you too, Mama."

"Please…when I pass, if you could find your father-"

"Mama, he's dead…but he has a son."

"So you have a brother? You have family…"

"I'll think about it." He turned his gaze to the window and huffed at the familiar face walking down the streets. It was Freddie Benson. The man that seemed to appear at every crime scene, it was something of an irritant to him. He flattened his gaze when he saw yet another familiarity following him discreetly.

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be hated_

_To be fated_

_To telling only lies_

Rodney muttered to himself as he walked through the streets, sneaking behind Freddie, spying on him. What was it about this man that he hated so badly? There were plenty of reasons to think, plenty of reasons to say. Was he scared of Freddie? He could be, but he wasn't, even if the man could potentially call his family up to Seattle and ruin his life.

Family. He wasn't a family man, that was what separated him from the other criminals out there. The things that happened to him when he was a child, the hell he suffered when he was younger, did all of that pain matter to anybody? He couldn't help but to question the memories, the suffering, the agony. Nobody would care, nobody except him. Yeah, he left his brother behind to suffer the agony of their parents, but he didn't care. He wasn't a brotherly person. His brother would have to deal with life on his own, there wasn't a damn thing he could do for him.

He narrowed his eyes and ducked behind a tree as Freddie stopped moving. He watched with a dangerous glare as his prey turned his gaze over his shoulder. Could he see him? No, it was impossible. "Want to ruin my life, Benson?" He said in a quiet voice. "I can ruin yours. I can tear you apart from everyone. I can make your life a living hell. Just because I failed once, doesn't mean I can't do it again."

Once Freddie started crossing the street, Rodney began his move, but was startled by a hand upon his shoulder.

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty_

_As my conscience seems to be_

Quincy eyed Rodney with a stern expression, the man before him trembled when their eyes locked with one another. "Why are you following Freddie?"

"You know him?" Did he? He looked up at the departing figure with a frown and roughly shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't important, or perhaps it was. He heard Rodney's words when he approached him, so he was debating intervening.

"Not in so many ways. He's at every damn place I rob." Really it wasn't that much, in the last ten years, he'd burglarized maybe fifteen places. All for his mother, but he was beginning to see how useless and pointless the burglaries were becoming. "Anyway…" He moved his narrow eyes to Rodney's and tightened his grip. The boy yelped and lifted his hand to his shoulder. "What's _your_ problem with him? Why are you stalking him?"

"What's it to you?"

"I could ask you the same thing. What is he to you?"

"Let's see. He's the guy who is dating the girl I liked several years ago, his best friend is moving in on my woman, and my dickhead brother somehow got a hold of my email and keeps sending emails to me!" Quincy's gaze softened and the corners of his mouth drooped. He had a soft spot for brothers, to be honest. Unlike Rodney, he was a family man.

"Do you respond to them?"

"Fuck no."

"Why not?"

"Because he's a crazy bastard who doesn't understand a damn thing about life…He's eighteen now, he can leave the fucking house if he wants, he doesn't need me."

"You're his brother, maybe even older…that's what you're supposed to do, protect your brother…Look after them, make sure that no harm comes to them. If my brother were to write to me, I would respond." Rodney raised his eyebrow and stared at Quincy with a growing curiosity.

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

That's never free

"You have a brother?"

"Yes. I never get to talk to him though, he doesn't really know me. He is my dad's son."

"Oh, are your parents divorced?"

"They never married." Quincy wasn't wanting to spill his whole life story to this guy, so he spoke rather quickly and bluntly. He did, however, want to get Rodney away from this area while also giving Freddie some time to continue on his walk. You realize, of course, you're actually making the headlines in this town. I mean, if you're so set on _not_ being found by people…"

"So what? Maybe it's nice to be known once in a while. I'm sure you know the feeling."

"Yeah."

_No one knows what it's like_

_To feel these feelings_

_Like I do_

_And I blame you_

_No one bites back as hard_

_On their anger_

_None of my pain and woe_

_Can show through_

"At least you don't have a fucked up feeling. All my anger, all my rage, all my pain, it comes from my family. Why do you think I could give a fuck about my brother."

"Even still, I can't understand someone like you."

"You going to get all righteous and uppity on me, Mr. Robber and murderer?"

"I've only killed one man, none others."

"Oh, well in that case, I still think you're a fucking hypocrite."

"I have family values, simple enough. I take care of my ailing mother the only way I know how."

"Oh, well I hope your mother dies."

"Excuse me?" Rage bolted through Quincy and he grabbed Rodney by the throat, then slammed him up against a tree. Rodney screamed out and grabbed his wrist. Quincy lifted him off the ground and leaned in dangerously close, speaking through clenched teeth. "You have no right to talk about my mother like that. No fucking right…you don't _know_ my mother, you don't know me. If you knew who I was, maybe you'd spend a little less time insulting and a little more time taking the care _not_ to insult. I figure that's all you can think to do though."

"I have to take it out on someone." His voice came out strained and hoarse from the tight grip around his throat. His face was starting to turn blue and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head. "Son of a bitch, you remind me of that fucked up Benson twit." Quincy roared with anger and dropped Rodney to the ground, then swiftly kicked him in the side. Rodney screamed out in agony as his attacker stood above him. "Go on, stand up. Stand up so I can punch the shit out of your ugly mug."

"You're an asshole…who made you this way."

"My father! Who made you the way you are?"

"My father."

"Then that's the one thing we have in common, but even our fathers were different men." He reached down and grabbed Rodney's hair, then lifted him up from the ground. Rodney winced painfully and gazed into Quincy's venomous glare. "I don't care what problems you have, I don't care who you are, but you will not speak ill of my family. Do you understand me?"

"W-What family?" Rodney's question was practically a whimper. He was shivering and felt tears threatening to come to his eyes. "All you have is your mother."

"If you don't count my father's family in, then yeah." Perhaps he shouldn't blame his father for his trouble, but there was no changing that fact. There was no changing the fact that his father, in college, had been a low-down, dirty prick, only looking for a one-night stand. After college, the man was actually decent, but he still refused part of his son's life. It was as though Margaret and Quincy never existed.

"Can you let me go now?"

"I don't want you running off just yet."

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty_

_As my conscience seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

_That's never free_

Rodney groaned as he reached up to Quincy's hands, but he couldn't do anything but stand still. There, the two of them, polar opposite of each other, like yin and yang. One was a family hating man who hated everything and wanted to crush everyone around him, the other was a family-oriented man, angry at his father for abandonment and was doing all that he could to take care of his mother, even resorting to robbery. Both of them still shared a bond. Both wanted something _good_ to come out of the future. One craved an escape from his family, an escape from the world, while the other just wanted his mother to be well and wanted to protect his family. Both men were steadily losing hope that anything could change.

"Why bother caring for your brother if only pain can come of it?"

"Because at least if you show some concern, they won't grow to hate you…"

"Yours hate you?"

"Probably, but only because he doesn't know…yours most likely hates you."

"The emails I get from him? Yeah, I'd say he hates me. He's threatened me."

"You ever see those murderous eyes?"

"No…"

"Pray you never do then. I've seen my brother's eyes with the intent to kill. It chills you to the bone…" Rodney scoffed and turned his head away, he didn't believe his brother would _ever_ find him. If he did, murder? No, he never thought Robbie would be capable of something like that.

"It must take a lot."

"Abandonment, hatred, disgust, despair, hopelessness, it really doesn't take as much as you'd like to think."

"Look. All I wanted was freedom. That was _it!_ I got away from my family. You think I'm crazy? You think I'm insane? So be it! I think you're insane too!"

"Why?"

"Just_look_ at you! All you do is rob stores, and what for?"

"To take care of my mother, I said."

"And yet you talk like you know shit!"

_When my fist clenches, crack it open_

_Before I use it and lose my cool_

_When I smile, tell me some bad news_

_Before I laugh and act like a fool_

_If I swallow anything evil_

_Put your finger down my throat_

_If I shiver, please give me a blanket_

_Keep me warm, let me wear your coat_

There it was again, the flash of anger. Both men had it, both men accepted it as all part of life and of living. There wasn't any way to get around this anger. Neither of them believed in change, neither of them understood how things could get better when they were already so bad. Both expected their lives to end in death some day, however that may be. Rodney came to understand that he would never get his way, but damn it to hell if he didn't try. So what if his family found him? So what if they took him away and maybe even killed him? He didn't care, he could _never_ care. If he did, it would show fear. "I'm not afraid of them. I'm never afraid of them…"

"So then why don't you feed yourself to the wolves? Face them, face up to them."

"Fuck you. Fuck off. Quit acting so high and mighty…you don't know what it's like!"

"Oh I don't?"

"No! Nobody does!"

"Fuck that." In a fit of irritation and annoyance, Quincy threw Rodney back to the ground. He was done with him, there was no more time to mess around. "Get out of my sight…You think you understand what it's like? You think you understand what it's like to suffer in agony, wanting to die every day you see or hear your mother scream herself to bed? You know what it's like trying to scour around for money and come up short all the fucking time? Do you?"

"Fuck you! You were never molested as a kid, never shoved around, never kicked about, never had drugs forcibly injected into your body, never had alcohol shoved down your throat! You never had to endure drunken parents shooting at you, playing 'how close can I get' with you! So fuck _you!_" Quincy's eyes widened angrily and he shoved Rodney to the side.

"Get off my yard!"

"See ya, asswipe."

"Fuck off."

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

As the two men parted ways, Rodney hurried down the street and Quincy walked back into the house, they stopped only to glance back. Their eyes connected in a mixture of rage, hatred, disgust, and finally, pain. Two very separate people with very different lives, brought together only by these very similar emotions. As much as they didn't want to accept it, they were perhaps more alike emotionally than they would have liked to be.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's a good insight into our two primary antagonists.<p> 


	39. One Step at a Time

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 39 (One Step at a Time)<p>

Two uneventful weeks passed by and May 10th had arrived. Beck was finishing up his apartment, Jade had managed to move in, Carly had shot two iCarly's, giving advice and helping people out as much as she could, Freddie made a regular thing of attending the therapy sessions, both group and psychologist. Jonah and Olivia were finally settled in on June's farm, along with the rest of the family. Valerie was doing a little better, thanks to her psychologist and her mentor, but Rodney was still terrorizing everyone she knew. It was very scary for her, but as long as Jonah was okay, as long as she knew her family was okay, then she felt safe from him.

Today was Carly's day, though, the day she was going to put all her plans into action. At least, just for one of the things she had been planning, and it would all happen once again, on iCarly.

Freddie was shooting iCarly while Sam hung off to the side, she was used to this and actually preferred it. Melanie, Beck, and Pam were in the studio as well, they'd been invited to watch iCarly. They were a bit weary, however, due to the way she brought Jonah's family together, they were indeed suspicious of her plans. Even with that being said, this was the first time Sam was told by Carly that she would not be co hosting the show. Freddie started up the camera and Carly began. "Hey, welcome back to iCarly, today after a lot of meticulous planning, I have a bit of a treat for you. Sam will be on the sidelines for this one, but for good reason."

"I still don't see a good reason for this," Sam retorted. Carly chuckled and moved over to them, still staring at the computer.

"You remember Beck, the long lost brother to Sam and Melanie. Let me start by telling you just what happened with that father of theirs." Sam's eyes widened and Beck froze, immediately they could see where this was going. Melanie still looked curious as to what was going to happen and Pam was clicking her tongue with sinking suspicion. "The man had an affair, the man left his wife and daughters for his son down in L.A., the man stays with his son after the other woman dies…never returns to his wife, who assumes him for dead and has never actually, legally, divorced him…but stays down there until Sam here finds Beck. When questioned, the man _lies_ and states he never had a wife or children. We have a DNA test that _proves_ beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hector Puckett-Oliver _is_ the father of Sam and Melanie Puckett and the husband of Pamela Puckett." She smirked and wagged her eyebrows. "Eat your heart out, Maury." She actually loved the talk show host, but she just wanted to mention him for sake of mention.

"Carly, what are you doing?" Sam asked with a sheepish chuckle. "Is this something I'm not going to like?" Carly frowned and turned to her best friend, mustering the most polite smile that she could.

"Well, it's all in the eye of the beholder." She turned back to the camera as Sam moved her anxious gaze over to Beck. "This family needs to talk, but in my estimation, this man needs to own up to his problems. I've requested help from Beck's best friend, who so gratefully assisted me in this plan…" Beck arched an eyebrow as a white screen started to scroll down behind them. Soon the image of Andre standing next to Mr. Oliver shot onto the screen. Hector had his hands cuffed behind the chair and was struggling in vain to free himself. "There he is! The monster who deserted his family and lied to everyone involved!"

Pam's eyes widened and Melanie turned her back to the screen. Sam's throat tightened and Beck's hands closed tight. Carly turned to the screen as Freddie clicked on the camera above the screen, so viewers could see both sides. Hector yelled the camera and cussed. "Why have you done this to me! What the hell do you plan on achieving!" Andre rolled his eyes and Carly took a slow step forward, glaring at the father who opted to stay out of his family's life. His family couldn't bear to look at him. As Carly eyed them, her heart sank, they each appeared sick beyond healing.

"Mr. Oliver…your daughters turned seventeen a couple weeks ago. They've spent their twelfth birthday in a row without you. You shouldn't even deserve to see them, but you're here because they have questions that deserve answers. I can't imagine a man who would be so willing to go through such lengths that you went to. My friends have dealt with so much, I should say you're the least of anyone's problem, but you're not…you're still a huge problem, and while I acknowledge that I cannot fix every single problem in the world, I can sure do my best to help and try. You, you're not a thief and murderer like the Shadow Hammer. You're not a druggie and abuser like someone else we know…but what you are…is a deadbeat dad."

"The hell you know, I only did what I could to keep Beck away from the damn orphanages and foster homes! I saved him from living a life of grief." Carly groaned out her annoyance and started to say something, but was cut off by Beck. He stepped up and Carly looked at him with a momentary sadness.

"How dare you try and say you did something _good_!" Hector frowned as he watched his son shake a fist at him. "You could have gotten back to Mom and my sisters, but instead you let me grow up living a _lie!_ That's worse than foster homes as far as I'm concerned."

"Well what if I just said screw it and didn't care enough to keep you from the social workers?"

"I would have been just fine with that, rather than living your lie! It's better here, you know that? They're the family I never had, literally, and we could have been a _great_ family if you hadn't been such a stuck up asshole all your life!"

"Don't talk to your father that way, Beck!" Beck glared at the man and narrowed his eyes. He slowly clenched his hands tighter and started to feel the nails attempting to scrape into his hands.

"You're not my father. You're just the asshole who contributed the sperm." He turned his gaze to Carly and started to relax himself. Carly felt his pain and was debating turning off the camera, but it already started, it seemed inappropriate to cut it off midway through. "I have nothing more to say to him, Carly."

"Okay." She turned to Sam, her friend was seething mad. Sam made her move to the screen, her body trembling. Carly swallowed hard and rubbed the back of her neck, she could see the desire to tear this man apart.

"I want to know why you abandoned us, and I want to know _now_. Why do we not matter to you! Why are we so unimportant? Why do you have to act like we're nothing? Why did mom have to deal with all these years of wondering where you were? Why? Why did you lie to everyone?" The man stared at Sam with a frown, he moved his eyes to Pam, Beck, and Melanie. He turned his eyes down to Sam and scoffed.

"I couldn't be two places at once." Sam pointed to him and let out a venomous growl, causing him to shrink back into his chair.

"You'd better be fucking glad I'm not in LA right now, because if I were there, I would kick your ass! You know, Beck's right, you're not worth the stress and tears!"

"Come on, I am still your father."

"No you're not!" Melanie proclaimed. Her exclamation shocked everyone, as no one expected her to speak up. Carly's jaw dropped and she watched the girl walk to the screen and point at her father. "You're just a glorified sperm donor, that's _it!_ A father does so much more than what you've done. They care for their families, they protect them, they love them, they want what's best for them, but you don't. You're just a piece of crap, that's _it!_ You're not our father and we'll never acknowledge it! I don't care if you _never_ give us the answers to our questions, I'm through crying over you. To think you could treat my sister, my _brother_ the way you are treating them right now, I can't believe I _ever_ thought there might be a good side to you."

"Melanie!" Sam gasped. Her eyes widened in surprise as her sister looked over at her. She pressed her lips together and returned her gaze to the man on the screen. "She's right, you're just not worth it. I have the answers to our questions, you just simply didn't care. You didn't even care about Beck, you just cared for yourself. At least mom cares about _all_ of us. Better people have been better fathers, you're scum, and I wouldn't ask anything from you if it cost me my life."

Having been brought to tears, Sam didn't want anyone to see, so she hurried outside. Melanie followed after her, hoping to comfort her. Carly and Freddie watched with a frown. Carly had to finish the show, so she couldn't do anything. Freddie was in the same predicament, he wanted to go after Sam, but this was a case of being unable to help. So, Beck went after to see what he could do. The man stared with empty eyes as Pam crossed her arms and stepped into view. Her eyes were narrow with anger and disgust, so much so that it scared the shit out of the man when he saw her.

"So that's how it is, you have absolutely nothing to add to all of this, Hector?" He glanced to the side and shrugged his shoulders.

"I suppose they're right, I just don't care. Your whole family is a mess, Pam. You think I wanted to be a part of that mess? You think I wanted to see my children grow up to be failures like your family?" Pam clenched her fists and Carly winced, she knew that was the _wrong_ thing to say to someone, especially in a situation like this.

"My daughters are very successful, thank you very much! Beck is doing well for himself too! Also, you want to talk about my family? Let's talk about my family, you fucking asshole! My mother and father have PhD's and have written a best seller, all my sisters and their husbands, minus Carmine, are successful business people, managers, professors. Carmine is a part of the Mafia, I'll give you that, but you know what? It's _your_ brother, Morris, that has extreme anger issues. _Your_ sister-in-law, Maggie, that is a chain smoker, _your_ mom and dad that are high school and college dropouts, _respectively!_ It's your grandfather that was dishonorably discharged from the military for blowing up his own platoon, _your_ other brother who is a kleptomaniac. So if you want to talk about someone's family that's screwed up, how about you take a look at the plank that is in _your__fucking__eye!_ Don't you _ever_ speak badly about _my_ children or _my_ family, because you know something? _You_ are the worthless scumbag who can't accept responsibility or take the time to care about those people or things that are important! Now, I have to go check on my children and see how they're doing…" She turned to Carly, who was now petrified. "Carly, thank you for this…I needed this…it really uh, you really put things in perspective for me."

"Really, Ms. Puckett?"

"Yeah…" Pam started for the elevator and stopped, then glanced over her shoulder at the man on the screen. She narrowed her eyes and growled spitefully. "By the way, now that I know where you are, I'm filing for divorce _and_ abandonment. You're going to pay. Also, as far as family goes, I hope you enjoy life alone, because none of us want anything more to do with you." She shook her head and hit the elevator button, muttering to herself as the doors opened. "Talk about _my_ family like that…" Hector paled and Andre clicked his tongue and shook his head, not surprised at the outcome.

Carly stared in bewilderment, her eyes connected with Freddie's and she quickly motioned him to follow her. They ran out to the stairs and watched as Sam and Melanie flew to Pam and hugged her, cheering her on. Beck stood next to them, a proud expression was stuck onto his face as well. Her heart started to swell and a tear ran down her cheek as she realized what happened. In a way, she brought Sam's family even closer than before while also finally managing to get a hold of Hector so they could deal with him. Freddie looked to her and smirked.

"You still feel like iCarly creates nothing but negativity? I almost wonder what you have planned for _next_ week." She wiped her eye and smiled brightly.

"You'll see, Freddie. You'll see." He raised his eyebrow as she turned to face him. "Have you taken my advice on the anger thing?"

"Uh…yeah…"

"And have you told Sam?"

"A little afraid to."

"You should tell her, but when you're ready. Not right now, obviously." Carly looked down to her friend. The entire family had tears streaming their cheeks. "Don't want to do anything with the moment. Anyway, let's get back up…I need to relieve Andre."

"Yeah, how do you plan these things?"

"Not hard, really…I had Tori's contact info, she's started dating Andre, so she got a hold of him for me, he was pissed at Beck's father enough, so he decided to get that guy in a room where he'd be unable to simply walk away from the conversation."

"I see."

"Yeah…" She moved upstairs and back into the room where Andre was standing next to the man. Someone else was in the room with them, at first glance he looked like Rodney, which caught Carly off guard. "Holy crap! Rodney!"

Andre looked to the camera and shook his head. "No, not Rodney…_Robbie_…He finally managed to get out of his house." Carly huffed with disappointment and frowned as her eyes settled on Robbie. His empty dark eyes contrasted so starkly with his pale skin she felt as if they were going to emerge from their sockets. His pale lips remained parted, like he was using his mouth for most of his breathing. She tore her gaze away as Andre continued his words, "He wants to know if any of you know where he can find Rodney." Her eyebrows rose as she looked to Freddie, curious as to whether he would say where Rodney was. "Also, is Rodney still stalking you guys?"

"Yeah…just a little worried about it, but thankfully he doesn't know where Jonah's at. "As for Rodney's address, I'm not sure where he is."

"Me either." Freddie's response stunned her, but at the same time, she was pleased. She didn't want Freddie giving away Rodney's location just to let his family come and terrorize him. Sure he was bad, but not even he deserved that kind of hell. Robbie closed his eyes and stared at Hector.

"What's wrong with you people?" Robbie's question was dry and filled with malice, in all honesty, it scared the man more than any of the stuff he'd heard tonight. "Parents can't be relied on, siblings can't be relied on, humanity is full of lying, fucked up dicks. That's it, there is nothing else. That coward of a brother left me to suffer my parents…he and I are going to have to talk. He'd better hope I don't find him…" Carly felt a chill run down her spine and chuckled nervously as Robbie started heading out of the house. She shook that ominous feeling and stared at Hector, who appeared impatient and tired.

"I guess you have your punishment, Hector. You lose your family. That's what you wanted, I guess, when you decided to abandon them and lie to them. They're downstairs, hugging and hitting it off, being an actual family, while you sit there…alone. You reap what you sow, Hector. You reap what you sow…" Freddie agreed and decided to interject his own opinion.

"Jonah's always talking about fate and how we end up choosing what path we want to take, what our destiny may be. Many have already chosen their paths and even if the future could be foretold to them, there is no changing fate unless they changed themselves. Right now, people like Rodney, the Shadow Hammer, they're just snowballing and their fate may already be cemented, unless they can change."

"Yep." Carly smiled with pride and folded her arms over as Hector scowled. It was too late for him, his fate was already set in stone. There was no changing it now. The Shadow Hammer was coming soon enough. "It's too late for you, maybe you could have changed it by being honest, but you opted to lie and hoard, so in the end, you wind up alone….A new chapter begins for your family, but for you, the story's over. Once that divorce is finalized, you begin your life alone, forever." Hector frowned and slumped his shoulders. Carly paused for a moment, then turned to Andre. "Andre, that's all I need, thank you, you've been a great help."

"No problem, Carly." The camera clicked off and Carly turned to her own camera, smiling with determination.

"This has been Carly Shay; getting stuff done one step at a time." Freddie clicked off the camera and gave her an odd look, then shook his head. "Well? How was that? There wasn't anything wrong with that, was there?"

"I guess not, I just wonder what you're up to with iCarly. I mean, you've done something for Jonah and his family, you've done something for Sam and her family, you've done something for Spencer, done something for Valerie, I mean don't get me wrong, it's a very good thing you're doing-"

"I'm making things right for the things that I think iCarly's screwed up. You saw how I helped Lewbert last week, right?" She found him and helped gather viewer support to fix up his apartment, get a doctor to remove that wart, and get him back into the modeling career that he'd once been involved with. "I don't want to think that iCarly's become a bad thing."

"Well it's definitely not a bad thing, I'll give you that. I guess, keep up the good work." She smiled with pride as he left the studio. All this helping out really was making her feel good. Some things had been a simple task, some things rough, but now it was time for the most difficult task of all. She looked to where Freddie had walked out and inhaled sharply before releasing a soft exhale.

"Here goes nothing."

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><p>Well an interesting chapter this has been, hope you've enjoyed it.<p> 


	40. An Old Man's Tale

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 39 (An Old Man's Tale)<p>

Jonah eyed the clock above the counter with anticipation, just eight more minutes before he would be allowed to clock out from Walgreens and go home. However, it wasn't just home he was excited about. Valerie and Freddie would be at the house and they were going to play some soccer out back of the farm. It would be the first time the two of them saw the farm. It was huge, and the farm animals living there were awesome. He loved the horses most of all, there was the black stallion named Knight that he rode every day.

He was very impressed with how well Valerie had been doing lately, she was growing stronger every day. Her family even said she was becoming more and more like her old self! Having friends that she could trust really did make a difference for her, that much was evident. She was still terrified to death of Rodney, but she was confident enough to try and stand up to him if he came around. She was already becoming strong in martial arts skills, due to Vanessa's teachings. She actually managed to convince her college professor to let Valerie in the classes as an official student, in her endeavors, she had proven herself worthy of the blue belt. Jonah had seen Valerie in action once and thought she was fantastic, no way she was letting _anyone_ hurt her again. Her entire family was proud of her.

"Jonah, I'm ready to check out." Jonah looked over to see his usual customer walking towards the cash register. He was a husky veteran, about sixty years old. He was balding, had a moustache, and a soft, round face. He had a slight humpback that he never complained about. He wore thin glasses and often came in wearing a red plaid sweater that his wife had knit for him, it meshed well with his blue jeans. Jonah would always help him to his car if he needed anything, the man was a very valued customer.

"All right Mr. Travis, I'll take your items." The man's name was actually Travis, but Jonah felt it was respectful to put the salutation before his name.

"Oh thank you, I'm tired of pushing this cart around." Jonah smiled as the man started taking the items in his cart and putting them on the counter for him. He started checking the items out and listened to the man speak. "How are your classes coming along? I know you're trying to go into the medical field?" He nodded and ran a snow globe box along the scanner.

"Yeah, I want to become a Military Doctor one day."

"They're good people, you'll do great. A tidbit of advice though, remind your drill instructor that you may be taking care of them one day." The man winked and Jonah laughed heartily. "It never fails."

"I'll remember that, Mr. Travis."

"When you go off to college and then the Air Force, who'll sit here and listen to an old man tell his tales?" Jonah scanned and bagged another item, humming to himself.

"Well, I'll have to find someone as friendly as I am. Maybe I'll get my best friend to start working here."

"Oh yes, Mr. Benson, how is Freddie these days?"

"He's fine, got that girlfriend of his, they're practically inseparable."

"Ah I know that feeling. Young love." Jonah nodded as he started to ring up the cash register. Mr. Travis grabbed the bags and started loading them into the cart. "Tell me, do you have a young love?"

"No sir." He paused and looked up from the cash register. Was that the right answer? He didn't have a girlfriend to speak of, but there was no denying the feelings he had for Valerie. "Well…I guess that's debatable." The elderly man raised his eyebrow and smirked knowingly.

"Oh?" He smiled at the elder and folded his arms over.

"Yeah, there's this one girl that I really like. I think she likes me. I want to ask her on a date-"

"So why don't you? You're a guy who speaks his mind, right?" He nodded and leaned back as Mr. Travis gave him a smile of reassurance. "A man of confidence has less to fear than a man with no confidence. If you're certain of how you feel, tell her, and you may do better than you actually think."

"She's been through a lot though, but I guess we have become pretty close."

"Exactly." The man pat Jonah's arm. Jonah looked to the amount due on the cash register, then back to the man. "If you're sure she likes you, she must be acting in a way that makes you believe she likes you. How has she acted?"

"Well, I know when we hang out, there are times when she'll put her head on my shoulder and cuddle real close." Travis gave Jonah a funny look and Jonah's eyebrow arched up. Okay, that was a bit of an obvious fact. "Let me tell you a story of how I met my wife, if you have time?"

"Hm…" He glanced at the clock, he had a couple minutes, but he didn't mind at all. "I have time."'

"Okay, well if you must know, when I was in the war, I was a rough and tough kind of guy, didn't take crap from _anyone_." Jonah's lips curled into a grin as he put the receipt on the counter and the man put the cash down for him. "I guess what I needed was a sweet woman by my side to soften me up, but I was young, I didn't want to be saddled like that."

"Not many tough guys do, sir." He knew the feeling, he was a tough guy himself. Everyone knew that about him. The man laughed and shook his head.

"No sir they don't, they want to live forever being tough as nails. Well I was going through this town overseas and I stopped by this little shack on the side of the road. I was tired, beat down, and needed to sleep, but the restaurant's owner had one daughter who saw me and would not let me go any further, no matter how much I protested. Instead, she made me a bed, gave me a meal, and then gave me a bath…well, every time I went through that town, I stopped by there and she would refresh me…"

"That sounds nice, also sounds like she was softening you up."

"At the same time, she made me a better person. Those constant refreshers put me in a good mood and I became more alert, less abrasive, and more easy-going, simply because I was not stressed out and tensed." Jonah lifted his eyebrows and thought back to Valerie. Ever since he met her, he hadn't actually been harsh towards anyone, rather, he was a lot more easy going than he'd ever been. "Seeing her put me in such a good mood and I started noticing how she complimented me, I offered to take her out and she accepted. The clincher was after a while, when I slept, she would start climbing next to me to cuddle, that's how I knew she felt something more than just simple generosity after a while."

"I see. So what happened to her?" The old man grinned and grabbed his cart's handlebar.

"She married me a few years later." Jonah chuckled and started to walk around the counter to help the man with his items. The man held his hand up and smiled past his wrinkles. "It's okay, go home and call that young woman up that's on your mind, talk to her. I bet she's just waiting for you to take her on a date." Jonah blinked and nodded slowly, he was stunned, but always valued this man's wisdom. The man started to walk off, then stopped and looked back with a pleasant smile. "By the way, I don't know if I've ever told you, but I appreciate these talks we have. It's always good to have someone to talk to since my wife passed last year." Jonah's heart lifted and he waved at the man, he lived for moments like these. He knew Mr. Travis had to be lonely since his wife passed away, so it made sense to talk to him and keep him in spirits. Sometimes the man came by just to chat, but usually on days that were not very busy. "You've really made an old man feel right at home sometimes."

"Thank you Mr. Travis, I hope you have a great day."

"You too Jonah, you too." The man made his way to his car and Jonah walked back around the counter. He sighed and clicked the register.

"Time to clock out and get home…" He lifted his head and frowned, he had the sinking suspicion that he was being watched. Of course, he was used to it by now, but it was the first time it happened around his work. With a yawn, he closed up the started signing out as the employee working the next shift walked through the door. "Hey Paul, you ready to clock in, cause I need to get home. Don't want to leave the register unmanned."

"Sure Jonah, I'll take care of it, see you tomorrow." He nodded and gave Paul a nod of respect. Paul had been his supervisor when he first started, so he had a lot of respect for the man. As he made his way to his car, he saw a bumper sticker on the car next to his, it was supporting the State's new law on handgun ownership, stating it was legal for an eighteen year old to carry a handgun.

"Meh…at that age, really?" He wasn't a strong supporter of the law, considering most teenagers at that age probably didn't understand the gravity of owning a gun or the responsibility that came with it. At least, that was his opinion on the matter. "Now…" He unlocked his car and glanced up, he had chills running down his body. His eyes narrowed and he surveyed his surroundings. "Just nerves, that's all…" He quickly entered his car, started the engine and backed out. It was a good drive to the farm, so he needed to hurry and avoid traffic.

Before he got on the freeway, he received a text from Valerie asking him to come to her house real quick, so he made a U-turn and headed to her place. When he got there, he saw her standing on the lawn. He moved over to her, curious as to what she needed. "What's going on, Val?"

"Well, I'm sorry for making you drive out here, but I didn't have a whole lot of time to talk. Mom's not feeling well, Vixen's come down with something, and Victoria and Veronica aren't looking too hot either. Dad's at work, so I need to stay here and make sure they're okay."

"I hope they will be, what do you think it is?"

"I don't think it's anything serious, it's mainly just Vixen with a stomach ache. Veronica's just exhausted, Victoria's exhausted, and Mom just got done having a bad flashback…so, I hope it's okay that I take care of them right now."

"Yeah, it's fine Val." He smiled and looked over at the door. "Do you want me to take a look, I might know a home remedy for them."

"Sure, I'd be happy with that." She turned and led him inside.

After several minutes, he managed to determine that Vixen had eaten something that her stomach wasn't cooperating with. He recommended something from the pharmacy to help with that. The other two sisters were okay, they did a lot of strenuous exercise in P.E., so naturally they'd passed out. Viola was doing okay, but needed some rest. Valerie still wanted to stick around and look after everyone.

They ended up outside Jonah's car, saying their farewells for the day. Jonah looked into her heart and smiled as he remembered Mr. Travis's words. "You know Val, I admire that heart of yours. You really care about your family, that is very important." She smiled and gave him a brisk nod.

"Thanks, it's just that I feel family comes first, so I have to make sure they're all right. They'll be up and running by tomorrow, I'm certain. Then everyone's doing something this weekend."

"Oh?" He tilted his head and hummed. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Me? Nothing, probably watching some movies…Veronica's going to be hanging out with Vanessa at the college, Victoria's working on an art project at the church all weekend, Vixen's got a sleep over with a few of her girlfriends…Mom and Dad will be hanging out around the house, but that's about it." She gave him a slight look, then glanced away, sighing quietly. "I might help Victoria out, if there's nothing else to do."

"So, pretty much a boring weekend, huh?"

"Yep." He smiled slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. Valerie lifted her eyes to him. He started to say something, then paused, unsure of what exactly to say. "You have something on your mind, Jonah?" It had been almost a month, hadn't it? Would she be willing to try dating? He needed to stop worrying about it and just come out with it. He never had a problem saying what was on his mind before, why was he so nervous with this one thing? It wasn't a small deal at all, so maybe that was it. He cleared his throat and brought his hand to his side.

"Yeah, I was wondering if maybe you, if you weren't doing anything this weekend, you might want to…" Jesus, now he was getting tongue tied? Valerie's eyebrows moved in a slow rise and her lips parted slightly as he stumbled on his words. "Wow…I'm surprised…"

"About what?"

"That I'm too damn nervous to just ask if you'd like to go on a date, like an 'official' date…" Valerie gasped and Jonah's heart shot to his throat. Go figure, the moment he stopped worrying about it, he was able to say it with ease. He lifted his eyes skyward and sighed. "Well that was more difficult than it needed to be." She giggled once and covered her mouth. He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Cute."

"Oh hush." Her cheeks grew bright red and she slowly closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "Yeah, I'd love to go on a date with you. Don't be so nervous…I'll have enough of that myself."

"All right, so…Saturday? Maybe dinner and a walk?"

"The dinner I like, the walk…I don't know…You know who is still out there, I think." Jonah understood the concern there, so he figured he'd have to think of something different. She smiled at him and exhaled. "Maybe Dinner and…you mentioned the horses on your cousin's farm? Do they ever leave the farm?"

"Yeah, there's a long road for them."

"Maybe we can do that, since that guy doesn't know where June's farm is." He smiled and agreed to that fact. "So dinner at six and horseback at sunset?"

"That sounds good, I can pick you up at five, then?"

"Sounds like a plan." She smiled at him and gave him a hug. He felt his body heat up and blushed as she released him and took a step back. "So I'll…see you then?"

"Yes. I'll call you."

"Okay. I'm trusting you, you know…I have to get back in and check on my sisters and mom now, but I'll be waiting!" He smiled at her and watched her head back to her door, she had a slight skip to her step. He waved and slowly entered into his car. What just happened? His eyes widened as the reality hit him, he was going on a date with Valerie! He could just picture the victory dance Freddie was going to do when he found out. Then again everyone around them was likely to celebrate. Now if only _he_ could stop himself from doing a dance when he got home.

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><p>A very sweet old man, and a great regular customer, now pay attention to a possible foreshadowing of events that will appear to always remain a constant. Oh, and good news, Jonah finally pulled his act together and asked Valerie on a date! Whoo! Next chapter will be great, although, here comes an interrogation for him XD<p> 


	41. Interrogation

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 40 (Interrogation)<p>

Jonah tapped his thumb on the steering wheel as he drove down the road, Saturday had arrived. _Marissa_, of all people, helped everyone dress him for his date! He'd chosen his own clothes, they made "additions". Freddie was there and actually started laughing like a maniac when his mom, June, and Jonah's Aunt Christa began commenting on the wardrobe. He was taking Valerie to a fancy restaurant, Cascina Spinasse where the dress was formal. He now wore a brown button up dress shirt, black and silver tie, and black dress pants reaching down to his smooth dress shoes. He also had a black sports jacket, made by Chaps. It actually belonged to his father, considering he himself did not have a sports coat. He needed to do some shopping and get himself one, these things really did look amazing. Hopefully Valerie liked it.

He parked alongside her curb and gently tugged on his tie, one of the first things he noticed was _Vanessa__'__s_ car alongside the curb. He should have expected it, considering Carly told them Valerie's family was stopping or breaking from their weekend activities just for this moment. They had every right and reason to, Valerie did understand that she wasn't going to date a man that her family didn't approve of, and they still only knew Jonah for nearly two months, depending on the person. Vanessa had only met him a couple times due to her always being at the college. Not only that, but after the façade with Rodney, they would most likely want to make sure she wouldn't be on the road to getting hurt again.

He moved from the car and took a deep breath. Why the hell was he so nervous? Then again, this was a big day. He exhaled and adjusted his jacket. He glanced up and raised his eyebrow, now was _not_ the time to worry about looks. Then again, it was a damn good time. He blinked and looked to his watch, any longer and he'd be late! Freddie warned him about this, first date jitters. He said he'd been lucky enough not to have to be questioned by Sam's entire family on their first date, so Jonah was going to have a _fun_ time with the family.

He ran his hand roughly through his hair and began walking towards the front door. Once there, he rang the doorbell and waited. It was less than a minute before Valerie opened up the door and stunned him with her beauty. She was wearing a very formal, blue dress with lacy shoulders and frills at the bottom towards her ankles. It had a floral pattern on the lower portion. Her hair had been done in a wavy fashion, curling in at her shoulders. She had minimal makeup, just enough to accentuate her cheeks and eyes. She smiled at him and he quickly cleared his throat, scolding himself for possibly staring.

"Sorry Val, can I just say…you look stunning!" She blushed lightly and grabbed the edges of her dress, pulling it out slightly and doing a small curtsey.

"Thanks, Mom and Veronica took me shopping with them yesterday and we tried on a _ton_ of dresses. I really liked this one and it got high marks from Mom and Veronica, so we got it."

"You and your family have great taste, if I say so myself." Her eyes dazzled and she looked over to the car. She chuckled and pointed to it. He glanced back and his eyes started to widen, he'd left the car running! "Ah! I forgot to turn off the car!" His face went red with embarrassment as he ran over and pulled the keys from the ignition. Once done, he made his way back to Valerie, rubbing his neck nervously. "I uh, I don't usually leave the car running like that…Not sure what's going on with me today."

"You're nervous. I think it's cute." He chuckled as she took him by the hand and led him inside. "So I can't be in the room while my family gives you the uh…the riot act, so to speak…" He started to whimper, but kept quiet and firmly nodded in understanding. Why was he so scared of them, they were great people, he adored them! Of course, they were probably going to be hard on him anyway, so that was a reason to fret. "So I can't control what they say or how they act, they'll let me know if they approve of you and…I'm going to be honest, if they don't approve…"

"Yeah, I understand." She smiled at him started leading him into the kitchen.

"Don't worry, they love you!" He smiled and his heart began to rise up. Once in the kitchen, he spotted the family sitting around the rectangular table. Vincent was at the head, Voila was seated on the right side of the table, her hand in Vincent's. Vanessa and Veronica were next to her. On the other side, Vixen and Victoria were sitting with a plate of French fries. Valerie led Jonah to the end of the table, directly opposite of Vincent. "Okay, he's here, _please_ don't scare him too much." Her family smiled at her and Jonah smiled as she promptly left the room.

After a moment of silence and glances from the others to Jonah, and vice versa, Vincent decided to start the conversation. "So, Jonah, you've finally decided to ask Valerie on a date. I'm happy to hear this, but you need to know that just because we _do_ like you and we _do_ trust you with her, we still need to talk and lay down some foundation." He smiled as Vincent leaned forward and looked into his eyes with a stern, but trusting gaze. "Do you agree?"

"Yeah, I have absolutely no problem with that." No wonder he was sitting at the kitchen table, this was almost like a job interview. Go figure, Vincent was a businessman no doubt, chances were he'd done this with several people in the past. Still, that was no comfort to his already shot nerves. "I've been attracted to Valerie for a while now…"

"She's a beautiful woman, she should be treated as such. After her last…well, there's nothing he's worthy enough to be called…You understand, we really don't let anything slide." The others nodded and Jonah agreed once more, they had dire cause to be protective and every right to be. "We've got a few questions for you, that's all. We already trust you won't do anything sexual, pardon my bluntness. We trust you to get her back sometime in the range of ten to eleven. We already can tell you're a trustworthy guy where that is concerned."

"Thank you." Just keep quiet and let them do the talking. There wasn't anything he had to worry about, but he also didn't want to say anything that might tick them off. "Since we're just going to dinner, then to the farm, I think I'll have her back by ten."

"Good to hear." Jonah moved his eyes among the family members and saw Veronica tapping her painted nails on the table, she and Vanessa were both watching Jonah keenly. She creased her brow impatiently and slowly looked over to her father. Vincent stopped and nodded at her. She turned her gaze back to Jonah and sat up straight, moaning from the relaxed state.

"All right, I'm going to touch on something we've heard from Sam…" Jonah closed his eyes and groaned inwardly, he knew what was coming. Honestly, he knew they were right to ask about this, no matter how uncomfortable it was. Right now, they were not going to worry about whether or not something was uncomfortable. "Now I know this was something that happened in the past, both Sam and Valerie, along with Freddie seem to have agreed that they feel you wouldn't repeat this, but when you dated Sam, you tried to cheat on her. With _Carly_, no less…we've spoken to Carly and she swears nothing happened, what are your thoughts on this?"

He cringed at the memory and shook his head. He'd not really planned on that, but apparently they did their research on him. If they talked to Sam, Carly, and Freddie about him, then there was a chance they talked to _everyone_. "It's a bad memory from a time when my head wasn't on straight. I don't know what I was doing, I don't know _what_ I was thinking. I was still depressed over my mom's passing, dad being an absentee father, struggling to raise Olivia…I made a mistake, I regretted it, I got my punishment for it in more ways than one-"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" He felt his heart sink when he recalled the memory of Freddie going ballistic on him. If they knew what Freddie had done back then, they would surely not want him around Valerie. "I went through that painful ordeal of the wedgie thing, then I lost my best friend for a couple months…Freddie would not talk to me. That was hard to deal with, we were like brothers, and at the time I really didn't have any other friends to speak of."

"How did you two manage to become friends again?"

"He lost his way also, so when we finally managed to meet up and talk, we had a kind of bonding moment where we just started over." The family nodded and looked around at each other. Jonah breathed in deeply and exhaled, he _really_ wanted to forget all of that. "I am not that way, it's not me, not who I am. Even my little sister was angry at me, and _that_ hurts more than even losing my best friend and dealing with everyone else hating me for making such a stupid move."

"There's one reason we like you," Vixen interrupted. Jonah looked at her with a sad smile, still trying to shake the old memory. "You've been there, you've been where she's been. Right? People picked on you in school, just like Valerie." Veronica moved her arm to rest on the table and looked over to Vixen.

"I think what Vixen's saying is you know what it's like, so you help Valerie in so many ways. Your experiences made you aware of your surroundings, in which case, Valerie looks up to you." She looked over to him with a light smile. "You don't know how happy you've made her, you know. I mean since she met you, there's been that light in her eyes. I think Freddie also mentioned she's even softened _you_ up. I agree, from the things I've heard around Ridgeway. People have said you're a very tough kind of person, but since meeting Valerie, you've become really softer. You two fit together, in my opinion. I don't know, it's my opinion, I think you both compliment each other and have a lot that you can give each other." He was very happy to hear those words coming from her, especially since she was the sister that looked up to Valerie the most.

"Yeah, I agree!" Vixen bounced from her chair and hurried over to the refrigerator, taking a Dr. Pepper out. "Ever since she met you, sis has been really happy. She's even tried to dance with me, she hasn't tried to do that in a long time!" Vixen grinned and bounced back to the table.

"It's true," Victoria interjected. "She _is_ becoming her normal self again and it's because you let her be herself and because she met Sam, Freddie, and Carly. She opened herself up and she doesn't have to be afraid to, I think that's a good thing."

"So you've shown promise." Jonah looked to Viola, who was looking into his eyes. She seemed to be searching him for anything less than genuine emotions, but found none. She leaned back and folded her hands over in her lap. "Valerie's told us that you went through a lot of struggle as a child, I don't know what it was, but at least your father's absence explains why you struggled through life…I'm proud, when I look at you, to see a nice young man with a good head on his shoulders. Just about everyone we talked to told us many good things about you, and yes, they told us some negative…but I'm confident enough to trust you with Valerie. I don't think you would hurt her."

"I wouldn't dream of laying a hand on her. I'm not that person." She nodded and clasped her hands together, smiling slightly. Vanessa rubbed her temple with her finger and stared off at the wall.

"We just want to make sure that you're not going to hurt her. We're sure you won't, but we've noticed a pattern here." Vanessa sat up and straightened her shoulders out. She closed her eyes and breathed from her nose. "Granted even if you _did_ try to hurt her, she's getting stronger in self defense, she'd probably be able to kick your ass."

"I am not-"

"I know, I know." She waved her hand dismissively in the air and Jonah slowly leaned back in his chair. He wasn't getting offended or irritated, he just wanted to ensure how he felt. "When she was eight years old, she had a crush on the school bully, but kids will be kids. When she got a bit older, she _did_ date someone, just not anything more than once or twice, she was about eleven, right Dad?" Vincent lifted his eyebrows and folded his arms over.

"Yeah, didn't that kid have an attitude problem? It was so long ago."

"Yeah, spouted off at every turn. Not at Valerie, just to his teachers and parents. I'm sure the kid's still a brat. Who knows…Fast forward a few years, she dates Freddie, now what did he tell us, Mom?"

"He confessed to having anger issues…" Jonah raised an eyebrow and the kind woman put her hands up, maintaining innocence. "He didn't say what, but he did admit that he was very aggressive and has threatened Rodney..."

"Yeah, and then we're brought to Rodney. At this point, we're not letting her date anyone that doesn't meet our standards. If we don't know them, if we don't feel he isn't an abuser, drug user, and so forth, and he doesn't prove it…Then we won't approve. Now to clarify, you're not an aggressive person, not dangerous, at least we don't think you are. An uncaring person would not act the way you do. Tell us about yourself, be honest, and don't say anything you don't feel comfortable with. Okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Everyone listened attentively and eyed him, silencing themselves and being sure to hear his every word. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Where do I start? I was born June 10th, 1993…I grew up with a father having constant flashbacks to an earlier time, he thought I was that bad person, so he…" Jonah moved his eyes to the side and flinched as the memory of being thrown through a glass window as a child shot through his mind. Bloody, beaten, he lay there listening to his mother crying for Michael to come back to his senses as he beat his own son harder. He opened his eyes and shook his head. "He never laid a hand on my little sister, Mom would always care for me, then she was diagnosed with cancer in 2001. She passed away when I was just eight years old…Dad hid himself away, possibly out of guilt. So I struggled to take care of myself and Olivia, growing up."

"That's a hard thing to do. I'm sorry you went through that. You didn't have to tell us…"

"No, you asked me to be honest…not even Freddie knows that. I mean, Valerie knows because I hinted it and she caught it…" He felt bile starting to rise in his throat, so he quickly moved on from the bitter memories. "I focused on school, nobody ever bothered with me, I had no friends until I met Freddie. We would do everything together. He lost his father and I felt like mine was gone, so that was common ground for us. As time went on, Freddie came to me and asked if I wanted to go out with Sam, he said Carly wanted me to…"

"Surprising."

"Yeah…Well at that time, my life was so screwed up that I stopped caring about anything or anyone…" Viola frowned and Vanessa's eyebrow arched up. Vincent continued looking in Jonah's eyes, saying nothing. "Then I made my first mistake, my realization, when I stupidly tried to kiss Carly. I don't know what possessed me, I wasn't really attracted to her..."

"You're not now, I hope." He gave them a distasteful look and they chuckled at the confirmation of their question.

"She's a good friend, but nowhere near my 'type', if you will. I say friend rather loosely, there's still that awkward air. I don't talk to her much."

"Fair enough."

"Anyway, I had time to reflect on what I did, and how everyone felt. That's when Freddie broke away and I could never talk to him. I'd lost everything, it hit hard. I never wanted to do something like that again and I _needed_ my best friend, but he was nowhere around…" He closed his hands up and gazed down at the table, now recalling the vivid memory of Freddie brandishing that baseball bat. "But that's when I realized he needed me more. At that time, Rodney was behind the daily assaults I received from the school kids-" Veronica cleared her throat and looked over with a surprised expression.

"Rodney was?"

"Yes. He had some kind of weird crush on Sam at the time, I think. At least that's what I heard, something to do with those cuttlefish tickets years ago."

"Jesus…" She looked over to Viola. "Mom, can I say how much I hate Rodney, think he's a creep, and then ask God for forgiveness _later_?" Viola closed her eyes and smiled while Veronica moved her gaze back to Jonah. "I'm sorry, please continue!"

"Okay…well, at that time I figured I needed to start toughening myself up. It was like…all these people were just attacking me, some would physically attack and others would verbally, so yes…I _did_ fight back. I know it was wrong, but that's what I felt was what I had to do to protect myself…" He watched Vincent lean forward, his fingers tangled together in front of his face. He hoped his past wouldn't be something they didn't like about him. "I toned it down because I had people to take care of at the time. Figured I had to be tough. Then…I met Valerie. I saw people treating her the way they did me and I just couldn't take it, so I went to talk to her."

"Yeah, she told us about that. We're glad you did." He smiled and took a deep breath as they waited for him to continue his story.

"I enjoyed spending time with her, enjoyed her presence, and didn't like what Rodney was doing to her. I saw the heart she had, I saw the things she enjoyed, and an attraction formed. I knew I couldn't say anything about it while she was dating Rodney."

"Obviously. That would have been appropriate."

"Yeah Vanessa…I didn't want to start anything. I know it's been a month since she broke up with Rodney, I wasn't sure if she would want to go out or not, but a very nice regular customer at Walgreens, which is where I work, told me I should just say how I felt. I did and she said yes. I want to date Valerie."

"You also volunteer at a local clinic, right?"

"Yes."

"You want to become a medical doctor in the military?"

"Yes, after college I want to become an officer."

"Admirable…" Vanessa turned to the others, all of whom had been quiet during the entire time. She cleared her throat and lifted up a finger, signaling she'd heard enough. "Okay, so I think we've heard enough…what says everyone?"

"I like him!" Vixen exclaimed. She thought it was great how honest he'd been, plus, he really did care about Valerie. Victoria was next to agree, smiling and nodding with her sister.

"I think he really cares about Valerie and I think he wouldn't hurt her." Vanessa nodded and glanced to Veronica, who agreed as well. Next was Viola.

"He makes my baby happy, how can I say no?" Vanessa laughed and Vincent lifted his eyebrows and slowly put his hands onto the table. Jonah was more surprised by Vanessa's laughing, she was always the hardest person in the family, even though Valerie's dad came pretty close on levels of strictness. He really hoped these two liked him enough, because it all rested on their word. If they said no, then there was probably not much chance of him taking Valerie on a date. He did need their blessing, after all. Vanessa was the first to comment.

"Honestly Jonah, I was surprised to hear you _had_ been aggressive, but it seems like that is long gone now." He nodded and felt a nervous lump forming in his throat. Yes it was long gone, no he would never be aggressive again, but that past was such a key factor that they _definitely_ could turn him down. "If Valerie likes you, Mom trusts you, my sisters trust you…I can see that you're a genuine, down to earth guy and Valerie _really_ needs that in her life…" She slowly nodded and exhaled. "You have my support, no doubt about it." His heart jumped up and his lungs immediately began going into overtime, as if they'd been holding in air all this time. He turned his eyes to Vincent and felt a drop of sweat roll down the back of his neck. Vincent lifted his hand and pointed a finger to Jonah.

"Just remember this, you already know my father _is_ a part of the mafia. Valentine…" That shocked Jonah, but Valerie had already mentioned that once before. He wondered if they were ever searching for Rodney, maybe not, Valerie mentioned her family didn't agree too much with the whole thing. "I changed my last name because my family doesn't associate with that lifestyle, can't say my brother's pleased, _but..._should you _ever_ do anything to hurt Valerie, I can't promise that I won't give my father or brother a call. Got it?"

"Yes! Definitely." Vincent smirked and gestured his head to the door.

"Good, it's unanimous. Go have fun on your first date, have her back by ten."

"I-I will! Thank you. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't, I know you won't let her down either."

"I promise."

With that, he slowly stood from the table and staggered outside, he was so mixed in his emotions that he couldn't even walk straight. It was embarrassing! He saw Valerie reading a book on the couch and smiled at her. She looked up and met his eyes. "So how was it? I hope they didn't scare you or anything…"

"No, not at all, but they gave me the Williams' family seal of approval." She laughed and quickly rose to her feet, dropping her book on the couch.

"That's great! See, I _told_ you they would like you!" He wouldn't mention that he was close to passing out, it was hard to stomach the level of anxiety he'd been feeling during that time. He needed to realize they wouldn't fault him for small things, and the big things weren't as bad, and that's why they accepted him. Now, he just hoped they had a good first date.

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><p>Well Jonah definitely has the approval of Valerie's family, which is incredibly important to everyone. Props to Jonah!<p> 


	42. The First Date

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 42 (First Date Jitters)<p>

Jonah held the door of the restaurant open for Valerie. She thanked him and walked inside. He entered and confirmed their reservation with the host, who promptly led them to the table and handed them their menus. "This place is so fancy, Jonah! How on earth are you able to afford?" He chucked and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, the majority of it is my paycheck, but some of the expenses comes from my Uncle." She nodded her head in understanding and looked down the menu. He was intrigued with the menu and not too sure what to order, he _definitely_ did not want to order spaghetti, that was too typical and not a date-worthy meal. "Pity, we come to a beautiful restaurant like this and we can't order wine yet." She giggled and looked up from her menu.

"I'm sure they have a non alcoholic version. I'm not an alcohol person anyway, don't like the taste of it." That was a surprise, he didn't know she ever tried alcohol before. He hadn't.

"You've tried it?"

"Yeah, a long time ago, I didn't care for it."

"Fair enough." They opened their menus and immediately Jonah was overwhelmed, he had not come prepared! The entire menu was in Italian! Now he was going to look like a fool, but at the same time, she probably wouldn't be too concerned. "Uh, this is a bit embarrassing…"

"Can't read the menu?" His face turned red as Valerie glanced up at him with a gentle smile. "It's okay. You might figure that _Primi_ means first, so it looks like what we're seeing on the first page is just a three course meal. I think. Tararin al ragú o burro e salvia means a handmade meat sauce, or butter and sage. The next is artichoke ravioli. Anyway, the description beneath kind of explains what the Italian title is saying." He moved his eyes below the Tararin al ragú and saw that the description did say what Valerie told him it was. He sighed and closed her eyes, earning a small chuckle from her. "Don't be embarrassed, a lot of people probably struggle to read the menu. Let's look down this menu, are you _sure_ you can afford this?

"True, and sure, I can afford it all." He grinned and her eyebrow arched skeptically. The prices were _expensive_. He heard her tell him that the _ANTIPASTI_section of the menu meant "starters", so it was clear that was the appetizers section. As his eyes moved through the menu, he saw some choices he was more interested in. Then again, the _APERITIVI_ meant appetizers. He lifted his eyes skyward and groaned. "The menu is so confusing," he muttered. Valerie giggled and his lip curved up in a half smile. "Let me guess, you understand it just fine, right?"

"Yep." She explained the menu a bit better to him as the waiter walked up to their table. Jonah looked over and Valerie set her menu down on the table as a sign of respect. Thinking fast, he quickly followed suit. "Ciao!" The waiter smiled at her and looked over to Jonah.

"Ciao, I am your waiter this evening. Do you understand the menu well?" He smiled and gave the man a brisk nod.

"Yes, my date is Italian and seems to know the menu pretty well. First date, you know." The waiter looked well pleased and breathed in.

"Ah, I am pleased you've chosen Spinasse as the location of your first date together. You will be pleased with us." The waiter paused and offered a tidbit of advice in his native tongue, "Trattare sua destra, una bella donna con un cuore special non venire intorno spesso." Jonah blinked in confusion and looked over as Valerie's cheeks burned bright red. She opened the front page of her menu and Jonah glanced back at the waiter, who translated his words. "Treat her right, a beautiful woman with a special heart does not come around often." His lips formed an oval shape, then quickly turned to a smile, he would definitely treat her right. "Can I get you anything to drink?" Valerie looked up and smiled at him.

"Posso avere un po acqua?"

"Water? Okay." He wrote down the menu and Jonah tore his trancelike gaze from Valerie and asked for water as well. He was impressed with how fluent she was in Italian. Hell, he wasn't even fluent in _his_ native language! Although, up until recently, he didn't even know his family was from India. They thanked the water and watched him depart. Jonah took a deep breath and glanced over to Valerie.

"So, the waiter seems to recognize you, you've been here before?"

"Yeah, I actually worked here last summer. I wanted to keep working, but my ex didn't like it…" He rolled his eyes at the mention of Rodney and shook his head. On instinct, and without thinking, he reached over and cupped his hand over hers. She lifted her eyes into his and her lips curved into a smile.

"Do you ever want to come back? I mean if you want to work here, I think you should…You know the language, you know the menu. I mean hell, you just explained the whole damn menu to me and I understood it all, you would be _great_ here!"

"Do you really think so?"

"I _know_ you would. Whether you're one of the chefs or a server, you'd be perfect. I know you enjoy food, so wouldn't you enjoy it here?" She glanced to the table. He caught a very hardly noticeable smile on her face. It was like she didn't believe he'd actually be okay with her working.

"I would enjoy it, but it's just…" She jumped when the waiter came back and set her water in front of her. Her hand flew to her chest and she exhaled softly. "Giovanni , please don't do that so suddenly."

"My apologies." He placed Jonah's glass down and smiled at the two. "I couldn't help but overhear, I think it would be great to have you back on the staff here. We have some applications up front and could use a few extra hands. Marco would love to have you back."

"He's still the manager?"

"Yes."

Jonah smirked triumphantly as Valerie shifted her eyes to the water. She moaned in her thought and closed her eyes. "I'll think about it Giovanni . Is Rosina still working here?"

"Si, would you like me to fetch her for you?"

"Er…not right now, but I'm ready to order. Jonah?" When she looked at him, he caught himself gazing at her. He quickly cleared his throat and grabbed his menu up. His face went red when her giggle fell onto his ear. "So what were you looking at?" His blush continued to deepen and his eyes flew to one of the menu options.

"Tagliatelle con funghi ricco…" Valerie's eyebrows lifted and Giovanni laughed, Jonah's tone was shy and timid.

"Primo appuntamento e si comporta già come se fosse innamorato!" Valerie blushed slightly and held her smile.

"Lui non mi ha lasciato ancora, né ha fatto male…Lui è un uomo buono."

"Bene. Hai bisogno di un uomo buono di trattarti bene, non che tu eri con il culo prima di…"

"Per favore non parlare di lui, Giovanni , non qui, non ora."

"Mi dispiace per portario su. Perdonami." Jonah raised his eyebrow at the two and looked up from the menu. What on earth were they talking about? They were also speaking so fast that he was hardly catching anything at all! Not that it mattered, they probably had good reason to talk in Italian, hopefully it wasn't anything bad.

"Che stai bene, voglio solo godere il mio tempo con Giona." Giovanni smiled at her and quickly nodded his head. Jonah recognized the way she said the last word and figured maybe she said his name, so now he was curious.

"Si, per il vostro primo appuntamento, cercherò di trattare di un pasto perfetto! Lascerò che I cuochi sanno che stanno cucinando per Valerie e Giona, e il pasto deve essere perfetto!" She giggled a bit and Jonah continued to study the menu as he had been doing. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders, he was ready to order for sure, so he put his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat. The two stopped talking and Giovanni moved his pencil and paper up. "I'm sorry, are you ready to order?"

"Yes sir, I actually want to try the Ravioli di topinambur along with the Polpette di coniglio." The ravioli was the Jerusalem artichoke ravioli with crushed amaretti while the Polpette was rabbit meatballs wrapped in caul fat. It came with a caramelized turnip puree, pickled horseradish and crisp rosemary. "For the side, I'll try the roasted parsnip…that good?"

"Oh yes," Valerie replied while licking her lips. "All good selections! My favorite dishes." She lifted her hand up and looked to the waiter. "Giovanni , can you double those? I want what he's having."

"Capito, Miss Williams." He wrote the orders down and looked between the two. "I'll have your food right out."

"Thank you." The sunlight bore through the window and shone onto her, grabbing Jonah's attention. She rested her elbow on the table and her chin on her closed fist while gazing out the window. Her skin looked so soft and warm, he wanted to go to her side of the table and cuddle with her. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes and smiled. "What are you looking at?"

"The most beautiful sight I've seen in a long time." Her cheeks went red and she closed her eyes, scoffing in frustration at her blush.

"Hai avuto modo di smettere di fare mi arrossire..." He lifted his brows and smirked, he understood that arrossire meant blush, he heard the word used on a movie he saw recently and oddly could recall it. Her tone of voice sounded almost sarcastic, as if she didn't want to be blushing. He thought she looked lovely when she blushed.

"Does it help if I like making you blush?" She blinked and slowly closed her eyes, drawing a smirk to her lips.

"So you finally get me on a date and you choose now to try and be romantic?"

"Should I not be?"

"No…" Her eyes opened and her chest rose as air flew into her mouth. "I actually like that you are. I mean…No one has taken that effort to actually 'court' me or whatever…I mean, Rodney didn't, and don't get me wrong, but Freddie wasn't exactly a romantic back then either." He laughed and Valerie's eyebrows rose in question.

"He's had a few years to learn how to be romantic, back then he asked me for advice on how to act on a date…he didn't have to ask that when he went with Sam. Hell, back then _I_ didn't even know about the whole dating game."

"He actually had to ask what to do on a date?" She moved her other hand to her face and leaned forward, grinning from ear to ear. Jonah leaned back and nodded enthusiastically.

"Also what to wear, what to say, what to do…I wanted to help, but I kind of figured I might mess things up if I did. Turns out, Carly and Sam decorated him up."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." She waved her hand in the air as she recalled the memory. "His hair didn't really look good, it was slicked over…" Jonah paled and shook his head, he definitely thought Freddie's hair looked better the way he did it now.

"Yeah Carly decided to groom him…It looked like someone just drowned his hair in grease. He's really come a long way since then."

"You both have, Jonah." He raised an eyebrow as she moved her tender hand and placed it on his hand. Sensation rushed into his arm while she rubbed her thumb along his hand. She met his eyes and smiled warily. "I know I wasn't supposed to hear anything in the kitchen, and I didn't, but when I went to my room to get my book, I passed the kitchen when you were talking about your life…You sounded so…hurt."

He frowned and glanced to the side, he never liked to let anyone think he still carried any pain from his past. Yes it hurt that he never had friends besides Freddie, yes it hurt that he bore the brunt of his father's flashbacks when he was younger, yes it hurt that his mother died when he was young and his father vanished, but did he ever let it show? No. "Do I really make it obvious?"

"Only when you're talking about it…but you should know, I think you're very strong. I mean all that is bound to make you stronger, right? You have to be, you've dealt with it all…"

"Thanks…" He lifted his water to his lips and sipped the cold fluid. His voice had been about to crack, so he had to take the break. "Yeah it does still hurt." He sighed heavily and set the glass back down, staring at it for a moment. "Only Freddie knows, really." An unsettling sensation began to churn in his stomach, much to his disdain. He cleared his throat and quickly changed the topic. "I don't really want to talk about it right this minute."

"I understand." He smiled at her and brought up something that had been on his mind that her father told him.

"Is it true what your dad said about your family being in the Mafia?" She raised an eyebrow and laughed once. For a second, he was relieved.

"It actually is true." His relief shot down and his eyebrows rose. "But not Dad. My grandpa's name, paternally, is Valentine Guglielmo. He had two kids, my Uncle Johnny and my dad. Dad goes by Williams, which is the English variant of Guglielmo, so that's obviously why I'm Valerie _Williams_. My Uncle still goes by the Italian name. Uncle Johnny is the underboss for the Guglielmo Family, grandpa's the don…" He clicked his tongue and tried to absorb the information. As scary as it could be, it was still attractive as hell!

"I love the mafia…I used to read stories about the Italian Mafia when I was younger, it was always so cool. The Godfather is my favorite movie, Scarface is close too." Valerie laughed.

"Despite their life in the Mafia, Grandpa and Uncle Johnny are very nice people, but family is a big value. Dad's kept us completely out of that life, which is why…Rodney was allowed to do what he did for so long…" He was beginning to wonder about that, but it did explain how the boy got away with the shit he did. Vincent didn't seem like the type to want to be responsible for someone's death, no matter how bad they were, so he likely wouldn't ask Johnny or Valentine to get involved. "I hope that doesn't scare you, actually…"

"No, not at all! I actually think it's pretty cool." She lifted her eyes and chuckled.

"You really do know how to make a girl feel good. Are you sure Sam's the only girl you actually dated?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Impressive." Her lips tugged into a smirk and she slowly leaned back in her chair. "Did Freddie have to give you pointers?"

"Not really. I mean sure he gave some tips on things _not_ to do, but everything you're seeing is all natural."

"Well that's good." She uncrossed her legs and started to stand up. "I need to go to the restroom really fast. Don't go anywhere?"

"I'll be right here." She smiled and released his hand. He watched her depart and felt a lonely shiver. His eyes moved to the window and narrowed when he heard someone a few seats away speaking in Hindu. He recognized the language do to an interest in the culture after discovering his heritage. He turned his head and saw an older looking man walking towards him. He was nearly eighty, had a scar on his face, and was walking with a cane, and he clearly looked Indian. "Yes sir?"

"That kid was right, you look just like your father." Jonah raised his eyebrow and began to feel a bit uneasy. "Stronger looking too…"

"Uh, who are you? If you don't mind me asking…and who are you talking about."

"Some guy named Rodney contacted me, told me where to find the kid of the man who escaped my camp thirty years ago." His eyes started to widen as the old man took another step closer. His heart began to race and he moved back in the booth. "Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything here…I want to know where I can find your father, however."

"Yeah, how about fuck no?"

"Strange, the guy said you were not fond of your father. All I want is to speak with the man."

"Yeah well my father and I are getting closer, and if you're who I think you are, there's no way you're going near my dad. I've had _enough_ of the flashbacks! I'm not about to subject him to those again, nor am I letting him go ballistic on my sister or his girlfriend."

"Oh don't worry…" His chest rose and fell as his eyes trembled upon the bust of the cane. It was gold and looked like the head of an elephant. The man reached up and slowly twisted the elephant's head off, revealing a hidden spike. In a swift moment, the man brought the spike to Jonah's neck, causing him to gasp and hold his breath. "I only wish to talk to him. However, I wouldn't mind putting you to work in the fields of my mansion."

"Seriously? You can't do that…"

"You'd be surprised what I can do in India." The man narrowed his eyes and pushed the spike against Jonah's neck. "Whoever this Rodney guy is, he wants you gone. I wasn't sure why it was important, but I checked it out just to see what you were like. I could use you."

"You still run those child labor camps?"

"Well actually, I do. Granted my son's more in charge of that, I oversee things from my mansion, where I have several adults working for me."

"Working means they get paid…"

"No, they're not paid. I would consider paying you, though."

"Shut up…" Jonah narrowed his eyes and put his hand on the cane. The old man stammered and growled. He tried to push the spike forward, but Jonah tensed his arm and held the cane in place, slowly pushing forward against the old man's pressure. "You're right, I'm strong, and I get it from my father, but you can just rot in hell for all I care. Get this thing out of my face…" He threw the cane to the side just as Giovanni started walking up behind the man.

"Excuse me, sir?" The elder turned his glare to Giovanni and flared his nostrils. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave…you're disturbing our customers. If you don't leave, I'm going to have to call security." Jonah breathed in and slowly looked away, he thought Giovanni should call security anyway.

"Fine, I apologize for disrupting anything." The man walked off and Giovanni gave Jonah a concerned look.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Your food will be out shortly." Jonah smiled and watched the waiter walk away. He moved his hand to his neck and groaned softly. When he looked back up, Valerie was making her way to the table. He muttered under his breath about Rodney and started to smile at Valerie, trying to put what just happened out of his mind. She sat next to him.

"Did you miss me?"

"Yes I did, actually." He was thankful Valerie actually missed the whole thing. He didn't feel like bringing it up and worrying her about it, he wanted to have a good day with her. He moved his eyes to the floor and saw the elephant's head laying awkwardly in the middle of the aisle. He drew in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, he definitely had to tell his father about this. He lifted his eyes for a second and started thinking about everything that everyone was struggling with. Now thanks to Rodney, his father's nightmare was back. Why the hell was Rodney so desperate for Valerie?

"I missed you too." She moved her head to his shoulder and sighed. "I always find your shoulder extremely comfortable. I have no clue why."

"Well, I enjoy when you rest there."

"You do?"

"Yes. It's very comfortable." She smiled and moved her arms around him. He looked to her and felt a desire to kiss her, but would it be appropriate? Maybe he'd give it some time. He put his arm around her shoulders and watched her look over to his hand, which was close to his face. He started to pull it away, but she took his hand in hers and pulled it closer. She closed her eyes and leaned against his arm.

"I'm not scared of your hands…Does that sound cheesy? It's just…"

"No…It doesn't sound cheesy at all." She opened her eyes and gazed into his, smiling lovingly at him. His heart pounded inside of him, thrashing his chest. His eyes fell to her lips. Her lips moved inward and out briefly. She quickly turned her head away and closed her eyes. He exhaled and gently rubbed her arm.

The scent of freshly cooked Italian food stung their nostrils and they looked up to see Giovanni bringing their plates to the table. They smiled happily and eyed the meal with hungry eyes. Now, it was time to devour the meal and head to the farm.

* * *

><p>Well, quite a bit happened here, at least their date is going along smoothly<p> 


	43. Weight of the World

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 42 (Weight of the World)<p>

Jonah parked his car in front of the farm and leaned back in his chair, the date was over and they had a great amount of fun with the horses. Now Freddie said he was coming over to hear details on how the date went while Sam and Carly were about to ambush Valerie. Inside the farm, he would likely find his entire family, along with Freddie and Marissa. He exited his vehicle and rubbed the back of his neck. He managed to enjoy the date to its fullest despite the strange appearance by that old man, but now the experience was weighing heavily on him. What would happen when he told his father about it?

He leaned back against his car and closed his eyes as a memory entered his mind. A young boy gasping for air, being strangled, his baby sister crying and mother trying to pull the father off him. He shook the memory and grumbled. "What the hell am I supposed to say…" With a heavy sigh, he started heading back to the house. Once he entered, he was immediately met by Freddie, who practically jumped out of nowhere. He jumped back and smirked at his friend. "Careful, do that and you might find yourself in a headlock." Freddie laughed and pat his shoulder.

"Yeah yeah, we want details. How was your date with Valerie!"

"Well…" He smiled as the others started to walk into the room, each of them eager to hear how things went. "Since you're all so interested, I think I should let you know that we hit it off and we're making a second date out of church tomorrow." Freddie applauded him and Olivia practically jumped for joy. She cleared her throat and sat on the couch, then opened the book she'd been reading earlier. Michael smiled proudly and placed his hand firmly on Jonah's shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, son. I want you to know that, I think you're growing to be a great man." He drew his eyes away from his father and stepped back. It wasn't anything his father did, he just didn't want the man touching him right now. "You two seem to make a good pair."

"We'll see where things go, I really want it to work out. We've both had our fair share of disappointments, she deserves something to go right for her. Her family was _very_ concerned about making sure that fact was known." He paused and raised an eyebrow at Freddie. "By the way, I was told they interviewed everyone?" Freddie chuckled and Olivia glanced up from her book for a moment as Freddie shifted to the side.

"Yeah man, they asked a whole bunch of questions and wanted the complete truth. Vanessa is very convincing. You know, the way they all talked, I think Valerie's the first and only one of the girls to date someone, including Vanessa."

"Hmm, I think Vanessa has a boyfriend, some guy in her martial arts class."

"Why does that sound highly appropriate?" Jonah laughed and Freddie slowly shook his head. It was probably only someone in that class that could actually keep up with Vanessa in the first place. "Valerie's definitely the jewel of that family."

"She's been hurt the most, Freddie. Of course, her family is going to band together to care for her. She is a gem, one of a kind. I am glad that I know her." June moved over to Jonah, wiping her hands with a towel as she'd finished washing her hands.

"You two deserve a real relationship, I think you'll get one with one another." Jonah's lips curled upwards and looked over to his Uncle Roy and Aunt Christie. They were on the couch, Roy had his arm around his wife's shoulders and his right leg propped up on his left. Marissa stood behind the couch, gripping it softly. Something sparkled off her hand and caught his attention. He raised an eyebrow and took a closer look at what appeared to be a diamond ring! His jaw dropped and his heart started up. If it was what he thought it was, then it was a joyous occasion. No wonder the entire family was here! "Anyway Jonah, Uncle Michael's got an announcement to make. Grandpa's asleep, so he's not here, but he was here earlier." Freddie put his elbow on Jonah's shoulder and twisted his left leg around his right. Michael grinned happily and hurried over to Marissa, taking her hand in his.

"Let's tell him." Marissa's cheeks grew red as she walked with Michael to the center of the room. Jonah was at peace and very eager to hear the good news. Marissa rested her head on Michael's shoulder and exhaled. "Jonah, earlier while you were on you date, Marissa and I had a date of our own. I proposed to her and she agreed. We're going to marry, I hope that's good news for you."

"Of course it is, Dad!" He grinned happily and moved over to the two, giving them a family hug. "You deserve happiness too." Michael nearly teared up at the gesture. Jonah guessed he thought it would be difficult to bring the news up to him, but it was almost expected. He smirked and took a step back. He leaned his right elbow on Freddie's shoulder and pointed his left hand towards him. "Besides, I'm getting a brother out of this deal. So as long as Olivia and I are getting something out of this, I'm happy." Freddie raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a minute.

"Since when did I become a bargaining chip?"

"Since just now." Freddie's lips parted, but only air came out. The others laughed and Jonah grinned deviously. After a second, he looked to his father, his lips fell for a brief moment, but rose again. "I'm glad you're finally going to be happy again, Dad." He couldn't tell him, not after this. What was he going to be, his father's protector? To protect the man who hurt him as a child? He was still his dad and he'd put that past behind him, hadn't he? Freddie took a prolonged look at him and gently put his hand to his shoulder. Jonah leapt out of his skin and looked over to his friend. "Yo?"

"Hey let's talk, brother to brother."

"Why?"

"Trust me man, we should talk." He raised his eyebrow as Freddie turned to the two parents and hugged them. "I'm thrilled for you guys, you deserve it. I just need a minute with Jonah." Freddie grabbed his shirt and he let out a loud yelp as a jerking sensation pulled him out the front door.

"Why man?" Jonah moved over to the dark table and chairs on the porch and sat on the further one. He watched as Freddie moved over and sat in the remaining chair.

"Sorry about that. I was just wondering how you were feeling. You've been acting a little strange, so I'm thinking the date with Valerie wasn't the only eventful thing?" He glanced off to the side and shrugged his shoulders, he wasn't certain enough whether he should even bother mentioning it. The old man didn't even know where he lived, that was the whole reason the guy was asking him. "Jonah? You know I'm here for you man. Are you dealing with old memories or something?" He frowned and his eyes fell to his feet.

"In a way…" He looked to Freddie and saw a genuinely concerned look on his face. "I know Dad isn't like that anymore, but…I don't want him to relapse."

"Why would he relapse?"

"If I told him what happened."

"And what happened? It sounded like you and Valerie had a great time."

"We did. That's why we're going on a second date. She wanted me to go to church with her and said it would be a second."

"Good, I'm happy to hear that. Now, what else happened?" Jonah recalled the elephant's head and frowned as the memory of that old man came to his mind. He remembered the man mentioned Rodney contacted him. His blood ran cold and he slowly glanced off into the distance. "Jonah?"

"Rodney…"

"Shit, that bastard?"

"He wasn't there." Freddie paused as Jonah returned his pale expression to his friend. "You know how my dad was the only one that escaped that child labor camp? The only person _ever_ to escape."

"Yeah…"

"Rodney contacted the slave owner." The jarring words hit Freddie and battered the two friends. It was almost unbelievable, and to top it off, the man was still alive? "When Valerie went to the restroom, that guy shows up…says he wants to make me work on his plantation or whatever and…I think he may want to kill my dad."

"You think we should tell him?"

"No…I'm afraid he might relapse into those flashbacks…I don't want to be subjected to that shit again and I don't want to subject Olivia to it either." He knew the chances of Michael relapsing like that were slim, especially since he was getting help and was surrounded by family, but he was still terrified. "I'll deal with it on my own, just don't worry about it."

"Jonah, this is serious. If this guy's around, if Rodney contacted him…Then we need to tell someone. You want to protect your family, but it might be better to tell someone…"

"Yeah, I'll figure something out bro, but until then…" He rose to his feet and folded his arms over, breathing out tiredly. He felt weaker than ever before, this guy showing up wasn't doing him _any_ good. "I'll figure something out. I don't want to worry anyone, I just want to relax tonight, tomorrow, and think about this another time."

"Well if this guy becomes a problem…"

"Then I'll deal with it at that time. For now…let's just enjoy the night. Dad and Marissa are engaged, it's time for celebration." His vague smiled didn't fool Freddie all that much. He wasn't concerned, however. "I'm going back inside…I am not ready to start thinking about that stuff."

"Fine. I'll be right in." Freddie turned and sighed as Jonah headed back He glanced up at the sky and frowned. There was way too much going on these days, too many people hurting. "What was that thing Jonah said before…A masquerade? God, everyone else is hurting but him, is that the façade he's trying to pull? Maybe we should stop making him bear the weight of the world on his shoulders…"

* * *

><p>Freddie's got something. He is a bit of a wild card, isn't he? I wonder what he has in mind. Upside, Marissa and Michael are engaged, date went well, Jonah's struggling, and Freddie's scheming.<p> 


	44. A Wanted Man

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 43 (A Wanted Man)<p>

Monday morning, school was out of session for the day, so Freddie decided to use it to his advantage. He drove his car down to the local police station and glanced in his rearview mirror, he knew Rodney had still been following him lately, but he wasn't afraid. He was pretty confident in his ability to handle Rodney, even if it was bad for him. Lately, he'd been getting more and more pissed with the asshole. Sam and her family had constantly stated they'd been receiving threats from him, he'd been spotting the guy everywhere, and now this recent thing with Jonah was just infuriating. Did he have a right to be angry? He thought he did.

Not only had he been dealing with that, the Shadow Hammer had been around everywhere, but _still_ no one was catching him! Of course, the asshole was leaving around a wounded or dead everywhere he went. It wasn't the police to blame, they were very good at their job, but the Shadow Hammer was simply eluding them at every turn, making a mockery out of the entire police force in Seattle. Even his father's best friend, Mark, who was now an Assistant Chief in the force, was getting frustrated. When he and Mr. Benson were on the force, nothing slipped them up, they always got their perpetrator, no matter what. Even after John was shot, Mark _still_ never let a criminal get away. Of course, he spent all these years hunting the only criminal that eluded him since John's death, the Shadow Hammer.

Freddie had been helping him out on almost a regular basis, so the police force knew him well. They were waiting for him to turn eighteen so they could recruit him. Of course, he would still have to attend college, but they wanted him on the force. Freddie _had_ helped catch some criminals before, small time ones, the force never wanted him dealing with major cases. There was too much risk of his getting hurt. Besides, his mother didn't even know what he was doing. Jonah knew a little, just not much.

He stepped out of his car and made his way into the station. As he walked on, he had a sinking feeling about what he was going to do, but he needed to do this. He managed to go to the restaurant and locate the elephant head, which had been kicked underneath a chair. It rested neatly in his pocket. It had a hollow opening, but there was a chip within the head that made him really want to investigate it.

The officers around didn't react to seeing him as they'd seen him plenty of times, any friend of Mark's was a friend of theirs. He smirked a bit when one officer poked his head in the office and alerted Mark that he was on his way. He pulled the elephant head from his pocket with his gloved hand and moved into the office. Mark looked up from his desk and leaned back as Freddie set the head in front of him. The man's eyes drifted to it and he slowly exhaled. "Such a nice greeting, Freddie. Are you giving me an early birthday present?"

"No."

"Damn." Mark smirked and pulled a pair of gloves from his desk drawer. After putting them on, he grabbed the head and looked at it. "So what the hell is this thing? Gold head, ruby eyes…"

"Look inside."

"Okay." He turned the head around to the bottom and his eyebrows rose. "What is this? A chip?" Mark reached in and pulled a small green chip from the top of the head. He lifted into the air and stared at it. "Looks like a recording device."

"You think that thing is a camera?"

"Maybe...Let me see." Freddie sat in the chair across from Mark and watched as the man examined it a bit more. "There's some wires in here." Suddenly the elephant's eyes sealed off with gold eyelids, shocking both the men. "The hell?" He set the object on the table and looked to the chip. "This looks like something that belongs in a camera. There's also a button on the back of this head. If I had my thoughts, I'd say it was a camera. What is this thing, Freddie?"

"Someone attacked my best friend and brother last night on his date. That belonged to the cane the man used." Mark rubbed his chin and eyed the head. It was easily recognizable as the symbol of India. "Jonah's father was involved in child labor when he was young. The only man to escape his camp. Apparently Rodney found a way to contact the owner of the camp and told him where to find Jonah, and hopefully Michael too." Mark stared at the head and rolled his eyes, groaning with mild disgust.

"Sounds like something out of a movie. You're telling me this guy from India came over here because Rodney asked him to?"

"Evidently…Jonah's more concerned than he's willing to ask about. Maybe we should have a look at that chip."

"I agree." Mark turned to the laptop on his desk and pushed the chip into his computer. Freddie walked around the desk and positioned himself behind Mark. He rubbed his chin as a video opened onto the screen. This guy had been recording before Valerie ever went to the restroom, he was clearly waiting for her to get up. When she did, that's when he walked over. "What a nice little creepy, fucked up device this thing is."

"I'll say, nice to know Valerie and Jonah really were having fun on their date…"

"Yeah." They continued watching as the man put his fingers on the head and pulled it off. Freddie was surprised when it landed so neatly on the ground, facing Jonah and the old man. He was equally stunned when he saw the spike on the cane. "Holy shit, this guy's got a damn spear."

"I noticed." He narrowed his eyes as the man pointed his spear at Jonah's neck. They could hear what was being said, which intrigued them. Mark grabbed the head and examined it once more. "Anything there?"

"Speaker holes in the elephant's ears."

"Go figure."

"So we have evidence that Rodney sent this guy over _and_ evidence of someone after Jonah and his family. Question is, who is this guy? We can't very well dust for fingerprints since he's not even of this country."

"No, but there's bound to be something. If Rodney located him, we should be able to as well." Mark hummed and started looking over the elephant once more. Freddie continued to watch the video, narrowing his eyes at the elder. He felt the anger trying to surface, so he tried to push it down without letting it surface. He was learning a lot from that support group and the psychologist, but he still hated the people that walked the streets, participating in criminal activities. He heard Mark exclaim and looked over to see what was going on. "Find something over there?"

"Yeah, look on the back of the right ear." He leaned over and his eyebrows rose, just in the crevice between the ear and the head were two initials: _K.M._ "Let's run that through the database."

"Why?"

"Public database should lead us to people in India with the initials." Freddie lifted his head as Mark moved over and began typing on the laptop. He watched wonder as Mark pulled up _Google_ and typed in the initials and India. Of this search came a picture of a large brown mansion with the initials of _KM_ above a wide front porch covered with a roof and pillars. "Okay this image links us to what site…"

"How sure are you that-"

"Aha!" Freddie was speechless. The page that came up was a translated view of a Child Labor trading site. At the very top was a picture of the man who attacked Jonah. "Kumar Maneesh, selling off his slaves, ranging from children to adult." Freddie grimaced as they proceeded to explore the site. The deeper they went, the more sickening it was.

There were children as young as five, skinny enough that their ribs protruded and their abdomen sank in. Some children already had gashes, wounds, burn marks and so forth. There were teenagers, weak as hell, staring at the camera with dead eyes. It was almost worse with the adult slaves. "Jesus, this guy is sick. I'm surprised it's not a secret site."

"It is, but here we have a program to override any kind of blockage. This site might not turn up if you were to look it up in a Library."

"Go figure." His stomach churned, so much so that he had to turn away. He couldn't believe_ Rodney_ would contact this person! There was likely nothing they could do to close the operation as it was in another country, but surely they could have Kumar arrested and extradited. "Maybe you can search Kumar's name in India's database, see if it comes up with anything."

"Good idea…" With swift hands, Mark clicked over to India's police force and started searching around. After a while, he came up with an officer who was on live chat. He sent a greeting to the man and the officer responded within seconds. "Someone online over in India, this could be good news. Let's see if he knows who Kumar is." Mark typed in his question and the officer responded to inform him to hold on while he looked through his own database. "We might be in luck. I told him what happened and he's searching, says the name is familiar."

"Good, see what he says."

It wasn't long before the officer responded. Freddie's eyebrows rose and Mark smirked triumphantly. "Check this out. 'Kumar Maneesh is a wanted fugitive in hiding for multiple illicit activities performed within the last forty years.' I'm going to send him the recording that we have of him."

"All right." Mark went on to explain to the officer the circumstances that have taken place and informed him of the video, to which the officer promptly requested a copy for their investigation.

"Here we go." Mark sent the video and waited for a response. After several minutes the officer replied. "He says he's heard of the escaped slave and he wants to do everything he can to help. They want Kumar under arrest immediately." There were a lot of people within India's law enforcement that Kumar had pissed off, so he was definitely in trouble. "Well have to work on extradition, but should we locate this man, he'll be shipped to India immediately."

"Sounds like a plan. I don't want him bothering Jonah any."

"You know you're a good friend." Freddie's lips grew firm and he lifted his eyes to the window behind the desk.

"No I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"Jonah's the good one here." Freddie crossed his arms and exhaled softly. "I'm the one that Valerie's parents would want to kill. I'm the angry, aggressive one. Jonah's done everything he could to help me, to help everyone, he cares about people. He's like Atlas, he stops thinking about himself and thinks of others. That's why he's the good one. Getting this old-timer off the streets, that's what I'm going to do to pay him back for it all."

"Does his father know about this man?"

"No. He refuses to tell Michael. He won't say it, really, but he's terrified of how his dad will react. Fortunately the man doesn't work anywhere in particular, but when Rodney ransacked their old house, he took just about every bit of personal information…"

"We're still working on trying to find him."

"I know. Strangely enough, Rodney seems to stalk Jonah more than Valerie…"

"There might be a reason for that, especially if those two are close, he might likely want to get Jonah out of the picture. The Williams family can handle themselves though, they don't want police protection."

"With a woman like Vanessa, I can see how they could easily protect themselves." Freddie tapped his chin briefly and narrowed his eyes. "I want to know if you can, in a way, beef up security at the Walgreens Jonah works at, that way if this Kumar guy shows up, we can nab him."

"Good idea. We'll look into it, I'm going to put the law enforcement on high alert now that we have this guy over here. Thank you for bringing this up."

"No problem. Thanks Mark. I'm going to head out now, I have to talk to my girlfriend about something…" He lifted his eyes and groaned inwardly, he honestly didn't know how to bring up his anger issues or his past with Sam. What would she think of him? What would she do? "Call me if anything happens."

"Will do."

"Before you go, your friend Carly, she's up to something."

"I'll look into it. Don't know what it could be, though."

"All right man. I need to continue talking with this officer."

"Bye." Freddie turned and started heading out. A heaviness had descended upon his heart, he could do nothing but grin and bear it.

* * *

><p>Freddie knows how to get stuff done, so it's not just Carly working to help everyone out. Next chapter, Freddie attempts to talk to Sam about everything. Will he make it, or will Rodney find her first and contaminate their relationship for good? Stick around!<p> 


	45. He's a Liar!

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 45 (He's a Liar!)<p>

Sam tapped her foot on the ground outside the public restroom of the park, she wanted to know what was taking Freddie so long and why he wanted to meet up at the park. He didn't say anything other than he wanted to meet here. She leaned up against the building wall and crossed her arms. She moved her eyes to a tree and growled. There, next to the tree, was Rodney glaring at her. He had a blue jacket and his hands were neatly stuffed into his pockets. She wasn't like Carly or the others, she wasn't going to take shit from him, nor was she going to let him cause her any fear. "What do you want, Rodney?"

Upon acknowledgement, Rodney started moving towards her. He had a scowl on his face and his eyes were filled with bitter hate. "I just wanted to talk to you, that's all." She couldn't help but to feel a little bit of fear, only because she knew what this guy was capable of. As he moved in closer, she became revolted at his sight. His eyes were red and bloodshot and hanging from his jacket's chest pocket was a bottle of PCP. Her flight senses started to kick in, but she resisted. "I want to know if you know of any way to get Valerie back."

"Let me think…" She tapped her chin two times and sharpened her glare. "There's no chance in hell of that ever happening now." Rodney growled for a moment and stepped forward with a menacing gait. "She's a lot happier now than she _ever_ was with you." Her intuition was telling her to run, turn away and get the hell way from Rodney while she still could. She closed her shaking hands and tilted her head to the right. "So I had to walk to the park, apparently someone slashed my tires. Trying to scare me?" Rodney chuckled and slipped behind her, brushing his hand on her arm. She yelped and spun around, stepping back and glaring at him. "Don't touch me, asshole. You can't scare me."

"Then why is it you're trembling?" He folded his arms over and smacked his lips. She groaned in disgust and looked off to the side. "I want to say something."

"And if I'm not interested?"

"I think you will be plenty interested to hear this." She rolled her eyes and turned away, but he grabbed her wrist and held on to her. Her head whipped around and her glare sailed to his hand, but he spoke before she could say a thing. "It involves that boyfriend of yours. Do you really think you're safe with a former drug addict?"

"What?" Her body froze for an instant and her eyes flew up to Rodney's. Could he be telling the truth? No, not about Freddie. "Fuck off!" Her hand moved from his and she started to take off. "You know nothing about him."

"His father died in his arms when he was just eight, am I right?" Her right foot stopped and hovered slowly above the ground. Her eyes widened and confusion began to sink in. She knew Rodney would know about Freddie's father being killed, but _nobody_ knew the man died in his arms. She felt the man's cold smirk and deadly eyes burning her skin. She started to stammer and continued staring directly ahead. "Believe me."

"Freddie…he never did drugs…"

"Oh yes he did. He and I were buddies for a time after you and Jonah dated. Did you know that he tried to kill Jonah?"

"What?" She whipped around and glared angrily into his eyes. Her fists clenched up as disbelief clouded her mind. "Some nerve you have trying to convince me that Freddie would actually do that." Rodney scoffed and looked off to the side. His eyes narrowed and shifted to the corners of his sockets.

"Well after Jonah did what he did, Freddie began taking drugs. He was under the influence when he tried to bust up Jonah's car, then take a swing at his own friend." He moved closer to Sam, who remained stiff and suspicious. "You know Freddie's always been quick to anger, or maybe you don't…I wonder if you remember selling those Penny T-shirts so long ago, tormenting Freddie in your usual way, did Carly ever tell you? Freddie had a little moment with a knife he was holding…" Her heart clenched as she recalled the memory he was talking about. Her back had been turned to Carly and Freddie, all she heard was him telling himself not to think or do anything bad. Her throat began to tighten and her eyes threatened her with tears.

"H-How the _fuck_ would you know that?"

"How long do you think I've been a stalker for? I've kept a close watch on Freddie for a few years now…you as well." She gasped. Her blood ran cold and her stomach lurched. "Oh, now you're starting to fear. Jonah's not the aggressive one, but the one you want to look out for is a lot closer than you think. He's letting that anger of his consume him, at least he was the last time I saw him."

"Y-You creep…How dare you!"

"I'm just letting you know! He's threatened to locate my family. You don't want to know how bad they are."

"I have an idea…" Bile was officially in her throat. She was winded by his words. Could Freddie _really_ be that bad? No, he just _couldn't_ be! She loved him, she knew him. Her hand rested above her breast and pain seared her aching body. She didn't want to believe Rodney, she really didn't, but she knew of Freddie's anger issues. She'd _seen_ his anger before, and it wasn't a good anger. "You're not going to win Rodney, you're not…not going to make me hate him…"

"Oh why would I want to do that? I'm just warning you. I mean, if Valerie means so much to you, maybe you'd want to make sure you don't wind up in the same situation as her? I mean, god forbid _you_ wind up with an 'abusive' boyfriend."

"Back off, Freddie isn't abusive!"

"Yet. Just tick him off and see what happens." Her body began to heat up as she imagined Freddie becoming abusive. Tears stung her cheeks as she slowly shook her head. Why had he never told her about his drug use? Why had he never told her about his past? He was always so mysterious, always so silent. "Jesus Sam, one thing _I_ never was, was a liar. Look at all _he_ hid from you." Her heart threatened to tear in two as his words poisoned her ears.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"You remember those cuttlefish tickets that I gave you for the shirt? I thought you were so cute back then, so I gave you the tickets. I'd hate to see your beautiful face covered in the bruises of an anger-consumed, liar of a man. Isn't it just your luck, though? Always being hurt by a _man_? You trust them, and then what do they do…" He lifted her hand to her face and her eyes grew to the size of saucers. His voice lowered and a sick grin grew to his face. "They damage you."

"No! I'm not going to listen to you!" Thinking fast, she shoved him away and took off running. Tears mixed with her hair as the wind threw it into several directions. She saw Freddie walking towards her, a worried look on his face. "Go away, Freddie!"

"Sam?" She ran into his arms and he placed his hands onto the sides of her arms. He could feel her heart racing and was steadily becoming more and more concerned. "What's going on?"

"Fuck you! You're a liar, just like all the other men!"

"What? Sam?"

"Don't touch me! Let go!" She pushed him to the ground in a blind rage and continued to charge down the path. Freddie turned his gaze to where she came running from and anger pulsed through his veins. There was Rodney, giving him the proudest smirk. He didn't need to ask, he knew what happened. The bastard got to her before he did.

"Shit! Sam!" He scrambled to his feet and dashed off after her, thinking only of his girlfriend. He had to stop her, he couldn't let them split up because of Rodney. He may have to deal with that asshole later, but right now, his girlfriend had top priority. That was, if _she_ still considered herself his girlfriend.

* * *

><p>Aw hell, let's see if Freddie can talk his way out of this. Rodney got to her first and messed with her, what a prick!<p> 


	46. Keeper of her Heart

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 45 (Keeper of Her Heart)<p>

Freddie slowly trudged through the park, searching for Sam. She was good at hiding, this was something he needed to keep in mind if he ever pissed her off. Then again, this was probably one of those moments. Liar? He was no liar. His stomach flipped inside him. He sucked the air through his teeth and glanced behind himself. He hated Rodney with a burning passion. If he ever got the chance to kick that fucker's ass, he would. Then again, that was probably the very reason Sam was upset. He'd never seen her this upset before, nothing fazed her. It took everything in him not to turn around and go after Rodney. He was so close to losing everything, he just couldn't lose Sam.

After nearly ten minutes of searching, he was getting too worried as it was. A relationship was all about communication, wasn't it? He was beginning to wonder if she'd left the park entirely. Though, there was one place he hadn't checked. When she was younger, she'd always go to a secret location in the park just to think. He'd been there himself and learned how to skip pebbles across the water. She'd taught him the trick, among other things. If she wasn't there, then she wasn't going to answer his calls and he wouldn't know where she was.

When he arrived at the location, he found Sam sitting at the edge of the grass and the pond. She was staring at the other side of the lake. Her arms were positioned behind her on the ground, holding her up. He inhaled deeply and eyed her with relief. "Sam? We need to talk." With a sudden haste, she scrambled to her feet and glared at him. He held his hands midair and met her mournful eyes. "Look, I don't know what Rodney told you, but you have to know, it's nothing like that…"

"Shut up. If you don't know what Rodney said, then how would you know it isn't true. You're a liar Freddie, that's what he told me. You did drugs and never told either me or Carly, you tried to kill your best friend, even!" He was winded by the harsh tone in her voice. Yes he'd done those things, but it was so long ago.

"Sam, you have to understand-"

"Is it true Freddie? Did you do those things? You even hung out with him!"

"Sam-" He lifted her hand to her arm and she shoved his chest.

"Don't touch me!" His eyes widened as he met her rage filled and injured eyes. "You're just like all the other men out there, aren't you? Maybe not now, but you will be…" Her trust in men had always been much lower than average, he knew this. If Rodney played on that, then he was in trouble. "I don't think we've even talked about your 'crush' on Carly so long ago either. So tell me, are you done with that or will you go after her too?" He listened to her ramble on about the same point over and over again, slowly becoming more frustrated than he would have liked to be. "Oh, and another thing. You know how Rodney's spying on everyone? Apparently he's done so for years! Have you ever wanted to kill me, Freddie? Have you ever wanted to hurt me before?" His eyebrow arched up. He felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. The key was to be honest with her, but he knew that honesty would just about kill her. "You've been lying to both Carly and myself all these years, haven't you? Even about Jonah, granted you only hid that fact from Carly, but if I hadn't dated him, would I even know you were his friend?"

"Sam…"

"No! You don't get to talk! From what that bastard out there says, all you _do_ is talk!" She lifted her hands to strike his chest, but he caught her wrists. He held them with a gentle, but firm grip and looked into her eyes. They were wide, fearful, and anguished. "Let go of me Freddie, I swear to god…" He took a slow breath and held his stern gaze, trying to think of something to say. He had to swallow that sickening sensation that he had burning up his insides. Ignore it. "Freddie…"

"You've had your say, now I'm going to have mine, please. Let me talk." She frowned at him, a sight he never wanted to see. He lifted his hand to wipe away a tear, but she turned her face away from him. "Sam, I was going to tell you everything. Rodney must have found you first. You have to believe me, I would _never _hurt you and I'm with_ you_, not Carly, anyway. You know me well enough to know that I've _been_ over my silly crush on her for years. You're all I see when I wake up and you're all I see when I go to sleep. Yes, you know I have anger problems and I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I've been getting help for those problems."

"Really?"

"Yes. I've been seeing a psychologist _and_ a support group for a few weeks…"

"Well, that's good…" She pressed her lips together and let her eyes fall towards his feet. Feeling she wouldn't run off on him or lash out against him, he released her wrists and let his arms hang at his side. "I just-"

"I don't know what Rodney told you, and to be honest I'm not sure if I should be concerned that you'd believe him first…over me…" She gasped and lifted her head up, eyes full of shame. "The truth, Sam? Do you want the truth? Or at least, _my_ side of the story."

"Please…"

"After Jonah's mistake with you, I was pissed and confused, didn't know why my best friend would do what he did. He was going through shit I wasn't one hundred percent aware of." She slowly nodded her head and kept her eyes locked with his. He felt an irritation at his memories sinking in and quickly shoved them aside. "I've been an angry person ever since my father's murder."

"I know."

"My history with Rodney is only him trying to manipulate me. He had a thing for you, so when Jonah did what he did, he tried to get _me_ to hurt Jonah by using my anger and controlling me." Sam's hand rose to her mouth and her eyes grew large. "So I'm hanging with Rodney, he gets me hooked on drugs and alcohol, god forbid, then when I'm at a high, he convinces me to try and bust up Jonah's car. Jonah caught me and put an end to that, we talked and reaffirmed our friendship at that point. That was something between only us two, no one else was ever to know about it, simply because obviously, I was ashamed at the fact."

"Oh my god Freddie, I…" Guilt shot past her eyes as she bowed her head. "I didn't know it was like that. Rodney _made_ you do that?"

"No. The drugs made me do it, he just convinced me to…Do I still have anger issues? Yes. Am I working on those issues? Yes. You remember when Valerie and her mom were at that store when the Shadow Hammer robbed it?"

"Yeah…"

"Initially I went there with the intention of killing the Shadow Hammer. I would have committed murder to get revenge." She gasped and cupped her mouth with her hands. She knew, just as well as he did, how serious that would have been. "Had I killed the man, I might have gone to jail for a long time. Rodney being there might have stopped me from that, but he became the next target for me."

"You…"

"Didn't kill him, obviously, but I _did_ threaten him. His family is consistent of abusers, drug addicts, alcoholics, you name it, his parents are that way. He ran away from them." He watched her closely, becoming more aware of her reactions. She was naturally timid, naturally afraid, but these emotions were ones she never showed to anyone. Rodney must really have messed with her. "I threatened to tell them where he was if he didn't stop stalking Valerie. However, I guess it doesn't stop him from stalking either Jonah or myself…he hates us more than anything."

"Because of your past?"

"Pretty much. That and we're both dating the women that he's either been involved with or wanted to be."

"I wouldn't date him even if my life depended on it." Freddie laughed and the corners of Sam's lips curled upwards for a split second. "Freddie, I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you and let Rodney get to me…it's just…"

"I know, you have a hard time trusting people, especially men. You have to know that I would never hurt you, I'd never lie to you, I'd never cheat on you. I love you, Sam. More than anything." Her eyes widened and her lips parted, it was the first time either of them said they loved the other person. He took a step closer to her and cupped her cheek with his hand. When she didn't recoil, he was very relieved. "I promise you, I'm working on everything. What's in my past…I'm not that way anymore. Jonah's helped me with that. I hope I can still have your support."

"Freddie…"

"I don't know what else I can promise besides everything. I'm not like the other men out there, I'm _not_ going to hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this sooner, I know I was afraid of you and Carly hating me years before if you guys knew about it…"

"But I'm your girlfriend now, Freddie. You shouldn't hide things like that if they're still a problem, and clearly…They are."

"How so?"

"Two reasons. Rodney and the Hammer. I need to know why Rodney's after you if it's going to affect me." She did have a point, the secrecy probably would have hurt more than anything. After all, it was bad enough as it was, if things had gotten out of hand earlier, then it really would have been devastating.

"I won't keep things from you anymore, Sam. I promise."

"Right…" She took a deep breath and closed her hands up. Freddie's heart sank when she pulled away from him. He couldn't believe she was still hurting, but he couldn't blame her. She closed her eyes and looked away from him. "I'm in no way suggesting we break up, so I don't want you to think that." He froze and his eyes grew large. Her words stabbed him. He became anxious to know what she was going to say.

"Sam?"

"I-I do love you too." She turned back to him and smiled slightly. His heart slowly lifted up as she took another deep breath and gazed into his eyes. "But I need some time to think. I'm going to support you. Always." She took his hands and leaned closer to him, giving his lips a light kiss and pulling back after a second. "I want to be yours as long as we can be together and I will always be with you, but I want you to give me a few days, if you can…I really need to sort out. You understand? My sister, my brother, mom's filed for divorce _and_ abandonment from our 'Dad'. Valerie, Carly, you and Jonah's family all being terrorized by Rodney, then there's the rash of robberies that's started up due to the Hammer…it's just a lot to take in right now. I need to be alone for a few days, with my family."

It wasn't much, it wasn't bad at all, but something that was much needed. Plus, some separation between the two for a couple days would probably help their relationship. "I understand." She smiled at him and brought her hand to his cheek.

"Give me a week at least, then after that, I _promise_ we'll have a fantastic date. I'm trusting you, Freddie…I really am…" His throat caught him as she placed her soft fingers on his wrist and moved his hand to her breast, right above her heart. He could feel it pounding, assaulting his hand with all that it could. "I'm trusting you with my heart. It's yours, please take care of it. Will you? You're the only guy in the world that I could ever trust this much…aside from my own family." A playful smirk shot across her face for a single second, then vanished.

Requiring no time for his answer, he responded immediately. "I will take care of your heart, and of you." He watched a tear leave her eye and smiled as she moved forward and hugged him close. He wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.

* * *

><p>She just needs some time to process, some time away from it all. Not sure this constitutes as a breakup, but it's definitely a "Sabbatical".<p> 


	47. The Kitten

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 47 (The Kitten)<p>

Tuesday after school, Jonah was once more working the evening shift. Walgreens wasn't busy, and he was helping load Travis's groceries into the back of the man's truck. The man had done a lot of shopping, which was a surprise. The man said he was helping his local church with some party they were hosting. He offered Jonah to go, but unfortunately the party was on a day he was volunteering at the crisis center. "It's such a shame that you can't join us, Jonah. Maybe another time?" Travis smiled at Jonah and leaned against the vehicle. "It is hard to have fun when you don't have any family."

"Yeah, definitely." He smiled and moved a couple bags into the back of the truck. Thinking briefly at what the elder said, he frowned and turned his gaze to the man. "You don't have a family?" He knew the man's wife passed, but he thought for sure he had relatives. "No parents still kicking around, no children?" Travis laughed and slowly shook his head.

"No, just my dogs. I'm sixty four years old, my parents are long gone. As for children, I have a daughter that lives off in Hawaii. I don't know if she has any kids or not." He frowned and moved another sack to the bed. How depressing that this man didn't know if his own daughter had any children. "My daughter moved away several years ago and I think life just got in the way. She did mention to her mother about possibly being infertile, so…Chances are she's never had a child."

"That's horrible."

"Not much to do about it, sadly." Travis grabbed a couple bags and began loading them in the back. His lips curled upwards as his jovial eyes locked with Jonah. It was always impressive how he just bounded away from negativity. "Enough about me though, did you talk to that woman that caught your eye?" His heart lifted and he quickly nodded his reply.

"Yeah! We went out to this _beautiful_ Italian restaurant for our first date last Saturday, then we went to church together. You were right, she was interested in me, but we're going to take it slow. I think it would be best. Her last boyfriend was a bit of a douche."

"I see, well then it's good you two have decided to take it slow." A gleam shone in Travis's eyes as he set his hands on Jonah's shoulder. Jonah felt a warm and friendly aura from Travis, one that made him like family. "I am very proud of you. I'm sure your family is too, but I'm proud, you're like the grandchild I've never had." His cheeks turned red for a brief moment and he quickly put another bag of groceries in the truck. He honestly could say the same for Travis, he really did look up to the man.

"Thanks. Really you d-"

"No, no." Travis turned and shook his index finger in the air. "I've even gone into my will recently and reconstructed it to include you." Jonah's jaw fell ajar and he quickly shook his head. He was glad that this man found him like family, even if he was the last family. "I've got no one else. Ever since my wife passed, god rest her soul, you're the only one I've had to talk to."

"T-Thank you, sir. I'm happy to talk to you, but to include me in a will…"

"I wanted to, so I did. Besides, my things aren't going anywhere else. One daughter I haven't seen in five years, there isn't much for an old man like me." Jonah pressed his lips together and Travis leaned his elbow up on the back of his truck. "Say, did I ever tell you the story of how my first pet chose me?" Jonah perked his ears up and grinned, he'd love another story. Curious, he wasn't sure if the man said that sentence wrong. "Sounds odd, doesn't it? But that is what happened!"

"Your first pet chose you?"

"Yep!" Jonah sat on the back end of the truck as Travis stepped forward and moved his hands through the air as though entering the story. "It was the last few days of my time overseas and I was walking over the deserts of 'Nam…"

_Young Travis marched through the blood ridden battlefield, sweaty and exhausted. His blue eyes poured out from his cheekbones and his muscles ached. The memories of his fallen comrades played over and over in his head. He could only pray he made it back to America to the arms of his girl, who was now in the home country._

_ He lifted his parched lips to the sky and groaned as a tear slowly ran down his cheeks. "Kim…" God he missed her already, he needed to get to her. "Ah, how I could use your food and love right about now." As he stumbled over the land, he felt his foot hit a fallen body. He turned his head down and fear pulsed through him, his best friend was lying on the ground, covered in dirt and caked with blood. "Joseph!"_

_ Thinking fast, he dropped down and started pumping his friend's chest, but it was to no avail, his friend was already gone. "No! No!" He curled his hands underneath his friend's body, bitter tears slid down his face. What was he to do? He and Joseph had known each other since they were school age, they did everything together. This couldn't be! It wasn't fair! "No, we were to have a drink and get back home safe, you're not supposed to die! I shouldn't have to be the one to tell Marianne that you're not coming home! Joseph!" He collapsed next to his friend's body, placing his forehead to the man's chest, weeping. "It should have been me. It should have been me…"_

_ He lay there for several minutes, beside his friend's body and staring up into the sky. He wasn't sure how long it had been, if it had been twenty minutes or five hours. He didn't care. He could just let the sun kill heat his body. When he closed his eyes, giving up, something caught his ears. He sat up and looked to a nearby tree. He narrowed his eyes and slowly stood up, putting his hand above his eyes like a visor._

_ There on the tree was a small brown and black kitten, crying. Its small, terrified yowls reached his ears and struck his heart. The poor kitten couldn't get down from the tree, it was all alone in the world. Its hair was matted and dry, the kitten didn't look like it would fare much longer. "You poor thing, how did you get out here?" He reached up and took the kitten gently into his hands. It mewed as he pulled the cat to his chest. Thinking to himself, this animal was dehydrated, he knelt beside the tree's root and found a small crevice within the root. "Here you go…a place for water…" _

_ The cat watched and he poured some water from a canteen into the crevice. He watched as the cat happily lapped up the water. He rubbed the kitten's fur, listening to it purr very happily. "See? You needed some water. Now I should get you something to eat, I suppose._

_ Within hours, he was back at camp with the kitten. By some stroke of luck, his superior had a can of cat food. The cat actually ate it, which was surprising as hell. Travis smiled and pet the kitten again, he needed to get to his bunker and prepare for the next day. He assumed the cat would stay with his superior. When he started walking off, he heard a meow behind him. He turned back and saw the kitten walking behind him. It had stopped in place, its small front paw hovered over the ground and its eyes gazed up at him in question._

_ "Aw, you want to come with me?" He knelt down and held his hands together. The kitten jumped up into his hands and curled up. He smiled heartily and moved into his room. The kitten followed him around all night, never leaving his sight. Even to bed, the kitten curled up on his chest. It was strange, because he wasn't a cat person, but he loved this animal. At least, It was someone to talk to._

_ When the days passed and it was time to go, the kitten could be found nowhere. He'd searched everywhere and had been in a state of panic, but try as he might, he wasn't permitted to wait any longer. He sat in the helicopter, his arms around his knees and a tear in his face, he was going to miss the kitten. Just before the pilot signaled their leave, he heard that familiar mewing noise._

_ His heart lifted up and he looked out to see the kitten running towards the helicopter. It wouldn't make it in time! The kitten was pushing with all its might, trying desperately to reach him. "Hold on!" Travis quickly undid his buckle and jumped out of the helicopter, ignoring the pilot's cry. The determined kitten finally reached him and hopped up into his arms, purring madly as he embraced it. "It's okay. You want to come home with me? I know someone you would love."_

_ "Sergeant! Get in here, it's time to go!"_

_ "I'm sorry, I'm coming!" _

Jonah wiped a tear from his face and smiled softly as he set the final sack into the truck. What a great story it was, he got the meaning at the end, that something so great can't be achieved without working together. Though this was just a regular tale from the man. "Thank you for your story, I enjoyed hearing it."

"I'm glad you did. You should come see the dogs, they would enjoy meeting you…I have a chocolate lab and a beagle."

"Aw, I love dogs."

"Yes. Thank you for listening to my stories." Jonah smiled knowingly and took a deep breath as the man started moving towards the doors of his cars. "That little kitten stayed with me for twelve whole years, an impressive age for any cat."

"I'll say! I'm glad the kitten got a home. I think I'll swing by and play with the dogs after my shift is over."

"Would you? You wouldn't mind if I made dinner, would you?" He smiled at the man and folded his arms over.

"Only if it's something you want to do, I have no problem with staying for dinner."

"Thank you, I think I can get away with a couple steak?"

"Yes sir, I love steak. I'll see you later."

"Right."

He watched with a pleasant feeling inside him as Travis started off. At least he'd be able to make a lonely old man feel like everything was right in the world. In a sense, that was appropriate, Travis deserved it. He moved his eyes down the road and hummed to himself as he saw someone walking out of a gun shop with a recently purchased handgun. A woman, possibly wanting it for protection, or maybe her husband pissed her off. He chuckled and headed back inside.

* * *

><p>I double posted cause I felt like it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's definitely a meaningful experience, Travis is definitely one of the kinder customers someone can have at Walgreens, not hard to see why he's Jonah's favorite customer, he's like a grandfather.<p> 


	48. The Hammer Crashes Down

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 47 (The Hammer Crashes Down)<p>

Freddie smirked as he drove to the police station. He'd heard from Mark, they captured the man who attacked Jonah on his date with Valerie. He made his way into the station and met up with Mark, who was standing with a group of officers leading Kumar to a holding cell. Kumar lifted his head and growled. "You think I give a damn? You're arresting me for _what _exactly?" Mark smirked as Freddie moved up next to them. He turned his attention to Kumar and crossed his arms over.

"We have everything on that little elephant recording of yours." Kumar lifted his head and paled considerably. Freddie laughed. He tapped his fingers on his arm in silence. "Where you're about to go, you'll be stuck for a long time. We're sending you back to the police in India." Kumar's eyes widened briskly and he slowly turned his head away, muttering curses. "Next time you listen to a messed up person telling you to come overseas to locate someone, don't do it. The law will _always_ find you and we'll _always _prevail." Mark grinned and stopped walking as the men led Kumar away. Freddie glanced over and smiled at his friend. "Great job grabbing him. Where did you guys find him, actually?"

"We found him lurking around some place downtown. At least he's not as conspicuous as Rodney or the Hammer." True, he had to agree with Mark where those two were concerned. How they eluded the police, nobody knew. He had a feeling it wouldn't be long, though, before they were caught. Although, something serious was bound to happen, he could just feel it. "By the way Freddie, we got a message from Miss Shay, she informed the police that she'd be shooting iCarly at the meat shop on Eighth and Central. Told us to watch iCarly and drive over there…Any ideas?"

"Huh?" He raised an eyebrow and stared at Mark with growing suspicion. Carly said iCarly was being postponed today. Usually right after school on Thursdays, she wanted to wait till much later. "First I heard about it."

"Strange. I still say she's up to something." He rubbed his chin and followed Mark into the office. Freddie walked over to the left wall and stared up at the photos of Mark and his family while the man started up his computer. "What is the shop over there? Taylor's Meats?"

"Yeah, I think so. Nice big place, never been there, but their claim to fame is having the 'best meat in all of Seattle'. How many places can you name that say they've got the best products?" Mark laughed his reply while Freddie continued to think. Taylor's Meat, he'd heard the name somewhere before. May 17th, 4:45, Taylor's Meats. He narrowed his eyes and ran his finger along his upper lip. His mind flashed back to the child sitting in a pool of his father's blood, he let out a pained shout and rubbed his forehead as the Hammer popped up in his head. Then he remembered, from stalking the Hammer all this time, he remembered seeing somewhere the man planned on hitting Taylor's Meats on the 17th of May. "Shit!"

"What?"

"I think I know what Carly's up to." He rushed over to the computer, a growing feeling of nausea spiked in his stomach when he saw Carly on the screen. She was sitting in the very back of the room and was waving at the camera. On her head was a black cap with a small glass-like dot in the middle.

"Here I am at Taylor's Meats. I currently have two cameras, one in the hat on my head, which you can view by clicking the button below the video, and one being held by Gibby. I commandeered him at the last minute, as I knew both Sam and Freddie wouldn't approve of what I'm about to do. However this one is for Freddie." Freddie's throat clenched up and his palms began to sweat. Mark raised an eyebrow and turned his eyes to the teen. "I'll be changing cameras soon because Gibby has no idea what is about to happen."

"Shit…Mark, we need to get to that meat shop. _Now!_ Grab all the units! Hurry! And keep that laptop running!" Like lightning, he bolted out the door. Mark unplugged the laptop and followed him, grabbing his radio and barking out orders to the entire squad. When they managed to get into the police car, Mark asked what was going on. "It's the Hammer. I was stalking him before, I think Carly must have been doing it recently…I read on one of his documents somewhere, he's planning on holding up the shop. I forgot all about it until now." With that, Mark flipped on the siren and sped off, knowing well the gravity of the situation. Freddie stared down at the laptop and frowned. "Damn it Carly, what are you doing…"

"Yeah I'm wondering the same thing."

"She's been helping all her friends lately, what does she think hanging around this store right now is going to do for me? It's dangerous." He glanced at the rearview mirror and arched his eyebrow, there were many units following them, and they only had another five miles to go. He huffed surprise and glanced back to Carly as she went on.

"Now I've sent a request to the police officers, and warned the workers of the shop…" She looked to the table and glanced over to the set of doors. Thinking fast, she ducked beneath the table. "Down Gibby!" The camera shifted to under the table and to the doors. There at the doors was the violent and vicious, bloodthirsty Hammer, making his ways through. Gibby made a terrified shudder and Carly quickly flipped her hat cam off. "All the cameras in the place are probably cut, like the Hammer's trademark thing…there's only a few workers here right now, they know the police should be on their way by now. Also Freddie, I know you're with them…"

"How the hell did she figure that out?"

"I've been doing my best to try and figure out how to help you with your struggles. I've done something good for everyone else, I just had to find a way to make iCarly help you. It's difficult, I had to watch this guy and find out a way to plan for this day…The fact that you're with the police force is actually a lot of help…" Freddie cursed and looked over to Mark.

"Can we go faster?"

"Yeah we can." Mark slammed down the gas and shot down the street. The cars behind him picked up speed and turned off their sirens with him. They didn't want the Hammer knowing they were coming. He clicked his radio and spoke to the other units. "When we get there, block _all_ exits! Front, back, sides, even the damned corners, don't leave _any_ possibility of his escape! We _will_ take out the Shadow Hammer, once and for all!"

Carly rose to her feet as the Hammer threatened the cashier with a hammer and a gun. She knew this man was dangerous, but she had to stall him somehow. Gibby protested and asked her to sit down, but she dismissed him with her hand. "Hey! Hammer!" The Hammer stopped and turned his attention to Carly, narrowing his eyes angrily. "Yeah I'm talking to you."

"What do you want? Get back on the floor unless you want to die." Idle threat. Show no fear.

"No!"

"No?" His eyebrows lifted in astonisment and humor. He chuckled and took a slight step forward, twisting his hammer in his hand. "You know why they call me the hammer?" Carly stood firm and despite her shaking form and his imposing figure, continued to stare him down. He looked at his hammer, then slowly up at her. "Because I enjoy _smashing_ things!" He swung the hammer down onto Gibby's camera, causing the boy to scream and run out of the way. Carly remained standing, holding back the yelp that she wanted so desperately to release. He chuckled sinisterly and took another step towards her. "You're brave, but many brave people have stood up to me and failed. Speaking of which…you remind me of someone."

"Oh?"

"Yes, of the guy who keeps following me around, I've seen him far too much. You're a friend of his, aren't you?" Carly narrowed her eyes as the man lifted the end of his hammer up and touched the flat end to her chin. "Yes. Carly Shay, I presume. That poor eight year old's female friend…I think he's been stalking me."

"Well you're wrong about one thing."

"What's that?"

"He and I are good friends, but not best friends. If you want that, you'd have to see his girlfriend and his best male friend that he hangs with all the time." The hammer lifted his brows and rolled his eyes, speaking back with nonchalance. He was putting on an act, she could tell. She'd investigated more into him than even Freddie had, because even Freddie didn't know the one thing that she did.

"I could really care less. As far as I'm concerned, he's just a pest. You all are pests who enjoy getting in the way of things. How many places have I robbed? Many, more than I can count. Do I care? Not really, I need the money for certain things."

"Yeah, yeah, this is only your sixteenth from what I've investigated." He raised an eyebrow and growled with impatience as she tilted her head to the right. "I have a question for you…A while back you robbed a place and were seen with Rodney Shapiro. Are you working with him?" The man cringed and anger flashed through his eyes.

"What? What's this, an interview? Fuck no, I work alone, but I know who you're talking about. He was just an annoying prick after some chick, got in my way."

"I see. So you have no interest in that guy whatsoever?"

"Not really. Dude's an amateur, the freak going after me actually caught _him_."

"You realize that 'freak' you're talking about is actually with the police."

"Really now? Why does that not surprise me?" Hammer laughed maliciously and held onto his gut. However cruel he seemed, Carly made sure to measure his eyes, denoting a sense of pride.

"You're proud of him, aren't you."

"What?" He stopped laughing and cleared his throat."He's just trying to avenge his murdered father, I suppose…" He smirked and narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, you mean Benson nearly ten years ago?"

"It was nine years ago, and yes. I remember the face of everyone I run into, every life I destroy, every family I tear apart. That's why I'm the hammer, because I shatter, crush, destroy _everything_ and _everyone_."

"I see." She couldn't bring herself to fear him. She really wasn't sure why, but she did have her ideas. She watched him play around with his gun and smirked subtly. "You're not going to shoot me. You're not that much of a killer." He raised an eyebrow once more and scoffed.

"Try me." His thumb pulled the cock of his gun back and her heart started pounding within her.

"So, you're not going to let me go, then?"

"Tell me why I should? I promise I'll remember your face…" He lifted the gun to her forehead, resting it just three inches away. His eyes narrowed and his lips pulled back into a scowl. "You'd remember my face too. I can't let you live."

"I know you, you've only killed one person in reality. You act tough, you act like a murderer, but you haven't got it in your heart. The only kill you've ever done was justifiable in your mind. Legally it was wrong, but you justified it…because it was for your mother. Wasn't it?" His eyes widened and his hand began to tremble. She could see she was starting to break through.

"You don't know anything about my mother, or my life."

"I know she's dying. I also know who your father was…"

"Shut up. So what if I've only killed that one guy? It isn't like…whatever, you'd still remember my face…" He was only menacing, nothing more. Like an overstuffed grizzly bear, that was all. Even if he had that gun at her face, he wouldn't shoot.

"Why don't you just use a traditional ski mask or something?"

"I can't breathe in that stuff. You're a brave woman. Tell me…what makes you so brave?"

"My desire to change fate."

"What? Seriously? You think you can change _fate_?" He lowered his gun briefly and gave her a mocking glare. She stood erect and breathed in. It was her belief that things could indeed change, people had the power to make the necessary and much needed changes in their life if they wanted. "You think people can change?"

"I do. I think people can change their situation if they will it enough. There are always multiple paths to take, each way leads down one road. Let's take you for example. You could either continue on the path you're on, maybe one day you'll rob the wrong place, maybe you'll meet another criminal, maybe you die." He scoffed and she shrugged. "Say you turn yourself in willingly, you live and you become anew, you get a shorter sentence than you would if you resisted arrest. Say you also keep down this path you're going, eventually you're going to be arrested. Name one robber that kept robbing forever without ever getting caught or having the police come close to him.

He muttered and narrowed his eyes. "I hate being interrupted though, and that's what you're doing right now." He lifted the gun back to her forehead and growled. "I don't need a lecture on how I can change my life. You act as if I didn't know that." She remained unfazed.

"You can't change things by yourself, sometimes you need help, but you can change destiny. I know several people who thought they couldn't change their situation, thought nothing could get better, only worse. I showed them things _could_ change. One day, maybe I can do the same for this country."

"Don't make me laugh. Though, I'm sure you would have made a great politician."

"Would have?"

"Yes. Until you decided to try and 'help' me."

"Oh…" Slowly her lips started to curl back into a smirk. She moved her eyes to the window behind the Hammer and drew in a breath of relief, policemen were surrounding the place. As her eyes drifted to the door, she saw Freddie rushing towards them. "What's your name anyway?"

"I figure you might know."

"Tell me anyway. It's the least you can do for me in my 'final moments'. Humor me."

"Quincy Saphens."

"Okay. Well Quincy. It isn't _you_ I was trying to help." Quincy raised his eyebrow and lowered the gun briefly. He didn't hear the doors open and was still staring into Carly's eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Thinking fast, Carly ducked to the side just as Freddie grabbed Quincy's wrist. The man let out a dangerous shout and fired the gun into the ceiling. "What the fuck?" Freddie threw him to the ground and slammed his fist into his face. He grabbed the hammer from the man's hand and roared as he brought the weapon sharply towards the man's face. Quincy shouted and held his hands up and Freddie stopped just inches from his face. "Whoa now, Benson!"

"You bastard…" Freddie huffed and panted heavily. He wanted to kill this man so badly, to destroy him as he did him. "You killed my father. You let me sit there in my father's blood!"

"It wasn't my fault you were around. I had to do it one way or another."

"You fucking asshole." He tossed the hammer to the side and swatted the gun across the floor. His hands closed around Quincy's shirt collar and his eyes glared into the man's eyes. "Where you're about to go, you'll have plenty of time to remember that man's face!" Quincy struggled to get out from beneath him, but Freddie had him pinned with his knee digging into his waist.

"Last thing I want to _do_ is remember that fucker's face."

"Asshole!"

"Freddie! We got him!" Mark shouted as he and several other officers surrounded the two. Quincy roared angrily as Freddie flipped off him and Mark cuffed his wrists. He was jerked from the ground and the officers began to cheer. "Finally! We've got you."

"You don't have much."

"Wrong!" Carly ran up to him and held her hat in the air. Quincy narrowed his eyes at her and frowned. "We've got everything on camera! A hat cam."

"You …" He turned his head to Freddie and started seething. "Why didn't you kill me just then? You could have. Why did you stop?"

"Because…" Freddie felt a sense of relief wash over him as the officers started pulling Quincy from the shop. He and Carly followed out and Quincy held his glare. Finally, Freddie felt as though he'd avenged his father. He knew his father would be shining down on him. This was why Carly did this, wasn't it? She wanted him to have a chance to honor his father. "Carly's right. We all have a choice. I could have killed you, but I don't want to be like that…I've avenged my father as it is, nothing more than having you arrested…"

"Hm. Not quite as angry as you used to be. Not bad. You know, you didn't find everything out about me."

"What do you mean?"

"Always think of your father as a good father, but for the record, you make a better cop, and if don't let anger get the better of you, maybe a better man. There was a reason I didn't kill you that day, that only your old man died. I could have killed you."

"What are you talking about?" He raised an eyebrow as Mark pushed Quincy into the back of the car. Carly bowed her head slightly and Mark clicked his tongue. Suddenly, that feeling of pleasure at finally catching his mortal enemy started draining away. He gave Carly a curious stare and turned to her. "You know something? Tell me what it is."

"Something I found out…" He looked back to the police car holding Quincy and frowned as the police officer who drove the patrol car off. "About Quincy. I did know his name, I looked into his background…His mother is Margaret Saphens. His father…" She didn't want to ruin his image of his father, and even Mark was acting like he knew something. Mark couldn't meet Freddie's eyes.

"What is it guys? What does his mother have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with your father," Mark replied. Freddie's throat tightened as he watched Mark point at Carly's hat camera. She flipped it off and stared at her friend with growing anxiety. "When Margaret was nineteen, she met a man at a college party, she got drunk and they had sex. A baby was conceived from this interaction, but the man refused any interaction with her or the kid, claiming that she was…there wasn't really anything nice to be said from this man." Freddie's eyes started to grow as his mind painted the picture for him.

"No…" He slowly stepped back and shook his head. The anger inside was threatening to rise, but he was doing all that he could to push it on down. "No, tell me it isn't what I think…" Carly frowned and put her hand to his shoulder.

"Quincy's birth father was Mr. Benson. The reason he killed your, his, father, was because the man wanted nothing to do with him or his mother. Freddie, lies had been spread…"

"I don't believe it. I-I can't believe something like that!" His world was crashing around him. Quincy was his _brother_? "My dad wouldn't-"

"He was nineteen, Freddie. He wasn't even thinking. He put that life behind him, expecting it never to come back…but it did…"'

"Shut up!" He couldn't do it, he couldn't stop the anger from coming out. He roared and started running away from them, for fear of hurting them. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He couldn't even enjoy putting away the Hammer now! Who would enjoy putting away their own brother? No, had he known, could he have tried to talk the man out of a life of crime. Tears ran down his cheeks and air flew in through his teeth. He closed his ears off to Carly's shout for him

"Freddie! Wait! Come back!" He was _pissed_, sad, fearful, a whole mixture of problems. The last person he wanted to see right now was Carly. Now, he just wanted to think things through and figure out what his next step would be.

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><p>So, wow. They're brothers, and we've learned a lot. Such as, Quincy maybe wasn't as bad as originally thought. Either or, Freddie just flew off the handle, he just needs some time. Stick around!<p> 


	49. Like Old Times

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

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><p>Chapter 48 (Like Old Times)<p>

Freddie sat on the edge of a Cliffside with about a ten-foot drop into a large lake. He was gazing peacefully into the sky, watching the clouds roll by. The sunlight reflected from the crystal-clear water and lit up the circular cliff framing it. On the surface where Freddie was, the edge of the cliff was framed with dirt, sand, grass, and trees. This oasis was hidden by a giant area of construction that had been around for at least ten years. Simply, an abandoned site, and nothing more. It was quiet, a perfect place to come to. When he was younger, he and Jonah would always come and dive into the lake. Of course, there was a small upwards V arc that led them out into a lightly flowing river for them to get out.

He kicked his feet on the edge of the cliff and chuckled at the memory of his young, almost fearless age. This secret oasis was prominent for him when he was just ten. Jonah, of course, was eleven. They would always make the dive, despite there being nobody else around. At the time, if it was known they actually hung around here, they would likely have been forbidden by their parents. Even Jonah's dad would likely have come out of his shell to put his foot down.

He let the breeze blow through his hair and laid back on the ground, positioning his hands behind his head. It had been a few hours since they arrested Quincy. He felt sick to his stomach and didn't believe it was true. He only found out when he requested the DNA from one of the forensic analysts. It confirmed him to be related to Quincy via the paternal line. It was so hard to believe, so hard to accept, and then when he thought about how much he wanted to kill the guy, he felt even worse.

"He was a good dad…I remember that." There was nothing wrong with his father, not like Sam and Beck's father. His only crime was getting some woman pregnant and pushing her aside in her time of need, but that already made him seem terrible. "It was thirty years ago…so it shouldn't matter now…right?"

So Quincy's life of crime was mainly due to his life growing up? Of course, he'd have a terrible anger. How fitting it was. He scoffed and quickly sat up. As he focused his eyes on something on the other side of the cliff, he was jarred by a stick bouncing off his head. He shouted and rubbed his head while spinning around. He raised his eyebrows and saw Jonah walking towards him, smirking. "I thought I'd find you here, you weren't anywhere else." Freddie pushed himself up and sighed as Jonah tilted his head to the side. "So. Anger _does_ run in your family."

"Oh hush." He turned his head away and stared at a brown pebble on the ground. "Did Carly tell you?"

"Yeah she did, she figured you'd tell me anyway." Freddie chuckled dryly and looked back to his friend. It was true for the most part, he would have definitely told Jonah about it. "Everyone saw you on iCarly, though. Nice tackle." He scoffed and sat down abruptly. Jonah stepped next to him and placed his hand on Freddie's shoulder. "I hope you're not too worried about Sam's thoughts. Granted, I'm not sure she even saw iCarly. Carly called me up when you ran off and said Sam wasn't talking to you right now."

"Yeah, she's taken a week long sabbatical from everything…our relationship, iCarly, whatever it is…" He bowed his head and felt a sharp pain in his gut. He knew Sam didn't want to break up, but what would she think when they came back together again? "I can understand why she'd want to get away from it all, but it just seems…I don't know. Is it hopeless?"

"Is what hopeless?"

"Everything. I thought I was making progress, but I just lost it back there. Ran off and felt like beating down everyone and everything I came across."

"And did you?" He lifted his head as Jonah crouched next to him and rested his elbows on his knees. "While you were making your way here, did you hit anyone at all?" He kicked a few stones and punched a wall at one point of time. It wasn't the brightest idea that he ever had, but nothing was broken. At least not that he knew of.

"No…"

"No?" Freddie flinched in surprise when Jonah reached over and lifted his right hand up. There was a dark bruise on his fingers. "What's that, then?"

"I punched a wall," he muttered. Jonah clicked his tongue and started inspecting the hand. When he applied pressure, it hurt just a little, but not much.

"Well, I don't think anything's broken. Did you punch anything else?"

"No, just that wall. I kicked a few rocks, but that was it. I didn't hit any people at all."

"Good, that at least shows you're able to _control_ your anger. You're reaching something. It's not hopeless and anybody would be upset if they just found out what you did. So don't get discouraged, you're fine."

"It's interesting…_you're_ supposed to be the aggressive one. You're the one who's had to deal with a lot of crap growing up, you're the one that people at the school are afraid of." Maybe it was the quieter ones that were more aggressive, maybe the ones who always seemed the nicest.

"I know man. I know. I guess I've just had to deal with stuff my own way. I see so much that I can't afford to be angry. Now that Valerie and I have had two dates and all, I really feel happy." Freddie chuckled and moved his knees up to rest his elbow on them. The wind blew against his face and he inhaled deeply. He was insanely grateful for Jonah, at least he helped to keep him calm at times. "You know, Freddie…" He looked over as Jonah rubbed his shoulder and smiled into his eyes. "Things will be just fine. You'll see. One day everything's going to work out, I promise."

"Then why doesn't it feel that way?"

"Because the hard times will always be the hardest and will always seem like there's no escape, but there is. There always is."

"And when did you get so wise?"

"I have no idea." He laughed and Jonah's lips curled into a grin. "Dad says I get it from mom, there's no way in hell I could get it from him." The two laughed once more and lay back against the ground, gazing up into the sky while trying to calm themselves. After a moment, they lay still and silent.

"I told Sam I loved her." His voice was soft and quiet. Jonah moved his head to the side and lifted his eyebrows up.

"Really now? And what did she say?"

"She loved me too." He chuckled dryly and closed his eyes. "Then she said she wanted to take a week to think about things before seeing me again. Imagine that." Jonah laughed.

"Go figure man, you really know how to butter up the women."

Freddie glanced over at his snickering friend and playfully hit his shoulder. "Oh shut up."

"I can't help it man, but congrats on being able to say it."

"Thanks."

"And you meant it, of course?"

"Yeah. Yeah I did."

"Good. Don't go breaking her heart, she's already been hurt enough."

"I know." He moved his eyes to the side and tried to swallow his guilt. He felt like he'd already hurt her, even though he didn't do anything damaging. He still lied to her, but because he thought she'd leave him anyway. So in a sense, she probably thought he didn't trust her. He wouldn't make that same mistake twice. "I won't hurt her. It just feels like I already have."

"Well, the fact that she didn't say she was breaking up with you probably says she's willing to work through whatever hurt you may have caused her. After all, two people supporting each other in a relationship is always best."

"Yeah…" His eyes dropped for a moment and his chest rose and fell with silence. Jonah turned is head back to the sky and closed his eyes. "So have you heard from Valerie since Sunday?"

"Well, we've talked on the phone."

"Any plans for a third date?"

"Thinking of taking her out to a museum on Saturday. She's a fan of art, so I think she might enjoy some artwork." The two men sat up straight and gazed out at the lake. It was tempting to dive in and go for a swim, just like old times. Jonah lifted his gaze up and looked over to Freddie. "Does Spencer have any artwork in any museums?"

"No. He used to, but they took his art down a while back."

"Sucks…"

"I know." Freddie rolled his head to the side and meshed his eyebrows together. His thoughts were still on the pain of his father. Did his mom know anything at all? What of Quincy's mother? Should they even talk to the woman? "What am I supposed to think of about Dad?"

"Nothing. Keep his memory. Quincy probably never told you about it as many times as he had the chance to, possibly so you didn't have to have a poor memory of your father. It's the last good act of your older brother, in my opinion."

"You think so?"

"I think he understood that someone's view of their respected parent shouldn't be tainted or destroyed. Would you want to talk to him?"

"Well…" Freddie's heart sank down and his lips pulled back into a frown. He wasn't positive if he was ready for that. He was seriously considering a sabbatical as well, if from anything, from life. "I don't know if I'm ready to do that right now. Maybe later…"

"Understandable." Jonah rose to his feet and helped Freddie up. The two men turned their attention to the lake and grinned. "So, you want to take a dip like old time's sake?"

"Actually, that sounds like a hell of a good time."

"So let's go swimming then."

"Sounds good to me."

The two men tossed their shirts and pants off, leaving only their boxers. They'd have to come back around for dry clothes, but that wouldn't be a problem. They took a few paces backwards, then ran towards the edge. Their heels scraped against the edge of the cliff as they jumped off. Freddie curled his knees to his chest like a cannonball while Jonah reached forward as if he were a lion pouncing or a professional diver. They laughed and hit the cool surface of the water, it truly was like old times, and a good break away from all the drama in their lives.

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><p>So relaxing of a chapter I suppose, Jonah does know how to be a friend. Well I hope you enjoyed the chapter, next should be pretty good for you. Stick around<p> 


	50. Handle Things

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

A/N: Quincy gets a three chapter sha-bang here, so I'm uploading this, 51 and 52 together.

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><p>Chapter 50 ("Handle Things")<p>

Freddie walked through the jail cells a couple days later, Jonah walked beside him as back up. They made their way to a single holding cell where Quincy was sitting on a small bench like structure, holding a book in his hands. Upon seeing this man, he was struck with confusion. He wanted to hate this man, he really did, but for some reason, he couldn't. Was it because of their father? Was it because he was his brother? Maybe. Before he got the chance to really say anything, Quincy spoke up, not even lifting his head to see who was at the cell doors. "What do you want?" His voice seemed tired, rough, and deep as ever.

"I was hoping to talk to you. Maybe, to get some answers, if you could give me some." Quincy raised an eyebrow and slowly glanced over to Freddie. Freddie looked over at Jonah, then back to Quincy. "Mom's coming, she just stopped to go to the restroom…" In truth, Marissa wasn't even sure she _wanted_ to see this guy. Like Pam, she didn't even know John ever had another kid, but it was Pam who convinced her to at least hear the guy out. "My best friend and brother, Jonah, is with me too…"

"I see that." Jonah chuckled nervously and leaned against the wall in between two holding cells. He glanced to the right and saw Marissa slowly making her way down the corridor. She was pale and didn't appear to be taking any of this in well at all. "Now why are you here? I mean, you got questions, what makes you think that I have the answers?" Freddie rolled his eyes and folded his arms over. His foot tapped out his impatience and his narrow gaze fell upon Quincy. "What? I just want to know why you would bother coming all the way out here for me. I mean, haven't you done enough as it is?"

"Enough…" He was aware of what Quincy was doing, playing dumb. Did Quincy not think he would look into the words he said? Even as vague as they were, he still was curious. Though, he probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if Carly hadn't actually said something. "How long have you known that I, you, we…"

"That you, what?" Quincy met his eyes and slowly stood from the bench.

"How long did you know I was your brother…"

"I didn't until…I didn't even realize it until after I left that place." His blood ran cold and Marissa's hand moved to her mouth. How could Quincy not know? Then again, he probably was so angry that he didn't even _think_ about it. He wanted revenge, he wanted to give the man what he thought he deserved, and he did. How was he to know the man actually had a kid? He slowly looked to Jonah, who arched his eyebrows in curiosity. A pang of guilt hit him and he quickly pushed it away, starting to say something else, but was cut off by his brother. "Who told you? Carly?"

"Yeah…why didn't you ever tell me? Were you trying to protect me or something? I don't see the point of it…" Quincy rolled his eyes and lifted his hands to the bars, grasping them in a gentle, firm grip. The man's eyes were soft and his voice quiet. There was no hate between either man, nor guilt, nor shame, just conversation.

"It wasn't just that. He was your father…I didn't want you to think poorly of him. Not like I did. At least he was a good man to you and your mother…" His eyes drifted over to Marissa. She moved her hand to her chest and closed her eyes, holding back a tear. "I really am sorry that I took him away from you guys, it's just…I had so much anger, so much rage and hatred for him…but look where it landed me. I'm in prison because of it. What he did to mom, he needed to pay for, but I went about it the wrong way, and you had every right to hate me for that." Freddie's body tensed up and his eyes started to surge with pain. He closed his eyes and turned his head away to avoid letting anything spill out that he didn't want showing.

"As much as I hate to say it…I can't bring myself to hate you. I'm not saying what you did was right, but I'm not saying it was _wrong_." Marissa had nothing to say to that and Jonah just stared on in silence, there merely for support and if needed for anything. Quincy huffed slightly and lowered his arms. "Even your motive for robbery…Carly said it was for your _mother_?" He shook his head and sighed, not understanding exactly how that was working out, since Carly did tell him that was information she didn't feel like giving out. It wasn't her business. "Either way, with Dad. You did what you did because you were angry, and…I might have done the same thing if it was me."

"We are of the same blood, whether you want to admit it or not. Our anger does come from our father's side, as far as I know."

"I guess."

"As for mom…You need to pay her a visit." His eyes shifted quickly to Quincy and his heart palpated in a swift motion. "She's dying. Her body's been deteriorating for years. Kidney failure." Jonah frowned and lowered his arms, immediately understanding the case. Marissa's jaw dropped and Freddie winced. "We've…never had enough money to even _afford_ a kidney transplant. She won't make it at this rate."

"And that's why you robbed all those places…you never thought to ask for help?"

"I've had to drop out of college to take care of her when she first started getting sick. Back then it wasn't even kidney failure. I didn't even start robbing until five or six years ago, only because Mom's checks stopped coming in. Never took more than maybe one or two thousand, but those went to bills…The one thing I did was when I found out my 'father' was in the police force…He just took advantage of my mother when she was drunk. She was drunk, available, and at a party. Who would be the wiser?" He scowled and Freddie slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't…Mom would be better to talk to about that anyway, she's not as biased…or angry…"

"If you're in prison…who's going to take care of your mom?"

"We will," Marissa replied hastily. Her response shocked everyone and their eyes flew to her. Freddie was about to ask why she said anything, but he was too speechless to say a word. Her body trembled as she took a slight step forward and met Quincy's eyes. "I understand…why you did what you did…and Pam says it isn't right to blame the child for what the father did. Even if you killed him…even if you're a robber…" Quincy stammered as she took a deep breath and exhaled. "You are John's son. Maybe you've been born thirteen years before Freddie, so what. Maybe you were conceived before John and I married, okay. I've accepted Jonah as my son, though he's my stepson, it wouldn't be fair…if I didn't treat you the same."

"Seriously?"

"Yes…and your mother…Jonah knows some of the best doctors around." Jonah raised an eyebrow and smirked as Freddie slowly turned his gaze to Quincy. Quincy was too stunned to respond, and how could he? "It wasn't her fault what happened. She doesn't deserve to be punished for it. We'll take care of her."

"You would do that?"

"Yeah, someone has to."

Freddie nodded and snapped his fingers. He had a great idea, but didn't want to say anything because he wasn't sure what the others would think of it. His eyes fell onto Quincy with a growing curiosity. Would he be willing to accept help? Would he be willing to quit with the robberies? "So how are you on all that pent up anger anyway, Quincy?"

"I _should_ ask _you_ that question."

"Uh oh…" He knew what was coming. He winced inwardly as Jonah started to laugh. So Quincy had a bit of that older brother syndrome that every older brother had within them. The right to boss around the younger sibling and 'help them' along life. Freddie had seen this a million times with Jonah and Olivia, so really he knew exactly what was about to come.

"You think I haven't watched you? Look where I am Freddie. This, because of my anger. You're on your way…" Was it really that bad? He lifted his bruised hand and sighed, the bruising had gone down a bit, but some of his skin was still slightly darker than usual. "What you did to Rodney that one day, while the prick deserved it, it was still wrong, and you _know _it. Hell you wanted to murder him, you wanted to murder _me_, these are things that will land you in prison!"

"I _know_ that, Quincy."

"Then why _do_ it? Do you think you're all that different from Rodney?"

"I like to think so…I assume you know of my history…"

"I know enough." Freddie groaned as Jonah belted out an 'ooh' sound, signaling that he was in trouble. Marissa chuckled lightly and Freddie shot them a glare. "I know you're dating a girl who has seen hell already."

"Yeah…"

"And _how_ is that going? Do you love her?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. So how is your relationship?"

"Well…" He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, he wasn't too sure he wanted to tell Quincy about the sabbatical that Sam was on. He had a feeling he'd get it out of him somehow if he didn't. "You see…Rodney talked to her and she found out a lot of stuff, so with all the stress, she's taken a week long 'break' from our relationship…among other things. She and Carly seem afraid of me turning into another 'Rodney' too."

"Uh huh. How about it now?"

"She saw me tackle you in all my rage…I uh…relapsed after Carly told me that stuff, too, but she didn't see that. However, I punched a wall." Quincy's lip curled up in a teasing smirk along with Jonah's.

"Dumbass."

"Hey! I wasn't thinking straight at the time!" His defense fell short as his two brothers laughed. When the laughter subdued, he crossed his arms and glanced off to the side. "Sam's still taking a week long break from everyone. She's only seen or talked to Carly and Valerie. Apparently her family's getting closer than ever, though."

"Good to hear. Well if you love her, then you _really_ need to try harder to control your anger, because I know what it's like to lose a girl over that."

"I would never hit her…"

"You don't have to hit her for her to leave you or fear you."

"Wh…" The words chilled his bones and silenced the air around them. A heaviness descended upon his soul as he bowed his head and closed his hands. He _hated_ the thought of losing Sam. It was bad enough she wasn't seeing him during this time, but to think of a permanent end to their relationship, it killed him. "I don't want to lose her."

"Then work on you. Apparently she's working on herself, maybe you need to work on yourself."

"Maybe…"

Jonah took a step forward and cleared his throat, he was getting a bit antsy. The others looked over at him as he folded his arms and craned his neck back. "I don't mean to cut this short, but I heard the words Kidney and Failure a while back, in addition to the implied 'poor' figure, so I find it would be of great _urgency_ to get moving!"

"Right. We'll talk later, Quincy…"

"Whatever." Freddie chuckled and began walking off with the others. "Hey!" He stopped and turned back, meeting Quincy's eyes. They were filled with fear, concern, hope and order. "Handle things. Make things right. Like Carly's doing for everyone…make things right. Handle things." Such simple words, yet such powerful impact. He smiled gently and slowly nodded while Jonah impatiently called him to hurry up.

With an endearing nod, he responded to him, "I will." He watched Quincy return to the bench and grab the book up. As he sat down, Freddie noticed something particularly interesting about it, Quincy was reading out of the Bible. He smiled as his brother closed his eyes and started to pray. Hastening his feet, he spun around and ran out the door with Jonah and Marissa. _"I definitely will_."

* * *

><p>Looks like things are getting a little better, Freddie's forming a relationship with Quincy.<p> 


	51. Determining Quincy's Fate

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 51 (Determining Quincy's Fate)<p>

Marissa sat in a grey hospital chair, reading a book on forgiving, she'd come a long way in the last decade. She was a lot calmer than she used to be, and she was grateful for that. Her eyes lifted up to Jonah, the two doctors that had been mentoring him, Dr. Stein and Dr. Richards, and a bunch of their nurses. They surrounded Margaret Saphens and were currently checking for anything that would be considered an abnormality. When everyone arrived to Margaret's home, there wasn't much time to talk, as the two doctors wanted to get down to business. People were able to introduce themselves, but that was about it. Once the woman agreed to go to the hospital, all was well.

"What can we do, Doctor?" A nurse asked without hesitation. Marissa moved her head to the right and exhaled as Dr. Stein answered.

"We can save this woman." The medical professionals stepped back from the table. Jonah looked at the two doctors with keen interest. Normally it could take tons of money to perform something such as a kidney transplant, but the conversation with the doctors had already been had on the way over. "There is only kidney failure of the right kidney. This woman's condition is merely because she has not been seen by a doctor in several years. If untreated, this could go into the end stages pretty quickly." Dr. Richards nodded and lifted his hand, motioning over to Jonah.

"We've determined that an immediate Kidney transplant will be needed. It is a failure of the right renal organ, so that faulty organ has to be removed and a healthy kidney of the same blood type must be put in. Jonah, I believe we've agreed to do this without charge?"

"Yes, and thank you," he replied. They were doing it for free only because Jonah was such a model student and helpful around the town. "Though, my uncle said he would still be able to cover the cost." The doctors glanced at each other and shook their heads.

"That won't be necessary." Marissa chuckled softly and looked to the woman on the bed, she was mildly conscious. They hadn't done anything just yet that would require putting her under, but the way the doctors had been talking made it seem she would be going under the knife pretty soon. Margaret was in very good hands. "You tell your Uncle that we'll do this without any charge."

"There may be something else he can do," Freddie said as he walked to Jonah. Marissa looked over and lifted her eyebrows, she hadn't heard the door open. Behind Freddie, walked in Mark and Roy. Freddie looked to Margaret and breathed in. "How is she?"

"She will be just fine," reported Dr. Stein. "We're about to get ready to prep her for surgery."

"You can save her?"

"Without a doubt." Mark walked over to her and frowned. He'd recently been promoted to Deputy Chief and was the current Police Chief's closest friend. He put his hand to Margaret's shoulder and looked up at the doctors.

"I didn't know she was his mother. We dated back in college." Jonah arched his eyebrow and Freddie moved over in silence.

"You did, Mark?"

"Yes. I broke things off because she had sex…I didn't realize the circumstances before. Had I, things would have been different…" He felt her hand upon his and looked down to see her gazing up at him. Her eyes gave away her exhaustion. He knelt beside her and gently squeezed her hand. "Hey. You're going to be all right now…" She smiled slightly and moved her head back, closing her eyes. Mark gently brought his hand up and brushed a strand of her straggly brown hair from her face. "What could I ever do to pay her back for that?" Marissa's eyes darted from him to Freddie. She hummed and slowly moved her book up in front of her face as Mark stood erect. He glanced over as the Police Chief himself walked in. Everyone stood erect as the man folded his arms over and exhaled through his nose. "Chief Abrams, sir."

Chief Zachary Abrams had an almost imposing appearance. He was a tall, well groomed figure with a straight face and sharp eyes. His brown hair was always combed back and a moustache covered up a small scar on his upper lip. "Mark, haven't I told you that you didn't _need_ to call me that? I understand it's respectful, but as long as we've been close for…"

"Yes."

"Now, Margaret…" He moved over to her and gazed down at her. His hardened figure softened as his hand graced her wrist. "She is my cousin. I've always wondered where she disappeared to."

"You guys know her?" Freddie asked. The two men nodded in reply and his jaw dropped momentarily. "Well that's…news." Zach closed his eyes and shook his head.

"She vanished after college. We just lost touch with her, that's what we thought. That kid…Quincy…that's her son?"

"Yes sir. I wanted to talk to you two about that, actually." The two men turned fully towards him and gazed almost without expression. Uncle Roy stepped next to Freddie and Jonah signaled the men to the other corner of the room. They all moved over and Freddie brought up his question. "He's my brother. The reason he robbed the places he did…for his mother. The murder…anger at his father, my father. We don't hold resentment towards that, but he still needs help. Maybe you could drop the charges on him?" The two glanced at each other, then back at Margaret. Their wistful gazes tore away from her, and Zach inhaled deeply.

"Those places he robbed over the years…"

"That's where Uncle Roy comes in," Jonah interrupted. He cleared his throat and pat Roy on the shoulder while looking the two men in the eyes. "I don't know what he does for a living exactly, but-"

"I am a computer programmer, Jonah…"

"Seriously?" Jonah looked over and blinked. "What is it with us Indians and computers?" Roy rolled his eyes and chuckled. He crossed his arms over his chest and wagged his eyebrows once.

"I didn't say _tech support_, I said computer programmer. There _is_ a difference."

"Oh. Well anyway, he's got a few million dollars and is willing to compensate any of their losses. Right Uncle Roy?"

"Yes." Roy pulled a sheet of paper from the pockets of his slacks. "Freddie printed out this list of all the financial aspects of what Quincy took. As a part of the family, we're willing to pay it _all_." The list had seven places, each ranging from eight hundred to two thousand dollars taken. In total, almost twelve thousand dollars had been taken over the years. "I'm willing to put in an extra thousand to each place, so twenty grand out of my pocket is something that I can afford. As for the murder…"

Marissa lifted her eyes from the words of the book, which still covered half her face. The men turned to her as she cleared her throat and brought the book to her lap. She wasn't too sure how she felt about John's loss. He did something horrible, yes. He lied to her, didn't tell her about Quincy. In reality, she was angry at him. Quincy, however, she couldn't bring herself to blame him. "I'm not interested in pressing matters further as far as that's concerned…" She moved her eyes back to the book and brought it up. "There's no justice in putting Quincy away for that. Don't press the topic any further."

"Let's add the fact that Quincy is all Margaret has." Mark and Zach turned their eyes down and looked back to the bedridden woman. Roy and Freddie breathed in deeply and glanced over. Their hearts sank when they thought of that woman thinking her son was gone forever. "Freddie, do you have any further ideas?" Freddie tore his gaze away and met Jonah's eyes briskly, thinking back to the clinic. He smiled and returned his gaze to the officers.

"Yes. Actually." The men snapped their heads over, trying to figure out what ideas he could possibly have. It was taking all in them to think of putting away Quincy, what more could they do? "I want to help him, he _needs_ help. I know that before all this, even I hated him, but now…I know better. I know what he was going through, and I think he just needs help. I was thinking, maybe make it required for him to attend the counseling services at that large clinic Jonah volunteers at." Jonah raised an eyebrow and the men murmured with each other. It was an excellent thought, really. "If it can help, then he should be there. Also, he needs to be held accountable, so…maybe make him move with his mom over to our family farm. It's out in the country, a bit away from the city, the closest places are locations that don't really recognize him as much, so he can make a fresh start there.

As the men talked with each other, Marissa watched Margaret closely. The woman opened her eyes and looked over to her with hopeful curiosity. Marissa smiled at her and sat up. "Hey Margaret, they're going to operate on you soon. You're getting a kidney replacement."

"Really?" Margaret's chest rose and fell slowly as her lips curled into a tiny smile. "I've not had any medical care in nearly five years. Why are you doing this for me?" She slowly rose from her seat and walked over to the woman. With a tender hand, she felt of her head and brushed her hair back.

"Because you and Quincy are family."

"My son? Where is he…"

"He's going to be fine…However, there's going to be some changes." Margaret swallowed and her brows meshed together as her eyes turned over to the group in the room. "Those are the men who are going to determine your son's fate." The woman gasped lightly and quickly looked over to Marissa. "Quincy's done a few bad things and he will have to pay for it, but he's not going to go away." Margaret's eyes started to water with tears and Marissa smiled at her once more. "He's a good kid, taking care of you all these years. Maybe he went about it the wrong way, but…he did what he could do."

"You said earlier, I think…that your son…"

"Yeah. Our sons are brothers. My husband was John Benson…please be aware though, it wasn't your fault what happened back in college. We're going to take care of you. We live on a big farm…My fiancé, his children, and I have purchased a farm next door to his niece's farm, so...it's in the country and offers plenty of peace, quiet, and space. They just said Quincy would have to be confined to the farm, so you may as well move in too."

"Would you really do that?"

"Yeah." The doctors broke from the group and started moving over to the two. Margaret held her blanket nervously and Marissa gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "We'll be right here when you wake up. I hope you're ready to be able to get out and about, because you have the best doctors in Washington working on you."

"That's great then. When will I be able to see Quincy?"

"I'm not sure, hopefully by the end of the week. We'll have to see." Margaret smiled as the doctors started shooing everyone from the room. Marissa looked up as an anesthesiologist came in with the knockout gas. Everyone was prepped. "See you in a few hours, Margaret."

"Thank you again…"

"Not a problem." She gave the woman a slight hug and made her way outside. It was in Dr. Stein's and Dr. Richard's hands now. Everyone had the utmost confidence in them. As for Quincy, it was determined that he live on the farm with his mother, work as a farmhand, and regularly attend counseling at the clinic Freddie went to. Aside from the clinic, he would not be able to leave the farm on his own for a year. Freddie did wonder how he would take the news, hopefully good.

* * *

><p>So he may be granted a second chance. Doesn't happen often, but looks like they know the right people<p> 


	52. Second Chance at Life

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 52 (A Second Chance at Life)<p>

"So when are you and Valerie going on another date?" Freddie asked as he and Jonah made their way into the prison with Mark and Zach. It had been a couple days since the surgery and Margaret was recovering tremendously well. Now, it was time for Quincy to be released. "Saw her in her home economics class the other day, she was actually _glowing_. Everyone in that class was her friend."

"I know. I was there, dude." Jonah chuckled and smiled as they rounded the corner. There was a tremendous joy that he felt, knowing Valerie's life was turning around. She was really recovering and didn't doubt herself at all anymore. Rodney had, surprisingly, been leaving her alone. Then again, he was messing around with the others just as badly. "Valerie and I are going on another date tomorrow after school. She's really getting more confident in relationships." Freddie huffed and glanced to the side.

"Yeah, and while that happens, Sam's drifting farther away."

"Just give her time, Freddie. Give her time. She's delicate, you know that. Of all the girls we know, Valerie and Sam are probably the most delicate, so we just have to treat them right." He heard from Valerie that she'd seen the webshow when Freddie got pissed and tackled Quincy to the ground. She didn't think he was wrong to do that, but she did wonder what happened after the realization of being related to the man. "There _is_ a lot of drama going on right now, more so than needs to be. I'm not sure exactly what's causing it all, but it'll all be over soon enough."

"If only we could be sure of that, right? I mean…look at who we still have leaving 'gifts' at our doorsteps and whatnot." Jonah frowned as Freddie looked off to the side. True as it was, Rodney was still around and not even Carly could bring him down, since, even she was afraid of him at this point. "At least you and Valerie's family keep her safe from him."

"Yeah, he fears her family so much that he doesn't go near her house. She never goes anywhere alone, but that doesn't stop him from spying on her…Maybe we shouldn't talk about that guy right now, huh?"

"Yeah, whatever. After what he did to Sam, I want to kill him."

"Watch it though, those thoughts are exactly what everyone wants you to avoid." Freddie sighed and turned the corner with Jonah. Mark and Zach remained behind them, having their own conversation. Jonah pushed his hands into his pockets and furrowed his brow a bit at the thought that popped in his mind. Carly helped everyone, and did she really _not_ intend to help Quincy? Managing to get him arrested actually managed to connect him with Freddie, which in turn, made them learn about Margaret, which led to the doctors saving her life. Then, one would have to add to the mix that _both_ Mark and Zach, knew her, Uncle Roy had the money and the means, so Quincy would be free, but still with his penalties. "Damn."

"What?"

"Carly's more of a genius than we give her credit for." Freddie laughed as they walked through the double doors leading into the holding cell. "Seriously, she helped _everyone_, even _Quincy_. She knew about him, she knew about his mother, so something tells me she wouldn't just sit at the sidelines if she knew of a way to save the woman. Right?" Freddie blinked and raised an eyebrow up. His shoulders rose and fell.

"I guess. She's a brilliant person, but she can have her stupid moments too. I have been thinking, maybe we should repay her for all of this." His eyebrow scrunched up and he waited as Freddie continued. "Think about it. It's like you said, everyone has their problems too, so by that rule, even _Carly_ should have _something_ wrong. I just question what that is."

"Me too, she seems way too 'perfect' to have anything major. But then again, it's always the ones who don't act it in any way that have to have something. I'll bring it up with Val and you could bring it up with Sam, whenever she's done with her 'sabbatical'. Until then…" They stopped in front of a prison cell and looked inside, Quincy was kneeling over the bench, praying with the bible next to him. Freddie smiled and the others remained silent, out of respect.

As they listened to his prayer, they heard him praying for forgiveness for the wrongs that he did, praying for his mother's health, and praying to turn his life over to God. To be a better person, even if the rest of his life was in a cell. His eyes were fresh with tears, which was a surprise. The prayer went on for a good five or so minutes, until he brought it to an end and opened up his eyes. He looked over and was astonished to see the others standing at his cell. He slowly stood up and walked over. "Okay, so either my execution's coming rather early because the chief is here, or-"

"You're being released," Zach said with a subtle smile. Quincy's jaw dropped and his eyes started to fill with confusion. "All your 'sins' have been paid for…by that, I mean your robberies. Jonah's uncle has graciously paid off every dime you've ever stolen. You won't get that chance again, but you are getting a second chance at life. Not without its penalties, however."

"Such as?" Zach closed his eyes and his smile turned into a smirk.

"We'll let your brother tell you." Quincy lifted his eyebrows and looked over to Freddie. "He's the one that orchestrated it all, with the help of Jonah, that is." Freddie nodded his head and stepped closer, resting the palm of his hand on the bar of the cell.

"You're being released, but you still will be required to talk to a psychologist at this clinic that I go to. Along with that, you're confined to the farmhouse we live at out in the country for a year, you won't be allowed to leave the premises for a yeah without someone else with you. You also will have to work as a farmhand. Which pretty much means you have more work than those of us doing simple chores…but either way, you're getting a fresh start. We're kind of out of Seattle, really. Also, it would be good of you to start college. Jonah's starting college soon, so maybe you can start when he does."

"I see…I…I don't know what to say." Jonah chuckled gently and turned his eyes to the door. He knew Quincy would probably just die when he learned the news about his mother. The former burglar who acted afraid of nothing, now seemed small and confused. "Why would you do all that for me, anyway?"

"You're family. That would point to why. I guess you need to be with family, I mean…it's important to have family and to have a second chance at life. Why not take the opportunity, right?"

"I guess. It's just…" Seeing this conversation going nowhere, the point already reached, Jonah quickly made a motion for Mark to go ahead and open the cell. He was bored and wanted to get back home as soon as possible. He was missing his family time with his little sister. Olivia wanted to ride horses with Jonah and June.

"Come on, let's get you out of here. Someone's waiting for you back home." Quincy raised an eyebrow as Mark opened the door for him. They'd already helped Margaret move all her things from the house, at the risk of being spotted by Rodney. It really didn't matter to anyone, the restraining orders really were useless, and _everyone_ had one against him!

"Who is?"

"You'll see." Quincy stepped out of the cell and took a deep breath. He had nothing of value in the cell, just the bible, which was in his hand. "You're a free man. I just hope you'll use it to the best of your ability. You only get one chance to make things right, one second chance, and that's it."

"I know. Thank you…"

"Now, let's get moving, there's one more thing."

It was not much longer, though it was almost an eternity. There was the paperwork that needed to be signed, the process of ensuring all was well, then final release. The drive had been quiet, even phone calls were silent. Quincy had no idea what to expect, but he seemed happy to be out of the prison. He'd been reading his bible the entire drive, until they reached the farmland, where he stopped and started taking in the peacefulness of the land.

Jonah was on the phone with Valerie, discussing what was going on. She was happy for Quincy and wished him the best of luck, even saying that she and her family would pray for him to be able to rest. With as Christian as her family was, they understood Quincy's quest for meaning.

In other news, she was looking forward to their third date and hoped that nothing would interrupt. This time around, they were going to try ice-skating. Jonah was good with roller skates, but when it came to those blades, he wasn't the _best_, but he was good enough to move around a little. Valerie, on the other hand, admitted that she was not a seasoned skater in any way.

Valerie also agreed to talk to Sam for Freddie, to see what the situation was. She understood why Sam was afraid and needed to ensure her that things would be okay.

When the car stopped moving, Jonah said his goodbyes and exited with the others. Quincy looked around, tears in his eyes. They'd driven past a long brown fence and along a gravel path to a large looking wooden home. The land was about five acres long. He was going to enjoy it here. Freddie walked up to him and breathed in. "You know Quincy. I think Carly may have actually meant to help you too. There are some things that she had to know would happen…"

"Like…"

"Well…" Freddie reached into the car and hit the horn. Within minutes, June walked around the back of the farm. She was wearing a white cowboy hat, brown boots, a button up shirt and denim jeans. She had brown gloves on and was covered in dirt. Freddie raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "June? Why aren't you on your own farm?"

"Mom and Dad suggested I come over and help with the land work." She pointed to her farm house across the street. The others looked over and smiled at Roy and Christa, they were sitting on the porch with Ryan. "Uncle Michael's inside with Olivia and Marissa." Her eyes fell onto Quincy and her lips curled up into a smile. "Oh, also, someone's working with me. Hold on, let me grab her, I think she's in the chicken coop." Quincy watched her curiously as she hurried off. He pointed at her and turned to face Freddie.

"Who is that? Also, who's she talking about?" Freddie closed his eyes and folded his arms over.

"Jonah's cousin, June. She purchased the farm across the street with her parents and grandpa. Jonah, his dad and sister moved in with them and purchased this farm when Mom and Michael got engaged. So, we all live out here now. Yeah, it's a ways off from the girls and the school, but hey, it's relaxing."

"Definitely different than the noise of the city…"

"Exactly."

"I might enjoy it here, then…but what about Mom?" Freddie spoke no words, much to Quincy's disdain. Instead, he pointed to the house as June rounded the corner. Marissa, Olivia, and Michael stepped out on the porch and looked back to June, who was leading none other than Margaret around the house. Quincy's eyes widened and his jaw fell. His heart beat hard as he saw his mother, healthier than he'd ever seen her, _walking_ without any effort. Truly, a miracle like no other. "Mom?"

"Quincy." Her lips moved into a smile as her hands overlapped at her waist. She had her hair neatly groomed into a braid over her chest. It laid neatly on her floral blouse. She had a handkerchief resting on top of her head and color present in her cheeks. "They saved me, they paid for a kidney transplant. I'm going to make it." June pushed her forward and she started to walk, slowly, but steadily.

Quincy was frozen with tearful joy, moving only when Freddie smacked his back and pushed him to walk. He swallowed and quickly moved ahead, meeting his mom halfway and embracing her in a tearful hug. Their hearts beat together and tears dripped from their cheeks. "I can't believe it, Mama."

"We're family, this is our home now Quincy. Right here."

"I…"

"You don't have to break the law anymore." He sobbed once and met her eyes, they were filled with love and pride. He never wanted to break her heart, but she was his mother and would love him no matter what. "We can make it now. Don't you think we can?"

"Yes Mama…"

"Now you and your brother get along, okay? No more fighting between you two." Quincy chuckled, his tone cracked and wavered. Freddie laughed and met his brother's thankful eyes. It looked like the start of a beautiful family, but they might still have to work through some kinks, but those would be found and ironed through with time. "June is showing me the ropes on the farm. She wants to show you the layout, I think it would be good to go through that with Freddie as well."

June walked over and pat Quincy's shoulder, smirking deviously. "Yep. It's a lot of work here on the farm. Think you can handle it, handsome?" He blushed slightly and Freddie laughed. "I don't think you'll even make it out of training."

"I think I will." He pushed his chest outward and June wagged her eyebrows.

"We'll see about that. Let's get moving!" She grabbed his wrist and started pulling him away. Freddie snickered and followed after, Jonah wasn't far behind. They wanted Quincy to meet the rest of the family first, but June always considered work first.

Freddie rubbed his chin and stared at the two in thought. He had to wonder, what would happen if the two actually dated? He wasn't one to play matchmaker, but it was still a curious thought, brought to him by their exchange just then. Being that she was Jonah's cousin, Jonah was only Freddie's step brother, then Quincy was only Freddie's half brother, there was absolutely zero connection between Quincy and June. So there wouldn't be anything wrong with them dating. What chemistry they had, too, right off the back. He could feel it, even if they didn't.

Ah yes. Quincy would get quite the second chance here, and June would most definitely whip him into shape. Within minutes, she had him chasing a pig in a pen. She was watching and laughing while leaning against the wooden fence and he was covered in mud, with the pig running over him. "I _will_ get this pig!"

"Keep going Quincy! It took Freddie about ten minutes to catch the pig, Jonah took six minutes, and it only takes me about two minutes. You've already passed Jonah's time! If you don't beat Freddie's time, there's no shower for you!"

"Not fair! I smell worse than the pig does!"

"Quit your complainin' and catch that pig!"

"On it!" He turned to the pig, mildly trying to show off to her. He licked his lips as the pig stared up at him, trembling from the corner. "Come on _Babe_, nowhere left to run." He lunged forward. The pig squealed and ran through his legs. He screamed and landed face first in the mud. June laughed and he spit out the dirt and rolled his eyes. "I'll get it…" At least, he could appreciate this freedom, this new life.

* * *

><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter plenty well.<p>

** "I don't know. Honestly, he always talks about how he would have been a martial arts instructor if he didn't throw his back out when he was younger. Maybe it has something to do that." To see his nephew succeed where he failed? It seemed to make sense, but it was still somewhat funny to imagine the teacher delivering a can of whoop-ass to a bunch of villains. **


	53. Heartfelt Discussion

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 53 (A Heartfelt Discussion)<p>

June 1st, school was still in session for a couple weeks, as was how it was for Seattle public schools. Valerie was meeting up with Sam during the lunch hours. She wanted to try and talk to her about what was going on with Freddie. She wanted to be able to help her somehow, just as everyone helped her before. Sure, Sam had every right to be concerned about Freddie, but he was still a good person and it was blatantly obvious that he would never hurt Sam in any way. Not only that, but Sam had family and friends that, like Valerie, would _kill_ Freddie if he ever laid a hand on her.

Sam sipped a soda nonchalantly and looked up as Valerie took a seat in front of her. She told Carly she'd just be meeting with Valerie, so the other girl was actually elsewhere, getting her studies done. "You know Val, down south, schools let out practically a _month_ before we do. That seems hardly fair, don't you think?" Valerie chuckled and slowly nodded her head. Sam smirked slightly and rolled her head to the side, she definitely could tease Jonah and Valerie about the fact that they didn't have to deal with that system anymore, but they could easily counter with the fact that she had one more year left of it.

"Think of it like this, you have one more year left before the freedom of high school ends and then you have to start the high priority work of _college_. Then you get a totally different mindset, I bet." Sam raised a skeptical brow and set her soda on the table. In a way, she could see how Valerie was right, college would be rough, tougher than high school. There was no playing around there, it was serious shit, it was time to buck up and stop whining because nobody was going to take any crap that someone could pull in the high schools and junior highs. She muttered and lowered her voice as her eyes dipped down onto the soda can.

"Damn. That's a hell of a way to put it."

"I _know_, but that's what Vanessa tells me, and _she's_ the college student."

"Yeah, so she knows the ropes." Even with college coming up, what would she do? What would she go into? It wasn't set in stone. She knew what Freddie wanted to be, what Jonah wanted to be, even Valerie and Carly had their minds made up, but she still wasn't one hundred percent certain. It was embarrassing really. She leaned forward onto her raised wrist and flicked her eyes to one of the cafeteria windows. She did like the thought of being a guidance counselor. A dry chuckle escaped her lips as her eyes shut and her chest rose in a medium yawn. "God I'm tired…You know, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do out of college. I think maybe a guidance counselor, but I'm not sure."

"That's okay, many people don't know what they want to be going into college. That's what learning is for. You'll find your niche when you go."

"Niche?"

"Yeah, it's like…what you're good at, what you enjoy." Sam lifted her eyebrows and smiled slightly. Valerie was right, she didn't have to have things all figured out right now. Life could be taken one step at a time. Sometimes it was difficult, sometimes it wasn't so bad. In the end, those who took it carefully often found more enjoyment. "Now…what I wanted to talk to you about…" Sam's lips fell and her heart stilled, she had a sneaking suspicion of what was coming. "I know you don't want to talk to Freddie right now…" She cringed and moved her eyes to the side, slowly flicking her tongue from her teeth. The subject of Freddie, tense, but talking about him was likely a necessary evil. After all, she did love him and there really wasn't reason to be afraid of him. "What happened, Sam? Did he…did he hit you?" She looked to Valerie and felt the breath leave her body. She could see her friend's concern and care, she was very thankful to have that. "I mean, if he hit you, I could send Vanessa after him."

"Vanessa?" Valerie played on a subtle smirk and Sam's expression flushed as she imagined Vanessa pounding the hell out of Freddie. It gave her an almost pained sensation in her gut. The guy wasn't that bad! At least not bad enough to require a semi-professional martial artist smackdown from Valerie's older sister. "N-No, that's not necessary. He's never hit me." Valerie closed her eyes and set her backpack down beside her. Sam watched as the girl pulled a water bottle from the side sack on the backpack.

"Well that's good. I didn't think it would be needed either, Freddie would never hit you. No matter how angry he becomes. I know an abusive man from an angry man, and Freddie is no abuser." Valerie unscrewed the cap on her bottle and took a quick drink.

"You think so?" Sam's heart lifted into her throat and her palms rested neatly on the table. She glazed her fingertips inwards and curled them beneath her palm as her eyes dropped to them. "I just…" She wondered about telling her that Rodney showed up. Valerie knew the man was still around and the mere mention of him _still_ was enough to scare the living shit out of her. "Freddie told me some stuff about his past, but…someone else told me before he did and I freaked." She clenched her fists as Valerie lifted an eyebrow and moved her bottle to the table.

"You…freaked out? That's new."

"Yeah, I don't freak out so easily." She muttered out an embarrassed tone and lifted her eyes skywards. "It was Rodney." Valerie's body stiffened in a split moment, then relaxed. A wave of guilt hit Sam when she noticed her friend's tense muscles, she really wanted to avoid that. "Sorry for mentioning him, Val. I know you're still struggling with that…"

"It's fine." Valerie lifted her hand up to dismiss it and smiled softly. "Either way, if it was him who told you about Freddie, you know what he was trying to do." She felt the weight drop onto her and slowly nodded, swallowing down the cold chill. It wasn't impossible to see, Rodney wanted to ruin her relationship with Freddie. "He liked you at one point of time. He knows he can't get near me anymore, so…"

"He is not getting _anywhere_ near me! The creep better back off before I kick his ass."

"Yeah…I can't wait to get out of this school, though. My parents were thinking of transferring me after Rodney, but I opted to finish out the year…"

"That has to be hard…"

"It is." Especially with Rodney walking around, nobody expelled him from the school. There was no reason to. Sam had done things on school grounds that were worse than Rodney ever did on school grounds, rather than off. "Every time I walk the halls, I'm afraid I'll see his face. If I do, I just…It's okay, I have better things in my life now." Sam smiled and moved her hand to Valerie's, cupping it gently.

"You have Jonah now, right? I mean sure, you only _just_ started dating, but does that matter? He's a much better person than anyone else you've dated, isn't he?"

"Yes he is and…" Sam's eyebrows rose as Valerie flicked her eyes to the side and blushed slightly. "I'm just so happy he finally asked me out."

"You know he wanted to wait until you were ready and not still completely zapped out by Rodney."

"Yeah, and I appreciated that. But enough about _my_ dating life…let's talk yours." Sam chuckled nervously and brought her hand to her neck, sighing with desperation. "Well more than just that, but everything. What's on your mind? I mean, you've vanished from everyone's life lately."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just wanted to spend time with my family without having to deal with all this excess baggage." Freddie, Rodney, Quincy, all the depressing things surrounding her life in these days, it was far too much for her to bear. "I can't take all this stuff, honestly. It's too much for me, it feels like everything's going downhill." Valerie took a deep breath and glanced up at a passing student. She exhaled softly and met Sam's wavering gaze.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better, I had to learn that the hard way. From what I hear and see, I think the worst has come…I don't know about _Rodney_, but everything else…seems to have come and gone." It was a little comfort, but at least it helped her to understand that things were getting better, and maybe they would get better. "Until then, Freddie needs your support. Just like Jonah needs my support and I need his…if you love Freddie and he loves you, shouldn't you be willing to work at it?"

"Yes. Without a doubt." She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. She held onto that breath of air, not wanting to release it. When she did, she slowly shook her head. "I hope you're right, and things start looking up…"

"I'm living proof." The girls chuckled, almost in vain, and decided to carry on in conversation about recent events. Anything to make them feel better about the world around them.

* * *

><p>A very nice, pleasant chapter for you in which Valerie gives Sam a very friendly conversation. Maybe things will look up soon for everyone.<p> 


	54. Fresh Start

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 54 (Fresh Start)<p>

"Shall we take our leave?" Jonah asked with an extended hand. Valerie smiled at him and put her hand in his. It was the end of the school day, so they were going to head on to the roller rink. He didn't need to sound so cheesy, but he was trying to be a little lighter than usual. Valerie laughed lightly as he spun around and moved backwards, resting her arm on his shoulder. "Let's see if you can manage to keep up on those skates." She smiled cheerfully and shook her head. He lifted his eyebrows and glanced back with a subtle smirk. He didn't mind if she knew how to skate or not, it just meant more time to hold on to her.

"I'm going to go ahead and guess a 'no' on that. If you're wondering if I'll fall on my butt, then it's most likely that I will not be able to keep up on those skates." As they walked out to the car, Valerie glanced at him and smirked. "You're going to take advantage of that as an excuse to hold on, aren't you?" Jonah grinned innocently and Valerie laughed. "I thought so." His heart jumped as he moved forward and opened his car door for her. It almost brought tears to her eyes for him to do something like that. "Thanks."

"No problem, milady. Anything for you." He watched her cheeks turn red as she moved into the car. He filled up with pride and quickly swung around into the driver's seat. "Well, to the roller rink, and let's try teaching you to skate on those shoes." They decided on the roller skates rather than going for roller blades, considering Valerie's inability to skate all that well.

"Do whatever you like, Jonah. I wouldn't mind just being…" She stopped herself and looked away, her face became redder than before. Jonah raised his eyebrow. "I wouldn't mind just being held…to be honest…"

"I understand." He could do that for her, he wanted to be there for her in every way he could be. So much had been going on lately, it would be nice just to hold on to each other and take a pause. "I think that'll be just fine."

When they made it to the roller rink, they indeed held on to each other. Jonah was doing decently at the skating, but it had been a few years since he put anything on. He and Valerie were simply swaying from side to side on the skates, she was leaning back against his chest and he had his arms around her waist. She was looking down at the floor nervously. "Whatever you do, don't let go. I do _not_ want to be crashing on the floor."

"I got you, I won't let you fall." He loved this feeling, holding her in his arms, protecting her. She was warm, gentle, but fragile at the same time. She was getting stronger still, and he was immensely proud of her for that. She leaned her head back above his heart. He smiled, his face turning red. He hoped she didn't look up to see him blushing. "You know, Olivia has been teasing the heck out of me these days." Valerie closed her eyes and put her hands on his hands, holding tightly to his fingers.

"Oh she has? Why's that?"

"Because it took me so long to ask you out, I think." Valerie laughed. He blushed a bit more and closed his eyes. "My family's nuts."

"They're good people though."

"I think I prefer your family over mine, but I don't think I'd trade any of my relatives in. Except maybe my dad." Valerie raised an eyebrow and glanced up at him, smirking subtly. Jonah had been amazed when that guy from his father's past had been arrested. When Michael found out about it, he _did_ suffer through a panic attack, but he didn't lash out against anyone, fortunately. Jonah peered down at Valerie and smiled at her. "Then again, Dad's doing a lot better than he used to."

"Everyone is. I feel bad for Sam and Freddie right now, but I think she's starting to come around." He nodded and slowly moved his heel to the side, making them turn to the right. Valerie lifted her eyebrows and sighed as she melted more into his arms. "This is really nice, Jonah. Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome." He gave her a light squeeze, hugging her, and she squeezed his hand in response. They went on to skate in silence for a few minutes, just thinking about everything that had been going on recently. They didn't fear Rodney quite as much, but they still worried that he was around. Carly managed to somehow help all of them, which was amazing. "You know, I have to hand it to Carly…I never thought she'd do the things she's done. At least not for me." Valerie looked up at him and he stared ahead. "I guess she's a better person than I used to think she was…"

"She's changed a lot, everyone has. I never pictured Sam and Freddie would date, you know. When I dated Freddie, those two seemed to always be going at it." Jonah laughed and grinned brightly.

"More than you _know_."

"Do you think he would have ever hurt her back then?" He pressed his lips together and frowned. From what he knew of Freddie, there was no chance of it, but at the same time, he certainly was capable if he wanted to. However, that was the kicker, if he wanted to he would have, and he's never _wanted_ to hurt her.

"No. I don't believe that. As long as I've known him, he's never even acted like that. He's not a violent person."

"Good. Now as for Carly…" Jonah raised an eyebrow and Valerie turned around in his arms. She put her arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes. His cheeks started to burn and her lips played at a smirk. "Blushing?" He exhaled and turned his head to the side.

"You caught me"

"Nice to see." She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "Anyway, I was just thinking…Carly's done all this for everyone. She's helped me, helped you, Spencer, Freddie, Sam, Beck…what about her?"

"What do you mean? Returning the favor?"

"Yeah…there must be _something_ we could do to pay her back for everything." He didn't have any clues as to what would possibly ail Carly. Freddie and Sam would know more, but then, Carly was more secretive when it came to her life than anyone else was. Chances were, nobody would know of her troubles. "Everyone has something they struggle with, right? Surely she's got something…"

"I'm pretty sure she does, but as for what that would be, I have no clue. I _still_ don't talk much to her."

"Yeah. I've been hanging out with her and with Sam now for a while, but she never talks about herself. At least, not her past. I've even asked Sam, she says that Carly's never brought much up about problems. Hell, Sam even thinks Carly might not have _any_ issues." He hummed slightly and shrugged his shoulders. Thinking back to all the times he's seen Carly, through everything, there's always been a specific look in her eyes. It's extremely difficult to see, Freddie was the first to point it out, but if you stare into her eyes long enough, you do see a bit of sadness.

"You think she's not happy with her life?"

"Her dad's overseas, she lives with an older brother who is now finishing up Law School and is engaged to Sasha, chances are he'll be getting a new home soon enough, and their mother is…out of the picture. I'm sure she's bound to have something." He wondered about Carly's mom, she never talked about the woman. At least, not that Sam or Freddie ever said. There was one time that Freddie could remember, Marissa told Spencer to do something and he lashed out at her, proclaiming that she wasn't his mother.

"There may be something to that…" He certainly didn't want to ask, Carly might not like the intrusion. If no one knew about the woman, there was likely a good reason for that. If they located the woman, would there be an issue with that? Did Carly have these same thoughts or worries when she was going about helping her friends out? Most likely. "What are the chances of things ending badly if any of us try to return the favor and help her out?"

"Oh, I don't know, I just feel like I want to do _something_ for her. Either way, we can worry about it later, I just want to enjoy this moment…" She pulled herself close to him and he tightened his embrace around her, gazing softly into her eyes. "I can't remember a time I've been so happy to be in someone else's arms, you know…I feel safe with you."

"You are safe with me." He spoke softly, lovingly. He wanted to be able to promise her the world. "I'll never let anything happen to you." Her cheeks started to redden and her lips curled up into a smile.

"I know you won't. I trust you…" His heart swelled, maybe ten sizes, for her to trust him, he knew meant a lot. He wouldn't let her down, there was no way he could let her down. His eyes were locked with hers, he saw a particular gleam that pulled him in. She truly was happy, and it was _him_ making her happy. He never thought he'd make anyone happy in his life, in all honesty.

"I'm still new to dating, can you tell?" He chuckled nervously and Valerie slowly shook her head.

"No, I can't tell at all. Why do you ask?" He pressed his lips together and breathed in. He eyed her rosy cheeks and traced her lips with his eyes, then trailed up along her cute nose and back towards her soft, brown gaze. She was leaning so close to him, he could feel her heartbeat. Could she feel his? "Is there something on your mind?" He felt the rush of her warm breath upon his face, tantalizing him.

"Yeah, I'm definitely new. There is something, I'm just a little nervous about asking."

"So say it…"

"I feel like…" Damn, where did his confidence go? He used to be so cool and collected, but then again, he'd never really felt this way about any girl before. "This is a first for me, first time I've felt this way about anyone, but…I think, no, I do, I want to kiss you…would it be okay if I did?" Her lips formed a circle and her face turned a shade of red, her body relaxed and her lips slowly closed and curved upwards.

"You don't have to ask…I don't think I'd be all that good, though." Just go for it. That was what was going through his mind.

"So, it'd be your first kiss too?"

"Pretty much."

"It's kind of embarrassing just talking about the specifics." He could hear Freddie calling him an idiot in his mind. Not wanting to kill the mood any longer, he slowly leaned forward, closing his eyes. Valerie leaned in as well, meeting his lips halfway. His heart burst and the floor turned to air beneath his feet.

After a few seconds, they pulled apart and continued to gaze into each other's eyes, saying nothing, only letting their smiles speak for them. Valerie locked her arms around his neck and slowly rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. They were afraid to speak, to ruin the powerful silence between them. Their hearts seemed to mesh together, to beat simultaneously, forming one strong rhythm. Valerie was the first to break the silence, speaking so softly that Jonah was almost certain it could contest with the wings of a butterfly. "That was new, I've never felt that before…"

"Me either, actually."

"So, maybe this is our fresh start? No more being hurt…"

"No more hurting." He was falling, and fast, but that was a good thing. He truly cared for her, more than he thought he could ever care for someone. Freddie used to tell him, one day he'd find someone that he could love and she'd love back, that one day he'd find someone he could truly be happy with. One day he could be safe and happy. It used to be, he doubted Freddie on that, but now he saw, Freddie had been right all along. He loved this girl. There was no way he was going to mess this up. He'd finally found that person.

But now he had reason to fear Rodney, he had reason to fear Rodney taking her from him, or doing something. No, he wouldn't think about Rodney, not now. He wouldn't fear the asshole, not now. Not when his world, his life, was finally coming together. He wouldn't let anyone or anything shake him from this high. He couldn't. She was right, this was truly their fresh start.

* * *

><p>Oh la la, Jonah and Valerie are looking to the stars now. Also, you're going to ignore the fact that I just said that, or <em>else<em>. XD.


	55. School Confrontation

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 55 (School Confrontation)<p>

"How was the date?" Freddie asked while walking down the school hall with Jonah, he looked to Jonah and smirked. "You do realize you're practically glowing, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jonah tucked his hands into his pockets and stared ahead at the window in the distance. He knew Freddie had known him long enough to see right through him, but hell, that didn't mean he was going to openly admit to what the guy just now told him. "Glowing? I wouldn't say I'm glowing. Happy? In good spirits? Yes. Glowing, no." Freddie laughed and elbowed him in the ribs. He let out a grunt and breathed in sharply.

"So tell me what happened. What's so special about the date? I'm guessing neither of you got on those skates and fell down, so obviously something more entertaining must have happened." Jonah cleared his throat as they stopped in front of his locker. He opened it and tossed his backpack into the locker. Freddie leaned back against the locker next to him and crossed his arms. "Speaking of whom, look who's headed this way." He lifted his eyebrow and looked back to see Valerie walking towards them. She had the brightest smile and her eyes were dazzling. Her face held a rose tinted glow and her hair seemed to float with her every step. Sam and Carly were with her, but she really took the scene, at least for him. Sam looked to the girls and waved at them before heading off into another direction. Freddie let out a discouraged sigh and titled his eyes skyward. "And of course, she doesn't stop to say hi to me."

"Sorry bro…" Valerie stopped in front of Jonah and locked her eyes with his, smiling gently. "Hey Val, how's it going?"

"Pretty good, I just thought I'd come see you before class. I was hoping to talk to you a little about your first aid class. A couple of the girls wanted to make something for everyone there, do you have any ideas what might be good?"

"I don't know, maybe cupcakes." He rubbed his chin and Valerie scrunched her face in thought. Cupcakes would definitely be good, one or two per student taking the CPR class. "Is it for the finals?"

"Sort of. We're all doing a group project. As for the actual finals, in the cooking class we have to make something _really good_. I'm not sure what, but I was thinking of making an Italian Cassata. It's basically a sponge cake with fruit juices and layered with ricotta cheese, candied peel, and chocolate or vanilla filling. Kind of like cannolis. It's covered with a marzipan shell, some icing and nice designs, topped with candied fruit kind of like cherries and citrus fruits of Sicily." Jonah's eyebrow rose and his stomach started to growl.

"I'm going to stop you there, you're making me hungry. And it's not even lunchtime yet." She laughed and relaxed her body, taking her hand in his. She leaned close to him and kept her eyes locked with his. Freddie watched curiously, smiling at the two. "You're going to do great on your final, Val. Think I can get some of that cassata when you make it?"

"I'll save you a slice. You're going to do great on all your finals too."

"Well if I have you on my side, how can I go wrong?" She blushed and quickly leaned forward, pecking his lips. He sighed and his cheeks became red. She wished him luck and hurried off to class. Freddie closed his eyes and cleared his throat, bringing Jonah back to reality.

"Did she just kiss you?"

"Yes..." He closed his locker and started walking. Freddie quickly followed after him, demanding details. After a minute, he gave in to his friend's badgering. "I took her to the roller rink, we held onto each other for a bit, talked, and then kissed. That was all…" Freddie stared at him skeptically and Jonah continued walking, trying to ignore his friend's gaze.

"It finally happened, didn't it…" Freddie lowered his voice to a whisper and chuckled. Jonah stopped walking and glanced back, watching carefully as his brother smirked triumphantly. "You've fallen in love with her. I _told_ you it would happen one day, and it happened, you met that one girl that could actually make you happy. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll shut up." Jonah's lips curled into a subtle smirk. He thought up the perfect counter to Freddie's remark. Though he was right, and there really was nothing wrong with that. Nor was there any sense in denying the truth, he had nothing to hide. He didn't want to go too fast, though.

"Well I don't care if you're right, I still want you to shut up."

"So you admit I'm right. Or at least, you're not denying anything."

"Well why would I deny-" Suddenly he felt someone shove him, catching him off guard. He landed on the ground with a painful thud. What the hell just hit him? Had people started to think he'd become too soft? Were they starting to push him around again? He opened his eyes and saw Rodney pounce on him, straddling his waist and gripping his shirt collar. Freddie looked ready to strike, but he was holding back just in case.

"Quit messing with my girl, it's a _simple_ thing to understand, isn't it!" Rodney sprayed Jonah with a mist of saliva. Sweat dripped down his nose and his eyes burned with a fire darker than before imagined. Jonah scrunched his brow and Freddie growled. "I warned you to stay away from her! You just don't like to _listen_, do you?" This guy had some guts to attack him in the middle of school grounds where everyone could see him.

"Get off me, you crazy freak." He pushed Rodney off with a hard shove and stood up, dusting off his clothes. He pulled a cloth from his jacket and wiped his face, groaning in disgust. "Next time say it, don't spray it." Rodney got up and pointed an accusing finger, growling dangerously. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose was running. The dude may have taken a shot of heroin before coming to school. "I don't have time for this…"

"That's your last warning. You keep your fucking hands off her or else!"

"Or else _what_?"

"Oh I think you _know_ what." Jonah raised an eyebrow and started to speak, though he wasn't sure what to say. Freddie roared and lunged forward, grabbing Rodney around the collar. He pushed Rodney to the wall and glared into his eyes.

"You think you can just jump us in the middle of school, bastard druggie?" Freddie asked in a quiet voice. Rodney's eyes widened and Jonah quickly ran for Freddie, hoping to grab him off before anyone saw him. "You may have just totally fried my relationship with Sam, I'm not letting you ruin anything else. You hear me, motherfucker? You're not ruining _anything_ else!"

"Freddie! He's not worth it!" Jonah locked his arms under and over Freddie's, pulling him away from Rodney. Freddie struggled to get free, so Jonah put a strong foot back, holding himself in place. "Not worth it, Freddie. Not worth it."

"Aw come on…"

"Freddie!" Freddie sighed in defeat as Jonah looked around, people were starting to gather. Rodney's chest heaved and his glare fell upon the two men. Freddie seemed spent, he'd just lashed out in front of the school, which showed just how aggressive he was. This could not be a good thing. "Just take a deep breath and relax…" Rodney pressed his palms tightly against the wall and started shifting his head from side to side, as if he were growing paranoid about something.

"I'm going to get you, both of you. Watch your backs! You'd better, you're going to regret everything!" Jonah rolled his eyes as Rodney ran off. After Freddie cooled off, he relaxed. Freddie jerked himself free and sighed as people began walking away.

"Damn it!" Freddie punched the wall and turned around to Jonah. "That guy really pisses me off."

"I know."

"Sorry about lashing out like that…I don't like him going after my friends."

"I know. I had that handled though…let's just get to class, man." He put his arm around Freddie's shoulder and started walking off. Fortunately he'd not seen Sam, so she wouldn't have seen that outburst. If she had, that could have been devastating. "So, Freddie, Valerie and I were talking about something at our date the other night…"

"Yeah?"

"You know how Carly's been going around, helping everyone?" Freddie nodded his head and looked off to the side. Students were staring at him and whispering to one another. Jonah sighed and shook his head. The terrible thing was, Freddie still had another year of their ridicule to deal with. "Ignore them."

"I'll try. Anyway, what about Carly?"

"We were wondering if maybe there was something we could do for her. Maybe help her out with something that troubles her or something." Freddie arched an eyebrow and chuckled absently.

"Dude, not even _Sam_ knows what troubles that girl. How do you think I'd know anything? She's pretty damn private."

"Yeah, that's what Valerie said…maybe something to do with her mother?"

"I've never heard her talk about the woman." Jonah was well aware that when someone _didn't_ want to talk about something, it probably meant it bothered them. So if she never told anyone about the woman, then maybe there was something more to that. "You might have something there. What would we do, though?"

"Well, use iCarly to make contact or something. If it's something to do with her mother, I'm sure she's got questions. Maybe 'why' would be one of those. I know if it _is_ her mother, she probably wouldn't tell either of us."

"She'd talk to Sam, probably…I mean, they can relate on that issue, if that's the case." The only trick now, was getting Sam to talk to Freddie. That, definitely, did not bode well. Freddie took a deep breath as he and Jonah stepped in front of their first class. "Well here we go, starting up the day. Glad you and Val had a great date, by the way."

"Thanks man."

"What's your plan for the next?"

"Not sure. We'll come up with something…" He felt the eyes of the students in the halls watching him, watching Freddie. He could just hear them muttering beneath their breaths, trying to make heads or tails with the confrontation with Rodney just a bit ago. It wasn't any of their business, but hell, they'd never quite understand that. He'd be happy to be rid of them. "Right now, I just want to get done with my finals, graduate, and get the hell out of this school."

"Yeah, I'm with you there man. I am with you there…" The two brothers laughed and started inside the classroom. Just a few more days until school was out, and both of them were looking forward to it.

* * *

><p>Damn Rodney, guess we can't forget about him. So, they want to plan something for Carly, eh? Well, keep readin', there's only ten more chapters left from this point.<p> 


	56. Not Going Anywhere

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 56 (Not Going Anywhere)<p>

Jonah stood in front of the elder Travis's home, tapping his foot gently on the sidewalk. He'd commissioned the help of Freddie and Sam, unbeknownst to them, to help him with a bit of the yard work and the animals. Travis had five dogs, he wanted to give them all good homes one day, since they were all rescued animals, but he'd grown increasingly fond of them that he just couldn't part with them.

The dog Jonah liked the best was the German Shepherd named Beast, which was a contrast to the dog's personality by far. The dog was sweet, loveable, loyal to the bone, and always playful. There was a beagle that was cute, not as protective, but always trying to climb into someone's lap. That one was named Sandy. Then there was the cocker spaniel named Lady, an almost regal pup that was the calmest dog there, she always enjoyed curling up and cuddling. There was a chocolate lab named Saturn, it enjoyed running around the yard and catching whatever was thrown for him. The last one was a golden retriever named Shadow, perhaps a slightly older dog that always enjoyed an adventure. They made for great pets, but one yell of a yard job.

Valerie had been over once, Lady would not stop climbing in her lap, then when Jonah would sit down, Beast seemed to rush up to his side. It was amusing, and a bit uncanny. Now, Sam and Freddie would get to meet the kind old man and all of his dogs. That was, if they showed up, and if they didn't run off when they saw each other. In part, he wanted them to try and _talk_, to get over this thing that was in between them. If it hadn't even been for Rodney, they wouldn't be in this situation. But the one thing he had to admit Rodney was probably right about, even if he didn't intend for it to come across that way, was Sam had to know she could trust Freddie. She had to be able to trust him, just as Valerie trusted Jonah. They could do everything together, but if there was no trust, it was null and void.

He looked in the distance to his right and saw Freddie walking down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets. He had a faded brown shirt and old faded jeans. Freddie kicked a pebble across the street and gave Jonah a quick smile. "Hey man, this the place?"

"Yep." Freddie looked at the house and nodded his head. The home was a small two story brick home with a large backyard. Jonah couldn't wait to see his friends' reactions when they saw how messed up the yard was. "I want your help with cleaning up the house and yard. He has five dogs, all that he rescued at some point of time."

"So you're saying that yard's going to be pretty messed up?" He nodded in response and Freddie sighed with defeat. "Such a nice looking home too. I guess that explains why you had me wear this old get up." He folded his arms over and looked past Jonah, his face froze in surprise when he spotted something of interest. Jonah glanced over and smirked, Sam was walking up to them. "Whoa, you invited-"

"What's Freddie doing here?" Sam asked, her voice in a whisper. Jonah put his hands to their backs and closed his eyes, holding his smirk.

"I can't help clean this house up without you two. I want you to start in the back." Freddie and Sam stared at him with narrow eyes, perhaps they were scheming to get him back for throwing this surprise on them, and they probably would, but he wasn't too overly concerned. "Let's go guys. I know you two are going through a little rift, but you need to learn to work through your problems anyway, not avoid each other…it just isn't healthy." Sam rolled her eyes and started towards the door, Freddie and Jonah followed after. "Now Sam, something you should know. There are five friendly and loveable dogs in there, so the minute you step in, you may or may not be tackled by a mob of fur." Sam's lips fell into a scowl and she slowly turned her glare upon him. He chuckled and walked past her. "What?"

"Mark my words Jonah, I _will_ get you back for this." He laughed and rang the doorbell. The house was filled with barking animals. As they waited for Travis to answer the door, Jonah took notice of Sam's shirt. It was a raggedy old shirt with the image of a pistol on it. He blinked and turned his eyes back to the door, he was starting to notice a gun present every time he was hanging around the old man, it was strange.

The door opened and Travis stood, gazing at them with a bright smile. "Jonah, it is good to see you." Jonah waved and smiled at the man.

"You too, sir."

"You and your friends come on inside." Travis looked back and started telling his dogs to move back, they were surrounding the door. He stepped to the side and Jonah walked in with Sam and Freddie. He was impressed with how good of a sport Sam was, he half expected her to run off when she saw Freddie. Then again, she usually went through with whatever task was given to her, no matter who was around.

The German Shepherd came trotting up to Jonah and put his paws up at his waist, barking happily. Jonah leaned over and pet the dog's head. He looked over to see Sam already being commissioned for a belly rub with Shadow. Freddie moved over and began running his hand along Beast's back. "I love dogs, they're so a calming…"

"I think that's why God made dogs." He leaned up and looked over to Travis. "So what's my task? I have them cleaning out the backyard." Travis rubbed his chin as Sam and Freddie stood from the ground and stared at each other.

"Well, I do need someone to vacuum all the rooms…I'll give you ten dollars per room." Jonah's eyebrows rose and he pressed his lips together, he didn't ask for money. Especially not that much, there were nine rooms in the house.

"You don't have to-"

"I insist. It is the least I can do." He sighed and looked to Sam and Freddie, he could always split the cost with them. It was thirty dollars each. A smile curved on his face and he pointed his thumb through the kitchen to the right.

"All right guys, the doors to the backyard are through there. Follow me…" The group moved through the kitchen and out onto the back patio, which was covered as though it were a screen room. Sam and Freddie took one look at the yard and practically screamed, there was dog crap _everywhere_. "Trash bags in the kitchen under the sink, I believe." Travis nodded and pat the frozen couple on their shoulders.

"If you'll pick all that up, I'll mow the lawn when you're done. I'm going to be working on the front while you guys work on all this." The trio agreed and everyone split off to their own tasks. They weren't sure how long it would take, but with a large yard as big as this one was, it was sure to take some amount of time. Jonah felt a bit guilty leaving the two of them to that task, but after all this drama coming from them, it was all that he could think to do to get them talking.

After an hour, Sam and Freddie were _still _picking up the dog crap. They hadn't said much at all to each other, but that was slowly getting old. Freddie tried to talk to her, but Sam would just clam up. They had plastic bags over their hands and one large trash bag each to throw the mess in. To make matters worse, it was a hot summer day, so not only were they picking up dog shit, they were picking up warm _mushy_ dog shit.

Freddie looked up and saw Sam leaning against the cylinder they were using to throw the used trash bags in. Sweat was shimmering from her body and her hair stuck to her skin. Her clothes were a bit muddied, which clearly meant she'd be taking a shower later on. He was actually turned on in this moment, but he didn't want her to know that. Or did he? He smiled as she looked over at him. "What are you staring at?"

"You." He had no problems with being completely open and honest. She raised an eyebrow and he straightened his posture. "You're still beautiful."

"Thanks. Your step brother is an evil ass for putting us out here." He laughed and looked up to the house.

"I'll just make him work on more of the farm when we get back there." Though Jonah actually didn't mind the labor work, so it might not work. He shook his head and met Sam's eyes. "Sam…I'm really sorry. For everything." She looked over at him and frowned. His heart sank down as he thought of all the drama that had been going on. "Rodney, Quincy, everything…none of this should have happened. I know what Rodney told you, and I'm not going to sit here and tell you he was wrong or he was right…I will tell you, who I am right now, I'm not the way he said I was. Not anymore."

"I know…" Her eyes flicked off to the side and her chest slowly rose. "I just needed some time away from it all. I don't want you to think I hate you or anything." She moved her gaze back to his. He flinched and sighed.

"You've been avoiding me at every turn.'

"And I'm sorry. You know…I still deal with having to worry about Rodney following my family around…We all do. Carly, Spencer, Valerie…it's just getting old. I want it to stop, I want everything to stop, so I can enjoy my time with my family without worrying about something bad happening. Then, I don't want to lose you because of aggressions or anything. I can't stand that thought. I love you, and the thought of Rodney taking you, or anyone else I care about, kills me." A chill wind brushed across his face and he slowly moved over to Sam. His heart pounded briskly and Sam stared at him with a wry smile. "I don't want you touching me with those hands right now…"

"These?" He chuckled and lifted his hands up. Granted they had bags tied around their hands, they still wanted to clean up afterwards. He lowered his arms and continued to gaze strongly into her eyes. "Sam, you're not going to lose me. You're not going to lose anyone else, I promise you. Rodney _will_ be caught eventually."

"But at what _price_?" She stomped her foot on the ground and her eyes narrowed in anger. "Does someone have to get hurt before he's caught? Do people have to fear him before he gets caught?" Granted he already had everyone fearing him, no one was quite hurt. "He's insane and somehow he's kept his distance from the police. I was trying to avoid all this drama until it was over, but he's still out there and I can't even…" She stopped for a breath and closed her eyes. Freddie felt horrible, for the first real time, he was seeing the fear and pain inside her. Rodney really _had_ gotten to her. Not just Rodney, but everything. She needed someone to protect her, and with his aggressive nature, going after Rodney could get _him_ hurt, or killed. Was that what she was worried about? The men in her life always leaving, always getting hurt, but never focusing on how she felt? He took a deep breath and started to lift his hand, but putting it down as quickly as he remembered it was still covered in filth.

"Sam, you're not going to lose me. I'm not going _anywhere_." She lifted her eyes toward him and closed her hands tightly. "I promise you that. Once you've got me, you've got me. I'm not going to let you get hurt. I know a lot of guys out there have hurt you, Sam…I know you've been let down by a lot of people, but I'm not like them. I promise you that. You don't have to avoid me, you don't have to be afraid of that. I love you, now and always, and I don't let down those I love. I'm not saying there won't be a time or two that I screw up royally, there will be, but I _am _saying one thing for a fact: Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I love you." He watched as she almost contemplated his words. A smile slowly curled at her lips and her fingers seemed to fidget together.

"I love you too…I'd kiss you, but…" She lifted her hands up and chuckled nervously. Freddie smiled at her and stepped forward, taking her hands in his and locking them together. Her eyebrows rose and he shrugged his shoulders.

"They're only plastic bags."

"True…" His heart slammed his chest as he leaned forward and kissed her lips. She moaned and kissed back. It was good to feel this after such a long time. After a few seconds, they parted and continued to gaze into each other's eyes. "So then…are we back together?"

"I certainly hope so. It's up to you."

"Okay." She grinned and kissed his lips once more, then bounced back, eyeing the ground. "I think we need to finish up this work."

"Yeah, then maybe get cleaned up afterwards."

Inside, gazing out of the second story window, Jonah watched his friends with a smile. He had the vacuum in his right hand and five of the dogs were circled around him with their heads cocked to the side. He looked away with pride and smirked at the dogs. "Well, I think they're back together." He stopped and blinked as his thumb played on the button to turn on the vacuum. "And here I am, talking to dogs. What am I, Dr. Doolittle?" The dogs barked and ran off as he turned on the vacuum, he was only halfway done with all the fur covered rooms.

All in all, this had still been a good day.

* * *

><p>Yes Jonah, they agree, you are Dr. Doolittle! Well guys, Sam and Freddie are back together, with a little bit of help from Jonah. I hope you've enjoyed the chapter.<p> 


	57. A Daughter, Forsaken

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 57 (A Daughter Forsaken)<p>

Carly sifted through the mail and stopped when she saw a particular envelope with her name on it. Her heart sank as she eyed the words _return to sender_. Her face tightened as she read the postman's mark on the envelope stating the recipient 'could not be found'. She knew it was a boldfaced lie. Anytime she tried to send her mother _anything_, it _always_ came back. She threw the letter on the counter and rubbed her temples, leaning forward on her stool and groaning. Spencer walked up behind her and put his hand to her back, talking quietly.

"What's wrong, Carly?" She lifted her shoulders and Spencer trailed his eyes to the envelope. His lips fell into a frown as Carly turned her gaze up at him. Why didn't the woman even want to acknowledge her? All she wanted to do was keep in touch with the woman, to tell her how things were going, but the woman just didn't care. "She didn't reply again, huh?"

"Not like I should be surprised." She hopped off her stool and started for the stairs, brushing past Spencer. She really didn't want to talk to him about the whole thing. She heard him say something, but ignored him and moved up to her bedroom. There wasn't anything she could work on, but at the same time, she didn't think there was anything that could distract her from her thoughts. She flopped on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Now that she'd turned iCarly around, what else was there left for her to do? Maybe she could use iCarly to reach out to more people.

No. What was the purpose of going through life like this, trying to do the best she can and dip into politics just to try and make her mother proud of her. Her mother was involved in politics the last she heard, she thought perhaps the woman became a mayor, or at least on the school board, she couldn't remember. Either way, the woman wouldn't give a damn about whether or not she became a politician. She put her arms over her eyes and sighed as she tried in vain to think of anything besides that bitch they called her mom.

_Seven year old Carly Shay just got an A on a written, second grade essay that she'd written about her favorite relative. She was rushing home to show it to her mother, she just knew the woman would love it. Her mom was a great woman with curly brown hair and shimmering blue eyes, but had a stern and sharp wit that seemed to counter her kindly looks. _

_ "Mommy!" She yelled as she made her way to the front yard of their home. "Mommy, look what I did!" But as she neared the driveway, she stopped in her tracks. Her mother was getting into the car with a man that wasn't her daddy, and she was kissing him. She lowered her arms and felt her heart sting. "Mommy! Who's that? Where's daddy!" The woman turned her head towards her daughter and frowned, hastily rolling up the window. Confused, Carly started running towards the car. "Where are you going? Mommy, I have something to show you!"_

_ The man started up the car and backed up. Carly stopped running, if she hadn't, she would have been hit. Her eyes stung as she watched her mother rolling down the street, not even glancing back. Maybe she'd be back soon, maybe she just had a really important meeting to go to. She looked over to see Spencer and Steven walking up to her. "Brother? Daddy? Where's mommy going?" Her father's face grew hard like stone and he waved his hand dismissively in the air, walking away from them. "Daddy?" She looked to Spencer, who was shedding tears and averting her gaze. "Spencer, where's mommy going? Is she coming back?"_

_ "No…she's not."_

_ "What? But why? Was it something I did? I wrote this paper!" She waved the paper in the air and Spencer slowly took it from her. "I wrote it for her, I love mommy. Where's she going?"_

_ "I don't know. I'm sorry Carly…"_

_ "But I want her to read this…" She watched Spencer tuck the paper away in his pocket and slowly walk away, no words to say. What could he say to a young girl? She didn't understand what was going on. She turned and stared down the street, determined that she would wait for her mother, to see her again, to make her proud again._

_ "Mommy. When you come back, I know you'll be happy with me. I don't know what I did wrong to make you leave…but I'm going to fix that! I promise!"_

Carly's chest hurt as a tear fell from her eyes, she flipped over on her bed and yelled into her pillow. When the years went by and they'd never heard from her mom, when she got older, that was when she learned the bitter truth. She still never understood why she left, she had always blamed herself for it, even though Spencer always told her it wasn't her fault. Did she ever let anyone see her cry, though? No. She didn't want anyone knowing about her mom. They didn't need to know what ailed her. She just wanted to appear happy. She wasn't abused like Jonah or Valerie, she hadn't been hurting like Spencer had, she'd not had anger issues like Freddie, but maybe she was abandoned like Sam. At least, Sam knew why.

She looked over at the clock and exhaled softly, how long had she been dazing off for? She heard footsteps in the hall outside and slowly sat up, listening intently to the steps. They were soft and quiet, not heavy like Freddie's, so she assumed it was Sam. She almost didn't want to let the girl bother her, but at this point of time, she really didn't care.

The door opened and Sam walked inside. "Hey Carly…" Carly smiled at her and moved back against the wall. "I thought I'd let you know Freddie and I are back together and talking."

"I'm glad for you. I was starting to get a bit worried, you seemed lost without him. What got you to come around?"

"Jonah made us work together cleaning up the dog poop in one of his customer's yards." She winced and shook her head as Sam walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. She watched her friend stare at the wall, unusually quiet. She trailed her eyes to a folded piece of paper in Sam's hand, it seemed old and discolored, yet something else suspicious. "So Spencer said you were upset about something and I asked…" Her breathing stilled and her eyes widened sharply.

"Oh no."

"How come you never told me about your mother?" Sam looked at her with concern. Her lips sagged and her eyebrows rose. "It's just like my dad, I would have understood…"

"I know, but I don't like to burden people with unnecessary details about my life."

"We're best friends…but I understand how you feel. Just…I wish you told me about it." Carly shrugged and continued to eye the paper in Sam's hands. Sam followed her gaze and held up the paper. "This is a paper you wrote when you were seven years old…for your mom…"

"I'm surprised Spencer actually held onto that." Her eyes flicked to the side and her arms folded across her chest. "Not like it matters now, I'd probably trash it."

"Why? I think it's great!"

"It's junk now, Sam." She threw her legs off the bed and got up, trying desperately to ignore that paper in her hands. "Honestly, my mother wouldn't give me the time of day. If it were up to her, we'd not even be an afterthought in her eyes." She closed her hands and fought the urge to tear up. She had to be stronger than this, she couldn't show this emotion. "All I ever wanted to do was talk to her, ask her why she left us…" Sam stood behind her and put her hand on her shoulder, attempting to comfort her friend in the best way she could.

"It isn't your fault. Okay? I had to learn that when it came to dad. It isn't your fault at all."

"After all these years, you'd think it'd satisfy me to hear that." She wished she could hear it from the horse's mouth herself, but chances of that ever happening were slim as hell. "All I've ever wanted to do was make her proud, that's what iCarly was all about to begin with. I think somewhere deep inside, I wanted Mom to see how I am like _now_, to see how much I've grown, but who am I kidding? She probably doesn't even care."

"Don't say that. There's no way to know how she feels…" Carly's voice flattened and she turned to Sam, gazing with mild annoyance.

"The woman abandoned us when I was seven, the guy she ran off nearly ran me over and she didn't so much as bat an eyelash. You want to tell me that she would ever care?"

"Okay, maybe not…" Carly shook her head and started to leave her bedroom, Sam followed after her. She hated talking about this subject, there was nothing to interest her here. "So…"

"Moving on from that. What should we do for iCarly this week? Any ideas?" Sam rubbed her finger beneath her lip and stared at Carly for a second before tailing her down the stairs. Carly looked back at her with arched eyebrows. "I'm kind of out of ideas."

"Actually, let me host it this week." Carly pressed her lips together and sighed. What did she care if Sam hosted iCarly for once? It would be nice not to be the idea generator for once, especially not with this crabby mood she was in.

"Fine, if that's what you want, I'm all for it."

"Great!" Yet, all she could wonder, was what the hell she just got herself into. Sam was scheming, she could tell, but she didn't really care. "I'll have Freddie come up with some ideas for iCarly."

"Sure…I'd be interested to see what you guys come up with." So long as it wasn't anything she would regret.

* * *

><p>Hmm, suspicious. We've learned a couple things about Carly's past, and now we know what ails her.<p> 


	58. Good Date, Bad News

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 58 (Good Date, Bad News)<p>

Sam, Freddie, Jonah, and Valerie sat around a table at the local Applebees, they were having their first double date. They'd been there for a little while, felt like they were being watched, but couldn't find anything to support that thought. Although it was possible, considering Rodney was still around. They were discussing the recent encounter Sam had with Carly, and what they could do about it. They were also discussing something that Beck told Sam that was going on at Hollywood Arts. Someone had stole the face mask material from the school. No one knew why anyone would steal that, unless they wanted to put on a realistic face mold and slip in somewhere. It wasn't important enough to them to worry about it.

"Anyway, the address on that envelope tells us where Mrs. Shay is," Sam stated while cutting her fish. "Not only that, her name is Mrs. Sharon Walker now. I did a search for her phone number, she used to be the mayor of Tallahassee, Florida. I got her number, got the feed for her camera, but how would we get her to stick around?" Jonah tapped his chin and looked over at Freddie, trying to decide if there was anything he could do. There was probably nothing technical he could control from here. Freddie took a sip of his iced tea. He set the glass down and tapped his fingers on the table.

"I have a cousin down in Florida who happens to be a reporter. I could talk to them about holding the woman down, not necessarily physically, and then we could do a web feed and get Carly to talk to her." It sounded like a good idea, as long as the woman let the cousin in willingly, there was nothing really that she could do. She'd have to talk to Carly once they she saw her.

"I'm sure your cousin could think of something, but what do we do with Carly?" Jonah asked. He was having a salad. He stabbed his lettuce and tomato, then brought it up to his mouth. After taking a moment to swallow, he wiped his mouth and continued on with his point. "What will she do when she sees her mother?"

"Probably freeze up…"

"Who knows…it'll be you two that have to deal with it, I still have this thing against appearing on iCarly." Freddie laughed and Jonah raised an eyebrow. Valerie gave him a coy smile while Sam merely shook her head. "What? I still don't like iCarly, so what? I'm sure there are plenty of people that don't like the show…" He couldn't _think_ of anyone, but he was almost certain there were. Freddie smirked and picked up his fork.

"You can hate all you want, but at the end of the day, _I_ know you still find iCarly even _remotely_ amusing."

"You have no proof."

"We're best friends, brothers, about to be step brothers, and you think I have no proof?" Freddie's eyebrow rose and Jonah gave a sigh of defeat, of course Freddie would know whether or not he found it amusing. It didn't mean that he _liked_ the show, he just thought some of the skits they did were amusing, that was all. "I know you don't like the show, and you don't have to be there when we do it, but at least give us the satisfaction of knowing that it does make you laugh sometimes." He moved his eyes to the side and lifted a finger.

"I do find the cowboy and farm girl skits funny." He wasn't sure June found them funny, but hell, that was her. Sam chuckled to herself and Freddie reached up to pat Jonah for his courageous admission.

"Good job Jonah, I'm glad you admitted that." He narrowed his eyes and smirked, turning his head to Freddie.

"One day Freddie, I'm going to get you for this."

"There's not a doubt in my mind that you will. I'll be ready, though." Sam and Valerie looked at each other with bemused expressions. Valerie took a bite of her food and swallowed.

"Sam, our boyfriends are crazy." Sam laughed and agreed. As Valerie paused, Jonah raised his eyebrows and glanced at her with a knowing smirk. They'd not moved to the boyfriend-girlfriend status quite yet. She saw him looking at her and felt a red tint on her cheeks. "Did I say boyfriend? I meant Freddie's crazy, but uh…" She chuckled nervously.

"So does that mean we can consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, Val? I mean, if you'd have me, I'd love to be your boyfriend."

"Well I think my family would approve." Her reply was coy and bashful. Sam and Freddie watched with eager eyes as Valerie met Jonah's eyes with a smile. "I'd love to be your girlfriend, though. So, if you _want_, you could be my boyfriend."

"I'd love that. I know I'd treat you right."

"Yeah, you would." She brought her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes, smiling happily. "Boyfriend. Mine." His heart burst with joy, so much that he could leap onto the table and dance a few steps. He wasn't going to do that, but it was definitely tempting to. Sam took a drink of her water and grinned.

"You two are so sweet together." Jonah smiled and put his arm around Valerie's waist. She cuddled close to him and breathed in. "I think it's amazing how you two found each other. Men like Jonah and Freddie, hard to come by." Valerie nodded.

"Definitely. We got lucky." Jonah and Freddie met each other's joyful gazes, they were proud to have two women that cared about them so much. Jonah turned his eyes to the front doors and frowned when he saw someone who strongly resembled Rodney walking out the front doors. The odd thing was, someone else, appearing to be a waiter, was following him. Unbeknownst to Rodney, of course. He didn't want to ruin the moment by bringing it up, there was likely nothing to worry about. Besides, what was the worst thing Rodney could do right now?

After a few minutes of talking, they noticed Jade and Beck walking in, the two seemed upset about something. As they made their way to the table, Beck spoke first, with an uncertain tone. "I don't want to ruin your date, but we have some bad news." Jonah's lips tightened and Valerie's head rose from his shoulder.

"You may as well say it, what could be so bad? Is it LA?"

"Yeah, it involves Robbie." Great, that was not the name he wanted to hear right now. Although, he'd rather not hear about Rodney, more so, but either of the two boys he could do without. Nothing against Rodney, though, he had become a bit freaked by him due to seeing him in the last iCarly, via the webcams links. He saw Sam put her silverware down and stare at her brother with a dumbfounded look.

"As if that _wouldn't_ ruin a date. I don't think it will, but I'm just saying, can't it wait?"

"Probably, but you know, Andre and them said that Robbie was missing." They normally wouldn't even bring it up, but with the way things had been going, everyone wanted them to update them on the situation in LA. Valerie shifted in her seat and looked at the couple with concern. She wasn't bothered by hearing about Robbie, it wasn't him that hurt her, but she did have a strange feeling whenever she heard about him. "The Shapiro's are dead, guys." His jaw dropped and the others took a minute to absorb their shock. Things just got worse and worse for the family Rodney abandoned, didn't they?

"_What_? What do you mean they're dead?"

"I don't know, the cops said that the house had a lot of blood in almost every room. The mom, the dad, Robbie's grandparents, they'd all been stabbed to death. They said they're _pretty sure_ that Robbie might have been killed too, but they haven't found his body yet. The grandpa's body was half buried, so they think Robbie might have been buried too…" Valerie and Sam cupped their hands over their mouth and Freddie instantly began sipping his drink, attempting to distract himself from this conversation.

"My god...do they know who did it?"

"Andre said the postman and some accomplice were found at the scene. The postman didn't say anything at all, other than confessing to the crime, but the accomplice kept muttering something about 'the controller', probably referring to his boss. They're claiming to have killed Robbie and buried him somewhere else…"

"Jesus, it's just one thing after another."

"Yeah…" Beck looked down with guilty eyes and Jade rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry that we had to bring it up here, but we just got the news and Jade really wanted someone to talk to. I mean, the guy was our friend…"

"I know. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, have a seat," Sam said with a sad smile. She led Jade to her side and put her arm around her shoulders while Beck sat on the side with the guys. The two seemed gravely depressed, and rightfully so. It was hard not to be depressed when a close friend and their family were murdered, even if the family was full of psychos. Jade took a deep breath and exhaled, closing her eyes tightly.

"Normally I'm into stuff like this, but…it's just all too much."

"How bad was it?" Sam asked in a quiet voice. "I don't mean to make it sound less than it is, but…"

"I understand. It's just…I don't know…" Beck's face was hard and Jade's remained sullen. She wiped her forehead again and looked to be fighting back a tearful sob. "I don't want to talk about how bad it was. It was terrible, they were all mutilated…I don't know what kind of sick minded person would actually go as far as this one did, and that's coming from _me_."

"Yeah…"

Jonah looked to the windows and lifted his shoulders. Maybe it seemed hard that someone was capable of mutilating an entire family, but both he and Freddie were well aware through the police field and the military, it didn't take much for a person to get to that point. "Maybe someone who lost their soul, something like that. I mean that family was pretty sick, I wonder if they did something to that postman and his accomplice that would make them do that…probably couldn't take much to drive someone crazy enough to kill _that_ family off." At least _Rodney_ wouldn't have to worry about his family coming after him anymore.

"I don't want to think about this. Are you guys…are you guys doing anything after dinner?"

"We were all going to head to the arcade if you guys wanted to join us," Freddie offered with a subtle smile. Beck and Jade smiled back at him while the others nodded. Jonah thought it'd be a great idea, it would definitely help them take their mind off of things. "And then we were going to the movies to finish up the date. I don't think we would have a problem with turning this into a triple date, if you everyone wanted to." The others murmured their agreements and the couple instantly thanked them.

"Anything to get our minds off this whole thing," Beck said with a smile. He put his hand over Jade's, comforting her. Jonah and the others understood why, she was hit harder by this news than Beck, most likely because she only came here to follow him. He'd made peace with saying goodbye to his friends. Granted he was still hit hard, but she still clung to her friends and Hollywood Arts more than he did. So no matter what, they'd all have to do their part to keep her spirits up until she was ready to make peace with having left them all behind. "I just hope Robbie's okay…"

* * *

><p><em>Yeah<em>, let's _all_ hope Robbie's okay. After all, he can't be nearly as mentally screwed up as Rodney with the life and parents he's grown up with. Right? So otherwise a nice date, some bad news to potentially worry about in regards to Rodney and his family. It all makes me wonder, is Rodney's fear of his family coming after him justified? Could whoever killed his parents be after him? Hmm, your thoughts?


	59. Her Closure

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 59 (Her Closure)<p>

The day of iCarly came around and Carly was seated in her car chairs while Sam and Freddie stood in front of the camera with Gibby recording. They'd filled him in on everything that was going on and he was only sad that he'd not been the one going to this woman's house. "Okay, so what do you guys have planned?" Carly asked curiously. Sasha and Spencer were in the room as well, since Spencer had been asked to be there. Carly wasn't too sure about the idea of hosting the show at the angle pointing the camera towards her, but again, she wasn't hosting it.

Gibby started rolling and Sam started off. "This is iCarly, I'm Sam!" She threw her arms out in a dance-like cheer. Freddie laughed once and raised up his eyebrows.

"I'm Freddie, how's it going."

"Howl all you want ladies, but that hot stuff right there is _mine_." Carly chuckled and turned her head to the screen behind them. What was it doing down? She raised an eyebrow and stared suspiciously at the camera. Sam put her hand to Freddie's shoulder and met his eyes. "So, what does your brother say? Has the reporter contacted him yet?"

"Let me see." Carly's eyebrows rose as Freddie dialed Jonah's number. She listened, but he was talking so low that it was hard to hear. After a minute, he hung up and gave Sam a nod of approval. "He says they were texted, she's in and ready." Who was in? In where?

"Okay, well." Sam turned to the camera and rolled her head to the right, rubbing her neck. After she straightened herself and relaxed, she continued. "As you know, Carly's been helping everyone out with a bunch of our struggles, and we're eternally grateful for that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I should feel guilty for hosting this iCarly, because something tells me she would be shooting at a homeless shelter or something right about now." Carly chuckled and smiled briskly, that would have been a nice idea. Maybe a soup kitchen, even. It would be a great way to help raise support for them. She leaned forward and folded her arms on the car's hood. "Anyway, we decided to return the favor and help her out." Carly's eyes widened and her heart stopped. She slowly brought her fingertips to her forehead and moaned, seeing exactly here this was leading.

"There is no way…" She could pull the plug on this if she wanted to, it wouldn't be difficult to do. All she had to do was get up and say no to this, but what would she be sacrificing if she did that? Sam and Freddie looked back at her and she continued to gaze with a grim, uncertain expression. "You couldn't have..." If they honestly had her mother on the other line, then maybe it was a _good_ thing. Maybe not. Spencer looked at h der, concerned, and Sasha merely folded her hands over in her lap, possibly trying not to question what was going on. Of course, Spencer already told her enough about their mother, to the point that she probably didn't care much about the woman.

"Do you already have an idea where we're going with this? I mean, if you do, we can stop this and not go on…" She moved her eyes from Spencer and Sasha to Sam. She understood why they'd do this for her, after she'd helped them out, why wouldn't they want to do something like this. Though, in regards to her _mother_, she never even wanted to burden them with it, but it seemed that they didn't have an issue whatsoever with the fact. Maybe it was a good thing to have friends like them around. She smiled slightly, her heart racing fast enough to break the sound barrier, she lifted her hand and waved it off.

"I don't care. Do whatever, I want to see what you've got done…" Sam beamed for joy and flipped a button on, clicking the webcams on and showing an image on the screen. Carly's heart split in two as the image of her mother stabbed her eyes, it was almost too painful.

"Confound it, get away from my computer and out of my way!" Sharon exclaimed at the blonde haired woman standing in front of the door. Her brown curls were flying wildly over her shoulders as she pointed to the woman, who had just run from the computer to the door, which was practically one leap in reality. "I know I let you in to do a piece on my time as mayor, but I didn't say you could touch my web-" She froze and slowly looked to the screen. "Aw shit…" Carly's eyes stung and she quickly rose to her feet, glaring at her mother.

"Mom." She couldn't lose her cool, there was absolutely _no way_ she could lose her cool. Not here, not now. "I finally catch you…" Sam smirked as the woman quickly glared at her, attempting to put two and two together. There was nothing she could do, she was the one who let the reporter in.

"Now Mrs. Walker. Or should I say, Mrs. _Shay_." Sharon sucked the air through her teeth and clenched her hands tightly. "You're going to sit here and talk to your daughter, or that reporter there is going to dish out a hefty article on how you abandoned your family with another man, allowing him to nearly run over your seven year old daughter."

"That last part wasn't my fault, and he couldn't stop driving after that. Besides, I chastised him after driving off."

"It wasn't your fault? It wasn't your fault that your seven year old child blamed herself for your leaving? That she cried for the amount of time it took her to realize you were never coming back? Are you trying to tell me that wasn't _your_ fault? You're the one that left!" Sharon's face fell slightly and Carly turned her head to the side. There wasn't much she could do in the line of trying to dissuade everything going on. She wanted to forgive her mother, but it was so hard to do that. "Now I know a thing or two about what a person goes through when they lose a parent, but that has to do with my dad. Carly needed a mother, and whenever times came that she would have needed a mother for, needed _you_, you were _gone! _Without explanation!"

"Look, I'm sorry things just weren't working out, and I shouldn't have to answer to _you_."

"Oh you-"

"She's right, Sam." Carly walked next to Sam in a bit of a huff. Sam's eyebrows rose as she clenched her fists and glared at her mother. "You're answering to me, finally answering for all those letters, Christmas cards, and birthday cards that you sent _back_."

"I never got any of those…"

"Liar!" Sharon rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Her lips fell a bit and her eyes softened. "You were never there. You know how difficult it was for Spencer to explain the changes that I went through when I was a preteen? You know how hard it is to deal with having your father overseas and having to act like the mature sibling?" Spencer cleared his throat and Carly quickly slammed her foot on the ground. "I needed my mom. I always looked up to you, everything I ever did or wanted to do was for _you_, and you never even cared. You want to sit here and attempt to tell me you never got anything from me? Fine, feed me another lie!"

"I'm serious, I never got anything from you. You know how deeply embedded in politics I am. Jack has been my campaign manager ever since I 'left'."

"When I was seven years old, I actually wrote something for you. I came home that day, eager to show you what I wrote, I got an _A_ on it. My first ever A, actually…but when I got there, you were leaving. I thought you'd be back, but you never came back. You just…vanished…and I blamed myself ever since. I thought I did something wrong!"

"I didn't know. I was already in the car."

"That doesn't matter. How could you do that to me? _Why_ would you do that to me? I can understand you wanting to split up because Dad was in the military, but for you to just abandon your family and run off with another man…your _campaign manager_, of all things, that's a pretty shitty thing to do, mom."

"Carly, listen to me, I didn't have much choice. The guy said he was leaving then, with or without me."

"And so you left with him. You left a husband, a son, and a daughter just to start a life with him." Her chest ached. She put her hand to her heart and closed her eyes. As much as she always wished her mother was a part of her life, now she wasn't so sure she ever wanted that to happen. "Did Dad even know?" Sharon pulled her lips back and shifted her eyes to the side. "No use keeping anymore secrets, huh mom? I think I'm old enough to know the truth now, wouldn't you think? Why did you leave?"

"Your father knew. He knew I'd been with Jack and something had happened during the time he deployed the first time." Carly's lips parted, but no words came out of her mouth. What could she say to that? Her dad actually _did_ know? "He wanted me out of the house, but there was no time to say goodbye. He and Jack had a pretty bad falling out. So if you sent me anything I didn't get, it's probably because Jack's not letting them through. Even though I'm not a part of the political game anymore…"

"You're…and where's Jack _now_?" The woman turned her gaze back to Carly and chuckled slightly.

"At the store."

"Great…" She turned to Sam and grabbed the paper from her hand. She wanted to read it, even though it was written years ago, she still wanted her mother to hear her thoughts. "You know what? Now that I've got you here…Spencer kept this thing all this time, and I don't know why, but…I'm going to read this to you." Sharon's eyebrow rose and her arms lowered to her sides.

"Is that your grade school paper?"

"Yes." All embarrassment aside, she didn't give a damn who was watching. "It's been ten years, but this was supposed to be an essay about our favorite relative. I don't care if you want to hear it or not, I'm reading it."

"Okay. Go ahead." Carly shifted the paper in front of her face and eyed the familiar old handwriting on the weathered, aged paper. It must have sat in a folder all this time, because it honestly didn't look half bad. She took a deep breath and attempted to fight back her tears. Passing on through the specifics, she went ahead and read out loud the words that brought back such vivid memories of a happier, younger time in her life.

_"My name is Carly Shay, and I come from a military and political family. I'm writing about my mom, she's the politician. Daddy's the one in the military, and has already been overseas once! Mom isn't a major politician, not yet anyway, I think she'll become a big one someday! I didn't know what 'politician' meant, so she told me that it was someone who holds an important office within the city, state, or even country. That means she's an important person in the city! _

_ I look up to her the most because she always cares about us. When Daddy was overseas, she always did her best to make sure that Spencer, that's my brother, and I were well taken care of. 'A mommy always loves her children', that's what she said. There were sometimes hard times, but mom made the best of it with us. I don't think we could have done anything without her! _

_ She's strong and very smart, she knows how to take care of the city. She works in City Hall, but I'm not sure what she does. I have to ask her. I think it's a city councilwoman. Either way, being in politics and being a mom are both big jobs, and she does both of them! Sometimes she comes home and is exhausted, but she still helps to cook dinner and make sure everything is good around the house._

_ One day, I hope to be just like my mommy. Maybe I can go into politics, or make the city a better place. Mom says that everything can always be improved, and those in politics help to do exactly that! I love my mommy. One day mommy, I'm going to be just like you and I hope you're proud of me. I love you, mom!"_

Her heart pounded her ribcage and tears streaked her face, it was harder than hell to read that essay. Everyone in the room was crying, even Sharon had some tears on her face. She studied her mom's face for a minute, waiting until the woman spoke. "I've always…been proud of you…I've watched iCarly, I've often tried to contact your father and see how you were. Of course I've been proud." Her voice shook, like the quavering of a mountain losing its earth. Carly's heart continued to sink down, and she began questioning everything she thought she understood about her mother. She was just far too confused to handle any of this. "I know it wasn't right of me to leave you behind like that, but you must understand, I had no choice."

"You were our mother. You always had a choice." It was Spencer who spoke, finally deciding to get his input in there. Carly looked over as Spencer walked to Carly and put his arm around her shoulder. He glared at Sharon with narrow eyes and clenched his fist up. "You know, I'm engaged to a beautiful woman, we're getting married on the Fourth of July. You wouldn't know that, though, because you never came around. The woman that Carly just read about…_you_ don't even _deserve_ to grace the presence of that woman. Even if it was you, it _can't_ be you, because that woman in that essay would _not_ have abandoned us. She would have at least said she loved us, and she wouldn't let some lunatic keep all of her children's letters away!"

"Spencer…"

"I don't give a shit what you say. You may say you're proud, you may say you 'tried', but evidently you didn't try enough. Ten bucks says when _Jack_ shows up, you would turn everything off without a single notice. I may be stupid, but I'm not an idiot, that guy was a pansy back then, and I'm sure he's a pansy now." Sharon turned her eyes away and exhaled gently.

"What more do you want me to say? I'm sorry I left, I wish things could have gone differently…You know, maybe…maybe we could get to know each other some more?" Carly scoffed and tapped her fingers on her arm, she'd heard enough. She finally understood now, she knew the way it had always been and how it always would be. Her mother was no different than Sam and Beck's father was. A shrewd politician as always. At least, if she ever went the political route, she would remain to be an _honest_ one.

"No mom, I got what I needed…what I wanted. Closure." She turned her head up to the screen and closed her hands up tightly. "I know better now. I may go the political route, but I will _never_ be like you. Nor do I want to be. I'd never leave my family, and at least, I would be _honest_. I'm just glad I finally got to talk to you. I'll go ahead and thank Sam and Freddie for this, but Mom? It's over. I'll give you what you want. You wanted nothing to do with us, that's what you got. Goodbye."

"Carly?" Ignoring her mother, she turned to Gibby and moved her hand along her neck.

"Cut the feed."

"Yes Ma'am," Gibby replied, flipping off the webcams. Carly smiled at the camera and waved her hand, holding back on her pain as much as she could.

"This has been iCarly. I'll be hosting the next webshow…Thank you, and goodnight…" Once the camera stopped recording, she let loose and broke down, sinking to her knees and bringing her hands to her face. Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Sasha all surrounded her, hugging her as she lightly sobbed.

"Are you going to be all right?" Sam asked, clutching her tightly.

"Y-Yeah, I'll be fine." She wiped her eyes with her arm and breathed in. Thank you guys. I…I needed that."

"You've been so good to all of us, using iCarly to help bring us the closure we needed, so we thought…this would be a good thing to do. Valerie and Jonah came up with the idea, actually. Freddie and I just put it to action." She chuckled and closed her eyes, it was surprising to see how well they all worked together to get something done. Needless to say, she _was_ grateful. "Just remember Carly, we're all here for you. No matter what, we'll _always_ be here for you."

"Yeah I know." She smiled and looked up to them, hugging them back. "I'll always be here for you guys too. Now where are Jonah and Valerie at?"

"They're at their homes, why?"

"I was hoping to thank them too. I guess I can do that later." She felt stronger now, like nothing could shake her. She was much wiser, though. When she was younger, she may have thought her mother was the world and she wanted to be just like her mom, but now that she was turning into a young woman, she was sure she'd be _better_ than her mother. "You gave me a great idea for next week, though. Homeless shelter." Sam's eyebrows rose up and a smile grew onto her lips.

"Sounds good to me, Carls."

"Exactly."

* * *

><p>A sweet chapter, I hope you liked it. So some big stuff's about to start now. The final chapter's coming up, which means the final little bit is coming after this. I noticed a lot of you seem to hope that a certain someone is okay, but I wonder how many of you will be hoping that when the end of this story comes.<p> 


	60. Happy Graduation!

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 60 (Happy Graduation)<p>

The next Friday was June 15th, high school graduation for the seniors of 2012. This was a big day for Jonah and Valerie, finally making peace with their school and moving on. No longer would they have to look back to the tortured memories of the immature students that constantly beat them down for everything they had. Many seniors would look on to their high school fondly, but they would look back with bittersweet thoughts, because still amid all the terrible, there had been _some_ pleasant memories. Hopefully friendships were made that would never be broken.

Jonah sat among his family, with Valerie's family next to them. They were just talking to them before heading back to where all the graduates were. Valerie had been nervous that Rodney would be there during the graduation ceremony, but Principal Franklin and the families had assured both she and Jonah that he had been denied admittance into the graduation ceremony. Freddie and Sam were happy to attend, eager to see what their graduation the following year might be like. Carly was there as well, so far praying that her graduation would turn out to be in a place just like this.

He'd been awestruck when he entered, it was at a popular stadium that the Seattle football team played at. The auditorium was _huge_ with seats all around, and it was inside as well. The floor was paved with one long, sleek, brown tile, and the ceiling was decorated with beautiful rafters and multicolored lights. In the center of the large auditorium were a few hundred chairs for all the graduates of the school, all facing the stage where Principal Franklin would hand out the diplomas while the superintendant called off every student's names. They would have to leave the chairs, walk towards the ramp on the right side of the stage, walk up and take the diploma, shake Principal Franklin's hand, smile for the camera, then shake the Superintendant's hand, strike a pose, walk off the left ramp, and finally return to their seat. In the end, all the graduates would listen to the valedictorian, stand, turn their tassels to the other side and finally when instructed that they were finished, they'd throw their hats high into the air.

After some amount of farewell to their families, Jonah and Valerie walked hand and hand to the room where the graduates waited to file out. Their gowns were blue, with a blue cap as well as blue and white tassels, they didn't get black until _college_ graduation four years from now. "This is it, Val. Graduation. The sooner the better, right?" He smiled subtly and Valerie shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. I've had a lot of bad memories with school, but at the same time, I think I'm going to miss it here. I can't hate the place where I met the greatest friends I've ever had." Jonah smiled with pride and he thought about the girls in Valerie's cooking class that had struck up a friendship with her, despite the rest of the school's bantering. Along with Carly, Sam, and Freddie, all of whom neither of them could ever forget. Of course, he couldn't forget them if he _wanted_ to, one of them was his brother for life now. So maybe she had a point, there were some diamonds in the rough, school wasn't a total hell. "High school is full of drama, it always will be. Everyone in this world will either like or dislike various parts of their high school, but nobody can ever say they hated everything about it."

"Yeah that's true. I did have some fun in high school. Not sure about junior high, though." Valerie laughed, her rich voice dancing in his ears.

"I think it's okay to hate junior high. There was nothing good about that, at _all_."

"I'll say. I almost lost my best friend around then!"

"See what I mean?" The graduates were beginning to line up, fortunately not in alphabetical order. There were nearly four hundred students in the class, it would have been far too hectic to try and line up in that order. He felt Valerie squeeze his hand, then reach over to kiss his cheek. "Here's to a whole bunch of new memories in college, right?"

"Yeah, and here's to that month long break in between June and July." He smirked and started walking towards the line with Valerie. They were both going to Seattle University, but not starting their classes until August, it gave them a month to just rest and deal with some down time before starting another school. "You want to try and be a chef, right? Culinary school after college?"

"Yeah, and you're going into the military afterwards?"

"Yeah, I'll continue my journey to be a medical doctor through there. I just want to be an officer when I enter the military, best way to do that is to go through college first." She nodded and held tightly on his hand.

"You'll be great. I know you will."

"So will you." The music began to play and the graduates started moving. "Here we go." They quieted down, not wanting to ruin anything by talking during the walk. It felt almost like a power walk, and looked like one too, for that matter. They kept their heads held high and their shoulders straight. In his mind, he could just imagine Marissa telling Freddie about this being that proper posture she'd always been telling him about.

After making it to their seats and being instructed to sit, they all gazed on as Principal Franklin and Superintendent Gorman stared back at them with proud faces. The superintendant was first to speak, announcing and welcoming the class of 2012. "As you well know, this has been a long and trying journey, but now that you've arrived at the peak of your schooling, you're ready to step onto broader paths. I can see that hope, that glimmer of maturity in so many of your eyes. One that was only put there by growth, by experience. I am certain that many of you will go on to very successful and happy lives. I hope you will all look back to this day with fondness and appreciation as you continue your next step, whatever that step may be. For some of you, it will be college, for some it will be family, and for others it could be anything. I am amazed, I am proud, and I am _honored_ to stand here before all of you, who were once teenagers, boys, girls, but are now young men and young women well on your way to adulthood. Before we begin, I believe my associate here has prepared a speech as well, you all know him well as your esteemed leader, Principal Franklin."

Principal Franklin walked to the podium as the class cheered for him. He leaned forward and wiped a tear from his eyes. "I cannot tell you…just how proud I am of every single one of you." He beat his fist in the air and smiled at them. "You did it, you made it, and you know what? Life is only just beginning! Savor these years of your life, look back on them with a fondness in your hearts. For some, these have been the best years of your lives, for some, maybe not, but in the end all that matters is simply that you're here today. You're here, and you're ready to face the future. Chin up, class of 2012, chin up and keep moving!"

Jonah looked over to Valerie and smiled when he saw a tear leave her eye. He wondered what memories she was recalling, if not the recent ones that was. As far as he was concerned, the two men were giving great speeches. High school, he could say he'd look back fondly on, but not so much, considering he really didn't have that many great memories.

Besides meeting Valerie, besides having Freddie around, what else was there? There were still the memories of getting picked on by every kid in school, having Rodney around constantly egging people on while adding to the torture, there was the whole thing that happened with Sam. In truth, he didn't think he'd miss high school all that much. Sure, there were a few things here and there that had meaning, impact, but not much that he would _want_ to remember.

It was a while before the speeches were done and the teachers began calling the students by name. Jonah chuckled as Valerie rested her head on her shoulder and whispered to him. "Wake me when they get to me, all right?" It was appropriate, they only just began the B's and she had to wait until they hit the W's.

"Sure, but you realize they'll be getting to me soon, right?"

"So that's one full minute I don't get to lay my head on something, so what?"

"You could lay your head on my shoulder," Said the student next to them. Jonah and Valerie chuckled and looked to the kid, he was joking, so they didn't mind. Valerie patted the kid's shoulder, then pat Jonah's, smiling slightly.

"I would, but my boyfriend's shoulder is much more comfortable. No hard feelings, though?"

"Ah, well okay then. No hard feelings." The kid's name was called, Tate Brendon. "I'm up anyway." Jonah blinked and snapped his fingers, he was up next. He watched as Tate made his way to the ramp, once there, they called him up. He slowly stood and smiled into Valerie's eyes.

"See you in a second." This was it, his moment. The night prior, he had a nightmare that he was going to be shot at graduation, but he said nothing about it. It was just so off the wall that it didn't bother him. Besides, old man Travis had been in the dream as well, and he'd been one of the school board members sitting down on the stage. In reality, Travis was not on the school board, nor was he at the graduation, so Jonah didn't worry so much about it.

He did wonder what the dream meant, but at the same time, he was never into all that dream interpretation crap. He made his way to the ramp, then up, smiling as he shook Principal Franklin's hand. Franklin handed him the diploma and pat his arm, the camera flashed. He then shook Superintendant Gorman's hand, the camera flashed again. He stopped on the stage, extended his arms, but instead of a camera flashing, a gunshot rang out and struck him in the chest. Screams broke out around him and he spotted Travis sitting in the stands. Rodney was standing in the middle of the students, his gun drawn.

Suddenly he felt someone pat his arm and shook his head, he was standing with his hand raised and a fake smile on his face. Everyone was watching him and the student after him was telling him to keep moving. Had he just slipped into a daydream? Ah well, last high school embarrassment, what did he care? He kept his cool and continued walking off the stage, taking his seat next to Valerie, who was looking at him with concern. Was Rodney actually managing to get to him? How could that be? Damn guy was good at making people fear him, if he was able to get under his skin like that.

He felt his chest and sighed while Valerie wrapped her arms around him. "What was that? Are you all right?"

"Yeah I'm fine, no worries." It was just a random daydream while he was walking. There was no shooter. He looked off into the stands near where his family was. No Travis. Rodney wasn't even in the mix of students, much less, anywhere near the entire building. He blinked and rubbed his neck as Valerie returned her head to his shoulder.

"Good, I'm glad you're all right. Now that you're back, want to wake me up when they get to me?"

"Of course." He kissed her forehead and smiled at her. It would probably be a good hour before they reached her name, so he would be happy to let her sleep on his shoulder for that length of time.

When they finally got through with all the students, the Valedictorian gave his speech and everyone rose after the superintendant finished his final speech. They were told to turn their tassels to the other side of their cap, and as everyone wiped their tears from their eyes, there was one final thing left to say.

"Congratulations Class of 2012, you're done with high school!" Hats flew wildly into the air as students started to cheer and shout. Jonah and Valerie took each other's hands, grabbed their hats, and ran out of the excited crowd, laughing with excitement. It was not long until everyone met up with their families, and Jonah just knew he was going to endure teasing from Freddie and the others for freezing up like he did, but that was just fine. It didn't really matter much anyway.

"What was that, man?" Freddie asked, smacking his shoulder and smirking. "You just stood there on the stage looking like that last camera flash scared the shit out of you." Jonah laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know man, it made me a bit dazed, that's all."

"Yeah well, everyone's talking about heading out to grab a bite to eat and celebrate. Our family and Valerie's, that is." A lot of people, it would be expensive, but fun nonetheless. He grinned and Valerie quickly nodded.

"Sounds like a plan."

"God I can't wait till our graduation. Carly's got this one recorded on iCarly. I think she wants to end up comparing it to next year's."

"Oh dear god." Well, he couldn't say it wouldn't be entertaining to see the graduation all over again, and to see him slip up on stage. The thing was, he actually _felt_ like he'd been shot. No matter, it was nothing to shake a finger at. He just preferred to dismiss the entire thing and have fun celebrating, he just wouldn't let Rodney get under his skin. It was not allowed. "Yep, too bad you get another year." He smirked at Freddie and put his elbow on his friend's shoulder, he could think of so many jokes to pick at him about, but he decided to hold back. For now.

* * *

><p>What a graduation ceremony that was, and Jonah had a nice little daydream right there. Wonder what it could mean. Well either way, Jonah and Valerie have graduated. Just a couple chapters left to go.<p> 


	61. Bitter Cold Day

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 61 (Cold)<p>

Jonah wiped the counter of the store down and gazed out the glassy windows, his boss at Walgreens had a little congratulation for him over the graduation two days ago. One of his coworkers decided to play a prank and indeed up getting sticky liquid, possibly from soda, he wasn't really sure what, all over the place. For such a warm summer day, it felt pretty cold. He wasn't too sure why he felt that way, so he put that on the back burner, it wasn't important enough.

There were not many customers today, of course Travis was in the back at the pharmacy. The security guards that Freddie had asked to be put around the store were not there, save one or two scouring the premises outside and one officer that was in the place at all times. Jonah actually went ahead and asked that the lighten their load, since he never saw there to be any recent threat. The one that usually walked inside the building was in the restroom, which meant he'd be in there for a while, he often was.

Once he finished cleaning off the counter, he tossed the towel into a basket of rags that needed to be taken out to the wash. He was bored, but at the same time, he was happy. He had been thinking on his future, and things were looking great. He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the counter. As he looked out, he saw Travis walking through an aisle. "Waiting on your prescriptions, sir?" Travis glanced over and smiled, nodding his head in response.

"They said the prescription should be ready in about twenty to twenty-five minutes. I've been having some pain in my knees, the doctor thinks it might be arthritis." Travis shook his head and folded his arms over. "I'm telling you, old age is a hassle. You can go through war and back, but in the end, old age is what gets you."

"Yeah, but I think you'll be fine." He looked to the doors and saw customers starting to enter in packs. "_Now_ the rush begins."

"Looks to be a busy day. Where are the other cashiers?"

"Yeah. It can handle a busy day. I think one of the other cashiers is coming in pretty soon." A young boy walked up to the counter with a bag of M&Ms he got from the front. The kid smiled and held up the candy.

"M&Ms please."

"All right." He took the candy and rang it up. "That'll be one-fifty." The boy took out his money and set it down on the counter, smiling brightly.

"Thank you! It's a great day out there, my friends and I are going to the park!"

"Well hopefully you have fun there. Are you sharing those with your friends?"

"Nope." The boy bounced out of the store and Jonah laughed, he had to admire the kid's spunk. He always enjoyed the customers that came in and talked, it showed they didn't think the cashiers were just simply cashiers and were actually _human_. Travis walked up to the counter and leaned back against it, watching the customers sift through the aisles.

"So how's everything going with that girlfriend of yours, Jonah? Are you going to college together?"

"Yes, and things are going great. I'm glad to have her in my life, and actually, I never thought I'd meet a woman like her." Travis chuckled and gazed up into the air. A quiet exhale left his lips and his chest fell slowly.

"Yeah, love is like that. Kim was one of a kind, never another woman like her. It's those women that you need to hold onto and keep an eye out for, because you'll never find another like them." Jonah smiled appreciatively, always welcoming the elder's advice. "It's been far too long, sometimes I just wish I could hold her one more time. One last time, never letting her go…" Travis turned around and met Jonah's eyes. He slowly wagged his finger. "Don't ever let that lady go. Remember to hold her, cherish her every day, and tell her you love her. When you get a relationship that strong, a bond like that, it'll do more for the both of you and it can only grow."

"Thank you, and I'll be sure to do that."

"You know…" Travis wiped a tear from his eye and chuckled. "Arthritis. Kim would probably make fun of me, but I know she'd do her best to take care of me as I would her."

"I imagine she would." Customers were starting to flock towards the counter, so Travis waved Jonah off and went on to check on his medication. Jonah felt a pleasure in his heart as he scanned through the customers. Some were very regular customers, eager to hear how he was doing. Left and right, people were asking about his college and what he'd be doing after that. Then there were the not as friendly customers who just simply paid and walked off without a word, or the customers who would talk on the phone during the whole process of checkout. Working at Walgreens, he'd seen everything.

He eyed his customers, holding fast to his grin. It was true, while wearing a smile, it made the day seem much brighter. In the back of the line was someone with a black hooded sweater, baggy sweat pants, and shades on his face. The hood and shades covered his head. His hands were in the stomach pockets of the sweater. Jonah thought he saw a slight bulge in the pocket that appeared more of a rectangle than they did hands, but he didn't see any store items for him. It might be the guy wanted directions.

A female customer stepped up and put her hands on the counter, she seemed confused about something. "Sir, do you know where I can find bug spray? I need some _Raid_ to kill some cockroaches." He thought for a minute and pointed towards the back.

"I believe that will be close to the pharmacy and near the spirits, Aisle Eighteen."

"Thank you." She walked off and the next customer stepped up. There were now three customers in front of the hooded customer, and two behind him. Customers were crowding the front of the store, searching the ends of the aisles and browsing around. This was quickly turning into one of their busiest days. The next customer was a man in his thirties with graying hair. He set down some hair dye and frowned.

"I'm thirty six, I shouldn't be getting grey hair." Jonah scanned the item and took a look at the man's hair. It was still a decent amount of brown, there were only a few streaks of grey that could be noticed, all while still noticeable.

"I don't think it's too bad."

"Yeah, but it will be." The man set the money down on the counter and Jonah printed out the receipt. "Thank you, hopefully this makes things a bit better for me."

"It should help." He waved off the customer and looked to the next one, a young twenty year old with a box of condoms. Jonah's eyebrows lifted as the man chuckled nervously. The man in the hood raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Got a hot date tonight?" If he could get the kid to relax, that'd be a good thing, he didn't want to appear too nervous for whatever he was buying those condoms for.

"I didn't know if I could purchase these at the pharmacy, so I came here."

"That's fine, but you can buy them there if you want. Either way, we'll still ring them up." He listed the price and the guy paid the money he needed. "Just remember to read the instructions on the box and follow them correctly."

"R-Right, thanks. I think my girlfriend would be a little freaked out if I didn't do that…"

"Probably. You have a good day." His lips tugged into a smirk and the kid laughed once, his confidence slowly returning.

"I hope I will. She might also freak if she knew I had this…I'm surprising her."

"Surprising? Now a box of chocolates would be a surprise, a box of condoms, not so much. Consider romance over sex in the future, I can guarantee you'll go far."

"Really?" The boy looked around, then to Jonah, whispering softly. "I mean, we've just been having sex…don't tell anyone, but I think she's getting bored." Jonah clicked his tongue and folded his arms over.

"Well, when was the last time you actually tried to court her?" He held onto the money just in case the guy wanted to buy something else. The guy frowned and started counting on his fingers, stopping midway through.

"I honestly don't know…You think I should go for the box of chocolates or something?"

"Sure, that's up to you. I can assure you, though, courting her would be the thing that brings her closer to you. You can take the condoms, but don't just spring them on her. I'd suggest instead of going straight for the sex, or even having it at all if you're not married, but that's your business, try a romantic dinner. Take her for a walk through the park, do something."

"Yeah…Yeah, you're right, I should. I think she'd like that stuff."

"Women like the romantic things." At least that's what he thought, he wouldn't waste money on _condoms_. Then again, he'd rather wait until he married the right person. He pushed the condoms forward and set the money on the box, smiling gently. "You still want this?"

"You know? Where are those chocolates?" The guy took the money and Jonah tossed the box on the return shelf under the counter. He pointed to the left and raised his eyebrows up.

"Third aisle to the right. There's a nice teddy bear with a heart-shaped box of chocolates back there too, if I remember." The guy's eyes lit up and he quickly turned towards the aisle.

"Thank you." As the guy ran off, the customers moved up. The guy in the sweater looked tired, but so did the few customers behind him. There was now only one person in front of him. It was a man in his forties with a bottle of champagne. Jonah chuckled inwardly at the irony of the situation, a man who was apparently still trying to be romantic to his girlfriend or wife, right after the guy that wanted to shoot for straight up sex with his girlfriend.

"This is going to be our anniversary dinner tonight," The man said as he watched Jonah ring up the champagne. "My wife and I have been together for twelve years now."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"That'll be forty two-fifty." The man brought out his credit card and swiped it on the card machine. Jonah smiled and processed the card. He flicked his eyes up and saw Travis walking down one of the aisles, holding his prescription in his hand. He turned his eyes back to the man and gave him a firm nod. "I hope you and your wife have a great dinner tonight."

"Thank you, I'm actually cooking this great meal for her, all the trimmings."

"I bet she'll appreciate that."

"Thank you." The guy that had purchased the box of condoms walked back into the back of the line with the stuffed bear and chocolates, his face was bursting with confidence. Jonah looked to the side, spotting one of the other cashiers arriving at the other register finally, he hadn't seen him come in. The guy with the bear was the first to see, and rushed over to that station, along with two other customers.

The man with the champagne walked out and Jonah slowly turned his head to the man with the sweater. When he rested his eyes on the man, his fingers started to ache and his heart began racing, but he didn't know why. It wasn't a heart attack, he was far too young for that. The man stepped forward, a small smirk played upon his lips. "How can I help you sir? Do you need any help finding things?"

"No, I found what I'm looking for," the man replied with a familiar snarling voice. Jonah squinted his eyes and watched as the man removed his hands, pulling out a black pistol. His eyes widened and the man aimed the gun at him, the other customers screamed and fell to the floor.

"It's a hold up!" One customer screamed. "Robber! Robber!"

"What? No, shut up!" The man pulled his hood off, revealing his curly brown, near black hair. He flung off his shades, which had been so thick that they covered his glasses. Jonah's heart stopped and he took a slight step back, it was Rodney! Rodney turned back to Jonah and pointed the gun his way. Jonah held his hands up level with his shoulder. "You! I told you to stay away from my girl, and now you'll pay for it."

The other cashier looked over, he was a bit younger than Jonah, and more terrified looking. "Just give him the money, Jonah!" Jonah rolled his eyes and ran his finger along his throat, signaling the guy to be quiet. He knew Rodney was there for him, unless he wanted to try robbing the place too.

"Look, don't do anything you're going to regret…" Jonah swallowed hard and stared Rodney in the eyes, he knew that in an instant, Rodney could pull that trigger and kill him. He wasn't sure if the man was capable of murder, but he couldn't let him commit the crime in front of everyone, and in a public place like this. "You don't want to do this."

"The fuck I _don't_!"

"Listen to me. You're in Walgreens right now, on one of the busiest days-"

"I know where I'm at! I know there are two officers outside and one in the restroom, so I'm trying to make this fast." Rodney cocked the gun and narrowed his eyes. "I don't particularly give a fuck what you say!" He poked Jonah's chest with the weapon. Jonah grunted and sighed.

"So you want to go to jail for robbery and attempted murder?"

"Fuck you! You can't do shit to me behind that counter!" He raised an eyebrow and stared on with a dumbfounded expression. Did the guy seriously think he couldn't do anything? Rodney swiped his nose, something he'd been doing repeatedly. His eyes were blood red as well, a sign that he'd been doing drugs.

"You're on drugs, aren't you? Looks like cocaine…"

"Yeah I just snorted, so what. Shut the fuck up, I'm tired of staring at you! I'm getting back what I deserve, and that bitch has hell to pay!" A growl left Jonah's throat and he continued to try and keep his cool. Rodney's hand was shaking ferociously, so it was clear he _didn't_ have the guts to shoot.

"So you're going to kill me right here, right now, with all these customers? Go ahead. Shoot." Rodney begin shivering. He was a coward, but that was no surprise to Jonah, the guy had _always_ been a coward. He narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "Just like you…so much a coward that you could beat the women you're with, you could use drugs and try to manipulate others into pushing down those you don't like, and then you settle your problems by walking into a store and holding a cashier at gunpoint? How much money do you want?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Rodney moved his head from side to side, paranoia was beginning to settle in. "I'll kill you! Don't you understand?"

"Get away from him!" A man shouted out. Jonah's eyes widened and he watched, almost in slow motion, as Travis charged Rodney and grabbed his arm.

"No! Travis, don't!" Rodney let out a scream and started struggling with the former military man. Jonah needed to do something, and fast! There was almost no time to react, even though the struggling seemed to go on for eternity, it really only lasted a second before a gunshot rang out. Jonah's arms were frozen on the counter that he was about to jump over, his heart shattered and he watched as Rodney let out a terrified scream. Rodney pulled the trigger! Possibly by accident, but either way, it was the same.

Travis's body jerked backwards and blood flew from his chest. Rodney's eyes widened in fear as his body started to tremble. The customers started to scream while the other cashier ran outside, possibly to find the security guards. Jonah didn't care, he wasn't paying any attention, only watching as his favorite customer landed on the ground.

Rodney took a slight step back, shaking his head and denying what he'd just done. Then Jonah snapped back to reality, letting out an angry roar. He'd had _enough_ of Rodney and was well prepared to tear him apart! He leapt over the counter and lunged forward. Rodney turned his head over his shoulder and screamed as Jonah tackled him to the ground and clutched the collar of his sweater.

"You bastard!" Jonah pinned him with his knees and dealt a heavy punch to his jaw. Rodney screamed out and released his gun. Another customer kicked the gun to the side and the cashier ran back inside with the two guards, who had their guns raised. Guilty eyes fell onto Jonah and Rodney, the guards didn't even suspect him.

"J-Jonah…" Travis moaned and Jonah's head jerked up. He quickly moved over to Travis and put his hand under his back, gazing down with tear-filled eyes. The man's hand was over his gunshot wound, blood was rushing out at a rapid pace, but there was nothing he could do. The gunshot pierced Travis's heart. "I'm going, Jonah…"

"N-No, you can't. You can't go."

"Jonah." Travis's lips curled up into a smile. "You were always like a grandson to me…It was always a pleasure to talk to you…"

"You're going to be fine, Travis. You're going to be fine! You survived Vietnam, right? You can survive this."

"I'm afraid I won't make it out this time." His heart wailed and tears streamed down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he cried this hard. Screw Rodney, he wanted that bastard dead, but he wasn't a killer. Damn him, damn that Rodney. He bit his tongue and tasted those salty tears of his. He hated this. This was supposed to be a _good_ day, not a tragic day. Why? Where were those paramedics?

"You're going to be fine…" Travis lifted up his hand and Jonah choked back his sob. This man was like a grandfather to him, a loyal customer of Walgreens since as long as he'd worked there. He blamed himself. If he hadn't been here, if he had taken the day off, Rodney wouldn't have come in here.

"I had to protect my family. Please don't mourn too much for me, I'm just an old man, Kim's waiting for me, Jonah. It's high time I go to her…" Jonah bowed his head and trembled as the guards started pulling Rodney away. He could hear the sirens outside, _now_ the police and paramedics were arriving. "Smile, give an old man that much."

"Okay…" His mouth slowly curled into a smile. Travis smiled back and lay down, closing his eyes. His chest rose and fell slowly.

"Ah yes, there she is. Smiling down, open arms, a bountiful field all around. Jonah…she's so beautiful."

"So go to her…don't let me hold you back…" A familiar cry rang out and Jonah looked back to see Valerie watching with wide eyes.

"Jonah!" Valerie ran over to him and threw her arms around him, tears stinging her eyes. "I was driving by and I saw the police here…my god…" Travis slowly opened his eyes and looked to her.

"There's your girlfriend, huh…Jonah, do me a favor. Hold on to her and never let her go, what I said before. Cherish her." Valerie frowned and Jonah slowly nodded his head.

"I will."

"I know you will. Valerie, I believe that's your name?" She nodded and Travis took a deep breath. "He tells me so much about you, you make him a happy man." He closed his eyes again and breathed out through his nose. "Kim…I'm coming home."

As Jonah felt Travis's body go limp, he bowed his head and clenched his eyes shut, struggling with his sobs. Valerie put her head to Jonah's shoulder and sobbed. She was at least grateful that Jonah was alive and Rodney didn't hurt him, but she was broken up about the death that did happen.

This was a cold day. He could feel himself being pulled away by some of the officers, but he didn't see anything. Valerie stayed right by his side, holding onto his hand as tight as possible. He heard people saying that Rodney was being carted away, but that was the extent of what he heard. He just wanted to break down, to scream, but as he was a master of holding back, he still held back. A cold day indeed.

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><p>There are no words that I can say, a truly saddening chapter. Rodney, I hope the "Puppetmaster" finds you. On second thought, probably wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, even Rodney ;^). But this chapter...tragic. Sam's immortal words ring out "Does someone have to get hurt, before Rodney is caught?"<p> 


	62. Rodney's Nightmare

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 62 (Rodney's Nightmare)<p>

In the back of the patrol car, Rodney stared down at his cuffs with a monotonous expression on his face, he felt no guilt or remorse for what had taken place. Save a morsel of upset over the fact that he didn't intend to kill anyone other than Jonah. At the same time, he hadn't had the guts to pull that trigger in the first place. "You know you're going away for a long time. Finally caught you." He flicked his eyes up and frowned. They wouldn't have done much if he hadn't gone into that place with that gun, would they? Then again, maybe he did have a rap sheet. "Robbery, attempted murder, _murder_, burglary of a store, and of course, who can forget Stalking? Drugs…man you have a _big_ rap sheet."

"That bad?" He narrowed his eyes onto the police officer's neck, there was something very strange about this person. Maybe it was all in his mind. Lately he felt like _he_ was being watched. Over and over, he found himself looking over his shoulder. Someone was stalking him. This man, this guard, had a line around the bottom of his neck, hair above, and then there was brown hair _under_ this line. As though the guard's face was a mask. He looked to the rearview mirror and huffed, the guard's face was very real and very detailed, so there wasn't anything other than this strangeness. "Why does something seem off about you?"

"I don't know what you mean. We'll be heading to the station very soon. While we go, how about a little music. Also, I hope you don't mind if I smoke." He waved his hand in the air and gazed out the window, he really didn't care. After a minute, classical music began to play, much to his disdain. He _hated_ classical music, it almost _always_ put him to sleep. Now was _not_ a time he wanted to sleep. Next, a very soothing scent struck his nose, a type of aroma that he'd not caught since he was a child. This wasn't good, that aroma mixed with the music not only brought back bad memories, it was bound to put him to sleep. The sweet aroma was actually a gas. He moved his hands uncomfortably groaned, he couldn't block out both sound and smell.

"Hey, maybe you can turn off the music, actually."

"Sorry, I don't exactly get along with your kind."

"My _kind_?" He raised an eyebrow and growled. He took those kind of statements to heart. "And what does that mean?"

"Killers, murderers, you know the type. Abusers." He rolled his eyes and looked outside. His eyes were growing heavy, burning with pain. If only he could get out of this damn car. He squinted his eyes and frowned, where were they? This didn't look like the city, it looked like the back roads, if anything. Where was this guard taking him? Why did he have a bad feeling about all this? His eyes rolled to the back of his head and his body slumped down, the combination of the music and gas finally worked in him. Did this guard have nose plugs?

_Resist, Rodney, Resist._ He moaned, trying his damndest to resist the urge to close his eyes. A flash of black, then he came back, his eyes were opening and closing slowly. With each blink, he saw the guard smiling in the rearview mirror, his grin growing wider. _Fight it. Don't…fall asleep. _He didn't care if he lived or died at this point, but he was pretty damn sure if he fell asleep, something terrible would happen. _My eyes are so damn heavy._

The car came to a stop and the guard turned in his seat, resting his arm on the back of the chair. He gave Rodney a concerned look and tilted his head to the right. "Are you okay? You look pretty fucked up right about now."

"What. Are you doing to me?"

"Nothing. We're almost at the station."

"Fuck this…you're drugging me up…"

"I think that crack in your system is messing with your brain."

"For a cop…" His words were beginning to slur together. He felt more vulnerable than ever before. "You are pretty…unprofessional…not to mention creepy."

"I could say the same about you, my friend."

"Fuck…you…" His eyes closed one last time, finally too heavy to remain open. His mind started spinning in the darkness and he felt a sudden jab of pain, but he couldn't seem to wake up.

_"What? Where am I?" Seven year old Rodney Shapiro woke in a dark room, he could hear the sobs of his six year old brother in the room next to him. He was in a deep sweat and naked, more vulnerable than ever. His body had cuts all across his chest and his thighs, like someone had been taking a pair of scissors and digging into him. The searing pain was almost unbearable for him. _

_ A music box began playing, the same creepy music box that played very slowly to the tune of 'Ring Around The Mulberry Bush'. It scared the shit out of him every time he heard it, it gave him nightmares beyond what he could handle. It didn't help that Robbie was now screaming outside. "Robbie? Robbie where are you!" He cried out and started feeling around, he could tell he was on a cold floor. "Make it stop! Please!" His hands trembled and closed in front of his face, he could smell blood all over the place. Why? Why was there so much blood? Why was that music box playing? "Make it stop…MAKE IT STOP!"_

_ He twitched and slowly tried to stand up, he hated hearing his little brother's screams. There were no windows in this room, so he knew it was the 'bad room'. He was often sent here whenever he did something bad. Not only that, but one of his parents usually ended up in the room as well with night vision goggles. He felt a cold wind on his back and moved his hands to his arms, shivering. He hoped, if either of them were in the room, it was his mother. Though she was a sadistic freak, she wasn't as bad as his father._

_ Robbie screamed again and Rodney quickly ran for a wall, banging on it. "Let me out! Stop hurting him! Please! Please!" Tears streamed his face and the music began to play much louder than before. He fell to the ground and curled up in a ball, sobbing gently. "Make it stop. Please make it stop!"_

_ "But why, my son?" A masculine voice echoed throughout the room and his eyes shot open. His breath caught in his throat and he curled up tighter, he didn't want to believe his dad was there. "We're only just getting started. Do you know why you are in here?"_

_ "B-Because I was bad?"_

_ "Yes. Very bad." He felt something hard strike him in the left shoulder and screamed. His hand flew to his shoulder and his body shook. "Daddy don't!"_

_ "You're a glutton for punishment, this is your eleventh time in this room!"_

_ "Please! God please…" Next, a sharp object started digging into his left forearm. Hit was long and wide. He screamed as it struck his bone, cracking it. More of these objects started being forced into his arm. He felt like he was on fire, like he was going to die. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"_

_ "You destroyed your grandmother's antique doll that she had for sixty years. You have to be punished for it." He couldn't help that dolls freaked him the hell out, he hated dolls. When he saw that doll staring back at him, he ran, but when he ran, he tripped and ended up crashing into the case that held it. The doll fell out and crashed on the ground in front of him. _

_ "It was an accident."_

_ "We don't believe in accidents in this house, Rodney." Something else pierced him, but it was smaller, like a needle. His eyes widened as he began to realize what was happening. His father set up an IV! He screamed as burning fluid shot into his veins, poisoning it. "We're going to see how your body handles this new serum. We haven't come up with a name yet, but you know how we scientists are, always have to test." God he hated being the family lab rat! He screamed as the fluid began spreading throughout the rest of his body. He could imagine the flames scorching him, but the fluid kept entering, filling his veins. He would rather die!_

_ "Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He couldn't bring himself to cry, even though he wanted to. All of a sudden, he felt a jarring pain in his back, even though he was lying flat on the ground. Nothing could hit his back, but why did it feel like someone was carving initials into him?_

_ He arched his back and screamed as the torture continued, going on for what must have been eternity. _

_ Several years later, Rodney was a bit older, twelve, to be exact. He'd had enough and was getting out. He gave his brother a puppet that resembled him, it was a hand-me-down, and had been given to him by their parents. As dolls freaked him out, he gave it to Robbie. _

_ As he eyed the top of the fence in the backyard, he swallowed and closed his fists. Barbed wire was waiting for him up top, but just beyond that wire was freedom. Surely that was worth more than a few cuts. He had in mind where he wanted to run to. Maybe Washington, where that new webshow, iCarly, had begun. He was actually a fan, and he had a bit of a puppy crush on the blonde co-host. Robbie would tease him about it and gush about what would happen if he ever met the girl in real life. _

_ He looked back at the house and a single tear left his eye. It was three in the morning, he'd made it passed every booby trap his parents had set up in case they tried to escape, including the savage dog, which was now in its pen. Robbie was still in the house, but there was no time to go back for him. It pained him, but it was too late, Robbie wouldn't wake up and he needed to get out before their parents did. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just knew this was his last chance. This, or death. _

_ He grabbed the first part of the fence and started to climb, his body straining against the fence. All those years of torture had actually made him stronger, so much so, that he was able to climb this fence without too much trouble. Once he reached the top, he took a deep breath and grabbed the sharp barbed wire. Searing pain shot down his arms, but he pushed on forward, ignoring it and clenching his teeth. _

_ With his anger, his hate fueling him, as well as his fear, he endured. He didn't want his mother's sexual torture, he didn't want to be his father's lab rat, he just couldn't take it. He'd had enough of the bad room, which he knew he'd go right back in if he was caught. _

_ Blood ran down his arms as he pulled himself up, letting out a pained grunt. He scraped his body against the barbed wire and flipped over the fence, landing painfully on his back. His head beat against the hard fence and his eyes gazed up at the moon and stars. Such a pleasant site that he'd not seen in all his life, could he wait and stare? No, he could gaze up later. _

_ He had so many drugs in his system right now that there probably wasn't a single drug he wasn't addicted to. Did it matter? Not so much. He pushed himself up and started moving forward, gazing back only once. When he did, he saw Robbie's bedroom window lit up and a silhouette of his brother watching. He raised an eyebrow and started to cringe, he knew his brother probably would wind up more mentally fucked up than even he was, but at the same time, probably not. _

_ "I'm sorry Robbie…but there's no way I can come back for you. I'm not being a coward, it's just...If you know where I'm going, mom and dad could find me, and then we'd all be screwed. Don't be mad at me, this is the only way. As far as I'm concerned, I'm dead…Keep that damned fucked up puppet with you if you'd like, maybe it'll remind you of me…" At that, he turned and ran, tears streaked his cheeks, but he did not turn back. His heart ached, mourned in fact, but he did not flee. He felt his brother's eyes on him the entire way, even when he got on that bus to Seattle, he felt his brother's eyes upon him. It didn't matter now. He was free. _

Rodney's eyes shot open and he found himself lying on his back near a cliff. He quickly sat up and looked around, officers surrounded him, guns pointed on him. "What the hell? Where am I?" He saw the patrol car he'd been in with the door ajar and the trunk open. His arms were free from the cuffs, but in the trunk, an officer's head was hanging out.

"You psycho, we received a distress call…I can't believe you did this…"

"Did what?" He felt an officer pull him up and shove him to the car, where he saw a ghastly sight. There was the upper torso of a police officer just sitting there, a pair of bloody handcuffs were lying on the body. How the hell could he have done this? He didn't! At least, he didn't think he did. They moved him towards the edge of the cliff and he peered down, able to see a pair of legs at the bottom. "No…I didn't do this!"

"Tell it to the judge, cop murderer!" The officer played back a distress recording and glared at him. Rodney listened closely and swallowed hard.

_"I need backup, and fast! The prisoner's escaped his handcuffs and is coming at me! Fuck, get help, he's found a sharp object on the ground some-AH!" _ He shook his head and stared down at himself, noticing for the first time that his shirt was off. God he hated being vulnerable.

"Hey, look at that," one officer blurted out. The others walked around and started to inspect his back, he gazed over his shoulder curiously and looked down, seeing blood. "Someone carved the initials _P.M._ on his back, I wonder what that means."

"Forget it, let's get this prisoner down to the station, then get him seen by the medical team. After that, we're locking him up until his trial…I say good riddance." He knew they wouldn't believe him if he said he didn't do this. There was something funny about this whole ordeal, but like the nightmare he'd just had, this whole thing seemed as though it was _all_ one big nightmare.

* * *

><p>It means he's marked, you dumbass! Well, this was a cryptic chapter, and a bit of insight onto Rodney's past. The end of that was chilling. I wonder how messed up Robbie is. And what was with that first guard? It was like he was wearing a mask or something, hmm. The real guard's stuffed in the trunk. Well, Rodney's safe in custody, right?<p> 


	63. Their Closure

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 63 (Their Closure)<p>

Jonah, Valerie, Freddie, Sam, Carly, and all of their relatives were attending the funeral and will reading for Travis. It was a truly somber day, and not a dry eye was found. Jonah couldn't help but to notice that Travis's daughter wasn't even here, she must not have gotten the news yet. Then again, she probably did, but either way, it didn't matter if the woman was there or not. He felt terrible, he'd lost a man he looked up to and respected, all because of _Rodney_. It would be difficult to get over this, but he would in time. Though, if he ever saw Rodney again, it would be far too soon.

Apparently the trial would begin shortly, and Jonah had been asked to testify in court. Valerie was asked to testify as well, and she would, simply because she felt safer with Rodney in cuffs. Neither of them wanted to bother with testifying, but they needed to. Hopefully, Rodney would be found guilty and put in for a long time, maybe even life. There was enough closure in the sense that he'd been arrested, they just didn't want him walking the streets any longer and terrorizing anyone else. Now that he was off the streets, it was good enough.

It had been three days since the murder, the news reported a strange occurrence regarding Rodney during his arrest. There had been yet another murder that the cops claimed Rodney was the one who did it. However, Freddie said there was a report from the coroner's office that the officer found dead had been dead hours before Rodney was even arrested! It was strange, but no one was thinking too hard on it. No one wanted to, they were just too pleased that Rodney was out of the way. Jonah walked with Valerie to Travis's casket, he peered down at the old man and felt Valerie's soft hand grace his. "He looks like he's asleep," she said with a soft voice.

"I know…" He couldn't lose someone close to him, someone that he grew to respect. It's why he wanted to become a doctor, so he could _avoid_ death. So he could save lives. "Why did this have to happen? He was a good man…" He felt tears stinging his eyes and shook his head as Valerie put her arm around his shoulders.

"Look at it this way. He saved your life, he saved me from having to deal with Rodney hurting you…" He sniffed and smiled slightly. When she said it like that, it did ease some of the pain. "He'll be missed, and he was a great person. He'll be with his wife now, and you'll be with me…Rodney's been arrested, and everything's starting to slow down a little bit…we don't have to look over our shoulders anymore." He watched as she turned to the casket and put her hand over Travis's, giving it a gentle squeeze as tears came from her eyes. "I just want to say…thank you…" Her voice lowered to a whisper as Jonah closed his eyes and listened to her. "Thank you for protecting Jonah, for keeping him safe. You don't know how much…it means to me to have him. I love him…so much…"

His lips parted and a breath entered in as he felt her take his hand with her free hand. She just said she loved him? His heart trembled and his body started to shiver. He wanted to hug her, but he wasn't sure this was the place. Valerie took a deep breath and continued to speak.

"I didn't know how I could feel this way, but he's made me feel certain ways that no one ever has. You saved him, and I'm more than grateful that he's still here. I hope you're safe up there in the arms of your wife, smiling down and knowing that Jonah's with me at the same time." He slowly opened his eyes and looked over to see Valerie smiling at him. She reached up and kissed his cheek, then whispered softly to him. "Let's sit back down…I think the pallbearers are getting ready…"

"Right. And Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you…" She hugged him close and led him back to their seat in the church pews. After some amount of time, they were all led to the cemetery where Travis was buried next to his wife, receiving a full military funeral. Jonah couldn't shake the words Freddie said Sam had told him that day outside the man's house. _Does someone have to get hurt before he's caught?_ He couldn't help but wonder why it took so long, and yes, he was a bit angry that the police never caught Rodney. Yet, he couldn't afford to point blame everywhere, it just wasn't right. He didn't want to besmirch Travis's memory by throwing accusations around on the day of his funeral. No, it just wasn't necessary. Rather, it just wasn't appropriate. Dishonorable at best, nothing more.

At the end of the day was the reading of the will. To Jonah's surprise, the elder had left him just about everything, including all of the dogs. He was able to split the dogs up among his friends. He kept the German Shepherd, because he was closest to that pup. Valerie's parents let her keep the cocker spaniel, Lady, just because that dog was always so eager to cuddle. Sam took Shadow, the golden retriever, because it was the calmest of the dogs. Then Beck was glad to take in Saturn, the Chocolate Lab.

As for Travis's home, he wanted it put up on the market to be sold. Jonah was to hold on to all of his belongings, which left the man's daughter with nothing. It was depressing enough and Carly even tried to locate her, using iCarly to do so, but it was to no avail. This woman didn't want to be located, they were sure of it. Each desperate attempt during the weeks that followed remained futile at best. It was to the point that Jonah really could only focus on cleaning up the kind old man's home.

It wasn't until the day after Marissa and Michael's wedding that Jonah received a letter in the mail from the woman. The message was sent to him in understanding that he received everything and she was not requesting anything at all. In her letter she apologized for any trouble they had in finding her and explained that it was through unforeseen, in-correctable reasons that she left her father so many years ago. She wished Jonah and the others well and mentioned her thanks that Jonah was a good friend to her father in the last few months. She did send her heartfelt regrets over not being closer to the man, and added that if she could give Jonah any more closure, that she would be happy to talk to him. It was an offer that he did take, and it did make him feel better to talk to the woman. She informed him of the good kind of man, hard driven at best, that her father was and didn't bother telling Jonah anything negative. She did tell him that if there was any negative, he didn't need to hear it, she only wanted Jonah's view of Travis to remain a good one.

Her condolences had been sent over Rodney and she let him know she was happy for him and for his friends to not have to have that man stalking them again. Though they still remained fearful that Rodney would not be sentenced very long and that he would return. Fortunately his trial came much sooner than anyone anticipated.

Jonah held onto Valerie's hand as they sat in the pews of the courthouse, she was watching with tears in her eyes as Rodney glared at the two of them. It was truly painful for both of them being there, and they wanted to avoid him at all costs, but they needed this. "It's okay Valerie, he isn't going to hurt you ever again…"

"I know…I just…can't stand seeing him." She wrapped her arm around his and closed her eyes, taking a slow and deep breath. "I'm stronger now, though."

"Yeah. You know something?" He turned his attention to their friends, all sitting in the row beside them. Freddie, Sam, Beck, Jade, Carly, and even Quincy. His lips curved upwards and he gave Valerie a slight squeeze of the hand. "We're all strong. We're all in control of our own selves now, nobody else can control you." She looked up at him and brought her head to rest on his shoulder.

"I used to think there was nothing…that I would be doomed to be Rodney's punching bag for the rest of my life. Like my fate had already been chosen for me, but…then you came along." She choked out a sob and slowly shook her head. The others glanced over and Jonah retained his smile. "I know it sounds cheesy as hell to say, but…it's true. Thank you…" Carly shifted in her seat as they watched the jurors begin to file in. She spoke softly, speaking to Valerie, and yet, to everyone.

"Valerie, Jonah's right, no one can control your fate but you yourself. All of us had to realize that, I think…" The others affirmed the words and Carly brought her hand to the back of her neck, rubbing it gently. "We choose our fate with the decisions we make. Maybe we don't know what the future has in store, but we can certainly control it. You say you were afraid it was your fate to stay with Rodney, to forever be beaten by him…and you did almost die…"

"Yeah…"

"But the second you decided to tell him off, the second you were strong enough to say _enough is enough_, that's the moment that 'fate' of yours changed. Learn from your past, keep sight of your future, and always remember…we are all in control of our own ending. Maybe we need some help from our friends, but in the end, we still can determine just where we're going to wind up."

"Right. Thanks, Carly." She squeezed Jonah's hand and looked up, meeting his eyes. "I think I know just where my future's heading…and it's down the right path." He looked back at her, joy and pride begin filling his heart. They waited as the judge spoke out his final judgment, then turned their attention to Rodney.

"You have been found guilty of one count second degree murder, one count attempted murder, one count attempted armed robbery, and are hereby sentenced to two consecutive life terms." Rodney closed his eyes as the Judge slammed the gavel down, his word was law. Valerie cupped her hand over her mouth and sobbed for joy as Jonah hugged her close to his chest and rubbed her back.

"God finally…it's over isn't it?" Jonah nodded his head and Freddie reached over to rub her back as well.

"It is. He's going away for a very long time. We can all be happy now…" Their closure had finally come. Now, at least, they could focus on college and their future, the way they should be able to.

"Do whatever," Rodney told the judge. "Just keep me guarded. I can't shake the feeling that someone's after me…" The bailiff started to lead him away and Jonah watched with curiosity. It didn't matter to him. Not anymore. As long as Valerie was safe, as long as his friends were safe, that was all that mattered.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter, finally they have some semblance of closure.<p> 


	64. True Psycho

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 64 (True Psycho)<p>

A man stood over the body of security guard David Channler, his facial molding matched the man's face and the badge on his chest read _Officer Channler_. It was all part of his plan. He tugged on his uniform and smirked at the dead guard. The man had a long cut across his throat and the letters _PM _etched into his back. "It was fun toying with you. You see you give your life up to become one of my puppets, a very noble cause." His face twitched as he knelt beside the officer and slid his finger through the man's blood. "_They_ used to say blood had a sweet taste to it. They're right, the flavor of blood tastes sweeter than red wine. Don't worry, they're dead now. My hired muscle killed them all. There's only one left and you're going to help me get to him." As the man rose up, he put his finger in his mouth and clung it to the side of his lips. He held it there as he walked to the front door and turned his head to the wall. The officer's wife was dead on the wall with kitchen knives through her arms and legs. Her shirt was off and PM had been etched into the back of her chest while she was alive still. A very pleasurable kill.

He chuckled and made his way out, locking the door and moving towards the patrol car. The neighbor was clipping the hedges nearby. He looked up and waved, "Have a good day at work David." The man lifted his head and smiled, waving pleasantly.

"Thank you. Have a great day." He entered his car and started driving down the road. He moved his thumb to the radio and flipped it on, grimacing as country music began to play. He flipped through the stations until he came to a station of heavy metal and scream music. Of course, the song now was _Angel_, by Hellfire Society. He started singing along to it under his breath, adding a sinister tone to the song. _"You will see that I'll become, something never seen before. You will see that I'll become, something never seen before. I'm an angel, the first angel I'm the fallen angel. I was an angel, the dirty angel, poor my little angel. Don't you see the love of god is the biggest lie? Don't you see the faith in God is the biggest lie?"_

When the song ended, he turned into the parking lot, flipping the station back to country. What was going on right now? iCarly was doing a segment, even Jonah was involved in this bit. He enjoyed the show, but he hated the people on it. It was an odd fact, but he couldn't help it. He moved from the car and ran his hand through his hair. It had taken a lot of practice perfecting these facial moldings, so he was thrilled that they were working the way he wanted them to. "Now…where is the last Shapiro? The disgusting filth that roams this earth….they don't need to walk this earth any more than necessary. It was never necessary…ah the pleasure derived from murdering the bastards." He chuckled sinisterly as generated the flashbacks of his victims, starting with the Shapiro clan.

_"What are you doing?" The mother screeched as she was thrown back against the wall, her hand covered the slash in her side. Blood dripped from the dagger held by the madman as he approached her. Her eyes widened as he slowly licked the blood from the knife. "You're insane! Stay away from me! No!" The woman pleaded, but he did not listen. He swung his blade into her chest and slowly dragged it down, listening to her bloodcurdling cry. Years of torment would end here._

The man walked into the prison, his eyes closed and the creases in his forehead bulging out through the mask. He heard other prison guards greeting him as he walked the halls, never suspecting him of being dangerous. He wasn't dangerous. He was doing the world a great deed! He was removing _filth_ from the earth! No one was innocent!

_As he scratched in his first PM into the torso of the woman, her husband walked in upon him. He turned his head up to the man's horror filled face and slowly licked his lips. "See what you've done, Mr. Shapiro? See what you've done? Don't worry, I've hired two people to take the fall for me." Mr. Shapiro tried to run, but he was not fast enough. He was tackled, the blade that killed his wife scratched into his back. His body flipped over and he was pummeled several times with the knife as his killer laughed sadistically. "I love the taste of your blood! So flavorful! Isn't that what you always said? Blood was flavorful?" _

_ "P-Please…S-Stop…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't ki…" The man choked out his last breath and slumped onto the ground. His eyes dilated and his killer stepped off. He saw the Postman and another man whimpering as he lifted the knife and grinned._

_ "You know the drill. Stab them a couple times, get blood on you…I don't care if you fucking roll around in their blood. You will confess to the murder of the family."_

_ "Y-Yes sir…"_

_ "And we've buried Robbie. Got that?"_

_ "Yes sir."_

_ "If you don't do as I instruct, I _will_ find you. You won't know it's me until it's too late." He swung his knife in the air and they crouched, whimpering as he laughed wildly. "Good. We still have the old hags left. Now." He pointed down to the bodies and grinned. "Roll." The two threw themselves down into the blood while the sadist continued on out of the room. _

He slowly opened his eyes and stopped next to a prison cell. As he slowly turned his head, he saw Rodney lying on the prison bed with his hands behind his head and eyes gazing up at the ceiling. "A real pity isn't it? Eighteen years old makes you allowed to be tried as an adult." Rodney let out a groan and shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever…" The man's face twitched again and the screams of the Shapiro clan etched across his brain. No matter how he looked at it, he still had more pleasure derived from killing them than he believed possible. To hear them _beg_ for their lives, to plead with him not to kill them, finally _they_ begged! He rubbed his forehead and sighed. He shook his head and looked over to Rodney, who was now sitting up and watching him. "What do you want? Are you just going to stand there all day? I'm pretty sure watching a caged monkey would be more interesting…or is a prison just a free zoo for you?" The man chuckled slightly and turned fully towards him, crossing his arms over. As he studied Rodney's face, he thought the man actually looked somewhat _peaceful_.

"Why? Why do you look so calm? You're in prison…"

"Because it keeps the freaks out and keeps the freaks in." Rodney turned his head to the man and studied his badge. "Honestly, it's probably safer in here."

"Is that so?"

"Yes…I just got someone's initials marked into my back by being out there. I think it was a stalker or something." The man's grin grew and his thumbs played at the edge of his leather belt.

"Ironic isn't it? A stalker gets a stalker?"

Rodney rolled his eyes and looked away, sighing and laying back on the bed. "Fuck you." The man's eyebrows lifted up and Rodney clasped his hands together over his chest. "When's recess? Or lunch? I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Have you seen the news lately, Rodney? Your entire family was murdered in cold blood. An officer even stated they located your younger brother's body." Rodney's eyes widened for a brisk moment and he quickly looked to the officer, offended that he still held that same sadistic grin. "Your grandparents, your mother, your father…the ones that confessed said they _pleaded_ for their lives, they begged not to die. Is that ironic to you? You've become such a sadistic, psycho due to that family, haven't you? That's why you ran?"

"R-Robbie's dead?" He choked and put his hand to his chest, his heart was shattering. The man tilted his head and frowned at Rodney. "I know I left him back there…I couldn't return…"

"You left him in that family? Why? Didn't you know their abuse would just screw him over mentally?" Rodney's eyes flew towards him. The officer shrugged and crossed his arms over. "And yes, the assailants confessed to the many sadistic things they did to their children. It was only a _pity_ that no one did anything before all this shit had to happen."

_The old woman, Mama Shapiro, she was clearly off her rocker. Always calling Cat Valentine a slut or a whore because of her red hair. Cat's hair was red like blood, so sweet, so succulent. The look in Grandma Shapiro's eyes would be forever frozen in realization of her mistake. The man grinned as blood shot out of her neck like a fountain, drenching her blouse. _

_ The old man wasn't any better off than her, never around, never saying anything at all. Now, it was quite literal. That tongue of his had been hacked off and his eyes gorged out from his sockets. He was pinned to his recliner in the living room, knives through his hands, feet, and forehead. _

"You must be insane, Rodney…I almost feel sorry for your twin. You know how your family died?"

"I'd rather not know…they really found Robbie?"

"No. The body was never found."

"So maybe he's alive!" Rodney got up from his bed and hurried to the bars, holding onto them firmly. The man shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward, meeting Rodney's eyes with a look of malice and hatred. The prisoner recoiled and lowered his arms, studying his eyes carefully. "No…it…you…"

"So why did you leave, Rodney? Why abandon your brother? Why leave him with those fucking psychopaths?" Rodney slowly stepped back, shaking his head as the guard grabbed the bars, the one thing protecting him from danger. "That family deserved _everything_. Their deaths were pleasurable to the ears, Rodney…but your brother…I have to know…"

"I-I couldn't come back. There was no way to go back."

"Coward." The man's eyes flipped to the nearby television screen, the news media was already on the death of Officer Channler and his wife. Rodney's eyes widened and his body began trembling. An officer called out for recess and all the prison doors started to open.

"N-No!" The man's lips curled into a fierce grin as he grabbed Robbie's arm.

"Come with me, we're going to have a little fun, but first…I've already planned for this moment." The man removed the outer face mask and grinned through the second face mask he'd been wearing. One of the warden. Rodney's eyes widened more and he quickly tried to pull himself free. "Don't worry, the warden's not dead. He's just a little tied up at the moment. And you thought you were safe in here."

"Let me go! Come on!"

"Are you going to beg me? Plead for your life?" A sinister laugh left his lips as he started pulling Rodney through the mass of prisoners rushing towards the yard. "Not a very strong prison they threw you in, huh? They probably should up their security. Though Officer Channler _was_ the head security guard."

"Come on, you don't have to do this!"

"Oh I do! I'm removing the world of _your_ kind of filth!" He opened the door to the warden's office and threw Rodney in. Rodney let out a painful shout as he hit the sharp corner of the warden's desk. The man walked in and slammed the door shut, locking it tight. Rodney sat with his back against the desk, trembling as he looked up to his attacker. "Now if you'll excuse me." He moved to the front of the warden's desk and spoke into the microphone, mimicking the man's vocal tone. "Extended recess for an extra hours, I want _all_ guards and personnel in the yard!" He looked up to the camera in the room and grinned. Rodney's began yelling at the camera.

"Help me! Help me!"

"I hired one of the guards to tie up the Warden and knock out the camera last night, Rodney." Rodney's face twisted in desperation and hopelessness, a look that had never before been on his face. He turned his head as the man opened the warden's closet, revealing the unconscious warden. "He won't wake up for a little while, so we have all the time in the world to _talk_."

"I don't understand. Why do this?" The man shrugged and flipped on the television. The news media was discussing the rash of murders involving the initials PM. They discussed how out of place the missing Shapiro was, and how Rodney Shapiro survived with the PM initials. They spoke about how they should have made the connection before and how they should have considered putting the prisoner in a more protected prison.

"I'm going down in history as 'The Controller' or 'Puppetmaster', just to let you know. PM would be my calling card. I've stalked you for quite some time now, ever since you were on iCarly." Rodney's face started to fall and his heart began pounding a mile a minute. "So all that abuse you suffered really did turn you to drugs and stuff, huh? You ended up beating the shit out of your girlfriend, tearing lives apart, and what for? Were you _angry_ at your family? Why did you lead the life you led? Did you not care about anyone but yourself?" He scoffed and laughed as Rodney slowly looked to him. "Of course not! You _left me behind!_ You little piece of shit!" Rodney shook his head as the man tore the face mask off.

"Robbie, I didn't mean it…I wasn't thinking…" Rodney's eyes brimmed with tears as he stared at the brother he hadn't seen in years. He looked so much like him, only, paler. His eyes were red with murder and his lips seemed insanely cracked. Robbie slowly rose, pulling his knife from the strap attached to his leg. "I never would have left you behind if I knew it would turn you into _this_."

"Into this? Into _what?_"

"A _murderer!_" Robbie froze and started laughing sadistically.

"Murderer? _Murderer_? Ah from the lips of hypocrisy! You are one to speak, Rodney."

"That wasn't my fault, I didn't want to kill the old man!" Robbie laughed and walked around his brother, slashing him in the left arm. Rodney screamed out and put his hand over his wound. "Robbie!"

"You nearly killed your ex girlfriend, and you say you're not a murderer? You are a killer, and yet you call _me _a murderer? You're a fucking psychopath! You left me behind with our sadistic as fuck parents, and you want to call me a murderer!" He pointed the tip of his knife to Rodney's throat and laughed sadistically as Rodney trembled.

"And yet you killed our entire family…you want to call me a psychopath? I don't say that they didn't deserve to die, but I don't say they did…I just wonder…if you went too far."

"Too _far_? Nah, I didn't go far _enough_ if you ask me!" Rodney's brow furrowed as he followed Robbie around the room.

"What _happened_ to you? Years ago I would have done anything to protect you."

"You could have come _back_ for me!"

"I was afraid of mom and dad."

"Afraid? I handled them rather well."

"By _killing them?_" Robbie laughed and thrust his blade into Rodney's side. Rodney screamed as he pulled the blade away.

"I consider it a gratuity. They die, they never have to hurt another person again." Rodney started to sob as his chest rose and fell.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back for you. You have to believe me, I wanted to, I got mixed up in drugs…I didn't want you to have to see all that."

"Oh I saw it. At that little bake sale of your girlfriend's, I saw it. I'm doing them a favor by killing you, you know." Rodney gasped out as Robbie moved the knife to his abdomen and slowly pushed it in. "I have no intention of doing any harm to them. Only you. Only you."

"Please Robbie…Do you really want to do this…"

"Oh fuck yes."

"What about your friends?"

"What _friends_? I don't have friends! Everyone's made that perfectly clear!" Rodney's eyes watered as his twin stabbed twisted the blade in his stomach and tore it up to his sternum. "I'm going to get as much enjoyment out of killing you as I can. I'm going to seep every bit of it from you." Rodney's head turned to the side and his teeth clamped together.

"H-How does this make you any better than our parents? Any different. Tell me that…What do you expect to gain from this…"

"Closure! Besides, I told you I'm doing the world a favor by getting rid of a vicious psychopath!" He tore the knife from Rodney, who screamed out in anguish. He breathed in deeply and stared down at the blood fleeing his trembling body.

"Y-You really believe that, don't you?"

"Yes. And I couldn't let just anyone kill you, that's why _I'm_ here. I've already left my mark on you. It'll never heal, you know." He slashed Rodney's gut three times, causing his intestines to fall out. Rodney's eyes widened as the intestines touched his hands.

"No…"

"It's not enough. It isn't enough. It'll never be enough!" Robbie scraped his knife against Rodney several times, flashbacks of all the physical, sexual and emotional abuse from his family played over and over in his head. They drove him to this, they forced his hand! They made him lose his mind! No. They wouldn't plague the world with their filth anymore!

He laughed as he listened to his brother's scream. Rodney's blood splashed onto him as he ran his tongue over his lips. He was doing the world a favor, a grace, a pleasantry! In his rage, he grabbed Rodney's head and continued bashing it into the warden's desk. He deserved every bit of this beating! As a last act, he quickly slashed his blade across Rodney's throat and watched his twin fall to the ground. His chest heaved and sweat dripped down his body as he fell to his knees beside his slain brother.

"Rodney…" His hands trembled and flew to his face. Tears sparked his cheeks red as he sobbed over his brother's body. What had he done? Had he killed a psycho, or was this how his parents made him? His hands slid down his face, leaving trails of blood along his sticky white skin. His eyes had laughter in them as he gazed upon his brother's blood-ridden body. "A real pity. A real pity. Must clean up…must hit the showers…"

After several minutes, he was dressed in the warden's clean suit, wearing the warden's facial mold. The real warden was unconscious in his chair, holding onto the bloody knife and wearing the blood-ridden clothes that Rodney had been wearing. He slipped out of the room, his hands in his pockets and his eyes narrow. No one suspected a thing and all guards were still out in the yard. He licked his lips as he walked out of the main doors and headed towards the warden's car just as he heard the man's voice over the PA system.

"Guards! Help! There's been a murder!" A sadistic grin plastered his face as he entered the car and started to drive off. As he looked into the rearview mirror, he saw a guard watching him with suspicion. It mattered not. As he continued to drive a few miles, speeding over the limit, a traffic cop came up behind him with its sirens blaring. He smirked and slowed down, pulling over to the side. The cop pulled up behind him and started to leave his car. Robbie's leg with his second knife started itching. He watched the man walk up to the car and rolled his window down.

"Can I help you, Officer?"

* * *

><p>0_0, did anyone else feel that chill just now? I <em>swear<em> I felt a chill run down my spine. Your thoughts on this chapter? Not even Rodney deserved that. I wanted to go with "American Psycho" as the title of the chapter, but there's a movie with that name.


	65. The Final Nail

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 65 (The Final Nail)<p>

"Beck turn on the news!" Jade screamed out as she ran into the room, scaring the hell out of Sam, Melanie and Beck. He jerked his head from his sisters and the board game they'd been playing in the kitchen. Freddie, Jonah and Valerie were in the kitchen as well, but at the stove while Valerie was showing them how to make an Italian specialty. Everyone looked over as Jade ran to the television on the kitchen counter. "It's all over the news, he's struck again."

"Who has?" Beck asked while walking over. He had a feeling deep in his gut that he would regret that question in a minute. He watched as his girlfriend flipped on the television and the others surrounded them. The first thing they saw was the prison where Rodney had been taken to. He frowned and looked over to Jonah and Valerie, they weren't reacting in any negative way. He turned his attention back to the screen and frowned as they carried a stretcher to the ambulance, a thin white sheet was draped over a body. The warden was in handcuffs, being led away, claiming his innocence.

"They say it was the prison warden, but I don't believe it. The dead has 'PM' initialed…" He lifted a hand and waited as the newscaster spoke on the grisly murder. The headline told them all they needed to know about who had been killed. _Rodney Shapiro added to the list of 'PM' murders, Warden Tyler accused of the murder._

_"Police suspect Rodney Shapiro may be involved in the recent murders that have spanned Seattle involving the initials PM. However, the Warden was found at the scene of the crime with the prisoner's blood covering him and the initials etched onto the prisoner's back are old and scarred, indicating that he may have survived a run in with the brutal PM killer. Earlier today a popular prison guard belonging to this very prison, Officer Channler and his wife were found brutally murdered in their home, both had PM cut into their backs. Their neighbor claimed innocence and states that he saw the Officer leave his house after the estimated time of their death. He claims to have heard nothing from them the entire day. Neighbor Richard Wilkes is in police custody for questioning." _

"Oh my god," Sam whispered. Valerie remained quiet and Jonah took her hand, squeezing it gently. Beck was more worried about how this news was going to affect them, but at the same time, he knew they were strong. Then he heard something that pulled his attention entirely onto the television, the Shapiro murders in Hollywood.

_"We have reason to believe that the killer may either be a copycat killer or the killer of the Shapiro family. Unfortunately the body of Robert Shapiro has yet to be found. The men who confessed to the gruesome murders are in custody and have both said that a man referring to himself as 'The Puppetmaster' was responsible for the crimes. If indeed it is the same man, then it is very likely that he came to Seattle to claim the final member of the Shapiro clan. He is regarded as highly dangerous and witnesses claim that he uses a type of facial masking to change his face. Viewers are urged to remain indoors until this killer is found and off the streets. If you have any information regarding these murders, we urge you to call the number at the bottom of the screen."_

Beck's heart sank and his body tensed, he had a sinking suspicion, but didn't want to believe what it could be. If Freddie had been correct regarding Rodney's past, then was it possible all that abuse transformed Robbie's mind? Robbie was _missing_, but this killer didn't seem to have any trouble leaving bodies around, so why was Robbie's body the only one missing? He looked to Freddie, who gave him a look that revealed his own similar suspicions. What if Robbie was the one who did this? He never imagined his friend to have that capability within him. It was impossible, Robbie was too kind-hearted, wasn't he? However, Beck just couldn't shake the fact that every time he had seen Robbie, he always had that creepy dark and mysterious look in his eyes. He had to know, he had to let Andre know.

He ran towards the table, grabbing his cell phone up and dialing his best friend's number. The others looked at him with concern as he tapped the table impatiently. "Come on Andre. Pick up, pick up." The phone continued to ring for a few seconds, Beck was beginning to fear that Robbie started going after the others. Why would he? They never hurt him did they? "Come on…" After two more rings, Andre finally answered. He sighed with relief and closed his eyes. "Andre, have you seen the news lately?"

"Yeah, but man…did you know Robbie's _alive_? He just called us a little bit ago, said he doing okay."

"He is?" His eyes flicked with concern and he met Jade's concerned gaze. He mouthed that Robbie was alive and her eyes widened tremendously. "Andre. Call Mr. Vega."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Grab Cat, Tori, everyone…and get somewhere safe. Call it a hunch, but if Robbie comes anywhere near you in the next few days, don't let him in." He heard his friends in the background, murmuring their confusion and concern. They didn't think anything was wrong with Robbie. "I want all of you to know that Jade and I think about you every day…we love you guys and don't want anything to happen to you. Stay safe, stay out of danger. I think…I think Robbie may have just killed Rodney and his family." He turned his eyes to the newscaster and frowned as a look of worry ran across her eyes.

_"This just in! A witness has observed the gruesome murder of a highway patrol officer not thirty minutes ago. The witness has chosen to remain anonymous and spotted a man in a black El Camino with silver trimming and rim, driving onto I-5. The man took off shortly after stabbing the officer with what looked like a switchblade. Officers have begun their pursuit."_

"Hey Beck? Are you watching the news right now? National news, the reporter just said-"

"I know what they said…" Interstate highway 5 was on route towards Hollywood, Robbie was heading back home! "He's on his way down there." He thought _Rodney_ was bad. Jade shook her head and muttered under her breath, denying that it could possibly be Robbie. Valerie looked sick and Jonah had taken to comforting her. Freddie clenched his fists and grabbed a jacket from his chair, rushing past Beck. "Hold on. Freddie, where are you going?"

"To help them catch this maniac! I'm still a part of the police force, whether it's official or not!"

"Freddie, no!" Sam exclaimed, not wanting anything to happen to him. Beck pressed his lips firmly together and clicked off the phone. He didn't want Robbie going down and possibly doing anything to his friends, he was with Freddie all the way.

"Then I'm coming along to make sure you don't get your ass killed."

"Thank you." Jade screamed at him and ordered him to stick around, but it was to no avail. Before he left the front door, he smiled at them and saluted.

"We'll be back." He rushed out and hopped in the passenger seat of Freddie's car. Freddie chuckled and slowly shook his head. "I don't get why you would do this right now, Freddie…involving yourself in a high speed chase."

"Why would you?"

"Because I don't want the guy going after my friends!"

"Exactly." Freddie slammed his gas pedal as several police cars passed them. Their car shot out with the patrol officers and Freddie flipped on his car's sirens, much to Beck's surprise. "My dad's old unit, one of those concealed cars."

"I see…damn, they let you keep it?"

"Yeah, I thought it was nice. First time I'm actually using the sirens though. They said when I join the police force, I'm pretty much a shoe in. Helped them out a lot more than you know." Beck chuckled and hung his elbow out the car door. He really shouldn't be surprised, especially when Freddie was good friends with the assistant police chief. "Are you worried about what you'll find if it _is_ Robbie?" His face fell into a frown as Freddie turned onto the highway with the rest of the officers. Freddie clicked the radio and shouted into it after hearing Mike's voice speaking out to the rest of the officers. "Mike, this is Benson, I've joined the pursuit."

_"Freddie? Why the hell are you getting involved in this?"_

"My friend has reason to believe the man you're chasing is Robbie Shapiro."

_"Great…pull up front Benson. If you're going to be in this, I want to be able to see you and make sure nothing happens." _

"Can do." Beck closed his eyes as Freddie sped up, heading towards the front of all the officers. His stomach churned and bile started to rise up his throat, he couldn't stand the thought of Robbie being behind the murders. "So Beck…"

"Yeah man? I'm feeling pretty sick right now. I mean, what if we're wrong and it isn't Robbie?"

"Then we hope we are wrong."

"And if we're right?" He saw Freddie's face tighten and his shoulders rise up, then fall.

"Then we're right and he'll have to be detained."

"Thought so…"

The chase commenced for at least an hour, Beck managed to contact Robbie via cell phone and asked him what he was doing, but the tone that Robbie held in his voice was devastating. There was nothing familiar about Robbie, his voice was laced with poison and his mind had been so warped. When asked about the murders, Robbie confirmed them all, confessing that he was doing the world a favor. Unfortunately he had to betray his former friend, Freddie had a machine that recorded the conversation, transferring it over to Mike.

During the rest of the chase, Beck was doing the best he could to keep from vomiting, but it was so difficult to do. Memories of his friendship with Robbie played over and over in his mind, the boy always seemed relatively normal. Who was he to believe that his friend was having so many problems at home? Freddie had been trying to comfort him the best he could through it all, but there was nothing he could do. The only question that remained on his mind was: _why?_ Maybe, there were some things that no one could ever understand.

The end of the chase came swiftly as they all traveled along a mountainside. Robbie was in front, clearly identifiable as he was no longer wearing his facial molding masks. Whenever Beck met his eyes for the first time, he nearly shit himself. Those eyes of Robbie's were completely devoid of life. The man he once knew was no longer there. "That's not Robbie," he muttered with tear-filled eyes. Freddie raised an eyebrow as he slowly shook his head. "That's him, but at the same time…it isn't him."

"A demon, basically. Sadist. Psychopath…whatever you want to call it."

"Yeah…"

Then it happened that Robbie looked away from the road just as his tire hit a broken patch of road just before a sharp curve. Beck yelled out and the world seemed to slow down around him. The patrol cars and Freddie started screeching to a halt as Robbie's car struck the barrier at the edge of the mountain. He was sure he heard Robbie scream has his car flew off the edge, nothing but air beneath the tires. Maybe Freddie had stopped the car, maybe he hadn't, but Beck flew out of that car with pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. Freddie followed close behind, as did several officers. When they reached the edge, they saw Robbie's car collide with the mountainside below and go up in a fiery explosion. It was over, he was gone.

The rest of the day seemed to pass with a dreary silence, filled only with Jade's grief and frantic calls from his friends in California. It was all over the news about Robbie's death, his body had been found beneath the car, he had tried to jump out and failed, clearly. It kept running through Beck's mind, couldn't there have been something that he could have done? No, he couldn't have known. Had he known, wouldn't he have done something? Probably. The only good that could come of this, as bittersweet as it was, was neither Robbie, nor Rodney, could ever hurt anyone again. It would take a while before anyone got over the events that transpired, but at the very least, they could move on with their lives and into a better future. Hopefully. Maybe now, Robbie would finally be at peace. Maybe they _all _could finally be at peace.

* * *

><p>Robbie could have returned to California, could have devastated everything. I think I just felt the earth stand still toward the end of this chapter. Closure, everyone, including Robbie, may finally be at peace. That's it, the next chapter is the epilogue chapter.<p> 


	66. Alive

Controlling Our Fates

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly!

AN: "'The past is past, that is why they call it the past.'–C. Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive. There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you."

* * *

><p>Chapter 66 ("Alive")<p>

Many years later, sixteen year old Rachel Brown and Derek Benson ran down the stairs of their grandparents family farm. They were cousins, their fathers Jonah and Freddie, respectively. They were rushing to get to the computer, the President of the United States usually had an online session where she spoke live with the people of the country, often using this segment to help others. They just heard the story from Derek's mother, regarding how they all came together. They were just glad that everyone was able to be together in the end, though Carly Shay's rise to politics was an interesting one indeed.

During college, Carly had immediately shrouded herself with everything political and graduated with a degree in political science. She continued her rise and was elected mayor of Seattle, it was around the same time that Freddie became a Police Captain. Jonah had gone overseas around the time that Rachel was born, and Valerie was a strong mother. Rachel had always been impressed with her mom, she couldn't believe that Valerie had _ever_ been abused when she was a teenager, simply because the woman did not seem like the type to allow anyone to hurt her. Maybe it had to do with being an army wife, when Jonah returned from overseas, it had been such an emotional reunion. Granted, Rachel didn't remember much of it since she was still just a toddler.

They didn't talk much with Carly or Spencer anymore, obviously because of the political connections making it difficult. Though, Freddie and Sam did seem to communicate with her more than they led on. Freddie was Seattle's Police Chief and Beck had become the Assistant Police Chief, due to his exposure to law enforcement so long ago. He wanted to do everything he could to prevent what happened with all of the Shapiro family from happening to anyone else, he wanted to help make the world a better place. He and Jade still spoke to all of their friends in California. They were doing great, but it did take them a long time to cope with what happened to Robbie. That had been hard on everyone.

Sam finally decided what she wanted to do in life and that was just to stay at home and take care of her son. She did work as a waitress at one of the chain restaurants owned by Valerie, so she still brought in a good sized income. Derek was actually happy with his family and didn't mind being the son of the Police Chief and waitress at a five star Italian restaurant.

One thing that had always impressed Rachel about her mother. When she was younger, she'd gone back to that restaurant where she and Jonah had their first date, the restaurant that wanted her to come back and work for them. They hired her on the spot and she brought some of the best recipes to them, along with Jonah's support the whole way through. Hearing their parents' tales brought tears to their eyes and it was a great lesson learned, at least to them. A great way to know that they did have control of their future.

Even Quincy was doing well for himself these days and was a very close friend of Freddie's. Hell, Derek loved hanging out with his uncle. The man was always cracking a joke here and there. The days of their troubles, they were past, and that was certain. Nobody looked on their past lives painfully, they only looked on fondly, with an endearment that told their children they only grew from those days. Every day was a day of learning, a day where the experiences they went through would only strengthen them.

Derek and Rachel sat at the computer, thoughts Freddie's words to them were running wild through their heads. Currently Freddie was off doing his usual police work, investing the scene of a crime. Jonah and Valerie were at home, probably asleep, or maybe they were going to tune into the President's talk show. Sam did say it was a surprise to everyone involved when Carly started using her webshow for political reasons and to help make people's lives better. Every now and then, she would bring people in to talk to them or go out in the field with her secret service agents to try and better someone's life, poor or not. She just wanted to help make the country a better place, and she was doing just that. She not only majored in political science, but she did have a double major in counseling as well. When Carly had run for president, it was by a landslide victory. Her name was known in every household by then, so no one had any trouble voting for her. Hell, when you've had a former first lady on your webshow, apprehended a criminal, brought families together, you could certainly become the President.

"She's already starting," Derek said as he turned on the computer. Rachel nodded and watched as he worked fast to get over to the site. Rachel glanced at the television nearby and lifted her eyebrows.

"Why can't we just turn on the television? You know she airs it on television too, right?" The webshow had changed its name over the years. It wasn't known anymore as the childlike 'iCarly', which was just a reminder of the days of old. It's more recent name was simply _Talk with the President_.

"Sure, do it the _easy_ way."

"Most of us prefer the easy way." She grinned innocently as Derek clicked the link to Carly's show. He smirked triumphantly as Rachel gazed. Carly was talking to a woman with short hair and a trembling body, it looked like she was afraid of something. Carly put her hand over the woman's hand and gave her a tender smile.

"You're okay, Denise. He isn't here anymore."

"Okay? What if he comes back? I know you arrested him, but…"

"You have my word, you will be protected. Your boyfriend will not hurt you anymore. Do you have anyone?"

"Just Daniel, a good friend of mine…I worry my boyfriend will go after him though…"

"Understandable." The woman closed her eyes and sobbed lightly, complaining about how she wasn't sure if she could believe it. Carly offered her a Kleenex, that she graciously accepted. "Would you mind if I told you a story, Denise?" The woman sniffed and blew her nose with the tissue, then threw it in a nearby wastebasket.

"Sure…"

"Well. Many years ago, I had a close friend who, just like you, was abused by her boyfriend." Denise lifted her eyebrows as Carly folded her legs over and leaned back in the chair. "It was a hopeless situation, at least that's how it seemed. She wasn't allowed any freedom, any space, but then she met a man who was kind to her. Kinder than any other man she met before." Rachel beamed and Derek gave her a playful nudge as they watched Denise stare with uncertainty.

"Surely, that would have created problems?"

"My friend was terrified that something would happen to him, yes. It didn't seem to matter much, he continued being her friend through it all. Eventually that relationship ended and her boyfriend had been arrested."

"And what happened after that? I mean…he didn't come back?" Carly's lips fell and she slowly shook her head, closing her eyes. She took her coffee cup and sipped it.

"Bad things come to those who do evil deeds. I think of it as karma, but my friend's ex boyfriend was…he was killed in prison." Denise gasped and Carly leaned forward, lifting her hand up and smiling. "I wouldn't worry about it, it was just something that he'd done in the past."

"My boyfriend probably wouldn't stand a chance in prison, would he?"

"I don't know. Everyone's different. My friend's ex had someone who'd been chasing him for a while. Anyway, the point is, he was sentenced to a long time in prison. If he were still alive today, he would still be in prison. So no, he never came back. My friend managed to become happy and she's a very strong woman today."

"That's my mom!" Rachel said with a proud smile. Derek laughed and quickly shushed her. They didn't want to miss a thing. "Sorry."

"But what about me? How can I be happy…how can I change _my_ future?" Carly took a moment to ponder the thought, hoping to choose the right words. She closed her eyes and set her coffee cup down on her desk.

"Well. You can start today, by accepting your help you have started yourself on a new path to the future. You can be happy if you allow yourself to be. If you just strengthen yourself, don't let anyone hurt you, and continue on with your life. Don't look back, don't falter, just look ahead. I think that's what my friend would say."

"Maybe…but…won't I always have that hanging over my head? I worry-"

"Shh…" Carly leaned over and put her hand over Denise's hand. She looked into the woman's eyes and spoke softly, comforting the woman the best way she could.

"My friend told me a quote, something that her husband once told her so many years ago. I believe it was initially said by someone known as C. Hurn. A simple quote: The past is past, that is why they call it past." Denise lifted her eyebrows as Carly leaned back in her chair, holding the gaze and continuing to speak with a soft, compassionate tone. "Yes, you must look at the past, and then _learn _from it. To ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive, at best. There's a new path ahead of you that _you_ and only _you_ can create. Believe me when I say this, because if it was true for my friend, it's true for you: There will be a time you can walk that path safely and be happy. I _promise_ you." The woman's eyes lit with tears as Carly reached over and hugged her for a second, letting her cry for a minute on her shoulder. After a bit, she pulled back and watched Denise wipe her eyes. "You're alive right now, Denise. I believe that's important, is it not?"

"Yes…"

"There's a song, a really old song, my friend showed us this song and the movie it went to…The movie was called _Enough_ with Jennifer Lopez, I recommend you look through your old movies and watch it, it's inspired us all. Now the song, the song became an anthem not only for my friend, but for her husband, for me, for all of our friends who had been going through some tough patches in life at the time…"

"What's the song?"

"_Alive_. Jennifer Lopez did that one. Maybe it'll inspire you too. If you just take a moment to take a break, no distractions, and just _listen _to it. It's about a woman who frees herself from an abusive relationship, but yet, I feel it's about something _more_ than that. Not just surviving an abusive relationship, but going through something so tough, so hard, so overwhelming…but you still make it through…_alive_." Denise's lips slowly curved into a smile and she nodded her head in response.

"Thank you…I'll look for that song and the movie. You've really helped me today. Tell your friend thank you too…if she can do it…maybe I can too."

"You will. I promise you. You will make it. Everyone has the power inside themselves to change their lives, even you. I promise, things _will_ get better."

Rachel and Derek watched as Carly wrapped up her interview and sat still even as the show ended. Rachel wasn't sure why, but her eyes were watering. She hadn't heard the song, but she already could tell it must have meaning and impact. Their parents' life story had been filled with drama, with anguish, it was amazing that they truly did survive through it all. She slowly clicked over to _youtube_ and typed in the song. The first one that came up, she clicked on and sat there with her cousin, and she listened to the song in silence with him. Such power, such intensity, how could one song mean so much? It wasn't hard to see, it was the anthem. The story of her parents, who were so happy to have made it through those hard, rocky areas of their lives. She was thankful, so thankful, to have them today.

_Alive-Jennifer Lopez_

_Time goes slowly now in my life  
>Fear no more of what I'm not sure<em>

_Searching to feel your soul_  
><em>The strength to stand alone<em>  
><em>the power of not knowing and letting go<em>

_I guess I've found my way it's simple when its right_  
><em>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight<em>  
><em>and happy just to be me and be alive.<em>

_Love, in and out, of my... my heart,_  
><em>And though life can be strange I can't be afraid<em>

_Searching to feel your soul, the strength to stand alone,_  
><em>The power of not knowing and letting go<em>

_I guess I've found my way it's simple when it's right_  
><em>Feeling lucky just to be here tonight<em>  
><em>and happy just to be me and be alive<em>  
><em>I guess I've found my way it's simple<em>  
><em>when its right feeling lucky just to be here tonight and<em>  
><em>happy just to be me and to be alive.<em>

* * *

><p>And there it is, the song is the tribute to the entire story. Perhaps the "credits" of the story. What a finish, Carly went on to become the president of the united states, just as Caleb sort of predicted all those years ago! There's iCarly, being used for great things. Seems everyone's lives went on peacefully. Wow, it feels good to complete this story, but sad as well. I...thank you everyone for your support all the way through! Boris, Penny, you guys especially, I couldn't have done it without you! Everyone, you're all awesome, I'm glad you enjoyed this tale. Maybe you'll be around for my next big thing.<p>

Well my next big thing would be and is "Against All Odds", which is currently ongoing. That, and, "The Coin's Other Side", you might check that one out, Penny XD. It's going to be great, well all my stories are, I think. I'm just glad to be able to provide enjoyments for myself and my readers ^_^ The end.


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